Planning Business

Messages
CHAP TER

2
Learning Outcomes
After studying this chapter,
you should be able to do
the following:

1 List the steps in the

communication process.

2 Describe the goals of

business writers and three
phases of the writing
process.

3 Identify the intended

purpose and audience of a
message to select the best
communication channel.

4 Discuss expert writing

techniques that improve
business messages.

5 Apply writing tech-

niques that improve the
tone, clarity, and effec-
tiveness of a message.

ESB Basic/[Link]

2-1 Exploring the Communication Process

Communication technology and digital media dominate nearly all aspects our lives—
the way we work, play, learn, socialize, conduct business, and connect with each other.
As the world becomes increasingly interconnected, people are communicating more
than ever. They are sending and receiving a staggering number of digital messages
through many channels. However, even as we routinely connect and exchange
information via e-mail, texts, instant messages, tweets, Slack, Zoom, and other
interactive media, the basic elements of the communication process remain largely
unchanged.

38
 Figure 2.1 The Communication Process

Noise and barriers often disrupt the communication process. Success requires
communicators to choose words carefully and plan strategies to overcome
barriers and noise.

Barrier Barrier

Noise

SENDER MESSAGE RECEIVER

encodes idea transmitted over channel decodes

Noise
Noise

Barrier

RECEIVER SENDER
decodes feedback FEEDBACK encodes feedback

In its simplest form, communication may be defined as the transmission of

information and meaning from a sender to a receiver. The crucial element in this
definition is meaning. The process is successful only when the receiver understands an
LEARNING
OUTCOME 1
List the steps in the
idea as the sender intended it. How does an idea travel from one person to another? communication process.
It involves a sensitive circular process, shown in Figure 2.1. This process can easily be
sidetracked, resulting in miscommunication. The process of communication achieves its
purpose when both the sender and receiver understand the process and how to make
it work. In our discussion we are most concerned with professional communication in
the workplace so that you can be successful as a business communicator in your career.

2-1a Sender Has Idea

The communication process begins when the sender has an idea. The form of the idea
may be influenced by complex factors surrounding the sender. These factors include
mood, frame of reference, background, culture, and physical makeup, as well as the
context of the situation and many other factors. Senders shape their ideas based
on their own experiences and assumptions. When senders know their purpose and In explaining the
anticipate the expected response, they are better able to shape successful messages. need for plain English
in a new Securities
and Exchange Com-
2-1b Sender Encodes Idea
mission rule, Con-
The next step in the communication process involves encoding. This means converting gressman Sean Casten
the idea into words or gestures that will convey meaning. A major problem in sagely observed,
communicating any message verbally is that words have different meanings for different “The simplest test
people. Recognizing how easy it is to be misunderstood, skilled communicators choose of communication is
familiar, concrete words. In choosing proper words and symbols, senders must be alert whether the person
to the receiver’s communication skills, attitudes, background, experiences, and culture. you’re communicating
Including a smiley face in an e-mail announcement to stockholders may turn them off. with understands it.”1
International messages require even more caution. In the United Kingdom, scheme Sean Casten,
is a neutral word describing an officially organized plan or system. In the United States, scientist, clean-energy
however, scheme means deceit. Successful messages are conveyed with appropriate entrepreneur, author,
words, gestures, and symbols that match the situation. Effective messages also make it Congressman from Illinois
easy for the receiver to respond.

Chapter 2: Planning Business Messages 39

 2-1c Sender Selects Channel and Transmits Message
The medium over which the message travels is the channel. Messages may be
delivered by e-mail, SMS text, instant message, social media post, letter, memorandum,
report, announcement, picture, spoken word, fax, Web page, or some other channel.
Messages carried over digital networks face much opportunity for distraction and
communication breakdown. Receivers may be overloaded with incoming messages or
distracted by the many other functions of their devices. Only well-crafted messages
may be accepted, understood, and acted on.
Anything that interrupts the transmission of a message in the communication
process is called noise. Channel noise may range from a weak Wi-Fi signal to sloppy
formatting and typos in e-mail messages. Noise may even include the annoyance a
receiver feels when the sender chooses an improper channel for transmission or when
the receiver is jammed with messages and information.

2-1d Receiver Decodes Message

The individual for whom the message is intended is the receiver. Translating the
message from its symbol form into meaning involves decoding. Only when the receiver
understands the meaning intended by the sender—that is, successfully decodes the
message—does communication take place. Such success is often difficult to achieve
because of a number of barriers that block the process.
No two people share the same life experiences or have the same skills. Decoding
can be disrupted internally by the receiver’s lack of attention, by bias against the
sender, or by competing messages. It can be disrupted externally by loud sounds
or illegible words. Decoding can also be sidetracked by semantic obstacles, such as
misunderstood words or emotional reactions to certain loaded terms. Alert receivers
decode successfully with a receptive attitude while minimizing distractions.

2-1e Feedback Returns to Sender

The verbal and nonverbal responses of the receiver create feedback, a vital part of
the communication process. Feedback helps the sender know that the message was
received and understood. Senders can encourage feedback by asking questions such
as Am I making myself clear? and Is there anything you don’t understand? Senders can
further improve feedback by timing the delivery appropriately and by providing only as
much information as the receiver can handle.
Receivers improve the communication process by providing clear and complete
feedback. In business one of the best ways to advance understanding is to paraphrase
the sender’s message with comments such as Let me see if I understood you correctly.

2-2 Applying the 3-x-3 Writing Process

to Business Messages
LEARNING
OUTCOME 2
Describe the goals of
Digital technologies enable you to choose from innumerable communication
channels to create, transmit, and respond to messages. Regardless of channel, nearly
all communication revolves around writing. Because writing is central to nearly all
business writers and three business communication, this chapter presents a systematic plan for preparing business
phases of the writing messages in the digital era.
process.

2-2a Understanding the Goals of Business Writers

One thing you should immediately recognize about business writing is that it differs from
other writing you have done. In preparing high school or college compositions and term
papers, you probably focused on discussing your feelings or displaying your knowledge.
Your instructors wanted to see your thought processes, and they wanted assurance that you
had internalized the subject matter. You may have been required to meet a minimum word
40 Chapter 2: Planning Business Messages
count. Business writing is definitely not like that! It also differs from personal messages you
may exchange with your friends and family. Those messages enabled you to stay connected
and express your feelings. In the workplace, however, writing should be:
■ Purposeful. Your goal will be to solve problems and convey information. Each
message should have a definite strategy.
■ Economical. You will try to present ideas clearly but concisely. Length is not
rewarded.
■ Audience centered. You will look at a problem from the perspective of the audience
instead of seeing it from your own.

