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Samuel French.Acting Edition

Spike Heels
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by Theresa Rebeck

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 ACT I

Scene 1

Loud classical MUSIC, Vivaldi or Mozart, on lhe radio.

There is a long moment of POUNDING at 1he door.
LJGHTS come up on the main room of Andrew's
apartment, 1heorderly environmentof a scholar.

GEORGIE. (Offstage.) Andrew! Are you in there?

Dammit, goddammit, are you home, goddam you-
Andrewl
ANDREW. (Overlapping offstage.) Wait a minute-I'm
coming-
GEORGIE. (Overlapping, offstage.) Open up the
goddam door-are you homeor WHAT-Jesus CHRIST I
am going to KILL myself I swear to God I will DAMMIT.
ANDREW!

(ANDREW crosses the slage quic/cly,wiping his hands on

a towel, snaps off the radio and opens the door.)

ANDREW. What, what. what-

(HE opens the dbor. GEORGIE barges in.)

GEORGIE. I have been on the stupid goddamn T for an

hour and a half. squishedbetweenfour of the smelliest fat

7
 8 SPIKE HEELS

men on earth, all of them with their annpits in my face, in

high heels-Am I interrupting?
ANDREW. No, I was just making dinner. Lydia's
coming over-
GEORGIE. Oh. I won't interrupt-
ANDREW. You're not interrupting-
GEORGIE. (Charging ahead.)Goddammit, I hate heels.
I have ruined my arches for the rest of my life just so a
bunch of stupid men can have a good time looking at my
fucking legs. (SHE sits and takesoff her he~ls.)
ANDREW. Niee mouth. Very nice mouth.
GEORGIE. Oh, don't start. Don't even fucking start,
okay? If I had a fucking car I wouldn't have lO lake the
fucking T. Do you know how long I have been in uansit?
An hour and a half.
ANDREW. Edward let you off at 4:30'! What, did he
have a neivous breakdown or something?
GEORGIE. I hope so. I hope he totally loses his mind.
I hope he has a vision of how useless his whole stupid life
has been, and I hope he jumps out his spectacular little
office window and inl.Olhe fucking Charles River, that is
what I hope.
ANDREW. Come on, he's not that bad.
GEORGIE. I wish I still smoked. Why the heJl did I
have to quit smoking? Do you have any cigarettes? How
the hell are we supposed to survive in lhis stupid coun&ty
wit.hout cigarelles? I mean, they invent this terrific little
antidote to everything, cigareues, and then after they get
you hooked on it they tell you that it's going to kill you.
And you know, the thing is, 1 thinlc I'd rather be killedby
cancer than by life in general. I really think I.hat. (SHE
 SPIKE HEELS 9

circl~s the room gingerly, trying to get somt feeling baclc

in herfeet.)
ANDREW. Are you going to tell me what happened?
GEORGIE. I threw a pencil at Edward. okay? He was
getting on my nerves, so I said, fuck you, Edward, and I
threw a pencil at him. (SHE starts 10 laugh.)
ANDREW. Oh, Jesus. Here. Give me your fooL
GEORGIE. Excuse me? I say I threw a pencil at
Edward, and you say give me your foot? What is that
supposed to mean? Arewe having a conversation here. or
is this like some sort of art film or what?
ANDREW. (Crosses to tht couch, throws her shots
aside and begins to massage herfoot.) No wonder you're in
a bad mood. These shoes look like some sort of me.dieval
torture device.
GEORGIE. Don't just throw those around, those cost a
fortune. What are you-Andrew. excuse me. but what are
you doing?
ANDREW. I'm massaging your fOOLIt's supposed to
be soothing. Isn't it soothing?
GEORGIE. Yes, it's very-I don't know if soothing is
what I would call this.
ANDREW. Supposedly the muscles in the foot are
connected IO almost every other part of your body. So it's
important that your feet are always relaxed. That's why
you're in a badmood; you've bca1 abusing your feet.
GEORGIE. That's not why I'm in a badmood.
ANDREW. (Pause.)How's lhat?
GEORGIE. It's nice. It's v~ nice.
ANDREW. (Pause. ANDREW loob up at her for a
moment, and becomes suddenly awkward. HE quickly sets
10 SPIKEHEELS

herfoot down and movesto the kitchen.)l better get to

workon dinner.
GEORGIE.(Watcheshimexit,thensits in silenctfor a
moment.)So how's Lydia7
ANDREW.(Off.)She's fine.Fine.She's good.
GEORGIE. Good.How'sthewedding?
ANDREW.(Off. Pause.)Fine.It's still a ways off, so
nobody'stoohystericalyeL
GEORGIE.That'sgood.
ANDREW.(Off.)Shewantsto meetyou.
GEORGIE.Shedoes?
ANDREW.(Off.) Yeah.She's comingover for dinner
later on. You shouldstick around.It reallyis ridiculous
thatyou twohaven'tmet
GEORGIE.Yeah, that'sridiculous,all right
ANDREW.(Reenters,carryinga cullingboard and
vegetables.)So can youstay?
GEORGIE.Right. She's gonna come over for some
romanticliulcvegetablethingand findme.I'm sure. (SHE
startsto leave.)
ANDREW.Shesaidweshouldall go out sometime--
GEORGIE.Fine,we'll do thatsometime.
ANDREW. Georgie--
GEORGIE.Whal?I'm all sweatyandgross.Myshirtis
sticking to evcrylhingand I stink. I can't meet Lydia
smellinglikea sewer.She'llfninlor gagor somelhing.
ANDREW.Don'tsWL
GEORGIE.I'm sorry.I'm just not up to it, okay7
ANDREW.So don't stayfor dinner,Shewon't be here
for anotherhour.Juststickaroundfora while.
GEORGIE.Look-lhcsc clothesarc killing me. I need
to go upstairs.I can comebacktomorrow,
 SPIKE HEELS 11

ANDREW. Go put on one of my t-shirts, lhey're in the

top drawerof the dresser.Come on. You still haven't told
me the details of your assault on Edward.
GEORGIE.Andrew-
ANDREW.There's some shorts in there, too.
GEORGIE.Oh, fuck.

(SHE htads off. peeling htr jacket as sM goes. ANDREW

cleans, puts away ms books, etc.)

ANDREW. (Calling.) You'll be fine. It's just going to

take a little while to get used to it all. You know, actually,
you're doing great. I talked to Edward lamweek, and he said
you're the best secretary he's ever had. So you should just
chill out and be nice to him. He's not that bad, and he likes
you a lot. As a matter of fact, I think he has a crush on
you. (HE sees something on the coffee table, pie/cs up a
book and slams it down. HE takes tM book to a small
garbage can by his desk and knocks the dead bug off.)
These goddam bugs are invading my living room now. Did
you ever get a hold of Renulla? I thought he was sending
somebody over. (Pause.) Georgie?
GEORGIE. (0//.) You got a regular boudoir in here.
Lydia's been lending you some of her clothes, huh?
ANDREW. Hey, leave that stuff alone. (Pause.)
Georgie? .
GEORGIE. (Off.) I don't want to wear one of your t-
shins. I want to wear this. (SHE appears in the doorway,
wearing an elegant patter~d sil/cduss. SHE slinks into IM
room.)
ANDREW. I asked you not to start.
12 SPIKEHEELS

GEORGIE.Thank you. 1pickedit up at Saks.Usually

I don't appreciatehis line,but whenI foundthisI wasjust
dcvaswcd-
ANDREW.Takeoff the dress.Takeit off now.
GEORGIE.I particularlylikethebow.
ANDREW.I don't findthis funny.
GEORGIE.I just thoughtI couldpickup somefashion
tips. So I look presentablewhenwe all go out to dinner.
ANDREW.This is notfunny.

(Pause.)

GEORGIE.Okay.It's not funny.Fine.(Pause.)I didn't

mean anything. I just meant-1his is a nice dress.Silk,
huh? Lydia's kind of loaded,huh?(Pause.)Youthinkthis
looks good on me? I mean,I got somemoneycomingin
now, maybeI shouldtry to dressbetler,
ANDREW.I thinkyoushouldtakeit off.
GEORGIE.Yeah. I guess I look preuy stupid.(SHE
crossesback to thl bedroom.)
ANDREW.I'm sorry.That's her favoritedress.Ijust-
you don't even knowher. She's nothinglikethat.

(GEORGIEtxits.)

ANDREW.(Calling.)We'll set up a datethis weekand

actually do il! we'll go out to dinner.The lhrccof us.You
two can spend I.heevening LrashingEdward.It'll be run.
You'II be I.hickas lhievcsby dawn.
GEORGIE.{Off.) She doesn'tlikehimcilhcr,huh?
ANDREW,Bolhor you,you'rebothheartblcakcrs.
 SPIKE HEELS 13

(GEORGIE reenlers and stands in tM doorway, without Mr

shirt on, wearing a slip and a bra. SHE carries the t-
shirt in her hands.)

GEORGIE. What is that suppo.$Cdtom~?

ANDREW. Nothing. I told you, I lhjnk he has a crush
on you. I talked to him last week, and-
GEORG IE. You talked to him? You tallced to him.
What did he say?
ANDREW. Georgie.
GEORGIE. What?
ANDREW. Put your shirt on.
GEORGIE. (Puts the I-shirt on. It is long and loose,
with sleevu and neck cul out. When she pulls it over her
slwulders, her breasts are still largely exposed. ANDREW
points it out to lrer.) You talked to him?
ANDREW. I talk lO him all the time. You know thaL
GEORGIE. So what did he say?
ANDREW. He said he liked you.
GEORGIE. Great That's just-and what did you say?
ANDREW. I said I liked you, too.
GEORGIE. That's what you said? You said, "I like her,
too." That's all you said?
ANDREW. (Perplexed.) Yes. That's all I said.

GEORGIE. Great Well, you know, as far as I'm

concerned, Edward can just go fuck himself. I mean, your
little friend is just a prince, isn't he? He's just a delight.
(SHE goes back into the bedroom.)
14 SPIKEHEELS

ANDREW.(Calling.)Look-he hir~ you. You didn't

have any references,you didn't haveany legal experience,
you didn'l have a collegedegree.And he didn't ask any
questions. You mightthinkabout that
GEORGIE.(Reenters,carryinga pair of gym slwrts.
While sht speaks,SHEtakesoff her slip andpantyhose.)
Oh, I might, might17All right I'm thinkingabout that.
Nothing is coming to me, Andrew. What is your point
here?
ANDREW.My point is, he gave you a job. I'm not
saying the manis a sainLBut he gaveyoua job.
GEORGIE.Yeah, right,he "gave"me lhc damnjob. I
fucking work my ass off for that jerk; he doesn't give me
shil. I cam it, you know? He "gave" methe job. I just love
that. What docs that mean, that I should be working at
McDonald's or something,that's what I really deserveor
something?
ANDREW. You wouldn't last two hours al
McDonald's.Somecustomerwould complainabout their
French fries and you'd tell him to fuck off anddie, and that
would be the endof thnt.
GEORGIE.Bullshit.Fuck you, lhal is such fucking
bullshit. You think I don'l know how to behavein public
or somclhing?
ANDREW. (Ovulap.) Georgie-could you put your
clolhcs on-Gcorgie-
GEORGIE.(Ignoringliim,overlapping,) Jesus, I wasa
goddam wailtcss for seven years, the customers fucking
loved me. You think I talk like this in frontof SI.rangers;
you think l don'l have a bruin in my head or something?
That is so fucking condescending. Anytime I lose my
temper. I'm crw.y, is lhat it? You don't know why I lhrew
 SPl.KEHEELS 15

that pencil, you just assume. You just make these

assumptions. Well, fuck you, Andrew. I mean it. Fuck
you. (SHE takes her clothes in her hands and heads/or the
door.)
ANDREW. You can't go out in the hall like that-
GEORGIE. I mean, I just love that. You don't even
know. You've never seen me in lhat office. You think rm
like, incapable of acting like somebody I'm not? For four
months I've been scared to death but I do it, you know, I
take messages, I call the court, I write his damn letters. I
watch my mouth, I dress like this-whatever this is; these
are the ugliest clothes I have ever seen-I am gracious, I
am bright, I am promising. I am being this other person
for them because I do want this job but there is a point
beyond which I will not be fucked with! So you finally
push me beyond that point, and I throw the pencil and now
you're going to tell me that that is my problem? What, do
you guys think you hold all the cards or something? You
think you have the last word on reality? You do, you think
that anything you do to me is okay, and anything I do is
fucked because I'm not using the right words. I'm, like,
throwing pencils and saying fuck you, I'm speaking
another language, that's my problem. And the thing is-I
am America. You know? You guys are not America. You
think you are; Jesus Christ, you guys think you own the
world. I mean, who made up these rules, Andrew? And do
you actually think we're buying it?

(Pause.)

ANDREW. Maybe you should sit down and tell me

what's going on.
16 SPIKE HEELS

GEORGIE. Yeah, and maybe you should go fuck

yourself. (Paust.) I'm sorry,okay?
ANDREW. Aie you okay?
GEORGIE. Yest No. Christ I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

(Pause. THEY s1andfor a moment in silence. ANDREW

crosses and puts his arm aroundher. SHE leansagainst
him.)

ANDREW. What happened al lhe office?

GEORGIE. I don't know. You got anything to drink
around here? I mean, could I have a drink?
ANDREW. Do you want some tea?
GEORGIE. Tea? Are you kidding? I mean, is that
supposed to soothe me or something? I hate to break the
news to you, but I really think that that is like, just a
myth, Andrew. I think that in reality vodka is far more
soothing than tea.
ANDREW. I don 'i have any vodka.
GEORGIE.Bourbonworkstoo.
ANDREW. I have half a bottle of white zinfandel.
GEORGIE. Oh, Jesus. Make me tea.

(IJE exits 10 tht kitchtn. GEORGIEcrosses,picks up the

gym shorts and puts them on. ANDREWrttnters.)

ANDREW.All right Now tell me whathappened.

GEORGIE.Nothinghappened.I mean,it's stupid.
ANDREW.(Pause.)That's iL?ll's stupid? You can talk
for hours about absolutelynothing,and now all you have
to say about somethingdun is clearly upscuingyou is, h's
atupid?
-·•

SPIKE HEELS 17

GEORGIE. I feel stupid.

ANDREW. What arc you talking about, you feel
stupid? You just walked in here and insulted me for ten
minutes.
GEORGIE. That was different I was mad.
ANDREW. You have to be mad to talk?
GEORGIE. No, come on-I don't know-
ANDREW. I could make you mad.
GEORGIE. No, you couldn'L You're too nice.
ANDREW. Fuck you.
GEORGIE. -Andrew-
ANDREW. Fuck you. Come on. Fuck you.
GEORGIE. (Calm.) Yeah, fuck you too.
ANDREW. Fuck you.
GEORGIB. Fuck you.
ANDREW. Fuck you.
GEORGIE. You look really stupidsaying fuck you--
ANDREW. Fuck you. Fuck you! Fuck you.
GEORGIE. (Laughing. Overlap.) Andrew, stop it Cut
it out It soundsweird when you say it. You shouldn't talk
like that
ANDREW. y OU talk like that all the time!
GEORGIE. I'm different I mean, I know how to swear.
You don't. It's like, fuck you. Fuck you. Or, you know,
fuck you. It's just-you know. You got to know how to
say it.
ANDREW. Fuck you.
GEORGIE. Forget iL You look really stupid. You look
the way I look when I try to talk like you.
ANDREW. You've tried it? Really? I must have missed
that day.
18 SPIKE HEELS

GEORGIE. Oh, fuck you. You know I can do it; I can

be as snotty and polite as anybody and it just makesme
look stupid.
ANDREW. Georgie, it doesn't You just-loolc. The
English language is one of the most elegant and
sophisticated languages on earth, and it will let you be
whatever you want. If you use it carefully, and with
respect, it can teach you things, it will allow you to
uncover thoughts and ideas you never knew you were
capable of; it will give you access to wisdom.
Sophistication. Knowledge. Language is a gift that
humanity has given itself to describe the world within, and
without, with grace and wonder, and you can do that Or
you can use it badly and jusl be what you say you are. You
can just be a, a fucking-<:unt, if lhal.'s all you ever-
GEORGIE. UGGH. I can't believe you used that word.
Oh, my God. You should see these words coming out of
your mouth. It's so fucking weird. I'm not kidding,
Andrew. I wouldn't swear if I was you.
ANDREW. Forget it. (The tea kettle WHISTLES.)You
want that fucking tea?
GEORGIE. No. I don't want the fucking tea.
ANDREW. (Exits to the kitchen and turns off the
/cellle.HE re-enters.) You want tot.ell mewhat happened?
GEORGIE. Oh, God. It rea1ly is stupid. I mean, what
do you think happened? He wants to screw me is what
happened.

