The Trainer’s Guide: Secrets of mixing Pleasure and

Prevention

Contents

Name Graffiti ....................................................................................................... 2

What We Want to Know about Each Other ..................................................... 3
Expectations and Agenda-Setting .................................................................... 4
Talking about Fears ............................................................................................. 5
Ground-rules ........................................................................................................ 6
Comfort Continuum ............................................................................................ 7
Fruit Salad............................................................................................................. 8
Talking about Sex and Pleasure ....................................................................... 10
Things that give me Pleasure ............................................................................ 12
Quiz ..................................................................................................................... 13
Pleasure Lifeline ................................................................................................. 20
Finding the Right Word ...................................................................................... 22
Gender Dialogue .............................................................................................. 25
Why People Have Sex/Use Condoms .............................................................. 27
Positive Marketing ............................................................................................. 28
Carousel ............................................................................................................. 29

1
Name Graffiti

Synopsis This exercise helps the trainers and participants to learn each other’s
names and become comfortable with them. It is simple and only
requires some flipchart sheets and different coloured pens.

Objective To introduce trainers and participants

Approximate Time 20 minutes

Materials Needed 4 Flipchart sheets stuck together

Coloured pens – several colours

Steps Place the flipchart sheets in the middle of the floor together with the
coloured pens.

Explain to participants that you would like them in turn, when they
feel ready, to take a pen and write their first name on the paper and
say something about it: for example what they like about their name,
what they like to be called, etc.

You should begin and model this exercise.

When all the names are on the paper these should be displayed at
the training venue (e.g. stuck on the wall) for future reference. It also
helps trainers to remember the names of participants.

Tips for trainers You could explain the concept of graffiti to participants in case they
do not know what it means. One meaning is: writing or drawings that
have been scribbled, scratched, or sprayed illicitly on a wall or other
surface in a public place.

Be as creative as you can when you write your name down to begin
with, to cue participants to become less formal.

2
What We Want to Know about Each Other

Synopsis This exercise helps participants to get to know each other as well as
establishing a democratic environment in the training space. This is
done by asking participants what they would like to learn about each
other and then getting them to answer those questions they feel
most comfortable with.

Objective To facilitate introductions

Approximate Time 30 Minutes

Materials Needed Flipcharts

Marker Pens

Steps Ask participants to brainstorm a list of key things they would like to
know about each other.

As they do so, write these onto a flipchart.

Depending on the size of the group the next part of the exercise can
be done either in plenary or in small groups.

Ask participants in a round to introduce themselves covering those

topics from the list with which they feel comfortable.

This exercise, particularly when conducted in small groups, can help

to develop the sense of intimacy a group will need to explore
sensitive issues.

Tips for trainers In the beginning, if participants don’t respond, you may have to
provide a couple of examples of questions like, ‘Where have you
travelled from for this workshop?’ or ‘If you had a superpower, what
would it be?’, etc.

Try to have a list of between five and ten questions for people to pick
and choose from.

3
Expectations and Agenda-Setting

Synopsis This exercise helps participants and trainers to arrive at the same
page with regard to the purpose of the workshop and what
participants can hope to gain from it. It also helps to ensure that
participants know exactly what they can or cannot learn at this
forum.

Objective To clarify participants’ expectations from the training

Approximate Time 40 Minutes

Materials Needed Flipchart

Pens

Steps Write the objectives of the workshop at the top of a large piece of
paper each:

1. Explore key elements of sexuality

2. Explore some of our own feelings, values and attitudes

3. Practice communication skills

Divide participants into three groups.

Give one sheet to each group and ask them to have a discussion for 20
minute, which will help each person in the group to clarify the most
important things which they wish to learn from this course.

When they have done this, these can be written on the sheet.

Stick the sheets on the wall or place them on the floor where everyone
can see them.

It is important that you are clear with participants if there are any items
on the sheets which you feel unable to address and why.

Tips for trainers This exercise could also throw up some new areas for exploration that
the course currently does not address. Keep track of these and send a
recommendation to The Pleasure Project!

4
Talking about Fears

Synopsis It is important to acknowledge that participants may have fears and

anxieties in relation to discussing sexual matters. This activity provides
an opportunity to articulate these in a non-threatening way and for
trainers to provide reassurance.

Objective To acknowledge participants’ concerns about discussing sex and

pleasure

Approximate Time 30 Minutes

Materials Needed Pieces of paper

Pens

Steps Ask each participant to take a piece of paper and a pen and to complete
(in silence) the following sentence:

The thing that scares me most about talking about sex

and pleasure here is.................................................

When everyone has done this, gather all the pieces of paper and
redistribute them among participants ensuring that no one has his or
her own paper.

Ask each participant in turn to read out what is written on the piece of
paper they are holding. Ask them to do this slowly so that you can note
down they key points which emerge.

When this is completed, talk through the concerns offering reassurance

as appropriate.

