1. |
Alone
02:44
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Whenever I'm alone I get this feeling, it's happening once again
I'm at half a glass without you, drowning in a whirlpool on the shallow end
But whenever you're around I am a fever, a hot flush in your face
The vermin in your garden, overgrown yet trying to pick up the pace
So I'd rather be alone
We're told to behave when there are borders and I'm afraid of heights
The walls you scale are frightening, tall and overwhelming,
They stand to remind how I just can't be myself in this atmosphere, it's much too thick
I just keep on choking instead of only breathing and I'm over it
A-L-O-N-E
All would be fine if you'd just leave me
A-L-O-N-E
All would be find if you'd just please leave me alone
I get this feeling, it's happening once again
And how dare you remind me, living in fond memories
Pretending we're still friends
Cause whenever I'm with you, I yearn for answers
Neat, wrapped in a bow
A simple explanation to expel frustration that you'll never know
Cause I'd rather be alone
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2. |
Body
02:36
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My body ain't built to do the things I tell it to
It's covered in guilt and my inherent attitude
Who I am on the paper never translates to life,
Ask me your questions and I'll give you the fight
Connected so clearly in the tones of these bones,
The sounds of the choir, "all rise!," the body sings
My body ain't shy to let me know it needs a fix
It coos and it cries until I get the best of it
Who we are on the surface is forgot late at night,
When we all go home alone to face morning light
Shining so brightly through your bedroom window
The sounds of betrayal, "all rise," the body sings
Ba da da da da da da da!
The body sings ba da da da da da da!
The body sings, "Why do you insist on living
When all you know and all you want is
Within reach but always slipping?"
My body sings "Let me at it, let me have it"
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3. |
Close Enough
03:51
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I can’t keep running
So we walk, we walk, we’re straddling the line
Between our thoughts and biding too much time
Stand down demons, we’re breaking even
I’ll give you my word if you hand me the knife
Twisting shoulders, we’re all getting older
So we walk, we walk, we’re straddling the line
Between our thoughts and biding too much time
And even if you were a part of me it would never be close enough
Even if you were alive in me it would never be close enough
Waiting softly, for someone to save me
It feels so wrong now but once I felt it was right
It only takes a second for us all to figure out
That no one’s coming and that’s what it’s all about
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4. |
Ghostwriter
02:20
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Well I can't turn away, no I can't rework the plot
Already wrote the end, but it isn't what you want
Try to ignore the edits but it doesn't mean they're gone
Still hidden, locked and loaded like the guilt you prey upon
Tuck in leftover questions: the what? The where? And why?
It feels like you're the ghostwriter in the pages of this life
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5. |
Illusion
02:07
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We’re meant to harness the world and think we’re granting it life
Take all it can give, and then wonder why
We’re meant to burn all the books, then claim the written word’s dead
Lock the drawer with the Bible, and then turn it to ash
And so we believe we’re well when we’re nothing but sick
Filled with comfort in shame, tell me, how do we rid ourselves of it?
I heard we’re meant to be ghosts, trapped between life and death
Pixelated and fading, until nothing is left
So be honest with me: do you finally feel seen?
Or is it just an illusion?
The face behind the screen
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6. |
Crazy
03:36
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For such a lonely soul who always opted out
I'm at the point I can't live without you, there's just no doubt
You hold me in my sleep and bring to life my dreams
And when I deplore, say "I was better before," you remind me quietly
Who needs the whole story when you've got a summary?
And who needs a good morning when you've got a silver screen?
And who needs you baby when I've got my megabytes?
The whole world's gone crazy and so have I
Put away that paper, baby, cause I'm your pen
Put away that brain of yours, tuck it into bed
Cause who needs thoughts? Those hapless worries that trouble your day
I know you were sure you were better before but, honey, I'm here to stay
I am sure I was better before...
Are you sure you were better before?
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7. |
Pretty
03:19
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I want to be pretty, but I can't make you see me
Pinch the skin on my waist, pick the scars on my face
But in this reflection, there lies a distraction
So I refresh the feed, convinced that it's what I need
We trace our souls with coals drawn from the fire
An outline thick with imminent desire
You're pretty
Pretty wicked for a saint
And now that I'm pretty, there's no need to disguise
Now I'm fit in your eyes
And since you can see me, we'll take this show on parade
And I'll lead the tirade, screamin'...
When you choose to wade in shallow water
Don't be shocked when you drown at the altar
You're pretty
Pretty wicked for a saint
For the one who pretended not to care
About "the look," or what to wear
For the one who claimed not to drink the poison of what other people think
Do you find me pretty?
Do you fancy me pretty?
Do you think that I'm pretty?
Yeah, pretty wicked for a...
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8. |
Queen of No
02:34
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Well I write, and wait, and write again, but it never is enough
You can at least extend the courtesy of telling me it sucks
It’s only my heart, my crystal ball
Constant shadows of the past
You can stab my feet a thousand times, but still I’d walk on glass
I’m the Queen of “No”
Gather dust, shake it off, then start again
Cast all my stones to the abyss
And if I put these words through the wash, I wonder what’d be left?
Rinse the suds, the stains, the blood and then tell me just what I have
It’s intentional yet shameful, obvious it’s all about me
All the lines are so repetitive, “knee” or “key” or just to “breathe”
It’s an ocean of pure vanity,
I search for land but I keep treading sea
Reaching toes down to the sunken floor,
And all I’m wanting is somebody who gives me final call, not second grace
If it’s brutal, please, say it to my face
Can’t you see I’m drowning in it?
And I’d rather know… if it’s time, turn it in…
Fuck you! I’ll go down with this ship
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9. |
Spark
04:00
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It’s hard to see through the fog that’s surrounding me
Your grip is strong but still I stop to breathe
I feel my chest torn towards the latter half
The former a warm glow against my back
And now, I only wish to have you
Take it back to the beginning light the spark
My head’s within reason, my heart’s within treason
Take it back to the beginning light the…
A strong desire for a note or a simple rhyme
A brush of luck, the spinning of a dime
No matter where it falls, there’s no contest
Even at our worst, we’re our best
But in the twist of fate how am I to choose?
No matter which road I take, I lose
And now, I only wish to tell you
I swore you felt it too
Why can’t I feel it too?
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10. |
Better
04:15
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The gown twist ties were caught up in my hair
The IV stuck in both my arms
And for a moment I thought I might die
Or at best come through irreparably scarred
And though part of that hunch was right
Turns out I lived to see another night
Fuck yeah! I’m better than I’ve been in a while
Bet you never thought you’d see me smile quite like this again
Fuck yeah! I’m better than I’ve been in a long time
Won’t be kept on the sideline quite like that again
The months bled, turned from ruby to rust
You told me pain was like season’s change
Drove me around, gave me comfort and sound advice
Hid me from the rain
And though the hole in my gut was real
I felt the ache in my heart could heal
No one’s entitled to happiness
Not guaranteed a second chance
But could this be it?
I stopped chasing that dream
But maybe it found me…
There’s a struggle in the making, one I keep on running from
I just hate this story so much, hate the part that I’ve become
I don’t want feed this envy, I don’t want to fear this clean
But there’s still this murky water that is dredging up in me
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Stress Dolls Buffalo, New York
I'm the Queen of No
Buffalo, NY
Stress Dolls recommends:
Urge Surfer is an electro-pop project with my friend Jordan and this is our debut album. All tracks were written via email and recorded at Jordan's house. Totally different from Stress Dolls!
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Alphabet Archive
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Urge Surfer's most recent EP, released in August of 2024. This effort is, in some ways, even more collaborative than the last, with lyrics provided by both Jordan and I.
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