ABOUT TIME

A comedy about love and time travel

Written by Richard Curtis

Edited by Emma Freud

8th March 2012

WORKING TITLE FILMS PORTOBELLO STUDIOS

26 Aybrook Street 138 Portobello Road
London London
W1U 4AN W11 2DZ
+44 207 307 3000 +44 207 221 7550

© 2012 Working Title Films Limited. All Rights Reserved.

 1.

1 INT. FAMILY HOME. DAY. / EXT. BEACH. DAY./ EXT. GARDEN. 1

NIGHT.
THE FILM STARTS WITH A VOICE-OVER - SHOWING WHAT TIM, THE
LEADING MAN, IS DESCRIBING. HE IS 21. AS HE TALKS ABOUT EACH
MEMBER OF THE FAMILY, THE CAMERA STAYS WITH THEM UNTIL THEY
ARE PASSED BY ANOTHER FAMILY MEMBER, WHO THE CAMERA THEN
FOLLOWS. ONE FLOWING MORNING IN THEIR RAMBLING SEA-SIDE HOME.

TIM (V.O.)
I always knew we were a fairly odd
family.

First there was me - too tall, too

skinny, too orange - unfortunate
hair.

My mum was lovely, but not like

other mums - there was something
solid about her, something
rectangular - her fashion icon was
the Queen Mother - I never remember
her not in tweed.

Dad, well, he was more normal. He

always seemed to have time on his
hands - after giving up teaching
university students on his 50th
birthday, was always available for
a leisurely cup of tea, or to let
me win at table tennis once more.

Then there was Mum’s brother, Uncle

D. Always impeccably dressed, he
spent the days just, well, being
Uncle D. He was the same age as Mum
but by the time I was 8, he was
really my younger brother.
And then finally, there was
Catherine, Katie, Kit Kat. In a
household of suits and hair cuts,
there was this - what can I call
her - nature thing. With her big
oval eyes, her wild hair, her
purple t-shirts, her torn jeans and
her eternally bare feet - she was
then and still is, to me, about the
most wonderful thing in the world.

All in all - it was a pretty good

childhood - full of repeated
rhythms and patterns - charades in
the winter, with me always losing -

(MORE)

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 2.
TIM (V.O.) (CONT'D)
croquet with Uncle D every summer -
and by the time I was 21, we were
still having tea on the beach every
single day, no matter what the
weather…

SCENE OF THEM TRYING TO HAVE TEA ON THE BEACH ON A VERY BLOWY

AUTUMN AFTERNOON. MUM IN SCARF, UNCLE D IN THREE-PIECE SUIT,
DAD LAUGHING AT IT ALL, KIT KAT IN PURPLE T-SHIRT AND TORN
JEANS - MAKING A FIRE WITH STICKS FOUND ON THE BEACH, TRYING
TO LIGHT IT, PUTTING ON AN OLD KETTLE. ONE CUP OF TEA TAKES
ABOUT HALF AN HOUR. A SCONE DROPS IN THE SAND - TIM’S MOTHER
SURREPTITIOUSLY PICKS IT UP, SCRAPES OFF THE SAND AND PUTS IT
BACK ON THE PLATE.
TIM (V.O.)
And then every Friday evening - a
film.
A NIGHT-TIME SHOT OF THEM WATCHING A MOVIE, PROJECTED ONTO
THE SIDE OF THE HOUSE - ALL OF THEM IN DECKCHAIRS. IT STARTS
TO DRIZZLE - AND UP GO SIX UMBRELLAS - NO-ONE MOVES. KIT KAT
JUST RELISHES THE RAIN.

TIM (V.O.)
And then, once a year, the ghastly
New Year’s Eve party...

2 INT. FAMILY HOME. NIGHT. 2

A NEW YEAR'S PARTY. THE BEST SONGS FROM 2005 PLAY. AN AWKWARD
MIXTURE OF YOUNG PEOPLE, OLD PEOPLE AND CHILDREN. THERE'S ONE
YOUNG MAN DANCING WITH PECULIAR, UNWARRANTED CONFIDENCE -
TIM’S FRIEND JAY. WE SEE TIM SORT OF SMILING HOPEFULLY AT A
PRETTY GIRL - SHE IGNORES HIM IN FAVOUR OF A HANDSOMER GUY.
HE ENDS UP DANCING WITH A GIRL TWICE HIS SIZE, POLLY - SHE,
IN CONTRAST, GIVES HIM A VERY WELCOMING SMILE.
KIT KAT IS TALKING TO A TOO GOOD LOOKING LOUCHE YOUNG MAN.

CUT ON - TIM IS JUST TRYING TO GET THROUGH THE NIGHT -

AVOIDING DRUNK PEOPLE. ONE PERSON NUDGES A TABLE AND 27 WINE
BOTTLES ALL SPILL AT ONCE.

SUDDENLY IT IS MIDNIGHT - A BIG COUNTDOWN TO THE BIG MOMENT.

TIM FINDS HIMSELF NEAR THE NOW RATHER DRUNK POLLY - SHE MOVES
TOWARDS HIM, LEANING IN FOR A NEW YEAR KISS. HE PANICS.
DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. FINALLY, ON THE DOT OF MIDNIGHT, AS
ALL AROUND HIM EVERYONE IS KISSING, HE JUST TAKES HER HAND
AND SHAKES IT FIRMLY.
TIM
Happy New Year. Sorry.
THEY LOOK AROUND - EVERYONE ELSE IS KISSING. KIT KAT IS
KISSING THE HANDSOMEST, COOLEST, NASTIEST LOOKING BOY AT THE
PARTY.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 3.

A SWEET 23 YEAR OLD, TEDDY, HAS SWEPT HIS PRETTY 10 YEAR OLD
SISTER, AMBER, OFF HER FEET, KISSING HER ON THE CHEEK.
AS TIM HOLDS POLLY'S HAND, WE SEE A TEAR APPEAR IN THE CORNER
OF HER EYE. FOR HER, IT’S A PROFOUNDLY SAD MOMENT - NO-ONE
LOVES HER. SHE WALKS AWAY. TIM IS MORTIFIED. SHAKES HIS HEAD.
BAD START TO THE YEAR.

3 INT. TIM’S BEDROOM. MORNING. 3

A WIDE WINDOW OVERLOOKS THE CAMOMILE LAWN AND THEN THE SEA.

TIM (V.O.)
And so I woke up the next morning,
hung over, ashamed of myself and
not realising it was the day that
would change my life forever.
KIT KAT ENTERS IN THE PURPLE T-SHIRT SHE SLEEPS IN.

KIT KAT
Wake up, Stupid. Dad wants you.

4 INT. DAD’S STUDY. MORNING. 4

TIM OPENS THE DOOR AND ENTERS - IT'S A BIG OLD FASHIONED
STUDY - BOOKS AND RECORDS LINE THE WALL MASSIVELY - WHERE
THERE AREN'T BOOKSHELVES, THERE ARE PAINTINGS OF OLD
RELATIVES. AGAIN, VIEW OUT ON TO CRAGGY TREES AND THE
ENORMOUS SEA BEHIND.

HIS DAD IS A FAMILIAR, LIVED IN, QUITE FORMAL MAN. DEEPLY

CIVILIZED AND ATTRACTIVE.

DAD
Ah, Tim, come in... Do sit down.
TIM
This is all very formal.
THEY HAVE A PRETTY GOOD RELATIONSHIP - IRONIC AND FAMILIAR,
EVEN IF NOT COMPLETELY CLOSE.

DAD
Well, yes, ahm, this is an odd
moment for me - because I had
exactly the same moment with my
Father, when I’d just turned 21 -
and after it, my life was never the
same - so, I approach it pretty
nervously.
TIM
Okay - when you're ready. All very
mysterious.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 4.

AN ODD PAUSE.
DAD
Alright. Right. Tim - my dear son -
the simple fact is that the men in
this family have always had the
ability to... This is going to
sound strange. Be prepared for
strangeness. But there’s this
family secret - and the secret is
that all the men in the family can -
travel in time.
(HEADING ON FAST)
Well, more accurately, travel back
in time. I mean, once we’ve
travelled back, we can of course
travel forward back to the present,
but we can't travel into the future
from now.

CUT BACK TO TIM. HE IS PERFECTLY STILL. THEN...

TIM
This is such a weird joke...

DAD
It’s not a joke.

TIM
It’s got to be a joke.
DAD
It’s seriously not a joke.

TIM
So you’re saying that you, and
granddad, and his brothers... could
all travel back in time?
DAD
Yes.
TIM
And you still do?

DAD
Absolutely.

TIM
Okay - if it’s true - which it
isn’t...
DAD
Although it is...
TIM
Although it isn’t, obviously. But
if it was, which it’s not...

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 5.

DAD
Which it is...
TIM
Which it isn’t - but if it was, how
would I actually..?
DAD
The 'how’ is the easy bit in fact.
You go into a dark place - big
cupboards very useful generally -
toilets at a pinch - then you
clench your fists like this, think
about the moment you’re going to,
and you’ll find yourself there.
After a bit of a stumble and a
rumble and a tumble.
PAUSE.

TIM
Wow.
DAD
...is as good a reaction as any. I
think I plumped for 'fuck'. But it
was the 80s.

TIM
Do you mind if I just take a few
moments to think about it?

DAD
Please do. I’ll just be here.
TIM HEADING OUT.

TIM
No - no - this is so obviously just
a joke.

DAD
It’s not. Why would I lie?

TIM
Okay. Well, I mean, there’s
obviously only one way to settle
this.

DAD
Yes. Obviously.
TIM
But when I come back downstairs -
after standing in a cupboard with
my fists clenched - you’re going to
be in so much trouble. I mean it.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 6.

DAD
Let’s see, shall we? And Tim... Try
to do something useful. You want
the first time to be interesting at
least.

TIM
So much trouble. I mean it. Really.

5 INT. TIM’S BEDROOM. DAY. 5

TENSE MUSIC. TIM ENTERS HIS BEDROOM CUPBOARD CEREMONIOUSLY.

THEN CLOSES HIS EYES, CLENCHES HIS FIST. THEN SOMETHING
HAPPENS. A TINY VISION OF THE TIME BEING PASSED THROUGH - A
FEW RANDOM IMAGES, LIKE TRAVELLING THROUGH A TIME TUNNEL. CUT
OUTSIDE INTO HIS BEDROOM. IT IS NIGHT - TIM STEPS OUT -
DRESSED AS HE WAS FOR THE NEW YEAR'S PARTY.

6 INT. MAIN HALL. NIGHT. 6

TIM WALKS DOWN THE STAIRS - UTTERLY STUNNED BY THE

STRANGENESS OF LIVING SOMETHING FOR THE SECOND TIME.

FRIEND JAY
You okay, Tim?

TIM
Yes. Good, good.
HE CUNNINGLY STOPS THE SPILLAGE OF THE 27 WINE BOTTLES HE
REMEMBERS FROM THE NIGHT BEFORE.

HE SEES KIT KAT LOCK EYES WITH THE NASTY HANDSOME BOY SHE WAS
LATER KISSING.

CUT FORWARD TO MIDNIGHT. THE SAME MOMENT AT THE PARTY WHEN HE

FAILED TO KISS POLLY. AND INSTEAD OF SHAKING HER HAND - HE
NOW KISSES HER. IT MAKES HER SO HAPPY.

POLLY
Thank you, Tim.

TIM
You're welcome, Polly.
AND HE HEADS OFF INTO A DARK ROOM, OFF THE PARTY ROOM...

7 INT. TIM’S BEDROOM. NIGHT. 7

HE’S BACK IN THE CUPBOARD AGAIN. HE LOOKS AT HIS WATCH - HIS
CLOTHES. YES, HIS LIFE HAS UTTERLY CHANGED. HE STEPS OUT OF
THE CUPBOARD, DAZED. AT WHICH MOMENT, POLLY COMES IN FROM THE
BATHROOM. SHE IS WEARING JUST A TOWEL...

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 7.

POLLY
I've actually never done this
before.

TIM, IN TOTAL SHOCK ALREADY, IS JOLTED INTO TOTAL SHOCK

NUMBER TWO. AN ALMOST NAKED STRANGE GIRL IN HIS BEDROOM.
TIM
Really?
POLLY
But then no-one has ever really
kissed me before - so I thought, if
I'm going to lose my virginity with
someone, it might as well be you.
TIM
Great news.
POLLY
I told Mum I was going to stay at
Shirley's - so we've got all night.
This (HER BODY) is yours for 12
hours. Do with it as you will, Tim
Lake.

TIM
Great. Great. Will you just give me
one second?

POLLY
Of course - ‘man stuff’.

HE GOES INTO THE BATHROOM, SWITCHES OFF THE LIGHT, CRUNCHES

HIS FIST - AND GOES BACK TO THE NEW YEAR'S PARTY.

8 INT. MAIN HALL / BEDROOM. NIGHT. 8

MIDNIGHT AGAIN. AND ONCE AGAIN TIM SHAKES HER HAND. THE TEAR
FALLS FROM HER EYE AGAIN.
TIM
I really AM sorry.

AND THEN TIM ARRIVES BACK IN HIS BEDROOM. STEPS OUT. HIS LIFE
IS UTTERLY CHANGED.

9 INT. FATHER’S STUDY. DAY. 9

HE HEADS DOWN INTO HIS DAD’S STUDY - OPENS THE DOOR - OPENS
HIS ARMS IN AMAZEMENT - ‘WHAT THE HELL’ - DAD SHRUGS HIS
SHOULDERS - ‘WHAT DID I TELL YOU?’

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 8.

10 EXT. BEACH. DAY. 10

CUT TO TIM WALKING ALONG THE BEACH - PASSIONATE, UNFOLDING
MUSIC. HE IS LOST IN HIS THOUGHTS AND AMAZEMENT.

11 INT. DAD’S STUDY. EVENING. 11

TIM IS BACK IN THE STUDY WITH HIS DAD. FULL OF URGENT
QUESTIONS NOW.
TIM
Does Mum know?

DAD
Not a whistle.

TIM
Strange. And what about the
whole..?

DAD
Butterfly effect thing - what can I
say, we don't seem to have messed
up civilization yet...

TIM
It’s going to be a complicated
year.

DAD
It’s going to be complicated life.
Any ideas how to use it?

TIM
Well, it’s going to take a lot of
thinking about - what have you
done... with it?
DAD
For me it’s books, books, books.
I've read everything a man could
hope to. Twice. Dickens three
times. And music of course.
(GESTURES TO ALL HIS
RECORDS)
And then, I've got to spend more
time with you and the family. What
are you thinking?

TIM
Well, apart from changing this
haircut, money would be the obvious
thing.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 9.

DAD
Very mixed blessing. Utterly fucked
up your grandfather's life - left
him without love or friends. I've
never bumped into a genuinely happy
rich person.
TIM
But it would be nice not to have to
work.
DAD
No - that’s a real recipe for
disaster. Look what happened to
your Uncle Fred.
TIM
What happened to Uncle Fred?
DAD
Nothing. Absolutely sod all. Wasted
his life. You have to use it for
things that will really make your
life how you want it to be.

TIM
Well. I suppose, to be honest, for
the moment, I really just hope it's
going to get me a girlfriend.

DAD
Wow. Big one.

TIM
Yup - the mothership.

TIM (V.O.)
For me, it was always going to be
all about love. Of course - there
were some old scores to be
settled....

12 INT. LECTURE HALL. DAY. 12

TIM’S HAIR IS A BIT DIFFERENT - IT’S A YEAR BACK, HIS FINAL

MOMENT AT UNIVERSITY. A SLOUCHY ARROGANT TUTOR ADDRESSES THE
SMALL CLASS.

TUTOR
Well, we draw near the close of
your ignominious time here. I wish
you all the best, although I fear
the worst. God help the legal
system if you lot are entering it.

TIM RAISES HIS HAND...

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 10.

TUTOR (CONT’D)
Yes, Lake, what is it?
TIM
Can I just say, sir, on behalf of
all of us, that we also wish you
the best - but fear the worst.
You’re the worst teacher any
student has ever had - you’re not
only stupid, you’re arrogant,
aggressive, sleazy and wouldn’t
recognise an original thought if it
gave you a tender and caring blow-
job.
TUTOR
You are in such trouble, young man.
TIM
Or not. Excuse I’m just popping to
the toilet for a moment...

13 INT. TIM’S ROOM. DAY. 13

TIM IS CASUALLY DRESSED FOR THE DAY, BAGGY TROUSERS, OLD

SHORT-SLEEVED SHIRT.

TIM (V.O.)
But it was in the summer holidays,
that the real business began. I
walked downstairs and into love.

14 EXT/INT. THE HOUSE. DAY. 14

KIT KAT’S LITTLE PURPLE CAR ENTERS THE DRIVE - TIM MOOCHES
OUT OF THE HOUSE - AND OUT OF THE CAR STEPS THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL GIRL HE HAS EVER SEEN. SLOW MOTION AND MUSIC AS
THIS SEXUAL ANGEL ENTERS HIS LIFE. HE IS ABSOLUTELY FROZEN.
KIT KAT
Charlotte, this is Tim.

TIM
No it’s not. Excuse me.

TIM RUNS INTO THE HOUSE. RUSHES INTO A CUPBOARD. GRIPS HIS
FISTS. RUSHES UPSTAIRS. TRIES ON FOUR DIFFERENT OUTFITS -
TRIES TO LOOK COOL IN EACH OF THEM. SHAVES. EVEN CUTS HIS
HAIR A TINY BIT. PLUCKS HIS NOSE. AND THEN HEADS DOWNSTAIRS
AND TRIES TO LOOK CASUAL AS THE CAR PULLS UP. OUT STEPS
CHARLOTTE, PARADISE AGAIN.
KIT KAT
Charlotte, this is Tim.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 11.

CHARLOTTE
Hi, Tim.
TIM
Hi, Charlotte.

CHARLOTTE
I think you know my brother.

TIM
Really?

CHARLOTTE
Jimmy Kincade.
TIM
O Jesus.
CHARLOTTE
You don’t like him?

TIM
No - he’s - he’s a character.

CHARLOTTE
Your sister loves him.
TIM IS PUZZLED.

KIT KAT
True - not many guys will sleep
with you on the first date.

TIM
You slept with Jimmy Kincade?

CHARLOTTE
Wow, you really don’t like him.
TIM
Excuse me a moment. Can do better.
THE CAR DRIVES BACK IN...

KIT KAT
Charlotte this is Tim.
TIM
Hi, Charlotte.

CHARLOTTE
I think you know my brother,
Jimmy Kincade.
TIM
O yes, what a guy. How is the old
bastard?

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 12.

TIM (V.O.)
She was heaven. And staying the
whole summer.

15 INT. BEDROOM. MORNING. 15

TIM IN HIS ROOM IN HIS PYJAMAS - HE EMERGES AND THERE COMING
TOWARDS HIM, ALONG THE CORRIDOR, IS CHARLOTTE.
CHARLOTTE
Wow - nice pyjamas. I’ve never met
anyone who wears a pyjama.

TIM
Really? What do people wear in bed
these days?
CHARLOTTE
T-shirt and boxers. Or nothing.

TIM
Right. Of course.

CUT BACK INSIDE HIS ROOM. HE’S NOW WEARING A T-SHIRT OVER
SOME COOLER BAGGY TROUSERS. HE GOES BACK INTO THE CORRIDOR -
CHARLOTTE COMING FROM EXACTLY THE SAME DIRECTION AS BEFORE.

CHARLOTTE
Hey. I had you down for a pyjama
kind of guy.

TIM
No. T-shirt and boxers. Or nothing,
of course.

KIT KAT COMES ALONG THE CORRIDOR.

KIT KAT
Why are you wearing that?

TIM
What?

KIT KAT
What happened to your penguin
pyjamas?

TIM
Pyjamas? Not me. No. Bloody hell -
pyjamas - come on!
THE GIRLS HEAD ON DOWNSTAIRS - TIM GOES BACK INTO HIS ROOM.
HE PUTS THE PYJAMA TOPS AND TROUSERS BACK ON AND IS STANDING
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM WHEN THERE IS A KNOCK ON THE DOOR.
HE JUST HAS TIME TO LEAP INTO BED, WHEN THE DOOR OPENS. THERE
IS CHARLOTTE - HE GETS THE DUVET RIGHT UP TO HIS CHIN JUST IN
TIME TO HIDE THE PYJAMAS.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 13.

CHARLOTTE
We thought we might head to the
beach. Coming?

TIM
Yup. Be right there.
HE DOES NOT MOVE.