Explain that the group will decide for itself a set of ground rules or
working agreements which will help people to feel safe enough to
participate to the degree that they feel able.

Tips for trainers To distribute the pieces of paper, you could use the ‘snowball fight’
technique, i.e. ask participants to crunch their pieces of papers into
balls and throw these around at each other like a snowball fight. Once
all the papers have gotten distributed around the training space,
participants can pick up the ball of paper next to them to read out loud.

5
Ground-rules

Synopsis This exercise is meant to establish an open, non-judgemental and

safe working environment amongst the participants. The working
agreement arrived at through this exercise will enhance ownership
over the workshop as well as over personal learning among the
participants.

Objective To establish a set of working agreements that will facilitate

participation

Approximate Time 30 Minutes

Materials Needed Flipchart

Pens

Steps Explain to participants that if the group is to work and learn together in
a constructive way, it will be important to have a set of ground-rules or
working agreements, which are a kind of contract between all the
members of the group. These should cover issues such as
confidentiality, listening to each other, allowing everyone to
participate, etc.

Divide the participants into fours and fives and ask each small group to
discuss and agree three agreements which they will propose to the
remainder of the group. Ask them to consider specifically what will be
needed in order for people to feel able to talk in this setting about sex
and pleasure (e.g. assumptions about people and disclosure).

When the small groups have completed this task re-assemble in plenary
and ask the groups to tell the others their rules in turn and see if the
others agree to them or not.

All those rules which are agreed to by everyone should be written on a

sheet of paper stuck on the wall and left there as a reminder to
participants throughout the course.

Processing – ask participants:

• How did it feel to participate in that activity?
• What did you learn from the activity?

6
Comfort Continuum

Synopsis This exercise goes deeper into participant’s attitudes towards

discussing sex and pleasure. It enables participants to discuss their
boundaries and comfort zones and learn from each other’s levels of
confidence.

Objective To explore participants’ comfort with talking about sex and pleasure

Approximate Time 30 Minutes

Materials Needed None

Steps Ask everyone to stand up and when they do so draw an imaginary line
down the middle the room.

Explain that this is a continuum which ranges from completely agree at

one end of the line to completely disagree at the other. You can stick
sheets of paper accordingly at each end of the continuum.

Explain that you will call out a series of statements and that participants
should place themselves immediately on the line in relation to how
they feel in response to the statement.

When everyone has placed themselves on the line, participants should

have a brief conversation with whoever is standing nearest to them as
to why they have each placed themselves where they are.

When this conversation dies down call out the next statement.

• I feel relaxed at the prospect of talking about sex and pleasure

during this workshop
• I think I know more than enough already about sex and pleasure
• Sexual pleasure matters more to men than to women
• Pleasure is the main reason why people have sex

Tips for trainers You can try a variation on this exercise by asking specific participants at
different parts of the line to share in plenary why they are placed
where they are. This enables a broader discussion with the group and
more opinions to be aired, as well as ensuring that people at opposite
ends of the spectrum are also able to hear each other’s views.

7
Fruit Salad

Synopsis This exercise can be used at different points in the course to energise
participants as well as encourage self-disclosure in a non-threatening
manner. Self-disclosure in the area of sex and pleasure enables
participants to bust some their own myths and assumptions about
people who they think they know. It is also a good technique to help
participants realise that they are perhaps not alone in being or doing
a particular thing.

Objective Energiser
To increase comfort with self-disclosure

Approximate Time 15 Minutes

Materials Needed A chair for each participant

Steps Explain to participants that this exercise is both an "energiser" and a

way of making some tentative steps towards self-disclosure.

Emphasise that participants should only make disclosures with which

they feel comfortable.

Ask everyone to stand up and arrange their chairs in a circle in the

centre of the training space. Remove one chair from the circle so that
there is one chair less than the total number of participants. Ask for a
volunteer to stand in the middle of the circle to start off the exercise.
Alternatively, the trainer should start the exercise.

Whoever is in the middle of the circle must make a statement which

is true for them and which is likely to be true for others in the group.

They should begin:

"all those who .....………...... change chairs"

and all those for whom this statement is true change chairs
immediately and as quickly as possible.

The person left in the middle calls out the next statement.

The first handful of statements should be non-sexual to get

participants moving: for instance they can relate to appearance "All
those with brown eyes", or “All those who are over 20 years old”.

8
 When the atmosphere is more relaxed, encourage participants to
make statements relating more explicitly to sexuality, e.g. “All those
who are married” or “All those who like to talk about sex”

Processing – ask participants:

• How did you feel when the exercise began?
• How do you feel about the disclosures you and others made?
• How did you feel when the exercise ended?
• What do you think the exercise did for the group?

Tips for trainers You can use this exercise at any time during the training. It could be
an exercise that you keep coming back to over the course with more
and more explicit disclosures, some of which could be points of
discussion (in a generalised manner, ensuring that particular
participants are not discussed) in plenary.

