Living and Loving

Relationship
Module 1: Starting a Relationship
Second
Semester
Schedule
Activities in Canvas
M1-Assignment 1
M1-Assignment 2

DUE: March 20, 2023

Activities in Canvas
M2 - Assignment 1
M2 - Post-Task

DUE: March 20, 2023

Course Description

Living and Loving Relationships is an institutional course which helps the student
adjust and appreciate college life-its environment and gradually prepares them for their
professional or career life. It also aims to explore and enhance further their skills,
weaknesses and strength in the thrust of strengthening themselves as they start
relating to a more mature social roles and gradually to their more mature social
relationships starting from friendship, dating, courtship, engagement , marriage and
finally building their own family. It also focus in understanding and strengthening the
students roles, problems and issues of the Filipino family, economically, globally and
environmentally.
Introduction

At the end of this module, you will

understand ways on how relationships
began and how it can affect us and the
future of our social lives. You’ll be able to
put your ideas on how to apply these
learnings on how you can grow and
improve your current relationships.
Course Intended Learning Outcomes

Knowledge

1. Define and examine the different aspect of social relationships from friendship, dating,
courtship, engagement, marriage and family.
2. Identify and analyze factors that affects social relationships and its consequences.
3. Illustrate coping mechanisms in order to be able to deal with stress and problems related
to social relationships.
4. Identify factors affecting Filipino cultures and values as with regards to social
relationships, from friendship, dating, courtship, engagement, marriage and family.
Course Intended Learning Outcomes

Skills

1. Demonstrate appreciation and understanding of families, friends and others.

2. Understand and be able to apply life principles in decision-making in relations to friends
and family.
3. Decipher and be able to make choices and decisions as with regards to planning on
courtship, marriage and other personal choices and problems.
4. Discuss, understand and appreciate Filipino values culture, practices as with regards to
courtship, marriage and family.
Course Intended Learning Outcomes

Values

1. Integrate the values of friendship and families.

2. Apply into oneself a proper understanding and appreciation of ones' sexuality, of sex, its
problems and consequences.
3. Provide an understanding and application of critical thinking in utilizing information's for
personal growth and development in order to survive and maintain a relationship.
4. Be able to apply and appreciate Filipino family, culture traditions and practices in relations
Course Intended Learning Outcomes

Values

1. Integrate the values of friendship and families.

2. Apply into oneself a proper understanding and appreciation of ones' sexuality, of sex, its
problems and consequences.
3. Provide an understanding and application of critical thinking in utilizing information's for
personal growth and development in order to survive and maintain a relationship.
4. Be able to apply and appreciate Filipino family, culture traditions and practices in relations
Motivation

Starting something new might sound scary at

first but it is in every beginning that we take
chances to discover something new about
ourselves and about others. Who knows where this
will take you? Life is a journey of meeting different
people at any moment of time. People may come
and go, but there are those who will always stay
and will continue to create significant impacts on
our lives. And all it may take is for you to say that
first, “Hello!”
Introduction

Looking back when you first entered

college, what are the first things you actually
look forward to? Of course, you’re are thrilled
to start your journey towards your dream
profession. Another might be the thought
about “what kind of friends will I have?” or “is
this the time when I will start my dating life?”
Indeed, social relationships are usually one
of the things any student will be excited
about especially during college where it is a
crucial time to build more mature connections
with different people.
Introduction

But same with other things in life,

relationships have beginnings. It’s
uncommon for you to jump into something
without going through certain stages. Social
relationships are usually multi-directional
paths you have to take. Meeting new people
and forming connections can be scary and
exciting.
Introduction

This course will take you on a journey

on different social relationships you will
experience or have experienced, how and
where it can start, and how it progresses to
more mature commitments. It aims to teach
you how you can appreciate every
connection you have and the
decision-making skills you need for
relationships that will create long-lasting
impact in your lives.
Introduction

Module 1 is all about the foundation.

The key to creating stability in any social
connection is to build a strong foundation.
This module aims to open your minds to what
friendship is all about and how we can
appreciate having it in our lives. While it is
just the beginning, relationships need to
progress and love can be manifested in any
form where it directs you towards the paths
of more mature and lasting relationships.
Objectives

At the end of this module, you should be able to:

● Understand and appreciate the different meanings of friendship.
● Identify and understand the stages of friendship.
● Identify and understand the factors that affect, help, nurture and improve friendship.
● Understand and appreciate the different meanings of love.
● Identify and differentiate types of love.
● Identify and understand the stages of love.
● Identify and differentiate the languages of love.
 Pre-Task
Time to take the social skills test!
Know your skills when it comes to socializing with friends and other people! Take this test to know
your comfort zone when it comes to interacting with people and how you can still work on improving
your social skills. Answer the questions for this Pre-Task in your Canvas as honest as
possible.
Defining Friendship

Aristotle was one of the philosophers who provided a clearer definition of friendship.
● Friendship can be translated in Ancient Greek as “philia” and he thought it was
“one of life’s unalloyed pleasures.”
● He thought friendship is essential to all and is for all regardless of your status in life,
sex, age, and even species.
● He wrote, “As the proverb goes, [people] cannot know each other until they have
shared the traditional [peck of] salt,” he wrote, “and they cannot accept each other or
be friends until each appears lovable to the other and gains the other’s confidence. .
. . For though the wish for friendship comes quickly, friendship does not.”
● According to him “a friend is another self.”
Defining Friendship

Friendship can also be defined as:

● Having the same influence and impact as family and romantic relationships. It is one
of our essential needs when it comes to seeking belongingness, pleasure in different
aspects, and even pain.
● It comes in different forms in our life depending on who we are and how open we are
to having it.
● “Friendship encompasses subjects that feel intangible, such as emotion,
conversation, and the inner workings of the mind.”
Defining Friendship

Friendship can be ambiguous. Its

definition may depend on who you’re talking
to. Some media programs portray friends as
someone you go to when romantic
relationships don’t work out because there is
the idea that “lovers come and go but friends
remain.” Sociologies assumed that friendship
is the most preferred type of relationship
because it is not like the traditional
relationships of obligations such as marriage
and family.
Defining Friendship

Friendship’s ambiguity also comes from

its “open-endedness”. Unlike marriage,
there are no standard frameworks when it
comes to starting a friendship and being a
friend. Commonly, we make friends with
people with complementing interests or
personality with us. The open-endedness can
make it difficult to determine whether the
friendship will thrive or will fail. However, this
aspect is also what makes friendship unique
compared to other types of relationships.
Framework for Friendship

For a friendly relationship to last, it must

be built and maintained with care. Solid
friendship is built on such qualities as trust,
loyalty, sincerity, acceptance and affection.
Framework for Friendship

1. TRUST
Friendship is a bridge between
people - a bridge built on trust. One
can open up to someone who is his
friend. Each one believes the other
will not act in a way that hurts his
friend. Trust in each other allows
the sharing of inner feelings.
Framework for Friendship

2. LOYALTY
Good friends are loyal to each
other. Loyalty means dependability
in good and bad times.
Friends are on each other’s side. If
someone criticizes his friend, he
stands up for him.
Framework for Friendship

3. SINCERITY
True friends are honest with each
other. They are sincere. They do not
just pretend to be friendly. They
mean it. To be insincere is to be
hypocritical. A hypocrite says one
thing when he thinks of another
thing.
Framework for Friendship

4. ACCEPTANCE
Friends meet their need for
acceptance. They take their friends as
they are. They understand what the
other thinks and feels. To accept a
friend, he does not have to approve of
everything the other does. Friends
may offer constructive criticism
because they care about each other.
They accept a friend even though they
know each other’s faults. Friends want
what is best for each other.
Framework for Friendship

5. AFFECTION
By giving affection, friends show they
care for one another. Doing things for
each other is one way to show
affection. Remembering birthdays is
another. So is sharing each other’s
failures and successes.
Kinds of Friendship

One thing that made defining friendship difficult is how broad it can be depending on the
level or kind of relationship you have with.
According to Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics, there are three kinds of friendship:
1. Friendship of Pleasure
Based on the desirable things people can give and do for each other.
2. Friendship of Utility
Based on the different benefits people can provide to each other.
3. Friendship of Virtue
Based on people and their character and is the “fullest type of friendship.”
Levels of Friendship

When it comes to levels or stages of closeness, there are several but these four are the
most common:
Levels of Friendship
1. Acquaintance

This level or stage of friendship is where you have a few

or occasional interactions. The topics you talk about are
mostly just general information or easily known to the
public. Your schoolmate whom you don’t have much
class with and you don’t often talk with can fall at this
level. Co-worker or colleague who says Hi’s and How
are you’s and mostly talk about work can be included
also.
Levels of Friendship
2. Casual

If your acquaintance upgraded to more frequent

meetings outside school or work, you turn into casual
friends. From general topics, you get to know each
other’s interests, accomplishments, and goals. Since
you are aware of each other’s capabilities, this is
where the supportive attribute of friendship comes in.
However, the emotional connection is yet to be
achieved at this level. Most of the friendships stay as
casual and can rarely level up to the next stage.
Levels of Friendship
3. Close

This is the level where there is an understanding on a

much deeper level. You know each other personally
and emotionally. You’ve seen each other at your best
and worst times. You went through different life
experiences together and you still decided to be there
for each other.
Levels of Friendship
4. Intimate

The intimacy here is the connection of the soul.

Vulnerability is said to be the key in achieving this.
You are at a point where you support each other and
at the same time, you don’t hesitate to show your
biggest insecurities and help each other correct
mistakes in order to grow in life.
Levels of Friendship

Aside from these four, there are some that included Stranger Level which is the lowest
level where your connection and awareness of each other is non-existent.
As the stages or levels of friendship progresses, some may find themselves with a fewer
number of friends and that is because the levels of close and intimate are achieved over
time and with experiences. As the level goes up, the friendship may also focus more on
quality rather than quantity. There are intimate friendships that may not have everyday
interactions but will still have the same level of closeness the moment they meet again.
Some may not need to talk much when they are together but the comfort of listening or the
companionship especially during difficult times is more than enough.
Assignment 1
● Create a list or a table of all of your friends and group them according to the stages
or levels.
● Analyze your list:
○ Which level has the most number and the least number of friends?
○ Why do you think some friends stayed on a certain stage while others might
be on a higher level?
Factors that Affect Friendship

When it comes to your friends, can you recall the actual reasons why you decided to form
your friendships with them? Even before actually getting to know your friends, there is
always something that attracts us to know more about them or what we can consider as
the first impressions. The reason why you talked to someone during the first meeting can
be different from the reason why you decided to be close friends to them. So what are the
factors that affect the way we form and nurture friendship and in the absence of these can
lessen the chances of forming deeper levels of relationship?
Factors that Affect Friendship

According to a study by Theodore Newcomb, he discovered that these three aspects are important to form friendships:

1. Proximity

Being physically close helps the friendship but it doesn’t mean physical distance makes it impossible to form and
develop it. Proximity makes it more convenient to maintain friendships compared to those who are far away.

2. Similarity

Consciously or not, people tend to find themselves being friends with or even in a relationship with those who share
certain personality traits with them. However, it doesn’t automatically mean differences have negative impacts but
having something in common with others can make friendship formation easier and more natural.

