Body Neutrality Finding Acceptance and Liberation in a Body

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Contents

vii
ix

13

24

33

5 Most Things Are More Important than Appearance 46

6 I Release the Enslaving Emphasis I Place on My Body 54

7 Our Bodies Aren’t Meant to be “Achievements” 62

73

84

92

101

109

121
131
Illustrations

Figure
8.1 Resilient reintegration based on Richardson’s Resiliency
Model (2002) and Kite and Kite (2020) 80

Tables
10.1 Acceptance and compassion toward areas of insecurity 99
11.1 Taking up physical, emotional, and social space 107
Foreword by Claire Chewning

I think it’s fair to say that one of the questions we receive most in our child-
hood years is, “So … what do you want to be when you grow up?” Quite the
loaded question to ask someone who has yet to even reach the double-digit
age range, if you ask me. Interestingly enough, though, this was one of the few
questions adults would ask me that I could confdently answer at a young age.
“I like nutrition,” I would say, “I want to teach people about food and learn to
cook delicious meals just like my dad does.” Fast forward a few decades and
here I am as a registered dietitian (shocker, I know).
Working alongside individuals to help them create healthier relationships
with food and their bodies is both an honor and a privilege. However, I’d be
lying if I said that my current role as a dietitian, Certifed Intuitive Eating
Counselor, and business owner is exactly what I envisioned for myself when
I enrolled in my frst undergraduate nutrition course. In school, I spent more
hours than I care to count buried in books about human metabolism, bio-
chemistry, food science, and nutrition policy (don’t even get me started on my
arch nemesis, organic chemistry). While my studies of these topics undoubt-
edly gave me a frm, evidence-based foundation as a nutrition professional, I
can’t say they fully prepared me for what it would be like to work with actual
human beings.
Three words come to mind when I think of my frst year as a practicing
dietitian: Big. Learning. Curve. Sure, I could recite every step of the Krebs
cycle by memory (thanks, biochem), but I began to realize that book knowl-
edge was effectively useless if I didn’t know how to hold space for the clients
sitting in front of me with real-life questions, concerns, and limitations. What
I’m about to say probably won’t come as a shock to you, my reading friend,
but we humans are complicated. I quickly learned that my work as a dietitian
wouldn’t be as simple as providing a list of “healthy recipes” or educating on
the best sources of potassium. In order to really help my clients make long-
term changes in their health, I needed to help them explore their relationships
with food.
Believe it or not, your relationship with food involves way more than food
itself. Sure, the foods you choose to eat (or not eat) on a daily basis are part
of your relationship with food. But it also encompasses your behaviors and
x Foreword by Claire Chewning
beliefs surrounding food, health, and your body. As I started talking with my
clients more about their relationships with food, I discovered a few common
themes. First, how they related to food as an adult was largely infuenced by
the food environment they were exposed to as a child. Observing parents or
caregivers engaging in dieting behaviors, using moralizing language around
food, and imposing long lists of household food rules often paved the way for
their negative relationship with food. Second, my clients frequently described
feelings of body dissatisfaction early in life as one of the motivating factors to
begin engaging in restrictive eating behaviors. The more I talked to people
about their relationships with food (and the more I refected on my own his-
tory of food struggles, too), the more I came to realize that we cannot separate
our relationships with food from our relationships with our bodies.
Enter: the body image conversation. The very topic of this book you’re
about to read! I wonder what thoughts or feelings come up for you when you
consider this topic. In the past, I’ve had clients both welcome and dread the
thought of exploring their relationship with their bodies. For some, body
image work feels like an exciting opportunity to discover more peace and con-
fdence in their daily lives. For others, the thought of working to improve their
relationship with their body without engaging in attempts to actively change
the appearance of their physical body feels like a terrifying, near impossible
task. No matter how you feel approaching this conversation, it’s okay. Your
relationship with your body is deeply personal and is often rooted in things
(think: trauma, illness, everyday experiences of weight stigma and living in a
fatphobic society, etc.) that simply cannot be “fxed” by the latest dieting trend
or attempt to shrink yourself. In an appearance-driven, diet-focused world,
it can feel like a truly radical act to even consider allowing yourself to exist
exactly as you are today, without judgment or the continual quest for “self-
improvement” (more to come on this in the pages ahead).
One of the frst questions I ask clients when the topic of body image comes
up in our conversations is, “how would you defne body image in your own
words?” More often than not, the answer that follows is something along the
lines of, “it’s how I see myself,” or “it’s what I think about my body.” As you’ll