These distinctions actually ease your task. No more searching your imagination for Author David Silverman
creative topic ideas. No stretching your ideas to make them appear longer. Writing blasts “an educational
consultants and businesspeople complain that many college graduates entering the system that rewards
workplace have a conscious—or perhaps unconscious—perception that quantity length over clarity.”
enhances quality. Wrong! Get over the notion that longer is better. Whether you are Students learn to over-
presenting your ideas in print, online, or in person, conciseness and clarity are what write, he says, in hopes
counts in business. that at least some of
The ability to prepare purposeful, concise, and audience-centered messages does their sentences “hit the
not come naturally. Very few people, especially beginners, can sit down and draft mark.” Once on the job,
an effective e-mail message, letter, or report without training. However, following a they continue to act as
systematic process, studying model messages, and practicing the craft can make nearly if they were paid by the
anyone a successful business writer or speaker. word, a perception that
must be unlearned.2
2-2b Following the 3-x-3 Writing Process
David Silverman,
Regardless of what you are writing, the process will be easier if you follow a systematic entrepreneur and business
plan. The 3-x-3 writing process breaks the entire task into three phases: prewriting, teacher
drafting, and revising, as shown in Figure 2.2.
To illustrate the writing process, let’s say you own a popular fast-food restaurant
that’s part of a large franchise. Corporate management recently installed digital kiosks
to automate ordering. You aren’t happy with the new plan because customers are
confused, and many refuse to use the digital kiosk. To assist customers, an employee
must stand nearby to help. After placing an order, a customer often must still go
to a cashier to pay. You fail to see how kiosk ordering is boosting your profit. Your
customers clearly prefer cashiers to kiosk ordering, especially when they are ordering
more than one item.
You want to convince other franchise owners in the district to join you in protesting
this unwanted change. To convince others, you could make a lot of telephone calls
or send many text messages. However, you want to present a serious argument with
compelling points that the recipients will remember and be willing to act on when they
gather for their next district meeting. Texting doesn’t enable you to make a serious
argument. You decide to send a persuasive e-mail that you hope will win their support.
Prewriting. The first phase of the writing process prepares you to write. It involves
analyzing the audience and your purpose for writing. The audience for your message
will be other franchise owners, some highly educated and others not. Your purpose
in writing is to convince them that rolling back the new policy would restore customer
service and please patrons. Creating a single-line system, such as that used in banks,
may reduce the chaos.
Prewriting also involves anticipating how your audience will react to your message.
You are sure that some of the other owners will agree with you, but others might fear
that customers seeing a long single line might go elsewhere. In adapting your message
to the audience, you try to think of the right words and the right tone that will win
approval.
Drafting. The second phase involves researching, organizing, and then drafting the
message. In researching information for this message, you would probably investigate
Chapter 2: Planning Business Messages 41
 Figure 2.2 The 3-x-3 Writing Process

1 Prewriting 2 Drafting 3 Revising

Analyze Research Edit

What is your purpose?
What do you want the receiver to do or
believe?
What channel should you choose: lead-ins, redundancies, and trite
face-to-face conversation, group meeting,
e-mail, memo, letter, report, blog, Slack,
tweet? numbered and bulleted lists for quick
What are the benefits or barriers of
each channel? message?

Anticipate Organize Proofread

What is the audience profile?
What does the receiver already know? idea first, followed by an explanation in
the body and an action request in the Look for errors in spelling, grammar,
Will the receiver’s response be neutral,
positive, or negative? How will the
response affect your organizational
strategy?

Adapt Draft Evaluate

What techniques can you use to adapt
your message to its audience? Does the tone sound pleasant and
How can you promote feedback? friendly rather than curt?
What can you do to ensure positive, Have you thought enough about the
conversational, and courteous language? key ideas, using pronouns, and audience to be sure this message is
incorporating appropriate transitional appealing?

other kinds of businesses that use kiosks and single lines. You might check your
competitors. What are McDonald’s, Wendy’s, and Burger King doing? You might do
some calling to see whether other franchise owners are concerned about the new
kiosks and chaotic lines. Before writing to the entire group, you might brainstorm with a
few owners to see what ideas they have for solving the problem.
Once you have collected enough information, you would focus on organizing your
message. Should you start out by offering your solution? Or should you work up to it
slowly, describing the problem, presenting your evidence, and then ending with the
solution? The final step in the second phase of the writing process is actually drafting
the letter. At this point many writers write quickly, knowing that they will polish their
ideas when they revise.
Revising. The third phase of the process involves editing, proofreading, and evaluating
your message. After writing the first draft, you will spend considerable time editing the
message for clarity, conciseness, tone, and readability. Could parts of it be rearranged
to make your point more effectively? This is the time when you look for ways to improve
the organization and tone of your message. Next, you will spend time proofreading
carefully to ensure correct spelling, grammar, punctuation, and format. The final phase
involves evaluating your message to decide whether it accomplishes your goal.

2-2c Pacing the Writing Process

The time you spend on each phase of the writing process varies depending on the
complexity of the problem, the purpose, the audience, and your schedule. On average,
you should expect to spend about 25 percent of your time prewriting, 25 percent
drafting, and 50 percent revising, as shown in Figure 2.3.

42 Chapter 2: Planning Business Messages

 Figure 2.3 Scheduling the Writing Process

Although the writing process looks like a linear set of steps, it actually is recursive,
enabling writers to revise their work continually as they progress. However, careful
planning can avoid wasted time and frustration caused by rethinking and reorganizing
during drafting.

Prewriting
25%

Revising Drafting
50% 25%

These are rough guidelines, yet you can see that good writers spend most of their
time on the final phase of revising and proofreading. Much depends, of course, on
your project, its importance, and your familiarity with it. What is critical to remember,
though, is that revising is a major component of the writing process even if the message
is short.
It may appear that you perform one step and progress to the next, always following
the same order. Most business writing, however, is not that rigid. Although writers
perform the tasks described, the steps may be rearranged, abbreviated, or repeated.
Some writers revise every sentence and paragraph as they go. Many find that new ideas
occur after they have begun to write, causing them to back up, alter the organization,
and rethink their plan. Beginning business writers often follow the writing process
closely. With experience, though, they will grow like other good writers and presenters
who alter, compress, and rearrange the steps as needed.

2-3 Analyzing the Purpose and Anticipating

the Audience
Have you ever started to write a message and discovered toward the end that your
purpose changed? Were you frustrated at the wasted time? If you analyze your purpose
before you begin, you can avoid having to backtrack and start over. The remainder of
LEARNING
OUTCOME 3
Identify the intended
this chapter covers the first phase of the 3-x-3 writing process: (a) analyzing the purpose purpose and audience of a
for writing, (b) anticipating how the audience will react, and (c) adapting the message to message to select the best
the audience. communication channel.

2-3a Determining Your Purpose

As you begin to compose a workplace message, ask yourself two important questions:
(a) Why am I sending this message? and (b) What do I hope to achieve? Your responses
will determine how you organize and present the information.
Your message may have primary and secondary purposes. For college work your
primary purpose may be merely to complete the assignment; secondary purposes

Chapter 2: Planning Business Messages 43

 might be to make yourself look good and to earn an excellent grade. The primary
purposes for sending business messages are typically to inform and persuade. A
secondary purpose is to promote goodwill. You and your organization want to look
good in the eyes of your audience.
Many business messages do nothing more than inform. Informational messages
explain procedures, announce meetings, answer questions, and transmit findings. Such
messages are usually developed directly, as discussed in Chapter 3. Some business
messages, however, are meant to persuade. Persuasive messages attempt to sell
products, convince managers, motivate employees, and win over customers. Persuasive
messages are often developed indirectly, as presented in Chapter 3 and subsequent
chapters.

2-3b Anticipating the Audience

Before writing any message, spend a moment thinking about the audience who
will receive it. What is the reader or listener like? How will that person react to the
message? Although one can’t always know exactly who the receiver is, it is possible to
imagine some of that person’s characteristics. A copywriter at a major retailer imagines
his sister-in-law whenever he writes product descriptions for the catalog.
Identifying your audience is a pivotal step in the writing process. The questions in
Figure 2.4 will help you understand your audience.
How much time you devote to answering these questions depends on your
message and its context. An analytical report that you compose for management or
an oral presentation before a big group would, of course, demand considerable time
identifying the audience. An e-mail message to a coworker or a message to a familiar
supplier might require only a few moments of planning.
Preparing a blog post on an important topic to be published to a company website
would require you to think about the local, national, and international audiences that
might read that message. Even posting brief personal messages on Facebook, Twitter,
or Tumblr should make you think about who will read them. How much of your day and
life do you want to share? Will customers and business partners be reading your posts?
No matter how short your message is, spend some time thinking about the people
in your audience so that you can tailor your words to them. Remember that your
receivers will be thinking, What’s in it for me? (WIIFM). One of the most important
writing tips you can take away from this book is remembering that every message you
write should begin with the notion that your audience is thinking WIIFM.