3. Reciprocity

Reciprocity is being able to look at someone the same way they look at you (If I consider you as my friend, you
consider me as your friend too) and do the same things as they do to you (showing the same level of support that you
showed to them). However, realistically speaking, not all friendships are reciprocal and not all are equal. But the
absence of reciprocity in all aspects still may hinder friendship from reaching a deeper level.
Factors that Affect Friendship

In a research study by Kelly

Campbell, Nicole Holderness,
and Matt Riggs entitled
“Friendship chemistry: An
examination of underlying
factors”, findings showed the
following individual and dyadic
formation factors are important to
have friendship chemistry as
discussed on the next slide.
Factors that Affect Friendship
1. Reciprocal candor (“Communication and self-disclosure”)
People who communicate in a “personal, smooth, efficient, important, and satisfying” way can
form friendships quicker compared to those who don’t.
2. Mutual interest (“Similar interest and humor”)
The ability to share humorous experiences and having a good sense of humor can also help
friendship formation.
3. Personableness (“Reciprocal liking and kindness/sincerity”)
People are more drawn to those they think will respond favorably to them and those who
showed “consideration and understanding”.
4. Similarity (“Shared values and aspirations”)
This one of the most widely known factors to influence friendship formation. People enjoy
interacting with someone who is “in sync” with them.
5. Physical Attractiveness
People are drawn to those who are physically attractive because they are believed to have
“desirable qualities such as social and professional happiness and a high occupational status.”
Factors that Affect Friendship
Going over those that are mentioned in this
lesson, similarity and reciprocity are the
similar factors mentioned. It may not be the
entire basis of friendship but it can definitely
make interacting and getting to know
someone feels more comfortable if we are
aware of what they have in common with us
and if they are also interested to be our
friend.
Assignment 2
Create a meme that best represents your friendships
● You may use existing images and edit them but make sure you credit the source or
the link where you got them.
Ways to Nurture and Improve Friendships

Considering the factors that can help and hinder friendship, there are ways on how we can
develop and improve it and to simply be a better friend.
1. Show genuine interest in creating connections

It’s important to express interest in getting to know your friends better, what they like,
dislikes, their thoughts, and insights. Friendships should be a balance between
yourself and others. Be interested in others rather than making yourself interesting.
Ways to Nurture and Improve Friendships

Considering the factors that can help and hinder

friendship, there are ways on how we can develop
and improve it and to simply be a better friend.
1. Show genuine interest in creating
connections

It’s important to express interest in getting to

know your friends better, what they like,
dislikes, their thoughts, and insights.
Friendships should be a balance between
yourself and others. Be interested in others
rather than making yourself interesting.
Ways to Nurture and Improve Friendships
2. Be a good listener and be mindful of
your response

When someone talks to you, especially about

personal topics, it’s important to listen rather
than judge. Unless our friend asks for our
thoughts, you don’t always need to give
advice. And when you need to give them,
make sure your responses are expressed in a
respectful and appropriate manner.
Ways to Nurture and Improve Friendships
3. Try opening up little by little to level up
the friendship

You don’t need to disclose every single secret

you have because those will take time and it
might be uncomfortable also to the other
person. However, if you want to be closer to
someone, you need to express a little of
yourself as time goes by, especially if your
friend has done the same.
Ways to Nurture and Improve Friendships
4. Evaluate the presence of reciprocity

Equal reciprocity is not achieved immediately but same with disclosure, you need to
look at how you and your friend are responding to the things you talk about, to hanging
out often, to doing things together, etc. Somehow, there should still be a presence of
reciprocity because it’s easier to assess the level of interest in
maintaining the friendship. For example in conversations, are you
always the one sharing and opening topics to discuss? If your
friend may not be that open but is trying to think of other things to
talk about, he/she might not be ready to discuss personal stuff but
is still interested to keep on talking to you so it’s difficult to assume
that he/she is not reciprocating. It’s a different case if they are not
sharing at all.
Ways to Nurture and Improve Friendships

5. Make time to connect and reconnect

There are times you may not often see or talk

to each other for a while but if possible and
you both have time, make an effort to talk to
them even through chats, calls, or texts.
Keeping the connection doesn’t have to be
through lengthy conversations but can also
be with just simple catch-ups.
Ways to Nurture and Improve Friendships

6. Give each other the privacy and space you

need

There are also times you prefer to be alone and do

things by yourself so it’s important to give some
time to each other. Friends can still grow together
even when they’re apart. Just make sure to explain
why you need some space because it can also be
a cause of misunderstanding.
Ways to Nurture and Improve Friendships

7. Communicate and understand

Whether you need space or to talk to each other,

you need to communicate properly. Avoid
assuming and listening to others who may not
know the entire story. And disagreeing with each
other is normal because we are not all the same.
Understand that we may perceive things differently
but as long as we are not hurting each other, it
doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.
Ways to Nurture and Improve Friendships

8. Be trustworthy

If your friend shared a secret to you and no one

knows about, make yourself worthy of the secret.
Your friend trusts you so make sure you give
importance to that.
Ways to Nurture and Improve Friendships

9. Don't force the relationship

Some friendship may work, some may not. But in

any relationship, it is important to make an effort
but not to the point wherein it will be inconvenient
or uncomfortable to you or to others. Be open to
exploring new things but if you or the other person
are having a hard time with it, you have to give it
some time or you have to learn to let go.
Ways to Nurture and Improve Friendships

10. Say thank you and sorry.

As friends, we help each other and we make

mistakes. It is important to show gratitude in
any way you can because it can make us feel
good about the relationship. And if you need
to apologize, do so sincerely because that’s
one sign of maturity in a relationship,
accepting no one’s perfect but still learning to
forgive.
Ways to Nurture and Improve Friendships

11. Be a motivator.

If your friend has self-esteem problems, it’s

okay to give a little pep talk but learn to be
sensitive. If they need a cheerleader, be there
for them but don’t force them to do things that
may seem easy for you but not for them. If
they succeed, celebrate with them. If they
don’t feel good about it, learn to sympathize
and empathize.
Ways to Nurture and Improve Friendships

12. Be the kind of friend you want others to

be for you

Overall, friendship can be a reflection of

ourselves. If we want a good friend, we have
to be a good friend also. Not only for the sake
of reciprocity but by being realistic. We can’t
expect others to be someone we want to be
knowing we can’t be the same person.
Check-in Activity

● Using the letters L, O, V, E, think of one word that starts with each letter that best
describes what love is for you.
● After answering, check your classmates' answers and like the best description for you.
 Defining Love

According to Merriam-Webster, love can be defined

in many ways:
● Strong affection towards someone with
personal ties (family),
● Attraction or sexual desire and affection
towards someone (lover)
● Admiration towards someone with common
interests (friends)
● Adoration to a spiritual being (God)
● Attachment to objects, or places
● Unselfish concern towards family, friends, or
lovers
Meaning of Love from different people

Love is a purpose of human life no

matter who is controlling it. It is
an instinct, natural phenomenon that
can take place with anyone who comes
in our lives

Kurt Vonnegut
-An american writer
Meaning of Love from different people

Love is about acceptance. When we

love, we accept all parts of someone
or something. All the good and the
bad.

Anais Nin
-A french-Cuban-American novelist
Meaning of Love from different people

He looked at love as “Like a fever”,

something that “come and go” on its
own regardless of age.

Marie-Henry Beyle (Stendhal)

-French writer
Meaning of Love from different people

Love has its positive and negative

side. But closing yourself from it
is not a better option.

Clive Staples Lewis

-British writer and theologian
Meaning of Love from different people

Love is seeing what is in the mind.

And not merely what is sees using
the eyes.

William Shakespeare
-English playlight, poet, and actor
Meaning of Love from different people

Love focuses more on what you expect

to give rather than what you expect
to get.

Katharine Hepburn
-American stage actress
 Meaning of Love from different people

Love is an “untamed” force.

When we try to control it- It

destroys us.

When we try to imprison it, it

enslaves us.
Paulo Coelho de Souza
-Brazilian lyricist and novelist When we try to understand it, it
leaves feeling of lost and confused.
 Meaning of Love from different people

You may either agree or disagree with some but, no

matter how much we try to understand it, we can
never truly comprehend because it is broad and
complex.
Defining Love

● Kurt Vonnegut defined love as, “A purpose of

human life, no matter who is controlling it, is
to love whoever is around to be loved.” Love
can be seen as part of our instinct, a natural
phenomenon that can take place with anyone
who comes in our lives.
Defining Love

● Anaïs Nin said love is about acceptance.

When we love, we accept all parts of
someone or something, all the good and
the bad. While Stendhal looked at love “like
a fever”, something that can “come and go”
on its own regardless of age.
 Defining Love
However, love may not always come with positive
feelings. In fact, opening yourself up to it can leave you
vulnerable to being broken. As C.S. Lewis said, “Love
anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and
possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping
it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to
an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little
luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the
casket or coffin of your selfishness.” While Lewis
emphasized an undesirable consequence of love, being
safe from it also equates to being in Hell. Love has its
positive and negative side but closing yourself from it is
not a better option as well.
 Defining Love
No matter how much we feel it, no human relation is more
mysterious than love according to Susan Sontag. But it can
definitely change you unexpectedly and awkwardly as
Lemony Snicket said. And while we love for many reasons,
Shakespeare said love is seeing what is in the mind and not
merely what it sees using the eyes. Katharine Hepburn
expresses how love can be selfless as it focuses more on
what you expect to give rather than what you expect to get.
But no matter how much we try to understand it, we can
never truly comprehend it. Paulo Coelho said, “Love is an
untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us.
When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to
understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.”
 Defining Love
Out of all these definitions, you may either agree or
disagree with some. But love is broad and complex. It is
part of who we are but it can change us. It is necessary
but difficult. It can be for anyone as long as there is
acceptance. You have to give it but it’s difficult to always
expect it back. And same with friendship, giving it a
standard definition may not always be helpful but
acknowledging that it can be for anyone or anything
means it is an inevitable part of our journey. And like
anything else, love changes and evolves depending on
how we show it.
Components of Love
1. CARE

We are concerned about the persons we love. We

want the best for them. We want them to
experience feelings of well-being, happiness,
growth and development in positive directions.
Components of Love
2. RESPONSIBILITY

Normally, we behave responsibly towards those we

love. We do not hurt them by irresponsible acts or
words. Our responsibility does not come from a
sense of obligation; rather, it is a reflection of our
willingness to become sensitive to the needs of
others.
Components of Love
3. RESPECT

The Greek root of the word respect means “to look

at”. Respect involves looking at someone closely
enough to be aware of his needs and feeling; it
means seeing another person as a complex
wonderful individual and accepting him.
Components of Love
4. KNOWLEDGE
As we gain an awareness of the needs, values, goals
and feelings of the persons we love, understanding of
the loved ones grows. On a superficial level, we can
listen to a person’s word. On a deeper level, however,
we can increase our sensitivity to feelings as well. If a
friend is irritable for instance, you may know that it is
the result of studying for midterms, pressure of
projects due on certain deadlines, and lack of or too
little sleep. Many couples who do not exert the effort to
develop an understanding of each other before
marriage become disillusioned by the daily marital
interactions.
Components of Love