Be sensitive to any personal or intimate disclosures that could

generate shock or judgement from other participants. Set the
example by being supportive and non-judgemental.

9
Talking about Sex and Pleasure

Synopsis This exercise is meant to break the inhibitions and explore the
cultural associations people have with words and terms around sex,
sexuality and pleasure. A group activity allows participants to learn
from each other the various words and terms associated with sexual
acts, sexual organs and pleasure. They then get to examine their own
discomfort around particular words and what they believe is
acceptable or unacceptable and why.

Objective To enable participants to talk explicitly about sex, sexuality and

pleasure

Approximate Time 45 Minutes

Materials Needed Flipchart sheets

Marker pens

Steps Before introducing the exercise, prepare four sheets of flipchart

paper, each headed with one of the following:
• Different sexual activities
• Male sexual organs
• Female sexual organs
• Sexual pleasure

Explain the purpose of the exercise to participants before dividing

them into small groups and giving each group a flipchart sheet and
pen.

Ask participants to brainstorm all the words they have heard of for
their topic.

After a few minutes rotate the sheets between the groups and
continue until all the sheets have been seen and written on by all the
groups.

Stick the sheets on the walls.

Ask participants to get up and look at all the sheets on the wall for a
few minutes. Give permission for people to seek clarification of any
terms with which they are unfamiliar.

Possible Development
Ask people to choose one word with which they are uncomfortable

10
 or which they do not like.

When they have all done this, ask them to mill around and stop one
person after another and ask them

"what does ------- mean to you?"

and
"how does ------ feel to you?"

It should be made clear to participants that the purpose of this part

of the activity is to get as many responses as possible to these
questions. They are to ask the two questions and listen to the replies.
They are not to get involved in conversations.

When they have completed this part of the exercise ask participants
to return to their small groups and consider the following questions:
• Did anyone's responses surprise you and if so why?
• Has your reaction to the word you chose changed at all and if so
why?
• Which of these words do you personally find
acceptable/unacceptable?
• What do these words reveal about cultural attitudes towards
sex, gender and pleasure?
• Is there anything you would like to be different about your
reaction to these words?
• Which words would you use in your work and why?

Tips for trainers This exercise encourages participants to learn about the diversity of
opinions that exists, thus encouraging them to question their own
beliefs. Circulate among the small group discussions while they are
answering the questions raised and track whether this is happening.
Question participants about why they would not use certain words in
their work and what effect this would have on the effectiveness of
their work. Stress the importance of using unambiguous, easy to
understand and sometimes colloquial language in a professional
manner to ensure that the people being reached are absorbing
messages in the way intended.

11
Things that give me Pleasure

Synopsis This is an exercise that can be repeated each day as the course
progresses, while encouraging participants to become more and
more open about sexual pleasure. It is an anonymous and non-
threatening way to enable participants to unpack the concept of
pleasure and what it means to different people.

Objective To practice thinking and talking about pleasure

Approximate Time 20 Minutes

Materials Needed Pieces of paper

Box

Steps Ask participants to take a slip of paper and complete the following
sentence:

“I get pleasure from ………………”

The slips should be placed in the box, shuffled, redistributed and

read out in turn by participants.

This exercise can be repeated the following day, focusing on sexual

pleasure.

Tips for trainers The first time you do this exercise, you can explain to participants
that pleasure is derived from many different things in life. The
meaning of pleasure is as diverse as there are people in the world.
Encourage people to describe their pleasures from non-sexual
avenues for the first time.

For subsequent sessions of the exercise, you can discuss sexual

pleasure and dispel any disgust or surprise arising from sexual acts or
practices written about.

12
Quiz

Synopsis This is a quiz, intended to increase participants’ understanding of

sexual function and the physiology of pleasure. The discussion
questions at the end of the quiz enable a deeper discussion on sex,
its physiology and notions of pleasure.

Objective To increase understanding of sexual functioning and the physiological

basis of sexual pleasure

Approximate Time 60-90 Minutes

Materials Needed Copies of the quiz for each participant

Pens
Flipchart

Steps Distribute the quiz to participants.

Explain that the quiz is a participatory way of sharing some relevant

information.

Ask participants to complete the quiz alone to begin with, taking just
a few minutes to do so.

When they are ready, ask them to form small groups. They should
take 15 minutes to compare and discuss their answers and see if they
can reach consensus.

In plenary, take feedback from the small groups on each question

and discuss.

Tips for trainers The trainer should be well prepared for the discussion questions at
the end of the quiz. Recommended reading includes ‘Everything you
wanted to know about pleasurable safer sex but were afraid to ask.
Twenty questions on sex, pleasure and health’ by Wendy Knerr and
Anne Philpott, The Pleasure Project.

