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Assessed Individual Coursework (Final):

Individual Reflection

Jessica Boya Yang

Dr. Nuno Camara

SMO413

January 9, 2024

Words
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Introduction

As someone who has consistently struggled with self-esteem issues since childhood,
I never believed I had what it takes to become a leader. Growing up, I had a rather
simplistic view of leadership- I believed a good leader is someone who is confident
and unbothered by what others think of him or her. I, on the other hand, have
suffered from constant self-consciousness and fear of disapproval from others. I
most definitely did not possess the traits I had thought were required for strong
leadership. When I entered my thirties, I started to realize leadership is actually a
very intricate and multi-faceted concept. Having worked alongside several CEOs
and managers with vastly different personalities and leadership styles, I realized a
“good leader” was not as simple as merely possessing an alpha-like personality.
Some of the managers who left the strongest positive impression on me were in fact,
very concerned with how their employees felt and openly expressed “weak”
emotions in public, such as uncertainty and remorse. It soon dawned upon me that
perhaps that some of my own weaknesses could, in fact, be considered leadership
strengths.

It was from this point on that I became interested in pursuing managerial-type roles
at work, in particular those which focus on providing mentorship or counseling
services. I started incorporating my inherent traits and psychological tendencies into
my own personal leadership style, a complex combination of empathy, integrity and
unexpected fearlessness, which could be best defined by my Myers-Brigg Type
Indicator (MBTI) result INFJ-T; which stands for introversion, intuition, feeling and
judgement with a side of turbulence. It is the rarest of all sixteen personality types,
representing only 1.5% of the general population (Fletcher, 2023). People with the
INFJ-T personality type are considered “advocates, teachers or counselors”; leading
not by rank or power but by their “humanitarian-at-heart” personality and strong
ability to be in tune with others’ emotions. That being said, INFJ-T individuals are
not without their faults; most notably low-stress tolerance (hence the turbulent
description) and overly-rigid expectations of others. In an attempt to better
understand and improve myself, I would like to take this self-reflection assignment as
an opportunity to dissect my leadership style, specifically: my three major strengths
(humanitarian-at-heart nature, strong integrity, fearlessness of conflict), three major
weaknesses (over-idealism, hypersensitivity, discomfort with giving difficult
feedback), and three realistic solutions on improving myself.

Leadership Strengths

Humanitarian-at-Heart Nature

My most apparent leadership trait is my strong humanitarian nature. I genuinely care

about the welfare of others (unless they have purposefully wronged me, which is a
completely different situation that I will explain on another day). Even if I am to
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receive zero recognition or reward for my “humanitarian” efforts, I will still do my best
to help someone to the best of my ability. To me, the greatest feeling is the feeling
that somebody appreciated something that I did for them, especially at the
workplace. Due to my naturally empathetic and understanding nature, I easily form
strong bonds with my team members and earn their trust, which makes gaining their
willful cooperation and support incredibly easy. I never have to resort to command-
like language, keeping the relationship and dynamic between my team members and
myself very positive. As a manager, it is important that I understand each and every
team member’s situation, feelings and concerns and clearly express this in my
communications when making a decision or asking them to do something. In this
way, everybody feels “heard” and ‘understood”, especially in the face of an
unpleasant request or company decision (such as a sudden, unreasonable deadline
that was out of my control). I feel in almost every situation, employee resistance
and opposition can be avoided by how a manager communicates the situation to
them. By utilizing compassion for employees and understanding of the
unreasonableness of the situation, the entire team becomes more cohesive and
cooperative, leading to a positive and efficient outcome.

Strong Integrity

I have an extraordinarily strong sense of integrity. I am not sure where I learned this
trait from or why it is so strong, but it has been one of my greatest strengths as an
effective leader. My two core values are self-righteousness and avoiding hypocrisy;
whatever rules I set for my team members I also make sure to follow. Furthermore,
whatever faults or morally-questionable habits I have at work or in my personal life
(such as tardiness or a penchant for drinking afterhours ), I will not penalize my team
members for having as well. I firmly believe in the adage “practice what you
preach”, which has helped me gain almost unanimous support from my team as a
manager. I also believe one should not shift blame or unwanted responsibilities onto
another unwitting team member. I do not tolerate nor exhibit the following
unrighteous behaviors: “throwing someone under the bus” (putting blame on another
team member to shift attention on them), “punting” (forwarding unwanted phone
calls, emails or other tasks onto an unsuspecting team member) or “namedropping”
(mentioning someone else’s name to a customer in the hopes that the customer
starts contacting them instead of yourself). I firmly believe the previous three
behaviors are the most toxic workplace behaviors and I make it a priority to address
team members who engage in them. A positive and effective manager-team
relationship starts from the manager him or herself. A manager with high integrity
will lead to a team with high morale.