5. COMMITMENT
Last love is more than a strong physical attraction and
emotional involvement. It involves a conscious
decision to be dedicated to another person.
Commitment is vital if trust and security are to be parts
of the relationship.
 Styles of Love
Based on the definitions, love can be directed towards different people, objects, and even
places. It shows we can love all people and all things in our lives but the way we love or who
we are as lovers can still be different.
Styles of Love
Styles of Love

Friendship love, based on selfless love towards ideal

friend.
Styles of Love

Similar to Philia but focuses on love on family, it is an

instinct love. Example: Love of the mother to the
children.
Styles of Love

A playful love between lovers at the start of the

relationship. Having fun and no commitment.
Styles of Love

Obsessive, possessive, and insecure type of love. It is

unhealthy and destructive because there’s too much
dependency on their partner.
Styles of Love

It is mutual and long term type of love. Love is about

being pragmatic or practical. It is not all about romance
and emotion, but all the other needs like goals, family,
career, etc.
Styles of Love

“Self love” or narcissism. It is all about oneself,

self-centeredness.
Styles of Love

Eros is the Greek god of love. It is erotic, romantic, and

passionate. It is purely based on physical desires. It can
be intense but can also burn out.
Styles of Love

The most selfless kind of love without expectations,

self-desire, or motives. The best example is God’s Love.
Stages of Love
Stages of Love

Love, specifically romantic ones, goes through different stages. These stages can be
determining factors when it comes to the possible outcomes of the relationship or simply,
where it will go. As defined, love is not always about “the good feeling” but these stages may
show that the other side can also be the key to strengthening it.
Stages of Love

1. The Passionate Beginning

Some call it the “honeymoon phase” where

you meet someone you can potentially fall in
love with. However, the feelings might still
be at the infatuation stage during this time.
This is the part where you experience the
exciting feeling of seeing and meeting
someone. You feel like nothing can go
wrong with the other person and all you see
are the good things about them.
Stages of Love

2. Things Start to Get Serious

From the fun, giddy, and exciting feeling to

something deeper. After being a couple, you
start to include each other in your everyday
lives and in your future. There is security
and stability in this stage of relationship.
Unlike the beginning where you try to know
each other’s preferences, this time, you are
familiar with it and you’re more at ease at
doing what you enjoy together.
Stages of Love

3. Disillusionment

This stage is where conflicts, doubts, and

worries may come in especially for long-term
relationships. Couples usually think that this
phase is not normal, that it’s not ideal to
start to see the disappointing sides of the
relationship. But every romantic relationship
usually goes through this and it can either
break or strengthen it if couples will
communicate their feelings and where they
see the relationship will go.
Stages of Love

4. Real Love

It doesn’t mean that there’s no love during

the prior stages but this one is more on the
enduring side. You decided to push through
the negative, difficult, and imperfect part of
your relationship. You learn true love is more
than just being together but you need to love
and accept all sides of it.
Stages of Love

5. Making a Difference Together

Now you know all sides, good and bad, you

work together as a team to achieve things
and to make a good difference to each other
and even outside your relationship. You are
building something out of what you as a
couple are passionate about. You grow
together doing something that ties your lives
with each other.
Languages of Love

The right language of love is important to know how you usually express your love and how
you want your partner to express theirs. However, even if you have your own language, if
you really want to show your love to someone, you will have to speak their language instead
of using your own. Ideally, we should be able to appreciate all forms and ways of how we
receive and give love.
Languages of Love
Languages of Love
1. Words of Affirmation

People who have this language prefer

honest, written or spoken, can be
encouraging or positive words that will
show one’s love. The words don’t have
to be positive all the time because being
truthful is important but you also have to
be mindful of selecting the right words to
avoid misunderstanding or hurting your
partner. Listening is an important
element to know the appropriate words
that your partner will appreciate.
Languages of Love

2. Quality Time

“A person who craves Time just wants you:

your time, your attention, your company.”
The activity or the place is secondary as
long as you are together. You don’t have to
be physically close to each other because
what’s important is the attention and focus
you willingly give to your partner. Time to be
together is important as well as the quality
moments you spend with each other.
Languages of Love

3. Gifts

These gifts are more than just materials

things but a symbolic representation of the
giver and their love itself. It’s not the material
things that make it valuable but the memories
with it. A gift could only last a few moments
but the representation that you are thinking
about the other person when you got it is what
matters. And as you know, it’s always the
thought that counts.
Languages of Love

4. Acts of Service

This is about action, a deliberate, intentional but

unexpected act of doing something for your
partner. But just simply doing things is not
enough rather, “you have to consider which acts
of service will have the most impact on the
recipient.” It’s not a matter of how long you did it
or how difficult it is but how meaningful it is for
the person you love.
Languages of Love

5. Physical Touch

A non-verbal love language. An “intentional,

meaningful, physical contact” that expressed
your love. Touch is not just a physical need but
an emotional one. However, consent is still
important. You have to know the comfort level of
a person before you touch them.
Assignment 2.2

What's your love language?

● If you still don’t know your love language or are probably wondering if it changed,
take this test to know: [Link]
● Reflect on the result.
○ Do you agree with it?
○ Do you prefer another love language? Why or why not?
○ If your significant other will not express his/her love based on your love
language, what would you do? How will you deal with it?
● Check on your classmates' result and like those who got the same language as
yours. And who knows? This might your chance to get closer to someone you like in
your like.
Assignment 2.2

What's your love language?

● If you still don’t know your love language or are probably wondering if it changed,
take this test to know: [Link]
● Reflect on the result.
○ Do you agree with it?
○ Do you prefer another love language? Why or why not?
○ If your significant other will not express his/her love based on your love
language, what would you do? How will you deal with it?
● Check on your classmates' result and like those who got the same language as
yours. And who knows? This might your chance to get closer to someone you like in
your like.
Lesson 3

Dating is a stage of romantic relationships in humans whereby

two people meet socially with the aim of each assessing the
other's suitability as a prospective partner in an intimate
relationship. It is a form of courtship, consisting of social activities
done by the couple, either alone or with others. The protocols and
practices of dating, and the terms used to describe it, vary
considerably from country to country and over time. While the
term has several meanings, the most frequent usage refers to two
people exploring whether they are romantically or sexually
compatible by participating in dates with the other. With the use of
modern technology, people can date via telephone or computer or
just meet in person.
Objectives:

At the end of this module, the student should:

● Understand the concept of love as it has to do with committed love
relationships
● Know the differences in sexual expression due to race and ethnicity
● Recognize a developing relationship with your partner or mate as it moves
toward commitment
● Explain dating violence, date rape, and the issues involved with breaking up
Specific Objectives:

At the end of this module, the student should:

● Know the purpose of dating and what is the real motivation
● Remember to getting-to-know stage who your partner or mate are before
going out on the first date with someone.
● Must incorporate that knowledge into thinking, thoughts and behaviors be
different if you approached a date.
● Understand the importance of individual sexual responsibility
Pre-Task

Most women have at least one dream date they hope to have fulfilled. Maybe it’s a fully
planned picnic in the park, a night of dancing, or, eating a bucket of crabs and drinking beer
by the ocean. In one sentence, DESCRIBE YOUR PERFECT DREAM DATE. Submit in
discussion board in Canvas.
Dating

-It is the process of meeting people socially for

possible mate selection.

-The term dating refers to a couple setting a

specific “date and time" and place to meet.

-Dating is part of the marriage market " in

which prospective spouses compare the assets and
liabilities of eligible partners and choose the best
available mate.
How to ask for a Date

METHOD 1 - APPROACHING A STRANGER

1. Make eye contact and smile
Eye contact and smiling are two universal acts of flirting. Looking at someone from across
a room lets them know that you notice them.
2. Evaluate the person’s body language
You can tell a lot just by the way someone looks at you or carries themselves.
3. Introduce yourself
Once you’ve evaluated that they like your attention, you can introduce yourself.
How to ask for a Date

4. Start a conversation
Once you’ve introduced yourself to them and they appear receptive to you, you can start a
simple conversation.
5. Listen to what they have to say
If you listen to what they have to say, you’ll determine whether the person would be interested in
seeing you again.
6. Ask them out
If they seem comfortable and happy while talking to you, it’s a good hint that they will say yes if
you ask them out.
How to ask for a Date

METHOD 2 - ASKING SOMEONE YOU KNOW

1. Talk to them about their romantic life

Determine whether the person you’re interested in has a significant other, or whether they
aren’t interested in dating right now.
2. Determine if there is any chemistry
Determine if there is any romantic chemistry by thinking about the times that you’ve spent
together.
3. Determine their interests
Learn more about the person that you plan on asking out on a date.
4. Ask them out
Once you feel comfortable and confident asking them out, give them a call on the phone or
talk to them in person.
The Do’s and Don’ts:
1. Do turn up on time
-Always be on time and don’t be late on dates.
2. Do be interested
-Show some interest in what they are saying.
3. Do listen more
-Speak less and show your interest by listening more.
4. Do make eye contact
-People will assess honesty through eye contact.
5. Do be honest
- You should always be proud of expressing exactly who you are and what you stand for.
6. Do throw a compliment or two
-Throwing a compliment in to the conversation is a positive move.
Dating Etiquette

DATING ETIQUETTE comes naturally to

people who already have good manners
and show consideration for others at all
times. It is second nature to them; they are
not self-centered and are respected by
people of either sex.
Dating Etiquette

SIMPLE RULES OF PROPER DATING ETIQUETTE

● Don’t Be Late
● Don’t Be Rude
● Don’t Get Grabby
● Ask Questions
● Who Pays for the Date
● Look Nice
● Be Considerate
● Don’t Mislead
● Do Mention Preferences and Restrictions
Post Task

Answer the following questions below. Submit as assignment in Canvas.

1. Base on the classification of dating identify your own kind of dating. Explain and give
your learning experience.
2. Differentiate dating before and dating nowadays in terms of parent involvement, places
to go and practices.
3. Interview your mother and father about dating practices during their time.
 Living and Loving
Relationship
Module 2: Towards Social Commitment
Introduction

Life is not meant to be lived with only

yourself, it is meant to be shared. Life begins
in relation with others. No one can live in
isolation. Man and woman is directly and
indirectly dependent upon others. They has
to interact personally with others in order to
gain and maintain friends. It is as simple as
this: they need one another and other in
order to make life more meaningful.
Introduction

All of us, as we begin to move from

childhood to adulthood, are quite perplexed
with the uncertainties of life. These cause
young people considerable concern and
many anxious moments. Each young person
is expected to make his own selection of a
marriage pattern . Courtship which includes
dating, going steady and getting engaged
become important considerations because a
few years ahead comes marriage, one of the
most important ventures of adulthood.
Introduction

This adolescence, a time of growing up,

launching platform, a take-off from childhood
to adulthood. It is one of the most absorbing,
exciting and important period of life. A
journey to cherish or a journey to curse, it all
depends on how one should equipped and
prepare themselves in embracing this
changes and new journey in an adolescence
and adult life.
Courtship
What is Courtship?

● Courtship from a wider perspective includes dating, going

steady, and engagement.
● It is defined as “all forms of behavior by which one tries to win
the consent of another for marriage.”
● Considered as a period of exploration, of shopping around for
an eventual mate, it involves scrutiny of a possible life partner.
Objectives

At the end of this module, you should be able to:

1. Define and understand courtship and its importance.
2. Analyze and understand the patterns and problems in courtship and mate selection
 Pre-Task
Complete the Jigsaw Puzzle!
Using the link provided in Canvas ([Link]
you are to put the puzzle pieces together to identify a particular Filipino tradition. Write your answer
in the space provided in Canvas (M2 Pre-Task).
What is Courtship?

