© Copyright Kidscape 2007 – downloaded from [Link].

uk Page 1

Dear Parents
Often, it can seem as if we live in frightening times, with threats to our
children from every side. We want to protect them – and yet we realise
the best gifts we can give them are the skills and the assurance that will
send them safely into the world. There are different lessons to learn at
every age, from toddler years to teens, as they face the challenges of
growing up. And we want them to feel confident enough to stand up to
situations, and knowledgeable enough to know when and how to get
away. As a parent myself, I know how challenging this can be, but also
how important.

Keep them Safe! Happily most children will not be abducted or abused, though many might
get lost or encounter bullying or theft. The Kidscape KeepSafe Code that
is explained in this leaflet has been developed over the 25 years we have
been advising children and parents on safety. Read it with your children, or
Copies of this publication in colour and with graphics can be ordered from paraphrase it so they will understand. Many children will benefit from
Kidscape practising these skills at home as a family – shouting a loud NO, for
instance, is difficult for many children. Practise till you feel the child has a
All rights reserved. This information is provided for personal use only. No
firm grasp on the techniques.
part of this publication may be reproduced or sold in any form without prior,
written permission from Kidscape. It’s vital not to frighten children – they’ll have heard many scary stories just
by listening to television or seeing a headline. Frightened children shut
down, and we want children who can think on their feet and make wise
judgments.
It’s important, too, to lay down a pattern of trust and talk between parent
and child. From the earliest years, pick a relaxing time for a child to tell you
what’s new, or what’s bothering him or her. Children do keep secrets,
whether they’re frightened, or threatened, or protecting a parent, or
embarrassed. You can’t help them unless they are willing to confide in you,
a habit born of love and attention.
A child with these skills is prepared for almost anything, something that
should give a family reassurance as children move out into the world.
Yours sincerely,
Michele Elliott, Director
KIDSCAPE, 2 Grosvenor Gardens, London SW1W ODH
© Copyright Kidscape 2007 – downloaded from [Link] Page 2

Safety ideas Points for Parents

GETTING LOST Children need to know how …
Arrange a place to meet in case you get separated from your children
while shopping or in a park or some other public place. If they get lost in or TO BE SAFE
near a shop, tell them to ask the shop assistant for help. Tell them not to Teach children that everyone has rights, such as the right to speak up,
go outside if you get separated. which should not be taken away. Tell children that no one should threaten
their right to be safe.
If travelling on public transport, arrange what to do if you or they get left on
a bus or train. Some parents tell them to stay on the bus or train and tell
the guard or driver. Others say to get off at the next stop and wait on the TO PROTECT THEIR OWN BODIES
platform or at the stop. Children need to know that their body belongs to them, particularly the
private parts that would be covered by their swimsuits.

PUBLIC TOILETS
If possible, go with your children when using any public toilet. Talk with
TO GET HELP AGAINST BULLIES
Tell children to enlist the help of friends or say NO without fighting. Bullies
children about what to do if they are accosted in a public toilet. Tell them to
are often cowards and a firm, loud NO from a group of children with the
leave immediately should anyone ask them “if they would like to see a
threat of adult intervention often puts them off.
surprise” or offer to take them into a cubicle or try to touch them.
In cases of real physical danger, children often have no choice but to
LIFTS surrender to the bully’s demands. Sometimes children will fight and get
Explain that they can wait for the next lift if they feel worried about hurt to protect a possession because of the fear of what will happen when
someone. If they are already in the lift they should stand next to the control they arrive home without it. “My mum will kill me for letting the bullies take
panel. They can also get out of the lift and walk or even ring a doorbell of my bike. It cost a lot of money.” Tell children that keeping themselves safe
someone else’s flat, should they be in difficulty. is the most important consideration.