(Pause.)

ANDREW. Could you elaborate on that?

GEORGIE. What, youdon't know what that means?
I I

SPIKE HEELS 19

ANDREW. He propositioned you or he tried to rape

you or what? You have to be more specific; "screw" covers
a lot of ground.
GEORGIE. Well, in his own weird Jiule way he tried
both, okay?
ANDREW. (Pause.)Georgie, don't kid around with me
now-
GEORGIE. Just sit down, Andrew. He didn't Jay a hand
on me, he just-Look. Last wcclc he tells me we have to
talk about my future with the firm so we go out to dinner
and he tells me how amazing I am and I could be a
paralegal if I keep this up. I spilled my soup, I got so
excited. So then he took rne home and asked if he could
come up, and I said sorry, but I would like to keep our
relationship professional. See, I do know how to ialk like
you assholes when I want to, so you can just stop acting
like I'm a fucking idiot with words.
ANDREW. So he propositioned you.
GEORGIE. Last week, that was last week. Yesterday,
he has me stay late, right? He says, "Georgie, could you
stay late and type up some interrogatories." And I say,
"sure." Then after everybody's gone he invites me into his
office and asks me if I knew his couch folds out into a bed.
So I say, "I have to get to work, Edward." But he wants to
have a debate about the pros and cons of whether or not I
should screw him. It was amazing, it wenton for twenty
minutes, I am not kidding. So I finally said, "Edward, I
don't have to debate this with you. I don't have to be
polite, you know? I'm not going to fuck you." So he soys,
he doesn't have to be polite either and he could just rape
me if he wanted because everybody else is gone and the
security guard isn'l due unlil ten. And I slared at him-and,
 I

20 SPIKEHEELS

you know, I could sec it in his little lawyer's face; he

could've done it. (Pause.)I mean, on the one hand, it was
no big deal; I just wallcedout of the office and took the
stairs, 'cause I wasn't going to wait for any elevator. I
mean, I was scared, but I didn't think he was going to do
anything because it was pretty clear that in his own sick
little mind, just saying it was as good as doing iL
ANDREW. You went to work today? You went to
workafter that?
GEORGIE. That job means a lot to me! (Pause.)What
was I supposed to do, just quit and go back to-fuck, I
don't know-I mean-I don't want to go back and be a
waitress! What was I supposed to do? Quit because Edward
is an asshole? I didn't care,I didn't lhink he'd try it again!I
didn't; I thought that was it!
ANDREW. Wasn't it?
GEORGIE. Today, he comes out of his office at about
4:30 and asks me to stay late to type a pleading. And he
kind of looks at me, you know? So I said, fuck you,
Edward, and threw my pencil at him.
ANDREW. (Pause.)Why didn't you tell me? DammiL
Why didn't you tell me last night?
GEORGIE. He said something, it was something he
said.
ANDREW. He said somethingworse?
GEORGIE. No. No. It was just talk. You know? It was
just talk. I just-I didn't want to make a big deal about iL
ANDREW. It is a big deal. It's indecent It's a big deal.
(HE pacesangrily.)
GEORGIE. Andrew.You're mad. J've neverseen you
mad.
 SPIKEHEELS 21

ANDREW.Yes, I'm madl I'm mad!We'll sue him for

harassmenLWe'll take him to court.
GEORGIE.What.are you kidding?He'll kill us. He's a
reallygoodlawyer.
ANDREW.I don't care.DammiLGoddammit!
GEORGIE.You want sometea?
ANDREW.NO, !-(Pause.) I'm sorry. I shouldn't be
yellingat you.
GEORGIE. It's okay. I mean, he didn't really do
anything. It was just talk. Okay?Let me malceyou some
tea.

, (SHE goes into the kitchen. ANDREW prowls the room

angrily for a moment, then picks up the phone and
1- dials. GEORGIE reenters with the tea.)

GEORGIE.Andrew, what are you doing? You're not

calling him, are you? Don't call him, okay? Andrew. I
mean it.
ANDREW.(Into phone.) Hi, Jennine,it's Andrew.Can
you see if Edwardis still there?
GEORGIB.(0-verlap.) Andrew,I'm not kidding.Could
you put the-would you put the fuckingreceiverdown?
Oh, FUCK.

(SHE crossesand pulls the cordout of the wall. THEY

stare aJ each olherfor a mo~nl. startled.)

GEORGIE.What.did you thinkI was kidding?Did you

not understandthat I was sayingI do not want you calling
that asshole?Do you not understandEnglish?
 SPIKEHEELS

ANDREW, (Picks u.p the ends of the phone cord,

angry.)Have you lost yow-mind?
GEORGIE. No, I have not lost my mind! What the
fuck kind of questionis that?I asked you nicely to put lhe
phone down. It was your little macho choice to keep on
dialing, so don't go acting like I'm insane. I just don't !i
want you talkingto him right nowt I don't need you doing
I
some son of protective male thingberet Just for a minute, I
cw.ay? i'
t
!
(Pause.) I
I
i
ANDREW.Okay. i!
GEORGIE.rm sorryabout your phone. i
ANDREW. It's okay.
GEORGIE.I'll get you anotherone.
ANDREW.ll' s okay.
GEORGIE.God, I should just go home before I make
everythingworse--
ANDREW.No. It's okay.I'm sorry,okay'?

(HE takes Mr face in his hartdsfora mom~nt;SHE pulls

awayntrvou.sly.)

GEORGIE. Okay. Let's talk about something else.

Here's your tea. Chop thosevegetables.Let's talk about-
books. That'll cheer you up.
ANDREW.Oe.orgio-
GEORGIE.No, come on, you're always beating me
over the head to talk about books. I finished that one you
gave me.
 SPIKE HEELS 23

(SHE pulls a book our of lur purse. THEY 10/k

nervously.)

ANDREW.Already?
GEORGIE. lt was good; it was a good read, you know?
Reminded me of, like. Sydney Sheldon.
ANDREW. The Iliad reminds you of Sydney Sheldon.
GreaL
GEORGIE. Yeah, a lot happened, it would make a great
mini series, you know? We should try the idea out on my
sister; she's like the expert on junk TV. No shit. she lies
around this apartment in the Bronx all day..... What else
you got?

(SHE picks up a book from the table. HE 1alcesii from

her.)

ANDREW. No, you can't have that. I'm using thaL

GEORGIE. Oh. Right. Right! How's your book
coming?
ANDREW. It's fine.
GEORGIE. You should let me help you with that. I
mean, I'm out of work now. I could come down and plug it
into your computer for you. No kidding, I'm fast. I'll type
it up for you; you'll be done in a week.
ANDREW. Right.
GEORGIE. I could, I could help! I mean,as long as
you 're going to do this Pygmalion thing, you might as
well get somethingout of it.
ANDREW. Do whal?
GEORGIE. Isn't that what it's called? I heard Edward--
uh-you know, I heard That Guywe both can't stand right
24 SPIKE HEELS

now tell one of the partners you were doing this pig thing.
So I ulccd Donna about it. Some guy wroce a whole book;
I bought iL
ANDREW. George Bernard Shaw.
GEORGIE. Yeah. I mean, it didn't exactly hit me a.,
being the same thing herc-
ANDREW. It's not the same thing. It's not the same
thing at all. Edward doesn't know shit, okay? (HE lalcesthe
vegetables into tht ldrchen.)
GEORGIE. (Calling.) Well-<>kay, he doesn't know
shit, but I thought there were similarities.
ANDREW. (Reenters wUh wash cloth and begins
wiping off coffee table.) It's not the same thing.
GEORGIE. Then what is it? (Pause.)I mean iL What is
thi s.?
ANDREW. What is what?
GEORGIE. This. This. All the dinners and the books
and the lessons and the job. What is this, anyway? We
been doing this for like, six months or something, you
know? I mean-what's going on here, Andrew?
ANDREW. Georgie. We can take him 10 court
GEORGIE. NO. I'm not talking about him. I'm talking
about &his.What is this?
ANDREW. It's-friendship.
GEORGIE. Fficndship.
ANDREW. Yes.
GEORGIE. You're sure about that
ANDREW. Yes.
GEORGIE. You get that mad whenever anybody fucks
around with your friends, huh?
ANDREW. Yes.
 SPIKE HEELS 2S

(SHE looksat him. Suddenly,SHE crosses and sits very

close.)

ANDREW.What arc you doing?

GEORGIE. Nothing.
ANDREW.Georgie-- f
GEORGIE. I'm not doing anything. I'm just sitting
next to my friend here with hardly any clothes on.
ANDREW. Come on. Don't do this. Please?
GEORGIE. Just once, Andrew. Don't you want to try it
just once? Really. Don't you, kind of?
ANDREW. I don't think a one night saand is what
you're looking for.
GEORGIE. Fine. We'll do it twice. She'll neverknow.
ANDREW. She's not the one I'm worried about.
Georgie-oh, boy. Look, you're upset about what
happened withEdward--
GEORGIE. Do I look upset?
ANDREW. But this isn't going to fix that-
GEORGIE. I don't need to be fixed. Come on, Andrew,
let's just do it today. I had a bad day. I'm not upset-but I
had a badday.
ANDREW. Georgie---no-If 1-1 would be just asbad
as him if I-I'm not going to take advantage of you like
that.
GEORGIE. Fuck, yes, take advantage of me. Please.
Don• t be noble, Andrew. For once, don't be noble.
ANDREW. Georgie, sweetheart-
GEORGIE. Andrew. She's going to be here in half an
hour. We don't have a lot of time to talk about this.

9i

C
26 SPIKE HEELS

(SHE slides her arms up around his neck. Protesting,HE

tries lo pull her away. SHE resists and THEY wrestle
for a moment,·ANDREWfinally gets ~r turnedaround
and holds her in front of him with her arms crossed
umkrhis.)

GEORGIE. Okay, okay, if you don't want to, just say

so--
ANDREW.It's not that I don't want to! (Pause.) I want
to, all right? .
GEORGIE.Youdo?
ANDREW.Yes. Oh, yes.

(HE buries his face in her hair for a moment. SHE waits,
uncertain.)

GEORGIE. Okay. (Pause.) Are we waiting for

something?
ANDREW.It's not that simple.
GEORGIE.Trust me on this one. It is that simple.

(SHEpulls away:HE holdsher.)

ANDREW. Not fifteen minutes ago, you were on a

rampage;you werereadyto murdermeandeveryotherman
you've ever meLNow you want to makelove?
GEORGIE.Sex is kindof spontaneousthat way.
ANDREW.It's not what you want.
GEORGIE.I'm preuy sure it is.
ANDREW. Please. Listen to me. Will you please
listen?
--- ... ----~lllliMl,j~~~Jiiii}Wiiiiiiii~-· ----

SPIKE HEELS 27

(SHE nods.HE releasesMr. Pause.) ,

_ANDREW. All right. Nietzchcralks about the myth of

eternalreturn.
GEORGIE. Oh, come on. Don't do this to me-
ANDREW. Thomas Hardy, historical repetition.
GEORGIE. Don't do this to me, Andrew-we don't
have muchtimehere!
ANDREW. (Overlap.) What history teaches is that
people have never learned anything from history. Hegel.
History is a nightmare from which I am trying to escape.
JamesJoyce.
GEORGIE. (Overlap.) This is your fucking book. I
don't want to hear about your stupid book now!
ANDREW. You better want to hear about it, because
I'm not talking about my stupid book, I'm talkingaboul
your life. HislOrical repetition. One man treats you bad so
you fall in bed with another. God. The system eats up
people like you; you end up in dead end jobs, crummy
aparunents, bad neighborhoods,too many drugs, too much
alcohol, meaningless relationships. They don't give you
/ anything to live for, so you Jive for nothing! The
complexities of what happens to lhe underclassesarc so
byzantine no one can malce head or tall out of them
anymore, we never could. We spin our theories,one after
another, and it never amounts to anything;century after
century we lose half the humanrace, more than half. to
what? And why? I just didnI t want to sec you become a
statistic.
GEORGIB.What does this have to do with whether or
not we go to bed?
28 SPIKE HEELS

ANDREW. I will not becomejust another one of your

lovers. We're both worth more thanthat.
GEORGIE. I didn't mean-
ANDREW. Relationships mean something. People
m~an. You don't s~p with every person you're attracted
to: that's not the way it works. And aside from the crucial
fact that I'm not about to betray Lydia, whom I love, I'm
not going to betray you. You want to know what this is? I
am not your friend, okay? I am your teacher. And you don't
sleep with your teacher:it screws up everything. You don't
do it
GEORGIE. Fine. Okay, fine. I mean, I just wanted to
sleep with you. I didn't mean to threaten world history.
ANDREW. Georgie.It's not that I don't want to.
GEORGIE. No, it's fine, I don't care, I shouldn't of-
I'm no better thanEdward,am 17
ANDREW. No. You are.
GEORGIE. What's Lydia like? Is she like you? I mean,
is she gentle, like you?
ANDREW. I guess so.
GEORGIE. Edward is so full of shit. You know, he
told mc:--He told me the reason he came on to me was
because you told him to.
ANDREW.What?
GEORGIE. Yeah.I mean,I didn't believe him. Because
it was so creepy, and you're not-I mean, you're so Not
That, but it just made mo sick to hear it, you know?
ANDREW.(Pause.)Whatdid he say?
GEORGIE. I don't know. He said you told him I was
on the make or something and he should-you know?
Then today when I got here,you said you talked to him, so
 SPIKEHEELS 29

I thought-I mean. I didn't want to think it, but-rm

sorry.I just-I got freakedout I'm sorry.
ANDREW.It's okay.
GEORGIE.Whata creep.
ANDREW. Yeah. (Longpause.)lt's gettinglate. We
should-get goingon thisdinner.

(HEpicks up tM dish rag and crossesto thekitckn. SHE

walCMS himfor an awfulmomtnt.)