Courtship has been defined as all forms of behavior

by which one tries to win the consent of another for
marriage. It is a period of exploration, of shopping around
for an eventful mate. A man or woman who has shopped
around for a longer time is more likely to make a better
choice that one who falls for the first comer. Viewed from
a wider cultural framework, courtship as a process
involves three general stages dating, going steady and
engaged. As a concept, it can be analyzed from the point
of role expectation, competitiveness, progressive
commitment, love and affection.
What is Courtship?

As a concept, courtship can be analyzed from the

point of role expectation, competitiveness, progressive
commitment, love and affection.
Purpose of Courtship

1. It allows one a final choice of a person as a marriage partner.

2. It is a stage of preparatory to marriage.
3. It is where the boy and the girl assess each other.

4. A discovery and rediscovery period of how much you have in common with your partner.

5. The amount of guest work involved in mate selection may be reduced through realistic
assessment of your conduct that occur during courtship.
Sociological Purpose of Courtship

It allows one a final choice of a person as marriage partner. It is a stage preparatory to

marriage. It is the stage where a boy and a girl assess each other. At this time, young people
try to break away from close ties with their parents and shift their interest and affection to
members of the opposite sex.
Marriage is a divine institution and one should make every effort to ensure its success.
One way is through proper mate selection. Consider carefully both your strengths and
weaknesses. be honest about yourselves. Take off the proverbial rose-colored glasses and
look objectively at the person with whom you want to spend your life.
Courtship begins from the time two people begin to recognize the mere possibility of their
taking each other seriously.
The Discovery and Rediscovery

During courtship, you may become delighted by

continual rediscovery of how much you have in
common with your partner. There are many realistic
problems to be answered during courtship. An honest
appraisal of courtship is more rewarding than the
process you make to your partner. As young people in
love, you generally make promises to each other in
anticipation of your marriage. Rather than devoting
most of your time to make promises and plans, it is
advisable to supplement these promises and plans with
some honest observations.
The Discovery and Rediscovery

It would be easier if the following questions would

be considered.
1. What personal idiosyncrasies do you recognize in
each and with which you are going to live later on?
2. Is this the person with whom you can face the
crises of your life?
3. What help can she/he give you in sickness, for
instances, or if you lose your job?
4. What will this person look like, act like, think like,
feel like, and be like in five, ten or twenty years?
The Discovery and Rediscovery

The amount of guesswork involved in mate selection may be

reduced through a realistic assessment of events that occur
during courtship. The more realistically you conduct your
courtship, the easier will be your adjustment to marriage.
Ordinarily, we spend much time impressing each other during
the period of courtship. We exaggerate the romantic aspects of
our courtship to the point of denying ourselves the freedom of
honest self-expression. Our lives can be more satisfying and
rewarding if we learn to accept each other honestly than if we
struggle with romantic illusions we cannot preserve. What you
should look for in your partner are comparability and
adaptability.
The Discovery and Rediscovery

The Real and Ideal

Young people who have been brought up in such a way
that they find it easy to adjust to new situations and to
many different kinds of people will fit more easily into
marriage. One who could give in to arguments is not
domineering and it slow to anger. The ability to act and
respond to situations flexibly is an important quality of an
adaptable person. Meanwhile, people who believe in the
same values have the same goals in life, have similar
interests, and are believed to achieved success in their
relationship because of their compatibility.
Factors that Influence
Mate Selection
Factors that Influence Mate Selction

1. Propinquity – It means nearness. It implies that a person tends to choose a partner

from the group of people we are familiar with, and we are most apt to know people who
share a neighborhood.
a. Residential propinquity – It is the tendency to marry somebody who live nearby.
b. Occupational propinquity – It is the tendency to marry somebody who belongs to the
same or allied profession.
Factors that Influence Mate Selection

2. Endogamy – It refers to the norms which require or exert

pressure toward marriage within certain groups; within one’s
own race, religious group, ethnic group or social class. It can
be cultural or social in nature.
3. Homogamy – “Like marries like”. People tend to select
marriage partners who, more or less, belong to the same age,
educational level, or socio-economic status.
Factors that Influence Mate Selection

2. Endogamy – It refers to the norms which require or exert

pressure toward marriage within certain groups; within one’s
own race, religious group, ethnic group or social class. It can
be cultural or social in nature.
3. Homogamy – “Like marries like”. People tend to select
marriage partners who, more or less, belong to the same age,
educational level, or socio-economic status.
4. Life experiences – Parents often influence children’s
choice of a mate; so do an individual’s childhood experiences,
his concept about himself, and the image of a partner he
created for himself – all of these pertain to a person’s past.
Theories of Mate Selection:
The Process
Mate Selection: The Process (Stimulus-Value-Role Model)
[Link] – Initial attraction. Two persons are attracted to each other by their
physical and social qualities. Both should perceive the relationship as fairly
equal in terms of physical looks and social skills

2. Value stage – In this stage, the compatibility of the couple is tested in terms
of values such as religious beliefs, political views, goals and dreams. Stronger
attraction is likely to happen if similarities exist. If the relationship is regarded
as mutually pleasing and fairly equal, the couple may move to the next stage.

3. Role perception stage – It offers a couple a chance to show how values are
expressed in role behavior and in real life situation. The more they interact,
the more one can get a glimpse of what it would be like to marry each other.
Mate Selection: The Process (Wheel or Clock-Spring Model)
[Link] – Initially, a man and woman meet and get acquainted with
each other in this stage. This stage seems superficial. If both feel
comfortable and communication is maintained, they move into the
second stage.
2. Self-revelation – Moving on to this stage depends upon how
homogamous the relationship is. Similarities in values, goals, and
interests will mean increased rapport and communication. Couple
tend to share more and more intimate and personal things about
themselves. As the couple continue sharing, they will learn to depend
on each other for communication and companionship.
3. Mutual dependency – Personal and social activities are planned
with the other person in mind. The absence of the other is strongly felt.
More or less, the other person in this stage has become a “habit”
4. Intimacy – Closeness to one another.
Mate Selection: The Process (Wheel or Clock-Spring Model)

As rapport increase, self-revelation

and mutual dependency are also
increased. This spiral movement
continues unless serious
disagreement leading to
relationship interruption happens.
Mate Selection: The Process (Exchange Theory)

Exchange Theory
-states that a relationship is most
likely to last if each benefits in
some ways from the relationship
How and where does courtship begins

Courtship starts from the time two people begin to recognize the
mere possibility of taking each other seriously.
At this time, young people try to break away from the close ties
with their parents and shift their interest and affection to the
members of the opposite sex.
Patterns in Courtship
There are many variants of conditions and customs that can make any description of
courtship in the Philippines.
A. Early Filipino Practice
In the early days, Filipino parents allowed their children little
freedom of courtship since they had betrothed them after birth
(Pinagkasundo or arranged marriage). This rigid practice
found among Filipinos is still observed today among upper class
and high ranking families of the Ifugao and Kalinga as well as
southern kankanai and Muslims who want to maintain their
influence and prestige by means of convenient matches. There is
very little tendency in many groups to allow for freedom of choice
or at least to consider the opinion of the young people involved.
Patterns in Courtship

Marriages among the early Filipinos were generally arranged between the parents of the
bride and of the bridegroom following a number of local traditions. However now, in the age
of technology everything is left to the event organizers, and the family of both parties just
agreed and shared in approvals and suggestions.
Patterns in Courtship: Traditional Filipino Practice

1. Harana. It is also known as serenade a romantic

custom practiced in Spanish-influence countries like
ours, is a medium of expression by which a lover
woes his lady -fair through songs. Under cloak of
darkness or by the soft light of the moon, he
becomes more articulate, and the message is made
more eloquent by music.
Patterns in Courtship: Traditional Filipino Practice

As night sets in, a group of young men each equipped with

guitar or violin proceeds to the house of the object of affection.
It first plays a quiet tune to gently awaken the lady who, in turn,
looks out of the window to acknowledge the message. If the
lady's parents favor the the suit, the men are invited to come up
where the light refreshments are served. The lady being
courted is asked to join in the singing. She is usually asked to
sing a solo number or give answer to the man's plea by singing
something which she thinks embodies her feelings best.
However, at present in our modern generation harana is no
longer practiced in the urban areas but is still common and
being practiced in the rural areas.
Patterns in Courtship: Traditional Filipino Practice

2. Panunuyo. It is also known as wooing a Filipino

tradition were in the man usually seeks the approval of
his parents before he starts courting a girl. The parents
of the man may send regalo (gifts) usually native
delicacies like suman or calamay (rice cakes) to the
parents of the girl whom they have chosen to be the
wife of their son. Acceptance of the gift means that the
parents of the girl are not opposed to the man courting
their daughter.
Patterns in Courtship: Traditional Filipino Practice

3. Paninilbihan. In the case of courtship which is

sanctioned by both sets of parents, the man usually
serves in the house of the women for sometime. He
does all sorts of work assigned to him by his future
parents-in-law. Since this is the probation period, the
man tries to show his best side. The period during
which he serves may at several months after which
marriage arrangements are to be discussed between
the families of the couple.
Patterns in Courtship:Traditional Filipino Practice

4. Pamanhikan. It is the betrothal or formal

engagement period is a traditional rite during
which a man formally asks a woman's parent's
for the hand of their daughter in marriage. The
man and a party of his family and some
relatives go to the woman's house with gifts or
also know as hagbong (dowry)
Patterns in Courtship: Modern Filipino Practice

Courtship nowadays among young men and

women usually take the form of phone calls,
e-mail, messaging through messenger, on line,
letters, cards or a formal or informal visits by a
courting male at a girl's house and sending gifts
to the girl or her parents or siblings. Thought
the courtship period is shorter because people
move around and communicate easily in these
times of fast transportation and communication.
Patterns in Courtship: Modern Filipino Practice

There several ways of starting a courtship.