learn in the following chapters, how you see yourself is most defnitely a part of
body image, but there’s more to the story than meets the eye (literally). In the
frst chapter of this book, Eleanor describes body image as having four parts:
how you see yourself, how you feel about your appearance, what you think
and believe about your body, and the behaviors that you engage in as a result
of those beliefs. I love sharing this multipart defnition with my clients because
it helps us see that our relationships with our bodies go far beyond what we
see in the mirror. Diet culture (a system of beliefs that prioritizes weight loss
above all else, correlating thinness with health and health with moral value)
would like us to believe the key to better body image is engaging in behaviors
to change your body until it fts a very narrow frame of beauty standards. But
how could this be true if body image isn’t just about appearance? And how
 Foreword by Claire Chewning xi
could dieting possibly be the path to improved self-image if it nearly always
involves behaviors rooted in self-hatred?
This four part defnition of body image has also helped many of my clients
realize just how connected their relationships with food are to their relation-
ships with their bodies. In a recent session, one of my clients refected on
the fact that nourishing her body with regular meals and snacks is far more
challenging on days when she feels uncomfortable in her body. She described
that these feelings of discomfort often lead her to a stream of negative self-talk
directed toward her body, which in turn alters her behaviors around food.
I know this client is not alone in the negative self-talk to restrictive eating
pipeline – in fact, it’s quite common. After all, body discomfort and body
dissatisfaction are two common denominators amongst those who struggle in
their relationships with food.
Body neutrality is one of my favorite concepts to share with clients when
we’re exploring this connection between body image and food behaviors. I’ve
had some clients share that they’re familiar with the idea of body neutrality,
while others are surprised to learn there’s a world that exists between the
extremes of hating and loving your body. No matter their level of familiarity
with the topic, the feedback I hear most often from clients is that working
toward body neutrality feels both refreshing and accessible. For many people,
getting to a place of body love feels frustrating and inaccessible for a number
of different reasons (i.e. internalized weight stigma, history of trauma, living
in a fatphobic world that centers the thin ideal above all else, feeling restricted
by the physical limitations of one’s body, and the list goes on). When we center
body love as the goal, it quickly becomes yet another way to feel as though
we’re failing or falling short on our self-improvement goals. Ironically, our
quest to be kinder to ourselves and practice more self-love often turns into
another reminder of our perceived inadequacy. I’ve had so many clients say,
“I know I should just love my body as it is…but the fact that I’m not there
makes me feel like I’m terrible at this body image work.” If you’ve ever had a
similar thought, you know how defeating this “I’m failing at loving myself”
cycle can feel.
Body neutrality, on the other hand, offers an alternative path to self-care
and acceptance – one that oftentimes feels more authentic, inviting, and
within reach. Instead of centering love and positivity toward your body as
the goal, it shifts the focus away from physical appearance entirely. This shift
opens up space for observation and acknowledgment of your needs, both
physically, mentally, and emotionally. As you learn to acknowledge and honor
these needs without judgment, you can begin to foster a relationship with
your body that’s built on trust and respect – and it’s on this foundation of body
respect that you can work to create a healthy relationship with food. After
all, you do not have to love your body in order to nourish, respect, and care
for it. It’s your home, your vessel for this life, and it deserves daily, adequate
nourishment no matter what.
xii Foreword by Claire Chewning
As I read through the following chapters in preparation for writing this fore-
word, I was blown away by the number of concepts and tools Eleanor presents
that can be used to mend both your relationship with body and, by extension,
your relationship with food. In the coming pages, you’ll fnd an exploration
of the current research on body image, personal anecdotes about mental and
physical healing, as well as an abundance of actionable tools to help you begin
changing how you view and treat your body. Eleanor’s approach is thought-
ful, inviting, and free from the hollow, dismissive, “ just love yourself” advice
that’s so frustratingly common these days. No matter where you are in your
healing journey, I have no doubt that this book will equip you with the tools
and language to begin making your relationships with food and body ones
that are rooted in self-care, not self-control. Welcome to the world of Body
Neutrality.
Claire Chewning is a registered dietitian and Certifed Intuitive Eating Counselor who
works virtually with individuals looking to heal from years of chronic dieting and disordered
eating. You can learn more about Claire and her work on her website ([Link].
com), TikTok, or Instagram (@clairechewning).
1 Introduction to Body
Neutrality

