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Reflective Journal

Lincoln Williams

University of Guelph Humber

PSYC* 4160- Mediation and Conflict Resolution

Dr. Nalini Ramlal

March 28, 2025

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​ Week 2​

​ The main conflict in this meeting is about whether Nikki is the right choice for the

full-time therapist position. There are also relational issues, especially between Jim and Celeste,

as well as Karl and Laura, since they feel their opinions are being ignored. The topic goal is

whether or not Nikki should be hired, as the board members have different ideas about how to

fill the position. Relational goals (Course content, 2025) are also present, as team members like

Laura and Celeste feel that their opinions are not respected. This is shown when Laura questions

why they are being asked for input if Jim has already made up his mind. Identity or face-saving

goals are also an issue, especially for Celeste, who feels unheard and disrespected by Jim. Jim,

on the other hand, may feel his authority as director is being challenged. ​

​ Lastly, process goals (Course content, 2025) come into play because the team lacks a

clear decision making process. Some members believe the discussion is open ended, while others

feel the decision was made beforehand. One of the main process issues in this conflict I find

intresting is the compelte lack of clear decision making steps. Jim presents the hiring decision as

if it is open for discussion, but he and Keith seem to have already made up their minds. Many of

the students during the lecture also brought this issue up when discussing the case study, and

because of this, it makes the discussion feel pointless for Laura and Celeste, who wanted a fair

evaluation of the candidates. ​

​ Another issue one of the students brought up which I completely agree with is the way

disagreement is handled. Jim quickly shuts down opposing views instead of encouraging an open

discussion. This creates frustration among the board members and makes it harder to reach a

decision everyone supports. Based on how the conversation is going, it is likely that Jim will

push forward with hiring Nikki despite the concerns raised by Laura, Karl, and Celeste. Jim
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appears to be the most authoritative figure in the meeting, and he has Keith and John supporting

his decision. This opinion is held by most of the class, and Celeste’s opposition may lead to

further tension, possibly causing her to distance herself from the team or even consider quitting

the organization. Laura and Karl may feel that their voices do not matter in the decision making

process, which could hurt team morale in the long run. If this pattern continues, future

discussions may also feel unbalanced, with some members not wanting to speak up.

Week 3​

​ The case study chosen to analyze power dynamics and conflict styles is Steve and Mia’s

situation. This case study shows clear power imbalances between them. Both view their “power

currencies” (Course content, 2025) as separate, and as their relationship worsens, their struggles

over power grow. For example, Mia’s power comes from her role as the family’s main income

earner. On the other hand, Steve’s power comes from caring for their children, as he stopped

working full time to stay home. This imbalance has led Steve to spend Mia’s money without

telling her or make unnecessary purchases when he wants. As a result, Mia questions Steve’s

spending constantly, leading to public arguments where Steve feels treated like a child on an

allowance. There is also clear miscommunication between them. As students in the class

suggested, some of these issues could improve if they avoid discussing money in public to

reduce stress and focus on listening to each other. Effective communication could involve

speaking in a positive tone, since Steve and Mia often talk negatively when it comes to the topic

of money, as well as reflecting each other’s feelings (Course content, 2025). For instance,

clarifying what they hear and ensuring they understand one another would help, as they currently

look like they are just talking past each other instead of trying to understand one another. ​

​ Steve also seems to show a “low-power” dynamic (Course content, 2025). Steve, who
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was once the main breadwinner, now struggles with his new role, possibly seeing Mia as more

powerful. To balance this, highlighting their mutual dependencies could help. For example, Steve

could explain how relying much on Mia’s income, as well as having to explain every little thing

he buys, even for his children affects him as he feels like he has no control, and together they

could find solutions. By openly discussing his feelings, Mia might better understand his

perspective, allowing them to compromise and rebuild trust.

Week 4​

​ The emotional technique I find most useful is mindfulness because, in my experience, it

has worked in every situation compared to expressing anger responsibly or using the XYZ

formula (Course content, 2025). While those are great techniques, they have not always helped

in certain circumstances. For instance, my parents perceive these two techniques negatively, as if

I am trying to argue with them or not listening to what they have to say. On the other hand,

mindfulness has been effective in every situation. ​

​ For example, when my mother constantly asks me to do something while I’m busy,

mindfulness (Course content, 2025) helps me stay aware of her request and understand her

perspective. Instead of yelling or retaliating, I respond with compassion, letting her know I will

complete the task right after I finish what I’m doing. This approach helps her understand my

side, and she allows me to continue my work. Mindfulness is an emotional technique (Course

content, 2025) I would apply in every conflict because, during disagreements, both parties often

ignore each other's feelings due to anger, making effective communication difficult. Having at

least one person remain aware and show compassion, even in emotionally charged moments,

leads to better communication and conflict resolution. ​

​ An imagined scenario where I would use mindfulness is in a future argument with my

significant other, regardless of the topic. In such a situation, both of us would experience a range

of emotions, but mindfulness would be beneficial. I would stay aware of the situation, try to

understand her perspective without disregarding my own feelings, and reflect her emotions while

expressing mine. If she remains upset, I would calmly and patiently talk to her with compassion.

Once she calms down, I would communicate with her about how we can resolve the issue. If she

sees me staying calm and compassionate, she would likely respond similarly, as people tend to

mirror the emotions they experience.