Figure 2.4 Questions to Help You Identify Your Audience

Primary Audience Secondary Audience

Who is my primary reader or listener? Who might see or hear this message in
What are my personal and professional addition to the primary audience?
relationships with this person? How do these people differ from the
How much does this person know primary audience?
about the subject? Do I need to include more background
What do I know about this person’s information?
education, beliefs, culture, and abilities? How must I reshape my message to
Should I expect a neutral, positive, or make it understandable and accessible
negative response to my message? to others to whom it might be
forwarded?

44 Chapter 2: Planning Business Messages

2-3c Tailoring Your Message to the Audience
Identifying your audience helps you make decisions about shaping the message. You
will discover what language is appropriate, whether you are free to use specialized
technical terms, whether you should explain the background, and so on. Identifying the
audience helps you decide whether your tone should be formal or informal. When you
identify the audience, you are better able to anticipate whether the receiver is likely to
respond positively or negatively to your message, or be neutral about it.
Another consideration in identifying your audience is the possibility of a secondary
audience. Let’s say, for example, that you start to write an e-mail message to your
manager, Keira, describing a problem you are having. Halfway through the message,
you realize that Keira will probably forward this message to her boss, the vice president.
Super-efficient Keira will probably not want to rewrite what you said; instead, she may
take the easy route and merely forward your e-mail. When you realize that the vice
president may see this message, you decide to use a more formal tone. You remove
your inquiry about Keira’s family, you reduce your complaints, and you tone down
your language about why things went wrong. Instead, you provide more background
information, and you are more specific in identifying items the vice president might
not recognize. Analyzing the task and anticipating the audience help you adapt your
message so it will be effective for both primary and secondary receivers.

2-3d Choosing the Best Channel

After identifying the purpose and the audience of your message, you will want to
choose the most appropriate communication channel as illustrated in Figure 2.5. Your
decision to use a live chat, send an e-mail message, schedule a videoconference, or
select some other channel depends on some of the following factors:
■ Available technology
■ Importance of the message
■ Amount and speed of feedback and interactivity required
■ Necessity of a permanent record
■ Cost of the channel
■ Degree of formality desired
■ Confidentiality and sensitivity of the message
■ Receiver’s preference and level of technical expertise

Figure 2.5 Comparing Rich and Lean Communication Channels

VIDEO T
CHA

PHONE
CALL
EMAIL

FACE-T0-FACE
CONVERSATION

Chapter 2: Planning Business Messages 45

 In addition to these practical issues, you will also need to consider how rich the
channel is, shown in Figure 2.5. The richness of a channel involves the extent to which
a channel or medium recreates or represents all the information available in the original
message. A richer medium, such as a face-to-face conversation or a live video chat,
permits more interactivity and feedback. A leaner medium, such as a letter or an e-mail,
presents a flat, one-dimensional message. Richer media enable the sender to provide
more verbal and visual cues as well as to tailor the message to the audience.
Choosing the wrong medium can result in a message that is less effective or even
misunderstood. If, for example, marketing manager Eli must motivate the sales force to
increase sales in the fourth quarter, he is unlikely to achieve his goal if he merely posts
an announcement on the office bulletin board, writes a memo, or sends an e-mail.
“When it comes to Eli could be more persuasive with a richer channel, such as individual face-to-face
writing engaging con- conversations or a group meeting to stimulate sales. For sales reps on the road, a richer
tent, ‘you’ is the most medium would be a videoconference (i.e., a virtual meeting). In choosing channels,
powerful word in the keep in mind two tips: (a) Use the richest media available, and (b) employ richer media
English language, for more persuasive or personal communication.
because people are
ultimately interested
in fulfilling their own
2-4 Employing Expert Writing Techniques
needs.”5 to Adapt to Your Audience
Brian Clark, founder of After analyzing the purpose and anticipating the audience, writers begin to think about
Copyblogger, a leading how to adapt a message to the task and the audience. Adaptation is the process of
marketing blog creating a message that suits the audience. Skilled communicators employ a number of
expert writing techniques such as featuring audience benefits, cultivating a “you” view,
and sounding conversational but professional.

2-4a Focusing on Audience Benefits

LEARNING
OUTCOME 4
Discuss expert writing
Spotlighting the needs of the audience sounds like a modern idea, but actually one of
America’s early statesmen and authors recognized this fundamental writing principle
more than 200 years ago. In describing effective writing, Ben Franklin observed, “To be
techniques that improve good, it ought to have a tendency to benefit the reader.”3 This wise insight has become
business messages. an essential guideline for today’s business communicators.
Expanding on Franklin’s counsel, a contemporary communication consultant gives
this solid advice to his business clients: “Always stress the benefit to the audience of
whatever it is you are trying to get them to do. If you can show them how you are going
to save them frustration or help them meet their goals, you have the makings of a
powerful message.”4 Remember, WIIFM!
Adapting your message to the receiver’s needs means putting yourself in that
person’s shoes. This ability to share someone else’s feelings is called empathy.
Empathic senders think about how a receiver will decode a message. They try to give
something to the receiver, solve the receiver’s problems, save the receiver’s money, or
just understand the feelings and position of that person. Which version of each of the
following messages is more appealing to the audience?

Sender Focus Audience Focus

All employees are herewith instructed to By filling out the attached survey, you can
fill out the attached survey so that we can be one of the first employees to sign up for
allocate our limited training resource funds our limited training funds.
to selected employees.

Our one-year warranty becomes effective Your one-year warranty begins working
only when we receive the owner’s for you as soon as you return your owner’s
registration. registration.

46 Chapter 2: Planning Business Messages

2-4b Cultivating the “You” View
Notice that many of the previous audience-centered messages had included the word
“you.” In focusing on audience benefits, skilled communicators naturally develop
the “you” view. They emphasize second-person pronouns (you, your) instead of first-
person pronouns (I/we, us, our). Whether your goal is to inform, persuade, or promote
goodwill, the catchiest words you can use are you and your. Compare the following
examples.

“I/We” View “You” View

I need your account number before I can do Would you mind giving me your account
anything about your claim. number so that I can locate your records
and help you solve this problem?

Our experienced staff has created a Join an upcoming webinar to learn which
webinar that teaches how to use Instagram of your Instagram photos are generating
more productively. the most engagement to promote your
business.

A survey revealed that you phrasing was more effective than we phrasing for
conveying ideas related to interest and intent, such as in sales and marketing messages.
Researchers argued that you phrasing does a better job of subconsciously grabbing
attention and transferring ownership to the receiver.6
Although you want to focus on the reader or listener, don’t overuse or misuse the
second-person pronoun you. Readers and listeners appreciate genuine interest; on the
other hand, they resent obvious attempts at manipulation. The authors of some sales
messages, for example, are guilty of overkill when they include you dozens of times
in a direct-mail promotion. What’s more, the word can sometimes create the wrong
impression. Consider this statement: You cannot return merchandise until you receive
written approval. The word you appears twice, but the reader may feel singled out
for criticism. In the following version, the message is less personal and more positive:
Customers may return merchandise with written approval.
Another difficulty in emphasizing the “you” view and de-emphasizing we/I is that it
may result in overuse of the passive voice. For example, to avoid writing We will give
you (active voice), you might write You will be given (passive voice). You will receive,
though, is active voice and a better option here. The active voice in writing is generally
preferred because it identifies who is doing the acting. You will learn more about active
and passive voice in Chapter 3.
In recognizing the value of the “you” view, however, you don’t have to sterilize your
writing and totally avoid any first-person pronouns or words that show your feelings.
You can convey sincerity, warmth, and enthusiasm by the words you choose. Don’t be
afraid of phrases such as I’m happy or We’re delighted, if you truly are. When speaking
face-to-face, you can show sincerity and warmth with nonverbal cues such as a smile
and a pleasant voice tone. In e-mails, letters, memos, and digital messages in general,
only expressive words and phrases can show your feelings. These phrases suggest a
pleasing secondary meaning that says You are important, I hear you, and I’m honestly
trying to please you.