GEORGIE.(Q~t.filled withdread.)Andrew?
ANDREW.What?
GEORGIE.Whatdid yousay10him?
ANDREW.What?
GEORGIE.(Paust.) Oh, no. WhenI got here you said
youtalked to him.Whatdid yousay?
ANDREW.I said-I likedyou.ThatWa9all I said.
GEORGIE.ThatWM all?
ANDREW. Yes! I mean,no, I-of course,we talked
aboutother things.but it wasn'tanything-it wMn't-
GEORGIE.Why are yougettingso nervous?
ANDREW.I'm not nervous!I'm tryingto remember
the conversation.He said-he wantedto mk youout, and I
saidI thoughtthat would be okay.I told him you might
be-I told himI thoughtyou mightneedsomeonein your
life,you seemed-Look.I thoughtyouweregettinga kind
of a crush on me.so it mightbe goodfor you-
GEORGIB.You gavemeto him?
ANDREW.No. That's notwhy I did.
GEORGIB.What thefuck wouldyou callit? Why was
he asking your permissionto go out with me in lhc first
30 SPIKEHEELS

place? AmI likeyour propertyor somethingand he has to

get yourpennission-
ANDREW.Georgie,no; it wasa misunderstanding. He
thoughttherewas somethinggoingon betweenusand he
just wantedto know-
GEORGIE.Somethinggoing on. Some thing, huh?
Christ,Andrew.I am in lovewithyou.
ANDREW.(Pause.)I'm sorry.I didn'tknow.
GEORGIE.You didn't know? How could you not
know?
ANDREW.Please,believeme,if I hadknown,I never
wouldhavesaid-
GEORGIE.You never would have said what? You
never would have said, go ahead, take her? You never
would have said lhat, huh? I can't believeyou. You-
you'rejust the sameas thorestof them,aren't you?(SHE
picks up hu bag and goes to,~ door quickly.furious.)
ANDREW.No! That's not-Georgie, you're upset,
you're not beingfair,you'renotthinking-
GEORGIE.Don't talkto meaboutfair,just don't even
start!
ANDREW.Don't walkout Wehaveto talkaboutthis.
Georgie,-
(HE grabsherelbow.SHEshoves
himhard.THEYstareat
eachother.)

GEORGIE.Fuck that, Andrew.You don't like my

language,and I don't like yours.I'm sickof talking,you
know? You know what I mean?You guys-for all you
know,you don't knowshit (Sf/E exits.)

BLACKOUT
•
SPIKE HEELS 31

Scene 2

Again, loud classical MUSIC on 1he radio: this time

something more sinister-S1ravin.s/r;y,Rachmaninoff. A
bottle of scotch with a significant dent in it stands on
the coffee table. KNOCKING on 1he door. After a
moment, ANDREW crosses into the room.

ANDREW. Yeah, yeah, I'm coming-

(HE opens the door,· EDWARD enters. ANDREW stares at

him, aghast.)

EDWARD. Hi. How's it going?

ANDREW.Edward.
EDWARD. Nice. Nice welcome. Listen, your secwiLy's
greal here; your front door is wide open.
ANDREW. Edward, what are you doing here?
EDWARD. I'm returning your calls. Sorry I didn't get
back to you; I was in court all day. Anyway, I'm supposc.d
to have dinner with Georgie, so I thought I'd kill two birds
with one stone. I won't stay.
ANDREW. (Quietly astonished.) What? You what?
EDWARD. Christ, what a day I've had. Can I use your
phone? (HE dials.)
ANDREW. She's having dinner with you?
EDWARD. Yeah. Can you tum that down?

(ANDREW crosses 10 the MUSIC and snaps ii off.

EDWARD speaks into the receiver.)
32 SPIKE HEELS

EDWARD. Georgie. It's Edward. (Pause.)No, no, I'm

in the building. I'm at Andrew's. So, can you just me.et me
down here? (Pause.) Hello? (Pause.) No, I just-Andrew
wanted to talk.to me about something, so I-No, I just got
here. (Pause.) It's okay-okay, take your time. (Pause.)
Okay, great. Bye. (HE staresal the receiver,perplu.ed, and
hangsup.) ChrisL You have anything to drink around here?
ANDREW. You're not staying.
EDWARD. (Findstht bottle of scotch.)Is this scotch?
Andrew, congratulations. You learned how to drink scotch.
(HE exits to the kitchen, deliverspart of his speech there,
reenterspouringscotchandsits.)
ANDREW.F.dward-
EDWARD. (Calling.) You would not believe the day
I've had. I spent the entire afternoon in front of McGilla
Gorilla trying to convince her that thrr.e Jamaican dope
peddlers with a collective list of priors as long as the Old
Testament had been denied their rights. Some of these
judges-I mean, I didn't write the fucking constitution. It
wasn't my idea to give everybody rights. That was our
founding Cathe.rs,remember? If she doesn't like it, she can
complain to the goddam supreme court. The stupid cop
violated their rights. He pulls them over-get this, the cop
pulls them over because they ran a red light-and they all
get into an argument, so he pulls a search and seizure and
finds six pounds of marijuana in the trunk. Marijuana,
okay, we're not even talking cocaine. And can you show
me probable cause in an argument about whether the light
was yellow or red? Can you do thal for me, please? Four
hours I'm arguing this shit. I mean, I got assigned Lhis
crummy case; someone give me a fucking breDklI hate this
 SPIKE HEELS 33

pro bono shit. If I'm going to defend criminals I really

prefer that they have lots and lots of money.
ANDREW. (Crosses and talus the glass from him
politely. Quiet.) Don't make yourselfat home; you're not
staying.I've been calling you all day to let you know that
I want you to stay away from her. If you ever go near her
again, I'll have you charged with assault No. Forget that.
If you go near her, I'll cut your throat out. Do you
understand?Now get out.

(Pause.)

EDWARD. Well. That was aggressive. You want to

tell me what this is about? I
ANDREW. You know what this is about.
EDWARD. Well, no, really, I don't, but I can make
/
some wild guesses.You talkedto Georgie?
ANDREW.Yes. I talked to Georgie.
EDWARD. She told you aboutthe fight we had, huh?
ANDREW. Actually, what she told me was that you
threatenedto rape her.
EDWARD.What?Oh, that is not-
ANDREW.Don't. Just don't even try to talk your way
out of this one. You know, frankly,I never thought even
you could sink this low. Christ, we've been friends for
what, fifteen years, and I've seenyou go througha lot of
women and I'm not always crazy about the way you treat
them, but this-if anyone had asked me, I would've said,
no, he's bad but he's not that bad-
EDWARD.(Overlap.) ANDREW.
Andrew. I didn't threaten her. I
did not threatenher. Okay?
34 SPIKEHEELS

ANDREW.Spareme--
EDWARD.To the best of my recollection,in this
countrythe accusedis innocentuntilprovenguilty,so can
you givemea secondhereto tellyouwhathappened?
ANDREW.Fine.Fine.Gorightahead.
EDWARD.CanI havemydrinkback,ple&e?

(ANDREWlooksat him,handshimtht drink.)

EDWARD.I'm glad lo see you're bringingan open

mind to this. Okay.Youwantto knowwhathappened?I
came onto her. I admit it. That's not a crime;she's an
attractivewoman.And as you'll recall,J told you about
thisahe.adof time;I gotclearancefromyou,pal.
ANDREW.Don'tthrowthatat me--
EDWARD.(Overlap.)I ~ked you-
ANDREW.(Overlap.}-You said youwantedto start
seeingher!
EDWARD.Did you thinkthat meantI was going to
ta1ceheron a picnic?
ANDREW.I certainlydidn'tthinkit meantrape.
EDWARD.Oh, for-Nothing happened!I cameonto
her andshe wasn'tinterestedandI got mad.That's iL I got
mad.
ANDREW, Whatdidyousaylo her?
EDWARD.Please.Whoremembers?It tumed into a
huge fighLThe womanis screamingat me. I knowvery
little.
ANDREW. Whatdidyousay?
EDWARD.Andrew-thiswomanmakesGodzillalook
like a Barbiedoll.
ANDREW.Whatdidyousay?
 SPIKEHEELS 35

EDWARD.I don't rememberthe specificsof the fight.

ANDREW.Youdid it, didn't you?Yousaidit.
EDWARD.I did not threatenher, okay? I mean, we
were havingan argument,a disciwionin my office,and I
said some thingsthat perhapsI shouldnothavesaid,but I
did not threatenher-
ANDREW.(Ovtrlapping.)Oh,what,"somethingsthat
I shouldnot havesaid," likeI couldjust rapeyou-
EDWARD.All right, yes, perhapsI said that, that is
not the same lhing-
ANDREW.That's it. Get out

(IJE grabs at the drink. EDWARDrtsisls and lhe scotch

goesflying, coveringboth of l~m.)

EDWARD. Do you think we can discuss this like

rationaladults?
ANDREW.No, as a matter of fact, I don't think we
can.
EDWARD.WhenI walkedin, yousaidyou wantedto
slit my lhroaLThat doesn'tmeanyou'dactuallydo it, d~
it?
ANDREW.Oh, it might.
EDWARD. I was having a fight with my secretary,
Andrew. We both said things we shouldn't have said.
(EDWARDturnsawayandgoesto thekitchen.HE returns
a moment later with a towel.HE drieshimselfoff and
throwsit at Andrew.)
ANDREW.It wasn't a fight ll wassexualharawnent
EDWARD.Oh, don't evensay thosewords.Evecyone's
so fuckingsensitivelhesedays--
ANDREW.(Overlap.)I don't givea damnwhatyou-
 36 SPIKE HEELS

EDWARD. (Overlap.} As a term, "sexual hanwment"

is so overdcfined it's almost meaningless. MacKinoon
notwiLhstanding, at no point did I actually threaten her, and
at no point did I suggest lhat her job security would be
endangered by a failure to participate in a sexual act-
ANDREW. (Overlap.} Shut up. WOULD YOU
PLEASE SHl.IT UP?

(Pau.st.)

EDWARO. rm sorry. I spend too much time in front

of judges. (Pause.) Come on. Let's be reasonable about
this. If I had threatened lO rape her, would she be having
dinner wiLh me?
ANDREW. I don't know anyllling about any dinner.
... EDWARD. You just heard me on the phone with hu. I
admit, we had a nasty fight, but she came back tO the office
today, we talked it out, and she went back to work. �ow
I'm taking her to dinnet to smooth things ovu.
ANDREW. A dinner is supposed to smooth over .rape?
EDWARD. I did not in fact rape her! Can we at least
agree on that?
ANDREW__. Fine.
A
EDWRD. Thank you. Now. May I take it that you
object 10 lhis dinner?
ANDREW. Yes. I object lO the dinner.
EDW ARD.--Why?
ANDREW. F.dward-
EDWARD. Ase you interested in her?
ANDREW. You know-she is not some thing we can
pass around between us, Jesus-
 SPIKE HEELS 37

EDWARD. You•re objecting to a simple dinner. I'm

trying to find out why. If there•s something going on
between you-
~REW. No, nothing is going on between us!
EDWARD. You don•t want her. but you•d prefer that
no one else had her?
ANDREW. I don•t know what it is about you, but
everything sounds so sleazy coming out of your mouth.
EDWARD. Yeah, they teach us how to do that in law
school. I'm just trying to get a grip on this, man. I mean,
it sounds to me like you want to fuck ha-.
ANDREW. Everything is not sex. you know?
EDWARD. I know. Do you want to fuck ha- or not?
ANDREW. Look, I'm engaged to another woman, I'm
not about to-why am I even answering you? I'm not the
one on trial here!
EDWARD. Oh, no. Not Lydia. I have told you, I
absolutely refuse to believe that you are going to marry
thatwoman-
ANDREW. We are not getting into this again-
EDWARD. Sleeping with Lydia is one thing, Andrew,
but marrying her- .
ANDREW. We arenot discu~ing this- tS
EDWARD. Come on, the woman,~.,a corpse!
What happens when ·you dust her off an~~-~ut her in
sunlight?
ANDREW. You didn't object to her looks while you
were going out with herl As I recall, before she dumped
you, you thought shew~ "exquisite."
BOWARD. Ooooo. Nice shot. That's a three pointer.
(HE exits to tM kitchenand returnsa momentlater with
f,xingsfor horsd'oeurves.HE eatshappily.)
38 SP[KE HEE.LS

ANDREW. (Pause.) I don't know why I even tallc to

you anymore.
EDWARD. (Calling.) I keep you sharp.
ANDREW. (Calling.) You give me a headache.
EDWARD. (Reentering.) I love fighting with you.
You're so earnest
ANDREW. Oh, for-yes, I'm eamesL Jesus CHRIST,
I'm earnest! This is not a game-
EDWARD. ANDREW. CALM DOWN. I know it's
not a game. I'm just being a jerk, okay?
ANDREW. Well, cut it out. I mean. some things arc
not just food for another argumenL We're talking about a
woman's soul here--
EDWARD. A woman's soul? Andrew, come back.
We're not talking about anybody's soul; we're talking
about whether or not 1 said something sleazy to my
secreLary. I'm not trying to be difficult; I'm just being
realistic. I mean, 1 just, I don't want lo have a little
conversation atxlut how we all should behave beuer so the
world will be a better place. I'm not going to make the
world a better place. The human race does not do that. We
make it worse, we always have; if we're not killing each
other, we're killing whales or buffalo or bald eagles, what
have you, and if we're not doing that, we just pollute
everything so nothing can survive here anyway. That is
what the human race does; it's what we've always done.
We have our moments. W e have Shakespeare. The
Declaration of Independence. The Taj Mahal. Smokey
Robinson. We are capable of wisdom and compassion and
genius, but most of the time we just throw it away. We
yearn for meaning and then we squander our lives on drugs
and television. We're corrupL We arc. not good. I accept
 SPIKE HEELS 39

that. And this is why you're holed up in this nice little

university teaching political philosophy,and I'm malc.ing
$143,000 a year defending drug dealers. Because I Jilce
reality. And what is the moral or this story? The moral is:
Georgie is real. She is real. And frankly,your impulse to
keep her at a distance, physically,at least, strikes me as a
liule academic.
AND~W. Don't give me that. What are you saying,
I'm stupid or insipid because I want to preserve some
integrity in my private life, becauseI believe it's possible
to-to-to care about her withoutscrewingher? I believe
in human dignity so I'm an idiot, is that it? Well, fuck
you, Edward. I mean it. That's a crock of shit. Next thing,
you'll be tellingme Ted Bundyis a nationalhero!
EDWARD. Don't twist my words. My position is
offensive enough as it stands. Chill out. Have some
scotch. (HE pours him a drink.) Come on. We can talk
about this. We've been throughworse.
ANDREW. I don't know. I don't know. Sometimes,
talking to you is like talkjng to a swamp.
EDWARD.It's a gift.
ANDREW.I have to admit, it is.

(THEY drink.)

EDWARD. This is good scotch. When did you start

drinkingscotch?
ANDREW.Last night
EDWARD.Oh?
ANDREW. Yeah, We had a fight of our own. She
blamesme for the whole thing.As far as she's concerned,I
gave you permissionto threatenrape.
40 SPIKEHEELS

EDWARD.Well-in a way-
ANDREW.Edward-
EDWARD. Sorry. I'm sorry. It's like a knee jerk
reaction.I'm sony.
ANDREW. Look. I admit this is largely my fault. I
never should have sent her to you in the first place. I
wasn't thinking. I thought you'd treat her differently
becauseshe came fromme.
EDWARD.Andrew.
ANDREW.I know.That was prettystupid, wasn't it? I
am a stupidman.
EDWARD.Andrew-I'm sorry.I am sorry. I just don't
know what I can do about it now. Youwant me lo promise
IO behavemyselfl I can promisethat.
ANDREW.Please don't take this wrong, but I would
have to be crazy to trust your promisesat this point. God
only knowswhat the word"behave"actuallymeansto you.
EDWARD.It has a seriesof definitions.
ANDREW.Exactly.I'll get her anotherjob.
EDWARD.What?
ANDREW.Don't giveme a hard timeabout this! If she
goes backto work for you, it's like she's saying fine, treat
me like dirt, I don't mind. Well, she's better than that, all
right?
EDWARD.It's not like she's Joan of Arc, for God's
sake.
ANDREW.I'm not goingto argue about this anymore.
EDWARD.It just seemsto me thatcompleterelocation
is a drastic solution to an essentially simple
misWJderstanding. I don't thinkit's necessary,okay?
ANDREW.Well, I think it is.
 SPIKE HEELS 41

(Pause.)