I was frst introduced to the concept of “body neutrality” on Instagram in

2020. As an eating disorder therapist with my own history of body image
struggles and eating disorders, I remember being absolutely struck by the
concept that maybe the solution to body image is not the innate belief in
our attractiveness, but rather to move beyond a position of body emphasis
at all. My mind was blown; no wonder body positivity had not solved all of
our problems. The solution to body obsession cannot be continued body obses-
sion. Interested in learning more, I began scouring Amazon for books about
body neutrality to read on my upcoming fight. To my surprise, options were
limited. The incredible book you will see referenced in this current book
often, More than a Body by Lexie Kite and Lindsay Kite, was not published until
December of 2020. Some authors were ahead of their time and had already
begun sharing their insights and information about solving body image issues
not with messages like “all bodies are beautiful” and “every body is a perfect
body,” but with anecdotes of looking beyond the body for worth and value
altogether. I was instantly all-in, and plans for this book became aggressively
active.
My experience with negative body image and disordered eating began at
a young age. Thanks in large part to the sick society in which we live, my
behaviors were mostly perceived as “healthy eating” by those around me. In
reality, I was engaging in behaviors that suppressed my childlike energy and
increased my body obsession. These behaviors negatively impacted my emo-
tions; within months of my restriction habits beginning, I was having break-
downs that eventually became daily occurrences. I could not pick an outft
in the morning, look in the mirror, complete homework, experience slight
stress, go to bed at night, or be separated from my mom for any length of time
without sobbing, isolating, and panicking. Eventually, I was so debilitated by
my emotional dysregulation and inability to tolerate my body image distress
that I could no longer engage in activities I once loved such as dance, tennis,
and spending time with friends. Between ages 11 and 13, I transitioned from a
child who loved life, creativity, and people to one who spent most of her time
isolated, depressed, and anxious.
This isolation continued for years; my disordered eating became a way
to manipulate and rebel while also masquerading as a comforting friend.