2-4c Sounding Conversational but Professional

Most business messages replace conversation. That’s why an informal, conversational
tone is usually more effective than a formal, pretentious tone. Just how informal you
can be depends greatly on the workplace. At Google, writing skews casual. In a short
message to users describing changes in its privacy policies, Google staff members
wrote, “We believe this stuff matters.”7 In more traditional organizations, that message
probably would have been more formal. The dilemma for you, then, is knowing how

Chapter 2: Planning Business Messages 47

 Once signaling incompetency and unprofessionalism, emojis are
enjoying greater acceptance in the workplace. Messages with
playful emojis build positive emotional associations and help
create team spirit. In clipped e-mail and smartphone messages,

[Link]/[Link]
they introduce warmth and reduce misunderstandings. However,
seemingly harmless images such as winky faces, tearful eyes,
and blowing kisses can also send unclear messages. Are they flir-
tatious or just good-humored fun? Although increasingly seen in
personal chats and text messages, emojis in the workplace must
be used cautiously and sparingly.8 If you were asked to advise
recent grads about how to use emojis in workplace messages,
what restrictions would you suggest?

casual to be in your writing. We suggest that you strive to be conversational but

professional, especially until you learn what your organization prefers.
E-mail, instant messaging, chat, Twitter, and other short messaging channels enable
you and your coworkers to have spontaneous conversations. Don’t, however, let your
messages become sloppy, unprofessional, or even dangerous. You will learn more
about the potential risks of e-mail and other digital channels later. At this point, though,
we focus on the tone of the language.
To project a professional image, you want to sound educated and mature. The
overuse of expressions such as super, totally awesome, insanely, you know, and like,
as well as a reliance on unnecessary abbreviations (BTW for by the way), may make a
businessperson sound immature. Emojis are fun to pop into casual personal messages,
but think twice before using them at work. See the Workplace in Focus to learn how
emojis can send ambiguous messages on the job. Professional messages do not
include texting-style abbreviations, slang, sentence fragments, and chitchat. We urge
you to adopt a warm, conversational tone and diction. As shown in Figure 2.6, levels of
diction range from unprofessional to formal. Most business messages fall in the middle.
Your goal is a warm, friendly tone that sounds professional. Although some writers
are too casual, others are overly formal. To impress readers and listeners, they use big
words, long sentences, legal terminology, and third-person constructions. Stay away
from expressions such as the undersigned, the writer, and the affected party. You will
sound friendlier with familiar pronouns such as I, we, and you. The following examples
illustrate a professional yet conversational tone:

Figure 2.6 Levels of Diction and Tone

Unprofessional Conversational Formal

badmouth criticize denigrate
guts nerve courage
pecking order line of command dominance hierarchy
ticked off upset provoked
rat on inform betray
rip off steal expropriate

48 Chapter 2: Planning Business Messages

 Unprofessional Professional
Hey, boss, Gr8 news! Firewall now installed!! Ms. Williams, our new firewall software is
BTW, check with me b4 blasting the news. now installed. Please check with me before
announcing it.

Look, dude, this report is totally bogus. Because the figures in this report seem
And the figures don’t look kosher. Show me questionable, please submit the source
some real stats. Got sources? statistics.

Overly Formal Conversational

All employees are herewith instructed Please return the contracts to me.
to return the appropriately designated
contracts to the undersigned.

Pertaining to your order, we must verify We will send your order as soon as we
the sizes that your organization requires confirm the sizes you need.
prior to consignment of your order to our
shipper.

2-5 Improving the Tone and Clarity of a Message

As you continue to improve your writing skills, you can use additional expert techniques
LEARNING
OUTCOME 5
Apply writing techniques
that improve the tone, clarity, and effectiveness of a message. These valuable that improve the tone,
techniques include using a positive and courteous tone, bias-free language, plain clarity, and effectiveness
words, and precise terms. Take a look at Model Document 2.1 to see how you can of a message.
improve an e-mail message by applying several professional writing techniques.

2-5a Choosing to Be Positive Rather Than Negative

You can improve the clarity, tone, and effectiveness of a message choosing positive
rather than negative language. Positive language generally conveys more information
than negative language does. Moreover, positive messages are uplifting and pleasant
to read. Positive wording tells what is and what can be done rather than what isn’t and
what can’t be done. For example, Your order cannot be shipped by January 10 is not
nearly as informative as Your order will be shipped January 15.
An office supply store adjacent to an ice cream parlor in Portland, Maine, posted a
sign on its door that reads: Please enjoy your ice cream before you enjoy our store. That
sounds much more positive and inviting than No food allowed!10 “Positive tone is
Using positive language also involves avoiding negative words that create ill will. clearer and helps
Some words appear to blame or accuse your audience. For example, opening a letter us get things done
to a customer with You claim that suggests that you don’t believe the customer. Other because its phrasing
loaded words that can get you in trouble are complaint, criticism, defective, failed, is simpler and it uses
mistake, and neglected. Also avoid phrases such as you apparently are unaware of, you fewer words. By phras-
did not provide, you misunderstood, and you don’t understand. Often you may not ing messages posi-
realize the effect of these words. Notice in the following examples how you can revise tively, you encourage
the negative tone to create a more positive impression. people to buy into
your ideas and estab-
lish good relationships
Negative Positive
for the future. Posi-
Our request for a fitness center will never Our request for a fitness center could be tive tone is a credibil-
be approved without senior management approved if we obtain senior management ity builder.”9
support. support.
Leigh Geraghty,
You failed to include your credit card We look forward to completing your order communication skills
number, so we can’t mail your order. as soon as we receive your credit card trainer, Wavelength
number.

Chapter 2: Planning Business Messages

(Continued) 49
 Model Document 2.1 Improving the Tone and Clarity of an E-Mail Message

Options... HTML

To: TechNRG Team Members

From: Lesley Hovanesian <[Link]@[Link]>
Subject: Company Must Cut Back Employee Driving Trips to Office

Emphasizes Our company faces harsh governmental penalties if we fail to comply with the Air
sender’s rather Quality Management District’s program to reduce the number of automobile trips
than receiver’s
viewpoint
made by employees.

The aforementioned program stipulates that we offer incentives to entice employees Uses unfamiliar
to discontinue driving their vehicles as a means of transportation to and from this words
place of employment. (aforementioned,
stipulates, entice)
Presents ideas First, we are prepared to offer a full day off without penalty. However, the employee
negatively (penalty, must not drive to work and must maintain a 75 percent vanpool participation rate for
must not drive,
six months. Second, we offer a vanpool subsidy of $100 a month, and vanpool drivers
will not be limited,
will not be forced) will not be limited in the personal use they make of the vehicle on their own time. Doesn’t use plain
and assumes Third, employees in the vanpool will not be forced to park in outlying lots. language
driver will be male (pertaining to,
Pertaining to our need to have you leave your cars at home, all employees are herewith, facilitating,
herewith instructed to communicate with Tovia Tkachenko, who will be facilitating the above-referenced)
above-referenced program.

Options... HTML

To: TechNRG Team Members

From: Lesley Hovanesian <[Link]@[Link]>
Subject: Great Perks for Driving Less

Hi, Team,

Opens with “you” view Want to earn a full day off with pay, reduce the stress of your commute, and pay a lot
and audience benefits less for gas? You can enjoy these and other perks if you make fewer driving trips to
the office.

As part of the Air Quality Management District’s Trip Reduction Plan, you can enjoy
the following benefits by reducing the number of trips you make to work:

Phrases options in • Full Day Off. If you maintain a 75 percent participation rate in our ride-share
bulleted list with program for a six-month period, you will receive one day off with pay.
“you” view highlight-
ing benefits (day off, • Vanpool Subsidy. By joining a vanpool, you will receive assistance in obtaining
less driving stress, a van along with a monthly $100 subsidy. Even better, if you become a vanpool
lower gas bill) driver, you will also have unlimited personal use of the vehicle off company time.