16 EXT. BEACH. DAY. 16

THEY ARE ON THE BEACH. TIM READING A BOOK, THE GIRLS ON THEIR
FRONT, ON TOWELS, SUNBATHING.
CHARLOTTE
Tim, will you do my back?
SHE HOLDS OUT SOME SUNCREAM.

TIM (V.O.)
Absolutely.
HE BOUNCES UP.

CHARLOTTE
Wow. Keen.

HE’S A BIT EMBARRASSED. HE TAKES THE CREAM, HOLDS IT OVER HER

BACK - SQUIRTS. THE TOP FALLS OFF - A HUGE DOLLOP COVERS HER
BACK... SHE SCREAMS. CUT RIGHT BACK...

CHARLOTTE (CONT’D)
Tim, will you do my back.
TIM
Sure - give us a sec...

HE READS A FEW MORE LINES (IT’S TOUGH TO DELAY, BUT HE DOES

IT...) THEN DRIFTS OVER. HE TAKES THE CREAM CAREFULLY, PUTS A
LITTLE ON HIS HAND AND THEN RUBS IT IN SMOOTHLY.
CHARLOTTE
Nice...

17 INT. DINING ROOM. EVENING. 17

IT’S DINNER - TIM, AS EVER, FOCUSSING ENTIRELY ON CHARLOTTE

AND EVERYTHING SHE DOES. THEY ARE EATING SOUP.
CHARLOTTE
What flavour is the soup?
MOTHER
Cauliflower.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 14.

DAD
Ah - the only problem with
cauliflower I find, is that it
tastes like cauliflower.

CHARLOTTE LAUGHS A LOT AT THAT.

TIM
Excuse me one minute.
HE GETS UP TO LEAVE. CUT TO EXACTLY THE SAME SCENE, A FEW
SECONDS EARLIER.

DAD
What flavour is the soup?
MOTHER
Cauliflower.
TIM JUMPS IN...

TIM
The only problem with cauliflower,
in my humble opinion, is that it
always tastes like cauliflower.

CHARLOTTE
O, I quite like it.

TIM SCRATCHES HIS HEAD. WHAT HAPPENED THERE?

TIM (V.O.)
It was the summer from heaven - it
was the summer from hell. I invited
my friend Teddy round for tennis
because I knew he’d make me look
good.

TIM AND THE SWEET GUY FROM THE PARTY WHO WAS DANCING WITH THE
10 YEAR OLD ON ONE SIDE - TIM CLEARLY THE BETTER PLAYER. ON
THE OTHER SIDE KIT KAT AND CHARLOTTE, WEARING A TIGHT T-SHIRT
AND TINY SKIRT. KIT KAT IS MORE INTERESTED IN MAKING SHAPES
THAN SHOTS - BUT CHARLOTTE IS VERY GOOD.

TIM (V.O.)
Unfortunately Charlotte just made
both of us look like idiots. How
the hell are you meant to
concentrate on your game with this
sort of shit going down?
UTTER SLO-MO GORGEOUSNESS, AS THE CAMERA WATCHES CHARLOTTE'S
BEAUTY AS SHE RUNS, SERVES, DRINKS WATER, LEAPS TO CATCH A
HIGH BALL. THE ULTIMATE BEAUTIFUL GIRL TENNIS FANTASY.
TIM (V.O.)
It never got better - until it was
almost too late.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 15.

18 INT. FAMILY DINING ROOM. DAY. 18

THEY ARE SITTING AT THE FAMILY DINING TABLE FOR A NICE STEW
AT LUNCH.

DAD
Well, Charlotte, our final lunch -
it's been lovely having you all
summer, hasn't it, Uncle D.
UNCLE D
Beg your pardon?

MUM
Lovely having Charlotte here all
summer.

UNCLE D
Who is Charlotte?

MUM
Come on darling - Charlotte. Next
to you.

UNCLE D
Ah yes - Charlotte - lovely to meet
you - how long are you staying?

CHARLOTTE
I'm leaving today.
UNCLE D
Alas - would have been wonderful to
get to know each other.

19 INT. FAMILY HOME CORRIDOR. NIGHT. 19

LATER THAT NIGHT. TIM TURNS A CORNER AND THERE IS CHARLOTTE.

TIM
Charlotte - as it’s the final day -
the last night, can I... ask you a
question?

CHARLOTTE
Ask away. O no - wait - it's not
going to be about love is it?

TIM
What?
CHARLOTTE
Kit Kat warned me about this and
said that if you ever mentioned it,
I should be very firm and say that
you must treat me like a sister and
not be stupid.
(MORE)

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 16.
CHARLOTTE (CONT'D)
Or have I made a total fool of
myself and you were going to ask me
for last minute tennis tips?

TIM
No, it was about... the other
thing.
CHARLOTTE
Well, that's very sweet of you.
SHE LOOKS HIM DEEP IN THE EYES. THINKING... HIS LIFE IN HER
HANDS.

CHARLOTTE (CONT’D)
Shame you left it till the last
night - you should have tried
creeping along the corridor while
we still had time.

TIM
Okay. Okay. Last night a bad idea?
CHARLOTTE
Last night a very bad idea - seems
like an afterthought. Last night
was never going to work.

TIM
Okay. Good.
SHE WALKS AWAY. AND TIM WALKS STRAIGHT INTO A NEARBY
CUPBOARD.

20 INT. CORRIDOR. NIGHT. 20

CUT TO THE UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR THAT NIGHT. TIM EMERGES CREAKILY

FROM HIS ROOM - AND EDGES TOWARDS ANOTHER DOOR. HE OPENS THE
DOOR GENTLY... AND WALKS IN....

CHARLOTTE
Tim.

TIM
Yes. Hi.
CHARLOTTE
Can I help?

TIM
Well, yes - there is just one thing
- I know you’ve probably suspected
this - but in the last fortnight, I
have fallen completely in love with
you.
(MORE)

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 17.
TIM (CONT'D)
Now, obviously, this was going to
happen, because you’re the
prettiest girl in history with the
prettiest face and the prettiest
hair... but even if, you know, you
didn’t have the face and you had,
absolutely no hair for some bizarre
reason, I’d still adore you - not
in a schoolboy way, in a really
profound adult but not threatening
way, and I just wondered whether by
any chance you might share my
feelings?

CHARLOTTE
Wow. Ahm. I tell you what. Why
don’t you ask me again on my last
night?
TIM
Your last night.

CHARLOTTE
Yeh. Try me on the last night.
Let’s see what happens then.

TIM
Right. Perfect. Just perfect.

HE STANDS OUTSIDE THE DOOR ALONE. AND KNOWS THE TRUTH.

21 EXT. FAMILY HOME. DAY. 21

THE FINAL DAY. CHARLOTTE IN ALL HER GLORY STEPS INTO THE CAR -
TIM JUST WATCHES HER - SHE TURNS IN THE BACK WINDOW AND WAVES
GENTLY AS THE CAR MOVES INTO THE DISTANCE.

TIM (V.O.)
And so the love of my life drove,
just drove away. All the time
travel in the world couldn't help
me there. And the next day it was
my turn to leave.

22 EXT. FAMILY HOME. DAY. 22

HE IS STANDING NEXT TO A TAXI WITH HIS CASES.

HIS DAD SMILES, KIT KAT JUMPS ON HIM WITH A HUG, LEGS ROUND
HIS WAIST. UNCLE D SLIPS HIM A 50 PENCE COIN, WITH A WINK...

UNCLE D
Don’t spend it all at once, son.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 18.

23 INT/EXT. ST JOHNS WOOD. DAY. 23

SHOTS OF LONDON ON A SPRING DAY. LITTLE FLASHES OF ITS
IDIOSYNCRATIC MISCELLANY.

TIM (V.O.)
I caught the train to London and
headed for my digs, staying with an
old friend of the family, who had
apparently fallen on slightly hard
times and needed the rent. It
turned out to be just a few yards
from Abbey Road - fans lining up by
the crossing and risking their
lives to have their photos taken...
HE WALKS PAST THE CLUSTER OF PEOPLE LINING UP TO BE
PHOTOGRAPHED ON THE ABBEY ROAD CROSSING, THEN TURNS A CORNER
INTO A TREE-LINED STREET - AND ARRIVES AT A BIG OLD-FASHIONED
RED BRICK HOUSE. THE DOORBELL IS ANSWERED BY A RAMSHACKLE, 50
YEAR OLD, HARRY.

HARRY
What the fuck do you want?

TIM
I'm James' son.

HARRY
Who?
TIM
James Lake.

HARRY
What about him?

TIM
I'm his son. He said you had a
room.

HARRY
Go in there - and wait. Quietly. I
mean it - don't make a fucking
sound.

24 INT. HARRY’S HOUSE. DAY. 24

TIM SITS IN THE SITTING ROOM, THE WALLS COVERED IN POSTERS OF

PLAYS, CLEARLY ALL WRITTEN BY HARRY, WHO NOW REAPPEARS.
HARRY
No - it's gone. I was actually
having the first good idea I've had
for a year, when you rang on the
doorbell - and now it’s gone. You
little shit.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 19.

TIM
Sorry.
HARRY
It's upstairs. The room. How's your
Dad? Weird cock I always thought -
something weird about him...
TIM
Really?
HARRY
Yeah. Never really liked him
actually. Your Mum still look like
Winston Churchill? That by the way
is my wife.
(PASSING A PHOTO)
You wouldn't like her at first -
sarcastic cow - but eventually
you'd realize she was the best
human being in the world. Which is
why she has left me, of course.
THEY REACH THE ROOM. A SMALL BUT PRETTY ATTIC ROOM, WITH
SLOPED CEILINGS.

HARRY (CONT’D)
Here we go. Try not to make too
much noise - particularly when
having sex.
TIM
No chance of that.

HARRY LOOKS AT HIM SCORNFULLY.

HARRY
Christ. Two losers in one house.
HE LEAVES, PASSING A PICTURE OF A PRETTY GIRL ON THE WALL.

HARRY (CONT’D)
That’s my daughter. Have sex with
her if you like. Apparently
everyone else has.

25 INT. HARRY'S HOUSE. MORNING. 25

NEXT MORNING TIM CREEPS DOWN, DRESSED IN A SUIT. HE GLIMPSES

HARRY - ASLEEP ON A COUCH WITH THE TV STILL ON, STILL DRESSED
- AND THEN HEADS OUT THE DOOR.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 20.

26 INT. LEGAL CHAMBERS. DAY. 26

TIM (V.O.)
And so I began my adventures in the
legal trade.

TIM ARRIVING AT HIS LEGAL CHAMBERS - QUIET, GRAND, FORMAL.

TIM (V.O.)
It's a strange world, full of very
strange people, both nice...

IN HIS OFFICE, WE SEE HIS CHAOTIC SWEET NERVOUS CO-WORKER.

RORY
Hello. I’m Rory. Very pleased to
meet you. A real thrill. Who knows -
we might become, you know... pals
etc.

TIM (V.O.)
And nasty.
AND HIS NASTY ARROGANT BOSS ENTERS, TAVERNER QC

TAVERNER QC
Who the hell are you?

TIM
I’m Tim Lake.
TAVERNER QC
Well, I hope you’re better than
this clown.... Come on, Roger.
RORY
It's Rory actually. I’ve been here
a year. And a half.
(TO TIM)
Only saying that to be nice - it’s
two years actually.
HE EXITS FULL OF TERROR, PULLING A DESPERATE FACE AT TIM.

TIM (V.O.)
There are lots of things that time
travel can’t help with. On the
other hand - it’s extremely helpful
in actual exams.

27 INT. EXAM HALL. DAY. 27

TIM IN A HUGE HALL WITH A THOUSAND OTHER STUDENTS. TURNING

OVER AND READING AN EXAM PAPER. HE LOOKS UTTERLY FLUMMOXED
TOWARDS RORY, WHO IS FLUMMOXED TOO. TIM RAISES HIS HAND.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 21.

28 INT. EXAM TOILET. DAY. 28

CUT TO TIM IN A TOILET COMPARTMENT - HE CLENCHES HIS FISTS.

29 INT. TIM’S ATTIC ROOM. DAY. 29

BACK TO HIM LOOKING UP SOMETHING SPECIFIC IN A BOOK IN HIS
ATTIC ROOM.

30 INT. EXAM HALL. DAY. 30

AND BACK AGAIN, TO THE MOMENT OF TURNING OVER THE PAPER, AND
THIS TIME TIM LOOKS QUITE CONFIDENT - WITH A HAPPY THUMBS UP
TO DESPAIRING RORY.

TIM (V.O.)
For a while I tried to sublimate my
search for love to getting a proper
job - though it's not easy. Come
exams, the girls all look like Kate
Middleton. But I still just looked
like me.

ALL THE GIRLS LOVELY IN THEIR EXAM DRESSES. TIM GLIMPSES

HIMSELF IN A MIRROR, UNPROMISING IN A BADLY FITTING SUIT.

31 INT. HARRY'S HOUSE. NIGHT. 31

TIM ARRIVES HOME ON THE NIGHT OF THE EXAMS - HARRY IS AT WORK
AT THE KITCHEN TABLE. NOT A WORD EXCHANGED AS TIM PASSES, BUT
JUST AS HE STARTS TO HEAD UP THE STAIRS...
HARRY
First night of my play Thursday -
do you want to come?
TIM
Do you know - I'd love to - but
I've got a date.
HARRY
Really? A girl at last? The sad
virgin's rocks finally get offed.
TIM
No. It's a friend coming up from
home. Male.
HARRY
Urgh. Ditch the pervert.
TIM
Yes, I’d like to, but it's his
birthday.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 22.

HARRY
Please yourself. Anyway - the
play's total crap - you're better
off out of it.

TIM
I bet it’s not.
HARRY
Don’t patronise me. I know shit
when I see it. And when I write it.

32 EXT. LONDON STREET. EVE. 32

OUT IN THE STREET WITH HIS FRIEND CALLED JAY, THE OVER-
CONFIDENT BAD DANCER IN THE FIRST PARTY. HE IS EXUBERANTLY
SELF-ASSURED, BUT IN A SELF-MOCKING WAY.
JAY
It's going to be weird to the max -
but it's going to be mighty. This
is a birthday dinner you will never
forget. The Jayman does it again
for tiny Tim and his tiny todge.

TIM
No lights at all?

JAY
None - the waiters are - wait for
it - blind.

TIM
You are fucking kidding me.

JAY
I am fucking kidding you not. As
bats! As bats!

33 INT. ‘DANS LE NOIR’ RESTAURANT. NIGHT. 33

THE MOODILY LIT FRONT DESK AT “DANS LE NOIR”. A DARKENED
CORRIDOR HEADS DOWN TOWARDS THE PITCH DARK RESTAURANT.
MAITRE D
Julian will show you to your table.

JAY
Lead on, maestro.
JAY PULLS A FACE AS A BLIND WAITER APPROACHES...
THEY HEAD ALONG THE CORRIDOR, RIGHT HAND ON THE SHOULDER OF
THE LEADING WAITER. WHEN THEY ARRIVE IN THE DINING ROOM IT IS
PITCH DARK. THE SCREEN IS PITCH DARK - ALL YOU CAN SEE IS A
CLOCK THAT APPEARS IN THE CORNER - 8.15 P.M.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 23.

TIM
I'll go for the meat menu, thank
you.

JAY
Give me the fish, Juliano. God, I
wish you had breasts, Timmo, no-one
would see a damn thing. I could
fondle you the whole meal.

34 8.46 PM 34

AMONGST THE CLATTERING OF PLATES, RIGHT THERE...

JULIAN
Excuse me, gentlemen, do you mind
if these young ladies sit beside
you - it is the only spare table.

JAY
No, please do. Our honour and
delight. Ladies, asseyez-vous.

JOANNA
Hello, gorgeous.
A VERY CONFIDENT VOICE.

JAY
And hello to you - it's my birthday
and I'm very handsome.

TIM
(EMBARRASSED)
O Christ.

THEN, MAGICALLY, A SECOND, GENTLE VOICE. RIGHT IN HIS EAR...

MARY
Hi.
TIM
O Hello. I'm Tim.

JOANNA AND JAY IMMEDIATELY LAUNCH INTO THEIR OWN CONFIDENT

FLIRTATIOUS DIALOGUE, AS MARY AND TIM TALK...

MARY
I'm Mary.
TIM
O. That's my mother's name.
MARY
Is that bad?

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 24.

TIM
What do you mean?
MARY
Well, I don't know, but I would've
thought that was quite bad -
because no-one wants to sleep with
their mother - so if someone's got
your mother's name, that's got to
be an initial turn off, initially.
TIM
That's never occurred to me.

MARY
No. Well, good. It'd be worse if I
looked like your mother. Unless
your mother's very beautiful.
TIM
She's not. She’s rectangular.

MARY
Good. Or bad - for your Dad. I'm
sorry for your Dad, but glad for
you - and me, as it were.
LITTLE AWKWARD PAUSE.

TIM
How do you think the conversation
is going?

MARY
Really badly. Can we start again?

9.15 PM

LOUD CONVERSATION FROM THE OTHER TWO.

MARY (CONT’D)
Jay is quite... enthusiastic.
TIM
I actually hate him. What's Joanna
like?
MARY
Basically she's a prostitute.

TIM LAUGHS. SOMETHING IS HAPPENING.

9.45 PM
TIM
I think it's strawberry mousse. Do
you want to try it?

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 25.

MARY
Okay.
TIM
Where's your mouth?

MARY
Here...

TIM
There?

MARY
No, that's my nose, unfortunately.
9.53 PM

JAY
Okay, girls - be honest - who's
more beautiful?

MARY/JOANNA
She is / I am

JAY
Excellent. And I'm blindingly
handsome - Tim's better seen
through a haze of alcohol.

AND HE GOES BACK TO DOMINATING JOANNA WITH NOISY ANECDOTES.

MARY
Actually, I look like Kate Moss.

TIM
Really?

MARY
No. I look a bit like a mouse.
TIM
You like Kate Moss?
MARY
I've loved her all my life.
Seriously. I'm actually wearing one
of her dresses. You?

TIM
No, her stuff doesn't look good on
me.
MARY
No, what do you think of her?

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 26.

TIM
O - yeah - very pretty - though, I
wish she looked a bit more like a
mouse.

AND SHE LAUGHS AT HIM. IT'S PROBABLY LOVE.

35 EXT. ‘DANS LE NOIR’ RESTAURANT. NIGHT. 35

CUT OUTSIDE. THE TWO BOYS HAVE THEIR COATS ON.

JAY
O my God - o my God - I am so in
there. What about you?
TIM
Well, I don't know - but she
sounded...

THE RESTAURANT DOOR OPENS - JAY STRAIGHTENS HIS HAIR ON

PREPARATION FOR POUNCING.
JAY
O my God, here they come...

THE DOOR SWINGS OPEN - THE MOST ROMANTIC LIGHTING... OUT

COMES A VERY PRETTY BROAD FACED GIRL.

JAY (CONT’D)
Joanna?

JOANNA
Jay?
JAY
How wonderful to see you at last.
Do you fancy some kind of clubbing
experience? And then who knows -
sex - possibly marriage...

JOANNA
Sorry - we've got to rush off. But
help me find a cab - then if you
like, I’ll give you my number.
JAY
I like it very much.

CUT TO TIM WHO IS NOW REALLY TENSE. AND THE DOOR SWINGS OPEN.
MARY IS VERY SHY, ALMOST COVERING HER FACE, AWARE OF THE
STRANGENESS OF THE MOMENT - THIS IS THE FIRST TIME THEY ARE
SEEING EACH OTHER. BUT SHE IS JUST GORGEOUS, IN A QUIET,
SWEET WAY.
MARY
Hi.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 27.

TIM
Hi.
A SMILE. IT IS DEFINITELY LOVE.

TIM (CONT’D)
Well... it was lovely meeting you.
MARY
You too.
TIM
Would it be very immoral if I asked
you for your number - just in case,
you know, I ever...
CUT TO THE NUMBER NOW ON HIS PHONE. HE DELIBERATELY SAVES IT -
UNDER THE NAME 'MARY X'.
TIM (CONT’D)
Thanks. Very good to meet you.

MARY
Very good to meet you too.

TIM
If anybody mugs me for my phone, I
will absolutely kill him before he
takes it and your number away.

BIG SMILE. THEY WALK APART, THEN SHE TURNS.

MARY
You really like me?
TIM JUST NODS. AND WALKS AWAY. HIS LIFE TRANSFORMED.