EDWARD. Well, what you think isn't entirely relevant

anymore, is it?
ANDREW. (Pause.)Excuse me?
EDWARD. (Dangerous.) Look. I spent the last four
months training lhat girl and she is now a damn good
se.creiary. I'm not going to let you just wallcoff with her.
ANDREW. Oh, now everything's business all of a
sudden-
EDWARD. What else would it be?
ANDREW. Was it business when you threatened to
rape her? And this dinner, that's business too, huh?

(Pause.)

EDWARD. You know, you're gelling to be a real prick

in your old age.
ANDREW. That's funny, coming from you.

(Pause.)

EDWARD. So what arc you going to do? You going to

tell her that she can~twork for me anymore? You're going
to tell her that, hui\f·
ANDREW. I'm just going to talk to her. She'll quit.
EDWARD. She isn't going to quit! She doesn't give a
fuck about your moral codes, Andrew! She nec.dsthe damn
job,
ANDREW. Tm just going to talk to her.

....-- i
42 SPIKE HEELS

EDWARD. Tell you what. We'll both talk to her.

When she gets down here, we'll just ask her. The two of
us. We'll just ask her if she wants to quiL
ANDREW. I would prefer to talk to her alone.
EDWARD. Uh huh. I just bet you would.
ANDREW. Listen--
BOWARD. No, I understand. You two need a litUe
privacy to work out the details of this decent little
friendship you got
ANDREW. It's not-

(KNOCKS on door.)

EDWARD. How much time do you need?

ANDREW. I don't-
EDW ARD. It took me five minutes to get her to come
back. How much time do you need to get her to quit again?
GEORGIE. (KNOCKING.) Hey, are you guys in there?
EDWARD. Ten minutes. Will that do?
ANDREW. You know-Lydia really is right about
you.
EDWARD. I'll give you fifteen. That's &en more thanI
had. And I'll bet you, you still can't do it. How about it,
Andrew?
ANDREW. I am not going to bet you-
GEORGIB.(POUNDING.) You guys-
EDWARD. You're on. Come up with some sort of
excuse, okay? Hello, my darling.

(EDWARD opens the door. GEORGIE enters; SJIE ls

dressed to the nines in a provocalive outfit. In her
hands, SHEcarries a pair of exotic spike heels.)
 SPIKE HEELS 43

GEORGIE. Hi, Eddie. Have a liUle trouble with the

doorthere?(SHE crossesand pUlson her shoes.)
EDWARD. You're late.
GEORGIE. So fire me. The subway went insane yet
again. It IOOkme forever to get home. Hi, Andrew.
EDWARD. You should have said something. I could
have given you a lifL
GEORGIE. No, it's okay, I love the subway.

(SHE puts on the second slwe and stands up a little too

quickly. SHE staggers,· EDWARD reaches out and
steadiesher.)

EDWARD. Steady-
GEORGIE. Sorry. I haven't worn these things for a
while and you have to get used to them, you know? It's
kind of like walking on stilts.
EDWARD. They're fabulous. You really look
stUMing, Georgie.
GEORGIE. rm not overdressed, am I?
EDWARD. No, no. I mean, you don't have to be.
(Pause.) That's not what I mean. I mean, we can go
someplace elegant. If-we go out, I mean.
GEORGIE. What do you mean, if?
EDWARD. Nothing.
GEORGIE. Great. Let's go. (SHE turns/or the door.)
BOWARD. Andrew?
GEORGIE. Andrew. Well, what a fun idea. Andrew.
Why don't you come along?
ANDREW. I don't think-
44 SPIKE HEELS

GEORGIE.If you're not hungry,you can alwayswatch

US eaL

ANDREW. No. Thank you.

GEORGIE.Suit yourself.(To Edward.)Andrew'sin a
snit, huh? He docsn 't like it when I wear these shoes. He
thinksthey're bad for me. But you like them,don't you?
EDWARD.I have lOadmit,I do. Sorry,Andrew.
GEORGIE.I like them, too. I like lhe way they make
my legs look kind of dangerous. And I like being tall.
(SHE laughs.) I like being able to look you both in the
eye. It's the only chance I get, when I'm wearing these
things. (SHE crosses to Edwardand stands close, looking
lum in the eye.) See what I mean?
EDWARD. It's perfecUydelightful.
GEORGIE.Thank you. (SHE looks back at Andrew.)
What do you think, Andrew?
ANDREW. I think theylook sad and ridiculous.
GEORGlE.Then I guess it's a good thing you're not
going out to dinner with us, huh? Come on, Edward.Let's
hit the road.
ANDREW.What's your rush?

(Pause.)

GEORGIE.Excuseme?
ANDREW.You don't have lOrush off, do you? Why
don't you guys stay and havea drink first?
GEORGIE.I think we're in kind of a hurry.
ANDREW.One drink.
 SPIKE HEELS 45

GEORGIE. Aten't we in a hurry?

ANDREW.Are you?Edward?
EDWARD. I don't think so.
ANDREW. Maybe you could run downstairsand get a
bottle of wine.
EDWARD. Well, there's an idea. I'll be right back.
GEORGIE. No, Edward-I mean, I don't like wine.
Look, Andrew has this scotch here. So Andrew, you've
taken up scoich, huh? Forget the wine. I'll have scotch.
ANDREW.I'd really like some wine.
GEORGIE. What are you talking about? You're
drinking scoo:h.
ANDREW. I'd rather have wine.
GEORGIE. Well, fine, then you go get it.

'
EDWARD. No, that's okay, I'll get it What would you
I
like?
ANDREW.I don't-Champagne.
GEORGIE. What?
ANDREW. We'll have champagne. It'll be fun.
GEORGIE. Fun?
EDWARD. I'll be right back.
GEORGIE. No, come on-I mean-okay. I'll go get it.
ANDREW and EDWARD. (Overlapping.) NO. No,
no-

(GEORGIEslaresat them.)

EDWARD. I mean-it'll just take a second. You two--

canchat.
GEORGIE. I don'l want to chat
EDWARD. Chat.
46 SPIKE HEELS

(HE ~xits. GEORGIE turns and stares at Andrew for a

second, then crosses and pours herself a glass of scotch.)

GEORGIE.Okay.What is going on?

ANDREW.I might ask you the same question.
GEORGIE.Hey. I'm not the one acting like the three
stooges.okay?
ANDREW.What do you thinkyou're doing?
GEORGIE. What do I lhink I'm doing? I think I'm
givingEdwarda hard-on.Whatdo you thinkI'm doing?
ANDREW. I don't know. (Pause.) Are you trying to
make mejealous?
GEORGIE.Is it working?
ANDREW.Yeah. Sure.
GEORGIE.Good.
ANDREW.I can't believeyou. You went back to work
for him. After what he did, you wentback to work-you're
going out to dinner-
GEORGIE.You're suggestingwe all have champagne
together. So get off my fuckingback, okay? It looks like
we're two of a kind whenit comesto Edward.
ANDREW. I was trying to get rid of him so I could
talk to you for a few minutes!
GEORGIE.Really?Andrew,you're so sly.
ANDREW.Okay. fine. You're mad at me. you want to
havea fight, fine-
GEORGIE. Gee. thanksfor the permission,teach-
ANDREW.But don't go back to work for him! Don't
have dinner with him!
GEORGIE.Why not?
ANDREW.He threatenedto rape you!
GEORGIE.He apologized!

=
 SPIKE HEELS 47

ANDREW. I would like to think that somethings go

beyond apology.
GEORGIE. Like what? Like bcttayal, maybe? Listen-I
know he's still slime, but you want to know what
happened? I did go back to work, yeah. I went back in to
get my stuff-I had all this shit in my desk, you know? So
I go in at about ten to pick it all up, and it was amazing.
Every secretary in the building has her own little saory to
tell me about how she almost did the same thing but never
had the guts. I'm like this fucking hero, you know? So
right in the middle of this big scene, there's like fifteen
·people crowding around my desk, right, Edward comes out
and says he wants to tallc to me. In his office. And he just
stands there, and it's like this dare, you know, it's like this
fucking dare, and everyone goes real quiet, just waiting lO
see what I'm gonna do. The whole fucking office is
watching me. So we go in, and he apologizes. Swore he'd
never do it again. Then he offers me a two thousand dollar
raise. Well-the whole thing just slarted to seem kind of
funny. Two thousand bucks? He never even touched me! I
didn't even have to kiss him. I just thought-hey, you
know, two thousand bucks. Jesus. So-I didn't quit.
(Pause.)I didn't quiL
ANDREW. Do you believe him?
GEORGIE. Yeah. I believe he's going to give me a
raise. He won't even feel it. Two thousand is likewhat he
paysto have his car waxed.
ANDREW. That's not what I mean.
GEORGIE. I know.

(Pause.)
~

48 SPIKEHEELS

ANDREW. I can get you another job. Last night I

called some people in the departmentand I found some
~
GEORGIE, I don't need a job. I got a job,
ANDREW.You don't have to put up with iL He'll try
it again, you know he will-
GEORGIE.I can take care of myself;I beendoing it for
years.I don't need you to like, worryaboutme. i
i
ANDREW.I beg to differ. I
GEORGIE.Yeah, well, tough shit for you. I
I

ANDREW.(Pause.)This isn't aboulthe job.

GEORGIE. I'm getting out of here; you make me
!
I
j
crazy-{SHE goesfor the door.)
ANDREW.Last night you said you were in love with I
me.
GEORGIE.Yeah.I remember I
(Pause.)

ANDREW.Come here, Please? I can't talk to you if

you keep tryingto leave. Comeon, sit down-

(HE crossts to her at the door.l11Slinctively,

her armsfly
up, defensive.)

GEORGIE. Andrew,don't-(Pause.) I just-could you

not get too close to me?

(Wounded,ANDREWbacks off. SHE stands at the door

and looksat him.)
 SPIKE HEELS 49

ANDREW. I'm sorry about what happened. I didn•t

mean IO betray you, and I certainly never meant IO hurt i
i
you, and if that's why you're doing this-- 'i
GEORGIE. What exactly am I doing? (Pause.) You
don't know, do you? You don't know if I'm just trying IO
i
make you jealous, or if this is just what is, you know, i
reality, why not sleep with him? Maybe this is me. Okay?
I mean, I understand this. Honnoncs I get. Every man I've
I
~
j

every had IO deal with-I fucking know how to deal with

that, okay? I know what IOdo, and when to do it, and how
I!
to get what I wanl. You know-I live in a whole different
world from you. I'm in the receiver's position. I do what
you guys tell me ,o; I always do iL Whether it's reading
II
books or fucking, I do it. I make all this noise, you know;
I scream and yell bloody fucking murder but I always ~
manage to do what you say. That's the way we survive.
I'm just being realistic, okay? And yeah, maybe I am
trying IO make you jealous, maybe I want to teach you
something for a change, you could learn from me, but-
I
I
I
i!
fuck. Jesus. Forget it. (SHEcrossesfrom himand sits.) I
I
ANDREW. You're not that You're not I
GEORGIE. Yeah, well then you tell me what I am
because I don•t know anymore. Oh, fuck. Look-I'm sorry
I'm being so awful, I don't-rm just confused, okay? I
don't want to talk about this. Fuck. I don't know what I'm
doing, Andrew, I just don't know what else to--
ANDREW. ICs okay. It's olcay. (ANDREW crosses to
her, tentative.) Let metakethoseoff. Please? Let me take
your shoes off.
50 SPIKEHEELS

(SHElooksat him,amaitd, asHE lcnetlsand takts htr

shots off, stttingthtm aside.HE holdshtr Jett betwttn
his handsfor a momtnt.)

GEORGIE.Andrew,don't. Come on. Don't. It's

killingme,okay?I knowil's nothingto you, but I can't
take it.
ANDREW.
(Looksat htr.) It's notnothing.

(HE holdsherbytht elbowandslowlyleansin to kissher.

Tht kiss btgins to ~comt passionateand physical
when HE suddenlypulls away.Confused,SHE clings
to him/or a moment,·HEgentlyre/eastshimself.)

ANDREW. (Pause.) Oh, God. Youscaremeto death.

GEORGIE. What?
ANDREW. You-no. No.
GEORGIE.Waita minute.Comeon. Let's go backto
thistendermomentthing-

(SHEreachtsfor him;HEpullsaway.)

ANDREW. Lookat thatdress.

GEORGIE. What?
ANDREW. Youlookridiculous.
GEORGIE. Youjust said-could younot fuckwithmy
brainhere?I getenoughof thatat theoffice--
ANDREW. Whyareyouwearingthoseshoes?
GEORGIE.Becausethey make my legs look good!
Whyare youyellingat me?
ANDREW.Becauseyou're making a spectacle of
yourself.
 SPIKE HEELS Sl

GEORGIE. Listen, the popular opinion is that I clean

up pretty good, so don't get started on me here--
ANDREW. You don't care, do you? You're just going
to go ahead and squander yourself. This is enough for you?
The shoes, the dress, the fancy dinner. That's what you
want, is that it?
GEORGIE. No. No, I don't want him, I don't want to
do this, if you don't want me to, I won't do it-I-Why
are you yelling at me? A minute ago you were kissing me,
and you meant it. You meant it. Why are you yelling at
me? What the FUCK is going on here?
ANDREW. (Pause.) It wouldn't work. We are too
differenL There is an abyss between us; not a crevice, not a
difference of opinion. An abyss. The void. It would be a
nightmare to negotiate, and you're not exaclly the calmest
person I've ever met, you know what I mean? Who do you
think you'd taJccit out on?
GEORGIE. I wouldn't.
ANDREW. Who are you kidding? It's inevitable with
you; there's no peace in you. The only reason we've lasted
as long as we have is because we don't sleep together. I
listen to you, and I feel battered. I wouldn't survive. I'm
telling you, if it got to be any more than this, I would not
survive. (Pause.) It doesn't have to be like this. Life
docsn 't have to be just this long scream of rage, Georgie.
You' re better than this. I made you better than this.
GEORGIE. What?
ANDREW. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.
GEORGIE. What did you say? You made me better?
Did you actually say that?
ANDREW. Please don't go off again, I cannot taJceany
more of this-
52 SPIKE HEELS

GEORGIE. (Piclc.sup the shoes.) Well, I won't be

better. l won't be better anymore. I'll be as bad as I want
Why didn't you just leave me alone in lhe first place; why
didn't you just let me be whatever I was? At least I was
happy. (SHEstarts to put on the shoesagain.)
ANDREW. You weren't happy.
GEORGW. Fuck you. I'm not happy now.
ANDREW. You were not happy. You were so bored
with your life you were killing yourself. You came home
drunk: after every shift; you were sleeping wilh every guy
who looked at you-
GEORGIE. That's what this is all about, isn't it? Fuck
the abyss, this isn't about any abyss, this is about sex! All
the guys. That's what bothers you, really. Isn't it?
ANDREW. Oh, for God's sake, I'm not judging you.
Your apartment's right above mine. I couldn't help-the
whole building knew about it. Christ.
GEORGIE. Why don't you just cut my heart out and
get it over with? Compared to you, Edward realJy is a
prince. Tell him I went upstairs to waiL
ANDREW. Gcorgio-
GEORGIB. TELL HIM I'M WAITING FOR HIM
UPSTAIRS.
ANDREW. It won't prove anything.
GEORGIE. Oh, y~. It will. Think about it, Andrew.
Think about it tonight, while you're listening to your liltle
ceiling here. Think about it

(SHE exits. ANDREW stands for a moment, then

viciouslyshoves a pile of booksoff the bookcase.)

BLACKOUT
 ACT D

Scene 1

Loud MUSIC is heard on tM boombox, Elvis Costello or

Prince. The UGHTS come up on Georgie's apartment,
layout identical to that in Andrew's apartment, but all
particular9-knickknacks, books, pillows, etc ..
different. This apartment is a comfortablemess. Georgie
actually has more books than Andrew,· they sprawl
everywhere,as do her tapes.
EDWARD and GEORGIE are discovered entwined in a
serious clinch on the couch. GEORG/E's legs are
wrapped around Edward's body, tM spike heels clearly
visible. After a moment, EDWARD suddenly pulls
away. HE loo/csdown at Georgie/or a moment, stands,
crosses to the MUSIC and snaps it off. GEORGIE
watches him, astonished. HE remains standing by the
silent boomboxfor a moment before she speaks.