TO SAY NO
BABYSITTERS
Tell children it’s all right to say no to anyone if that person tries to harm
It can be difficult to find a good babysitter, but be aware that child
them. Most children are taught to listen to and obey adults without
molesters have advertised themselves as sitters in the hope of getting
question.
near children. Avoid using newspapers or notices and:
• Try to get a friend or family member
TO TELL
• Get references on people you don’t know well
Assure your children that no matter what happens you will not be angry
• Regardless of who stays with your children, be alert to their reactions with them and that you want them to tell you of any incident. Children can
when you say the sitter is coming
also be very protective of parents and might not tell about a frightening
• If you are worried, ring home and ask to talk to your children. Arrange a occurrence because they are worried about your feelings. Some problems
code so they can tell you if they are frightened are too big for children to solve. Emphasise the need for all of us to work
• Tell your children never to keep secrets and to tell you if the sitter asks together to stop the bullying.
them to keep kisses, hugs or touches secret
© Copyright Kidscape 2007 – downloaded from [Link] Page 3

Points for Parents (contd.) TO BREAK RULES

Tell your children that they have your permission to break all rules to
TO BE BELIEVED protect themselves and tell them you will always support them if they must
When children go to an adult for help, they need to know they will be break a rule to stay safe. For example, it is all right to run away, to yell and
believed and supported. Although sometimes an immediate reaction is to create a fuss, even to lie or kick to get away from danger.
say “I told you so”, this will not help the child resolve the problem. It could
also prevent the child from seeking help another time.
This is especially true in the case of sexual assault, as children very rarely
lie about it. If the child is not believed when he or she tells, the abuse may
continue for years and result in suffering and guilt for the child.

TO NOT KEEP SECRETS

Teach children that some secrets should NEVER be kept, even if they
promised not to tell. Child molesters known to the child often say that a
kiss or touch is “our secret”. This confuses the child who has been taught
always to keep secrets.

TO REFUSE TOUCHES
Explain to children that they can say yes or no to touches or kisses from
anyone, but that no one should ask them to keep touching a secret.
Children sometimes do not want to be hugged or kissed, but that should
be a matter of choice, not fear. They should not be forced to hug or kiss
anyone.

TO NOT TALK TO STRANGERS

It is NEVER a good idea to talk to a stranger. You may need to talk about
what a stranger is, especially with a young child. You can say it’s perfectly
all right to talk to someone the child doesn’t know when with you, for
instance. And even though a person is familiar – someone you always see
on the way to school, but have never met – that doesn’t make him a friend.
Anytime someone you don’t know suggests something, teach the child to
ask you first for permission. Since most well meaning adults or teenagers
do not approach children who are by themselves (unless the child is
obviously lost or in distress), teach children to ignore any such approach.
Children do not have to be rude; they can pretend not to hear and quickly
walk or run away. Tell children you will never be angry with them for
refusing to talk to strangers and that you want to know if a stranger talks to
them.
© Copyright Kidscape 2007 – downloaded from [Link] Page 4