36 INT. HARRY'S HOUSE. NIGHT. 36

ENTERING THE FRONT DOOR - TIM HEARS A HUGE SHOUT FROM THE
KITCHEN - AND THERE’S HARRY WITH HIS HAND CUT ON A GLASS.
TIM
What's the problem?
HARRY
Nothing - just a flesh wound. You
may remember, my play opened
tonight.
TIM
O my God yes - how did it go?
HARRY
Well - it went well - very well -
you could feel in the room a
masterpiece was being unfurled.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 28.

TIM
Really?
HARRY
Really. Until - and this is the
crucial plot point, I think - until
the lead actor had the most massive
freeze in the history of theatre.

TIM
No!

HARRY
Yes. He didn't just forget his
lines. He forgot his lines to an
extent that no actor has ever
forgotten his lines before in the
annals of dramatic art. In the
crucial courtroom scene. The
reviews won't say “Major
Masterpiece Gets Unveiled” -
they'll say “Major Actor Gets
Alzheimers”.

TIM
It's a disaster?
HARRY
Is an understatement. It's a
catastrophe. It's the Titanic of
play openings. No survivors.

PAUSE.

TIM
Okay. I'll see what I can do.

HARRY
What the fuck do you mean ‘what you
can do?’ - what you going to ring
up every critic and offer them a
blow-job if they ignore the fact
that we sat in total silence for
half an hour waiting for a moron to
remember ONE LINE.
TIM
Not quite that.

HE RUNS UPSTAIRS AND STANDS IN HIS ROOM, FISTS CLENCHED.

37 EXT/INT. ROYAL COURT THEATRE. NIGHT. 37

FRONT OF THE ROYAL COURT THEATRE - HARRY TOTALLY IN HIS
ELEMENT. MUCH FIRST NIGHT EXCITEMENT. THE PLAY IS CALLED “A
GUILTY MAN”.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 29.

CRITIC
So what's it like, Harry?
HARRY
Masterpiece, I'm told.

TIM
I'm just popping off for a minute.

CUT TO TIM IN FRONT OF A BOARD BACKSTAGE WHERE THERE ARE

PICTURES OF ALL THE CAST. SPOTS THE PHOTO OF THE OLD BLOKE
WHO MUST BE THE LINE-FORGETTING CULPRIT.

KNOCKS ON HIS DOOR. A GRAND OLD ACTOR OPENS THE DOOR.

TIM (CONT’D)
Hello, I'm a friend of Harry's.
SIR JOHN
Yes, I'm afraid I'm rather busy at
the moment.

TIM
Yes, I appreciate that. It's just,
I thought - ahm, how's it going
with the lines?
SIR JOHN
'The lines' - what do you mean 'the
lines'?
TIM
It's just - you know - in the court
scene - some of those lines are
pretty complex - I thought it might
be worth just, you know, having one
last look at the lines before you
go on - a little refresher...
SIR JOHN
Get the fuck out of here, you
sodding lunatic.
TIM IS HUSTLED OUT. BUT SIR JOHN DOES INDEED PICK UP THE
SCRIPT AS HE TURNS BACK TO FINISH HIS MAKE-UP.
CUT INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE PLAY.

JUDGE
And now - the Defence.
SIR JOHN STANDS. HUGE LONG PAUSE. BUT IT TURNS OUT TO BE
TACTICAL AND HE STARTS A TOUR DE FORCE IN DEFENCE OF A
SOLDIER ACCUSED OF DESERTION.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 30.

SIR JOHN
I have been alive many weary years -
but never, in that long catalogue
of wasted time, have I ever seen
such an atrocious miscarriage of
justice...
HARRY IS VERY HAPPY. TIM IS VERY SATISFIED WITH HIS ACTIONS.
CUT ON TO THE END OF THE SPEECH
SIR JOHN (CONT’D)
I rest my case.

THE AUDIENCE ACTUALLY APPLAUDS THIS TOUR DE FORCE. TIM

APPLAUDS LOUDEST, LOOKING ROUND, UTTERLY DELIGHTED.
JUDGE
Do the Prosecution have anything
final to add?

A SLIGHTLY YOUNGER ACTOR - 55 - STANDS. ANOTHER LONG PAUSE.

THAT NEVER ENDS. A PROMPT COMES FROM OFF.
PROMPTER
Gentlemen...

FORGETFUL ACTOR
Gentlemen...

NO USE... THE PROMPTER TRIES MORE...

PROMPTER
Gentlemen, I regard today’s
proceedings...
FORGETFUL ACTOR
Yes, yes - Gentlemen, I regard
today’s proceedings...
BUT THAT’S IT - HE THEN FORGETS UTTERLY. SIR JOHN STANDS TO
TRY TO HELP...
SIR JOHN
Does my honourable friend mean to
say that he regards today’s
proceedings with the utmost
gravity? All the more so because a
man's life is at stake?

FORGETFUL ACTOR
Yes. I do.
BUT IT’S GONE AGAIN...
PROMPTER
Nevertheless...

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 31.

FORGETFUL ACTOR
Nevertheless.
(HUGE PAUSE)
No, it's gone.

SOMEONE RUNS ON AND HANDS HIM A BOOK. IN THE FLURRY, HE LOSES

HIS PLACE IN THE SCRIPT. JUST CAN'T FIND IT...
VOICE (O/S)
Page 57.
FORGETFUL ACTOR
Thank you...

AUDIENCE REACTIONS OF HORROR. SUDDENLY TIM GETS UP AND HEADS

OUT ALONG HIS ROW....

TIM
Excuse me, excuse me...

CUT TO TIM IN THE TOILET OF THE THEATRE, HIS FISTS CLENCHED.

CUT BACK TO THE MOMENT OF DISASTER.

JUDGE
Do the Prosecution have anything
final to add?

THE FORGETFUL ACTOR STANDS. BUT IT'S THE SAME PAUSE. AT FIRST
DRAMATIC, THEN WORRYING.

CUT TO HARRY IN HIS SEAT. HE KNOWS SOMETHING IS WRONG. WE

SORT OF NOTICE THAT TIM DOESN'T SEEM TO BE IN HIS SEAT.
BACK ON STAGE WITH THE ACTOR. TOTAL FEAR IN HIS EYES. THE
OTHER ACTORS NERVOUS AROUND HIM.

THEN HE HEARS A COUGH. IT REGISTERS IN HIS EYES. THEN A

'PSST' - AND HE LOOKS OFF STAGE FOR A MOMENT - AND THERE,
STANDING IN THE WINGS, CARRYING HUGE CARDBOARD CUE CARDS,
WITH THE SPEECH WRITTEN IN BLACK FELT PEN, IS TIM.
JUST IN TIME - BEFORE IT REALLY IS A NOTICEABLE DRY - THE
ACTOR BEGINS TO SPEAK. SPEAK, AND READ, THAT IS - WEAVING HIS
MOVEMENTS AND PACE TO FACE TIM AND GIVE HIM TIME TO FLIP THE
CARDS. IT'S A CRACKING SPEECH.

FORGETFUL ACTOR
Gentlemen. I regard today's
proceedings with utmost gravity.
All the more so because a man's
life is at stake. Nevertheless let
us be clear of one thing - it is
the life of A Guilty Man...

CUT TO THE END OF THE PLAY. HUGE APPLAUSE. STANDING OVATION -

THE ACTOR WHO DRIED LOOKS PARTICULARLY SUPERCILIOUS.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 32.

THE AUDIENCE TURNS TO HARRY WHO COULDN'T BE MORE SCORNFUL OF

THE PRAISE. AND DELIGHTED BY IT.
CUT INTO THE BAR AFTERWARDS. HARRY IS THE BLAZING CENTRE OF
ATTENTION. OUTSIDE THE RING OF FANS HE SPOTS TIM.

HARRY
O look - and here's the little
prick who walked out half way
through. You missed the best scene,
you twerp.

TIM WANDERS OFF ALONE. HE TAKES OUT HIS PHONE. GOES TO THE
ADDRESS BOOK, TYPES IN 'M' THEN 'A'. THERE ARE 'MARYS' - BUT
THERE'S NO 'MARY X'. SHE'S BEEN WIPED FROM HIS PAST.
TIM
O no - fuck.

38 EXT. ‘DANS LE NOIR’ RESTAURANT. NIGHT. 38

HOT AND HAVING RUN, TIM'S OUTSIDE “DANS LE NOIR”. HE CHECKS

HIS WATCH. IT'S 10.48.

TIM
Shit. Shit.
(RUSHES IN)
Two girls in earlier tonight - one
of them looked like Kate Moss - the
other one like a sort of nice
prostitute. Do you have their
names?

MAITRE D'
O yes - no, I'm sorry, they were
walk-ins and they paid by cash.
Sorry, sir.
TIM
That’s okay. Just the end of my
life.
UTTER SORROW - TIM WALKS OUT ACCOMPANIED BY A WOEFUL SONG.

39 INT. HARRY'S HOUSE. MORNING. 39

BREAKFAST THE NEXT MORNING. MERRY HARRY, MISERABLE TIM.

HARRY
Cheer up, mate, apparently you're
living with Britain's greatest
living playwright. Don't usually
read them - but couldn't resist
this one. ”Harry Chapman found
Guilty - of genius.”

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 33.

HE THROWS TIM THE REVIEW SECTION OF A SUNDAY PAPER, WITH THAT

HEADLINE. HE LOOKS UP AT HARRY WITH HATE IN HIS EYES. BUT
THEN TIM GLIMPSES AN ADVERT, A REPRODUCTION OF A PHOTO OF
KATE MOSS. IT'S AN EXHIBITION OF MARIO TESTINO PHOTOS OF HER -
LASTS A WEEK.

TIM
I have to go out right now.

40 INT. GALLERY. DAY. 40

CUT TO TIM SITTING WITH A HUGE PICTURE OF KATE MOSS BEHIND

HIM, LOOKING, LOOKING - HE IS SURROUNDED BY THE HUGE ROOMS OF
AN EXHIBITION. CROWDS SPEED PAST, WHILE HE STAYS SITTING.
EVENING FALLS. NOTHING.

AND AGAIN, THE NEXT DAY, TIM IN DIFFERENT CLOTHES. AND AGAIN.
AND AGAIN - KIT KAT’S NOW SITTING WITH HIM. THE SEVENTH DAY.

TIM
Nice of you to keep me company,
Kittle.

KIT KAT
Nothing better to do.
TIM
How's Jimmy?

KIT KAT
Dumped me.

TIM
Not again. And work?

KIT KAT
Sacked me.
TIM
Idiots. Coffee?
KIT KAT
Please. And muffins. I need treats.

HE HEADS OFF, AND WHILE KIT KAT'S WAITING, MARY CASUALLY SITS
DOWN NEXT TO HER FOR A MOMENT, RE-TIES HER SHOE LACE, AND
THEN HEADS OFF. TIM RETURNS.

KIT KAT (CONT’D)

What does she actually look like,
your future wife? Who you met at a
party, and found out she liked Kate
Moss but didn’t find out her
number?

AND SUDDENLY MARY IS ACTUALLY STANDING RIGHT BEHIND THEM.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 34.

TIM
Soft face. Fringe. Bright eyes. The
prettiest girl in the world.

AND THEY WALK OFF IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS.

AND THEN, TOTALLY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE SHOW, HE SUDDENLY

SEES HER.

TIM (CONT’D)
O my God. It's her.

HE CHARGES OVER TOWARDS HER. KIT KAT FOLLOWS BEHIND. HE

SPEAKS FROM BEHIND MARY.
TIM (CONT’D)
Hi.
SHE TURNS. VERY EMPTY LOOK, OF COURSE - HE'S A STRANGER. WITH
A GRINNING SISTER BESIDE HIM, GIVING A FRIENDLY LITTLE WAVE.
GIVES TIM A THUMBS UP - A BIT EMBARRASSING.

MARY
Hello.

TIM
How are you?

MARY
I'm fine.
TIM
Great.

PREGNANT PAUSE.

MARY
We've never met before.
TIM
O no. Fuck. Of course we haven't.
MARY
You must've mistaken me for someone
else.
TIM
Yes. No. No. Your name's Mary.

MARY
That's a bit weird. How do you
know?

TIM
You... look like a Mary.

KIT KAT OBSERVING THIS SCEPTICALLY.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 35.

MARY
In what way?
TIM
Well, my Mum's called Mary.

HE ISN'T DOING WELL - AND KNOWS IT.

MARY
And I look like your mother?
TIM
Not at all. Much prettier.

MARY
Right - well... great meeting you.
Sorry, I've got to go - my friend's
waiting for me.
TIM
Yes. Absolutely.

HE TURNS IN DESPAIR TO KIT KAT.

KIT KAT
Very poor.
TIM
Very poor indeed. But let me handle
it from here.
KIT KAT
Coke-ee-dokee... But, you know, she
looks cute. Two thumbs up from the
English judge.

CUT TO MARY - WITH HER FRIEND JOANNA. TIM REAPPEARS.

TIM
Ahm, me again.

MARY
Hello.

TIM
Hello.
MARY
Joanna, this is..?

TIM
Tim.

JOANNA
Hi.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 36.

TIM
Yes. I just had a weird experience
with Mary here of thinking she was
someone else I knew - but she
wasn't BUT I just wondered if... I
could walk round with you, because
I'm... quite lonely.
MARY
What about the girl you were with?
TIM
My sister. She had to go. Somewhere
interesting. We’re a very
interesting family.
MARY
(TO JOANNA)
We should definitely say 'no'.

JOANNA
Yes - this is dangerous territory.
MARY
All right. You have to promise you
are not one of the following things
- 1/ a lunatic 2/ a stalker 3/
worst of all - a bore.

TIM
No. I'm just a big Kate Moss fan.

MARY
Really? Do you agree the magic of
her lies in her history - the
informality of her early shots,
compared to this stuff, so you
always know, despite the high
fashion, she's still just that same
cheeky normal girl naked on the
beach?
TIM
Yes, I do agree.

41 INT. GALLERY CAFE. DAY. 41

CUT TO THEM TOGETHER AT THE GALLERY CAFÉ.

TIM
Milk?

MARY
Yes.

TIM
Sugar?

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 37.

MARY
No.
TIM
Boyfriend?

MARY
Yes!

TIM
No! You don't have a boyfriend!

MARY
Don't I look like I would have a
boyfriend?
(TO JOANNA)
Do I look like I'd never get a
boyfriend?
TIM
No, no, I don't mean that. It’s
just... I didn't expect - is he -
quite a new boyfriend?

MARY
Yes. In fact - Rupert - over here.
TIM
(TO HIMSELF)
Rupert?
A RATHER GROOVY, GOOD LOOKING YOUNG MAN APPROACHES.

RUPERT
Hi - sorry I'm late - with my Dad -
he's very needy with Mum... gone.

HE LEANS AND KISSES HER. THE JOY OF NEW BOY AND GIRLFRIEND.
MARY
This is Tim.
TIM IS HATING THIS.

RUPERT
How's the exhibition?
MARY
Gorgeous - she’s so beautiful.

RUPERT
Never got it really. Not my type.

THIS DOESN'T GO DOWN WELL WITH TIM.

TIM
Who is your type then?

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 38.

RUPERT
Her, obviously.
TIM PULLS A FACE AT THAT. THEN A THOUGHT OCCURS...

TIM
So tell me, when did you two meet?
RUPERT
Only a week ago actually. It's been
a bit of a whirlwind, hasn't it,
poochy face?

THAT'S EVEN WORSE. BILE GATHERING IN TIM'S THROAT.

MARY
I'm going to have to teach you what
you can and can't say in front of
people.

RUPERT
'Poochy face' out?
MARY
Definitely out. And don’t even
think about 'fuckbucket'.
RUPERT
I would never call you
'fuckbucket'.
MARY
Good.

TIM AMUSED, THOUGH IT HURTS...

TIM
So, come on, more details. About
the wonderful first meeting.
RUPERT
Well, okay, it was, what, a week
ago - your birthday, Joanna...

JOANNA
June 10.
RUPERT
And Jo was having a little party.

TIM
Where?

JOANNA
My flat.

TIM
Which is where?

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 39.

MARY
What are you - a detective?
TIM
No, no - I just have a very visual
imagination - I like to, you know,
imagine stuff completely.
JOANNA
Meard Street, W 11 - 8.30 at night -
will that do?

TIM
Absolutely. Excuse me - sorry -
I've now suddenly got a bit of a
tummy ache - watch out for those
muffins - I'll be back in a tick.
HE LITERALLY SPRINTS TO A TOILET, GOES IN, CLENCHES HIS
FIST...

42 EXT. MEARD STREET. NIGHT. 42

ARRIVING AT MEARD STREET IN A CAB, TIM SEES BOYFRIEND RUPERT

GETTING OUT OF A CAB WITH FOUR OTHER YOUNG MEN.
TIM
O god - I should have thought this
through. Erm... Rupert!
RUPERT
Yes...

TIM
Hello.

RUPERT
Can I help?
SOMETHING A BIT NASTY POSH ABOUT HIM NOW HE'S NOT WITH MARY.
TIM
Yes - ahm - ahm - it's about your
father.
RUPERT
My father?

TIM
Yes - ahm - I'm afraid he's in real
trouble.

RUPERT
What kind of trouble?

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 40.

TIM
Well, I'm not at liberty to reveal
that - but my strong advice would
be that you go to see him straight
away.

RUPERT TAKES OUT HIS PHONE. TIM HAS TO ACT FAST.

TIM (CONT’D)
But don't ring him first.
RUPERT
Why?

TIM
He's not at liberty to make or
receive phone calls, I'm afraid.
RUPERT
I'm sorry - but who are you? -
because there is a scenario here
where you're a random lunatic.
TIM
Right.
(DRAWS BREATH)
Well then let me explain the actual
scenario. I'm a plain clothes
policeman and I'm doing you a
fucking favour because I know how
badly these things can affect the
kids - so, risking my career, I'm
telling you to move your posh arse
in the direction of Paddington
Police station. You weren't your
Dad's one phone call because he
called his lawyer because he
doesn't want to rot in jail for 50
years - but now he desperately
needs a friend - and my sources
tell me you may be the only member
of the family left, with your
mother... gone. But, of course, you
could just go get drunk instead,
and leave him to suffer - miserably
- alone - forever.
RUPERT LOOKS AT HIM.

RUPERT
Paddington Police Station?
TIM
Yes.
RUPERT
Where's that?

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 41.

PAUSE
TIM
Paddington. Obviously.

A FRIEND COMES BACK OUT TO THE STEPS.

FRIEND
What the hell's going on, Rupe?
RUPERT LOOKS AT TIM WHO SHAKES HIS HEAD - 'DON'T BLAB'.

RUPERT
It's okay. Nothing. I'll be back in
an hour. Save me a drink.
THAT ‘BACK IN AN HOUR’ WORRIES TIM A BIT.
RUPERT (CONT’D)
I suppose I should say ‘thank you’.

TIM
Just doing my job, friend.

A CAB FLIES BY - RUPERT HAILS IT. CUT INSIDE THE CAB.

RUPERT
Paddington Police Station.

CABBIE
Where's that?

RUPERT
Paddington. Obviously.

43 INT. MEARD STREET PARTY. NIGHT. 43

TIM CHARGES INTO THE PARTY AND GOES STRAIGHT UP TO MARY.

TIM
Hi. I’m Tim.
MARY
Mary.
TIM
My mother's name. But let’s not get
into that. You wouldn't like to
come out to dinner with me, would
you? Sometime in the next... hour.
MARY
That’s my friend Joanna over there -
she’s much prettier than me -
shouldn’t you hit on her first?

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 42.

TIM
No, I like the look of you more.
MARY
Easier to get?

TIM
No. Just generally preferable.

MARY
Okay - I might come, if you’re not
crazy. Which you now have to prove.

TIM
Well, let's talk about Kate Moss.
MARY
I actually like Kate Moss.
TIM
I always think the key thing about
her is the history. We all remember
those fantastic pictures of her as
a young school girl on a beach, so
that even now, beneath all the
glamour, we still see the wonderful
young, impish amateur.

MARY
(AMAZED)
That is exactly right.

CUT TO THEM HEADING OUT THE DOOR AND HAILING A CAB - JUST AS
RUPERT'S CAB COMES AND RUPERT JUMPS OUT, FUMING.

44 INT. GREEK RESTAURANT. NIGHT. 44

TIM AND MARY IN AN AVERAGE GREEK RESTAURANT.

TIM
So - what do you do?
MARY
I'm a reader at a publisher.
TIM
No! You read for a living.

MARY
(SENSING HIS IRONY)
Yes - that's it. I read.

TIM
That’s so great - the rest of us,
we just read, you know newspapers,
books - but you, you get paid for
it.
(MORE)

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 43.
TIM (CONT'D)
It's like someone asking, 'what do
you do for a living?' - 'I breath,
I'm a breather. I get paid for
breathing'. How did you get that
job?