13
 QUIZ

1. What is the first physiological sign of sexual arousal in women?

a) vaginal lubrication
b) erection of the nipples
c) erection of the clitoris
d) increased heart rate

2. What is the first physiological sign of sexual arousal in men?

a) erection of the penis

b) increased heart rate
c) erection of the nipples
d) rising of testes in scrotum

3. Which of the following kinds of stimulation might result in an orgasm?

a) fantasies/dreams
b) clitoral stimulation
c) penile stimulation
d) kissing
e) breast stimulation
f) penetration
g) anal stimulation
h) oral sex
i) using sex toys
j) pain
k) sensual body touching
l) all of the above
m) none of the above

4. An orgasm for a woman is characterised by vaginal contractions

a) agree
b) disagree
c) unsure

5. An orgasm for a man is characterised by ejaculation:

a) agree
b) disagree
c) unsure

6. Sexual pleasure need not be dependent on genital stimulation:

a) agree
b) disagree
c) unsure

14
7. People masturbate:

a) in the absence of a partner

b) with a partner
c) at any age
d) to be sexual
e) to help them sleep
f) to give themselves pleasure

8. Why are people heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual?

a) nature
b) upbringing
c) choice
d) nobody knows

15
 FACILITATORS' NOTES - QUIZ

1. What is the first physiological sign of sexual arousal in women?

and

2. What is the first physiological sign of sexual arousal in men?

Masters and Johnson reported in the findings of their research that vaginal lubrication was
the first physiological sign of sexual arousal in women, and erection of the penis the first sign
in men. They said that in both men and women the first physiological signs of arousal are
caused by the reflex vasodilatation of the genital blood vessels. The male erection is caused
by the engorgement of the penis with blood. For the female, the engorgement of the walls
of the vagina and surrounding tissues causes a clear fluid to seep through the vaginal wall.

For both men and women, arousal can be caused by smells, sounds, touch, taste, images or
thoughts. These physiological responses, as conceptualised by Masters and Johnson, follow
a consistent pattern irrespective of sexual orientation.

Furthermore their research was specific to particular groups in the USA. By its very nature
this kind of research is essentially "normative" and seeks to identify similarities rather than
differences. One consequence of this may be that people feel inadequate or "different"
because their individual experience does not match the stated "norms".

Ask participants:
• Do Masters and Johnson's findings match women's/men's own experience of their
sexual response?
• What are the similarities/differences between men and women?
• What are the consequences of the differences in visibility of sexual arousal in men and
women?
• Can both men and women fake sexual desire and orgasm?
• Does it matter if we are like/unlike other people in our sexual lives?
• Do men feel more pleasure than women during sex?
• Is sexual pleasure more of a physical experience for men than for women?

3. Which of the following kinds of stimulation might result in an orgasm?

In theory any or all of these can lead to orgasm. Some people prefer one kind of stimulation
while others prefer a different kind or combinations. This can also vary from occasion to
occasion at different stages of one's life.

Orgasm can be triggered either by tactile or psychic stimulation or a combination of the two.
The brain plays an important role in enhancing sexual pleasure (e.g. through sexual fantasy).
This also explains why people with disabilities can experience sexual pleasure even when
they have no genital sensation.

16
Ask participants:
• Can you GIVE anyone else an orgasm?
• What might be the role of touch in orgasm?
• What might the role of sexual fantasy be in sexual excitement?
• What role might sexual aids e.g. vibrators, pornography have in relation to sexual
arousal?
• How do you feel about these?
• How do we learn what is the best way to stimulate ourselves sexually?
• "Foreplay" - does it exist? If so what is it? Why is it talked about?
• Safer sex – is it sexy or not? How could we make it more sexy?

4. An orgasm for a woman is characterised by vaginal contractions:

Orgasm is notoriously hard to describe. Masters and Johnson's laboratory research on

human sexual response led them to the conclusion that there is only one kind of female
orgasm which is centred around the clitoris and is characterised by involuntary rhythmic
contractions of the outer third of the vagina (the so-called ‘orgasmic platform’). But this
necessarily only addresses the physiological element of orgasm.

At a physiological level orgasm is the reflex response once a threshold level of sexual
stimulation is reached. Orgasm can be inhibited by insufficient or ineffective stimulation or
by difficulties in "letting go" emotionally. Women who have not been able to experience an
orgasm can learn to do so. Similarly male partners can learn more about female sexual
arousal and orgasm.

What is certain is that the hallmark of orgasm in both men and women is a sensation which
is both physical and emotional in nature and unique to each of us. Descriptions of orgasms
can be very diverse. The nature and intensity of orgasms depend on a complex range of
social, psychological and physical factors.

Because women, unlike men, do not experience a refractory period (during which men are
unresponsive to further sexual stimulation) continued stimulation may lead to another
orgasm.

Ask participants:
• Can we ever adequately define an orgasm?
• What would be your own definition of an orgasm?
• How would you describe an orgasm to someone who hasn't had one?
• Does having an orgasm matter?
• What is the difference between sexuality and sensuality?
• Do you know more about men or women's orgasms? Why?