• Preferential Parking. By coming to work in vanpools, you can park close to the
building in reserved spaces.

Repeats audience Why not help the environment, reduce your gas bill, and enjoy other perks by joining
benefits with this program? For more information and to sign up, please contact Tovia Tkachenko
conversational tone
at [Link]@[Link] before February 3.
and familiar words
Les
Lesley Hovanesian | Senior Coordinator, Human Resources
[Link]@[Link] | (424) 962-8899

50 Chapter 2: Planning Business Messages

 Negative Positive
Your e-mail of June 9 claims that you Your June 9 e-mail describes a headset you
returned a defective headset. returned.

Employees cannot park in Lot H until April 1. Employees may park in Lot H starting
April 1.

2-5b Expressing Courtesy

Maintaining a courteous tone involves not just guarding against rudeness but also
avoiding words that sound demanding or preachy. Expressions such as you should, you
“What’s my problem
must, and you have to cause people to instinctively react with Oh, yeah? One remedy with ‘No problem’?
is to turn these demands into rhetorical questions that begin with Will you please . . . . Why do I pine so for
Giving reasons for a request also softens the tone.
‘You’re welcome’? Is
Even when you feel justified in displaying anger, remember that losing your temper
it just sentimental
or being sarcastic will seldom accomplish your goals as a business communicator: nostalgia? Nothing
to inform, to persuade, and to create goodwill. When you are irritated, frustrated,
of the kind. It’s
or infuriated, keep cool and try to defuse the situation. In dealing with customers in
the informality! …
phone conversations, use polite phrases such as these: I would be happy to assist you
There’s an implicit,
with that, Thank you for being so patient, and It was a pleasure speaking with you. The albeit unintentional,
following examples show a courteous and helpful attitude:
condescension in the
‘No problem’ come-
Less Courteous More Courteous and Helpful back. As if to say
‘You’re interrupting
Jaylen, you must complete all performance Jaylen, will you please complete all my busy life, but I’ll
reviews by April 1. performance reviews by April 1.
make a little time for
Why can’t you people get anything right? Please credit my account for $250. The you because I’m just
This is the second time I’ve had to write to latest update of my account shows that the that magnanimous.’
you! error noted in my e-mail of January 4 has Not to mention, it’s
not yet been corrected. negative.”11
Have you tried reading the operating Let’s review the operating manual together Gregg Opelka, musical
manual, or am I the only one who can do so that you can get your documents to print theater composer-lyricist
that? correctly next time.

You should organize a carpool in this Organizing a carpool will reduce your
department. transportation costs and help preserve the
environment.

To make a positive impression and show respect, use good manners in person and
in writing. For example, don’t be presumptuous by issuing orders or setting the time for
a meeting with a supervisor. Use first names only if given permission to do so. Even if
your boss or manager sends error-filled messages, don’t let such errors creep into your
own writing.

2-5c Avoiding Gender-, Age-, and Disability-Biased

Language
In adapting a message to its audience, be sure your language is sensitive and bias-free.
Few writers set out to be offensive. Sometimes, though, we may say things that could
be hurtful. Awareness and sensitivity are key. The real problem is that we don’t think
about words and phrases that stereotype groups of people, such as the boys in tech
support or the girls in the front office. Be cautious about expressions that might be
biased in terms of gender, race, ethnicity, age, and disability.
Generally, you can avoid gender-biased language by choosing alternate language
for words involving man or woman, by using plural nouns and pronouns, or by changing

Chapter 2: Planning Business Messages 51

 to a gender-free word (person or representative). Avoid the his or her option. It’s
wordy and conspicuously perpetuates the exclusion of other gender identities. With
a little effort, you can usually find a construction that is graceful, grammatical, and
unselfconscious.
Specify age only if it is relevant, and avoid expressions that are demeaning or
subjective such as spry old codger. Avoid patronizing references such as one of the
lovely office ladies will help you. Instead, try one of the administrative assistants will
help you.
To avoid disability bias, do not refer to an individual’s disability unless it is relevant.
When necessary, use terms that do not stigmatize disabled persons. Never use cripple
or crippled when talking about people with disabilities. Moreover, don’t refer to them
as specially courageous, brave, or superhuman. Doing so makes it seem unexpected
that they can be successful or live life like anyone else.
Below are just a few examples of bias and their possible replacements. More
categories of bias exist, for example, language stigmatizing the LGBTQ+ community.
Skilled business writers avoid any form of language that diminishes or disparages others.
The key to bias-free communication lies in awareness and commitment. Be on the lookout
to be sure that your messages do not exclude, stereotype, or offend people.

Gender-Biased Improved
female doctor, woman attorney, cleaning doctor, attorney, cleaner
lady

waiter/waitress, authoress, stewardess server, author, flight attendant

mankind, man-hour, man-made humanity, working hours, artificial

office girl, office lady office worker, administrative assistant

the doctor . . . he doctors . . . they

the teacher . . . she teachers . . . they

executives and their wives executives and their spouses

foreman, flagman, workman, craftsman lead worker, flagger, worker, artisan

businessman, salesman businessperson, sales representative

Each employee had his picture taken. Each employee had a picture taken.
All employees had their pictures taken.

Racially Or Ethnically Biased Improved

A Hispanic accountant was hired. An accountant was hired.

Derek Jones, an African American, applied. Derek Jones applied.

A small group of joyous Black students A small group of students gathered

gathered near the statue of an Indian on before the statue of a Native American on
horseback. horseback.

Age-Biased Improved
The law applied to old people. The law applied to people over 65.

Sally Kay, 55, was transferred. Sally Kay was transferred.

a sprightly old gentleman a man, an old man

a little old lady a woman, an old woman

52 Chapter 2: Planning Business Messages

 Disability-Biased Improved
afflicted with arthritis, crippled by arthritis has arthritis
confined to a wheelchair uses a wheelchair
is mentally retarded, slow is cognitively disabled

2-5d Preferring Plain Language and Familiar Words

In adapting your message to your audience, use plain language and familiar words
that you think audience members will recognize. Don’t, however, avoid a big word that
conveys your idea efficiently and is appropriate for the audience. Your goal is to reject
In a letter to the
pompous and pretentious language. If you mean begin, don’t say commence or initiate.
editor, a teacher
If you mean pay, don’t write compensate. By substituting everyday, familiar words for
criticized an article
unfamiliar ones, as shown here, you help your audience comprehend your ideas quickly.
in on
Unfamiliar Familiar autism because it
said “autistic child”
implement begin, start rather than “child
with autism.” She
subsequent to after
championed “people-
commensurate equal first” terminology,
interrogate question
which avoids defining
individuals by their
materialize appear ability or disability.12
obfuscate confuse Can language change
perceptions?
remuneration pay, salary
At the same time, be selective in your use of jargon. Jargon describes technical or
specialized terms within a field. These terms enable insiders to communicate complex
ideas quickly, but to outsiders they mean nothing. Human resources professionals, for
example, know precisely what’s meant by cafeteria plan (a benefits option program),
but most of us would be thinking about lunch. Geologists refer to plate tectonics,
and physicians discuss metastatic carcinomas. These terms mean little to most of us.
Such specialized language is appropriate only when the audience will understand it. In
addition, don’t forget secondary audiences: Will those potential receivers understand
any technical terms used?

