Stop pressure-cooking your child’s cognitive health: How to support your child’s development without overwhelming them

There was a poor man who, after several prayers, was given a boon by God. It was ordained that all the area he could cover between sunrise and sunset before he returned home would be his. At sunrise the man set off super excited and bounding with energy! In a couple of hours he had covered good ground! Something told him he should turn back; however, he thought he should cover a little more area before turning back. It was midday, the sun was now bearing down on him and he was tiring- yet he pegged on- just a little more property, he thought! By the time he did turn back, he realised he had a huge way to return and in desperation he began running– thoroughly exhausted, frustrated and over whelmed, he died many miles from home.
This is as much a story about greed as much as understanding and respecting one’s own abilities, and maximising them rather than trying to do much beyond one’s own ability. There was a tussle between the man’s desire and his ability.
Sometimes parenting puts us in a similar situation. Wanting our child to do more and more is our desire subjecting her to exceed her ability- and in the process losing all that she could have achieved rather easily. This comes from the redoubtable concept that children are like sponges and can absorb everything that they are exposed to. We fail to remember that every sponge gets saturated and can’t absorb beyond a point. Or the equally dubious concept that children are like clay to be moulded by an efficient potter.
A far more truthful understanding of how children develop comes to us from the work of Lev Vygotsky, the legendary psychologist; he gave us the concept of the zone of proximal development. He said that a child has an innate ability- it is important to offer the child a hand to help him go a step further. And holding on to the next rung of a scaffold, a vine can cover the entire fence over time. But if the rungs are too far spaced, the vine can’t make up the huge gap and falls through the gaps. Conversely, if the rungs are too close, the vine will hardly get the time to grip each rung firmly and will be weak.
Too many of us make our children’s lives difficult by either making it too difficult for them or too easy for them.
Parents today start in right earnest and early. I have a brilliant friend who believes his child is a “project” that he doesn’t want to go wrong- so he has prioritised this project over everything else- including his career.. and friendships!

What starts with the “right’ bedding, complementary feeding, vaccines, etcetra spills over into the “right” play school, pre school, school, extra learning classes, sports, dramatics, language, phonetics- just so that you are giving the best to your child and the child does not lag behind in any opportunity!
The life of a child revolves around hours and hours of carefully curated classes, activities and tasks- highly structured of course. This leads on to academics and different curricula and boards and the best courses and the best tutors, What the child misses out on is just being herself of himself. Even the social interaction is curated to give the child the perfect grooming! The non curricular activities are as keenly fought and fussed over as the curricular ones.
As study I came across (BMC Psychology, 2023) explores the dual nature of parental involvement, noting that while positive engagement can foster resilience, over-involvement may lead to increased stress and depressive symptoms, especially if children perceive it negatively.
High academic expectations and pressure contribute to mental health issues such as anxiety and depression, particularly in children and adolescents who struggle with emotional regulation (Frontiers in Psychology, 2022). Multiple studies reveal how cultural norms and systemic academic expectations shape children’s mental health and learning experiences emphasizing the need for balanced approaches and systemic educational changes. There is evidence for how overemphasis on academic drilling or heavily structured environments can stifle qualities that lead to strong cognitive skills. A longitudinal study published (Child Development) found that children with higher levels of play-based learning during early childhood demonstrated stronger executive functions compared to those who experienced more formalized educational and social interactions, and regular breaks or downtime are integral to learning. Research published in Pediatrics highlights that while stimulating experiences are beneficial, bombarding children with excessive structured activities can be counterproductive. In fact, a survey conducted by the American Psychological Association found that nearly 60% of teens report feeling stressed, primarily due to pressure related to school and extracurricular activities. A child driven by performance benchmarks may develop anxiety, stress and a loss of self-motivation.
What does this have to do with parenting? It is perhaps easy to understand that overfeeding your child will make her obese and lead to a host of medical problems. But it is not easy to ‘see’ that over stimulating them with information and learning material and educational activities will have disastrous outcomes rather than making them wise or sagacious or help them deal with life any better.
So while you watch that weighing scale, remain vigilant for signs of cognitive overload, which can manifest in various ways. A 2021 study found that nearly 40% of school-aged children experiencing high academic pressure reported sleep disturbances, a critical impediment to healthy brain development. Persistent stress from high expectations can lead to mood changes, irritability and anxiety disorders. Chronic stress in children is linked to decreased cognitive functioning and mental health issues later in life (The Journal of Adolescent Health). If a child who once loved reading or solving puzzles suddenly withdraws from them, it could be due to cognitive exhaustion.
In conclusion, fostering cognitive development is about nurturing a child’s capacity to learn and adapt, not filling their day with endless tasks. Parents, please develop trust that when your children are provided the space to explore, fail, and succeed on their own terms, they build the most important skills of all: resilience, critical thinking, and a love for learning. By trading the pressure-cooker approach for a supportive, balanced strategy, you can help your children thrive without overwhelming them. As we redefine success, let us measure it by the well-being and joy of childhood, setting the stage for confident, capable adults.
Authored by: Dr. Samir H Dalwai, Developmental Behavioural Paediatrician