5. An orgasm for men is characterised by ejaculation:

According to Masters and Johnson ejaculation occurs in two stages: the first consisting of the
pooling of seminal fluid inside the body; the second of its rapid expulsion caused by
rhythmic muscular contractions. It is usually this "pumping" experience which is associated
with orgasm.

17
Ejaculation and orgasm are not necessarily synonymous. For example, some men who have
had prostatectomies (i.e. partial or complete removal of the prostate gland) may be left
unable to ejaculate, or ejaculate in a retrograde fashion (into the bladder). However their
ability to experience orgasm remains intact. The extent to which men generally are able to
experience orgasm independently of ejaculation (and even erection) is unclear.

What is more certain is that after orgasm the vast majority of men enter a "refractory"
period (during which they are unresponsive to further stimulation) The duration of this
period is different within and between individuals but as men get older this period tends to
lengthen.

Whether or not men have the potential to be "multiply orgasmic" i.e. to experience two or
more consecutive orgasms without a refractory period is as yet unclear.

Ask participants:
• What difficulties might men experience in relation to ejaculation?
• If orgasm for men is not necessarily ejaculation, what is it? Can men be multi-
orgasmic?
• Are women and men different in the emphasis they give to genital stimulation?
• Are men more orgasm-oriented than women? Why?

6. Sexual pleasure need not be dependent on genital stimulation?

Sexual pleasure is dependent on a variety of behaviours, moods, environments, attitudes,

expectations and social conditioning. It is important to distinguish between what each of us
identifies as sexually pleasurable and the "objective" criteria of physiological stimulation and
response described above.

Ask participants:
• What is sexuality?
• Is sexuality different from sensuality?
• What about people with different degrees of physical disability (permanent or
temporary) - how might this affect their experience of their sexuality?
• Do men and women view sexuality and sensuality differently? If so why?

7. People masturbate:

In some cultures masturbation is considered to be an important source of pleasure whether

done alone or shared with a partner, while in others it remains unacceptable and, when
practiced, may lead to considerable feelings of guilt.

Potentially positive aspects of masturbation are that it is safe sex and it can play an
important role in learning about ourselves as sexual beings.

18
Ask participants:
• How do you feel about masturbation?
• What do you think about partners in a relationship masturbating separately?
• Who is ultimately responsible for our sexual pleasure?
• How should adults respond to children who masturbate?

8. Why are people heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual?

Sexual orientation refers to primary sexual attraction to the same, opposite or both sexes.

While this question asks about heterosexuality, homosexuality and bisexuality most research
has concentrated on looking at the "causes" of homosexuality thereby defining it as a
"problem" rather than viewing any apparently exclusive sexual identity as equally in need (or
not) of explanation. Heterosexuality is seen as "given" and “natural" and therefore not in
need of explanation.

Ask participants:
• Are behaviour and identity always consistent?
• Does it matter what sexual orientation we have? Why?
• What is homophobia?
• How might it manifest itself?
• How do you feel about people whose sexual orientation differs from your own?
• What assumptions might we make about the sexuality of others?

19
Pleasure Lifeline

Synopsis This is a self-reflection exercise, allowing participants to look back

into their lives and examine when they became conscious of pleasure
in general and sexual pleasure in particular.

Objective To increase sensitivity and understanding of how participants’ own

experiences of pleasure and sex can affect their own attitudes and
values and their responses to others.

Approximate Time 75 Minutes

Materials Needed Paper and pens for each participant

Steps Ask participants to think about their favourite meal. They don’t have
to tell anyone about it but rather just enjoy the memory of it. What
about a favourite sound? Smell?

Explain to participants that if we are to be able to talk successfully

about sexual pleasure, it can be useful to explore our experiences of
pleasure.

Ask participants to choose their partner for this exercise now, so that
when the time comes, they can go into pairs with minimum
disruption to other participants. The person they choose should be
someone with whom they feel comfortable to share some personal
material.

Ask participants to find a place in the room where they feel

comfortable and can focus on the exercise without distraction. If the
room allows for it they may want to lie down on the floor. They
should relax and listen to your voice. Allow a few minutes for this.

Explain the following:

“Imagine yourself in a place where you feel completely relaxed and
safe. There is a photograph album of your life. Inside the album on
each page there is a different picture of you at different stages of
your life.

The first page is a photo of you as a baby. On the next, you as a

toddler, then as you turn the pages there Is you starting primary
school, secondary school, beginning puberty, becoming a young
adult, and finally as you are now. Look at these photos and think
about yourself at each of these ages. Think about different senses –

20
 taste – touch – hearing – smell – looking and how these give you
pleasure as a baby? As an infant? As an older child? At puberty? As a
young adult? As you are now?

Now, think now about sex…when did you first become aware of
yourself as a sexual person? When did you first feel sexual pleasure?
What did it feel like? And now, how does it feel to be a sexual person?
What makes you feel sexy? What makes you feel good about yourself
as a sexual person?”