DOI: 10.4324/9781003271369-1
2 Introduction to Body Neutrality
My eventual eating disorder diagnosis was as equally validating as it was
infuriating; so, within a couple of months of outpatient care, I convinced my
parents that I no longer needed therapy. Eventually, my obvious eating dis-
order became more deceptive to both myself and those who loved me. Like
many others’, my eating disorder began hiding behind “health problems.”
I had “medical” excuses for every behavior, which doctors validated for me
with new diagnoses. Their prescribed treatments of elimination diets and
food tracking only made the eating disorder easier to openly engage and
justify. My parents, encouraged by my doctor, helped me eliminate entire
food groups. When my purging behaviors eventually began, they were easy
to blame on the “medical issues” that continued to be justifed and explained
away by doctors. An amazing therapist was willing to confront me, as well as
a dietitian who suspicioned I was “full of it” the entire time I was experiencing
“health issues.” Due to their tough love, I was able to admit that I was strug-
gling with an eating disorder requiring more treatment than I was currently
receiving.
My outpatient team cared enough to hold me accountable by refusing to
treat me until I completed a higher level of care. I received that higher level
of care the summer before college. Experiencing “not sick enough syndrome”
during most of my treatment, I questioned whether or not I even had an eat-
ing disorder throughout the program. Despite my unwillingness to “go deep”
during my time in treatment, I relearned how to eat normally, gave myself
“unconditional permission to eat,” and trusted my body to be at its “set point”
(set point refers to the weight at which your body naturally gravitates in order to function at
its best).
Going to college in the fall presented triggers I had not previously faced,
while also providing community, excitement, and challenges in which I thrived.
I maintained outpatient care as my body image worsened. Unfortunately,
some of my behaviors were the crutch I used to numb my distressing body
image. As I learned more about who I was and who I was created to be during
my sophomore and junior years, I noticed my body image fnally improving
for the frst time in years; the more I embraced life beyond my physical body,
the better my body image became.
I started working at an eating disorder treatment center when I was a senior
in college. This center provided inpatient, residential, and partial hospital-
ization services. I spent my shifts directly with clients providing emotional
support as they ate, participated in therapy, and completed daily tasks. I
worked there throughout the remainder of my senior year and while earning
my masters in clinical mental health counseling. During the last year of grad-
uate school, I facilitated therapeutic groups in conjunction with my regular
shifts. At the time, I also interned as a counselor with a college counseling
center. In March of 2020, with merely two months remaining in my intern-
ship, the COVID-19 pandemic hit the United States. The world seemingly
shut down overnight; this included my graduate school and my internship. As
such, my internship and in-class learning abruptly ended. I aimed to graduate
 Introduction to Body Neutrality 3
early from my program, which would not be possible without completing my
internship. Luckily, the eating disorder treatment center was a healthcare set-
ting deemed essential, and I completed my clinical hours as a group facilita-
tor. Facilitating as many groups as my schedule permitted, I found my passion
as an eating disorder clinician.
I joined the same treatment center as a therapist following my master’s
graduation. One of the most rewarding (but also most diffcult) parts of my job
was helping clients shift their body image away from a deeply negative place.
For many clients, a positive body image feels out of reach; these clients reject
the possibility of ever accepting themselves in a healthy body. By 12 years old,
that was exactly where I found myself, as well. I found my body so disgusting
that I insisted on concealing it inside sweatshirts and long-sleeves. If I could
be my 12-year-old self’s therapist, I would point out that my body distress was
so severe it threatened my health: I wore sweatshirts during heat advisories,
to outdoor summer baseball games, and to intense athletic practices because
these sacrifces outweighed the horrifc possibility of someone seeing my arms.
I recall sweating to the point of feeling dizzy and lightheaded. As concerned
parents encouraged me to remove the sweatshirt, I insisted it was necessary.
One morning that same year I had a casual, “for-fun” tennis tournament
with other club members and wore a ftted tee shirt under my sweatshirt
instead of the loose-ftting, long-sleeve tee shirt to which I was accustomed.
Once I was trapped in the car on my way to the tournament, it dawned on
me that my sweatshirt would feel suffocating in the heat – yet I wouldn’t be
comfortable removing it. Even as my parents motioned for me to take off the
sweatshirt during a match because I was visibly sweating and overheating,
I refused to remove it and instead opted for feeling horribly uncomfortable
throughout the morning. As someone who now loves tennis matches with my
husband, I mourn that body image robbed me of the sport’s joy as a child.
By the time I was 13, I was enslaved by constant comparison to others.
Without fail, every comparison led to the conclusion that I was less worthy
than everyone around me because of my appearance – and specifcally, my
size. This breaks my heart now, as I look back on pictures of myself and only
see an innocent, even cute child, rather than the hideous person I thought I
was at the time. When people learned I struggled with low self-esteem and
poor body image, the typical response was how beautiful or adorable I was;
I see that same response from loved ones of my own clients. We are so con-
ditioned to believe that image is the most important attribute that we try to
convince people we love that they are beautiful rather than considering that image
is possibly one of the least important aspects of life. Every time someone reassured me
by saying, “but you’re so beautiful,” I was further conditioned (1) to need their