The Kidscape KeepSafe Code 6. Tell

Tell a grown-up you trust if you are worried or frightened. If the first
1. Hugs grown-up you tell doesn’t believe or help you, keep telling until
someone does. It might not be easy, but even if something has
Hugs and kisses are nice. Even hugs and kisses that feel good and
that you like should never be kept secret. already happened that you have never told before, try to tell now. Who
could you tell? Make a list.
2. Body 7. Secrets
Your whole body belongs to you and not to anyone else. If anyone
harms you or tries to touch your body in a way which confuses or Secrets such as surprise birthday parties are fun. But some secrets
frightens you, say NO, if possible, and tell. are not good and should never be kept. No bully should ever make
you keep the bullying a secret and no one should ask you to keep a
kiss, hug or touch secret. If anyone does, even if you know them, tell a
3. No grown-up you trust.
If anyone older than you, even someone you know, tries to touch you
in a way you don’t like and they say it is supposed to be a secret, say 8. Bribes
NO in a very loud voice and tell a grown-up.
Don’t accept money or sweets or a gift from anyone without first
checking with your parents. Some people try to trick children into doing
4. Run or Get Away something they don’t want to do by giving them sweets or money. This
Don’t talk to anyone you don’t know when you are alone, or only with is called a bribe - don’t ever take one!
other children. You don’t have to be rude, just pretend you didn’t hear
and keep going. If a stranger, or a bully, or someone you know tries to 9. Code
harm you, get away and get help. Go towards other people or to a
shop, if you can. Have a code word or sign with your parents or guardians, which only
you and they know. If they need to send someone to collect you, they
can give that person the code. Don’t tell the code to anyone else.
5. Yell
Wherever you are, it is all right to yell if someone is trying to hurt you. 10. Keep Safe
Practise yelling as loud as you can in a big, deep voice. Take a breath
and let the yell come from your stomach - not from your throat. It is possible that you might have to do what a bully or older person
tells you, just because you are too frightened. Don’t feel bad if that
happens because the most important thing is for you to be safe and
then tell.
© Copyright Kidscape 2007 – downloaded from [Link] Page 5
• To make an emergency telephone call:
More ideas
• Don’t answer the door if you are at home on your own. 1. Dial 999 – you won’t need money in a call box phone. If you are in a
threatening situation with your mobile, leave it set to 999, so you can
• Don’t tell anyone over the telephone that you are at home alone. Say just press the button.
that your mum will ring back, she’s in the bath - or any other excuse 2. The operator will say, “Which service?”
you can think of. Say whether the ambulance, fire department or police are needed.
3. You will be put through to the service, who will take your name and
• Always tell your parents or whoever is taking care of you where you are
location, so they can find you. Tell them what’s wrong.
going and how you can be contacted.
This will happen very quickly. The operator will help you and stay with
• If you get lost, go to a shop or a place with lots of people, and ask for you. Always get an adult to make an emergency telephone call, if
help or find a policeman or policewoman to ask. possible. NO ONE should ever make one unless there is a real
emergency.
• Travel in a carriage of a train where there are other people.

• When you’re out on your own, keep far enough away from people you
don’t know so that you can’t be grabbed and so can run away.

• Never play in deserted or dark places.

• Carry enough money for your return trip home and never spend it on
anything else.

• Memorise your telephone number and address.

• Know how to contact your parents or a neighbour.

• If you have no money, but need to ring home in a emergency, dial 100
and ask the operator to place a reverse charge call.

• A mobile phone will be helpful when you are old enough to travel by
yourself. You might want to choose one that is not the very latest, and
be careful when you use it, so you don’t attract thieves. If you get
bullying texts or messages from someone you don’t know, don’t
answer.
© Copyright Kidscape 2007 – downloaded from [Link] Page 6

Bullying What to do if your child tells you…

Having been through the KIDSCAPE KeepSafe Code with your child or
POSSIBLE SIGNS children, it is possible that you may be told about a problem or incident
Children who are being bullied may: which has worried them. In many cases this will be about problems such
• be frightened of the journey to or from school as bullying; it is important to let your child see that you are prepared and
• have nightmares willing to listen to them.
• be unwilling to go to school If your child tells you about a more serious problem your reaction will often
• begin doing poorly in their school work determine how much they will tell.
• become withdrawn, distressed, attempt suicide • Find a quiet place to talk.
• have unexplained bruises, cuts, scratches, torn clothing • Although this is a difficult situation for any parent, stay calm and be
• have possessions or money go missing reassuring. Children may have been threatened or be concerned about
• give improbable excuses to explain any of the above your feelings, or that you will not love them or will be angry with them
If you are concerned, talk with your child and then with the school. If you about what happened.
are still worried, get in contact with the school governors or the education • Take what is said seriously. Children rarely lie about sexual abuse.
authority or even your MP. • Listen, but try not to press your child for information. Say that you are
glad the child told you.
• Children are never to blame for sexual assault. One way to help them
TEACH STRATEGIES realise this is to explain that the offender has a problem.
• Don’t fight to protect possessions • If necessary seek medical advice, contact the police or social services
• Practise walking in a confident manner or the organisations listed at the end of this booklet.
• Shout ‘NO’ loudly - practise in the mirror If the children are angry, sad, fearful or feeling guilty, acknowledge that
• There is safety in numbers - try to stay with a group these are natural feelings, but keep telling them that they are not to blame.
• Send a large self-addressed envelope with 6 loose first class stamps to Say that you will keep them safe and do everything you can to help.
KIDSCAPE for our free anti-bullying booklets for teachers, parents and
children. If you find out that your child has been assaulted, you will probably need
help dealing with your own feelings. Try to find someone sympathetic
NO ONE DESERVES TO BE BULLIED. whom you can talk to about it. The whole family may need counselling.
Finally, try not to keep discussing either the assault or your feelings about
BE HAPPY TO BE THE UNIQUE INDIVIDUAL YOU ARE. the offender in front of the child.
© Copyright Kidscape 2007 – downloaded from [Link] Page 7