2-5e Using Precise, Vigorous Words

Strong verbs and specific nouns give receivers more information and keep them
interested. Don’t overlook the thesaurus (available in print, online, and on your computer)
for expanding your word choices and vocabulary. Whenever possible, use precise,
specific words, as shown here:

Imprecise, Dull More Precise

to get to receive, buy, grab, bring, pick up
to earn, obtain, capture, secure, snag

a change in profits a 25 percent hike in profits

a 10 percent plunge in profits

to say to promise, confess, understand

to allege, assert, assume, judge

to think about to identify, diagnose, analyze

to probe, examine, inspect

Chapter 2: Planning Business Messages 53

 Summary of Learning Outcomes
List the five steps in the communication process.
■ A sender has an idea.
■ The sender encodes (converts) the idea into words or symbols to express the idea in a message.
■ The message travels over a channel (such as an e-mail, text, letter, report, announcement, image, tweet, spoken word,
Web page).
■ “Noise” (loud sounds, misspelled words, an inappropriate channel, or other distractions) may interfere with the
transmission.
■ The receiver decodes (interprets) the message and may respond with feedback.

Describe the goals of business writers and three phases of the writing process.
■ Business writing should be purposeful, economical, and audience-centered.
■ Phase 1 of the 3-x-3 writing process (prewriting) involves analyzing the message, anticipating the audience, and
considering how to adapt the message to the audience.
■ Phase 2 (drafting) includes researching the topic, organizing the material, and drafting the message.
■ Phrase 3 (revising) consists of editing, proofreading, and evaluating the message.
■ The 3-x-3 writing process provides a systematic plan describing what to do in each step of creating efficient and effective
messages.

Identify the intended purpose and audience of a message to select the best
communication channel.
■ Before drafting, decide why you want to write and what you hope to achieve.
■ Define your purpose, whether to inform, persuade, or communicate goodwill.
■ After identifying the purpose, visualize both the primary and secondary audiences.
■ Remember that receivers will usually be thinking, “What’s in it for me (WIIFM)?”
■ Choose the best channel by considering the (a) importance of the message, (b) amount and speed of feedback needed,
(c) necessity of a permanent record, (d) cost of the channel, (e) degree of formality desired, (f) confidentiality and
sensitivity of the message, and (g) receiver’s preference and level of technical expertise.

Discuss expert writing techniques that improve business messages.

■ Shape the message from the receiver’s, not the sender’s, view by focusing on audience benefits.
■ Apply the “you” view without attempting to manipulate.
■ Use conversational but professional language. Strive to convey a warm, friendly tone.
■ Avoid expressions such as totally awesome, you know, and like; use emojis sparingly.

Apply writing techniques that improve the tone, clarity, and effectiveness
of a message.
■ Use positive language that tells what can be done rather than what can’t be done (With your support, the project will
succeed rather than The project won’t succeed without your support).
■ Be courteous rather than rude, preachy, or demanding.
■ Provide reasons for a request to soften the tone of a message.
■ Avoid biased language that excludes, stereotypes, or offends people (lady lawyer, spry old gentleman, confined to a
wheelchair).
■ Choose plain language (equal instead of commensurate), familiar terms (end instead of terminate), and precise words
(analyze instead of think about).

Key Terms
communication 39 receiver 40 richness 46
meaning 39 decoding 40 empathy 46
encoding 39 feedback 40 jargon 53
channel 40 informational messages 44
noise 40 persuasive messages 44

54 Chapter 2: Planning Business Messages

 Chapter Review
1. Define communication. When is it successful? (L.O. 1)
2. Describe the five steps in the process of communication. What can disrupt this process? (L.O. 1)
3. In what ways is business writing different from school essays and private messages? (L.O. 2)
4. Describe the components in each stage of the 3-x-3 writing process. Approximately how much time is spent on each stage?
(L.O. 2)
5. What eight factors should writers consider in selecting an appropriate channel to deliver a message? What is the difference
between a rich and a lean channel? (L.O. 3)
6. How does anticipating and identifying the audience help a business communicator prepare a message? (L.O. 3)
7. What is the “you” view? When can the use of you backfire? (L.O. 4)
8. What three techniques for developing a warm, friendly, and conversational tone can communicators use in business
messages? (L.O. 4)
9. What are three ways to avoid biased language? Give an original example of each. (L.O. 5)
10. Name five gender-biased words and their improved versions. (L.O. 5)

Critical Thinking
11. Have you ever read something complex and blamed yourself for not understanding it? Fergal McGovern, CEO of
VisibleThread, argues that it’s not your fault, particularly if the subject is investing. He blames “turgid” and “dense”
writing. He thinks that even complex ideas can be expressed in natural, plain language.13 Do you agree? If so, how can
writers do this? (L.O. 4)
12. Digital communication channels have overtaken face-to-face and voice-to-voice communication in the workplace. How has this
shift changed the fundamental process of communication? (L.O. 1)
13. Do short messages also require that communicators follow a writing process? Why or why not? (L.O. 2)
14. Writers sometimes use abbreviations such as FYI (for your information) and ASAP (as soon as possible). Others sometimes use
LOL (laughing out loud), 4 u (for you), and gr8 (great). Where would these abbreviations most likely be found, and how do they
contribute to one’s professional image? (L.O. 4)
15. How would knowing that your manager might forward your e-mail to higher-ups affect how you write your e-mail message?
Which characteristics of your e-mail might change? (L.O. 3)

Writing Improvement Exercises

Audience Benefits and the “You” View (L.O. 4)

YOUR TASK. Revise the following sentences to emphasize the perspective of the audience and the “you” view.
16. Because we have automated our mobile worker trip forms, we need all employees to use the SmartTrip travel reimbursement
mobile app. This is the fastest way to be reimbursed.
17. We are issuing all our customers new chip-enabled credit cards to replace expired or lost cards and prevent increasingly costly
payouts we have suffered from cyberfraud.
18. Our strict safety policy does not allow us to rent power equipment to anyone who cannot demonstrate sufficient skill in
its use.
19. We’re asking that all employees fill out the online survey by April 1 so that we may develop a master schedule for summer
vacations more efficiently.
20. Our app developers are excited to announce a new free app called FanMile that we believe will entice fans to share, like, and
subscribe to your content.

Chapter 2: Planning Business Messages 55

21. To minimize the cost of having our coaches set up your team training sessions in our limited office space, we suggest
conducting customized team training for your employees right in your own building.
22. We take pride in our national policy of selling name brands at discount prices. That’s why we can allow store credit, but we
cannot give cash refunds on returned merchandise.

Conversational but Professional (L.O. 4)

YOUR TASK. Revise the following to make the tone conversational yet professional.
23. BTW, Madison blew a gasket when the manager accused the whole department of ripping off pricey office supplies.
24. As per your recent request, the undersigned is happy to inform you that we are sending you forthwith the procedure manuals
you requested.
25. Kindly be informed that it is necessary for you to designate the model number of the laser cutting machine before we can ship
your order.
26. Pursuant to your e-mail of the 4th, please be advised that your shipment was sent March 6.
27. R head honcho wz like totally raggety kuz I wz sick n stuff n mist the team meet. Geez!
28. The undersigned respectfully reminds affected individuals that employees desirous of changing their health plans must do so
before December 31.

Positive and Courteous Expression (L.O. 5)

YOUR TASK. Revise the following statements to make them more positive and courteous.
29. We are sorry to let you know that we can offer the 30 percent rebate only to the first 25 buyers, so hurry up!
30. Construction on your building is at a standstill because the contractor is unable to pour footings until the soil is no longer
soggy.
31. A travel visa cannot be issued until an application is completed and a recent photo is included.
32. Your message of June 1 claims that the blade in your food processor malfunctioned. Although you apparently failed to read the
operator’s manual, we are sending you a replacement blade PLUS another manual. Next time read page 18 carefully so that you
will know how to attach this blade.
33. Customers are ineligible for the 25 percent discount if they fail to provide the discount code at the time of purchase.
34. As team leader, you apparently failed to remember that you have already assigned me two gigantic and complex
research tasks, and now you have dumped another big job on me—one that I can’t possibly begin until after I finish
the other two jobs.