MARY
Okay - what do you do, smartarse?

TIM
I'm a lawyer. Sort of.

PAUSE.

MARY
Sexy.

TIM
(GENUINELY SURPRISED)
Is it?

MARY
I think so - in a suit, in a court
saving people's lives - that's
quite sexy, isn't it?

TIM
Yes, I guess it is. But not as sexy
as reading. Sitting there, in your
office, in a little chair -
reading.

MARY
Wait right there, mister. A lot of
books get submitted to the
publisher I work for, and it’s my
responsibility to find out if any
of them are masterpieces. No-one
ever forgets the PWTDJKRALB.
TIM
What's that?
MARY
The People Who Turned Down JK
Rowling And Lost Billions.
TIM
Of course. Scary...

MARY
Exactly. So it's an IMMENSE
responsibility.
TIM
I bet it is. And does this mean
when you’re doing normal reading,
it's ruined, because it's your job?
(MORE)

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 44.
TIM (CONT'D)
Like prostitutes. I always worry
that when they stop being
prostitutes, they can't enjoy sex
any more.

MARY
You always worry about that?
TIM
No, I sometimes worry about it.

MARY
Good - because someone who always
worried about that would be a
worry.
TIM
Right - but, when you read a
newspaper, do you think, “o fuck
this - it's work”? Or a menu - 'I'm
not reading this unless you pay me
hard cash...”

THEY ARE COMPLETELY ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH...

45 INT. MARY’S HALLWAY/FLAT. NIGHT. 45

THE HALLWAY OF HER FLAT. TINY CORRIDOR, THEY ARE SQUEEZED

CLOSE TOGETHER IN THE LIGHT COMING THROUGH THE GLASS WINDOW
ABOVE THE TATTY DOOR.

MARY
I'm going to go into the bedroom
and put on my pyjamas.

TIM
Right.

MARY
In about a minute, you can come in
and take them off.

HE WALKS IN - SHE IS SITTING ON THE EDGE OF THE BED, WEARING

BLUE PYJAMAS. HE COMES TOWARDS THE BED, TRIPS OVER HER SHOES,
GATHERS HIMSELF - AND TAKES OFF HER PYJAMA TOP.

UNDERNEATH IS HER BRA. HE REACHES ROUND TO TAKE IT OFF, BUT

IT’S NOT EASY - LOTS OF UNHAPPY FINGERS.

MARY (CONT’D)
It’s a front opener.
TIM
O yes - of course. Thanks.

THEY BEGIN TO KISS - THE CAMERA MOVES DISCREETLY AWAY FROM

THEM - AND BACK AGAIN. SEX IS ALL OVER.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 45.

TIM (CONT’D)
Sorry. I'm sure it'll be better
second time.

MARY
I thought it was pretty lovely.
TIM
Well, right, yes, it was lovely.
Just give me... one minute.
MARY
Ah yes - man things...

HE WALKS OUT - AND WALKS BACK IN AGAIN, FIVE MINUTES EARLIER -

SHE IS SITTING ON THE BED WEARING HER BLUE PYJAMAS AGAIN. HE
COMES TOWARDS THE BED, AVOIDS HER SHOES, SITS DOWN - AND
REMOVES HER PYJAMA TOP... HE REACHES FOR THE FRONT OF HER BRA
- AND WITH A PRACTISED FLICK UNDOES IT.

MARY (CONT’D)
Wow. You know your bras.
TIM
I like to think so.

AGAIN THEY KISS - AGAIN THE CAMERA GOES UP AND COMES BACK
DOWN. THIS TIME ON RETURN, THE BED LOOKS MESSIER.

MARY
Wow. Well done - some guys make the
most awful mess of it first time.

TIM
Pah - amateurs. Could you... excuse
me just one second...

CUT TO HIM RE-ENTERING THE ROOM, NOW TAKING OFF HIS TOP AS HE
APPROACHES THE BED AND THEN REMOVES HER PYJAMA TOP...
CUT TO THEM LYING IN BED TOGETHER. THEY ARE SPLAYED OUT AND
COMPLETELY SATISFIED.
MARY
It's like we've been together
forever...
TIM
If only. Best night of my adult
life...
CUT ON - AND OFF COMES HER PYJAMA TOP AGAIN.

CUT TO THEM IN BED AGAIN. THEY ARE UTTERLY EXHAUSTED.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 46.

TIM (CONT’D)
Best night of my entire life. And
now I've got a suspicion I'm going
to have the best sleep of my life.

MARY
O really. So my perfect man is a
typical man after all. Once is
always enough.
TIM
I'm not sure that's completely
fair.

MARY
Just one more little kiss.

TIM
It's 4 in the morning.

MARY
Perfect.

46 INT. MARY’S ROOM. MORNING. 46

THE NEXT MORNING. TOGETHER THEY’RE HEADING DOWN THE ESCALATOR

IN AN UNDERGROUND. THE FOLKSY ROMANTICISM OF 'HOW LONG WILL I
LOVE YOU?' PLAYS. THEY PASS THE BUSKERS PLAYING IT...

BUSKERS
How long will I love you?
As long as stars are above you
And longer if I can...
AND AS THE SONG PLAYS, WE SEE THE NEXT SIX MONTHS OF THEIR
RELATIONSHIP, IN THEIR COMINGS AND GOINGS IN THE TUBE - THE
BAND JUST PLAY THE SONG ONCE - BUT WE SEE THINGS LIKE THESE,
MOVING THROUGH SEASONAL CLOTHES...
1/ MARY AND TIM ARE BOTH RETURNING FROM WORK - AND HAPPEN TO
MEET IN FRONT OF THE BAND AND KISS.
2/ IT IS LATE AT NIGHT - THEY ARE COMING HOME - SHE IS ON
HIS SHOULDERS, FAST ASLEEP.
3/ THEY CAN'T RESIST THE MUSIC - AND HAVE A LITTLE DANCE
TOGETHER.

4/ THEY SIT WAITING FOR A TRAIN - WITH KIT KAT IN BETWEEN

THEM - AFTER A TINY PAUSE - SHE JUST TURNS AND HUGS MARY.
5/ THE TWO OF THE THEM RETURNING FROM A LADY GAGA CONCERT -
THEY BOTH WEAR GAGA T-SHIRTS - THEN, FOLLOWING, KIT KAT IN
ABSOLUTE FULL COSTUME, HUGE HAT, HUGE SHOES.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 47.

6/ RUSHING, REALLY LATE, THEY SPLIT ONTO SEPARATE PLATFORMS

- MARY MISSES THE TRAIN - ‘FUCK FUCK FUCK’. TIM SEES, AND
LAUGHS.

7/ BOTH IN FULL ANIMAL COSTUMES FOR A FANCY DRESS PARTY -

ONE BIG SOFT RABBIT, ONE DALMATION.
8/ BOTH IN A BIT OF A RUSH - TINY PECK ON THE CHEEK AND THEY
HEAD OUT OF SHOT. THEN BOTH OF THEM COME BACK - AND HAVE A
PROPER KISS. THEY NOTICE THEY ARE BEING WATCHED BY THE
BUSKERS - AND TIM THROWS THEM A COIN. SHE PULLS A FACE,
REACHES INTO HIS BACK POCKET - AND GIVES THEM A 20 QUID NOTE.

47 INT. MARY’S FLAT. MORNING. 47

CASUAL SATURDAY MORNING ATMOSPHERE IN THE FLAT...
MARY
I’ve got some bad news.

TIM
How bad?

MARY
Very bad.
TIM
You’re dying?

MARY
Not that bad?

TIM
I’m dying?

MARY
No. My parents are dropping round.
TIM
O God. No. When?
MARY
Now.

TIM
Now now?

MARY
Now now.
TIM
Do they know I exist?
MARY
I have mentioned something like you
- but nothing very specific.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 48.

THE DOOR BELL RINGS.

TIM
Do I live here?

MARY
Definitely not.
TIM
Are we having sex?
MARY
Yes, but probably not oral.

TIM
I wasn’t going mention oral.

MARY
Well don’t.

TIM
How did you think that was going to
come up?

MARY
I’m just saying - if it does, deny
it completely.

TIM
Who’s going to bring it up? Your
Dad? “Tim - had any cunnilingus
with my daughter recently?”

MARY OPENS THE DOOR. THERE ARE THE PARENTS.

MARY
Dad. Mum. O, and this is Tim.

TIM
Hello, sir. Ma’am.

MARY’S DAD
Shall we drop back when you haven’t
got company?

MARY
Well, that’s quite tricky - because
Tim sort of lives here.

MARY’S MUM
Really?
TIM
Yes. But no oral sex, I promise
you.

DAD
I beg your pardon.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 49.

TIM
Excuse me.
THE DOOR OPENS AGAIN.

MARY
Dad. Mum. O, and this is Tim.
TIM
Hello, sir.
DAD
Shall we drop back when you haven’t
got company?
MARY
Well, that’s quite tricky - because
Tim sort of lives here.
MUM
Really?

TIM
Yes. But in the spare room.

MARY
There isn’t a spare room.

TIM
No. But in the spare bit of her
room where she isn’t. In other
words - no sex. Of any kind.
Especially not...

MARY
Coffee anyone? It’s a great morning
drink.

AS SHE TURNS SHE PULLS A FACE AT TIM - EVEN WHEN HE FUCKS UP,
SHE LOVES HIM AND THEIR LIFE TOGETHER IS GOOD.

48 INT. MARY’S ROOM. NIGHT. 48

BACK IN BED. BOTH LYING THERE.

TIM
I've got tickets for the National
Theatre tomorrow. Do you want to
come?
MARY
So not. I'm just going to sleep all
day.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 50.

TIM
I don't see why going to the
theatre should get in the way of
that. Many of the best sleeps of my
life have happened in the Royal
Shakespeare Company.
MARY
No, take someone else.
TIM
What kind of sad act is going to be
free on a Saturday night with no
day's notice?

49 INT. NATIONAL THEATRE. NIGHT. 49

THE SHOW IS GOING ON AT THE NATIONAL. SHAKESPEARE - 'NAY BUT
THIS DOTAGE OF OUR GENERAL O'ERFLOWS THE MEASURE...' PAN
ALONG AN AUDIENCE ROW - THERE, ABSOLUTELY GRIPPED, IS RORY
FROM THE OFFICE. TIM IS NEXT TO HIM.
THE END OF THE SHOW - TIM AND RORY GET READY TO LEAVE.

TIM
O my God. It's Charlotte.

RORY
Who?
TIM
My first real love.

RORY
Where?

TIM
There.
RORY
The old woman?
TIM
No, not the old woman - the
astonishing blonde.
RORY
The one with dark hair?

TIM
No - blonde - blonde means with
blonde hair.
AND THERE SHE IS, EXQUISITE, MYSTERIOUS, IN THE CROWD.

TIM (CONT’D)
Stay there - I mean it - stay.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 51.

HE MOVES THROUGH THE CROWD TOWARDS HER.

TIM (CONT’D)
Charlotte.

SHE LOOKS AROUND NOT SEEING HIM. HE ALMOST LOSES HIS NERVE,
THEN HAS ONE MORE GO.
TIM (CONT’D)
Charlotte.
CHARLOTTE
O my God - Tim.

SHE GIVES HIM A HUGE, WONDERFUL HUG.

CHARLOTTE (CONT’D)
Fabulous to see you. O - this is my
girlfriend, Tina.

A VERY PRETTY, SHORT-HAIRED, DARK-HAIRED GIRL.

TIM
No!

CHARLOTTE
(PUZZLED)
Yes.

TIM
That is so brilliant - hello Tina.

TINA
Why is it brilliant?
TIM
Well, you know there are certain
moments in your life that scar you
for life - and Charlotte's
rejection of me was one of those
moments - totally screwed up my
self-confidence. But now I know
she's got a... girlfriend that's
suddenly a huge burden off my mind -
I can be a confident heterosexual
all over again.
CHARLOTTE
Not that kind of 'girlfriend'.

PAUSE.
TIM
What?
CHARLOTTE
You think I'm gay?

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 52.

TIM
O. No. Of course. ‘girlfriend’ -
yes. No. Wow. Friend who is a girl.
So - I'm just going to get my boy-
friend - I'm very keen you should
meet him.
AND BACK IN TIME AGAIN - TIM APPROACHES CHARLOTTE.

TIM (CONT’D)
Charlotte.

CHARLOTTE
O my God - Tim. Fabulous to see
you.
(HUGE HUG)
O - this is my girlfriend, Tina.
TIM
Hello, Tina - though you should be
a little careful with that, by the
way. There are still quite a lot of
us old-fashioned types who
interpret 'girlfriend' as sort of
meaning 'gay' so if you say Tina's
your girlfriend, people will assume
you're 'gay'.

TINA
I am gay. Do you have a problem
with that?

PAUSE.

TIM
No, I don't. Love that stuff.

BACK IN THE STALLS - JUST AT THE END OF THE PLAY.

TIM (CONT’D)
Wow - I just saw the girl who broke
my heart three summers ago.
RORY
Let's go say 'hello'.
TIM
No, best let sleeping dogs lie.

50 EXT. NATIONAL THEATRE. NIGHT. 50

CUT TO THEM COMING OUT OF THE THEATRE.
TIM
What did you think of it then?

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 53.

RORY
Brilliant. Best night of my year.
VOICE/OFF
Tim.

AND THERE CHARLOTTE IS AGAIN, IN ALL HER GLORY.

TIM
Charlotte. What a... surprise.
CHARLOTTE
Good to see you.
(SHE GIVES HIM A BIG HUG)
This is my girlfriend Tina...
RORY
(BAD WHISPER)
She's gay!

TIM
Shut up. Hello, Tina.
CHARLOTTE
How great to see you. We're just
off to dinner, but it'd be great
to... hang out sometime.

TIM
Well, yes, great. I'd love that.
CHARLOTTE
Send my love to Kit Kat - how is
she?
TIM
She's fine. She's okay. Not finding
London totally easy...
CHARLOTTE
Jimmy tells me he sees her
sometimes.
TIM
(NOT HAPPY)
Really? Since when?
CHARLOTTE
There was always something there.
And you are?
RORY
Very well, thank you.
TIM
She means your name.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 54.

RORY
Rory. My name's Rory.
CHARLOTTE
Nice to meet you, Rory.

SHE HEADS AWAY

RORY
God she is beautiful. She's so
beautiful if you had sex with her,
you'd die. You'd just die - you'd
open her shirt, you'd see her
breasts, your eyes would explode.
You'd have to have sex with her
blind. And then you’d come. And
then you'd die.
TIM
Yes - but you notice she didn't
give me her number...

THEN SUDDENLY, THERE SHE IS AGAIN.

CHARLOTTE
I told Tina to go have dinner on
her own. You hungry?

TIM
Sod off, Rory.
RORY
Okay - thanks again for the play.
Gripping stuff.
(CONFIDENTIALLY)
You know she's gay.

51 EXT. RESTAURANT. NIGHT. 51

THEY’RE EATING IN A LOVELY OUTSIDE RESTAURANT. LOTS OF
LAUGHING... TIM IS VERY HAPPY TO BE WITH HER.
CHARLOTTE
I’m starting to think we slightly
wasted that summer holiday.
TIM
Ha!

CHARLOTTE
If we could travel back in time,
maybe I wouldn’t have said ‘no’
TIM
You didn’t say ‘no’ - you laughed.
You went ‘ha ha ha’.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 55.

CHARLOTTE LAUGHS.
TIM (CONT’D)
That was it - that was exactly the
sound - the sound of my confidence
dying for a decade.
LITTLE PAUSE.

CHARLOTTE
I’m just staying round the corner.

52 EXT. CHARLOTTE’S HOTEL. NIGHT. 52

THEY'RE OUTSIDE HER HOTEL. CRISP SEDUCTIVE NIGHT AIR.

CHARLOTTE
Do you want to come up?

HE JUST STARES AT HER... UTTERLY BEAUTIFUL.

CHARLOTTE (CONT’D)
Make up for lost time.

PAUSE. HE IS VERY UNDECIDED WHAT DO TO. SHE IS SOOOOO PRETTY.

CHARLOTTE (CONT’D)
So...

TIM
So... so...
(AND HE MAKES UP HIS MIND)
So lovely to see you. Total joy.
What a lovely night. I must get
home - something important I have
to do. Goodbye Charlotte.

A LITTLE KISS ON THE CHEEK - THEN HE TURNS AND SPRINTS AWAY.

53 EXT. LONDON STREETS / UNDERGROUND. NIGHT. 53

AND ABSOLUTELY JUMPS IN THE STREET - OVERJOYED BECAUSE HE'S
NOT HAVING SEX. NO MAN HAS EVER BEEN IN A BIGGER RUSH. HE
SPRINTS ACROSS TRAFALGAR SQUARE, AND RUSHES DOWN TUBE STAIRS.
HE HAS ANTS IN HIS PANTS AS HE WAITS FOR THE TRAIN. HE RUSHES
ON, JOGS IN THE CARRIAGE. WHEN THE TRAIN STOPS, HE GETS OUT -
THEN REALISES HE'S GOT OUT TOO EARLY, AND JUST MANAGES TO
SQUEEZE BACK IN AGAIN.
OUT OF THE UNDERGROUND, HE SPRINTS HOME - HE LITERALLY CAN'T
MOVE FAST ENOUGH - HE LETS HIMSELF INTO MARY'S FLAT.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 56.

54 INT. MARY’S FLAT. NIGHT. 54

THERE MARY IS SLEEPING - HE DIVES ON TOP OF HER. SHE IS
UTTERLY SLEEPY, MASCARA SMUDGED ON HER CHEEKS.

MARY
What?
TIM
Would you like to marry me?
MARY
Sssh - I'm trying to sleep - don't
be so selfish.
TIM
Right. That went well, I think.

55 INT. MARY’S FLAT. MORNING. 55

AT BREAKFAST THE NEXT DAY - TIM SITS AT THE TABLE, REVVING UP

FOR THE BIG MOMENT. MARY CHARGES IN, SO LATE FOR WORK...

MARY
O God, I am SO late.
TIM
Mary.

MARY
Yes.

TIM
I've got something I really need to
ask you.

MARY
Yes - come on - what?
(CHECKING WATCH)
I am so screwed.
TIM
I just wondered if you'd like,
eventually, at some time in the
future... to marry me.
MARY
O my God. Ahm -

SHE LOOKS AT HER WATCH.

Really? You're doing this now?
TIM
Sorry. I'm just popping out for a
second.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 57.

AND HE IS THERE AGAIN ALONE - MARY RUSHES IN LATE AGAIN...

MARY
O God I am so late.

TIM
See you tonight then.
MARY
Yeah.

56 INT. MARY’S FLAT. NIGHT. 56

TIM IN THE KITCHEN WAITING, NERVOUSLY. POISED TO PROPOSE.

MARY
O God - I am exhausted. I’m just
going to jump in the shower.

TIM
(RESIGNED)
Right.

CUT INTO THE BATHROOM. SHE EMERGES FROM THE SHOWER. HE WAITS
DIRECTLY OUTSIDE NERVOUSLY.
TIM (CONT’D)
Mary.

MARY
Hand me another towel, will you?

TIM
Yes. Mary.

MARY
Do you mind if I just have a little
private moment?
TIM
Of course.
(AS HE EXITS, UNDER HIS
BREATH)
Wouldn’t want to ask you to marry
me when you’re just busting for a
wee...

A FEW MINUTES LATER - IN THE BEDROOM.

MARY
Okay. I’m all yours.

TIM
Mary.

AND ON GOES THE HAIR DRYER.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 58.

TIM (CONT’D)
O for Christ’s sake turn that
fucking thing off and...

THIS IS THE MOMENT SHE TURNS IT OFF.

...tell me whether you want to

marry me or not?

MARY
I’m sorry? Was that a marriage
proposal?

TIM
Yes.
MARY
Not a very romantic one.
TIM
No. You want more romantic?

MARY
Maybe just a little bit more
romantic than “turn that fucking
thing off and tell me if you want
to marry me or not.” But, no, it
has a certain rough charm...

TIM
I’ll be back in a minute.

BACK TO HER IN THE SHOWER. HE OPENS THE CURTAIN.

TIM (CONT’D)
I think we should go out to dinner.

57 EXT/INT. PETERSHAM NURSERIES. DAY. 57

CUT TO AFTER DINNER. WE SEE THE RESTAURANT - A JAZZ BAND
PLAYING. THE CAMERA MOVES AND FINDS TIM AND MARY WALKING IN
THE GROUNDS - DARK, SHADOWY, BUT BEAUTIFUL.

