Reviews

Teacup Peacock 1.2 My Little Lighthouse

The group seek help after the electricity and cell phone service cuts out only to find the mystery only growing bigger.... uh-oh

Turns out I was correct to keep watching, as this was just as good and gripping as the first episode (perhaps more so). Although it starts off at a somewhat slower pace, the episode definitely picks up as they encounter a mystery person (No worries, I won't spoil anything)

This makes me excited to actually watch more of this series next Thursday as it's shaping up to be a solid Halloween season watch. Extremely impressed thus far.

Teacup 1.1 Think About the Bubbles Peacock

A group of neighbors experience some strange happenings while on a secluded farm

I liked the thick atmosphere and tension of this and the mystery kept me intrigued throughout, the acting was well-done so I'll definitely watch the next episode

Also I appreciate the half-hour format, not everything has to be around 60 minutes nowadays(which seems to be the norm for anything that's not a sitcom)

But yeah overall a very solid first episode and I'm very intrigued to see where this one is going. Hopefully the show doesn't let me down. I don't think it will.

B+

Angry Birds: Mystery Island Prime Video Childrens Adventure spinoff

Put this one on during lunch with my son. He was hesitant at first but after one episode he was all in.

At around 15 minutes or so per episode this wound up turning into a binge while he munched down on his food and wondered who the three birds and the pig would get off the island that they were stranded on and laughed at the slapstick adventures

I enjoyed it as well. Cute show. Handful of pop culture references from decades ago that flew over his head obviously, but we both really liked it.

Now we're just waiting for more episodes to drop.

This is the second film I've seen starring Jet Jandreau and while I liked The Vigilante for what it was, she's undeniably much better in this black, psychological low-key thriller set in the Prohibition era. Baring all, body and soul, Jet gives a remarkably subtle performance as a put-upon wife with unspoken desires. She makes the film her own.

The film is an extremely slow-burn and not all threads are tied up. If either of those two things are deal breakers for you, you'll might be disappointed. But as for mem I found the movie quite good and eagerly anticipate whatever Jandreau decides to do next.

#FastX (Spoiler-free)

At this point, I don't know if spoilers for certain aspects of this film would in fact be spoilers or be considered a PSA, but I digress. I get ahead of myself. Let's start from the beginning

Momma always taught me not to write angry. My local AMC being a scant 2 miles from my apartment, I decided it was as good a time as any to heed that axiom. Perhaps the brisk walk home would calm me down. Settle my nerves. Perhaps I could even devise a less profanity-laden diatribe of how awful this film was and approach it in a state of zen.

The walk worked a tad but when I started writing I could feel the seeth start anew. The endless cliched dialog recycled from countless other films, the stale humor way past its expiration date, the ok action sequences that were better done in previous Fast and furious films. The Ending... all of these intertwined to leave a rancid taste in my mouth.

Even the parts of the film that worked (Jason Momoa makes for a reasonably fun villain, Statham is always a joy to watch doing his thing) are fleeting, in the later's case his part is much to small, in the former the long bloated runtime dillutes his appeal somewhat

Is it an all together AWFUL film? Nope not really. It is what it is. Is it a vast disappointing outing for the series? YES

D (me being generous)

TLDR: Go on keep milking the franchise for every last drop and see how many of us say F it and merely wait for streaming.

Can I just say how refreshing it is to watch a 21st-century woodsy horror/thriller and it NOT be 'elevated horror' that's symbolic of trauma

This TO (one Tubi acquired as opposed to making it in-house) is a well-shot scenic Scottish cat and mouse 'friends lost in the woods' picture that has good scenery, some nice tension, impressive acting and surprisingly well done gore effects. I found myself much more impressed than I expected.

As far as 2023 TOs go (and there are a decent amount of them thus far as Tubi seems to add three a week on average. Yeah that blows my mind as well) Mercy Falls climbs almost to the top.

Phone, energy drink, printer, remote, mouse

Sorry don't mind me, I'm just attempting to control my temper as to not obliterate this one inane awful dumpster fire of a remake. VERY sloppy on every technical level and don't get me started on the atrocious dialog

But hey we finally got a Stephen King remake worse than (insert pretty much every King remake made in the 21sr Century as they're all uniformly putrid)'So this film bot even clearing that extremely low var is extremely telling on the suffering you'll endure

Oh I almost forget. No spoilers but animal lovers do NOT go see this. You've been warned.

Massive disappointment in this film. My own damn fault as I built it up in my head too much. When it was character-centric I enjoyed it a lot more, but the more action and generic it got my interests waned exponentially. Also too much 'hey this cage movie, memba that moments.

Profoundly deep, genuinely moving, utterly hilarious, highly imaginative and a visual feast. Haven't laughed this hard, cried this much or thought so deeply about any film in 2022 Much less all in the same viewing. This was indeed everything, everywhere all at once.

