Hide and Don't Seek

I missed my legs.  I have them; they’re attached to me.  But, I was feeling like I hadn’t seen them in a while and I missed them.  It’s winter—season of warm and woolly.  I’ve been wearing knit tights, long skirts—sometimes ankle-length—and NineWest wedge boots that don’t set off the metal detectors at work.  I missed my stilettos.  And my legs.  The clip clip that punctuates the air and the lines that punctuate the space.

So, I put on nude stockings and my strappy black & white stilettos—and I quickly remember why I’d stopped.

Except, I’m not sure I knew that’s why I stopped when I stopped.  But now, now I’m sure.  After the first stare—the stare I tried to move behind but the staring eyes were attached to a rotating neck and a twistable torso.  After the first car horn and rolling down window I quickly turned away from as though my back cannot hear beep-beep.  After the first attempt at a “hey there” met with a curt “hello.”  I knew.  I hated this.

This, this drives me into piles of woollies and clunky wedge boots, even as I give myself other excuses: it’s cold outside; it’s cold inside; I don’t want to take my shoes off to go into work; my favorite coworker is amused when I look ridiculous.  Plenty of excuses, legitimate reasons perhaps, but excuses all the same.  The truth is, I’m hiding.  Hiding my body from the world just as I did when I was 13.  Except then, I hid it because people didn’t like it; now I hide it because they do.

Big t-shirts, 18-sizes too big if they’ve could’ve been.  Drowning.  “Hey, goldenrail, what’s flatter, you or a board?”  A sinking log.  The Heckle brothers living up to their family name.  I just wanted to get home, to walk down the sidewalk without yells from across the street.  I just want to get home, to walk down the sidewalk without yells from across the street.  Why is this always too much to ask?

Always too much, unless I’m hiding.

I nearly started to cry, realizing how much of my life I’ve spent hiding.  I hate it.

And tomorrow, I will hide.

The Democracy of Southwest Air

When Mr. Trizzle dragged me on my first Southwest flight, I hated it. I didn’t understand the system, it made me feel like a cow being led to slaughter, I panicked about what seat I would get. I hated it. Over the past nearly-decade, I’ve come to love Southwest. (Now I have all those feelings, including the cow bit, on other airlines.) I’ve also realized something about Southwest. Southwest is the quintessential representation of how a democratic society actually works in practice.

Theoretically, every passenger on a Southwest flight is equal. Every chair is the same, every section of the plane receives the same service. Everyone has an equal opportunity to obtain the spot that is best for them. No seats are assigned; everyone is free to take any seat once they board. You board in the order of check-in. Check-in opens to everyone at the same time. Anyone can have any seat. Theoretically.

Whether you can get your ideal seat depends on a number of factors, the two most important being how many other people are vying for that same seat (competition) and your spot in line (your starting point in the community).

Spots in line, starting positions in the society, are determined by check-in. Everyone can check-in for the flight beginning 24 hours before departure. The sooner you check-in, the closer to the front of the line you are. Everyone has an equal shot. Except they don’t.

Within that theoretical equal playing field of checkin, there are a number of factors that give people advantages. At the most basic level, those with the free time and the best support networks have the best shot at a good starting position. checking in right at the 24-hour mark. These are the folks who can make themselves free in a location with internet access on a computer or phone exactly 24 hours before their flight or who can call on a friend or relative to be so. Those who do not have easy internet access or who do not have the flexibility in their schedules or people available to help them out are at a disadvantage. I.e. there are certain basics the society takes as a given and those who do not have those basics start off a bit behind.

Then there are groups with actual advantages, those who get better starting positions because they have something beyond the norm. Some of these advantages are obvious, some less so. First, there are those with money, those who can buy their way to the top, whose money gets them special privileges and access to places ahead of others. These are the Business Select customers who pay a premium up to 3x the regular fare for the first 15 spots in line. They also get a bonus of special treatment in the form of a free alcoholic beverage.

There’s also the slightly lower-class-trying-to-be-rich folks who don’t fork out the full amount for a Business Select ticket but can pay a small premium for the airline to check them in before people can start checking themselves in. These are the folks who purchase Early Bird Checkin.

These moneyed privileges are well-known. The privileges and how the privileges are obtained are obvious. Theoretically, anyone can join these groups. Everyone is offered a Business Select ticket; everyone is offered Early Bird Checkin. Just as anyone can buy a ticket to that fundraising dinner or purchase that season ticket next to the big-wig they want to meet. What matters is not that the privilege is offered, what matters is that the conditions on which is offered make it accessible only to some.

But there are additional ways to obtain advantages, privileged groups that are less apparent. These are the insiders.

First are the folks who have earned special treatment, the equivalent of folks with connections. These are those who have achieved A-List status (this is where I am now and holy cow is it fabulous!). In some ways, this is purchased because it requires earning a lot of points, which means buying a lot of plane tickets, but it is not an extra cost beyond the plane tickets. A-List members are checked-in automatically without purchasing either the very pricey Business Select or the premium Early Bird Checkin. In fact, they are checked in before the Early Birds, getting the best non-Business Select spots possible. (And I imagine this connection gets even greater when you obtain A+ status and certainly when you earn the companion pass that allows someone to fly free with you on every trip.) These people are so connected to the system, by virtue of their flying with Southwest so often, that the system works for them.