Often, courtship follows a friendly relationship
between the man and the woman who may be
neighbors, or classmates, friends of mutual
friends. Family and friends of the man and the
woman can be participants in the initial stages
of the courtship. Traditionally, relatives have a
strong influence on the course of courtship. A
man may tell his family of his attraction to
certain woman.
Patterns in Courtship: Modern Filipino Practice

Today, the peer group seems to have replaced

the family in the strength of its influence on
courtship. If his gang mates approve of a
choice, a man gains confidence in continuing
the courtship.
Patterns in Courtship: Modern Filipino Practice

A man courts a lady by visiting her at home

regularly. Visits are usually done on weekends
or which day they finds it free and convenient.
An ardent suitor expresses his feelings in
amorous letters. This he supplements by home
visits if these are allowed by the family.
Telephone calls complement the visits. A young
man nowadays prefers to invite the girl to the
movies or dinner outside instead of confining
himself to visit at her house. However, she
usually goes with a companion if she is allowed
at all.
Patterns in Courtship: Modern Filipino Practice

When two persons become engaged,

marriage plan follow soon. This is done through
a modified version of the pamanhikan. The
man confides in his household his plans to
marry. Then the parents talk to their son about
his plans. When the man goes to his girlfriends,
he tells her parents of his desire to marry their
daughter. The woman's parents ask the man to
bring his parents to the households so that the
can discuss the planned marriage.
Patterns in Courtship: Modern Filipino Practice

However, for some such arrangements are

expensive, thus other than the formal
arrangement of marriage some couple goes
into what we call "live-in" arrangements. For
them it not only costly but it the same time
minimized rejections and stressed especially if
the parents of any of the couple refused or
reject their partners. In addition, for some, it
gives them an opportunity to test their
compatibility.
 Traditional courtship - Modern courtship

Modern courtship
Traditional courtship
1. Informal
1. Formal
2. Shorter
2. Longer
3. Parents are not involved
3. Parents are involved
4. Peer approval
4. Parents approval
5. Easy to terminate
5. Hard to terminate
Basis of Good Relationship

Good Relationship Depends on:

1. A Good Relationship depends on: Clear Rule and Regulations. Do's and Don'ts should
be clearly established at the onset of the affair.
2. Supportive Partners. Express your trust and confidence in your partner. Let your partner
feel that you are at his side in all endeavors, that his decisions are wise as yours.
3. Genuine concern and love. Your partner may not ask for it, but still your partner still
needs to see it and feel your concern, approval and affection in many ways.
4. Absence of senseless criticism. Criticism flattens his ego and could be a devastating
attack which may lead to indifference if not properly handled.
Basis of Good Relationship

5. Be a good friend. You can do it if you make your partner relax and feel free, allow your
partner to express his feelings and sentiments candidly, and are with him when he is down.
6. Recognize the presence of God. Let god be your anchor in your partnership a true
foundation of love.
7. Sharing and understanding. Learn to share innermost feelings and thoughts with your
partner. Share what you have and what you know, it will bring you closer together and make
your relationship enjoyable. Understand his capacity and limitations as a person. Give your
partner a space to do what your partner wants on her/his way.
Post Task

Help a friend who is going to visit a girl. He does not know what to give the girl and her
family. Can you help your friend? Open the puzzle in Canvas using this link:
[Link] under Post-Task for Module 2 so
you can give him suggestions. Then explain why you think this is the best by typing in your
answer on the space provided in this Post Task.
Introduction

Going Steady is the practice of dating an individual regularly with or without any implication
of relating with and getting married. It is likewise the "discovery" period with a constant
companion-the stage wherein human nature wants choices.
It is a kind kind of relationship with another person. Since it allows you to overlook faults
and accept each other in spite of shortcomings, you are encouraged to grow. To love is to
care about the feelings of another person. It is a kind of relationship founded on honesty and
growth and the process of living itself redefines the relationship whenever the two interacts.
Even though going steady ca be fun, exhilarating, and exciting, it is not merely a pleasant
experience devoid of personal involvement and future responsibility. It serves a more basic
function in the complicated scheme leading to marriage.
Reasons for Going Steady

Two people go steady because they like each

other a great deal although there's more to it than
that.

1. For Security. It is the primary attraction to going

steady. The assurance for both couple to be
committed and loyal to one another as well as an
assurance to the parents on the knowledge as to
whom their son or daughter is committed to.
Reasons for Going Steady

2. For sharing. The chance to share and

demonstrate honest affection and love to
another. In this case, the secure attention
of one person is of greater value than the
shallow attention of many. You find it
comfortable to be with each so you desire
of the company of your partner as vital to
your-day-today existence and emotional
growth.
Reasons for Going Steady

3. Emotional Growth. In going steady, you

develop your love and power which is vital for
a happy relationship. In order to be happy in a
relationship, you need to feel comfortable with
the balance of power. Feeling comfortable
does not mean being equal but rather the
ability to provide power and time at a limited
or certain time. In a relationship where you
feel secure and confident of yourselves, you
overlook occasional bossiness.
Reasons for Going Steady

4. For Socialization. Only two people involved in going steady know the immediate
purpose of their relationship, but the following characteristics of a socialized steady
relationship considered by sociologist Samuel Lowrie:

a. Romantic. You always look for that appropriate

somebody you really want, somebody whom you can rely
on with the kind of affection you want and need. Sharing
values, beliefs, customs and traditions, inner thoughts and
aspirations brings you closer to each other. You do not
only share but also trust each other as much as feels
confident that you need each other.
Reasons for Going Steady

b. Educational. This is the reason for going

steady where you learn to adjust to your partner. As
a result. each of you gains ease and poise as you
improve yourselves as separate individuals.
c. Recreational. Going steady is also fun if
each of you as individuals knows how to handle
your feelings and relationship. Even if it is
fun-oriented, you learn the moral values attached to
this kind of relationship. As part of having fun, you
attend social affairs together and discover each
other better and eventually assess your behavior
pattern.
Reasons for Going Steady

5. For Variety. Going steady is indefinite variety.

Just as it is not simple to describe the thrill of a
special date, a misery or disappointment (that is if
you do not like the other person) as high hopes
dash to earth, it is not simple to describe all going
steady practices. Going steady may be a
spur-of-the-moment McDonald’s or Starbucks
shared or along-planned action by the partners
involved.
Reasons for Going Steady

Samuel Lowrie believes that partners going steady seem to gain

more poise and assurance in dating; perhaps they become more
aware of their goals, more knowledgeable about the other sex,
and more in control of their feelings. However, no one has ever
proved that if you go steady early, you are certain to marry early.
Lowrie also claims that those who start dating early, as early as
thirteen perhaps, in the long run are better able to keep clear of
entangling steady relationships and premature marriages. On the
other hand, those who wait until their late teens before dating
seem more likely to rush into marriage with persons they have
dated for short periods-persons they probably do not know well
enough to choose for a life partner.
Samuel Harman Lowrie
7 Characteristics of Going Steady

1. Visible token
A guy gave his girlfriend a “‘visible token’ (class ring,
letter sweater, etc.) or they exchanged identical tokens,
often gold or silver friendship rings worn on the third
finger of the left hand” when they were ready to go
steady. The purpose was to publicly declare their
relationship and commitment.
7 Characteristics of Going Steady
2. Required Dates
In steady dating, “the boy had to call the girl a certain number of times a week and take her on a
certain number of dates a week.”

Dates were planned and intentional. It wasn’t appropriate for a guy to ask a girl on the day of the
date. He was expected to make plans two or three days in advance.
7 Characteristics of Going Steady

3. Exclusivity
Commitment was a key component of going steady.
“Neither boy nor girl could date anyone else or pay
too much attention to anyone of the opposite sex.” It
wasn’t appropriate for another guy to hover near a
girl’s locker before class or for a guy to sit across from
another girl at lunch.
7 Characteristics of Going Steady

4. Oversight
“While either could go out with friends of the
same sex, each must always know where the
other was and what he or she was doing.”
7 Characteristics of Going Steady

5. Special Events
“Going steady meant a guaranteed date for special event.”
7 Characteristics of Going Steady

6. Sharing Money
While the boyfriend was generally expected to pay for dinner
dates, going steady also began to mirror commitment found in a
marriage. Both guy and girl had a shared concern with finances
and money. Prom and formals could be expensive events and
“the girl had to be willing to help her boyfriend save up for the
event by budgeting ‘their’ money, even if it meant sitting home
together.”
7 Characteristics of Going Steady

7. Intimacy
If the date didn’t involve “sitting home together,”
private time together consisted of parking on a
less-trafficked road, the drive-in movie theater, or
the overlook. Going steady implied physical
intimacy, holding hands.
Advantages and Disadvantages of Going Steady

Advantages of Going Steady

1. Self-esteem is rewarded. It adds as moral and
emotional booster to both partners.
2. Your heart becomes filled with self-approval and
happiness and negative emotions become almost
unknown.
3. You will not easily fall out of love for you can no
longer lose yourself in someone else and instead
capable of a deeper love, a conscious devotion to the
other.
Advantages and Disadvantages of Going Steady
4. You know your own worth and are happy and content with that knowledge.
5. The relationship can heighten whatever happiness you already have. You and you alone
are the fountain head of this sacred feeling and relationship like this can enhance and
deepen the stage you are in.
6. Only to the pair of self-realizations entities, the truly happy persons, does going steady
show its real significance; sacred, beautiful and magical with a many splendor thing.
The advantages mentioned are true to those who take going steady as a vital and sacred
relationship which, in the end, may lead to a more serious but more meaningful relationships
called marriage.
Advantages and Disadvantages of Going Steady

Disadvantages of Going Steady

1. Going steady imposes a social tyranny, if you don’t have your partner as your date,
then you’re not in.
2. Going steady fosters mutual exploitation, encourages predatory males and spoiled
females instead of developing healthy comradeship.
3. Going steady among non-wage earners is too expensive. It gives young people a
distorted attitude toward money.
Advantages and Disadvantages of Going Steady

4. Going steady gives young people a taste for variety and change. If a boy runs into
difficulty, he drops his girl and finds another. If it’s the girl, she plunges into another risky
relationship. This attitude carried into marriage is one reason for the “divorce or separation
habit.”
5. Going steady can lead to premature sexual experimentation which, in turn, contributes to
the rising rate of premarital pregnancy among adolescents
These disadvantages arise if the couple don't value the kind of relationship they have.
The very core of a strong foundation of this kind of relationship is the kind of friendship each
one has for the other.
Guidelines to a Healthier Boy-Girl Relationship

Going steady is a kind of relationship seen as a

very meaningful one but only if it is dynamic and
evolving rather than fixed and final. Thus, there
may be times of joy and excitement followed by
times of struggle and pain. Unless you and your
partner agrees on complacency there are probably
not to many long times in which you are the same
with each other. As long as you are growing and
changing for good, both individually and as as
couple, then the relationship is bound to change
as well.
Guidelines to a Healthier Boy-Girl Relationship

The following are some of the qualities of going

steady in the courtship stage from the growth and
change perspective:
1. Although you desire your partner, you can
survive without him/her True love for another
is measured in terms of how near a person
gets to be with his/her loved one. The love you
have for each other can survive even without the
presence of the other.
Guidelines to a Healthier Boy-Girl Relationship

2. Talk openly with your partner about matters

of significance to the relationship. To "lay
down all cards" is what matters. You and your
partner should be able to openly and freely say
what each of your wants to say, and that includes
grievances as well. A sound dialogue as often as
possible is needed for the betterment of the
relationship.
Guidelines to a Healthier Boy-Girl Relationship

3. Assume responsibility for your own level of

happiness and refrain from blaming the other if
she/he is unhappy. Your unhappiness in a
relationship definitely affects your partner but
neither of you is expected to be the only one
responsible for making the other one happy.
Guidelines to a Healthier Boy-Girl Relationship

4. Keep the relationship alive. Meaningful

relationships are not easy to come by nor are they
stagnant. If you wish to keep the relationship
important, you must be analyze your ways of
being with your partner now and then. This entails
hard work but an extra effort will not cause any
harm.
Guidelines to a Healthier Boy-Girl Relationship

5. Enjoy doing things together. Have fun and

play by yourselves. Enjoy your partner's company
and hold the key to a lively relationship.
Guidelines to a Healthier Boy-Girl Relationship