What if? Kidscape Resources

The following questions may help you to talk about safety issues with your
children. Discussing and thinking about what to do may be more helpful For Parents...
than having ‘right’ answers. Sometimes there are no ‘right’ answers, just
possibilities. 501 Ways To Be A Good Parent
Tried and tested ways to survive and thrive as a parent.

What if... 101 Ways to Deal with Bullying

• you were being bullied and had promised not to tell? - A Guide for Parents
• you got lost in a park (shop, busy high street, etc)? Commonsense advice for parents to help children build self-esteem, make
• you were on your way home and someone was following you? friends etc.
• someone asked you to keep a kiss, hug or touch a secret?
• you notice a fire in the kitchen and no one is home?
Keeping Young Children Safe
• you are home alone and someone comes to the door? Leaflet giving advice for parents of children under 5.
• you see a friend steal something?
• you saw a flasher?
It Shouldn’t Happen! DVD
• someone rings and says rude things on the telephone?
DVD, guide and notes for teaching younger people (7 - 11) how to stay
• a stranger asks you directions, and offers you a ride, sweets, etc
safe from bullying. Contains role plays, verbal assertiveness exercises and
• your dog ran into the road and a car was coming? techniques. Also suitable for teachers and other professionals.
• you are alone in a lift and someone you feel uncomfortable about gets
in?
For More Information...
What if? questions are simple, easy to make up and useful for teaching KIDSCAPE has booklets and leaflets about bullying and protecting
personal safety to children. children from paedophiles. These can be downloaded from our website
[Link], or for one free copy and an order form for all
KIDSCAPE materials, please send a large self-addressed envelope with 6
loose first class stamps to:
Kidscape, 2 Grosvenor Gardens, London SW1W 0DH

For Children and Young People...

Bullying: Wise Guide
Commonsense ideas for dealing with bullying. Ages 10 to 16.

Don't Bully Me
Advice for primary age children
© Copyright Kidscape 2007 – downloaded from [Link] Page 8
Childnet International [Link]
Kidscape Resources (contd.) Online safety for children

Feeling Happy, Feeling Safe

Colour picture book involving children in learning what to do about getting Education Otherwise 0845 478 6345
lost, bullies, secrets and other personal safety issues. Ages up to 6. Advice on home education [Link]

The Willow Street Kids - Be Smart, Stay Safe NSPCC 0808 800 5000
Chosen for the Good Book Guide, this fun book weaves a story around a Help for anyone concerned about a child [Link]
group of children and how they keep safe. Ages 7 to 11.

The Willow Street Kids - Beat the Bullies Parentline Plus 0808 800 2222
The Willow Street Kids enter secondary school and have to deal with Help and information for parents [Link]
bullies. Ages 7 to 11. and families

Don’t Bully Me! M.O.S.A.C. 0800 980 1958

Advice for primary age children Supports non-abusing parents and carers [Link]
whose children have been sexually abused

All these can be ordered online at: [Link]

Children 1st Scotland 0131 446 2300
Helps children overcome abuse [Link]
and difficulties in their lives
Help
Samaritans 24 hours 08457 90 90 90
Police, social services, education departments and child guidance clinics Support for those experiencing [Link]
are available in your area. In addition, you may wish to contact some of the
distress or despair
following by phone or via their website:
KIDSCAPE 08451 205 204 Kidscape
Helpline for parents of bullied children [Link] 2 Grosvenor Gardens
London SW1W 0DH
Children’s Legal Centre 0845 345 4345 Tel: 020 7730 3300
Free legal advice concerning [Link] Fax: 020 7730 7081
children & young people [Link]
Registered Charity No: 326864
ChildLine 0800 1111
24 hour helpline for children [Link]