When you have finished, they should take time to draw or write on
their paper whatever has come into their mind. This may be in
words, pictures or diagrams. Allow 15-20 minutes for this. They
should then get together with their partner. It is important that they
divide the next 30 minutes equally between them. This is not a
conversation. One of them will be talking and the other listening.
They will then change roles.

Processing:
It may be most appropriate to process the exercise in support pairs
or groups, paying attention to the experience of the exercise and the
learning from it.

It may be useful for the trainer to begin the processing by drawing

attention to the fact that change IS possible, and to ask participants
to consider the messages they would like to give to their clients or
those over whom they have influence e.g. their own children.

Ask participants:
• What did you learn about yourself from that exercise?

Tips for trainers Such an exercise could lead to bad memories surfacing as well.
Before going into the workshop, try and arrange contact with a
support group or counsellor who can help people that may have
experienced sexual or other violence.

Before launching into the exercise, clarify that while you may not be
trained to help participants deal with negative emotions, you can
point them to somebody who they can talk to.

21
Finding the Right Word

Synopsis This exercise helps participants to articulate colloquial words related

to specific sexual acts and makes them think about whether or not
they know the language used by various possible clients they could
have. It helps highlight the lack of information programme planners
and implementers often have with relation to sexual acts and
language.

Objective To practice talking explicitly about sex

Approximate Time 45-60 Minutes

Materials Needed Copies of the worksheet

Steps It is probably best to conduct this activity in single sex groups.

Be sensitive to any reluctance in relation to this activity. Emphasise its

purpose and relevance to the work of participants.

Encourage everyone to try the activity but allow those who feel very
uncomfortable to opt out.

Divide the participants into single sex groups of around five or six.

Give each group a copy of the worksheet and ask them to complete
this, filling in the words which they think the different people would
really use.

Processing – ask the participants:

• How did it feel to participate in that activity?
• Did your feelings change as the activity went on? If so in what
ways?
• How do you feel now?
• What were the main differences between the vocabularies used
by the different people?
• Was there a gender difference among the different characters? If
so how would you describe this?
• Were any of the vocabularies more or less acceptable to you
personally?
• How would this affect you if you were to have a conversation
about sexual matters with one of these people? Which
vocabulary, if any, would you wish to use?

22
Tips for Trainers Depending on the context you are conducting this training in, you might
like to have separate groups of married / unmarried females and males
or age based divisions of the groups. This is to ensure that younger or
unmarried women and men are also able to contribute freely to the
discussion in highly hierarchical or hetero-normative contexts.

Participants have found this exercise extremely enlightening, in that,

they have realised that they actually do not possess the vocabulary to
discuss sex, sexual acts and pleasure with their clients.

Emphasise the importance of learning this vocabulary and being aware

of the exact meaning of different words to ensure that messages do not
get diluted or misunderstood.

Note any differences in the amount of words the male group is able to
fill in versus the amount of words the female group knows. Highlight
any gender differences that are apparent, i.e. it is okay for men to use
these terms but not for women, therefore they never learn about
them. You could discuss the effect this has on women’s knowledge of
their own anatomy and therefore their (lack of) ‘access’ to sexual
pleasure.

23
 WORKSHEET

Fill in the appropriate term in the blank space:

1. An illiterate man of 20 from a rural area, talking privately with his friends, would call his
genitals his..............and his wife's genitals her.............. He would describe sexual intercourse as
................., masturbation as ................., oral sex as ..................... and anal sex as.................... He
would describe orgasm as...................

2. An illiterate woman of 20 from a rural area, talking privately with her friends, would describe
her genitals as her ............... and her husband's as his............. She would describe sexual
intercourse as ................., masturbation as ................., oral sex as ..................... and anal sex
as.................... She would describe orgasm as...................

3. A 22 year old educated urban man, talking privately with his friends, would describe his
genitals as ................and a woman's as her............. He would describe sexual intercourse as
................., masturbation as ................, oral sex as ..................... and anal sex as.................... He
would describe orgasm as.......................

4. A 22 year old educated urban woman, talking privately with her friends, would describe her
genitals as her................and a man's as his............. She would describe sexual intercourse as
................., masturbation as .................., oral sex as ..................... and anal sex as.................... She
would describe orgasm as...................

5. A 13 year old boy, talking privately with his friends, would describe his genitals as
................and a girls’ as his............. He would describe sexual intercourse as................. and
masturbation as ....................

6. A 13 year old girl, talking privately with her friends, would describe her genitals as
................and a boy's as his............. She would describe sexual intercourse as................. and
masturbation as ....................

24
Gender Dialogue

Synopsis This exercise provides participants the opportunity to explore ideas

of sex and pleasure as held by the other sex. They are asked to come
up with three questions that they would like to ask the other sex
around sex and pleasure.