6. Open up to new experiences. The best way to

build a strong and solid relationship is for you and
your partner to develop as individuals and not just
rely on the other for his/her improvement. You owe
it to yourself.
Guidelines to a Healthier Boy-Girl Relationship

7. Work to keep the romance alive. You can

devise ways of creating a climate in which both of
you can experience romance and closeness. You
and your partner can look for ways of rejuvenating
the boring aspects of your life together.
Guidelines to a Healthier Boy-Girl Relationship

8. Actively demonstrate concern for the other.

Partners not only talk of how much they care for
each other. The actions they manifest should be
more eloquent of the care and concern they have
for each other.
Guidelines to a Healthier Boy-Girl Relationship

9. Find meaning and sources of nourishment

beyond your relationship. Other sources of
nurturing the relationship are also needed.
Guidelines to a Healthier Boy-Girl Relationship

10. Avoid exploiting the other. You and your

partner should respect each other, but above all,
care for each other by honestly willing to see the
world through the other's eyes.
Guidelines to a Healthier Boy-Girl Relationship

11. Move in a direction towards advancement

in life is definitely meaningful. The quality of
your lives matters as early as going steady.
Basically, you like who you are and what you are
becoming.
Guidelines to a Healthier Boy-Girl Relationship

12. Recognize the need for solitude and create

time in which to be alone. Moreover, recognize
your partner's need for private times or space.
Guidelines to a Healthier Boy-Girl Relationship

13. Avoid assuming an attitude of ownership

towards the other. Although you may experience
jealousy at times, you should not demand that the
other person dreaded his/her feelings for others.
Guidelines to a Healthier Boy-Girl Relationship

14. Do not expect your partner to do for you

what you are capable of doing for yourself.
Don't expect the other person to do everything for
you.
Guidelines to a Healthier Boy-Girl Relationship

15. Disclose yourself to your partner. You need

not indiscriminately share every secret, but
you should be able to share with the other
whatever is germane to the relationship. You
should be wiling to make yourself known to your
partner in significant ways which may include
sharing joys, expectations, frustrations, dreams,
fears, boredom, excitement and other feelings.
Guidelines to a Healthier Boy-Girl Relationship

16. Allow your partner a sense of privacy.

Because you recognize the other's individual
integrity, avoid prying into every thought or
manipulating the other to disclose what he/she
wants to keep private.
Guidelines to a Healthier Boy-Girl Relationship

17. Nurturing your interest in your partner's

welfare. Go beyond thinking only of what the other
person can do for you but what you can do for
your partner.
Guidelines to a Healthier Boy-Girl Relationship

18. Encourage each other to become all that

you are capable of becoming. One encounters
this tendency to discover his/her own desires.
Guidelines to a Healthier Boy-Girl Relationship

19. Be committed to the other. You have

commitment if you have an investment in your
future together and are willing to stay with each
other in times of crisis and conflicts. Commitment
which is an essential part of a relationship involves
risk and carries a price
Reminders on Going Steady

Sexual Behavior with A steady Date.

The term sexual behavior is defined as "all
forms of physical contact between a man and a
woman which are aimed either directly or indirectly
towards intercourse, an which are an expression
of biological sex drive." The forms of sexual
behavior include kissing, caressing, petting and
sexual intercourse.
 Reminders on Going
1. Intimacy must be limited. Physical intimacy,
especially to the young people of today, must be
handled with discernment. Going steady may lead

Steady
to an intimate relationship that requires a high
level of respensibility.
Reminders on Going Steady

2. Pre-Marital Sex and Its Consequences.

Pre-marital sex includes different forms of "heavy"
sexual behavior from petting, necking and sexual
intercourse. Pre-marital sex should not be the
basis for determining your comparability with your
boyfriend and girlfriend. On the contrary, true love
is determined by the lover's ability to wait till the
wedding night. Through going steady and
engagement, one can see and will be able to
discover the hidden personality of your partner.
Reminders on Going Steady

Each person must make his/her own decision

on pre-marital sex. It is wise to recognize the
complexity of the factors and effects of your actions
and the major role in human experience.
Take in considerations the following effects it
may bring both partners after your actions. Such
effects maybe irreversible and affects ones
personality of your partner both at present and in
their future relationships.
Reminders on Going Steady
a. Guilt feeling. Shame usually comes right after the action. While an apology and
rationalization for their actions excusing loyalty and marriage to compensate for it, still the
effect maybe deep and lifelong. It may also affect their future relationship that may result to
numerous factors like; a) lack of trust; b) difficulty in making commitment if in case the
initial failed; c) disappointment which colors later sexual experience; d) guilt and
remorse specially if they find the right partner; e) resentment at being manipulated; f)
spending so much time in physical communication that they don't get to know each
other well enough in other areas of living and; g) anger and hostility when a
relationship does not meet expectations.
Reminders on Going Steady

3. Infection. When a man and woman engage in

sexual intercourse there lies the possibility of
contracting infections and other venereal diseases
that may be related to it. One example of which is
AIDS which has of late, infected people with no
cure still at this time.
Reminders on Going Steady
4. Pregnancy. Perhaps the major risk when unmarried couple
indulge in sex is that the girl may become pregnant. Pregnancy
during this stage of going steady is almost always unexpected and
unwanted. Teen-agers in particular who indulge themselves in sex
do not welcome the prospect of parent-hood. They do not engage
in sex of becoming parents, instead, those who engage in sex are
merely experimenting with forbidden thrills without thinking of all
the possible consequences. Before they new it, it becomes
regrettable, and abortion is definitely not the solution.
Remember, pretending that sexual intercourse or accidents
don't happen or withholding the basic safety information is cruel,
thoughtless, and unrealistic. In sex, more than i any other human
endeavor, truth is vital for happiness.
How to Avoid Pre-Marital Sex While Going Steady

1. Understand the hazard of pre-marital sex. Pregnancy, sexually transmitted disease,

guilt, losing your partner's trust, a soiled reputation, and emotional problems are just a few.
2. Know what sex was designed for and why. Sex was designated by God to be
shared-between a husband and a wife within the sanctity of marriage.
3. Respect yourself enough not to give in to pressure. Believe in yourself. Don't allow the
opinions of others to sway you into making a wrong decision that could affect your life
permanently.
How to Avoid Pre-Marital Sex While Going Steady

4. Avoid temptation and compromising situations. Involve yourself in group activities and
avoid being alone with someone where you can't keep control of the situation. Don't frustrate
yourself by trying to go as far as you can before stopping. Also, avoid leading others on.
5. Keep communication lines open with your parents. Talk to them and ask for their help
when you find yourself weakening.
6. Choose your friends wisely. Many other teens choose not to have sex and you can use
each other for moral support.
 How to Avoid Pre-Marital Sex While Going Steady

Evaluate your friends and their moral

standards even if you're in the "in"
crowd. In the long run it's not who's in
the "in" crowd that matters.
IT'S YOUR SUCCESS, HAPPINESS
AND STABILITY OF YOUR FUTURE
FAMILY THAT YOU WILL ESTABLISH
THAT REALLY MATTER.
Final Criteria for Mate Selection
It’s over: Break-up
Break-up
Break-up is the termination of an intimate relationship by any means other than
death.
The act is commonly termed “dumping someone”.
 Break-up
Signs You're Going to Break Up
Merging into each other.
The illusion that your partner thinks just the way you do.
A lack of communication.
A lack of common plans.
"Saving" someone in a relationship.
Laziness and a lack of effort.
Unsolved conflicts.
A "worn-out" sexual affection.
 There’s still life after break-up
Break-up, bring up emotional complications like confusion, heartbreak, and grief. All
of these are normal reactions to end the relationship even if things end in healthy and
productive way.
Begin the process by picking up the pieces and moving forward. Remember you will
get through it regardless of how hard things and how you feel right now.
 There’s still life after break-up
1. Establishing boundaries
- Avoid crossing paths with an ex-partner after break-up.
- Taking a break from texting and hanging out can help you both start healing. This
gives you time to focus on yourself.
2. Respect each other’s needs
- If you want to stay as a friend but your ex does not want any contact, you need to
respect that.
- Don’t call, text, or ask his or her friend to talk to him/her for you. However, if your
ex tries to contact you, especially before you are ready to talk, you are not
obligated to respond. Remind yourself that you both need time and space to deal
with those difficult emotions and wait until the no-contact period has passed.
 There’s still life after break-up
3. Discuss how you will handle encounters maybe you work together, attend
the same college class, or have the same friends. In this case it is good to have a
conversation about what will you do when you see each other.
-Keep things polite, keep conversations civil, and try to avoid talking to others about
what happened because gossips spread easily.
4. Take care of yourself.
-Prioritize yourself. Each day do something that you,
-Bring you joy (see friends, have new experiences, have time on your favorite hobby.)
-Nurture you. (exercise, meditate, eat healthy meal)
 There’s still life after break-up
-Help you process your feelings. (talk to a therapist, or other support persons.)
-Try to get enough sleep, but avoid sleeping too much.
5. Do things you enjoy
-After break-up, you might find yourself with more freetime than you used to have. Try to
use the time in a positive way. Find things to do can help you distract you from post
break-up greef.
6. Express your feelings
-It is common to experience a lot of emotions after break-up, including anger, sadness,
greef, and loneliness. Write them down, illustrate them, discuss it to your loved one
because they might offer some comfort, but avoid wallowing in them.
 There’s still life after break-up
8. Box up mementos (old memories)
-You do not have to throw gifts, cards, or any memory stuff. Just set the
box aside.
9. Trust still.
10. Let go and let God.
Getting Engaged
In the Philippines setting, like in most
countries, engagement is a formal
pronouncement of the intention to marry.
Although engagement practices vary from
one culture to another, still "pamanhikan"
(betrothal) marks the formal beginning of
engagement. A romantic touch is added by
presenting a diamond ring or a substitute
inexpensive ring worn on the third finger of
the left hand. But one must remember that
the ring symbolizes acceptance of marriage
proposal that the engage people be certain
enough of the commitment they are about to
take.
Getting Engaged
During this period, the engaged couple
should be assisted by concerned parents on
matters like family planning, parenting and
maintaining a happy family. On the other
hand, besides parental guidance, the couple
should provide themselves with relevant
information by attending family planning
seminars and availing themselves of
readings on sexuality and improving
relationship.
Purposes of Engagement
Purpose of Engagement.
The very purpose of engagement is for
you and your partner to know each even
much more. It is resorted to by two different
individuals bound together by love and united
to each other for quite a number of reasons.
It serves to offer opportunity to determine
whether or not your love is sufficient to
achieve a successful marriage.
Purposes of Engagement
1. It commence marriage proposal. This period
is the proper time to work together for the future
marriage, and the necessary preparation for the
wedding especially the spiritual preparation of
accepting the sacrament of matrimony. Attending
a family planning seminar and visiting a marriage
counselor for premarital instructions should be
considered at this period. However, for the
preparations for the wedding are now rested on
the shoulder of an event or wedding planner that
lessen the stress among couple.
Purposes of Engagement
2. Time to discover each individualities . The extreme
closeness during this period provides advantages for you
and your partner as an engaged couple to reveal your self,
cultural interests, debts, hereditary defects or physical
deformities, family background and premarital affairs with
previous mate and responsibilities assigned to them by their
parents like supporting siblings. It is desirable that these
facts should be gently revealed in order to attain peace of
mind and acquire a fresh start in an honest relationship
before a third party could do the unveiling and cause
deeper pain that would rebound to indifference and loss
respect.
Purposes of Engagement
3. Time to meet relatives. Other than being introduced and
meeting future relatives, the engagement period also
provides the final opportunity to iron out indifference and
disagreements on matters relating to family relationship on
both sides, cultural differences, religion,etc.
Other than testing whether or not your relationship will
prove satisfying or irritating, the engagement period is also
the right time to know more about the future parent-in-law
and acquire together wholesome attitudes and values such
as self-confidence, control, discipline, true love and chastity.
It helps a lot in development more noble personalities as
the engagement period inspires the couple.
Purposes of Engagement
4. Orientation and preparations to the realities of the
relationship after the marriage ceremony. Before finally
walking down the aisle, be sure to consider the commitment
you're about to make. Discuss vital topics which you and
your partner think could possibly affected the serenity of
your marriage.
How can you make the most of your engagement without
indulging in pre-marital sex?
1. Keep yourself busy. You and your partner should have specific assignments in the
wedding preparations and both of you must personally accomplish your respective
assignments. Being busy is an antidote for sexual desire.
2. Avoid situations which will trigger over stimulation. Do not allow yourself to be caught
in any situation which maybe difficult for you to resist, like sleeping in the same bed or lying
down together.
3. Keep reminding your partner that the best is coming very soon. Always remind him
that it won't last long and perhaps it would be wonderful if you give it all on the wedding
night.
How can you make the most of your engagement without
indulging in pre-marital sex?
4. Consume time with worthwhile topics. They could be those things that matter to both of
you; plans about honeymoon, business, housing, furnishing,etc.
5. Sharing candidly about those beautiful things which make you enjoy could be a
positive substitute for physical intimacy. One can be gentle hug before leaving or a
gentle kiss on the lips which says "I love you" or may be a flower with a whisper of " I care for
you," or maybe a comb of his hand in your hair or a kiss on the forehead.
6. Avoid behaviors and attires which cause too much stimulation or sexual arousal
and could make it difficult for you to wait till after marriage.
How can you make the most of your engagement without
indulging in pre-marital sex?
7. Avoid X-rated films or erotic magazines or books or any sex-rated conversations.
As much as possible, avoid watching them together, doing so will naturally arouse the sexual
desires of a person.
8. Avoid going to places which are too conducive to premarital activities or any forms
of physical intimacies. Those are very dark movie houses, motels or any very dark lanes in
a park.
9. Always pray for God' guidance, strength and endurance in the face of temptations.
Remember, nothing is impossible with prayers.
Post Task
Do you now understand the ingredients to a happy
relationship?