Second are the folks who know the system so well they know how to work within it so that it works for them without outright privileges being given. These are the folks who move through the relevant parts of society so frequently, who fly Southwest so often, they have learned the tricks to getting their ideal outcome. They know their routes. They know the planes; they know what’s likely to benefit them. I have been in this group for a long time, but I will save my strategy for a later post.

Lastly, there are the protected classes. Those who might otherwise be run-down by the masses if the system did not offer them special protections. On Southwest, these are the Preboarders: the elderly, handicap and young children travelling alone who board the plane before everyone else. At first glance, they may seem privileged, but being a protected class comes at a cost. There are seats in which they are not allowed to sit, there are places within the system they cannot go, and they must wait for assistance from the system before they can do anything, before they can board or deplane.

Southwest’s egalitarian boarding system puts everyone on equal footing, except for those that have the money, connections or insider information to give themselves a better chance of getting what they want. In this case, it’s just a seat on an airplane. In society, it’s quite a bit more.

Always Assume the Worst

There’s a tweet string from the other week that irked me quite a bit.  It’s a rant, a rant about copyright.  Whatever.  There are tons of rants about copyright online.  But this one, this one needles me because it is so myopic.  It seems unable to grasp the big picture.  This is not missing the forest for the trees.  This is missing the forest for the twig.  “Fear-driven copyright policy making is driven by a single-minded concern for abuse, and gives primacy to preventing it before it manifests.” the tweeter argues.

“You fool!” I yell, not to the post’s author (who is a very decent and generally rather intelligent chap), to society-at-large, to everyone.  This is our entire society, through-and-through.  This is what our lives have become.  Everything is based on fear and the assumption that anyone and everyone of us is up to no good at any given moment. 

This bubbling, oozing poison, this swamp of despair into which we have sunk our societal pillars on which we try to build, and which somehow surprises us when it comes popping up in bursting, boiling bubbles, splattering us with its muck.  It is the way we approach everything, guns, driving, shopping, terrorism, transit riding, being black, life.

At the airport:  Prove to us you aren’t even thinking about trying to bring down this plane.  Give us your bags; give us your bodies.  Prove to us you are not plotting evil.  We assume you are.  If you are not, you’ll have on qualms about proving it.  And we will make the laws assuming you will try to get around them.  You may try to bring on a dangerous chemical, so we will ban all liquids, etc., etc.

On the LA subway:  Prove to us you didn’t jump the stall gates; give us your ticket.  We assume you didn’t pay.  If you did, you’ll have no qualms about proving it.

At a ‘random’ check-point at 2am, stopping all cars: Prove to us you weren’t drinking.  Give us your breath, your blood, your time.  We assume you’re drunk.  If you are not, you’ll have no qualms about proving it.

At the store (or the library!):  Prove to us you aren’t trying to steal anything.  Let us see inside your bag; let us search your purse, your person.  We assume you’re stealing.  If you are not, you will have no qualms about proving it.

At sporting events, prove to us you aren’t trying to sneak anything in.  Let us see inside your bag; let us search your purse, your person.  We assume you’re trying to smuggle in a drink, a snack, a weapon.  If you are not, you will have no qualms about proving it.  And we will make more rules assuming you are trying to get around them.  You may try to hide something in secret pocket, so we will allow only certain clear bags into the park, etc., etc.

On the corner: Prove you live here.  Prove you aren’t scouting the place.  Prove we should let you walk here.  Prove you aren’t trafficking illegal goods.  Give us your answers, your time, your attention.  Let us search your car, your person.  We assume you don’t belong; we assume you must be doing something nefarious.  If we’re wrong, you will have no qualms about proving it.  And we will make laws to prevent you from being here.  You may be plotting something with your friends, so we will make gangs illegal and declare that three or more people congregated in the same area is a gang; we will declare the steps of your publicly-owned apartment complex a No Loitering Zone; etc., etc.

And we build and build, making every potential step in the process illegal in-and-of-itself.  You might drink from the previously opened wine bottle in your back seat while driving, so it is illegal to have it in your back seat.  You might attack someone with your pepper-spray, so it is illegal to bring it into the building.  Minors might graffiti buildings, so it is illegal to sell them spray paint.  Etc. Etc. Etc.  Never mind there may be legitimate reasons for any of these things.  Everything is predicated on fear, assumption of the worst, and assumption that every law and rule must be made for those who will try to get around them.

Constantly, every day, prove, prove, prove.  Prove you are not doing wrong, prove you are not a bad person.  Obey us and prove!  Because not obeying is also illegal.  Everyone is a suspect, everyone is bad until they prove otherwise.

It takes its toll, these constant accusations, incessantly being fed the idea that you can presume good of no one.  Incessantly being fed the idea that no one can presume good of you.

How about we worry about when people actually do something harmful, instead of worrying about steps that could be taking steps that could be towards doing something harmful? In all areas of life.