Bias-Free Language (L.O. 5)

YOUR TASK. Revise the following sentences to reduce bias (e.g., gender, racial, ethnic, age, and disability).
35. The conference in Honolulu offers special side trips for the wives of executives.
36. Sports Research International hired Demarcus Jones, an African American, for the position of social media coordinator.
37. In the past a skilled assistant would proofread her boss’s documents and correct any errors he made.
38. Douglas Luna is crippled with arthritis, but his crippling rarely interferes with his work.
39. Recently elected to the city council are a lady lawyer, an Indian CPA, and two businessmen.

Plain Language and Familiar Words (L.O. 5)

YOUR TASK. Revise the following sentences to use plain language and familiar words.
40. Civil Service exams were once required for federal government jobs, but they were phased out subsequent to the passage of
antidiscrimination laws.
41. To expedite ratification of the agreement, we beseech you to vote in the affirmative.

56 Chapter 2: Planning Business Messages

42. Although the remuneration for the position of social media consultant seems low, it is commensurate with other pay packages
for similar positions.
43. The attorney tried to obfuscate the issue with extraneous and superfluous data.
44. Although researchers dialogued with individual students on campus, subsequent group interviews proved fruitless.

Precise, Vigorous Words (L.O. 5)

YOUR TASK. From the choices in parentheses, select the most precise, vigorous words.
45. If you receive two job offers at once, you can probably (get, land, negotiate) a better deal.
46. Dakota’s outstanding report contains (a lot of, loads of, reams of) helpful data.
47. The CEO said that we must (review, change, reduce) overtime hours to (fix, balance, rework) the budget.
48. Our operations manager demanded a (substantial, 20 percent, big) reduction in staff travel expenditures.
49. In the courtroom the attorney (said, alleged, thought) that the car was stolen.
50. As you suggested, we will (question, interrogate, probe) our accountant.

Selecting Communication Channels (L.O. 3)

YOUR TASK. Using Figure 2.5, suggest the best communication channels for the following messages. Assume that all channels are
available. Be prepared to explain your choice.
51. You want to know what team members are available immediately for a quick video conference. They are all workaholics and
glued to their mobile devices.
52. As a manager during a company reorganization, you must tell nine workers that their employment is being terminated.
53. You need to know whether Miguel in Reprographics can produce a rush job for you in two days.
54. A prospective client in France wants price quotes for a number of your products—vite, vite!
55. As vice president for community relations, you want to explore the possibility of developing service learning programs with
several nearby colleges and universities.
56. You must respond to a letter from the Internal Revenue Service informing you that your company did not pay the correct
amount for last quarter’s employer’s taxes.

Radical Rewrites
Note: Radical Rewrites are provided at [Link] for you to download and revise. Your instructor may show a
suggested solution.
From Chapter 2 through Chapter 7, you will find Radical Rewrite cases. These are poorly written messages that invite you to apply
the writing techniques you have been learning. Rewriting is an excellent way to help you build writing skills. It enables you to focus
on revising and not on supplying a context or generating imaginary facts. Your instructor’s feedback regarding your strengths and
challenges will speed your growth as a business communicator. Note that this exercise emphasizes revising, not correcting grammar
and mechanics.

2.1 Radical Rewrite: Salvaging a Negative, Unprofessional Message (L.O. 4, 5)

The following e-mail from Avianca Keller, the vice president of employee relations, seeks to help supervisors and managers write
safe and helpful performance reviews.
YOUR TASK. Analyze the problematic e-mail. List at least five weaknesses. Pay special attention to its tone. Your instructor may
ask you to revise the e-mail so that it reflects some of the writing techniques you learned in this chapter. How can you make this
e-mail more courteous, positive, concise, precise, and audience centered? Your instructor may ask you to revise this message as a
collaboration project using Google Docs or Word’s Track Changes and Comment features.

Chapter 2: Planning Business Messages 57

 To: All Supervisors and Departmental Managers
From: Avianca Keller <akeller@[Link]>
Subject: Legally Risky Employee Evaluations

All,

Although it pains me to do this, I must warn you all that recently one of our employees filed a lawsuit against the company
because of comments a supervisor made during a performance evaluation. This did not have to happen. Look, people, you
must be smarter!

Because none of you are dense, here are suggestions you must share with all supervisors and managers regarding company-
wide evaluations:
● It goes without saying that you cannot accurately evaluate an employee’s performance unless you have a system to mea-
sure that performance. That’s why the obvious very first step is developing performance standards and goals for each
employee. To be effective, these standards and goals must be shared with the employee. However, don’t do it orally. Do it
in writing.
● The performance of each employee must be monitored throughout the year. Keep a log for each worker. Note memorable
incidents or projects in which he was involved. But don’t just keep favorable comments. I know that many of you are
understandably averse to placing negative comments in an employee’s file. However, MAN UP! Even negative comments
must be included as part of the evaluation process.
● Once a year each employee must be formally evaluated in a written performance appraisal—yes, I do mean written! In a
face-to-face meeting, let the employee know what you think they did well and in what areas the employee may be able to
improve. Be specific, give deadlines, be honest, and be realistic.

Giving evaluations can be difficult. With careful preparation, however, the process can be smooth and safe. Don’t allow your-
self or the company to get involved in any more legal ramifications.

Avianca Keller
Vice President, Employee Relations
akeller@[Link]

List at least five weaknesses.

Activities

2.2 Analyzing Primary and Secondary Audiences (L.O. 3)

YOUR TASK. Using the questions in Figure 2.4, write a brief analysis of the audience for each of the following
communication tasks. What kind of reaction should you expect from the primary reader and any secondary readers? What
tone should you convey?
a. As a soon-to-graduate senior, you are writing a profile that you will post to LinkedIn. You hope it will land you a job offer.
b. As an administrator of your city water department, you must write a letter to water users explaining that the tap water may taste
and smell bad; however, it poses no threats to health.
c. You are a member of an organization promoting Earth Day. You have been asked to encourage your office to save paper, and you
know of several tips for doing that. You want to persuade your boss to send a message to employees with several tips that you
will provide.
d. You are about to send an e-mail to your regional sales manager describing your visit to a new customer who is demanding
special discounts.
e. You are preparing an unsolicited sales message to a targeted group of executives promoting part-time ownership in a corporate
jet plane.
f. You are planning to write an e-mail to your manager to try to persuade her to allow you to attend a leadership training program
that will require two hours of weekly release time for ten weeks.

58 Chapter 2: Planning Business Messages

2.3 Is Plain Writing a Civil Right? (L.O. 5)
E-Mail Team

As an intern at VisibleThread, the compliance and clarity experts, you and several other interns have been assigned the task of
researching the history of the plain writing/plain language movement. Many of its principles are embodied in the business model
of VisibleThread. Your training manager Fiona McBride thinks that this research will help you better understand the company goals.
She found a stirring quotation from Annetta Cheek, who kicked off the Plain Language Symposium in Washington, D.C., some years
ago. Ms. Cheek claimed that “plain writing is a civil right.”14 Do you agree?
YOUR TASK. As part of your intern training, Ms. McBride asks you and other interns to prepare a brief history of the movement.
Explain how it got started, who must comply, and whom it benefits. She also asks that you list and illustrate at least five of its
guidelines with original examples. Individually or as a team, prepare a one-page report as an e-mail directed to [Link]@
[Link] but submitted to your instructor.

Grammar/Mechanics Checkup 2

Pronouns
Review Sections 1.07–1.09 in the Grammar Review section of the Grammar/Mechanics Handbook. Select the correct form to
complete each of the following statements. Record your answer and the appropriate Grammar/Mechanics section to illustrate the
principle involved. When you finish, compare your responses with those at the bottom of the page. If your answers differ, study
carefully the principles in parentheses.

a (1.09d) EXAMPLE The Ride Share Committee will introduce (a) its, (b) their employee carpool
program soon.