TIM
Isn't this gorgeous?
MARY
Yes - and a bit dangerous and I'm
getting a bit cold. Shall we go
back in?
TIM
Just give me a moment...
CUT TO TIM AT THE RECEPTION DESK WITH THE MANAGER. HE IS
WORKING TOWARDS THE PERFECT PROPOSAL.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 59.

TIM (CONT’D)
We’re going out for a walk - do you
think you could turn on the lights
in the garden?

MANAGER
Of course, sir.
TIM
And can I borrow a couple of coats?
CUT TO MARY AND TIM OUTSIDE AGAIN. IT REALLY IS MAGICAL NOW -
GORGEOUS GARDENS, WITH WHAT SEEMS TO BE OLD RUINS, LITTLE
STONE SEATS, LOVELY LIGHTING - AND MARY NOW IN A LOVELY RED
COAT. TIM IN AN OLD COUNTRY COAT.
TIM (CONT’D)
This is pretty gorgeous, isn't it?
MARY
Gorgeous. Very romantic.

TIM
God - what's this? There’s
something in the pocket of the
coat...
MARY
What?

TIM
Let's see. Here have a look...

HE TAKES OUT A LITTLE BOX, SHE OPENS IT - IT’S AN ENGAGEMENT

RING.

MARY
O my God. Is this a proposal?
TIM SMILES AND NODS.

MARY (CONT’D)
In a garden, under an arch, in the
moonlight - could it be any more
romantic?
TIM
Well, actually - give me a minute.

CUT BACK TO THE GARDEN A MINUTE EARLIER - LIGHTS, COATS,

EVERYTHING PERFECT. SHE OPENS THE BOX - IT IS AN ENGAGEMENT
RING.

MARY
O my God. Is this a proposal? In a
floodlit garden, under an arch -
could it be any more romantic?

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 60.

TIM
Well, actually...
HE FLICKS HIS FINGERS - AND THERE IN A LIGHT, UNDER A MARBLE
ARCH, ARE THE RESTAURANT JAZZ COMBO... AND THEY LAUNCH
STRAIGHT INTO 'MY FUNNY VALENTINE'.
MARY
Slightly weird song for the
occasion - ‘your looks are
laughable, unphotographable’ .

TIM CLICKS AGAIN - THIS TIME THEY PLAY 'WHEN I FALL IN LOVE'.
HE IS ON HIS KNEES. SHE LOOKS DOWN AT HIM.
MARY (CONT’D)
Honestly, you should have just
asked me one night in bed.
TIM
Don’t think I didn’t try. Any
thoughts about the answer? 'Yes' /
‘No’ / 'Maybe' all possible.

PAUSE.

MARY
I think I'll go for 'yes’. Thanks
for asking. Particularly cool since
I'm actually pregnant.
TIM
No!

MARY
Yes. I'm going to be full of
surprises, honey.

58 EXT. FAMILY HOME. DAY. 58

OUTSIDE THE DOOR OF THE FAMILY HOME. MARY’S A BIT NERVOUS.

TIM
Most important - if they offer you
a cup of tea - just say 'no'.
(HIS MOTHER OPENS THE
DOOR)
Mum - this is Mary.

MUM
Mary - pleased to meet you at last.
Good lord, you're pretty.
MARY
Don't be stupid. It’s all just
mascara and lipstick.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 61.

MUM
Let's have a look... O yes - good -
lots of mascara - and very nice
lipstick. It's very bad for a girl
to be too pretty. Stops her
developing a sense of humour, or a
personality. Tea?
MARY
I'd love a cup of tea.
TIM
O Christ, that's the whole day
gone.

59 EXT. BEACH. DAY. 59

DURING THE TRADITIONAL TEA ON THE BEACH...

TIM
What happened when Dad asked you to
marry him?

MUM
O, it was so romantic - I mean
really extraordinary, very unlike
your father. The sunniest day -
music was playing - and a little
child came running up and gave me a
rose just after he asked me.

TIM
Really - how lovely - how lucky,
Dad.

DAD
(WITH A TWINKLE)
Very lucky.

60 INT. DAD’S STUDY. DAY. 60

LATER TIM IS LEAFING THROUGH HIS FATHER'S COLLECTION OF
SINGLES AND ALBUMS... LOTS OF FABULOUS SIXTIES SLEEVES. JUST
CASUAL CONVERSATION.
TIM
How many times?

DAD
What?

TIM
Did you do the proposal to Mum.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 62.

DAD
O God - I mean, 10. Took a
fortnight.

TIM
O look! I'd forgotten this. My God -
Jimmy Fontana.
(AN OLD ITALIAN RECORD)

DAD
Greatest song ever recorded by an
Italian who looks like he has a
dead badger on his head.

61 EXT. GARDEN. DAY 61

MUM WALKING ALONG TALKING TO MARY.

MUM
And what are your faults?

MARY
Insecure.

MUM
Sweet.

MARY
Bad temper sometimes.
MUM
Crucial. How else are you going to
get people to do what you want?
MARY
And I can’t hold my drink.

MUM
That’s fun.

MARY
Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
Sometimes I sing, which is the
‘yes’, but sometimes I just fall
asleep - that’s the ‘no’.
MUM
I hope we get lucky tonight.

62 INT. LIVING ROOM. 62

MARY IS STANDING IN FRONT ALL THEM ALL. SINGING ADELE’S

“SOMEONE LIKE YOU” BOISTEROUSLY.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 63.

MARY
“I heard that you’re settled down,
That you found a girl, and you’re
married now,
I heard your dream came true...”

DAD
(TO TIM )
We love this girl...

63 INT. GAMES ROOM. NIGHT. 63

TIM AND HIS DAD IN THE TABLE TENNIS ROOM. THEIR PLACE. DAD IS
JUST POISED TO SERVE...
DAD
Where’s Mary?
TIM
Fast asleep.

DAD
Sweet. Right -
(TV COMMENTING)
And what an extraordinary game this
is - for the first time a father
and son are playing each other in
the World Table Tennis final - and
neither of them are Chinese.
Tremendous play by the old world
champion and his son, the first
openly gay British ping-pong
player. But it feels like the
youngster's beginning to crack -
there are tears in his eyes...

TIM
There are not.
DAD
There soon will be.
A TRIUMPHANT SMASH.

64 INT. HALLWAY. DAY. 64

SUDDENLY, ALMOST MAGICALLY, KIT KAT APPEARS TRIPPING DOWN THE

STAIRS AS TIM IS HEADING FOR THE KITCHEN.
TIM
I didn't know you were here.
KIT KAT
Yeah, just popped up for a while.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 64.

TIM
What about the job?
SHE WRINKLES HER NOSE - OBVIOUSLY THE JOB IS NO MORE.

TIM (CONT’D)
How long have you been here?
KIT KAT
Couple of months.
TIM
Wow. So life in London?

KIT KAT
Horrid. Is Mary here?

TIM
Yes.

KIT KAT
Where?
TIM
Outside, I think.

KIT KAT RUSHES OFF - HE CALLS AFTER HER...

TIM (CONT’D)
Be gentle - be gentle...
BUT IT’S TOO LATE - KIT KAT CHARGES OUT THE DOOR - SEES MARY,
RUNS AT HER - KNOCKS HER TO THE GROUND, PINS HER ARMS AND
STARTS KISSING HER ALL OVER HER FACE.

65 INT. DINING ROOM. NIGHT. 65

EVERYONE AT DINNER.
TIM
Right - I've got an important
announcement to make.

UNCLE D
O dear.
MUM
What's the problem, D?

UNCLE D
It's the Germans, isn't it. War.

TIM
No, it's not war, Uncle D. It’s
that we've decided to get married.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 65.

ALL SAY “HURRAY!“. KIT KAT SCREAMS WITH JOY AND ASSAULTS MARY
AGAIN. FROM THE GENERAL EXCITEMENT EMERGES UNCLE D.
UNCLE D
Who are you getting married to?

TIM
Mary here.

UNCLE D
Thank God for that - would have
been jolly embarrassing if it had
been another girl. Imagine that -
(TO MARY) you would have looked
like a total gooseberry, wouldn't
you?

DAD
Can I say I've only known Mary for
a few hours, but already I'm sure,
in the event of a nasty divorce,
I'm sticking with her, not Tim.
TIM
Thank you. O, and by the was...
the wedding will be quite soon,
because we're having a baby too.

UNCLE D
You're pregnant?
MARY
Yes.

KIT KAT SCREAMS AGAIN.

UNCLE D
Good lord - who's the father?
MARY
Tim here...
UNCLE D
Thank God for that. Very awkward if
it had been another fella...

66 INT. MARY’S FLAT. NIGHT. 66

NIGHT IN THEIR FLAT A FEW DAYS LATER. TIM IS READING - MARY

ENTERS IN CASUAL TRACKSUIT AND T-SHIRT.
MARY
We have to decide tonight.
TIM
What?

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 66.

MARY
Everything you've refused to engage
with. Best man. Honeymoon. Where
we're marrying. How many guests.

TIM
We haven't decided any of those?
MARY
The only thing you've decided is
that I will come down the aisle to
the sound of an Italian weirdo
singing a song called Il Mondo.

TIM
Excellent...

MARY
To which I have said a definitive
‘no’. So here's the deal. I will
take off one item of clothing for
every decision you manage to make.
This is a one off offer.
Striptease, in your own living
room, by a woman you think, by your
own admission, is very pretty.
EXPECTANT PAUSE.

TIM
Okay. You have my attention, young
lady.

MARY
Right. Good. Where do you think we
should get married?

TIM
Home - I’d hate anywhere else.
SHE TAKES OFF HER T-SHIRT, AND IS WEARING A BRA UNDERNEATH.
MARY
Good. Who should the priest be?

TIM
The local bloke with the yellow
teeth and massive uni-brow...

MARY
Okay, that's a lock for Hagrid.
SHE TAKES OFF HER BAGGY SWEAT PANTS. SHE HAS NO SOCKS. SHE IS
JUST STANDING THERE IN BRA AND PANTS.
MARY (CONT’D)
Ah. Right. I should have thought
this through first.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 67.

TIM
Yes.
MARY
I should have worn more clothes.

TIM
Yes.

MARY
So I better pick two really
important questions. Best man.

TIM
Damn. I really want to see those
breasts, but...

MARY
Best man. Now.

TIM
This is SO hard. It's lose/lose -
you piss off all the ones you don't
pick and you end up hating the one
you do pick because he makes an
embarrassing speech and ruins your
day.

MARY
Do you want to see these puppies or
not?

TIM
(VERY TENTATIVE) Harry?
MARY
The breasts are the border from
which no decision can ever return.
Harry? Really?
SHE REACHES BACK FOR HER BRA STRAP.
TIM
No. Bad idea. He'll get drunk. Jay?

MARY
Your choice.

TIM
He's my best friend, but he’s a
moron.
MARY
He will fuck up everything, yes.
TIM
Rory - he's boring - but he'll try
SO hard...

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 68.

MARY
Sure?
TIM
Yes. Definitely. Rory. No, Harry.
It's Harry.
MARY
Okay. It's Harry.
WE SEE FROM BEHIND AS SHE FLICKS OFF HER BRA.

TIM
Actually, no - Rory.
MARY
That is such a cheat. But Rory it
is - it's Rory and it can never
change. Honeymoon?

SHE PLACES HER THUMBS ON HER PANTS.

TIM
Wow - this is turning into an
exceptionally good night. I know
this one! VENICE!!!
MARY
Don’t think we can afford Venice...

TIM
Anywhere, anywhere literally....

67 INT. FAMILY HOME CHURCH. DAY. 67

CUT TO THE WEDDING DAY. THEY'RE IN A SMALL LOCAL CHURCH NEAR

HOME. ALL THE GUESTS ARE THERE. TIM IS AT THE FRONT WITH HIS
NERVOUS BEST MAN, RORY. HIS WHOLE FAMILY IN THE FRONT ROW.
UNCLE D LOOKING PARTICULARLY RESPLENDENT.

JAY MAKES EYE CONTACT WITH A VERY CUTE BRIDESMAID, JOANNA.

THE PRIEST IS THE YELLOW TOOTHED UNI-BROWED GUY.

A CLANK OF A DOOR - SUDDEN HUSH. THEN, WE SEE A FINGER PUSH A

BUTTON ON A CD PLAYER SOMEWHERE IN THE CHURCH. A VERY
DRAMATIC POP SONG STARTS TO PLAY. THEN AN ITALIAN VOICE
BEGINS TO SING.

CUT TO TIM SHOCKED. CUT TO VARIOUS SURPRISED MEMBERS OF THE

CONGREGATION. CUT TO HIS DAD... AND HIS MUM LOOKING AT HIS
DAD... AND DAD LOOKING AT TIM...

WE ALSO SEE BIG POLLY FROM THE BEGINNING - NEXT TO HER

ENORMOUS 6' 8” HUSBAND.

WHEN MARY TURNS INTO THE MAIN AISLE, IN HER HEAVENLY WEDDING
DRESS, TIM IS OVERJOYED.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 69.

IT IS HIS REQUEST “IL MONDO”, A HUGE EPIC ITALIAN LOVE

BALLAD. KIT KAT'S BRIDESMAID DRESS IS, BY THE WAY, AN INSANE
PURPLE WONDER.

WHEN WE HIT THE SONG’S CHORUS, TIM’S DAD STARTS TO DO A

GROOVY DANCE MOVEMENT TO IT - AS DOES TIM - AS FINALLY, SO
DOES THE BRIDE, HEADING DOWN THE AISLE... EVENTUALLY, DAD
DOES THE FULL ARMS UP IN THE AIR - AND THEN REALIZES IT'S
SLIGHTLY UNSUITABLE... AND APOLOGISES TO HIS WIFE...
CUT TO THE BRIDE AND GROOM KISSING AT THE ALTAR - WE HEAR
THUNDER - CLEARLY IT’S GETTING STORMY OUTSIDE - THE
CONGREGATION APPLAUD - AND NOW THERE IS MASSIVE RAIN ON THE
WINDOWS. AMONGST THE GUESTS IS THE SWEET LOOKING GUY WHO
DANCED WITH THE 10 YEAR OLD.
CUT TO THE END OF THE SERVICE - AS THE COUPLE COME OUT OF THE
CHURCH, IT IS ABSOLUTELY POURING. THE NEXT TWO MINUTES OF
FILM SHOW THE WORST RAINSTORM/HURRICANE EVER SEEN IN BRITAIN.
IT IS ABSOLUTE CHAOS. WITH A BELLOWING ITALIAN AND A THOUSAND
VIOLINS AS THE SOUNDTRACK.

AS THEY WALK FROM THE CHURCH, THE BRIDE'S TRAIN IS TOTALLY IN

THE SKY - AND THEN TEARS OFF - OLD PEOPLE FALL - SOMEONE IN A
WHEELCHAIR SCOOTS DANGEROUSLY TO THE CLIFF EDGE...

THEY REACH THE COMFORT OF THE MARQUEE - BUT IT'S FALSE

COMFORT - IT TEARS QUICKLY - AND STARTS TO DECONSTRUCT AS
WATER FLOODS IN THROUGH THE HOLES IN THE FABRIC. PEOPLE ARE
HANGING ON FOR DEAR LIFE - SOMEONE IS NEARLY DECAPITATED BY A
FLYING METAL POLE. SOME CHILDREN HAVE FOUND THE UTTER MUD OF
THE GARDEN AND ARE COMPLETELY FILTHY. EVERYONE IS COMPLETELY
SOAKED. A LOT OF THE WOMEN APPEAR TO BE ALMOST NAKED NOW, AS
THEIR WET THIN DRESSES STICK TO THEM LIKE COLOURED FLESH.
IT IS BROAD, REALISTIC, CHAOTIC COMEDY. ALL ACCOMPANIED BY
THE REMAINING, EPIC, ORCHESTRAL MINUTE OF 'IL MONDO'.

68 INT. FAMILY HOME / MARY’S FLAT. DAY. 68

THE ENTIRE WEDDING IS NOW BEING SQUEEZED INTO THE UNPREPARED

LIVING ROOM OF THE FAMILY HOUSE. RORY STANDS UP TO SPEAK. HE
IS INCREDIBLY NERVOUS.

RORY
When Tim asked me to be his Best
Man I was terrified, so I thought,
well, the best thing is to find a
book about speeches - and ahm, this
is it and it says “think of really
funny anecdotes” - and there IS one
very funny story actually from
work.
(MORE)

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 70.
RORY (CONT'D)
It was quite a complicated case
based on an issue of cross-
amortization of ownership of post-
divorce properties - and ahm - let
me just explain the context - the
defendant - a certain Mr...
CUT STRAIGHT TO HARRY SPEAKING, IN EXACTLY THE SAME PLACE...

HARRY
When Tim asked me to do his best
man speech, my immediate reaction
was - “how much are you going to
pay me, you little shit? I don’t
write for free, you know...”
CUT BACK TO THE STRIPPING GAME IN THE FLAT...
TIM
I'm going to go for Jay.

MARY
Really?

TIM
Yeh - he might be funny and I'm
pretty sure we can rein him in...

WE CUT RIGHT BACK TO THE RECEPTION. JAY HAS A WHITE BOARD -

WITH A POWERPOINT PRESENTATION.
JAY
These were the girls available in
Tim's teenage years.
SLIDE OF TIM AND, AROUND HIM, FIVE PHOTOS OF GIRLS.

JAY (CONT’D)
And this is how far he got with
each of them.

THERE ARE NOW NUMBERS ON LINES BETWEEN TIM AND THE GIRLS.
JAY (CONT’D)
Let me explain the code. Zero -
obviously nothing. Quite a lot of
those. 5 - blow job. Only one, I’m
afraid.

AND BACK TO MARY AND HER BRA.

TIM
Do you know, I know it's unusual,
but I think I'll go for Dad.
CUT TO DAD FINISHING HIS TOAST AND IT'S GOING WELL…

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 71.

DAD
And so, a toast to the man with the
worst haircut, but the best wife in
the room.

THEY ALL LAUGH AND CLAP AND TIM SMILES AT HIM.

AFTER THE DAD'S SPEECH, THEY CHAT IN A CORNER OF THE ROOM.

DAD (CONT’D)
I wish I'd said that I love you.

TIM
You did, Dad - it was implied...
DAD
I'm not sure 'implied' is good
enough for a wedding day, are you?
PAUSE - THEY BOTH KNOW WHAT HE MEANS.

TIM
Don't do it - it's fine - I'm
really happy with it as it was -
you really don't have to.

DAD
I'll do what I want to do, young
man.

CUT BACK TO THE NEW SPEECH...

DAD (CONT’D)
My natural instinct of course is to
try to be funny about my son - so
many flaws - plays table tennis
like a hairy goat, has never quite
mastered the art of shaving. But
always important, first, to say the
one big thing. I’ve only loved
three men in my life - my Dad was a
frosty bugger - so that only leaves
dear Uncle D - Nat King Cole, of
course - and this young man here.
I’d only give one piece of advice
to anyone marrying. We're all quite
similar in the end, we all get old,
we all wrinkle, we all tell the
same tales too many times - but try
to marry someone... kind. And this
is a kind man - with a good heart.
I'm not particularly proud of many
things in my life - but I'm very
proud to be the father of my son.
AFTERWARDS, BACK IN THE SWING OF THE PARTY...

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 72.

KIT KAT
Well done, Daddio. I thought you'd
probably just joke your way through
it.

DAD
I was tempted to - but decided not
to. This time.

WE SHOULD BE A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT KIT KAT AGAIN.

DAD (CONT’D)
Are you okay, Kit Kat?

KIT KAT
O yes - I'm good, very good. Orange
juice, no vodka - or is it the
other way round?
SHE TOASTS HIM IN VODKA.

UNCLE D
You next, Kittle Kattle?

KIT KAT
I don't know Uncle D. Boys aren’t
very nice.

UNCLE D
Aren’t they, darling?
KIT KAT
Not in my experience. Always taking
liberties. Not giving much back in
return.

UNCLE D
O dear.
SHE'S GETTING DRUNK AND JIMMY KINCADE IS IGNORING HER. TIED
INTO THE FACT THAT KIT KAT WAS AT HOME WHEN THEY ANNOUNCED
THEIR PROPOSAL, AND THAT SHE’S JOBLESS, IT IS STARTING TO BE
A NAGGING WORRY, THE DIMMING OF THIS GORGEOUS GIRL.

CUT TOWARDS THE END OF THE RECEPTION...

