- Fry: We have to track down my nose before some alien snarfs it and does the worm. Who's in?
- Leela: Me, Bender, and maybe Zoidberg if he feels like it.
- Dr. Zoidberg: No, I'm good.
- Lrrr: What am I saying? If I poached this beast's lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust? Yes. But not by enough.
- Documentary Narrator: Remember, it's up to us. Bigfoot is a crucial part of the ecosystem, if he exists. So let's all keep Bigfoot possibly alive for future generations, unless he doesn't exist. The end!
- Lrrr: You got any... uh... you know...
- [He mutters]
- Sex Shop Salesman: Speak up. You're muttering.
- Lrrr: [clearing his throat] I said, human... horn?
- Sex Shop Salesman: You're not a cop, right?
- Lrrr: Oh, no, no. I'm just some guy. RULER OF THE PLANET OMICRON PERSEI 8!
- Fry: [as he is being sucked into a spaceship] Hey, what's the big idea? Stop abducting me! Why does your vanity plate say PROBE1?
- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: Bunk! Bunk, I say! Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up!
- Ranger Park: I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot.
- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: Shut up!
- Fry: Bigfoot, is that you? I'm not like the others, Bigfoot. I see through the monster coating to the gentle loner inside. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go, "Rooh! Rooh!" But in the end they shoot you, but you teach us about things.
- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: Don't tell me you believe in Bigfoot, you blithering ninny-hammer.
- Fry: Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with.
- Dr. Zoidberg: Why?
- Fry: 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters, yet longed to be one.
- Dr. Zoidberg: I can so relate to that.
- Fry: [Pulling out a photo of himself] This is the nose we're looking for. Did you sell it to somebody?
- Sex Shop Salesman: I'm sorry, friend, but due to the perverted nature of our business, customer records are strictly confidential.
- [Leela punches salesman in stomach]
- Sex Shop Salesman: Ugh! Right this way.
- Leela: Well, why don't you think back to what brought you together in the first place?
- Nd-Nd: Oh, I don't know. Lrrr used to be so tender.
- Lrrr: [groans] I only wrote that poem to test my printer!
- Nd-Nd: We'd go walking in the woods, and Lrrr would find injured tinklebunnies and nurse them back to health.
- Lrrr: Yes, but I was the one who injured them!
- Nd-Nd: Oh, shush. You stepped on them by accident and you cried all night. That's the kind of sensitive man you used to be.
- Lrrr: And you used to wear a size-3 cape, but not anymore. Now bring me that lower horn while I'm still in the mood.
- Bender: Oh, my God! Look! It's Bigfoot!
- Ranger Park: Where?
- Bender: Eh, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life though.
- Fry: Oh, great space king, I humbly beg you to return my human horn.
- Lrrr: Uh, human horn? How ridiculous! Why would a virile male like Lrrr need human horn? I don't even know what it's for. What is it, something you-you put in salad dressing?
- Nd-Nd: Like you've ever seen a salad.
- Lrrr: My weight is appropriate and attractive!