- Lord Varys: You will be pleased to know our mutual friend is doing quite well in Lady Sansa's service.
- Tyrion Lannister: Good. One of my better ideas.
- Lord Varys: And it seems the Grand Maester has found his way into a black cell?
- [Tyrion shrugs]
- Lord Varys: Well played, my lord Hand. But should I be worried? Janos Slynt, Pycelle... the small council grows smaller every day.
- Tyrion Lannister: The council has a reputation for serving past Hands poorly. I don't mean to follow Ned Stark to the grave.
- Lord Varys: Power is a curious thing, my lord. Are you fond of riddles?
- Tyrion Lannister: Why? Am I about to hear one?
- Lord Varys: Three great men sit in a room: a king, a priest, and a rich man. Between them stands a common sellsword. Each great man bids the sellsword kill the other two. Who lives, who dies?
- Tyrion Lannister: Depends on the sellsword.
- Lord Varys: Does it? He has neither crown, nor gold, nor favor with the gods.
- Tyrion Lannister: He has a sword, the power of life and death.
- Lord Varys: But if it's swordsmen who rule, why do we pretend kings hold all the power? When Ned Stark lost his head, who was truly responsible? Joffrey? The executioner? Or something else?
- Tyrion Lannister: I've decided I don't like riddles.
- [pause]
- Lord Varys: Power resides where men believe it resides. It's a trick. A shadow on the wall. And a very small man can cast a very large shadow.
- [Theon talks with his father about sending him to Winterfell when he was a child]
- Theon Greyjoy: You act as if I volunteered to go. You gave me away, if you remember. The day you bent the knee to Robert Baratheon, after he crushed you. Did he take what was yours then?
- [Balon slaps Theon]
- Theon Greyjoy: You gave me away! Your boy! Your last boy! You gave me away like I was some dog you didn't want anymore. And now you curse me because I've come home.
- [Yoren just learnt of the dreams Arya has of her father's execution]
- Yoren: You know, we've got something in common, me and you. You know that? I must have been a couple of years older than you. I saw my brother stabbed through the heart right on our doorstep. He weren't much of a villain what skewered him. Willem, the lad's name was. He ran off before anyone could spit. And I just stood there, watching my brother die. Here's the funny part. I can't picture my brother's face anymore. But Willem, oh, he was a nice-looking boy. He had good white teeth, blue eyes, one of those dimpled chins all the girls like. I would think about him when I was working, when I was drinking, when I was having a shit. It got to the point where I would say his name every night before I went to bed. Willem. Willem. Willem. A prayer almost. Well, one day, Willem came riding back into town. I buried an ax so deep in Willem's skull they had to bury him with it. Willem's horse got me to the Wall and I've been wearing black ever since. That'll help you sleep, eh?
- [Sansa is dining with Cersei, Myrcella and Tommen]
- Tommen Baratheon: Is Joffrey going to kill Sansa's brother?
- Cersei Lannister: He might. Would you like that?
- Tommen Baratheon: No. I don't think so.
- Tyrion Lannister: You disappoint me, Grand Maester.
- Grand Maester Pycelle: I am your loyal servant.
- Tyrion Lannister: So loyal that you told the queen about my plans to send Myrcella to Dorne.
- Grand Maester Pycelle: No! Never! It's a falsehood! I swear it! It wasn't me! Ah, Varys. It was Varys, the spideeeerr!
- Tyrion Lannister: See, I told Varys that I was giving the princess to the Greyjoys. I told Littlefinger I planned to wed her to Robyn Arryn. I told no one that I was offering her to the Dornish. No one but you.
- Grand Maester Pycelle: The eunuch has spies everywhere.
- Tyrion Lannister: Cut off his manhood and feed it to the goats.
- Timett: There are no goats, halfman.
- Tyrion Lannister: Well make do!
- Tyrion Lannister: [to Pycelle] How long have you been spying for my sister?
- Grand Maester Pycelle: All I did, I did for House Lannister! Always! Your Lord father, ask him. I've always been his servant, since the days of the Mad King.
- Tyrion Lannister: [casually to Bronn] I don't like his beard.
- Grand Maester Pycelle: What? No, no!
- [Bronn cuts off Pycelle's beard with a blade]
- [Cersei discovers that Tyrion wants to send Myrcella to the Martells]
- Cersei Lannister: You monster! Myrcella is my only daughter. Do you really think I will let you sell her like a common whore?
- Tyrion Lannister: Myrcella is a princess. Some would say she was born for this.
- Cersei Lannister: I will not let you ship her of to Dorne as I was shipped off to Robert Baratheon.
- Tyrion Lannister: Dorne is the safest place for her.
- Cersei Lannister: Are you mad? The Martells loathe us.
- Tyrion Lannister: That's why we need to seduce them. We're going to need their support in the war your son started.
- Cersei Lannister: She'll be a hostage.
- Tyrion Lannister: A guest.
- Cersei Lannister: You won't get away with this. You think the piece of paper Father gave you keeps you safe? Ned Stark had a piece of paper, too.
- Tyrion Lannister: [referring to Pycelle] Find him?
- Bronn: Aye and he's got company.
- Bronn: Filthy old stout. I almost hate to interrupt.
- Tyrion Lannister: No you don't.
- Bronn: You're right, I don't.
- Shae: You won't let me leave this room. You won't let me...
- Tyrion Lannister: Shh. Shh. Keep your voice down.
- Shae: Why? Do you think your father can hear me?
- Shae: [yells] He's three hundred miles away!
- Tyrion Lannister: [sighs] I don't intend for you to stay here. I might be able to bring you into the castle kitchens. Again, only temporary.
- Shae: Every man who's tasted my cooking, has told me what a good whore I am.
- Tyrion Lannister: But you wouldn't be a cook. You'd pose as a scullion.