Open the link in Canvas for this Post Task

([Link]
0) and put the pieces together to answer this. List down
your answers on the space provided in Canvas.
M1- Introduction

Module 1 deals with a general understanding of the significance and benefits of

relationships while highlighting the value of social connectedness. It includes a
comparison between healthy and unhealthy relationships, the different perspectives
on relationships and the importance of effective communication in building stronger
relationships with other people. This allows the students to take a good look at the
fundamental aspects of building a positive and functional relationship with the people
around them.

Let's start: how do you look at relationships? Marrianne Williamson, in her book “A
Return to Love”, considers relationships as mirrors. Why mirror? Simply because
what we see in another – whether we like that quality or detest it – is a reflection of
something within us. We could not recognize the quality in another if we did not
know it in ourselves. Your relationship is simply a reflection of you. Relationships
mirror to us things about ourselves that can be realized in no other way. The people
we are in a relationship with are always a mirror, reflecting our own beliefs, and
simultaneously we are mirrors reflecting theirs.

For a reason, or for a season, every relationship is a teaching-learning experience.

“All relationships are assignments” we all learn from. The challenge is whether to
learn from joy or from pain. That is the choice each of us has to make. Think of all
the people that are close to you- your family, partner, friends, colleagues- the people
you spend a lot of time with and that you have an important relationship personally or
professionally. Think of any relationships you have: be it between you and your
parents, your friend and someone special. Mull over these questions: why do I
always fall for the wrong guy? “Si Mommy paulit ulit na lang!” Another deja vu?
Maybe unwelcome situations do come back because we never learn the first or the
second time. Is it fine to believe that there are no chance encounters and that each
encounter has the potential to become a teaching-learning situation? A relationship
expert says, “every social encounter we experience teaches us something; we learn
from every relationship, be it good or bad".

M1-1 Significance and Benefits of Social Relationship

Spending quality time with friends or loved ones can just feel good for the soul. Ever
left a gathering with friends and felt refreshed and jovial? Time spent with those you
trust and care about is good for everyone. Too much time on your own can make you
feel lonely and out of touch so it is important to make an effort to spend time with
others. Social connections are the relationships you have with the people around
you. They may be close, like family, friends, and co-workers, or more distant, like
people you know casually. They can be as close as next door or so far away that you
only connect with them by telephone or through the Internet.

Several foreign studies show that social connections can benefit one’s personal and
professional life in the future. See a sample infographic below.
M1-2 Healthy Vs. Unhealthy Relationships
Every day, we experience and observe diverse relationships: we see our own as well
as others; and if we are keen observers, we will see how each one works; there are
freeloader friends and user-friendly ones; groupmates who, though knowledgeable,
prefer to stay behind the curtain, and those with zero output volunteer to speak on
behalf of the group; leaders who are transformative while others are slave-driver and
manipulative. Some parents are authoritarian, others are permissive, and some are
uninvolved. Some siblings are supportive, while others can be highly judgmental and
overly critical of you. There are also people in a romantic relationship who loved and
trusted a special someone only to be gaslighted in the end.

M1-2 Healthy Vs Unhealthy Relationship

Healthy relationships can be one of life's greatest joys but not so easy to come by.
Each of us has different perspectives, wants and needs, right? And no two people
are exactly alike, remember? So just imagine two people in a romantic relationship,
who come together to interact, each with a unique set of life experiences and
expectations, different upbringing, education, values, beliefs and culture.
So, where do we start? Build a relationship with yourself first. F-L-Y! First, Love
Yourself and everything else can fall into place. Why? When we make it a habit to
know, understand, accept and eventually love ourselves, we can extend the same to
others. It's hard to love and care for others if we cannot even do the same for
ourselves. We always have to start with ourselves. This is the gist of your
Empowering the Self, remember?
We all wish to be in a healthy relationship. Yearning to be with people who make you
feel good about yourself is not seeking perfection in a relationship. There are things
in relationships that should always be part of it or what we can call the "bare
minimum". There are required conditions when building connections with people.
For example, being respectful. This behavior or quality should not be demanded but
rather given automatically if our goal is to have a healthy connection. No matter how
minimum a certain quality is, this can make the relationship more special and
long-lasting. We are imperfect beings, but we should continue to work and find ways
to live meaningful and loving relationships.
The Relationship Spectrum
Relationships are not always black or white. There are many things in between,
different shades and contexts to consider. When deciding to ‘partner,’ it is important
to have a mutual understanding of the sort of relationship you are trying to develop
together. The ‘relationship spectrum’ sets out a continuum of relationships from
‘transactional’ to a genuine ‘partnership’. Each end of the spectrum will have its
advantages and disadvantages, and there is no value judgement intended on where
in the spectrum a relationship would best fit – it all depends on context. You may
decide to try to move the relationship across the spectrum actively.

Understanding the relationship spectrum helps us identify what kind of relationships

we have and should go for. It is our role as part of different connections and
relationships to identify relationship flags. Relationship flags are signs or indicators
you may see or experience, especially as you progress in your relationship and get
to know more about the other party. These signs can be considered as your pointers
to decide whether to continue the relationship, try to compromise, or put a stop to it
entirely. There are green flags or signs of a healthy relationship or red flags or
possible signs of an unhealthy relationship. But remember, know the context and see
the patterns before you conclude and decide!

M1-3 Forging Relationships Through Communication

Whenever we want to build connections or when there are relationship problems, we
often say, “Communication is key.” While this is true, do we actually know how to
utilize communication to make it the “key” to our relationships? Do we even
recognize its true meaning in the context of our connections and how valuable it is?
Why is it that even if we are “communicating”, there are times when it doesn’t seem
to work?

Communication can be a complicated process. Add the complexities of humans and

the technology we have that mediate our interactions, it's all a tangle of complicated
web of things. But we have to keep in mind the goal and essence of communication.
Communication can be a double-edged sword that can either help or cause the
relationship to break down if not used effectively. We have to remember that
understanding and resolution should be our intention.

Why does effective communication matter in any relationship?

Communication has basic functions that can help us in our everyday life. Whether it's
verbal (words) or nonverbal (actions), communication helps build relationships for
several reasons.

● Helps us express our thoughts and feelings and regulate our behavior
● We learn more about others and ourselves
● We can deepen our connections because of continuous sharing and
exchanges
● We have better opportunities to resolve conflicts quickly
● We avoid wasting time and effort figuring things out or assuming

Different models can explain the complexities of communication and interaction in

relationships. One of this is the four-ears model by Friedemann Schulz von Thun.
The model explains that every message has 4 layers or dimensions.
 ● Factual information: the truth, clearly stated content, or verifiable
information
● Self-revelation: What you realized or discovered about yourself in sending
the message
● Relationship: The way you communicate a message depends on what you
think about the receiver and the type of relationship you have.
● Appeal: What you need from the receiver (desired action, reaction, or
outcome from your message)

Example:

● Factual information: The module activity is group work.

● Self-revelation: You can't do the activity alone or need your groupmates'
help.
● Relationship: You might be excited to work with your team, you trust them,
or you might need to remind or motivate them to do the work.
● Appeal: For each member to initiate and contribute to producing the best
output.

We might only be aware of the facts we state; other layers are only subtle or
subconsciously received. The model can show us how awesome connections can
get (the way we can send messages and understand underlying intentions in just a
few words), but it creates certain vulnerabilities, too (when we fail to use the right
words or interpret correctly and respond accordingly). It reminds us that effective
communication takes more than just saying something and expecting everything to
go smoothly. So to build and keep meaningful relationships, here are some
reminders:

● Recognize that the process is not perfect. There are different barriers
to communication. Physical noise, cultural differences, like in language,
and even our biases, judgements, or history may hinder us from being
objective in our communication. But despite its imperfections, we have to
 exert the right amount of effort to be understood and to understand. If
certain differences will not make the relationship unhealthy and we really
want the connection to work, let us strive to learn and handle it in the most
mature and productive manner.
● Communicate about communication. Or what we can call
meta-communication. Be ready to talk about better ways to communicate.
Part of this is to be open to criticisms or raw conversations that might
require you to face things you have always set aside or don't want to deal
with. Communicate even if it's hard because only when you try can you
get better at doing it. Being an effective communicator takes a process.
But communication can also be learned. You can even go through a
journey of getting better at expressing yourself with your friends or partner,
but you have to want to improve.
● Have the right intention or purpose. Communicate to understand, learn,
and resolve problems. Listen actively, not just for the sake of listening.
Communication is not about being right all the time. Communication aims
to ensure you and your connections overcome the dark moments and
arrive at a better point in your relationship.
● Always think first. When emotions are intense, we can say the wrong
things. Or even if we are right, the way we say it might be wrong. Take a
step back when things are too much. Give yourself time to put your
thoughts together. But even when you need a moment, ensure you try to
tell the other person, so they won’t assume you don’t want to resolve the
problem.
● Just say it. If you are ready and have the means to say it, just say what
you need or want. We appreciate it when people understand us with just a
few signals or nonverbal gestures, but not everyone always has the time
and capability to decode your message. To save time and avoid
misunderstandings, just ask directly. Just remember to use appropriate
words and tone.