OLDER WOMAN
I'm so sorry to disturb you - but I
wonder if I could have your
autograph.
HARRY
No - no! Fuck off. It's a wedding
for God's sake.
(MORE)

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 73.
HARRY (CONT'D)
I'm here to celebrate true love -
not to hand out stupid bits of
paper with my illegible signature
on it that you can flog on eBay, so
at the next wedding you can afford
to buy a less hideous hat.
TIM
I see you've met my mother-in-law.
HARRY
O God - (TO HER) you might have
told me. People should wear name
tags.
MOTHER IN LAW
What would you have said if you'd
known?
HARRY
‘Sod off’, rather than ‘fuck off’,
I suppose.
A FEW FINAL WEDDING IMAGES, AND A FINAL WORRYING MOMENT WITH
KIT KAT, OUT COLD, JIMMY JUST CASUALLY SMOKING BESIDE HER,
NOT WORRYING. CUT TO MUM AND DAD ROMANTICALLY WALTZING...
THEN MOVE FROM THEM DANCING TO TIM AND MARY. MARY TAKES A
GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE FROM A WAITER AND DOWNS IT.

TIM
Do you wish we'd picked another
day?

MARY
Not for all the world.

69 INT. WEDDING BEDROOM. 69

TIM IS LOOKING AT HIS BEAUTIFUL BRIDE, IN HER NIGHTGOWN. SHE
TURNS TO HIM.
MARY
“And I-I-I will always love
youououou...”
CUT ON FIVE MINUTES. MARY LIES IN BED - COMATOSE. TIM SMILES
AT HIS WONDERFUL BRIDE.

70 INT. MARY’S FLAT. DAY. 70

CUT TO A FEW MONTHS LATER - A VERY PREGNANT MARY IS SITTING

IN A CHAIR - 'READING'. THEN SUDDENLY...

MARY
O Jesus. It's coming.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 74.

TIM
O Jesus. What do we need? Ahm...
MARY
I've done it all - it's all in the
bag.
TIM
Nappies? Phone chargers?
MARY
Everything. Every single thing.
Just get the car. All you have to
do is drive me to the hospital.
TIM
Right. Okay. Excellent.

71 EXT. MARY’S FLAT / LONDON STREETS. DAY. 71

THEY ARE SQUEEZED INTO THE CAR - HE SETS OFF, NERVOUSLY...

MARY
Where are we going?

TIM
To the hospital.

MARY
Which is in the opposite direction.

TIM
Of course it is.
MARY
Okay - stop the car.

TIM
Is it coming? (THE BABY...)

MARY
No, it's not coming. I just want to
point out you just had one job,
that's ONE. The keeping fit, I did -
the preparing the nursery, I did -
the packing the bag, I did - the
carrying the alien in my sodding
stomach for nine years, I did. Your
ONE AND ONLY job after impregnation
was driving me to the hospital. Do
you actually know which hospital
we're going to?
TIM
Yes.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 75.

MARY
Which hospital?
TIM
Ahm...

MARY
YOU TELL ME THE NAME OF THE
HOSPITAL OR I WILL GIVE BIRTH TO
THE BABY IN YOUR FACE.
PAUSE.

TIM
Either St. Mark something or
Paddington something?

MARY
(WITH THE VOICE OF SATAN) DRIVE! I
WILL GUIDE YOU.

CUT ON - THEY ARE STUCK IN A LONG ROW OF TRAFFIC.

MARY (CONT’D)
For God's sake - do something.
There's a head appearing between my
legs.

TIM LEAPS OUT OF THE CAR. AND GOES ROUND THE CORNER - TO SEE
A HUGE TRAFFIC JAM AHEAD, LEADING TO A FAMOUS ZEBRA CROSSING.
TIM
O Christ - Abbey Road.

THERE'S A QUEUE OF PEOPLE WAITING TO TAKE PHOTOS. TIM

APPROACHES NERVOUSLY. ACCOSTING STRANGERS IS NOT HIS
SPECIALITY.

TIM (CONT’D)
Could you just, you know, hurry up?

JAPANESE PERSON
Abbey Road. Beatles. John, George,
Paul... Lingo.

TIM
Yes, I know. Fast as you can.

THE JAPANESE FOURSOME MOVE ON - AND THE NEXT LOT, AMERICANS,

COME ON. AND STAND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD ARGUING ABOUT
WHO IS GOING TO BE WHO.
TIM (CONT’D)
Terribly sorry, but, could you
just...

THEY IGNORE HIM.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 76.

AMERICAN 1
I'm not taking the picture - I want
to be IN the picture.

AMERICAN 2
Well, I'm not doing it - I didn't
come all the way from Minnesota
just to be holding the goddamn
camera.
TIM
Look, I'll do it - okay. Jesus - be
careful.

HE NEARLY GETS RUN OVER - BUT GETS THE PHOTO DONE. HE TURNS
TO THE NEXT LOT, SOME GRUMPY NORTHERN TEENS.

TIM (CONT’D)
Right. The thing is, though, that
my wife is having a baby...

NORTHERNER 2
It's not going to be any bloody
good anyway, Dave, with only three
of us - it's going to look stupid.

TIM
Look, I know what...

CUT TO THE THREE NORTHERNERS - AND TIM AS THE FOURTH BEATLE -

WITH AN EAST EUROPEAN TAKING THE PICTURE.

NORTHERNER
You've got to take your shoes
off...

TIM
(UTTERLY PANICKING) What?
NORTHERNER
Paul wasn't wearing any shoes.
TIM KNEELS TO TAKE OFF HIS SHOES. THEY'RE NOW READY TO POSE.

MARY (V.O.)
What. The. Fourfold. Fuck. Are you
doing?

THERE SHE IS - MASSIVELY PREGNANT, AS HER HUSBAND POSES ON

THE CROSSING.
TIM
I know it seems - it was really
complicated - I promise this was
the quickest...

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 77.

MARY
O my god - it really is coming
now...

TIM
Abbey Road!
HE POINTS TO THE STUDIOS AND RUNS IN.

72 INT. ABBEY ROAD. DAY. 72

TIM SPEEDS PAST RECEPTION - OPENS THE FIRST DOOR IN THE

CORRIDOR. A HUGE STUDIO, WHERE ADELE IS PERFORMING.
TIM
Sorry. My mistake.
HE COMES BACK OUT - OPENS THE NEXT DOOR - IT IS A BROOM
CUPBOARD.

TIM (CONT’D)
That's better.

73 INT. MARY’S FLAT. DAY. 73

AN HOUR EARLIER - MARY IS SITTING, VERY PREGNANT ONCE MORE.

MARY
Oh Jesus. I think it's coming.

WE CUT TO TIM - BUT NOW HE IS SURROUNDED BY MAPS OF LONDON.

TIM
Cool - I've finalised the route.
The car is outside on a special
parking metre. St. Mary's
Paddington, here we come... And I
think we should avoid Abbey Road.

74 INT. HOSPITAL ROOM. DAY. 74

THE TWO OF THEM IN THE HOSPITAL ROOM, WITH THE TINY BABY.
MARY
Posy?

TIM
Posy she is. The most beautiful
girl in the world.

TIM (V.O.)
No one can ever prepare you for
what happens when you have a
child...
(MORE)

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 78.
TIM (V.O.) (CONT'D)
When you see the baby in your arms
and you know that's your job now.
No one can prepare you for the love
and the fear.

CUT TO TIM WATCHING AS POSY RESTS IN HIS MUM'S ARMS.

MOTHER
O she's lovely. You were such an
ugly baby. I remember the first
time I looked at you, I thanked God
we were in driving distance of
London Zoo.

DAD
Come on, he wasn't that bad.

MOTHER
O don't be silly... But look, the
past is the past, the nightmare is
over, he grew up human, the days of
suckling a simian are a distant
nasty memory. Uncle D, do you want
a hold?

UNCLE D
O yes please...

TIM
(NERVOUS) Ahm, do you think
that's...? Yes, sure. Sure...

HE WATCHES UNCLE D WITH HIS BABY WITH PRIDE. HE GLANCES AT

HIS DAD, WHO IS LOOKING AT HIM, HIS BABY SON, NOW GROWN UP.

75 INT. MARY’S FLAT. DAY. 75

TIM (V.O.)
There are other things, of course -
no one can prepare you for the bad
nappies...
MARY AND TIM IN THE LIVING ROOM. THEY HEAR THE BABY CRY...

TIM
Let me do it, darling.

TIM WITH THE BABY AT A CHANGING TABLE - HE OPENS THE NAPPY -

REELS BACK IN SHOCK...
CUT STRAIGHT BACK TO THE LIVING ROOM A BIT EARLIER. THE BABY
STARTS TO CRY AGAIN...
TIM (CONT’D)
Why don't you do this one - I've
got a big case tomorrow...

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 79.

HE POINTS TO A LOT OF PAPERS ALL ROUND HIM. MARY SETS OFF, NO

IDEA OF THE HORROR AHEAD. WE STAY WITH TIM, UNTIL WE HEAR
FROM THE OTHER ROOM…

MARY (V.O.)
O MY GOD. Where did this all come
from?

76 EXT/INT. MARY’S FLAT. DAY. 76

TIM (V.O.)
No one can prepare you for the love
people you love can feel for
them...
KIT KAT IS ON THE FLOOR WITH THE BABY, NOW SIX MONTHS OLD.
JUST PLAYING WITH HER - AS THOUGH THEY WERE THE SAME AGE.
MARY AND TIM OBVIOUSLY READY TO GO OUT TO DINNER.

TIM
Are you sure you're okay?
KIT KAT
I would like to babysit for her
every single day of her life. I
want you to die at the restaurant
so I can take over forever.

TIM (V.O.)
And nothing can prepare you for the
indifference of friends who don't
have babies...

77 INT. MARY’S FLAT. DAY. 77

IN THE LIVING ROOM, ANOTHER NIGHT. JAY GIVES POSY THE MOST
CASUAL OF GLANCES.
JAY
Yeah, great, very pretty. Anyway -
she's 18 years old, 18. I swear,
she does not even OWN a bra... I've
never seen her indoors in trousers.
Just legs up to there and tiny,
tiny pants...

TIM (V.O.)
And nothing can prepare you for how
small a place that seemed a good
size suddenly becomes...

THE FLAT IS JUST FULL OF PRAMS, NAPPIES, FOOD, BABY BED...

TIM (V.O.)
And how quickly you have to move to
a place you can’t quite afford.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 80.

THEY ARE IN A SPARSELY FURNISHED NEW GARDEN FLAT.

TIM (V.O.)
It's just the sheer shock of the
pure unconditional love for this
human fluke that happens to be
yours...

78 INT. TIM AND MARY’S HOUSE. DAY. 78

CUT ON MONTHS - THE HOUSE IS DRESSED FOR A BIRTHDAY PARTY,
STREAMERS, LITTLE HAND DRAWN SIGNS SAYING 'I AM ONE!!”. THEY
ARE THERE PREPARING CUPCAKES - AND THE DOORBELL GOES.
MARY
That'll be your Mum and Dad.
Bizarrely early as ever.
TIM IS OPENING THE DOOR - IT IS THE THREE OF THEM FROM HOME.

TIM
Hello, Mum, Dad. Uncle D. Wonderful
to see you. Come on in. And look,
if it isn't Godfather Rory...

RORY IS CARRYING THE LARGEST TEDDY BEAR IN HISTORY.

EVERYONE IS GATHERED - A FEW FRIENDS - A FEW BABIES - THE

FAMILY GROUP IN THEIR COMFY CHAIRS. THE GIANT TEDDY BEAR NEXT
TO UNCLE D.

RORY
Only two important things for a
godfather, I reckon - tell the
child never to eat anything bigger
than its head. And never bring a
present smaller than the child.
HARRY
O shut up.
HARRY IS THERE TOO, WITH A VERY SMALL BEAR.

MUM
I didn't expect to see you here,
Harry. Children's parties not
exactly your style.

HARRY
I was tricked. I was told there'd
be free booze. Hate kids, as you
know. For fuck's sake, Tim - I'm
going to need straight vodka if
there's a fucking clown coming.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 81.

CUT TO THE CLOWN IN ACTION. IT IS GOING VERY BADLY. THE KIDS

ARE UTTERLY DISTRACTED - THE MUMS ARE PRETENDING TO BE
INTERESTED. MARY LOOKS AT TIM SAVAGELY.

CUT TO EVERYONE LATER, IN ANOTHER CLOWN-LESS VERSION OF THE

PARTY…
TIM
We thought of having a clown but
decided against it - best keep
first birthdays small, just family,
two friends, one giant stuffed toy.

DAD
Speaking of which, where is Kit
Kat?

MARY
Don’t know. She said she'd be here
around three.

THE DOOR BELL GOES.

TIM
Speak of the devil...

THE FRONT DOOR. TIM OPENS IT. IT IS A GREASY HAIRED, HANDSOME

BUT NOT NICE LOOKING YOUNG MAN. HE'S JIMMY KINCADE, WHO WE
FIRST SAW AT THE NEW YEAR’S PARTY, YEARS AGO.

TIM (CONT’D)
Jimmy - what can I do for you? And
where's my sister?

JIMMY
I thought she was here.

TIM
No - she never arrived.
JIMMY
That's not good.
TIM
What does that mean? What does
'that's not good' mean?
AND THE CAMERA FOCUSSES IN ON HIM - AND IT ALL GOES WEIRD FOR
A MOMENT. TIM TURNS AND WE FOLLOW HIM WALKING BACK, DAZED,
TOWARDS THE FAMILY.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 82.

TIM (V.O.)
There's a song by Baz Luhrmann,
called Sunscreen - and I've never
forgotten two lines from it -
“Worrying about the future is as
effective as trying to solve an
algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in
your life will always be things
that never crossed your worried
mind.”

79 INT/EXT. HOSPITAL. NIGHT. 79

CUT TO MARY AND TIM RACING INTO A HOSPITAL.

THEN CONTRASTING STILLNESS. IN A QUIET ROOM - ON MARY AND

TIM'S FACES.

CUT TO KIT KAT, LYING IN A HOSPITAL BED - HER BEAUTIFUL FACE

BADLY CUT AND BRUISED. HER HAIR PULLED BACK TIGHTLY.
TIM
What happened?

WE SEE A FLASH BACK TO A HUGE CAR CRASH - SMASHING GLASS AND

VIOLENCE. THE CAR, A PURPLE MINI, CLEARLY BELONGS TO KIT KAT.

CUT BACK - IT'S HARD FOR KIT KAT TO TALK, BUT SHE DOES.
KIT KAT
We had a fight. And maybe I wasn't
completely sober.
TIM
It was tea time. On a weekday.

KIT KAT
I know. Very poor. Sorry.

TIM
I blame Jimmy.

KIT KAT
It’s so not his fault.
TIM
Well, so you say...

IN THE CORRIDOR, TIM STORMS OUT PAST BAD JIMMY WHO IS SITTING
OUTSIDE.

JIMMY
How is she?

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 83.

TIM
Not good. When did she leave you?
And from where? I want it exact -
exact time, exact address.

CUT ON TO TIM WALKING ALONG THE HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - AND

OPENING A DOOR.
PASSING NURSE
That's a broom cupboard.
TIM
I know. I love 'em.

CUT BACK TO THE FRONT DOOR, FOUR HOURS EARLIER.

MARY
You cut it fine.
TIM
Sorry - I had to pick up Kit Kat.

HE HEADS IN WITH KIT KAT FOLLOWING - ALTHOUGH NOW WELL, OF

COURSE, SHE IS NOT LOOKING HER BEST. SHE SLINKS IN, HAS BAGS
UNDER HER EYES. THERE'S STILL SOME OF THE USUAL NATURAL
SPARKLE, BUT A SENSE OF SOMETHING WRONG UNDERNEATH. KIT KAT
APPROACHES THE FAMILY GROUP...

MARY (WHISPERING TO TIM)

She couldn't come herself?
TIM
No, as it turns out, she couldn't.

CUT BACK TO THEM AFTER THE PARTY. RELAXING IN THE CHAOS....

TIM (CONT’D)
I'm worried about Kit Kat.
MARY
I know. She was drinking vodka
while we were drinking tea. And
Jimmy wasn't nice to her.

TIM
We have to do fix it.
MARY
We can’t do that. If it’s going to
be fixed, she has to fix it
herself.
TIM
Maybe. Maybe not.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 84.

80 EXT. BEACH. DAY. 80

TIM AND KIT KAT ARE WALKING ALONG THE BEACH AT HOME. PAUSE AS
THEY STROLL, THEN...

TIM
Darling Kit Kat...
KIT KAT
How do I immediately know I'm about
to be ticked off?

TIM
You're not. But I AM a little
worried...
KIT KAT
What did I tell you? It's a full-
blooded ticking off.

TIM
It's just, you know, this is a
strange place for you still to be
coming all the time. Here with Mum
and Dad and Uncle D...

KIT KAT
My best friend.

TIM
Indeed. But, what's happened?
You’re the best person in the
world. Top equal with my wife. And
the dog in The Artist. I don't
quite get it.

PAUSE.

KIT KAT
Neither do I.

TIME FOR THE TRUTH. SHE DOESN'T LOOK AT HIM AS SHE TALKS.
KIT KAT (CONT’D)
I thought life was going to be so
great. But somehow up in London, in
the real world, I keep getting
knocked about...

TIM
And getting drunk.
KIT KAT
So sometimes I get drunk. And
Jimmy’s unkind. So I come back
home.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 85.

TIM
What happened with Marcus? He
seemed a nicer guy than your usual.

KIT KAT
I messed up - had an abortion - and
he left.
PAUSE, TIM IS MORTIFIED.
TIM
And so you end up back with Jimmy.

PAUSE.
KIT KAT
Maybe, just maybe, Tim, I'm the
faller. Every family has someone
who falls, who doesn't make the
grade - who stumbles, who life
trips up. Maybe I'm our faller.

AND SHE GIVES HIM THE LOVELIEST SMILE IN THE WORLD.

81 INT. TIM’S BEDROOM. NIGHT. 81

TIM LIES IN HIS OLD BED IN HIS OLD BEDROOM, IN HIS OLD
PYJAMAS, EYES WIDE OPEN.

82 EXT. LAWN. DAY. 82

THE NEXT DAY. THEY STAND OUT ON THE LAWN WHERE THE WEDDING
MARQUEE STOOD, OVERLOOKING THE SEA.

TIM
Stupid.
KIT KAT
Yes, Stupid?
TIM
You know I've spent my entire life
taking the piss out of you because
you believe in total crap.
KIT KAT
Yes.

TIM
Horoscopes...

KIT KAT
Are brilliant...

TIM
Acupuncture...

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 86.

KIT KAT
Can cure any medical problem.
TIM
The Electric Light Orchestra...

KIT KAT
Are the greatest band of all time.
Except the Monkees, of course.
TIM
Exactly. All your beliefs, total
codswallop. But, oddly, you may
have had a point after all. I'm
going to tell you a secret - but
you have to keep it.

KIT KAT
We've always kept secrets.

TIM
We have.
KIT KAT
You put your willy into Jenny
Arbuthnot.
TIM
I know. Thank you for never telling
anyone.
KIT KAT
I don't think even Jenny knew.

PAUSE. KIT KAT LOOKS AT HIM AND SHRUGS HER SHOULDERS.

KIT KAT (CONT’D)

So what's the secret?
TIM
You promise you won't ever tell.
KIT KAT
Yes.

BIG STOP. BIG PAUSE.

TIM
I can travel in time.

PAUSE.
KIT KAT
Wouldn’t it be so completely and
utterly and totally great if you
could?

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 87.

83 INT. CUPBOARD UNDER STAIRS. DAY. 83

CUT TO THEM IN THE CUPBOARD.

KIT KAT
Why are we standing in the cupboard
under the stairs?
TIM
Because we're going to go back in
time - and you are going to do some
things differently...

KIT KAT
You are really funny - I love it
when you’re funny.

TIM
Hold my hand.

WE SEE THEIR HANDS CLENCH.

AND THEY TRAVEL IN TIME. AND ARE STILL IN THE CUPBOARD. TIM
OPENS THE DOOR - THEY PEEK OUTSIDE - AND THEN INSTANTLY SHUT
THE DOOR AGAIN. THEY’VE BOTH SEEN IT’S THE NIGHT OF THE NEW
YEAR'S EVE PARTY YEARS AGO, THE VERY START OF THE FILM.
KIT KAT
O my God. O my godigod. I was right
all along. Everything’s magic.
Anything can happen.

SHE PEEKS OUTSIDE AGAIN.

KIT KAT (CONT’D)

You are kidding though - I can go
back anywhere in time and you bring
me back to the worst party of all
time?
TIM
‘Fraid so.
KIT KAT
Though at least I met Jimmy.
TIM
My point precisely.