This lame exploitation spoof was putrid. Must have spent all its money on the extended John Goodman cameo (Don't even watch it for his five minutes of screentime)

The humor falls not only falls flat, it hits the ground with a thud. Furthermore for all the female form gazing by the camera, there's no nudity none. So the one concievable rationale left to watch this xrap is gone

Welp at least I can say I've seen Goodman's worst film ...BY FAR

Seen on IMDBTv.

Saw on Prime Video

Nicely short dialog-free short film, not really much to it plot-wise but pleasant enough cautionary Nordic folklore horror tale none the less

Dense diatribe on superficiality, this film is so very under-rated, unjustly crucified at Cannes. It may run for a tad too long but it's spellbinding satire with expert cinematography and noir trappings

Sometime between when the great Bob Clark slayed the horror movie with the classic Black Christmas and sleighed the family film with the seminal classic Christmas Story, he took time to nail the teen sex comedy genre

Porky is fat out cult classic and a staple of the genre, and while a lot of it doesn't hold up especially during current day climate, a good deal of the film still does.

Apparently the dead are fans of Doctor Who in the fun little comedic horror short. Makes up in smiles what it lacks in originality

Saw this on HBOMax

a woman comes home to an empty house or is it? This short had some good tension and was atmospheric to a point. However it's undone by a generic scenario done many times before and will likely be done many times after. I was left with the 'is that all?' feeling

Because baby elephant Jumbo masquerading as an overgrown Jerry is pretty much my spirit animal. Classic T&J short. Great ending

A really fun role reversal love triangle when Olive Oyl finds her 'Bluto' in the form of a flirty female boxer/Mae West-type. Lots of great gags in this Popeye short.

A well acted tense atmospheric slice of French goat horror that I enjoyed despite no real ending. I wouldn't mind a movie based on this.

Step 1 to enjoying this film: Divorce yourself from the previous incarnation. This film is a nice fun burger and the del Toro films are filet mignon It trades heart and soul for gore and action sequences

Step 2: Realize that it's a Millennium Film and should be treated as thus. A dumb fun action film. Like pretty much anything they put out be they Expandables, the Has Fallen movies, etc...)

Those 2 steps will affect your overall enjoyment of this film exponentially. Not to say there are not many flaws with this movie. The jokes fall flat, there's not NEARLY enough Lobster Johnson in the film (Hell I'd pay good money to see Thomas Haden Church in a spin-off film reprising that character's earlier exploits( But I was able to enjoy the movie for what it was and not damn it for what it wasn't.

First the good I'm glad that the film is out as the trailer played before every damn movie that I saw within the last 4 months. So that hell is over.

Now the bad, damn near everything else. Mediocre acting combines with a surprisingly unengaging story-line to make this one of the low points of the Conjuring Universe films. The film and everything that transpires within is also the dumbest of any of the films in the extended series. Lastly the lame attempts at 'humorous' one-lines fall flat.

The fact that the director of this is also tasked with The Conjuring 3 feels me with far more dread than anything that's contained in this film

Starts off a rather low-budget solitary zombie flick. Oh if it only stayed that way. Might have might a just ok short. MAYBE. However at even a mere 73 minutes or so it's still stretched ridiculously thin. The last 20 of which takes an already dumb film and triples down on it's stupidity. There's also a mid-credits stinger to sit through if you haven't thrown your remote through the tv at that point.

College kids go on a road trip to a place they shouldn't have in this dire little mess of a film. Struggling to think of anything redeeming about this and other than the opening scene of topless sunbathing, I'm coming up with a blank. And that's being generous. Horrid robotic acting and a threadbare plot both could've been forgiven if the film were fun. It's not.

A bickering couple take a trip to a weekend trip to a cabin in the woods in a vain attempt to save their crumbling marriage.unaware that someone is out there with malicious intent

I wouldn't want to spend 3 minutes with these two characters much less almost an hour and a half. It's grueling and moves at a snail's pace. And the 'action' or what passes for it, when it does come, it's not even worth it. A poor film on all fronts. Avoid it

What a pleasant surprise this film was. While trying not to get too much into detail, as not to spoil any of the intricacies of the movie, I'll say that while this is in the realm of sci-fi, the movie has much more on it's mind than merely that. It conveys as much in it's beautiful nuances and a refreshing subtlety that is sadly missing from many newer films of it's ilk. The film is also wonderfully acted across the board. So that doesn't hurt.

This mini-review was inspired by a haiku that I wrote on twitter, which I shall also include here for the sake of posterity (if for nothing else) Also in revised form as the original was sadly incorrectly in 5 7 6

Character driven

Well crafted slice of sci-fi

Deliberate pace

The only possible 'good' thing that I can attribute to this train-wreck of a film is that it almost makes me want to retroactively change my rating for the similarly atrocious first movie in this franchise and give it another star just so I can rate this one lower.

Anyways, Jacob Goodnight (WWE's Kane),comes back to life to kill incredibly dumb teenagers in a morgue, while contending with flashbacks to his overbearing religious nut of a mom The film's haphazard, illogical and doesn't have a scary bone in it's body. Not recommended except for perhaps the most lenient of slasher fans.

My Grade: D-