GEORGIE. Is something wrong?

EDWARD. The music. It seeme.da little loud to me.
GEORGIE. Oh. (Pause.) Well, then, why don't you
tum it off?
BOWARD. Thanks, I think I will.

(Pause. /-IE stands there, thinking. SIIE looks at him.)

GEORGIE.Edward-

53
54 SPIKEHEELS

EDWARD.CouldI havesomethingto drink?

GEORGIE.Excuseme?
BOWARD. You invitedme up for a drink.I'd like a
drink.
GEORGIE.rm sorry.rm a little confused.I thought
we gotpast the drink.
EDWARD.I'm kind of thirsty.

GEORGIE.Okay.Whatwouldyouliketo drink?
EDWARD.I don't know,I-tea? CouldI havea cupof
tea?
GEORGIE.
Excuseme?
EDWARD.I thinkI'd like sometea.
GEORGIE.
Why?
EDWARD.Don'tyouhaveany lea?
GEORGIE.I don't know,you know,I kind of doubt
it-
EDWARD.ru look.
GEORGIE.
Edward--

(HE exits to the kitchen.NOISE.GEORGIEloo/c.s after

him,annoyed,thensitsandstaresat thecoffeetablefor
a momtnt.SHEsuddenlypicksup a pilt of booksand
drops thtm on tht floor, crossesto the table.pours
htrstlf a drink.)

GEORGIE.(Callingloudly.)I thinkyou're goingto

haveto settlefor scotch,Edward.Personally,I havealways
thoughtscotch was muchmore to the point than almost
anythingelse availablein mostsituations.

I
ffi
 SPIKEHEELS 55

EDWARD. (Calling.) I'd like to keep my wits about

me, if you don't mind.
GEORGIE. (Drinking.) Oh, you plan on needing your
wits? What fo(]
EDWARD. (Reentering.) One never knows. You know,
your kitchen is a disutet area. And how old is this swff?
(HE carriesa masMdboxof tea.)
GEORGIE. I have no idea.
EDWARD. That milk in there,you know, that stuff is
really frightening. (HE goesbackinto theldlcMn.)
GEORGIE. (Calling.) Edward-
EDWARD. (Calling, SOUND OF DISHES.) Don't
you ever wash your dishes? Andrew's always complaining
about the bugs in this building; I don't see how you can
just leave diny plaLes lying around like this. It's like an
invitation
GEORGIE. Edward-EDWARD.You are not doing my
dishes. YOU ARE NOT-

(SHEstandsand crossesquickly.
EDWARDmeetsher in the doorway.)

EDWARD. SHHHH. Could-would you be quiet,

please? You are one of the noisiest people I've ever met.
It's the middle of the night, people are trying to sleep.
GEORGIE. Not everyone. Someof them,I'm sure, are
doing other things.Peopledo all sortsof thingsin the
middle of the nighL Didn't you know that?
EDWARD. Yes. I know lhaL
GEORGIE. I thought maybe you did. So-what's the
problem here, Edward? All of a sudden you're acting like-
I mean, what, is this your first time?
 S6 SPIKE HEELS

EDWARD.No.
GEORGIE. You a little nervous? You want me to be
gentle? I can be gentle. (SHEstartsto closein.)
EDWARD. That•s not necessary.
GEORGIE. I didn•t think it was. So what's the
problem?
EDWARD. I'm just trying to get a grip on this. I
mean, not two days ago, you did tell me, and I quote,
"Even if you were the last fucking asshole on the planet,
Edward-"
GEORGIE. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What can I say? I came
to my senses.
EDWARD. Yes, well-

•
GEORGIE. You can be very persuasive .
EDWARD. I'm awareof that; still-
GEORGIE. You changing your mind about this?
EDWARD. No, that's not exactly-
GEORGIE. So what's the problem? (SHE's getting
close.)
EDWARD. There's no problem. I just-I want that tea.

(HE goes back to the kitchen.GEORGIElooksafter him,

.seriously
annoyed.)

GEORGIE. I swear, sex was never this complicated in

high school. (SHE looks at the floor. To floor.) You
getting all this?

(SHE glances back.at the kitchenfor a moment, then

.stompson the floor several times. EDWARDenters
witha mugof tea andwatchesher.)
I

SPIKEHEELS 57

BDWARD.Is somethingwrong?
GEORGIE.(Starts.)Oh.Youknow.Bugs.(SHEtakes
off hu shoe,crossesto thl trashcanandscrapesthl bug
off,puts thl shoebackon.)Gotyourlea there?Mmm,that
looksdelicio~.
EDWARD. Couldyouturndownthesarcasmforjust a
fewminutes,please?I mean,I wouldjust likea minute,a
tinyoasisof timethat is not smotheredin attitude.Just a
momentof normalconversation.If you don't mind. I
wouldliketo talk.
GEORGIE. We talkedat diMer.
EDWARD.No, we chattedat dinner.We had three
hoursof chat, and I'm feelinga liUledisoriented,and I
wouldliketo talk.
GEORGIE. Why?
EDWARD. What'sthe maUcr,don't youJcnowhowto
talk?
GEORGIE.Of course I know how to talk. I talk
constantly!I just don't wantto tallcnow!Christ,you'reas
badasAndrew!
EDWARD. Oh?Howso?
GEORGIE. (Pause.)I don'twantto talkaboutAndrew.
EDWARD. Whynot?
GEORGIE. Edward-
EDWARD. What?
GEORGIE. Youaredrivingmecrazy.
EDWARD. Whyare yougettingso defensive?
GEORGIE.rm not-I hatethis.
EDWARD.I just aslce.da simplequestion-
GEORGIE. Youdidnot,you-
EDWARD. Yes,I did-
58 SPIKEHEELS

GEORGIE.You're right, this talking is really fun. I'm

so glad we're talking. Okay. So fine. So what was the
question?
EDWARD. Actually, there was no question. The
subjectof Andrewcame up and you got all tense.
GEORGIE.Why don't you pick a subject.You want to
have a discussionhere?Then picka subjectand let's get on
with it all right?
EDWARD.All right (Pause.)Whatdo you and Andrew
talk about?
GEORGIE.(Pause.)We talk about many things.Books
and shit. America.You name it, we talk about it. Andrew
and I havea very conversationalrelationship.
EDWARD.Docs that botheryou?
GEORGIE.(Pause.)Whatis that supposedto mean?
EDWARD.Nothing. He· told me you had a crush on
him, so I just thought-
GEORGIE.We_!!, he was wrong.
EDWARD.Howdid you two meet,anyway?
GEORGIE. Edward, what is it, I mean am I on trial
~
EDWARD. .YQ.uhavesomethingto hide?
GEORGIE.NO, I-fuck. We met at the mailboxes.We
live in the same building,I mean,it's not unusual-
EDWARD.What, did he try to pick you up?
GEORGIE.I hardlythinkso.
EDWARD.You triedto pick him up.
GEORGIE.Is there a point to lhis? 'Cause I got to tell
you, you're kind of wreckingthe mood here; you're like
doing a demolitionjob on my hormones.
BOWARD. I just want lo know how you two met! He
never told me.
 SPIKE HEELS 59

GEORGIE. He gave me a book. We were standing by

the mailboxes, and he handed me this book and said, here, I
think you'll lilc:ethis. That was iL He gave me this book.
- EDWARD. He gave you a book?
GEORGIE. Yes.
EDWARD. You didn't think that was a pickup?
GEORGIE. No, I thought he was a Jehovah's Witness.
EDWARD. What?
GEORGIE. I thought he was a Jehovah's Witness! I
have this ongoing relationship with those guys; I'm like, a
sucker for the Jehovah's Witnesses. So when this guy gave
me a book I thought it was gonna be about the end of the
world or what God really thinks or something. I mean, I
got like the collected edition of those things-
EDWARD. You actually buy those?
GEORGIE. Yeah-well, yeah, I-I got a whole shelf of
them.

(SHE indicates. HE goes over lo look at her books. HE

picks one up and pages through it, amazed.)

GEORGIE. What? They just get to me, okay? I mean,

those fucking moonies, or Lhedianetics people, you can see
it in their eyes, their brains are fried; they'd just as soon
kill you as anything. But the Jehovah's Witnesses are
always so nerdy I believe them. What? It's not like I go to
their meetings or anything. I just talk to them. I like what
they say. Resurrection. Life everlasting. It just sounds
nice. I mean, I don't believe this shit at all, but I just-I
end up listening because it's so-I don't know. They're
always so kind. (Pause.) You can borrow that if you want.
It's okay. You might like it. Some of it's very hopeful.
 60 SPIKEHEELS

EDWARD.(Looksal hu and smiles.)Thank you.

GEORGIE.So that's why I talkedto Andrew.I thought
he was a Jehovah'sWitness.So. You want to do it or not?
EDWARD. (looks at htr, startled and suddenly
uncomfortableTM mood is seriouslybroun.) Excuseme?
GEORGIE.Oh, comeon, Edward.We bolh know why
you'rehete.
EDWARD. (Recovering.) Yes, I guess we do, now.
And I must say, I am stunnedby your subtlety.I mean--
nevermind.Never mind. I LhinkI will havethat drinkafter
all. The tea is not actually doing the trick. (HE picks the
scotch bottle off the bookshelf,crossesto the kitchen and
finds someice and glasses.)
GEORGIE.Oh, for God's sake.We're drinking now?
l Nowwe're drinking?Whyare we drinking?
EDWARD.We're drinkingbecauseI wantto drink!
GEORGIE.Are we going to havemore conversation,
too?
BDWARD. We will if I want to!
GEORGIB.Yeah, well, as long as we're taking a poll
here, I gotta say, rm not particularly interested in more
conversation,Edward!I mean iL If you think this is going
to g~ on all night or something, maybe you should just
le.ave.
EDWARD.You're not throwingme out. (HE reenters,
poursscotchinlo her glassandhandsit Jo Mr.)
GEORGIB.You sayone moreword, and I am.
EDWARD. No, you're not.
GEORGIE.Yes, I am.
EDWARD.Drink yourscotch.
GEORGIE.Fuck you.
EDWARD.Yr.ah,fuck you too.
 ,..

SPIKE HEELS 61

(THEYbumpglasses in a forced toast.THEYboth drink.)

GEORGIE. Now what? Should we have another?

Maybe we should go out to dinner again. No. I know. How
abouta game of cards?
EDWARD. You know, I have to say. you really-your
technique just leaves me breathless. Really.
GEORGIE. I gave you technique all night, Edward, and
it didn't get either of us anywhere. But the gig is up. I
don't know what's bugging you but it's time to get over
iL You want to do it or not? This is your last shot.
EDWARD. (Pause.)My last shot?
GEORGIE. Yeah. This is it. This is the offer. So
what's it going to be?
EDWARD. Well. Since you put it that way.

(HE sets his drink down and loo/csat her. HE does not
move.After a moment,SHE crossesslowly,eases into
him and almostlcisseshim. HE spe<J/cs.)

EDWARD. Thank you very much, but since you put it

that way, I'm afraid I'm going to have to decline your
generous offer.
GEORGIE. (Pause.)Suit yourself. (SHEcrossesaway
from him.furious, andpie/csup her drinlc.)
EDWARD. Please don't take this wrong. I just don't
like being used.
GEORGIE. Oh, cut me a break. You want it; I'm
saying here it is. Who cares about being used at a time like
this?
EDWARD. I do.
62 SPIKE HEELS

GEORGIE. Yeah, I guess you can dish it out but you

can't lake iL Well, fine. That's fine. But trust me on this
one: You just passed up the most int.erestingfuck of your
life.
EDWARD. That may be. But it also may be that I
prefer sleeping with one person at a time. Maybe I simply
want to preserve as one of the ground rules of lhe
increasingly neurotic relationship we seem to have
establishedbetween us that if I ever do take you to bed, it
will be on the conditionthat Andrewdocs not come along!
(HEpUlson hisjacket and startsto leave.)
GEORGIE.Andrew-fuck Andrew,I am tiredof talking
aboutAndrew!
EDWARD.What happened,he brokeyour heart so now
you're bitter?You poor thing.
GEORGIE.Oh, shut up--
EDWARD. And now you're going to seduce his best
friend to get back at him, is that it? Tll3t's the oldest trick
in the book!
GEORGIE.Yeah, it's so old you almost fell for iL
EDWARD.What do you thinkyou're doing?You think
this is going to prove something?All it proves is what I
suspecledfrom the start: You are nothingbut bad news.
GEORGIE.Look who's Ullking.
EDWARD.I am. And I know you. I know exactly who
you are.
GEORGIE.You don't know the first thing about me.
EDWARD. I know everything about you. I see you
every fuckingday down at the courthouse,hangingall over
yourjunkie boyfriend,screamingat your pimp!
GEORGIE.I don't know what you're talkingabout.
 SPIKE HEELS 63

EDWARD. (Overlap.) I know where you grew up. I

know your family. I know how your mother Jays around
the house all day because she can't hold down a job--
GEORG IE. This doesn't have anything to de with
anything-
EDWARD. I know how she drinks! I know how she
leeches money out of you! I know about all of it, the
arrests-
GEORGIE. STOP IT. (Pause.)So what? So you listen
in on my phone calls, so what is that supposed to prove?
EDWARD. I don't listen to your phone calls. I don't
have to. You're a dime a dozen, Georgie: you arc as
common as dirt.
GEORGIE. Yeah, I'm so common you've been trying
to screw me for four months.
EDWARD. You think that makes you something? That
doesn't make you anything. This is all-this is a fucking
game to guys like me: you're a piece of furniture, for
God's sake! I could go through three of you in a week!
GEORGIE. (Overlap.) Shut up. SHlIT UP.
EDWARD. Come to think of it, I will take you up on
that offer. Why the hell not?
OEOROIB. SHUT UP. You SHUT OP

(SHE takes a swing at him. EDWARDgrabs Mr arms;

THEYstrugglefor a second.)

EDWARD. Christ-Georgie, for God's sake--

GEORGIE. Shut UP! Why don't you ever SHlIT UP-
(SHEstops suddenly.)
EDWARD. Georgie--
GEORGIE. Oh, shit, I can't see anything. Edward-
,,,.

' (
64 SPIKEHEELS

EDWARD.Oh, Christ-Here, put yourheaddown-

you're oby-{HE stts kr on tht couchandtritstopul her
htaddown.)
GEORGIE.No, I need air-(Scartd.) I can't see,
&iwartl-
EDWARD.(Startingto panic.)You'reokay.You're
fine. Just shul your eyes for a second.Take a brealh.
Georgie?
GEORGIE. I can'tsec.

(SHEleansbackon thecouch.HEpUlshisarmaround
her.)

BOWARD.You'reokay.You'reokay.Areyouokay?
Comeon.Sweethcan.
Areyouokay?
GEORGIE.(SHEsuddenlyshoveshim away.)Don't
you touchme.

(HEbacksaway,startled.Pause.)

GEORGIE. Juststayawayfromme,okay?
EDWARD.Yeah.Yeah.I'm sorry.I'm sorry,okay?
I'm sorry.ChristWhatamI doing?

(HE sits. Pause.SHE watcheshim. HE finally loo/csat

hu.)

EDWARD.
Are youokay?
GEORGIE.
Yeah.
EDWARD.
I'm sorry.I don'tknowwhyI did thaL
GEORGIE.
Mcneither.
EDWARD.
Canyouseeme?
 SPIKE HEELS 65

GEORGIE.Yeah. I can see you. It just went funny,

you know? When you just see stars? Ctwent funny. I
couldn'tsec anything.It scaredme.
EDWARD. Me too.