THEY HEAD OUT NERVOUSLY. AT WHICH MOMENT A STRANGE LOOKING

GINGER GIRL PASSES HIM.
GINGER GIRL
Hello, Tim.
THERE IS A SLIGHT AWKWARDNESS BETWEEN THEM.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 88.

TIM
Hello, Jenny.
KIT KAT AND TIM EXCHANGE A LOOK...

KIT KAT
She still wants it.
TIM
Okay - now we’ve got work to do.
KIT KAT
What work?

TIM
We are making sure you do NOT meet
Jimmy Kincade. And - quick - in
here...
AND INDEED, THE FRONT DOOR OPENS AND JIMMY ENTERS JUST AS TIM
SIDLES KIT KAT INTO THE NEXT ROOM. HE DOES LOOKS COOL.

KIT KAT
But we have sex later.

TIM
Not this time you don’t.

ANOTHER FRIEND ACCOSTS KIT KAT.

JOHN
Kit Kat.

KIT KAT
John - look, very important - don't
go to Thailand - you'll get robbed
and imprisoned.

JOHN
Thanks Kittle - I have no intention
of going to Thailand.
KIT KAT
No, but you do - seriously. And
there are pictures of you all over
the newspapers in a very tight pair
of swimming trunks.

SUDDENLY IN FRONT OF THEM, THE DOOR OPENS - AND IN SLOUCHES

JIMMY, WITH THAT TOUCH OF JAMES DEAN ABOUT HIM.
KIT KAT (CONT’D)
Wow.
TIM
No. Next door.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 89.

KIT KAT
But he’s about to tell me I’m the
most beautiful woman at the party
and put his hand down the back of
my jeans.

TIM
Come on.

THEY RETREAT INTO THE NEXT ROOM - JIMMY FOLLOWS - THEY WATCH
HIM FROM THE CORNER LIKE HAWKS. HE GLIDES THROUGH THE ROOM.
HELPS HIMSELF TO A DRINK. STANDS VERY STILL, SURVEYS THE ROOM
- TIM AND KIT KAT HAVE TO TURN AROUND QUICKLY TO AVOID HIS
GAZE. THEY THEN TURN BACK. JIMMY HAS SPOTTED HIS PREY. HE
HEADS TOWARDS A VERY PRETTY GIRL. SUDDENLY HE TURNS ON ALL
HIS CHARM. KIT KAT FROWNS. TIM WATCHES HER. THEN LOOKS BACK
AT JIMMY. ALREADY HE IS LEANING A LITTLE TOO CLOSE THE GIRL,
WHO IS SO FLATTERED BY HIS ATTENTIONS. HE WHISPERS SOMETHING
TO HER, AND HIS HAND SLIPS BEHIND HER BACK, MOVES DOWN
TOWARDS THE BACK OF HER JEANS.

KIT KAT
Right. I get it.

AND SHE MARCHES STRAIGHT OVER TO HIM.

KIT KAT (CONT’D)

Excuse me, Jimmy.

JIMMY
Do we know each other?

KIT KAT
Yes, we do. Very well. And this is
what I should have done right at
the start.

AND SHE SMACKS HIM HARD ON THE CHEEK. THE WHOLE ROOM HEARS
THE SOUND - AND TURNS.
KIT KAT (CONT’D)
Happy New Year everyone.
TIM
And now we leave.

84 EXT/INT. CAR. NIGHT. 84

THEY ARE DRIVING IN A CAR AWAY FROM HOME.

KIT KAT
What happens now?

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 90.

TIM
God only knows - but what I’m
hoping is that from this moment on
you avoid the sleazy bad guys -
because they’re sleazy and bad. So
you don’t spend your life feeling
worthless, giving up every job on
some bastard's whim, living in
horrible flats waiting for the
phone to ring.
KIT KAT
Wow. When did you get so serious?

TIM
Since it occurred to me that I
might lose you.
PAUSE AS SHE REGISTERS HIS REAL CONCERN.

KIT KAT
And where are we going?
TIM
Back to the future.

85 INT. PIZZA RESTAURANT. NIGHT. 85

CUT TO A GRIM LOCAL PIZZA RESTAURANT. TIM AND KIT KAT ENTER,
WALK STRAIGHT PAST THE PERSON SWEEPING THE FLOOR.

SWEEPER
That's a broom cupboard, mate.
TIM
Thanks, I know. We can’t resist
them.
THEY STAND INSIDE THE DARK CUPBOARD.

KIT KAT
So, wait a minute, when we get
back, will I remember the old life?

TIM
Yes. I always do. But the new one
is the real one - the old one is
something you luckily escaped.

CLEANER ENTERS TO SEE THIS SLIGHTLY STRANGE SCENE.

CLEANER
Excuse me.
TIM
Sorry - just give us ONE second.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 91.

HE TAKES KIT KAT’S HAND, CLENCHES IT...

86 INT. HOME CUPBOARD. DAY. 86

AND THEY ARE BACK WHERE THEY STARTED. THEY LOOK AT EACH
OTHER.. THEN KIT KAT’S WHOLE NEW LIFE SWEEPS UP AT HER.
KIT KAT
O my god.
TIM
What?

KIT KAT
Teddy.

TIM
Teddy Frankman?

KIT KAT
Yes. Wow. Surprisingly, you know -
in bed. Right - let’s do this...

THEY STEP OUT OF THE CUPBOARD. DAD WALKS PAST CASUALLY...

DAD
Come on, you two. Tea’s up.

THEY HEAD OUT INTO THE GARDEN. AND THERE, SITTING WITH MUM
AND UNCLE D, AS THOUGH HE ABSOLUTELY BELONGS THERE - IS
TENNIS-PLAYING TEDDY FRANKMAN. KIT KAT GIVES TIM A WIDE-EYED
LOOK, AND SKIPS OVER, GIVING TEDDY A KISS ON THE CHEEK...

87 INT. TRAIN TO LONDON. DAY. 87

TIM IS BEAMING WITH HAPPINESS AS HE HEADS BACK DOWN ON THE

TRAIN UP TO LONDON... JOB DONE. DELIGHTFUL MUSIC PLAYS.

88 INT. TIM AND MARY'S HOUSE. DAY. 88

HE HEADS BACK INTO HOME. MARY GREETS HIM AT THE DOOR -
HOLDING A PLASTIC BOWL AND SPOON.
MARY
Hello gorgeous. How was your day?

TIM
Immensely satisfactory.
MARY
Will you do dinner. There's
something I've got to do before six
or I get fired.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 92.

TIM
I can't think of anything I'd love
to do more.

HE GOES INTO THE NEXT ROOM.

TIM (CONT’D)
Where is the most gorgeous person
in the world? Come to your Dad and
get food shoved into your mouth.
AND ROUND THE CORNER OF THE MESSY MAIN ROOM CRAWLS A LITTLE
BOY - EXACTLY POSY'S AGE BUT NOT POSY. BLACK HAIR, NOT
BLONDE. IT IS A MOMENT OF ALMOST GENUINE HORROR. THE LITTLE
BOY RUSHES UP TO TIM, WHO, IN SHOCK HOLDS OUT HIS ARMS. THE
SWEET CHILD - BUT JUST NOT HIS CHILD - HUGS HIM.

CHILD
Dadda.

THE CAMERA MOVES ROUND AS WE SEE THE COMPLETELY HAPPY CHILD

GRIPPING HIS FATHER'S NECK - AND TIM, COMPLETELY HORRIFIED,
HOLDING HIM TIGHT. TIM PUTS HIM DOWN.

TIM
Just stay there... little boy. And
I'll be back in a minute.

HE HEADS OUT INTO THE CORRIDOR.

MARY
Are you okay? You look like you’ve
just seen a ghost.

TIM
Yes. No. I’m great.

HE ISN'T. HE HEADS INTO THE BATHROOM. CLOSES THE DOOR.

CLENCHES HIS FISTS.

89 INT. HOSPITAL. DAY. 89

SUDDENLY HE IS BACK IN THE HOSPITAL, JUST AFTER POSY'S BIRTH.
HE ENTERS THE ROOM WHERE HIS MUM IS HOLDING THE BABY.
TIM
Dad - can we talk for just a
moment?

HIS DAD COMES OUT INTO THE CORRIDOR.

TIM (CONT’D)
I can't go back past this again,
can I?

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 93.

DAD
No, I should have mentioned that.
The exact sperm at the exact moment
- if you do anything the tiniest
bit different, different baby.
Chances are.
TIM
So every day up till yesterday is
as it will always be? Lost.
DAD
Just like for everyone else.

TIM
Okay - okay. Interesting. Tough.
Love you, Dad. Got to go.
DAD
Problem?

TIM NODS.

90 INT. TIM AND MARY’S HOUSE. NIGHT. 90

IT’S AFTER THE BABY’S BIRTHDAY PARTY - IN THE DEBRIS OF THE

ROOM, TIM SITS WITH KIT KAT.

TIM
Kittle - I’m really worried.

KIT KAT
What about?
TIM
You...

KIT KAT
Don’t be silly.

TIM
And Jimmy.

KIT KAT
Actually, we’re going through a
rather good patch.

TIM LOOKS UP AT MARY - AS SHE PREDICTED...

91 EXT. FAMILY HOME. DAY. 91

THEY ARE WALKING IN THE GARDEN.

TIM
I want to talk about Jimmy. I
really, really think he’s a bad...

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 94.

KIT KAT
Influence, I know. But he’s good
fun, and that’ll do me... Uncle D.
I’m going to mash you, just mash
you at croquet.

SHE RUNS OFF. WE FOCUS ON TIM, IN TURMOIL.

TIM
Okay. Okay.

92 INT. TIM AND MARY’S HOUSE. DAY. 92

WE ARE BACK AT THE START OF THE BABY’S PARTY - EVERYONE THERE

EXCEPT KIT KAT.

MARY
We did think of having a clown -
Tim was particularly keen - but we
thought Harry might kill him.

HARRY
I would have done, I hate the
smiley bastards.

MARY
Better just have family.

TIM ISN’T QUITE JOINING IN...

DAD
Speaking of which, where is Kit
Kat?
WE CUT TO TIM - HE GRITS HIS TEETH - AND THEN...

93 EXT. STREET. DAY. 93

WE SEE KIT KAT’S CAR CRASH HAPPENING AGAIN. TIM HAS HAD TO
LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN.

94 INT. HOSPITAL. NIGHT. 94

KIT KAT IN HOSPITAL BED. VERY LATE AT NIGHT. TIM JUST SITTING
IN THE CHAIR BY THE BED. KIT KAT OPENS HER EYES.

KIT KAT
You’re still here.
TIM
Yes.
KIT KAT
Go home.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 95.

TIM
No. I’m not leaving this room till
we find a way of making sure this
never happens again.

AN HOUR LATER...
KIT KAT
I’ll drive more carefully.
TIM
Good start. But there’s more.
Seriously. You have to work it out.

KIT KAT
I’m tired.

TIM
Me too.

CUT TO THE NEXT MORNING. SAME SITUATION.

KIT KAT
I’ll have to stop drinking before
teatime.

TIM
That too. Keep thinking.

95 INT. HOSPITAL. NIGHT. 95

LATER ON THAT NIGHT. THE SWELLING HAS GONE DOWN A BIT - KIT
KAT’S HAIR IS BACK TO NORMAL. SHE DOESN’T LOOK QUITE SO BAD.
TIM IS SITTING PATIENTLY IN HIS CHAIR. PAUSE. KIT KAT TURNS
AND SEES HERSELF, LYING IN THE BED, IN A MIRROR BESIDE HER.

KIT KAT
I have to leave Jimmy, don't I?
And I have to stop drinking - and
stop leaving jobs - and I have go
out with someone nice and boring.
AND TIM SMILES A SMILE AS WIDE AS A RIVER.

LATER. HE’S A PREPARING TO LEAVE.

TIM
And nice isn't necessarily boring.

KIT KAT
Like who?

PAUSE.
TIM
Matt Damon?

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 96.

KIT KAT
Okay. I'll go out with Matt Damon.
And if he's married?

TIM
Pat Damon, his twin brother? Or Nat
Damon, the youngster in the family.
SCEPTICAL PAUSE.
TIM (CONT’D)
Tell me. Do you remember Teddy
Frankman?

KIT KAT
What about him?

TIM
Just, you know, popped into my
head. What's he like these days?

KIT KAT
Okay. Quite cute looking - bit
straight. Gets on well with the
Damon family.

TIM
I’m thinking of asking him to
dinner. You free?

KIT KAT
Might be...

AND SHE GIVES HIM A HUGE SMILE BACK.

AS HE LEAVES, JIMMY IS COMING INTO THE HOSPITAL CORRIDOR.

TIM
No! No! Out! Right now! You are so
totally and utterly out of the
picture I can't fucking tell you.

96 INT. TIM AND MARY'S HOUSE. NIGHT. 96

CUT BACK TO HIS FRONT DOOR. TIM RUSHES IN AND ROUND THE
CORNER TOTTERS POSY. HE HUGS HER WITH ALL HIS POWER. MARY
COMES ROUND THE CORNER TOO, HER MOST LOVELY.

TIM
Let's have another one.
MARY
Another what? O, screw that. One is
enough for me.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 97.

TIM (V.O.)
Fortunately, we are young and
fertile and it wasn't long
before...

97 EXT. LONDON PARK. DAY. 97

A BEAUTIFUL DAY - THEY STROLL THROUGH A PARK. MARY HAS A BABY
IN A PAPOOSE...
TIM (V.O.)
And that's another big strange
thing - you pour all your possible
love into one child...
POSY, NOW GETTING BIGGER IS RUNNING TOWARDS HIM.
TIM
And this is incredible, Posy Lake,
only three years old, is about to
break the Women’s Olympic record,
if only her trousers can stay up...

WHICH THEY DON’T. SHE TRIPS AND FALLS.

TIM (V.O.)
And then you have another one, and
it turns out you've got exactly the
same amount of love on tap...
HE'S SWINGING HIS SON ROUND AS THEY WALK ON.

TIM (V.O.)
Love, this extraordinary ingredient
that has no limits, ever expanding,
self-reproducing. And all the time
you love the woman you love as much
as you ever loved her...

98 INT. TIM AND MARY’S HOUSE. EVENING. 98

HE'S JUST GETTING BACK FROM THE WALK - MARY IS IN THE HALLWAY
- WET HAIR, JUST WEARING A TOWEL.
MARY
Darling, I'm sick with nerves. What
do you wear for dinner with the
greatest author in the country??
TIM
I'll settle the kids and come
straight up.
UP IN THEIR BEDROOM. MARY EMERGES FROM A LITTLE DRESSING
ROOM, IN A PRETTY BLUE DRESS.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 98.

MARY
How about this?
TIM
Gorgeous. Job done.

SHE CHECKS HERSELF IN THE FULL-LENGTH MIRROR TO HER LEFT.

MARY
No. Take it seriously. I hate it.
Makes me look lumpy.

TIM
Right. I hate it too.
A SHARP CUT - SHE RE-EMERGES IN ANOTHER DRESS.

MARY
What about this?

TIM
Gorgeous. We did it!
MARY
Not too breasty for Le Carre?

TIM
No.

MARY
It's too breasty.

TIM
Is it?
MARY
Yes.

AND ANOTHER ONE.

MARY (CONT’D)
This?
TIM
Not too breasty.
MARY
No, but I think high heels. Or my
legs will look too short.

TIM
Which they aren't, but whatever
makes you feel good. High heels are
great.
SHE NOW HAS THE HIGH HEELS ON.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 99.

MARY
I can't wear high heels - it's not
that kind of evening.

TIM
Not high heels then.
MARY
But then we have the short legs
problem.
CUT TO THE NEXT ONE.

MARY (CONT’D)
I don't think this one is too bad.
TIM
I think it's fabulous.
MARY
Really?

TIM
Yes.

MARY
What about the blue one?

LITTLE PAUSE.

TIM
The first one? The lumpy one that
wasn't actually lumpy?

MARY
Yes. Which do you prefer?

TIM
I don't know. I'm actually starting
to go a bit mad now.

SHE EMERGES IN THE ORIGINAL DRESS.

MARY
Okay, let's go with this then.
Although I think viz a viz breasts
it's a bit disappointing. Where are
the kids?

TIM
I left them downstairs.
MARY
Not in the room with the
manuscript.

TIM
I don't think so...

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 100.

CUT INTO THE LIVING ROOM. IT IS A FIRESTORM OF PAPER -

TOTALLY COVERED IN TORN AND COLOURED AND SHREDDED PAGES.
MARY
You are joking. You left them in
here. With the only copy of the
book in existence apart from the
one on John Le Carre's computer.
I'll be fired. The company will be
fired. My life is ruined.
TIM GOES TO WALK OUT OF THE ROOM.

TIM
Okay - take it easy - I'm just
going to...

MARY
Don't you dare leave the room. If
you leave the room, I'm leaving
you. I mean it - face it like a
man. Talk to me - how could you be
so stupid?

TIM
I just have to...
MARY
DON'T YOU DARE!

THE PHONE GOES.

MARY (CONT’D)
And don't you dare answer that.
What are we going to do?

TIM
Look, I'm sure we can, you know,
reconstruct it.
MARY
And how do you suggest we
reconstruct this? (A FULLY CHEWED
PAGE)

TIM
Well, no, that's not going to be
particularly easy. May not be a
very important page...

PAUSE. THE PHONE RINGS ON.

TIM (CONT’D)
I really think we should...
MARY
If you answer the goddamn phone, I
will kill you.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 101.

TIM
All right. I won't answer the
phone. But I must just go to the
little room...

THE PHONE IS STILL RINGING.

MARY
NO! “Sorry, Mr Le Carre - we've
read most of your book - but the
rest of it got eaten, or coloured
in - or actually shredded.”

TIM
Yes - I had no idea Posy actually
knew how to use that machine. In a
way, it's impressive, though
obviously not in a particularly
good way today.

MARY CAN'T BEAR IT ANY LONGER. SHE ANSWERS THE PHONE AND
SHOUTS INTO IT.
MARY
WHAT DO YOU WANT? Okay. Sorry I
shouted, Helen. He'll explain. It's
for you. Your Mum.

SHE HANDS TIM THE PHONE. HE TAKES THE PHONE AND JUST LISTENS.

TIM
Right - we'll come up.

HE HANGS UP.
MARY
What is it?

TIM
Dad. I'll call Kit Kat.

MARY
Is he all right?

TIM
No, he's not.

99 EXT/INT. FAMILY HOME. DAY. 99

THE FRONT DOOR. MUM ANSWERS. KIT KAT JUST SPRINTS STRAIGHT IN
PAST HER.

MUM
Hello Darling.

TIM
Mum. How are you?

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 102.

MUM
Honestly?
TIM
Why not?

MUM
Fucking furious. I am so...
disinterested in a life without
your father.
TIM HEADS INTO THE LIVING ROOM. THERE'S UNCLE D LOOKING OUT
THE WINDOW.

TIM
D. How are you?

UNCLE D
Do you know - I'm very well, though
a little hot. But your father I
think is not so well. Cancer.

TIM
Yes.

UNCLE D
I'm very unhappy about that. At
your wedding he said he loved me.

TIM
He does.

UNCLE D
I know. That was the best day of my
life. So this is probably the
worst.

THEIR EYES MEET. TWO EQUAL ADULTS. TIM HEADS ON IN TO HIS

DAD’S STUDY.

100 INT. DAD’S STUDY. DAY. 100

TIM
Dad.
IN CONTRAST TO THE DEEP SORROW OF THE REST OF THE HOUSE - IT
SEEMS LIKE BUSINESS AS USUAL FOR HIS FATHER.

DAD
O for God's sake - not you too?
TIM
What?

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 103.

DAD
Well, Kit Kat's just rolled up
blubbing her eyes out - and now
you're here. What's Mum been
saying?

TIM
The truth.

DAD
Yes, well, apart from that.

CUT TO THEM, SITTING IN HIS STUDY - THEY'VE BEEN TALKING.

DAD (CONT’D)
Don't think I haven't tried. It may
have been the smoking but I
couldn't undo that, as it was
before you were all born - and Mum
definitely wouldn't have gone out
with me at all if I hadn't been
such a sexy smoker. I did get it
found as soon as possible - but it
was too late.

TIM
How long?

DAD
O, you know, it could be years.
TIM
How long really?

DAD
Weeks, I'm afraid.

PAUSE. MOMENT OF AWKWARDNESS. SOMETHING STRANGE IN THE AIR.

TIM
Have we had this conversation
before?
DAD
Yes.
TIM
What happened?

DAD
I rather let myself down. Hugged
you.

