5 modern etiquette rules to shift your mindset

Etiquette has been around dating back to the ancient kings and queens of our time, originally developed as a framework for royalty and the elite to navigate their interactions with dignity and respect. It was a way to establish order and demonstrate refinement when dealing with important people and high-stakes situations. While the origins of etiquette may seem far removed from our everyday lives, the core principles of etiquette remain highly relevant.
Today, etiquette is not about rigid rules or exclusivity—it’s about leveling up our interactions with others, showing respect, and fostering meaningful connections. In a world that now often leans toward casualness, etiquette serves as a guide to navigating relationships and interactions with grace, making it a timeless tool for living a more intentional and impactful life.
As social situations evolve, traditional etiquette rules often do not apply and the ‘rules’ are left up to interpretation. That’s when I like to remind myself of the foundations of etiquette, as emphasized by Emily Post which are honesty, consideration, and respect. These timeless principles can guide us through any situation, helping us to build trust, foster connections, and approach life with grace.
To bring these principles to life, let’s explore some modern scenarios that demonstrate how etiquette can help you navigate the complexities of today’s social landscape.
Consideration Tipping is more than a transaction—it’s an opportunity to show genuine appreciation.
I encourage you to focus less on the interaction of giving money, and focus more on the reason why you are tipping. Tipping is about more than the amount; it’s about showing appreciation for service. While the amount may vary depending on the situation the real etiquette lies in how the tip is given. By offering your gratitude with grace and thoughtfulness, your tip will be appreciated more wholly.
Etiquette has evolved to emphasize empathy and humanity, making kindness and appreciation integral to how we interact with others—especially those who provide us with service. The way you treat service and wait staff reflects not only your character but also your understanding of shared humanity. Kindness and respect go a long way, and it’s important to avoid dismissing or being aggressive toward those who serve you. Instead, acknowledge their efforts with simple yet meaningful gestures like a smile, eye contact, and a sincere thank-you.
Tipping, too, should come from a place of genuine gratitude rather than feeling pompous or performative. It’s not just about the amount but the intention behind it—showing that you truly value the care and effort extended to you. In a world that can often feel rushed and impersonal, small acts of kindness and appreciation make a significant impact, fostering a more gracious and connected society.
Have you ever been at a dinner where half the table is scrolling through Instagram?

In an era of constant connectivity, being truly “present” often gets overlooked. Etiquette teaches us how to interact with others, guiding us to create meaningful connections in the moments we share. However, constantly being on your phone isn’t interacting with those connections—it pulls you away from the life and relationships right in front of you. If you want a fulfilling life, live fully in the moment with the people and experiences you're surrounded by.
If you are focusing purely on the rules of etiquette? Phones shouldn’t be at the table during dinners, when chatting with friends, meeting with clients, or at board meetings. Their presence signals that you're only half engaged. A simple habit like keeping your phone facedown can show others that they have your full attention.
Making plans you know you won’t keep isn’t just impolite—it signals a lack of self-confidence and communication skills, both of which are crucial for setting clear boundaries.
As an emotional intelligence and communication coach, I often see this behavior as a reflection of discomfort with saying “no” or a fear of disappointing others. However, true confidence lies in being honest and upfront about your availability and intentions.
Above all, stop making plans you have no intention of keeping. Thoughtless cancellations or no-shows send the message that someone’s time and effort don’t matter, which can harm relationships. Instead, practice honest communication and respect others’ time. These small but significant actions build trust and reflect emotional intelligence, setting the foundation for stronger connections.
Casual comments or questions that may seem harmless can unintentionally offend, especially in today’s multicultural world.
Asking intrusive questions about someone’s background or making a comment about their accent can cause discomfort and hurt, even if it wasn't meant that way. This is why it is so important to build the skills of thoughtful and empathetic communication.
Before you speak, it's important to think about whether what you're saying is true, necessary for the purpose of the conversation, and kind. Instead of asking questions like, "Where are you really from?" which may come across as intrusive, consider framing it as, "Tell me about your background—I’d love to know more."
Not only is this a rule of etiquette, this approach works because it reflects thoughtfulness and respect for others, fostering an environment where communication is inclusive and everyone feels valued. Practicing empathy and cultural sensitivity means listening more, making fewer assumptions, and ensuring that the words we choose are intentional, kind, and contribute positively to the conversation. Thoughtful communication builds trust and helps create stronger, more meaningful connections.
Etiquette isn’t about rules for rules’ sake; it’s about fostering better relationships, building trust, and creating environments where everyone feels respected.
Whether it’s canceling plans gracefully, tipping with grace, or being culturally sensitive, these updated rules help you show up as the best version of yourself.
In a world that’s constantly evolving, shifting your mindset from simply following the rules of etiquette to leading with honesty, consideration, and respect will transform the way you interact with both yourself and others. This approach not only makes your interactions more graceful and elegant but also helps you build relationships rooted in these same core principles.
The truth is, the etiquette rulebook hasn’t become obsolete—it’s simply adapted to meet today’s needs. And the best part? It’s accessible to everyone, everywhere, and every day.
Authored by: Dr. Taylor Elizabeth, Emotional Intelligence and Etiquette Coach