(SHE sits up. HE starts/or htr, then stops.)

EDWARD. Comeon. Justlie therefor a second,would

you?
GEORGIE.I'm okay.
EDWARD. You'renotoJcay.You'redrunk.
GEORGIE.No, I'm noL I didn't drink hardly anything.
I just-I got-so mad at you. That never happened to me
before.I mean, I'm, like, mad all the time, but that never
happenr.dbefore.
EDWARD. You just never had me aroundto provoke
you. And that was nothing. Stick with me, baby. I'll really
piss you off.
GEORGIE.It's not funny.
EDWARD. I know.
GEORGIE.You were being a big jerk.
EDWARD.I know.I'm sorry.
GEORGIE.Whydid you do that?
EDWARD. (Starts to cross again, and stops himself
unc~rtainly.)Don't think about it for a minute.
GEORGIE.Man. I have to stop getting so mad all the
time.
EDWARD.You scaredme half lo death. Do you wanta
glass of water?
GEORGIE.What is this thing you have with liquids?
Andrew's the same way; something goes wrong and he just

I
66 SPIKEHEELS

dives for the liquids.I don't know,theyteachyou this in

college?Is thisa classthing?
EDWARD.I'll get youa glassof water.

(HE goes into the kitchen.GEORGIEcurls up on the

couch.HEreturnsa momentlalerwitha glassof water
anda washcloth. HEapproaches hercarefully,
thenfeeds
her the wattr as if she werea child.SHEresistsfor a
moment.)

EDWARD.Come on, sweclheart.Just drink it. It's

goodfor you.
GEORGIE. It's just water,Edward.
EDWARD.Wateris verygood foryou-there yougo.
Here.Comeon.

(SHEdrinks.HE taus theclolhandwipesherface.)

EDWARD. Is thatbetter?
GEORGIE. Ycah.
EDWARD. Good.
GEORGIE. Whyare youbeingso niceall of a sudden?
EDWARD.Look,I am a niceperson. (SHElaughs.)I
amtTen percentof thetime,I ama veryniceperson.(HE
pals herface with the clothagain,then.folds it neatly.)
Youokaynow?
GEORGIE. Yeah.Hey,Edward.
EDWARD. Yeah.
GEORGIE.What'sshelike?Lydia,I mean.
EDWARD. I'm not theperson10ask.I don't likeher.
GEORGIE.What, are you kidding?That makesyou
cxaclly thepersonto ask.
 SPIKEHEELS 67 -
IN~~-~
EDWARD. Lots of money,-"ancestors i41tiJc.VI,
~ parentson B~con HiU.Thatsortof thing.
GEORGIE.Yeah,yeah, yeah.Cut to the chase.What
docsshelooklike? . v (/"~
/4
v e, ✓~ ~
EDWARD.~ She'sprcuy,butr•and •
orderly.Quiet.I find her kind of sinister,to tell you the
truth-: ,
GEORGIE.YoumakehersoundlikeDracula.
EDWARD.Yes,she's verymuchlikeDracula.Always
meticulouslydressed. You know, neat little dresses.
Blouseswithbowsat thecollar.Protrudingbicuspids.(HE
I bareshis teeth.SHElaughs,thenstarlsto cry.) Hey,hey,
hey.
GEORGIE.Oh, perfecLHe's gonnamarryDracula;
that'sjust perfect.I'm sorry,I'mjust-
EDWARD.Hey.It's okay.
GEORGIE.It's notokay.Howcanhedo it?
EDWARD.Il's whathe thinkshe wants.
GEORGIE.Well,whyisn't it me?
EDWARD.I don't know.He'sstupid.
GEORGIE.Don't talk downto me, Edward;I don't
needyouto act likeI'm somesonof bigbabyhere-
EDWARD.I'm not!I meaniLHe's beingreallystupid.
GEORGIE.Yeah,right (Pause.SHEdrieshereyes.)
EDWARD.Look.I'm sorryI saidthosethings,okay?I
mean,thosethingsI saidbefae.
GEORGIE.No, it's okay.Someof it wastrue.
EDWARD.Still.
GEORGIE. Yeah.Hey,Edward.
EDWARD. Yeah?
GEORGIE.Canyou put your ann around me for a
second?
68 SPIKEHEELS

EDWARD. Georgie--
GEORGIE. Corne on. I wouldn't ask except you've
been nice for about two minutes or something and I'm
afraid if I wait any longer, you'll, like, tum into yourself
again.
EDWARD. You're not still doing this to get back at
him?
GEORGIE. For heaven's sake. It's just a hug.

(HE brushes her hair backfrom herface, and puts his arm
around her. SHE hangs onto him for a moment. then
pulls away a little. THEY sit,for a moment, with their
arms around each other. SHE put.r her head on his
shoulder.)

GEORGIE. This is nice.

(POUNDINGon the door. GEORGIEjumps then clings to

Edward/ora ucond.)

EDWARD. Well. I wonder who that is.

GEORGIE. Oh, God. I can't handle this anymore.
EDWARD. Chin up. You can't give up now,
sweelheart.

(The KNOCKINGbtcomes violent.)

GEORGIB.Edward-
EDW ARD. You're fine. If he gets out of line, just
throw a pencil at him.

(HE opens the door.LYDIA is there.)

I

SPIKEHEELS 69

EDWARD.Oh,no.
LYDIA. (Biting.) Hello,Edward.How lovely to see
you again. (SHE crossesinto tM apart~nt and glares at
Georgie.)
EDWARD.Lydia.Whata channingcoincidence.We
werejust talkingaboutyou.
LYDIA.That is charming.
EDWARD.Where'sAndrew?
LYDIA.Whocares?
EDWARD.Oh, I think severalof us, at least ... (HE
looksout in the hallwaybutAndrewis nowherein sighl.)
LYDIA.Howaboutyou?Doyoucare?
GEORGIE.Well,I don't-
LYDIA Oh, please.I have a little troublebelieving
that!
GEORGIE.Listen.I don't knowwhoyou are or what
you thinkyou're doinghere,but-
LYDIA.Oh, I thinkyouknowwhoI am.
GEORGIE.Well,of courseI knowwhoyou are!What
arcyoudoinghere?
LYDIA.No.Whatareyoudoinghere?
GEORGIE.I livehere!
LYDIA.YouknowwhatI mean!
EDWARD.Excuseme,butwhere'sAndrew?
LYDIA. Oh, where do you think he is? He's
downstairs,shroudedin theshatteredwreckageof hisbook,
our marriageandmylife.
EDWARD.Oh,Christ.(HE exits.)
GEORGIE.Edward,heyl Hey, whereare you going?
Don'1 leaveme herewithher!Edward!
70 SPIKE HEELS

(But he is gone. GEORGIE turns and loo/cs al LYDIA,

who is very steely indeed.)
GEORGIE. Look. It's been great meeting you, but you
know, I am having one ripper of a day, you know, so--
LYDIA. Don't talk to me about bad days.
GEORGIE.Listen-
LYDIA. No. No. You listen. (SHE puts down her purse
ckcisively, crosses to the door and shuis ii.)
GEORGIE.HEY-
L YDIA. I don't know you. You and I have never met.
And you are wreakinghavoc on my life.

(LYDIA crosses back to her purse, reaches in and pulls oUJ

Georgie's jacket, blouse, slip, skirt, pantyhose and
shoes from the previous day. SHE/olds these items and
stacks them neatly as she speaks. GEORGIE watches,
amazed.)

LYDIA. At first, I admired Andrew's interest in your

welfare. He cares about people; he truly cares and I think
that's wonderful.But these past few months,I must admit,
I have become less interestedin his inacrest.Not only do I
listen to him talk about you incessantly. any time I come
over to have dinner or spend the night here, I am
bombarded by you. When you come home at night, we
hear your little heels clicking on the ceiling. When you
leave in the morning,we hear your Huieheels. When you
go to bed we hear you brush your teeth, and talk on the
phone, and listen to the radio and on certain eveningsI
could swear that we can even hear you undress.I am not
enjoying this. For the past two months,l have been under
 SPIKEHEELS 71

the distinct impressionthat any time I spend the night

here,I am actuallysleepingwithtwopeople-Andrew,and
yourself. In fact, when you came home with Edward
tonightmy first thoughtwas,my God,the bed is already
crowdedenough;nowwehaveto fit Edwardin too?Now.I
don't knowwhatwenton betweenyouandAndrew.
GEORGIE.Nothing.Nothingat all.
LYDIA.Excuse me, but that clearlyis not the case.
AndI wantyou out of mylife!Is thatunderstood?
GEORGIE.WhereamI supposedto go?
LYDIA.I don•t care!I'll findyoua beuerapartment!It
willbe my pleasure!

(THEYglare at eacholhtrfor a moment.)

GEORGIE.Listen,I am reallysorrybut I am just not

up to this right now, okay?I mean,if I get madone more
time tonightI mightjust die fromit. So, canwe chill out
for a minute?You wanta cupof tea or something?
LYDIA.Do you have anythingstronger?Scotch? Is
thatscotch?
GEORGIE.Yes. It is.
LYDIA.I'll havescotch.
GEORGIE.Fine.(SHEexitsto thekitchenand reenters
a second la1erwith a glass.SHE pours Lydia a shot of
scotch.) Here. You knock that back, you'll feel much
better.
LYDIA.Thankyou.(SHEdriflks a11dstudiesGeorgie.)
That's aninterestingoutfityouhaveon.
GEORGIE.Excuse me?
LYDIA. I guess men reallydo like that sort of thing,
don't lhey7You'd liketo thinksomeof them,at leastone,
II

72 SPIKEHEELS

or two, are aboveit. but thatjust doesn'tseemto be the

case.All of them,they'relikePavlov'sdogs;youprovide
the right stimulusand the next thing you know,they're
salivatingall overyou.Don'tthoseshoeshurt?
GEORGIE.Yeah,as a matterof fact,theykindof do.
LYDIA.ButI guessyoudon't wearthemfor comfort,
do you?Youwearthemfor otherreasons.Youwearthem
becausetheymakeyourlegslookamazing.(SHEputs the
secondpair of heelson and wal/cJaroundthe roomfor a
momtntandpicksup a largebookundtr the table.)AndI
see you'realsostudyinglaw.
GEORGIE.(Crosstsand takesthe book.fromher.)No,
I am not "studyinglaw:· I stole that from the libraryat
work so I could figureout what the fuck was going on
downthere.
LYDIA.Really.Howremarkable.
GEORGIE. Look-
LYDIA,CouldI haveanother?
GEORGIE. Another?
LYDIA.Please.

(GEORGIEtaus Lydia'sglassfrom her andpoursscotch

into it, looks at her, and then continuesto pour an
enormousamountof scotchinto the glass.SHE gives
it back to her. LYDIAlook.sat it, and knocksback a
soliddrink.GEORGIE stares.)

LYDIA.God,I wishI stillsmoked.

GEORGIE.YouusedIOsmoke?
LYDIA.Twopacksa day.It Wa.9disgusting.
GEORGIE. Youknow-you're verydifferentfromwhat
I thought.It's weird,meetingyou.It's just-weird.
 SPIKE HEELS 73

LYDIA. Oh, really? Well, what did you think I'd be

like?
GEORGIE. I don't know. I mean, you're Yery-
forceful. I guess I thought you would be kind of fonnal and
polile. Maybe like Dracula, or something.
' LYDIA. Oh. Edward told you that; that's where you got
that He is so awful. Ever since I dumped him he's been
telling everybody I'm some kind of vampire. He thinks it's
witty.
GEORGIE. Wait a minute. You went out with him,
too?
LYDIA. Didn't you know that?
GEORGIE. Man, what do those two do, trade off
girlfriends once a year or something?
LYDIA. It's certainly starting to look that way.
GEORGIE. Wait a minute, that's not whatI-
LYDIA. (Overlap.) Really, there's no need to explain.
In fact, I would prefer not to know the details.
GEORGIE. I'm just trying to tell you-
LYDIA. And I'm trying to tell you: What I've had with
boch of them is substantially more real than whatever this
is, and I don't want to know about it All right? I just want
it to stop. All right?
GEORGIE. Right
LYDIA. As long as we Wlderstand each other.
GEORGIE. Oh, I understand you all right This part. I
think I got down solid
LYDIA. Good.
GEORGIE. (Finally angry.) But what I don't have,you
know-what I want to know is-if you're so fucking real,
Lydia, then what the hell arc you doing here'?I mean, if
you're so much betterlhan me, thenwhy evenbother? You
74 SPIKEHEELS

could just wait it out and ru drift away like a piece of

paper, like nothing, right? 'Cause thaCs what I am.
Nothing.Right? So why the fuck are you up here, taking
meapart?
LYDIA.I don't thinkI haveIDjustifymyselfto you.
GEORGIE.Oh,yeah?Well,I thinkyoudo. All of you.
What an amazingfuckingsnowjob youall are doingon
the world. And I boughtitf We all buy il My family-
they're like, all of a sudden I'm Mary Tyler Moore or
something.I mean,lheylive in hell,right,and theyspend
lheir wholelivesjust wishingthey weresomewhereelse,
wishing they were rich, or sober, or clean: living on a
street with trees,beingon somefuckingTV show.And I
did iL I movedto Boston,I workin a law office,I'm the
big successstory.Andtheyhaveno ideawhatthat means.
It means I get ID hang out with a bunch of lunatics.It
means I get to read books thal make no sense. (SHE
pushts the lawbookoff tht table.)It meansthat insteadof
getting harassed by jerks at the local bar, now I get
harassedby guys in suits. Guyswith glasses.Guys who
talk nice. Guys in suits. Well,you knowwhat I have to
say to all of you? Shame on you. Shame on you for
thinkingyou're beucr than the rest of us. And shameon
you for beingmeanlo me.Shameon you,Lydia.
LYDIA.(Pause.)I'm sorry.
GEORGIE.I thinkyou'd bettergo.
LYDIA.Yes.Of course.(Pause.)I am sorry.I just-
Andrewpostponedour weddingtonight,and I'm a little-- ,.
my life is in a bit of a shambles,tonight,and I know
that's no excuse,but I'm just not myself.Please.Forgive
me.(SHEgoeslo thedoor.)
GEORGIE.Oh,Ood.Waita minute.
 SPIKEHEELS 15

LYDIA. No. You're right I've been behaving very

badly. You're right. I'm sorry. (SHE turns and opens the
door.)
GEORGIE. No, I'm the one. Come on, I'm being a
jerk. He postponed the wedding? Fuck me. I'm sorry, you
said that before and it went right by me. I'm sorry. I got a
bad temper, and-whatever. Just sit down, okay?

(GEORGIE brings her back into tM room. LYDIA pulls

away.)

LYDIA.Really,I think I'd best go. Please. Please don 'l

be nice to me. I don't want to be friends whh you.
GEORGIE. Yeah, I don't want to be friends with you
either. I'm just saying. I didn't mean to, like, yell at you. I
think you better finish your drink.

(SHE hands Mr scotch to her. LYDIA looks al il for a

moment then sits and drinks.)

GEORGIE. He's probablyjusLnervous.Weddings make

boys nervous.
L YDJA. I think it's worse than that. He-we haven't
had sex in quite a while.
GEORGIE. You mean none of us are getting laid? No
wonder we're all so uptight.
LYDIA.Youmeanyouand Edwarddidn't-
GEORGIE. No.
LYDIA.No?
GEORGIE. No. I swear to God, I worked on him for
four hours and I couldn't get him near lhe bedroom.
LYDIA. Edward? You couldn't-Edward?
 76 SPIKEHEELS

GEORGIE.Youdidn't havethatproblem,huh?
LYDIA.As a mauerof fact-never mind.
GEORGIE.He wantedil
LYDIA. Yes, dear, he alwayswants it. Well. If he
wouldn'tsleep withyou,I thinkyou must'vereallymade
an impressionon him.