validation and (2) to believe physical beauty is of utmost importance. Any time
that I expressed a statement of poor body image or low self-esteem and did
not hear validation, I believed the lack of validation was my unworthiness. I
was addicted to validation from others; I didn’t know it yet, but I was a prime
example of body positivity’s failures.
4 Introduction to Body Neutrality
Social Media and Body Image
Considering how poor my body image was at 13 years old, when the most
advanced technology I could access was my fip phone and eight texts per
month, I cannot imagine enduring those same struggles but with infnite
access to perfectly curated items for comparison. Since research demonstrates
that appearance-focused content on social media directly increases negative
mood and body dissatisfaction, it is no surprise that social media plays a key
role in the development and maintenance of body dissatisfaction and disor-
dered eating. Almost 80% of the US population use social media, having seven
accounts on average; we know that social media, particularly of a photo-based
platform like Instagram, promotes unrealistic beauty standards.
In September of 2021, the Facebook company repeatedly found in its
own research that its Instagram app, specifcally, was harmful to teenagers.
These studies found that, among teens who reported suicidal thoughts, 6%
of American and 13% of British users traced their suicidal experiences to
Instagram. Generally, 32% of teen girls who reported feeling “bad about
their bodies” endorsed that Instagram made it worse, and 14% of boys in the
United States shared that Instagram made them feel “worse about themselves”
(Bursztynsky & Feiner, 2021). Sure, these numbers led to the conclusion from
Facebook that most teen users are not harmed by Instagram, but Facebook also
concluded that the most harmful parts of the app were its key makeup. In this
Facebook report, researchers expressed concern for the “Explore” page on the
Instagram app due to the nature of its design: the Explore page provides users
with curated posts from a variety of accounts that can actually expose the user
to harmful content and exposes the user to the best and most popular pictures,
operating as addictive.
Due in large part to the increasing levels of comparison and insecurity
among social media users, the body positive movement emerged. Body pos-
itivity aims to break dominant appearance ideals and foster acceptance and
respect for bodies of all shapes, sizes, and features. As unrealistic and unat-
tainable appearance ideals are forced upon innocent users through media
images, the body positive movement was a welcome and refreshing stream
of more “normal” shapes and sizes. It empowered plus-sized individuals and
promoted the belief that every body is beautiful and worthy of celebration,
even normalizing features traditionally considered “faws” (Fretas-Ghibaudy,
2021). More signifcantly, the movement encouraged diversity, self-love, and
radical levels of self-acceptance among various sizes, races, and shapes.
The movement exploded in popularity on Instagram, boasting over
17.6 million posts with the “bodypositive” hashtag as of February 2022. Its
strong emergence generated both heavy support and stark criticism from
pop-culture discourse. The benefts were undeniable: individuals histori-
cally pushed aside were fnally represented, and standard expectations were
challenged, all while highlighting diet-culture’s oppression. With plus-sized
bodies becoming more visible and normalized, companies faced pressures to
 Introduction to Body Neutrality 5
“do their part” by committing not to use photo-shop or retouching in pho-
tos and to present more normal-bodied mannequins in stores. Fascinating
research demonstrated that young people experience greater acceptance of
their own individual bodies following exposures to “bodies that do not con-
form to the thin-ideal” (Cohen, Newton-John & Slater, 2020). Further, pos-
itive body image is positively correlated with greater psychological, social,
and emotional well-being. Positive body image also promotes intuitive eating
(eating based on hunger and fullness cues) and protection against diet culture and
negative media exposures.
The body positive movement welcomed necessary change and refreshing
authenticity into markets mostly dominated by thin, white women. Body pos-
itivity’s benefts have been profound in culture and social media. My focus on
body neutrality is not an effort to minimize those benefts or erase the needed
change the movement provided; rather, I choose body neutrality because pos-
itivity toward our physical bodies is not the end-all-be-all to joy and con-
tentment. As Fretas-Ghibaudy wrote, “While [body positivity] has sought to
restore our collective relationships with our bodies, it has not addressed why
we have such broken views of ourselves in the frst place.”
Despite body positivity’s undeniable benefts, there are nonetheless
concerns. One such concern includes the pressure it places upon individu-
als to love their bodies, resulting in guilt when this aspiration feels impos-
sible. This also further reinforces the belief that we must love our bodies to
live a happy life. An additional problem with the body positive movement is
its reinforcement of appearance. Prominent body image researchers question
whether the emphasis of any type on the physical body is counterproductive,
only reinforcing the preoccupation our culture has on appearance (Cohen,
Newton-John & Slater, 2020). Much like photos depicting the “thin-ideal,”
“body-positive posts” on social media have been associated with increased
self-objectifcation compared to posts deemed “appearance-neutral.” It seems
this movement has prescribed the “issue” as the “solution:” emphasis on the
physical body is the issue of body obsession, but body positivity also maintains
body focus as the solution.
Not surprisingly then, body positivity can inadvertently reinforce and perpetuate
preoccupation with physical appearance. Therefore, the discussion of “body neu-
trality versus body positivity” is not actually a competition of which theory is
“better,” but rather which aligns most with your values: Do you want to simply
shift your body-preoccupation from a negative place to a more positive place, or let go of the
body obsession altogether?