- Shae: A scullion? What is a scullion?
- Tyrion Lannister: Kitchen wench.
- Shae: A kitchen wench?
- Tyrion Lannister: Yes, but...
- Shae: Cleaning pots?
- [Shae places her hands on her hips]
- Shae: Is that how my lion wants to see me?
- Tyrion Lannister: Your lion wants to see you alive. We've come to a dangerous place. My sister wants to hurt me. She'll look for any weakness she can find. She can't know about you.
- [Shae towers over Tyrion]
- Shae: I'm the weakness?
- Tyrion Lannister: It's a compliment, my lady.
- Shae: How is being a weakness a compliment?
- Tyrion Lannister: Language can be a bit tricky here.
- Shae: Oh, I'm too stupid to understand? The stupid foreign girl. I am not a kitchen wench.
- [Catelyn and her escorts arrive at Renly's camp, where a tournament is held: Loras Tyrell fights another knight. Loras is armed with axe, while his opponent uses a flail. Renly and his queen Margaery are watching. The crowd cheers for the opponents, mostly for Loras. Margaery stands on her feet and cheers for her brother]
- Margaery Tyrell: Loras! Highgarden!
- [Loras knocks his opponent's shield away, then the flail. The other knight charges at Loras, grabs him by the waist and knocks him to the ground. The crowd boos in disapproval. Loras' opponent opens his visor and holds a dagger near his unprotected face]
- Loras Tyrell: I yield! I yield!
- [Margaery sits down, disappointed at her brother's defeat. The winning knight stands and sheathes the dagger. Loras stands and quickly moves away from his opponent]
- Renly Baratheon: [claps his hands] Well fought! Approach.
- [Loras removes his helmet. His opponent approaches Renly and bows]
- Renly Baratheon: Rise. Remove your helm.
- [the knight rises and removes the helmet. Catelyn and the rest of the crowd are surprised to see it is a woman - Brienne of Tarth]
- Renly Baratheon: You are all your father promised and more, my lady. I've seen Ser Loras bested once or twice, but... never quite in that fashion.
- [Loras is visibly annoyed to hear that]
- Margaery Tyrell: Now, now, my love. My brother fought valiantly for you.
- [Renly smiles at his queen]
- Renly Baratheon: That he did, my queen. But there can be only one champion! Brienne of Tarth, you may ask anything of me you desire. If it is within my power, it is yours.
- Brienne of Tarth: [bows gracefully] Your Grace, I ask the honor of a place in your Kingsguard.
- [the crowd gasps, for this is unprecedented request]
- Loras Tyrell: [quietly] What?
- Brienne of Tarth: I will be one of your seven, pledge my life to yours, and keep you safe from all harm.
- [after long moment of silence, Renly answers:]
- Renly Baratheon: Done! Rise, Brienne of the Kingsguard.
- [Renly claps his hands, and Margaery joins him. The crowd applauds, but rather feebly. Brienne stands. Catelyn and one of her escorts approach]
- Myrcella Baratheon: When will Joffrey and Sansa be married?
- Cersei Lannister: Soon, darling, when the war is over.
- Myrcella Baratheon: [to preoccupied Sansa] Mother says I'll have a new gown for the ceremony, and another for the feast. But yours will be ivory... since you're the bride.
- [Sansa does not answer]
- Cersei Lannister: The princess just spoke to you.
- Sansa Stark: Pardon, Your Grace. I'm sure your dress will be beautiful, Myrcella. I'm counting the days till the fighting is done and I can pledge my love to Joffrey in sight of the gods.
- Tommen Baratheon: Is Joffrey going to kill Sansa's brother?
- Cersei Lannister: He might. Would you like that?
- Tommen Baratheon: I don't think so.
- Cersei Lannister: Even if he does, Sansa will do her duty. Won't you, little dove?
- Maester Luwin: [to Bran] Maybe magic once was a mighty force in the world. But not anymore.
- [shakes his head]
- Maester Luwin: The dragons are gone. The giants are dead. And the Children of the Forest forgotten.
- [Bran sighs]
- [after Loras reminds Renly him that Margaery is still a virgin]
- Renly Baratheon: I should warn you, I - I've had quite a bit of wine.
- Margaery Tyrell: As is your right. You are a king.
- Renly Baratheon: You look very beautiful.
- Margaery Tyrell: Thank you, Your Grace.
- Renly Baratheon: It's a lovely gown.
- Margaery Tyrell: You think so? I can't decide how I like it better. This way... or... this way.
- [Margaery removes her bustier. Renly glances uneasily at her bare breasts]
- Renly Baratheon: You certainly don't need it.
- [Margaery closes in for a kiss]
- Renly Baratheon: Although... some say the beauty most desired is... the beauty concealed.
- [Margaery showers Renly with kisses, but there is no desired response]
- Renly Baratheon: Must be the wine, I...
- Margaery Tyrell: [smiles] Here, let me...
- [Margaery showers Renly with kisses, but there is no desired response]
- Margaery Tyrell: Do you want my brother to come in and help?
- Renly Baratheon: [dismayed] What?
- Margaery Tyrell: He could get you started. I know he wouldn't mind. Or I can turn over, and you can pretend I'm him.
- [Margaery turns a bit sideways]
- Renly Baratheon: [shivering] I don't know what you're talking about.
- [Renly stands aside]
- Margaery Tyrell: There's no need for us to play games. Save your lies for court. You're going to need a lot of them.
- [Margaery sits down next to Renly]
- Margaery Tyrell: Your enemies aren't happy about us. They want to tear us apart. And the best way to stop them... is to put your baby... in my belly. We can try again later. You decide how you want to do it, with me, with me and Loras, however else you like. Whatever you need to do. You... are a king.
- [Margaery gently kisses Renly's cheek]
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