Objective To explore gender dimensions of talking about sex and pleasure

Approximate Time 45-60 Minutes

Materials Needed None

Steps This exercise provides a structured opportunity for an exchange

between men and women about their experience of gender, sex and
pleasure and requires a great deal of trust within the group if it is to be
productive.

It is most likely to be successful when there are roughly equal numbers

of male and female participants. It will be important to remind
participants of their ground-rules before beginning the activity: such as
treating each other with respect and listening without judging.

Divide the group up into two, one of men and one of women.

Explain that they will have an opportunity to ask the other group three
questions about sex and pleasure.

You will need to assist both groups to negotiate the kind of questions
which should and should not be asked before they go off (preferably to
separate rooms) to draw up their lists.

There are at least three increasingly challenging ways to do this:

i. You provide the questions or topics for each group to discuss: e.g.
• “men and women should know without being told how to give
sexual pleasure to their partner”
• “men are more sexually driven than women”
• “condoms can make sex better”

ii. The groups make up the questions and deliberate their answers in
private, electing spokespersons to feedback their responses to the
other group

iii. The groups take it in turn to observe (in silence) each other’s

25
 discussions.

Processing – ask the participants:

• How did the two groups approach this exercise?
• What did it feel like to do it?
• Did anything surprise you?
• What have you learned about yourself/others?

26
Why People Have Sex/Use Condoms

Synopsis This exercise helps participants to critically analyse the reasons

behind usage or non-usage of condoms, what it has to do with
pleasure and how it ties into people’s reasons for having sex. It also
helps highlight the gender differences in the reasons for having sex,
depending on the context that this exercise is done in.

Objective To explore possibilities for promoting male and female condoms as a

means of enhancing sexual pleasure

Approximate Time 60 Minutes

Materials Needed Flipchart

Marker pens

Steps Divide participants into four groups, giving each group marker pens and
paper.

Ask them to brainstorm all the reasons they can think of in answer to
the question posed to their group:
Group 1: Why do people use condoms?
Group 2: Why don't people use condoms?
Group 3: Why do men have sex?
Group 4: Why do women have sex?

Allow 15-20 minutes for this.

Stick all the sheets on the wall and get participants to walk around and
look at the lists.

Add blank sheets and ask participants to write in any reasons which
appear in two or more of the other lists.

Processing – ask participants:

• What is the balance between the four lists?
• Which heading has the most items under it?
• Was it easier to think of negative or positive things?
• How could we build up the positives?
• Which items appear in more than one list?
• What does this tell us about sexual pleasure?

27
Positive Marketing

Synopsis The exercise compels participants to project condoms and lubricant

as pleasure enhancing products. This helps them understand the
possibilities that exist in messaging around condoms (both female
and male), apart from those around fear and disease.

Objective To identify and promote pleasure-focused advantages of male and

female condoms and lubricant

Approximate Time 45 Minutes

Materials Needed Male and female condoms, lubricant

Steps Divide participants into six groups. Two groups will work on male
condoms, two on female condoms and two on lubricant.

Explain that they have 20 minutes to identify ways of convincing the

others of the advantages of their product, focusing on sexual
pleasure.

Each group presents to the others.

Processing – ask participants:

• How easy or difficult was that activity?
• Which points were most/least convincing?
• What can we learn from the activity?

Tips for trainers You can pitch this activity as one where the groups have to make an
advertisement / TV commercial.

The exercise can be made more interesting and creative by telling

participants that they cannot use words like fear, danger, infection,
contraception, etc. in their pitch.

It can also be a competition between the groups with the most

convincing advertisement winning a small prize – keep some candies
or other easy to obtain and inexpensive items handy to give out to
the winning group members. Participants become quite enthusiastic
with the competition scenario and can be quite creative.

28
Carousel

Synopsis This is a practice exercise that provides participants with the

opportunity to apply some of their learning as well as receive
constructive feedback on their reactions and advice to mock clients. It
enables an analysis in the end of the manner in which different
situations can be handled and which would be the most effective.

Objective To practice talking about sex and sexual pleasure

Approximate Time 45-60 Minutes

Materials Needed Situations

Chairs arranged in two concentric circles with an equal number of
chairs in each circle

Steps Explain that the purpose of this exercise is to give participants an

opportunity to practice talking about sex and sexual pleasure by
exposing them to a range of different situations relevant to their work.

They will have the opportunity to receive feedback from several

different ‘clients’ and as ‘clients’ they get to experience different
approaches to talking about these issues.

Divide participants into two groups. Ask one group to sit on the inner
circle, facing outwards. Ask the others to sit opposite them in the outer
circle. Explain that those sitting on the inner circle are the professionals
and those on the outside are the clients. There will be an opportunity
to change roles.

Give each of the 'clients' a situation card to present to the professional

and tell them to explain to the professional if the role outlined in their
card is different to them in ways that are not obvious to others (e.g. if
they are playing a 15 year old).