(THEYlaugha liJtlt.)

LYDIA.And I know you've made an impressionon

Andrew.
GEORGIE.(Awkward.)Oh.I don'tknow.
LYDIA.Pl~. Couldwenot-? (Pause.)I'd prefernot
to pretend.I'd alsoprefernot to talk to you aboutit, but I
just don't knowwhoelse to talkto.
GEORGIE. Hey-
LYDIA.I'm not crying!It's just, I can't talk to my
family about this; they'll simplygloaLThey never liked
Andrew.He wasn't "good"enough.Is that unbelievable?
He's thebest manI've evermet,andhe's notgoodenough
for them. He doesn't make enough money. And they
cutainly don't like his politics.Edwardwas the one they
liked. Well.You can imagine.Youknow whatmy father
told me,whenAndrewandI decidedto getmarried?Never
trust a man who thinks he can changethe world.That's
what he said! I don't care, really,I don't-but how can I
tell themthis?I alwaystoldhim,he didn't understand,just
didn't understand.Andrewsavedme.He is mybestself;he
makes me my best seJf. How can I tell them they were
right?
GEORGIE.They'renot.
 -

SPIKEHEELS 77

LYDIA.No, I know.They're noLI know.It's just-

I'm confused.
GEORGIE. Yeah. Me too. (Paust.) You want to
dance?(SHEcrossesto the boomboxandputs in a tape.
Rornant;cMUSICcomesup.)
LYDIA.Excuseme?
GEORGIE.Comeon. Dancewithme.
LYDIA.What?
GEORGIE.It'll makeyoufeel better.I'U lead and you
canjust clan~
LYDIA.Oh, no--
GEORGIE.Come on. Let me do this-{SHE unties
Lydia's bowandtakesherinherarms.)
LYDIA.I don't-aw, no--Idon'tdance-
GEORGIE.No, it's not silly. It's just nice. Haven't
you everdancedwitha girlbefore?It's nice.Comeon.

(GEORGIEtakesherby thearmsandTHEYbeginto slow

dana.)

GEORGIE.I love to dance. It's so fuckingromantic.

Youknow?It alwaysmakesme wantto havesex.Menare
so dumb, they're so busy trying to get you in bed they
can't even figure thatouLI mean-I'm not makinga pass
at you.
LYDIA.I understand.

(GEORGIEnods, and THEY~gin to danct morefreely,

GEORGIEleadingand coaxingLydiainto the moves.
As THEY turn through the room their movements
becomelooser,morehilariouslyerotic.THEYlaugh/or
a moment,andendup slowdancing.Suddtnly,thereare
 ..

78 SPIKEHEELS

soundof a loud STRUGGLEand POUNDINGon the

door.)

EDWARD.{Off.)Georgie!OpenlhedoorfGeorgie!
GEORGIE.Oh,whatnow?
ANDREW.(OJI.)LETGO OFMEI
LYDIA. Oh, no-

(Both WOMENstartfor the door, thenslop and stare al

eachother.)

GEORGIE. You know, we probably-probably we

shouldjust leavethemout there.

(The STRUGGLEat the doorsoundsevenmoreviolent.)

EDWARD.(Off.) GEORGIE.
OPENTHEGODDAMN
DOOR!

(SHE goes to tht door. LYDIA turns off the MUSIC.

EDWARDburstsin, dragging Andrewby the collarand
sleeve.HE throwshim into the room.THEY all stare
al eachother.)

EDWARD.Hi, girls.How'sit going?

GEORGIE. Edward,whatareyoudoing?
EDWARD.I'm tryinglO keepusall outof court.Now,
I minkit's abouttimewe talkedthisout Andrew?
ANDREW What?
EDWARD.Starttalking.
GEORGIE.Actually,I think that now is not a good
time,F.dward.
 SPIKEHEELS 79

EDWARD.Georgie,I amnot goingto let him do this

to youanymore.
ANDREW.Let me, excuseme, let me? Who put you
in chargehere? •
EDWARD.Just talkto her,Andrew.
GEORGIE.I meanit, youguys.LydiaandI weredoing
just fine hero-
LYDIA.It's all right.Georgie--
ANDREW.No, it's not all right! I resent this! Who
doeshe thinkheis, shovingeverybodyaroood?
EDWARD.I'm tryingto help!
ANDREW.Help?Youthreatenedto rapeher, andnow
you thinkyoucan-
EDWARD.Waita minute-
LYDIA.Hewhat?
ANDREW.Hethreatened to rapeher--
GEORGIE.Youguys.
EDWARD.Thatis not exactlywhat-
LYDIA.Edward,forGod'ssalco--
EDWARD.Wewerehavinga fight!
LYDlA.Oh,but really-
EDWARD.COULDWE NOT GO BACKTO THIS?
l'M ALREADYPASTTHISPOINT.(Pause.)Comeon,
Andrew.Dealwiththiswoman.
ANDREW.Excuseme, but I don't needyou to tell me
whatI haveto do here-
EDWARD.Look,I'm on yourside-
ANDREW.Youare noton my-
EDWARD.Don'tfightme,Andrew-
ANDREW.I willfightyouif I want!(HE shoveshim.)
EDWARD.Don'tyoufuckingshoveme-
80 SPIKE HEELS

(HE shoves him back. GEORGIE immediately leaps in

between them.)

LYDIA. ANDREW.
GEORGIE. EDWARD. (SHE stands in betwttn them
for a momentas THEYglart al tach othu.) I will not have
this! (SHE shoves them both awayfrom each other.) You
are both driving me crazy.

(SHE storms into the kitchen. The OTHERTHREE stare

at each other. GEORGIEreentersa momentlaterwith a
six pack of diet Pepsi which SHE passes around
silently.)

EDWARD. What am I suppascd to do with this?

GEORGIE.You're supposed to drink it, Edward. We aie
all going IOjust have a drink and calm down for a minute,
okay? Drink it!

(EVERYONEpops theirsoda-and drinks.Pause.)

GEORGIE.Okay. So---rould we not fight anymore? I

mean, could we just like, finish our sodas and go to bed
now?
EDWARD. Actually, going to bed may just be the
most complicated action we could contemplate at this
moment in time.
ANDREW. Georgie, can I lalk to you alone? Would
two you mind if I talked IOher alone for a second?
LYDIA.I'd mind.
EDWARD. Ye.,, I think I'd mind too.
ANDREW Oh, come on-
 SPIKE HEELS 81

GEORGIE. Edward. I thought you wanted to help.

EDWARD. I do want to help, but I'm also a little mad
right now, and besideswhich we all know what he's going
to sayanyway.Don•twe?
LYDIA. I think we do.
EDWARD. So I think: he should just say it. This
involves all of us. S~just say it, Andrew.
ANDREW. Forget it
EDWARD. No, come on. Say it
GEORGIE. You guys-
EDWARD. You want to say iL Sayit!
ANDREW. I don't want to say it.
EDWARD. Say it!
GEORGIE. Edward!
4J') LYDIA. Please, Andrew. Just say it. (Pause.ANDREW
looks at her.) Please. It's not like I don't already know.
ANDREW. Fine. Fine. (To Georgie.)You were right. I
think I probably-my feelings for you are stronger-All
right. I am in love with you. All right?
GEORGIE. All right.

LYDIA. Well, that is just great. (SHE throws her drink

at him.)
ANDREW. Lydia-
LYDIA. I can't believe you said that! In front of me!
ANDREW. You aoldme tol
LYDIA. You're in love with her?
ANDREW. You said you knew!
LYDIA. You mean it, don't you? You're in love with
herl
 I

I
82 SPIKEHEELS

ANDREW. Well,of courseI meanit. Whatelsewould

I mean?
LYDIA.You could mean anything!I thought you
meant-I don'tknowwhatI thoughtyoumeanti Youjerk!
You're in lovewithher! I mean,I can see sleepingwith
her,but fallingin lovewithhell
GEORGIE. Watchit.Lydia.
LYDIA.rm sorry-
ANDREW. I neversleptwithher-
LYDIA.Oh,please-
EDWARD. Hedidn't!
ANDREW. I didn't!
LYDIA.Well,you should've;it might've-you're in
lovewithher?
ANDREW.Yes. (Pause.) I thinkwe'd bettercall the
weddingoffaltogether.
LYDIA.Yes, that wouldseem to be the next step,
wouldn't it? You're in love with anotherwoman;that
couldpotentially interferewithourweddingplans.
ANDREW. Lydia,it's notyou.
LYDIA.Thatmuchis clear,Andrew,I thinkI'm preuy
straighton thatpoint.
ANDREW.That's not what I-it's just me, okay?
Thingshavenot been-great withus for a longtime,and
I'm just saying,it's not enough,you're not-{HE stops
himself.)
LYDIA.Go on. I'm not enoughwhat?rm not wild
enough?I'm notsexyenough?I'm notpassionate,I'm not
needy,I'm not-I amjustwhatI've alwaysbeen,Andrew.
Whatis suddenlynotenough?
ANDREW. Wecan't talkaboutthishere-
 SPIKE HEELS 83

LYDIA. What kind of a life do you thinkyou can have

with her? We have a life together,we have-Georgie, I'm
sorry, I don't mean this to be as insultingas it sounds,but
honestly. Do you chinklhis is going to work out? Andrew.
Do you honestly think that?
ANDREW. I don't think anything. rm just not going
to lie about it anymore. (Pause.) rm sorry.
LYDIA. It doesn't matter. I can learn not to love you.
You learned not to love me, I can--<:ouldyou take your
gl~ off, please? Just take them off.

(HE takes them off and looks at her.)

LYDIA. There. You see? When you take lhemoff, you

look like a stranger, you look-I alwaysthink that when I
see you in the morning. You look like a strangerwithout
your glasses. Except you don't, really,I don't-
ANDREW.Lydia-
LYDIA. Could you please be quiet,please? (Pause.)It
isn't working.Put your glasse.,on.

(HE pULshis glasses on. Pause. LYDIA turnsto Georgie.)

LYDIA. Well, Georgie, he's all yours. If you want

him, you can have him.
GEORGIE. Thanks. Yeah, thanks a lot, Lydia. And
Edward, thank you. Thank you for helpingus clear all this
up. We all feel much better now. And Andrew,thankyou
for picking me up out of the guuer and teachingme how to
talk and how to behave and how to reacLIt was reallygreat
of you. I'm just, so glad I've met youall. I'm reallyjust-
this is working out just great.
 84 SPIKE HEELS

(SHE walks out IM door, slamming it behind them. THEY

all stare az tM cloud door.)

LYDIA. She's right (SHE goes to tM door, opens it,

leaves. TM MEN scare at the closed door.)
EDWARD. Oh, great. They're teaming up. Now we're
really in for iL

(ANDREW looks at him.)

/
L
J �

BLACKOUT I

•
/

Scene 2

'The next morning. TM UGHTS come up on Georgie's

apartment, in much the same condition as the night
before, aceptfor the/act that EDWARD i.r spra.wltd on
the couch, sleeping, and ANDREW is sprawled on the
floor, tangled in blanlcets and a pillow. HE turns and
gets himself even more tangled up. HE has not had an
easy nigh/. HE .sits up, frustrattd, untangles himself
from the blanuts, and looks at EDWARD, who is
sleeping soundly. ANDREW looks at his watch, looks
at Edward, picks up his pillow, ctosst.r to Edword, Oltd
hits him with it. EDWARD jolts 4wakt.

EDWARD. What? What?

ANDREW. Get up.
EDWARD. Why? What time is it?

•
 SPIKE HEELS 85

ANDREW. It's after ten.

EDWARD. Did she come back?
ANDREW.No.
EDWARD. Man. This couch is really comfortable.
ANDREW. Oh, shut up.
EDWARD. Hey, I didn't tell you to sleep on the floor.
You could have gone downstairs and slept in your own bed.
ANDREW. Excuse me, but since you wouldn't leave..--
EDWARD. You could've slept in her bed.
ANDREW. I didn't want to sleep in her bed. It would
have been ...
EDWARD. Disappointing,under the circumswiccs?
ANDREW. Shut up.
EDWARD. You think she's got anything to eat around
here?

(HE stands and crosses to the Jcitchen.ANDREW watches

him. somewhat amazed.)

ANDREW. How can you think about food at a time

like this?
EDWARD. (Off.) It's ten o'clock in the morning. It's a
great time to think about food.
ANDREW. Don't you have someplace to go?
Something to do? A judge to bribe? Some drug kingpin to
get off on a technicality?
EDWARD. (Reentering.) Hey. Could you let me eat
something before we get into this? Besides, it's Saturday.
Courts are closed. (HE carries with him a box of cereal,
which HE pours into a bowl and starts lo ~a, without
milk.)
86 SPIKE HEELS

ANDREW. That is just-what-how can you eat that

without milk?
EDWARD. She doesn't have any milk. I mean, she has
some, but it's alive, You don't want to pour it over your
cereal.

(HE handsAndrewa bowl and a spoon.ANDREWwatches

Edwardeal.)

ANDREW. Why areyou still here?

EDWARD. I don't know. Why are you still here?
ANDREW. I'm still here because you wouldn'&leave.
EDWARD. Well, rm still here because you wouldn't
leave.
ANDREW. That makes no sense.
EDWARD. You seemed to think it made sense when
you said it.
ANDREW.Edward-
EDWARD. What?
ANDREW. Just leave. This has nolhing to do with you
anymore. You've done enough damage.Leave.
EDWARD.I've done enough damage?
ANDREW. LEA VEI WOULD YOU JUST GET our
OF HERE?
EDWARD. rm not even going to even respond to that
You know why? Because rm getting a little tired of
verbally beating lhe living daylights out of you.
ANDREW. Oh, is that what you've been doing?
EDWARD. As a matter of fact, it is. You and I fight.
Andrew. This is the basis of our friendship. We fight, I
win, and you lose. And it's getting old.
ANDREW. I lose?
 SPIKEHEELS 87

EDWARD.That's right, buddy.So just eat your cereal

andkeepyourmouthshut,because-
ANDREW.Lydia.
EDWARD.Excuseme?
ANDREW.I didn't losethen.
EDWARD.Thathad nothingto do wilhyou. I mean, I
admit that Lydia dumpedme, but by then we were both
sick of each other.That wasn't ...
ANDREW.Wasn't it?
EDWARD,You didn't start seeing her until months
aftershe and I ...

(HE slops himself.Loo/csat ANDREW who looks back,

tkliherale.Pause.)

ANDREW.Lydiadido't wantto hurt yourfeelings.