Body Neutrality Explained

I have personally chosen to release the enslaving emphasis I once placed on
body image; for this reason, I am enamored with body neutrality. Body
neutrality is fairly self-explanatory: it promotes neither positivity nor negativity
toward the physical body, but rather acceptance of and respect toward it “as it
6 Introduction to Body Neutrality
is.” Contrary to body positivity, body neutrality does not wrestle with concepts
of beauty. Instead, emphasis on physical appearance is tossed altogether. Body
positivity ultimately aims to transform society’s defnition of beauty, while body
neutrality aims to transform society’s values away from a focus on beauty.
Ayla Fretas-Ghibaudy wrote:

Loving your body is not about thinking you look good all the time, it’s
about knowing that your body is worthy of acceptance, respect, and care
no matter what you look like. When your body image is rooted in a neu-
tral space without any pressure on you to love how you look, you can
spend more energy on actually loving your body.

My own practice of body neutrality involves nurturing and nourishing not

just my physical body, but also my mind and soul; I am a whole being worthy
of acceptance and respect separately from my appearance. My body exists as
a vessel of my soul and my purpose in this world, and nothing relating to my
body image has ever been more freeing than that.
This book is for anyone aiming to release the enslaving emphasis they fnd
themselves placing on appearance in a world where that has become inap-
propriately “normal.” I am hoping the book will be easy to read, practical
to use, and insightful for readers actively committed to improving their body
image. I am writing as a woman, but am intentional to ensure men will glean
helpful insights from this book, as well. I acknowledge that many populations
(e.g., middle-aged women, older women, and males) have been alienated by
the body image conversation that mostly focuses on young females; for this
reason, I have tailored both the content and the activities to appeal to all who
struggle with body image. I hope that you, reader, feel included and acknowl-
edged throughout the pages of this book and put it down feeling refreshed and
inspired to pursue freedom from body obsession.

Activities
Throughout this book, I include activities relating to the chapter topic. All
activities have been practiced in a clinical setting with my own clients. Not all
individuals experience the same level of insight from each assignment; do not
feel pressure to have an “aha moment” every time you complete an activity!
Completing the activities is simply a way for you to practice body neutral-
ity as you are learning about it. Hopefully, extending neutrality toward your
body can eventually become a natural way of life. I encourage you to at least
pull out your phone or scratch paper from nearby and jot down some quick
thoughts on the activity before reading on to the next chapter.
Though “something is better than nothing,” I do advise dedicating “space”
to completing these assignments either in a physical journal or in a digital
location such as a Google or Word document, phone application, etc. to doc-
ument “insights” and developments in your body image work. Even if you are
someone that does not love journaling, I encourage having an open mind to
 Introduction to Body Neutrality 7
completing some (ideally, all!) of the activities in this book. You will gain expo-
nentially more from the content if you are willing to refect and document
your thoughts and insights along the way.
Finally, I strongly recommend recruiting an “accountability partner” from
a friend, coach, family member, or clinician who can support you as you gain
insights and learn more about your body image. Ask them to read the book
alongside you or to simply ask you how your body image work is going and
how they can best support you.

Activity #1: Body Neutrality Assessment

The frst activity in this book is to evaluate your current level of body neu-
trality. As we will discuss later in the book, body neutrality is a practice, not a
destination. Therefore, this assessment is to be used to simply note when your
body image changes. My goal with this assessment is never that you “accom-
plish” a “perfect” score; rather, I want you to notice if the score changes by the
end of the book (or over time).
Below are ten statements regarding body neutrality; to evaluate your own
current level of body neutrality, complete the assessment and document the
date and score somewhere in order to take the assessment again at the end of
the book and note any changes.
Read the following statements; below the statement, circle the number that best represents
how much you agree with the statement based on this system:

1 = Totally disagree
2 = Somewhat disagree
3 = Neither disagree or agree
4 = Somewhat agree
5 = Totally agree

1 The way I see myself is consistent throughout the day (i.e., it is the same
before breakfast as when I go to bed).
1 2 3 4 5

2 Having a hard day emotionally is separate from how I feel physically (i.e.,
I can be anxious or depressed without my emotions impacting how I feel about my
physical body).
1 2 3 4 5

3 My identity is separate from what I look like.

1 2 3 4 5