Explain to the professionals that they will have three minutes to

respond to each situation before you call time. There will then be two
minutes for feedback from the 'client'. It is essential that this feedback
is constructive: it should be focused upon how specifically what was
done or said affected the 'client', and if appropriate, what they could
have done differently.

After the feedback, call time and ask the 'clients' to move one seat
clockwise while the professionals stay where they are and repeat the

29
 activity.

Do this as many times as feels necessary or until participants get tired.

When it is time to change roles, ask participants to change chairs and

the service-users to move one seat clockwise before beginning again in
their different roles.

Processing – ask participants:

• As a client, what did you find most useful in what was said to you?
• What was least useful?
• What were the most important similarities among the responses?
• What were the most important differences?
• What did you find most enjoyable about this activity?
• What did you find most difficult?
• What did you learn about yourself from the activity?
• What did you learn in relation to the work you do?

Tips for trainers Ensure that participants understand what ‘giving feedback’ means.
They must not be judgemental or provide value-laden feedback.
Instead, their role is to state facts and explain how these affect the
‘client’.

You could try a variation on this exercise with a short plenary discussion
after each round of conversations. This can result in subsequent client
simulations getting better, based on the feedback discussed together.

If you have less participants, instead of the carousel, you could try the
fishbowl method where two participants volunteer to be the client and
the professional. They are placed face-to-face in the centre of the circle
with all other participants being the (silent) observers. After each
interaction, there can be a plenary discussion on the observations and
feedback, followed by a new pair coming into the fishbowl to simulate
an interaction.

You can adjust the ages given in the situation cards, depending on the
client group your participants deal with.

30
 WORKSHEET

SITUATIONS FOR CAROUSEL

(cut out each situation and hand out separately to the participants)

You have heard your friends talk about this thing called a climax. You laugh and joke with them
about it, but are too shy to say that you don't think you have ever experienced this with your
husband.
(25 year old woman)

You have realised that you are gay. You feel fine about this. All you need to know is how you
can make sure that the sex you have is enjoyable and safe.
(18 year old man)

You have a very happy relationship but one thing bothers you. Your partner loves having sex
but you could never understand what all the fuss is about.
(Young married man)

You are having sex with your boyfriend. You think it would be fun to introduce female condoms.
You are not sure how these work or how he will react.
(20 year old woman)

You enjoy sex with your partner but he penetrates very quickly and it hurts you because you are
still dry.
(19 year old woman)

You are very nervous about having sex because you climax very quickly. Someone told you that
condoms might help – how?
(24 year old man)

Your partner touches your breasts very quickly before penetrating. You would like the ‘foreplay’
to go on for longer but don’t know how to ask
(26 year old woman)

You have always had great sexual fantasies but now that you are in a relationship you feel guilty
because you are not always thinking about your partner when you have sex.
(24 year old man or woman)

You and your partner are HIV positive. Sex is a very important part of your relationship – any
suggestions as to how you can make your sex life even better?

31
Case Studies

Synopsis This session enables participants to look closely at work that has
happened in using the pleasure approach and identify areas that can
be applied to their own work. It will also help them to make their
action plan in the end of the course, with some concrete activities.

Objective To identify lessons learned from examples and consider their

application to participants’ own work

Approximate Time 60 Minutes

Materials Needed Copies of the case studies

Steps Provide a general overview of the case studies, explaining why they
were chosen.

Divide participants into four groups and give one example to each
group.

Ask participants to read through the example before identifying its

key features (e.g. the target audience, the nature of the intervention,
etc.).

Ask participants to identify what, if any, adaptations they would have

to make if they were to apply the example in their own work.

Present the outcomes of the small group discussions.

32
Action Planning

Synopsis This exercise is meant to facilitate participants to develop an action

plan emerging from the course which they can put in place to
improve the effectiveness of their own work and adopt a pleasure
approach.

Objective To facilitate the application of the training to participants’ own work

Approximate Time > 90 Minutes

Materials Needed Copies of the relevant sections of the participants’ own curricula
Copies of all the activities used in the training
A list on the wall of all the activities conducted so far

Steps Divide participants into their work teams

Make sure each group has at least one copy of their own curriculum
and at least one set of all the activities used in the training

Explain that the purpose of the activities is for them to review their
own curricula, looking for opportunities in which they could include
or adapt the activities to make their curricula more sex positive and
pleasure focused

Allow 60 minutes for this and provide support and suggestions as

necessary

Allow 15 minutes for each group to feedback to plenary on the

outcomes of their discussions.

33
 WORKSHEET

PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL REFLECTION

1. What have been the most important things you have learned from this training?

* about yourself?

* about sex and pleasure?

* about your work?

2. In what ways is this training going to benefit you in the course of your daily work?

3. Choose one area of your work and consider how you could make a change which would
make you more able to be sex-positive with your clients?

4. What change are you going to make? Is this:

Specific

Measurable

Achievable

Realistic

Time-bound

5. Will you need permission or support from anyone in your workplace to do this? (If so state
who, and how and when you will obtain this)

34