EDWARD.At the time,Lydiadelightedin hurtingmy
feelings.I don't believe you. If you were sleeping with
Lydia while she and I were still together,I would have
known.
ANDREW.Areyousureaboutlhat?
EDWARD.Youweresleepingwilhher?
ANDREW.Yes.
EDWARD.You fucking creep. Don't you have any
principlesat all?
ANDREW.Did you actually say lhat7 Mr. I Could
RapeYouIf I Wanled-
EDWARD. Don't change lhe subject! You were
sleepingwith mygirlfriend!Christ,you're no better than I
aml
ANDREW.It wasyourownfault!
88 SPIKEHEFLS

EDWARD.You were sleepingwith my girlfriendat the

time she dumped me! I think most people would agree I
was theone gettingscrewed!
ANDREW.Don't play the victim. No one is going to
believeyou.
EDWARD.Yeah, well, don't you play the good guy.
That's getting a liUle hard to swallow, too.
ANDREW.You didn't wantheranywayI
EDWARD.That's not the point!You were supposedto
be my friend!Well, fuck you. Just fuck you. I don't owe
you shiLI'm gettingout of here.
ANDREW. ThankGod!
EDWARD. (Loo/csfor his jacket, starts to put it on.)
You know,just for the record,I did all of this for you.
ANDREW. What?
EDWARD.Yeah, that's right As you'll recall, when
you asked me to give Georgie a job, all l knew was she
was some wild thingwithno experienceat all. Didn't even
know how to type. But I gave her a job becauseyou asked
me to. And then,okay,after that, I wasn't exactlygreat for
a while,but-
ANDREW.Wasn't exactlygrcaLExcuseme, wasn't-
EDWARD.But at leastI figuredout what wasgoing on
and tried to stop it! I mean,I realizedwhatan assholeI was
being and I, I, I decidedto changeand try to make up for
everything.So-
ANDREW.Oh, plcuel
EDWARD.I got you up here! I got you to admit how
you felt about her! I mean,at least I got you t_ostop lying
to everybody.And maybeit didn't feelso great.but at least
now you have a chance at a real life instead of some-
whatever-wilh Lydia. So don't go whining to me about
...

SPIKEHEELS 89

whata big bad wolfI am. If it wasn't for me you wouldn't

have anythingright now.
ANDREW.I don't haveanythingright now!
BDWARD.Oh, that is completehorse.1hitI mean, get
a fuckinggrip,wouldyou?Georgieadoresyou. You adore
her. And all you can do is moan and gnash your teeth! I
mean,I realizethat relationsbetweenthe sexesare confused
nowadays,but they're not that confused.When she gets
back here, you shouldjust take her in your arms and take
herto bed.
ANDREW. Well, thank you for your advice, Mr.
Sensitivity.Take her in your arms and fuck her. That's
verydelicateandperceptiveof you.
EDWARD.Oh, for-Do you wanther or not, Andrew?
Becauseif yotidon't, I'll takeher, and this time,you won't
geta secondchancel
ANDREW.Forget it! I'm not givingher to you again!

(THEYstareal eachother .)

BOWARD.I can't believeyou said thaL

ANDREW.You said it, too.
BOWARD.Jesus.We reallyare a coupleof assholes.

(THEYsit for a moment,thinlcingabout what assholes

they havebeen.)

ANDREW.I don't know what's the matter with me. I

don't know whoI am anymore.
EDWARD.(Pause.) You weresleepingwith Lydia?
90 SPIKE HEELS

ANDREW.Just once. We both felt so guilty about it

she had to break up with you before we could do it again.
She wasgoing to end it anyway.
EDWARD.I know. That was my fault I completely
fuckedup everythingwith her. (Pause.) Don't tell her I said
that
ANDREW. Edward, she's probably never going lo
speak lO me again.
EDWARD.Oh, right.
ANDREW.What arewe going to do?
EDWARD. I don't know. But I have this terrible
feelingthat we're not entirely in control of this situation.
ANDREW.We neverwere.
EDWARD.Oh, sure we were. I mean, rememberwhen
we couldjust blame everythingon women?Not a specific
woman. Just, women in general. The whole idea of
women.
ANDREW.Women.
EDWARD.It was so nice. Just blaming everythingon
them.We didn't have to think about anything. We didn't
have to fight amongst ourselves, unless we wanted to.
Becauseit wasn't our fault. It was women.Fuck 'em.
ANDREW. Fuck 'em.
ANDREWand EDWARD.FUCKWOMEN.

(]'HEY laugh at themselves.)

GEORGIE.(At door.) Well, that is lovely.

(The MEN stand quickly. GEORGIE enters, carrying

clo1hes,a bag of groceries and a book. SHE wears bl~
jeans,a sweaterand her heels.)

,.
 SPIKEHEELS 91

ANDREW.
Georgie.
EDWARD. Georgie!
GEORGIE.I can't believeiL Are you guysgoinglO
torturemefor therestof mylife?
ANDREW. Wewerejust-
OEORGIE. I mean,whatthe fuckareyou doinghere?
What the fuck is this? Well, fine. That's just fine. You
think my wholelife is your fuckingpropenyanyway.I
guess it.'s no surprise to find you taking over my
apartment(SHEcrossestowardthekitch.tn,angry.)
ANDREW. That'snotwhatwe weretryingto do.
EDWARD. We wereworriedaboutyou..
GEORGIE. Right Youguysprobablyspent the whole
nightdecidingwhichoneof yougets me.
ANDREW andEDWARO.Nol No,no. no,comeon ...
GEORGIE. Youbothare hopeless.(SHEdumpsthings
on thetable.)
ANDREW. Wherehaveyou been?
GEORGIE. I wasat Lydia's.
EDWARD. I wasafraidof that
GEORGIE. Yeah,wehada greattime.We listenedto
records.Smokedcigarettes.Had conversation. Youknow,
she talked,I listened.I talked,she listened.Verydifferent
fromwhatthethreeof us havebeendoing,I gouasay.
EDWARD. Aw, comeon, Georgie, would you stop
beingsucha pain in the ass?We're tryingto be sensitive,
we reallyare,andyou'rejust-
GEORGIE.Oh, nowyou're sensitiveand I'm the pain
in theass. I lovethat-
92 SPIKEHEELS

ANDREW. All right! Could wejust not-do that,right

away?I mean,could wejust try to be civilizedfor-I don't
know. Five minutes,maybe?
GEORGIE.Fine. The clock is ticking. Here, have a
muffin.I'm goinglO makesometea.

(SHE hands a pacut of muffinsIO Edwardand g~s to the

kitchen. EDWARD concentrates on opening them.
ANDREW whacks him.)

EDWARD.What?
ANDREW.Go.
EDWARD.Now?I want to find out what happens!

(ANDREWstaresat him.)

EDWARD.Okay! I'll be in the bathroom.

(And HE goes, takingthe ,rwjfins. GEORGIEreentersand

loou around.)

GEORGIE.Where'sEdward?
ANDREW.He had to go to the, uh, the bathroom.
GEORGIE.Sly, Andrew.Very sly.

(SHE taus moregroceriesout of the bag.ANDREWpicks

a book off the table. As HE speaks to her, SHE
continues to move around the apartment, unpacking
groceries,going to the kitchen,cleaning.)

ANDREW.What's this?
 SPIKEHEELS 93

GEORGIE.Prule and Prejudice. Lydia lent it to me.

She says it's abouta bunchof girls and their boyfriends.I
thoughtit soundedgood.
ANDREW.So. YouandLydia got along.
GEORGIE.You always told me I'd lilce her. I mean, I
doubt we 're going to be best friendsor anything, but you
know. The three of us, we should all have dinner
sometime.
ANDREW.I don't thinkthat's going to be possible.
GEORGIE.Well, it's up to you.
ANDREW.That's not-Georgie, could you stop-
couldyou standstill, for a minute? Please.

(HE talces
her by tht armandholds ontoherfor a moment.
THEY /oo/c at each other. SHE loolc.saway. Careful,
HE leans in to kiss~,. SHE pulls away.)

GEORGIE.I don't thinkyou shoulddo that

ANDREW.rm sorry. Yesterday,you seemed to want
meto do that.
GEORGIE.Yeah, well,thingsweredifferent yesterday.
I was kind of fucked up. I mean,yesterday,I was actually
going to screw someone I didn't much like just to prove
somesort of stupidpointthat I can't even remember what
il was. It's the kind of shit I used to do all the time. You
know?I'm justluckyEdwardisn't quiteas bad as I thought
he was. Neitheris Lydia. She's a very forgiving person.
Youshouldcallher, right now. I bet she'd be really glad to
talk to you.
ANDREW.Whatare you doing?
GEORGIE.I'm telling you. I think you better call
Lydia.
94 SPIKE HEELS

(ANDREWandGEORGIEstart at eachother.)

ANDREW. You're changing your mind? (Pause.)

You're going to do the decent thing and send me back to
Lydia, the wronged woman who you've come to respect,
even care for-
GEORGIE. rm not doing this for anybody but myself.
I just can't take it anymore, Andrew. Between you and
Edward, it's like, you both want-it's always about what
you guys want. And I'm just like some thing just spinning
in the middle of it all. I can't even think, you know?
ANDREW. If you're saying you're confused, that's
fme. I'm confused, too. We'll work it out.
GEORGIE. I don't want to work it out. I mean, I'm
confused, but I do know I don't want to be this person you
keep trying to malceme. I mean, all these things about me
that really bug you, they aren't going anywhere. Let's just
walk away from it, huh?
ANDREW. I finally decided to confront it! I can't walk
away now!
GEORGIE. Look, I'm never going to be good enough
for you.
ANDREW. You arc good enough!
GEORGIE. There's always going to be something
you're trying to fix-
ANDREW. I wasn't trying to fix you! All I ever wanted
was to help you see what is here! What your life can be.
You needed to change; you said so yourselft And you did
change. Because of me. What did I do that w~ so terrible?
GEORGIE. Well, you did a lot of things that were
terrible. And a lot of things that weren't And I did, too;
~w • .......,,., ., - •<>XCtw1w:m:a.uLNm.J:; .,

SPIKEHEELS 95

I'm not saying I'm perfect.A lot of the time,I'm just a

fuckingmess. Mostly,I'm a fuckingmessaroundyou. I
mean,whenI'm withyou,I'm alwaysthinkingabouthow
to please you. Howto makeyou happy.Andthen I hate
myselfwhenI don'L I needmylifeback.
ANDREW.I loveyou.
GEORGIE.(Pause.)Youre.allyshouldcallLydia.

(Pause.)

ANDREW.CanI sayonemorething?
GEORGIE.What?
ANDREW.I like yourshoes.
GEORGIE. What?
ANDREW.I like yourshoes.Aclually,I alwayskind
of likedthem.Theylookgoodon you.Youhavenicelegs.
GEORGIE.Look.I'm sorry,okay?
ANDREW.Me too.
GEORGIE.Youdidhelpme.
ANDREW.I know.(IIEexits.)
GEORGIE.Oh.fuck.(SHEtaus Mr shoesoff, throws
t~m down.sits andholdsherheadin ht.rhands.)

(Pause.)

BOWARD.(Of/.)CanI comeoutnow?
GEORGIE.(Pause.)Yeah.
EDWARD. (Appears, his mouth full of foam,
toothbrushin hand.Tentative.)
Howareyou?
GEORGIE. Nol so great. (Pause.) Is that my
toothbrush?
EDWARD.(Lookingat it.) Is yourstheredone?

r
4i

96 SPIKEHEELS

GEORGIE. Mine's the only one, Edward. This is my

apartment,remember?

(SHE ta/cu it from him and goes to the bathroom with it.
EDWARD goes into the kitchen, gets a glass of water
and rinses out his mouth. GEORGIE reenters, trying
not to cry. SHE starts to put groceries away again. HE
stands in the door of the kitchen and walehes her.)

EDWARD.Here, let me help you.

(HE starts to take themfrom her. SHE does not let him.)

GEORGIE.I'm fine.I'm fine!(Pause.) I'm not fine.

EDWARD.It's okay, honey.Come on. I'll make you
some tea.
GEORGIE. (SHE lets him take the groceries.) Loot,
you probablyshouldgo checkon Andrew,I think he's-
EDWARD.I'll get aroundto him. I'm more concerned
about you right now. (HE talces takes the rest of the
groceries into the kitchen.)
GEORGIE.I hopehe goes backto Lydia.
EDWARD.I'd say it's anybody'sguess what he'll do.
GEORGIE.I reallylike her.
EDWARD.She's all right
GEORGIE.No, she's kind of great and you have to
stop runningaroundtellingeverybodyshe's a vampire.It's
not fwmyand you'reajerlc,okay?
EDWARD.Okay.
GEORGIE.Okay.
EDWARD.(Pause.)That'sa nicesweater.
GEORGIE.It's Lydia's.
 SPIKEHEELS 97

EDWARD. I know. I gave it to her.

(HE laughs.SHE starts at him.)

EDWARD. Oh. come on. I'm just trying to lighten the

mood here. 1t•s funny in a way, isn•t it? Well. okay, it
isn't. but sort or it is. Never mind.
GEORGIE. No, you're righL It is kind of funny. You
know, they were sleeping together before she dumped you.
EDWARD. Yes, I heard. Apparently. the whole world
has heard. I don't know what the big deal is. It was only
once.
GEORGIE. That's not what Lydia says.
BOWARD. What?
GEORGIE. Did he tell you that? It was only once?
EDWARD. How many times was it? Never mind.
Don't tell me. I don't want to know. (Cleaning, HE picks
up her shoes.)These shoes really are beautiful.
GEORGIE. I'm throwingthem ouL
EDWARD. Oh, don't do thaL
GEORGIE. They hurt my feet.
BOWARD. They'reverybeautiful.
GEORGIE. Look, Edward--
BOWARD. Sorry. Sorry. Go ahead.Throw them away.
Do whateveryou want.
GEORGIE. Sorry. I'm sorry.
EDWARD. Hey, come on, I'll make you breakfast
Whatdid I do with thosemuffins?
GEORGIE. Listen, Edward, thanks,but could you just
take offl I mean, I didn't sleep much last night, and I'm
beat
EDWARD. Sure. You're sure you're okay?
98 SPIKE HEELS

GEORGIE. Yeah. I'm fine. I am. I'm fine

EDWARD. Good (HE crosses 10 tM door. Turns back
and looks at Mr.) So what are you going to do now? Move
into a convent?
GEORGIE. (Pause.) I knew that's what you were after.
BDWARD. I'm just asking.
GEORGIE. I should have known. You got so nice, so
nice and helpful and reasonable. That's a sure sign that you
want something.
EDWARD. I never made any bones about thaL
GEORGIE. This whole concerned mother act-
EDWARD. I am concerned.
GEORGIE. Yeah, I picked that up.
EDWARD. He is all wrong for you.
GEORGIE. Edward-
EDWARD. I just hope you 're not having second
thoughts.
GEORGIE. I am not getting into this with you,
Edward.
EDWARD. We're already in iL Aren•t we? (HE smiles
OlMr.)
GEORGIE. Oh, no. (SHE picks up one of Mr slwes
and w~lds ii as a wt!apon.)
EDWARD. Come on, Georgie. I'm not the enemy.
GEORGIE. You sure about that?
EDWARD. Ninety percent
GEORGIE. Edward-we don't have the most romantic
relationship here.
EDWARD. Neither of us is exactly indifferenL Come
on. rm not Andrew.
GEORGIE. That much I got.
 SPIKE HEELS 99

EDWARD. And I'm not talking about a on~night

stand.
GEORGIE. I don't care what you're talking about-
EDWARD. Don't you think people can change?
GEORGIE. (Pause.) Yeah. Yeah,as a matter of fact, I
do.
EDWARD. Then what are you afraid ofl
GEORG IE. (Pause.) Nothing. I'm not afraid of
anything. (SHE throws ewwnthe shoe.)

(Pause.)

EDWARD. Good. (Pause.) Okay. You decide. And you

let me know. (HE goes to the door.)
GEORGIE. All right. All right. But if you want to try
this, you gotta know, this isn't going to look anything
like anything you've ever been in before.
EDWARD. I know thaL
GEORGIE. I'm not kidding, Edward. rm not playing
any more of your games. I'm not taking anymoreof your
shit. This is on my terms.
EDWARD. Of course.
GEORGIE. One kiss. For now, that's all you're
getting.
EDWARD. I accept your terms.
GEORGIE. Fuck you.
EDWARD. Yeah, fuck you, too.

(THEY kiss. The kiss goes on/or rather a long time. SJ-IE
pushes him away. THEY look at each other.)

EDWARD. Now what?

•
....
 •
100 SPIKEHEBl;S

OBORGIE.Nowwe at ....
BOWARD.All ripL
OBOROm.ADript. Makemeu offer.

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