AND TIM WALKS TOWARDS HIM - HIS DAD STANDS - HE HUGS HIM. AS
HE EMERGES FROM THE HUG.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 104.

DAD (CONT’D)
I never said we could fix things. I
specifically never said that. Life
is a mixed bag, no matter who you
are. Look at Jesus - he was the son
of God, for God’s sake, and his
life was still all a terrible old
fuck up.

TIM
I know - but you must see, I feel a
bit cheated.

DAD
Don’t - in fact feel the opposite -
the only people who give up work at
50 are the Time Travellers with
cancer who want to play more table
tennis with their sons.

TIM
Right - so that was...
DAD
Sorry we had to call. It's suddenly
got very bad - and Mum and I have
been fighting it alone for quite a
while.

TIM
Is there anything at all I can do?

DAD
I have thought of this one thing.
If we're very careful. Just do it
exactly the same...

101 EXT. BEACH. DAY. 101

CUT TO THE BEACH. FATHER AND SON WALKING ALONG TOGETHER, AWAY
FROM US. MUSIC PLAYS.
THEY GO DOWN A LITTLE DIP IN THE DUNES FOR A MOMENT - AND
WHEN THEY REAPPEAR, IN THE DISTANCE WE SEE THAT TIM IS 10
AGAIN, A LITTLE BOY HOLDING TIGHT TO HIS FATHER'S HAND...
WE WATCH THEM WALK AWAY - AS YOUNG TIM SKIPS AWAY AND TWIRLS
IN THE JOYFUL WIND AROUND THE FATHER HE HAS ALWAYS LOVED…

102 INT. DAD’S STUDY. DAY. 102

BACK IN THE STUDY, THE NEXT DAY. DAD IS LOOKING OUT TO SEA,
THEN TURNS...

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 105.

DAD
So. Tim. My son. Do you want to
know the secret - or do you want to
find it out for yourself - like I
did?

TIM
O Christ - there's not another
secret?
DAD
Less dramatic. More important. The
big one.

TIM
No - tell me. Let’s save some time.

AND WE CUT OUTSIDE THE WINDOW AS WHEN THEY FIRST SPOKE. WE

ARE NOT PARTY TO THE INFORMATION REVEALED.

103 INT. FAMILY HOME. DAY. 103

THE NEXT DAY. FATHER AND SON ARE STANDING BY THE FRONT DOOR.

DAD
Think about that thing I mentioned.
Practice.

TIM
I will. Thank you.

DAD
Mary.
SHE HUGS HIM - HE WHISPERS.

DAD (CONT’D)
I’ve left everything to you. Don’t
give him a penny.

MARY
Thanks. The moment you die, I’m
leaving him.

104 INT. TRAIN. DAY. 104

TIM IS ON THE TRAIN THINKING ABOUT WHAT HIS FATHER SAID. WE

ARE INTERESTED. WHAT WAS THE SECRET?
MARY
What did you two talk about all
that time?
TIM
Stuff. And you and Mum?

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 106.

MARY
We decided it would be best if you
never die. If you can work on
immortality that would be great.

HE LOOKS OUT THE WINDOW - WHEN HE TURNS BACK, A TEAR IS

FALLING DOWN HER CHEEK.
TIM
You’re such a wonderful woman. I’m
so lucky to have you.

105 INT. TIM AND MARY'S HOUSE. DAY. 105

BACK HOME IN BED...

MARY
What's your day tomorrow?

TIM
Ghastly. Long, boring meeting. Very
difficult case - very late night.

106 INT/EXT. LONDON. DAY. 106

DISTINCTIVE MUSIC PLAYS. FIRST, WE SEE TIM IN THE MIDDLE OF A
LONG LEGAL MEETING - WE SEE THEM ALL TALKING AND RORY IS
THERE - BUT WE ONLY NOTICE THE BORING DISCUSSION...
THEN TIM RUSHES LUNCH... BUYS A SANDWICH FROM 'PRET A
MANGER'.

HE GETS A PHONE CALL FROM KIT KAT AS HE AND RORY WALK TOWARDS
THE COURT. HE IS IMPATIENT HEARING FROM HER, TRYING TO GET
OFF THE CALL FROM THE VERY START...

TIM
Hey Kit Kat. How's things? O Good -
great. Look, I'm sorry, this isn't
a great time. Maybe later. Okay.
Okay. Well look, that's great - I'm
really pleased. Wow. Great. Good
old Teddy. Urgh. Honey - this is so
not the right time - I'm needed in
court in about five minutes. Okay.
Yes. I'm going to have to go or
I'll lose my job. Let's talk later.
Okay. Okay.
THEN INTO COURT. HE IS SUMMING UP TO THE JURY. HIS CLIENT IS
VERY WORRIED AND HE IS VERY TENSE - BUT HE GETS THE RESULT
THAT HE WANTED - ‘NOT GUILTY’ - AND, AS HE TIDIES HIS PAPERS,
HE SAYS TO HIMSELF “PHEW”.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 107.

COMING BACK HOME ON THE UNDERGROUND - BORED. CHECKING HIS

WATCH. TIRED. AN ANNOYING MAN ON THE TRAIN LISTENING TO HIS
TOO LOUD IPOD.

GETTING HOME LATE. HEADING OFF TO BED ASAP, AFTER THIS LITTLE
BIT OF EXHAUSTED DIALOGUE IN THE KITCHEN.
MARY
How was it?
TIM
Tough. Dull. Tense. Time for bed.

CUT TO THEM IN BED.

MARY
Light off?
TIM
Yes - though I might just pop to
the bathroom first...

CUT TO TIM IN THE BATHROOM.

TIM (CONT’D)
Okay, Dad, let’s give it a go.
HE SHUTS HIS FISTS AND TRAVELS.

107 INT/EXT. LONDON. DAY. 107

CUT STRAIGHT BACK TO THE START OF THE SAME DAY.

THE SAME LONG MEETING - WE SEE THEM ALL TALKING - BUT THIS
TIME WE SEE TIM LOOK ACROSS AT RORY WHO WE JUST GLIMPSED IN
THE BACKGROUND EARLIER - AND HE SMILES AT HIM - AND RORY
BEAMS BACK. RORY MIMES A LITTLE SECRET YAWN. THEN TIM GOES
BACK TO LISTENING... AND WHEN THE OTHER LAWYER SAYS SOMETHING
CLEVER SAYS “THAT IS A VERY GOOD POINT”.

THEN TIM RUSHES LUNCH... BUT THIS TIME, HE ENJOYS SCANNING

THE FOOD AND PICKS OUT SOMETHING NICE - AND THEN THERE'S A
PRETTY GIRL WHO SERVES HIM IN THE SAME WAY AS BEFORE, BUT HE
RESPONDS POSITIVELY AND CIVILLY TO HER.
HE GETS THE PHONE CALL FROM KIT KAT AS HE AND RORY ARE IN THE
CORRIDOR LEADING TO THE COURT.

TIM
Give me a second.
RORY
We are really late.
TIM
Just...

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 108.

AND HE STOPS AND TAKES THE CALL.

TIM (CONT’D)
Hey Kit Kat. How's everything?
You’re kidding! You’re kidding! O
Christ - I’m so sorry I’m in a tiny
bit of a rush...
RORY IS LITERALLY JUMPING UP AND DOWN WITH NERVES - THE
CORRIDORS ARE GETTING EMPTY - EVERYONE IS SUDDENLY AT WORK...
- but that is so great. Good old
Teddy. Say ‘yes’ - even if you’re
not sure - say ‘yes’. And yes - we
are absolutely free on Thursday.
I'm actually needed in court ten
minutes ago, so can’t tie down ALL
the details. But yes, my darling, I
love you and this is great news.
And I’ll ring you back a little bit
later when I’m not about to give a
close personal friend a heart
attack. Bye, sweetie, bye.

AND THEN HIM AND RORY SPRINT FASTER THAN USAIN BOLT ALONG THE
ANCIENT CORRIDOR IN THE DIRECTION OF THE COURTROOM.
CUT INTO THE COURT. THIS TIME THOUGH, INSTEAD OF THE MYOPIC
RUSHED VIEW - TIM SEES THE BEAUTY OF THE BRITISH COURTROOM,
GRAND, BEAUTIFUL, LEATHER, CIVILIZED, ORGANISED.
CUT TO HIS SUMMARY - “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY” - AND
HE LOOKS INTO THEIR EYES TO SEE THEM AS REAL PEOPLE, REALLY
LISTENING, TAKING THEIR JOB SERIOUSLY. AND HE LOOKS BACK AT
HIS CLIENT - REALLY CARING. HE CAN FEEL THE POWER OF WHAT
HE'S SAYING - SAYS IT WITH A LITTLE MORE RELISH.

AND THEN CUT TO THE VERDICT. AND WHEN THE JUROR SAYS 'NOT
GUILTY' - TIM IS UNCOOL - A HUGE SMILE - A WARM HANDSHAKE
WITH THE OVERJOYED CLIENT - A LOOK AT THE JURORS AND HOW
PROUD THEY ARE OF THEIR CORRECT DECISION. HIS EARLIER “PHEW” -
NO CELEBRATION, JUST RELIEF - IS REPLACED BY “HURRAY”.
COMING BACK HOME ON THE UNDERGROUND - LOOKING AT HIS WATCH.
ACCEPTING IT'S LATE - UNBUTTONING HIS JACKET, LOUNGING BACK.
ACTUALLY HEARING THE MUSIC COMING FROM THE MAN'S IPOD - AND
ENJOYING IT.

CUT TO MARY AND TIM IN BED AGAIN.

MARY
So, not as bad a day as expected?

TIM
No, pretty good actually. Very good
day really.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 109.

MARY
That’s a relief. If it’d been a bad
day, I thought I might have had to
have sex with you to make up for
it.

TIM
It was a very bad day. It went very
badly. I lost my job. I killed a
man. And I think I just heard one
of our children die downstairs.

HE GIVES HER A BIG SMILE. IT WAS EXACTLY THE SAME DAY - AND
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
TIM (V.O.)
And so I began to live the new life
my Dad gave me. Each day, lived
twice. Once with all the strains
and tensions that stop us noticing
how sweet the world can be - and
once, well, noticing.

108 INT. TRAIN. DAY. 108

MARY AND TIM ARE BACK ON THE TRAIN GOING NORTH... MUSIC
PLAYS.

TIM (V.O.)
Some days, of course, though, you
only want once...

109 INT. FAMILY HOME. DAY. 109

THE EMPTY HALLWAY AT HOME. THEN UNCLE D COMES DOWNSTAIRS,

FIXING HIS WAISTCOAT, BLACK SUIT. THEN KIT KAT, BLACK JEANS
AND T-SHIRT, NO SHOES. WITH HER NICE BOYFRIEND TEDDY. THEN
MARY IN A PRETTY BLACK DRESS. THEN TIM IN HIS SUIT, NOW
JOINED BY HIS MUM.
MUM
Right - are we ready for this?

HARRY COMES IN FROM THE NEXT ROOM, AND WALKS THROUGH.

HARRY
Course we’re not. Hateful day.

TIM
Just give me one minute.

HE GOES INTO THE TOILET - HE COMES OUT DRESSED IN NORMAL

CLOTHES. HE HEADS INTO THE STUDY. HIS DAD IN PERFECT HEALTH
IS SITTING IN HIS BIG LEATHER CHAIR, READING DICKENS...

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 110.

DAD
This bit's very good - can I just
read you this bit -

TIM
Read away. We've got all the time
in the world.
PAUSE - THERE'S SOMETHING ODD IN THE AIR AS TIM SITS.
DAD
Where have you come from?

THERE ARE TEARS IN TIM'S EYES.

DAD (CONT’D)
Okay - okay. Thanks for coming.
How's Uncle D's suit?
TIM
Immaculate.

DAD
Excellent. Mary’s dress?

TIM
Quite sexy actually.

DAD
Perfect. Did I mention I wanted
that Stevie Wonder track?

TIM
Yes - all set.
DAD
Excellent.

AND HE BEGINS TO READ A FUNNY PASSAGE FROM 'DOMBEY AND SON'

OUT LOUD, AS TIM SITS AND LISTENS.

110 EXT. FAMILY HOME. DAY. 110

OUTSIDE THE BIG CAR IS DRIVING AWAY, WITH ALL OF THEM IN IT.
IT'S THE DAY OF HIS DAD'S FUNERAL. STEVIE WONDER’S JUBILANT
“YESTER-ME, YESTER-YOU, YESTERDAY” PLAYS.

111 INT. TRAIN. DAY. 111

BACK IN LONDON, TIM AND MARY ARE ON THE TRAIN HOME. HE LOOKS
UP, THOUGHTFULLY. SHE IS LOOKING AT HIM. THE KIDS ARE WITH
THEM, ASLEEP...
TIM
Tough.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 111.

MARY
Tough. Though I thought Jenny
Arbuthnot looked cute in black.

TIM
True. She knows how to excite a
man.

112 INT. TIM AND MARY’S HOUSE. NIGHT. 112

THEY ARE LAYING THE KIDS DOWN AT NIGHT, CARRYING THEM IN FROM
THE TRAIN, LAYING THEM INTO BED. THEY CREEP BACK INTO THE
CORRIDOR. LEAN AGAINST THE WALL - END OF A LONG DAY....
MARY
What do you think about the kids?
TIM
What about them?

MARY
Not very many, are there?

TIM
I'm sorry?
CUT - THEY ARE SITTING ON CHAIRS IN THE RAMSHACKLE GARDEN,
BOTH DRINKING...

MARY
I just thought. Maybe - you know -
it's time for the insurance baby.
In case one of them is really
clever - we don't want the other
one to spend their whole life
feeling stupid - if we have another
one, at least we could have two
happy thickies.
TIM
You're so romantic.
MARY
What do you think?
PAUSE. WE KNOW IT’S A HUGE DECISION FOR HIM.

TIM
Cool. Cool. Dad always wished there
had been more of us... And anyway -
we might try and nothing happens.

MARY
Exactly.

A SHOT OF THE OLD FAMILY HOME. A SHOT OF THE NEW HOUSE. TIME
IS PASSING BY.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 112.

113 INT. TIM AND MARY'S HOUSE. DAY. 113

MARY IS VERY PREGNANT FOR THE THIRD TIME - IN THEIR BEDROOM.

MARY
Could be tonight.
TIM
And you cannot believe the detail
in which I know the route to the
hospital. Will you excuse me for a
sec - there's something I've got to
finish.

HE IS HEADING DOWNSTAIRS. GOES INTO THE LIVING ROOM, IN TOTAL

DARKNESS. STANDS THERE BOLDLY, FISTS CLENCHED.

114 EXT/INT. FAMILY HOME. DAY. 114

CUT TO OUTSIDE THE FAMILY HOME.

INSIDE TIM AND HIS DAD ARE PLAYING TABLE TENNIS. HIS DAD WINS
ONE FINAL LAST DRAMATIC POINT WITH A FLOURISH AND A SMASH.

DAD
O my God. I won. I haven't won for
years!

TIM
You finally got good.

DAD
What's my prize? Apart from the
Olympic gold medal, of course?

PAUSE. A BIG SMILE FROM TIM.

TIM
A kiss will have to do.

DAD
A kiss? A kiss?

TIM STEPS FORWARD AND KISSES HIS FATHER GENTLY ON THE CHEEK.
THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER. SUDDENLY IT IS CLEAR TO HIS DAD.
THIS IS THE LAST TIME.

DAD (CONT’D)
I get you. This is it then?
TIM
Yes. This is it.
DAD
My son.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 113.

TIM
My Dad.
THEY BOTH SMILE. PAUSE.

DAD
Or just one more game - I'd love to
beat you twice.

TIM
It's never going to happen.

DAD
“Who'd have thought it - father and
son for the 28th year in the
Olympic final - and young Tim
suddenly looking like a broken
man.”

115 EXT/INT. FAMILY HOME. WINTER. 115

CUT OUTSIDE THE FAMILY HOUSE AGAIN - BUT NOW IT'S WINTER -
SPECKS ON SNOW.

TIM (V.O.)
So now I'm almost up to date with
my story. Sometimes, just for fun -
I still bounce around -

CUT INSIDE, WHERE CHRISTMAS IS BEING CELEBRATED AROUND THE

TREE. TEDDY THE BOYFRIEND IS HOLDING A NEW IPAD.

TIM
Mum - surprisingly modern and good
taste gift for you.

MUM
Thank you. Open yours - it's even
better.

HE OPENS IT - THE MOST HIDEOUS HAT OF ALL TIME. THE FULL

KNITTED SANTA.

MUM (CONT’D)
What do you think?
TIM
I think it's GORGEOUS.

WE CUT TO HIS MUM, DELIGHTED, THEN CUT BACK TO TIM - HE IS

NOW HOLDING THE IPAD, NOT THE HAT.

Have you got one of these, Ted?

TEDDY IS WEARING THE HIDEOUS HAT.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 114.

TEDDY
No - I'd love one, but who really
needs it, when you’ve got this hat?

116 EXT/INT. TIM AND MARY'S HOUSE. DAY. 116

THE OUTSIDE OF THE LONDON HOUSE.

TIM (V.O.)
But in the end, I think I've at
last learnt the full message from
my strange adventures in time - the
truth is I now don't travel back at
all, not even for the day. I just
live every day as if I I’ve
deliberately come back to this one
day - to enjoy it as if it was the
full, final day of my lucky life...

IN THE BEDROOM. BOTH OF THEM IN BED. A GLOWING GREY DAY

OUTSIDE.
MARY
I'll do the kids.

TIM
No, don't worry - I'll do them.

MARY
Yes, you do them, lazy bastard.

SHE TURNS AND GOES BACK TO SLEEP. HE LOOKS AT HER AND LOVES
HER.
THE DEFINITIVE MUSIC OF THE FILM PLAYS. SUDDENLY, THE CAMERA
STYLE CHANGES SUBTLY - A SPECIAL BEAUTY IN EVERYTHING...

TIM HEADS DOWNSTAIRS - POSY'S WAITING, IN HER LITTLE PINK

SCHOOL UNIFORM - TIM STARTS TO MAKE BREAKFAST - THE LITTLE
BOY DRIFTS IN, ALL SLEEPY AND PYJAMA'D.
CUT TO TIM FLIPPING A PANCAKE UTTERLY BADLY.

POSY
You are the WORST.
LITTLE BOY
Want Mummy...

TIM LAUGHS AT HIS NAUGHTY SON.

117 INT/EXT. LONDON STREETS/BUS/LEGAL CHAMBERS. DAY. 117

HE WALKS POSY TO SCHOOL - WAVES TO HER OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL
GATES. WALKS AWAY - LOOKS AT THE STREETS HE WALKS EVERY DAY,
WITH THEIR PRIVATE CHARM.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012

 115.

HE RUNS AND CATCHES A BUS - A YOUNG GIRL AND AN OLD WOMAN

SITTING IN FRONT OF HIM CHAT ENTHUSIASTICALLY.
AT WORK RORY IS THERE - LOOKING CHAOTIC - WORKING HARD - INK
ON HIS FINGERS...

RORY
Hell of a day ahead.

TIM
We'll get through it.

A MORNING CUP OF TEA... IT'S JUST THE MOST UTTERLY NORMAL

DAY. BUT EVERYTHING IS FULL OF ORDINARY SPECIAL BEAUTY.
AND THEN CUT TO TIM AND RORY IN UTTER CHAOS RUSHING ALONG A
CORRIDOR, LATE AGAIN - WHEN HIS MOBILE GOES. IT IS MARY.
INTERCUT WITH HER. SHE IS ALSO IN A RUSH, SOMEWHERE ELSE IN
LONDON, LOOKING WONDERFUL, THE WIND BLOWING HER HAIR.

MARY
What time are you home tonight?

TIM
About 9, I hope. You?
MARY
6. What do you fancy for dinner, my
hungry husband?
TIM
You decide.

MARY
Risotto?

TIM
What flavour?
MARY
Maybe chicken.
TIM
Chicken would be absolute heaven.
HE HANGS UP, STEPS FORWARD. FREEZE.

AND THAT IS THAT - THE REALITY OF DINNER WITH SOMEONE YOU

LOVE AT THE END OF A NORMAL WORKING DAY IS ACTUALLY WHAT
HEAVEN IS.
'MOMENTS OF PLEASURE' BY KATE BUSH PLAYS OVER THE CREDITS,
WHICH CONSIST OF BITS OF REAL FILM, OF REAL PEOPLE’S
FAVOURITE MOMENTS OF THEIR OWN EXTRAORDINARY, ORDINARY LIVES.

RC ABOUT TIME MARCH 8 2012