1. (a) Who, (b) Whom in this department have you considered for promotion?
2. When parking your car facing uphill, turn (a) it’s, (b) its front wheels away from the curb
and let it roll back a few inches.
3. Every text message sent between the CEO and (a) he, (b) him was revealed during the dis-
covery phase before the deposition.
4. I was expecting to meet with Neta. Was it (a) she, (b) her who called to explain the delay?
5. It looks as if (a) yours, (b) your’s is the only financial report that discusses global markets.
6. Send the sales figures to (a) whoever, (b) whomever requests them.
7. My sister and (a) I, (b) me, (c) myself responded to the same casting call at The Walt Disney
Studios.
8. Every player on the women’s soccer team must wear (a) her, (b) their uniform to be able to
play.
9. Amandeep asked Otilia and (a) I, (b) me, (c) myself to help him finish a presentation on
retirement benefits.
10. Everyone except the budget director and (a) I, (b) me, (c) myself heard the fire alarm.
11. No one knows that potential building site better than (a) she, (b) her, (c) herself.
12. If neither Ellis nor I receive our vaccination in time, (a) him and me, (b) he and I cannot
make the trip.
13. One of the mothers visiting the zoo left (a) their, (b) her smartphone on the bus.
14. Yeong and (a) I, (b) myself, (c) me are planning our community service day.
15. A proposed change to the bylaws was sent to (a) we, (b) us owners before the vote.

12. b (1.08a) 13. b (1.09c) 14. a (1.08a) 15. b (1.08g)

1. b (1.08i) 2. b (1.08d) 3. b (1.08c) 4. a (1.08b) 5. a (1.08d) 6. a (1.08j) 7. a (1.08a) 8. a (1.09b) 9. b (1.08c) 10. b (1.08i) 11. a (1.08f)

Chapter 2: Planning Business Messages 59

 Editing Challenge 2
Every chapter provides an editing exercise to build your grammar and mechanics skills. The following e-mail is a short report about
beverage sweeteners from a researcher to his boss. In this message look for errors in proofreading, grammar, spelling, punctuation,
capitalization, word use, and number form. Be especially alert to problems with noun plurals, pronouns, and then/than and
there/their. Study the guidelines in the Grammar/Mechanics Handbook (Appendix D), including the lists of Confusing Words and
Frequently Misspelled Words. Hint: You should make about 30 edits.
YOUR TASK. Edit the following by (a) inserting corrections in your textbook or on a photocopy using proofreading marks in
Appendix C or (b) downloading the message from [Link] and correcting at your computer using the MS Word
feature Track Changes.

To: Cruz Wayan <cwayan@[Link]>

From: Yuuki Tamandani <ytamandani@[Link]>
Subject: PepsiCo and Coca-Cola Introduce New Sweeteners

Cruz:

As you requested, herewith is the initial report from Ron and I on the topic of
beverage sweeteners. As you may all ready know, PepsiCo and Coca-Cola launched
two drinks using sweeteners that are new to the market.

Last week Pepsi announced Pepsi True, it’s first mid-calorie soda since the failed
launch of Pepsi Next more then two years ago. Sweetened with a blend of sugar and
stevia, which is a plant-derived sugar substitute Pepsi True contains only 60
calories. Thats 30 percent fewer calorys then regular cola. As sales of low-calorie
diet sodas like Diet Pepsi drop, mid-calorie alternatives blend sugar with other
sweetners. According to inside information obtained by Ron and I, Pepsi True was
tested on the shelves of grocerys, mass merchants, and convenience stores in 5 citys
in Florida.

Last month Coca-Cola rolled out Coca-Cola Life which is also sweetened with sugar
and stevia. It was successfully tested in the U.K. and South America. In our own
in-house research, all of the office gals really liked Life.

BTW, approval from the Food and drug administration did not materialize automati-
cally for these new sweeteners. FDA approval was an issue because studys
conducted in the early 1990s suggested that their were possible adverse health
affects from the use of stevia-based products. However the herb has been approved
for use in 12 countrys.

Both PepsiCo and Coca-Cola eventually received FDA approval, and there products
are all ready on the market. Ron and I cannot submit our full report until after him
and I complete our investigation in October.

Yu
Yuuki Tamandani
Senior Investigator | Research and Development | ytamandani@[Link]
Office: (424) 644-1080 | Cell: (562) 851-8937

60 Chapter 2: Planning Business Messages

 Communication Workshop: Career Skills

Practicing Your Problem-Solving and Decision-Making Skills

Browsing job postings on Indeed, you will see ads in the consequences? What are the obstacles, and how can they
hundreds of thousands explicitly asking for critical-thinking be handled? Most important, what solution best serves your
skills (133,170); decision-making skills (210,600); and, most goals and those of your organization? Here is where your
coveted, problem-solving skills (403,300). It’s not a coincidence. creativity is especially important.
These crucial professional skills are vital in a workplace that
5. Choose the best alternative and test it. Select
needs employees who can think, work independently, and
an alternative, and try it out to see if it meets your
make sound decisions.
expectations. If it does, put your decision into action. If it
Much of this book is devoted to helping you solve
doesn’t, rethink your alternatives. The shipping company
problems and communicate those decisions to management,
decided to give its unhappy customers free delivery service
fellow workers, clients, the government, and the public. Facing
to make up for the lost packages and downtime. Be sure to
a challenge, most of us do a lot of worrying before identifying
continue monitoring and adjusting the solution to ensure
the concerns or making a decision. You can convert all that
its effectiveness over time.
worrying to directed critical thinking by following these steps:
CAREER APPLICATION. As a manager of a much frequented
1. Identify and clarify the problem. Your first task is to
Burger King restaurant, you have a problem. Customers are
recognize that a problem exists. Some problems are big
unhappy with multiple lines for counter service because they
and unmistakable, such as failure of a shipping company
don’t seem to know where to stand to be the next served.
to deliver packages to customers on time. Other problems
Tempers flare when aggressive customers cut in line, and other
may be continuing annoyances, such as regularly running
customers spend so much time protecting their places in line
out of toner for a networked office printer in heavy use. The
that they are not ready to order. As the manager, you want to
first step in reaching a solution is pinpointing the problem.
solve this problem. Any new procedures, however, must be
2. Gather information. Learn more about the problem or approved by a majority of Burger King owners in your district.
situation. Look for possible causes and solutions. This step You know that Burger King’s management favors the multiline
may mean checking files, calling suppliers, or brainstorming system because the executives believe that this configuration
with fellow workers. For example, the shipping company accommodates higher volumes of customers more quickly than
might analyze personnel workloads and traffic patterns in a single-line system does. In addition, customers are turned off
the city at various times of the day to determine the causes when they see a single long line.
of the delays.
3. Evaluate the evidence. This is where you apply your YOUR TASK
critical thinking: Where did the information come from? ● Individually or with a team, use the critical-thinking steps out-
Does it represent various points of view? What biases lined here. Begin by clarifying the problem.
could be expected from each source? How accurate is
the information? Is it fact or opinion? For example, it is a
● Where could you gather information? Would it be wise to see
fact that packages are missing; it is an opinion that they what your competitors are doing? How do banks handle cus-
are merely lost, it’s not a big deal, and they will turn up tomer lines? Amusement parks? Airlines?
eventually. ● Evaluate your findings and consider alternatives. What are the
pros and cons of each alternative?
4. Consider alternatives and implications. Draw
conclusions from the gathered evidence and propose
● With your team, choose the best alternative. Present your
solutions. Then weigh the advantages and disadvantages recommendation to your class and give your reasons for
of each solution. What are the costs, benefits, and choosing it.

Chapter 2: Planning Business Messages 61