Fearlessness of Conflict and/or Confrontation

An extension of my strong sense of integrity is my remarkable fearlessness of

conflict or confrontation with anybody. I believe that as a leader, you must be willing
to take accountability and control of unpleasant situations that were caused by
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yourself, and be comfortable defending yourself (in an appropriate manner) when

wronged. This may seem like an oxy-moron given I have self-esteem issues, but
when a problem arises, I am not afraid to take responsibility and handle it from start
to finish. I will take on difficult customers and take accountability for errors because
that is what an integrous leader should do. I will also defend a team member in front
of another manager of equal or higher power than me if that team member was
unquestionably wronged. Sometimes this is problematic in China due to cultural
differences related to collectivism versus individualism (maintaining social harmony
is generally preferred to pointing out negative faults or mistakes in China) (MSEd,
2024). However, I truly believe a good leader must be willing and capable of fighting
for what is right, rather than trying to save face for oneself or another leader.

Leadership Weaknesses

Overly Idealistic

Due to my strong sense of integrity, I sometimes have an overly idealistic view of

what I believe my team members should be like. I have overly high standards and
easily feel disappointed when someone doesn’t live up to my expectations. I want
everyone on my team to have the same level of integrity as I do and while this is not
necessarily a “bad” expectation, it is unrealistic and unfair. There have been times
when I felt betrayed and highly upset when someone on my team commits one of my
“three deadly sins” (“throwing someone under the bus”, “punting”, or
“namedropping”). In response to their actions, I often confront them in public,
creating tension and unpleasant emotions. I have come to realize that “wanting to
avoid confrontation or liability” is a common trait among many people, and it is not a
“black-and-white” indicator of personal integrity or high moral values.

Hypersensitivity/ Reactivity

A second problem I have as a manager is hypersensitivity towards stressful

situations and being overly reactive during unpleasant interactions. Although I am
capable of quickly regaining my composure, there have been many times where I
have shown obvious signs of stress and emotional reactiveness, which I don’t
believe are things a good leader should show. I am certain during those moments, I
came across as unstable and emotionally volatile to my team members, two
unacceptable traits of a strong leader. The problem has slightly improved as I have
gotten older, however, I still struggle with my reaction to stressful situations and
difficult people.

Discomfort With Giving Criticism

My third major weakness stems from a combination of my low self-esteem issues

and “humanitarian-at-heart” nature. I have struggled with being a “people pleaser”
for as long as I can remember. It was the worst when I was a child; I would be
deathly afraid of disagreeing with my friends and family because I was afraid of
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disappointing them. This has continued into my adulthood, as I find it extremely

difficult giving honest performance reviews and constructive feedback. I have
always felt I lacked enough credibility and merit to give negative feedback and I don’t
want someone on my team to feel upset about how I feel about them or their work
performance. To cope, I often resort to writing or using an excessive number of
euphemisms, which is incredibly exhausting, time-consuming and often ineffective at
improving my team member’s weaknesses.

Three Solutions for Improvements

To target my problem of being overly idealistic, I believe I should be more open to

alternative perspectives and opinions. I should address my stubborn nature and
rigid standards and become less judgement of others. I should remember that what I
value is not necessarily what someone else values and the disagreement does not
mean I possess integrity and the other person does not. I need to get to a place
where I can feel strongly about what I believe in, but still respect and take other
ideas and arguments into consideration.

For addressing my hypersensitivity, one seemingly useful approach I have found is

using positive self-talk and reframing techniques (Roger, 2024). When I find myself
having emotionally reactive responses, it can be helpful to use positive self-talk and
reframing techniques, such as using affirmations and encouraging statements to
counter my negative feelings. For example, if I find myself feeling stressed out, you
might say to yourself, “I can handle this. I’ve overcome challenges before and I can
do it again.” Reframing involves looking at a situation from a different perspective.
For example, instead of thinking, “This is a disaster,” I could reframe it as, “This is a
challenge, but I can find a solution.” These techniques could shift my mindset and
manage my emotions in a more positive way.

Lastly, I can overcome my inability to give criticism by being more specific in my

feedback. Instead of making general comments such as “it was not good” or “it
could be better”, I should give specific and concrete observations and comments
which may reduce the uneasiness I feel when delivering criticism. By approaching
feedback as more of a objective task of stating specific instances and comments, I
can reduce the anxiety and difficulty of giving criticism to my team members.

Conclusion

All in all, I feel I make a good leader due to my strong humanitarian spirit, strong
integrity and fearlessness of standing up for what is right. However, these strengths
also lead to some weaknesses, such as hypersensitivity, overly idealistic
expectations and an inability to give negative feedback. I hope by implementing the
solutions outlined above, I can improve myself not only as a leader, but as a human
being.
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REFERENCES

Fletcher, J. (2023, August 26). What are the rarest personality

types? Psych Central. [Link]
type#infj

MSEd, K. C. (2024, August 5). Understanding collectivist cultures. Verywell

Mind. [Link]
2794962

Roger, A. (2024, July 31). How to be less emotionally reactive. Roger K.

Alllen. [Link]