Communicating is an inevitable part of our lives. Although we have our academic

and professional specializations, it should be everybody’s goal to enhance their
communication skills. Even if it's just small talks, it can transform connections into a
happy, healthy partnership if done effectively with the right intention and openness.
M2 Introduction

When you first entered college, what were the first things you looked forward to? Of
course, you’re thrilled to start your journey towards your dream profession. Another
might be the thought of “what kind of friends will I have?” or “is this the time when I
will start my dating life?” Indeed, social relationships are usually one of the things
any student will be excited about, especially during college, as it is a crucial time to
build more mature connections with different people.

But same with other things in life, relationships have beginnings. It’s uncommon for
you to jump into something without going through certain stages. Social relationships
are usually multi-directional paths you have to take. Meeting new people and forming
connections can be scary and exciting.

This course will take you on a journey on different social relationships you will
experience or have experienced, how and where it can start, and how it progresses
to more mature commitments. It aims to teach you how to appreciate every
connection you have and the decision-making skills you need for relationships that
will create a long-lasting impact in your lives.

Module 2 can be where it all starts. Building a strong foundation is the key to creating
stability in any social connection. This module aims to open your minds to friendship
and how we can appreciate having it in our lives. While it is just the beginning,
relationships need to progress, and love can be manifested in any form where it
directs you toward the paths to more mature and lasting relationships.

At the end of this module, you should be able to give your friendships the credit they
deserve and discover that there are different ways to love and be loved.
Module Objectives:
At the end of this module, the students should be able to:

● Recognize the different definitions and significance of friendship and love.

● Analyze one’s friendship levels and factors influencing building and keeping
friendships.
● Identify the different styles of love and love languages.
● Evaluate one’s love language and situations of possible mismatched love
languages.

M2- 1.1 Defining Friendship

How can we define friendship?

We are familiar with friendships because we have friends, no matter the size of our
circle. However, it can still be difficult to define it.

Originally, friendship has been viewed simply as an invention of society and culture.
It is a concept mostly set aside for philosophers, but even the way they defined it
was still vague. Friendships can have a broader and/or more specific meaning with
social media. We define it through friends we've known for years and spent different
life experiences with or other mutual friends we just added on social media. But there
are still ways to define it, no matter how vague it can be.

● Friendship can be ambiguous. It's open to different interpretations

depending on who you’re talking to. It can be having a support system to
go to when you have a problem with your significant other or your family.
Sociologies assumed that friendship is the most preferred type of
relationship because it is not like the traditional relationships of obligations
such as marriage and family. But looking over these insights, they’re
mostly telling us how friendship is perceived positively, with friends being
the ones to help you overcome stress and difficulties in life.
● Friendship can be open-ended. Unlike marriage, there are no standard
frameworks for starting a friendship and being a friend. Commonly, we
make friends with people with complementing interests or personalities
with us. The open-endedness can make it difficult to determine whether
the friendship will thrive or fail. However, this aspect also makes friendship
unique compared to other types of relationships.
● Friendship is essential to other forms of relationships. We often
perceive friendship as both a beginning and a connection that can last a
lifetime. However, comparing it to other relationships, like romantic ones,
can sometimes make it lose its value because we don’t want to be
“friendzoned” or “friends lang.” Yes, friendships have less commitments,
but it doesn't mean it's less significant. Remember, no matter what stage
of a serious or lifetime commitment you are in, having a friendship
connection with your partner or family is important because it can be a
foundation that strengthens your relationship.

Being abroad and ambiguous concept doesn’t make friendship less interesting and
less relevant. In fact, defining it this way or acknowledging that there is no way to
give it one concrete definition makes it less prone to disappointment because, in our
mind, there are different ways to be a friend, and there are different types of
friendships.

M2-1.2 Levels of Friendship

One thing that makes defining friendship difficult is how broad it can be depending
on the level or kind of relationship you have with.

According to Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics, there are three kinds of friendship:

1. Friendship of Pleasure
Based on the desirable things people can give and do for each other.
 2. Friendship of Utility
Based on the different benefits people can provide to each other.

3. Friendship of Virtue
Based on people and their character and is the “fullest type of friendship.”

When it comes to levels or stages of closeness, there are several, but these four are
the most common:

1. Acquaintance
This level or stage of friendship is where you have a few or occasional interactions.
The topics you talk about are mostly general information or easily known to the
public. Your schoolmate with whom you don’t have much class and don’t often talk
can fall at this level. A co-worker or colleague who says Hi’s and How are you’s and
mostly talk about work can be included also.

2. Casual
If your acquaintance upgraded to more frequent meetings outside school or work,
you turn into casual friends. You get to know each other’s interests,
accomplishments, and goals from general topics. Since you are aware of each
other’s capabilities, this is where the supportive attribute of friendship comes in.
However, the emotional connection is yet to be achieved at this level. Most
friendships stay as casual and can rarely level up to the next stage.

3. Close
This is the level where there is an understanding on a much deeper level. You know
each other personally and emotionally. You’ve seen each other at your best and
worst times. You went through different life experiences together and still decided to
be there for each other.

4. Intimate
The intimacy here is the connection of the soul. Vulnerability is said to be the key to
achieving this. You are at a point where you support each other, and at the same
time, you don’t hesitate to show your biggest insecurities and help each other correct
mistakes to grow in life.

Aside from these four, some included Stranger Level, the lowest level where your
connection and awareness of each other is non-existent.

As the stages or levels of friendship progress, some may find themselves with fewer
friends because the levels of close and intimacy are achieved over time and with
experiences. As the level goes up, the friendship may also focus more on quality
rather than quantity. There are intimate friendships that may not have everyday
interactions but will still have the same level of closeness when they meet again.
Some may not need to talk much when they are together, but the comfort of listening
or companionship, especially during difficult times, is more than enough.

M2- 1.3 Factors that Affect Frienship

There is always something that attracts us to approach people and talk to people.
The next thing you know, you consider each other friends. But first impressions can
change the more we get to know people. So what factors affect how we form and
nurture friendships and, in the absence of these, can lessen the chances of forming
deeper levels of relationships?

According to a study by Theodore Newcomb, he discovered that these three aspects

are important to forming friendships:

1. Proximity
Being physically close helps the friendship, but it doesn’t mean physical distance
makes it impossible to form and develop it. Proximity makes it more convenient to
maintain friendships compared to those who are far away.

2. Similarity
Consciously or not, people tend to find themselves being friends with or even in a
relationship with those who share certain personality traits with them. However, it
doesn’t automatically mean differences have negative impacts, but having something
in common with others can make friendship formation easier and more natural.

3. Reciprocity
Reciprocity is being able to look at someone the same way they look at you (If I
consider you as my friend, you consider me as your friend too) and do the same
things as they do to you (showing the same level of support that you showed to
them). However, realistically speaking, not all friendships are reciprocal, and not all
are equal. But the absence of reciprocity in all aspects still may hinder friendship
from reaching a deeper level.

In a research study by Kelly Campbell, Nicole Holderness, and Matt Riggs entitled
“Friendship chemistry: An examination of underlying factors”, findings showed the
following individual and dyadic formation factors are important to have friendship
chemistry:

M2-1 Ways to nurture and Improve Friendship

M2- 2.1 defining love

Love can be as complicated (if not more) as friendship. Love is another concept that
is hard to constrain to certain words. There are many definitions and interpretations.
Love can be a noun or a verb. It's an emotion as well as an act.

Watch this video to discover different definitions of love.

● Love is “a purpose of human life”, according to Kurt Vonnegut. Love can be

seen as part of our instinct, a natural phenomenon that can occur with anyone
in our lives.
● Love is about acceptance, as Anaïs Nin said. When we love, we accept all
parts of someone or something, all the good and the bad.
 ● Love can leave you vulnerable and broken. As C.S. Lewis said, “Love
anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you
want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not
even to an animal.”While Lewis emphasised an undesirable consequence of
love, being safe from it also equates to being in Hell. Love has its positive and
negative sides but closing yourself from it is not a better option as well.
● Love is mysterious, according to Susan Sontag
● Love can change you unexpectedly and awkwardly, as Lemony Snicket said
● Love is seeing what is in the mind and not merely what it sees using the eyes
according to Shakespeare.
● Love can never be truly comprehended. Paulo Coelho said, “Love is an
untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to
imprison it, it enslaves us.
Indeed, we each have our meaning of love. We love love but sometimes we hate it
or don’t want it. It is part of who we are, but it can change us. It is necessary but
difficult. It can be for anyone as long as there is acceptance. You have to give it, but
it’s always difficult to expect it back. And same with friendship, giving it a standard
definition may not always be helpful but acknowledging that it can be for anyone or
anything means it is an inevitable part of our journey. And like anything else, love
changes and evolves depending on how we show it.

M2- 2.3 Styles of Love

Based on the definitions, love can be directed towards different people, objects, and
even places. It shows we can love all people and all things in our lives but the way
we love or who we are as lovers can still be different. Below is the infographic.
M2- 2 Languages of Love

Love languages can be categorized into two: the receiving love language and the
giving love language. They may be either similar or different. The purpose of
knowing one's language is to know the best way to show your loved ones your
affection and how much you value what matters to them. Love languages are not
limited to romantic relationships. We may seek different ways to be loved by our
family and friends. Speaking one's love language can be challenging, especially if
you differ in your expression of love. Ideally, we should be able to appreciate all
forms and ways of how we receive and give love.

● Words of Affirmation
People with this language prefer honest, written, or spoken, which can be
encouraging or positive words that will show one’s love. The words don’t have to be
positive all the time because being truthful is important, but you must also be mindful
of selecting the right words to avoid misunderstanding or hurting your partner.
Listening is important to know the appropriate words that your partner will
appreciate.

● Quality Time
“A person who craves Time just wants you: your time, your attention, your company.”
The activity or the place is secondary as long as you are together. You don’t have to
be physically close to each other because what’s important is the attention and focus
you willingly give to your partner. Giving time is as important as the quality of
moments spent with each other.

● Gifts
These gifts are more than just material things but a symbolic representation of the
giver and their love itself. It’s not the material things that make it valuable but the
memories with it. A gift could only last a few moments, but the representation that
you are thinking about the other person when you got it is what matters. And as you
know, it’s always the thought that counts.

● Acts of Service
This is about action, a deliberate, intentional, but unexpected act of doing something
for your partner. But simply doing things is not enough rather, “you have to consider
which acts of service will have the most impact on the recipient.” It’s not a matter of
how long you did it or how difficult it is but how meaningful it is for the person you
love.

● Physical Touch
A non-verbal love language. An “intentional, meaningful, physical contact” that
expresses your love. Touch is not just a physical need but an emotional one.
However, consent is still important. You have to know a person's comfort level before
you touch them.