Week 6​

​ During elementary school, I witnessed bullying and its effects on the victim. In grade 7,

there was a girl named Jenny (not her real name) who acted differently from others, but one

specific event triggered her bullying. She brought a spoiled sandwich to class, which caused a

strong odor in the room. Even the teacher complained about it, and from that point on, she

became a target for bullying. Although it wasn’t physical, the other girls in the class would talk

about her behind her back, discussing the incident and other things they found strange. The

situation worsened when some of the boys joined in, laughing at her whenever she walked by.

One of them would even insult her directly in front of everyone. This continued for months, not

all the time, but it happened repeatedly. Eventually, she had enough and told her parents, which

led to the involvement of the principal and homeroom teacher. When confronted, the students

involved either made excuses or denied the accusations, so no one faced any consequences. This

only made things worse for her, as people continued talking behind her back and began labeling

her as a snitch. Even the few students who spoke to her before completely stopped. Shortly after,

she left the school, and there were rumors that she faced similar issues at her new school. Many

factors played a role in this bullying situation. ​

​ The victim was repeatedly subjected to negative actions by multiple students over time.

The teasing was persistent and intentionally harmful (Course content, 2025). There were also

online group chats where students talked badly about her, and although she wasn’t in them, her

only friend informed her. The homeroom teacher and principal were made aware of these chats.

Some students during class pointed out power imbalances between the victim and the bullies,

which made the situation even worse. Another student mentioned that teachers are often

undereducated on how to handle bullying, sometimes making things worse. This was evident in

Jenny’s case, as our homeroom teacher did not notice the bullying for months. Even after finding

out, the action taken did not punish the wrongdoers, which only escalated the situation to the

point where she had to leave the school. ​

​ I would characterize this type of bullying as relational aggression, as it involved

spreading lies, rumors, and withdrawing friendships (Course content, 2025). I should have tried

to mediate the conflict by speaking up, supporting the victim, documenting everything, and

reporting it. I did attempt to talk to her, but she never opened up. As a child, I was afraid of the

consequences of speaking out, and my silence only made things worse. Since nothing was

documented, the teachers and principal had no proof to punish the bullies, so they got away with

it. As for connections to the case studies, in the first case study, Jenny often overheard students

talking about her, but she remained silent. Lies and rumors were spread about her, and although

she was aware of them, she felt powerless to do anything about it.

Week 8​

​ In my opinion, it is possible to be bully-proof. Although I know I am in the minority with

this belief, as many students in class argued that it is impossible to be completely bully-proof.

They pointed out that victims, fearing the stigma of "what would happen if they speak up," often
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feel powerless to stop the bullying themselves. While I understand this perspective, I believe that

by strengthening our minds and emotions, we can develop the resilience to handle these

situations. If we are strong willed and confident, we will have the power to speak up and set

boundaries when faced with bullying. ​

​ I have a personal experience that supports this view. Growing up in the Middle East,

things were quite different compared to here. In Oman, I never really heard about bullying in the

way it is discussed in Canada. If someone made fun of another person, it was usually seen as a

joke rather than an act of bullying. If anything did get out of hand, people would confront each

other directly, and the conflict would typically end there. However, when I moved to Canada, I

experienced a different reality. Because I had an accent, people would constantly make fun of the

way I spoke. At first, it did hurt, especially during elementary school, when my classmates

would frequently tease me about it. But I never let it affect me deeply. Instead of allowing their

words to bring me down, I just saw it as a joke and would ignore it most of the time. If someone

took it too far or was doing it constantly, I would confront them, letting them know that their

behaviour had crossed a line. By doing this, I made it clear that I had boundaries, and people

eventually learned not to push them. Even with these challenges, my experience in elementary

school was positive overall. I had many close friends, some of whom I still keep in touch with

today. Looking back, I realize that if I had allowed the teasing to get to me and never spoken up,

my experience would have been drastically different. I might have felt isolated, lacked

confidence, or even dreaded going to school. However, because I chose to address the situation

directly, I was able to take control of how I was treated.​

​ This is why I believe it is possible to be “bully proof”, not by expecting the world to be

free of bullying, but by developing the strength to face it. Of course, not everyone responds to
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bullying the same way, and I recognize that some situations can be much more severe. But I

think that building resilience, self confidence, and the courage to speak up can help people

handle bullying more effectively. If more individuals are taught to set firm boundaries and assert

themselves, fewer people will feel powerless in these situations. While bullying may never

completely disappear, I believe that by strengthening our minds and emotions, we can protect

ourselves from its adverse effects.

Week 9 ​

​ In the case of Kyle and Kelly, the best approach would be negotiation, specifically

integrative negotiation, along with one of the seven elements of principled negotiation, BATNA

(Course content, 2025). First, integrative negotiation would be effective for their relationship

because, instead of seeing the conflict as having winners and losers, it maximizes both of their

interests. However, this requires ongoing back-and-forth communication from both parties.

Although Kyle and Kelly are not initially on the same page with the wedding invitations, in the

end however, Kyle makes a compromise and helps Kelly, which is a positive sign that he is

willing to listen and adjust when needed for their relationship. It is also important for both of

them to remain positive with each other. Kyle would likely listen better if Kelly approached him

with a more positive attitude, even if she was frustrated. At the same time, Kyle should try to

understand Kelly’s perspective, while the wedding is very important to her, he does not seem to

care as much. ​

​ However, through the integrative negotiation process, they can both gain something

(Course content, 2025). For example, Kelly could tell Kyle that if he puts all his effort into

planning the wedding as quickly and efficiently as possible, she will watch football with him that

weekend. This way, they reach a mutual agreement that benefits both of them and strengthens
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their relationship. Additionally, Kyle and Kelly can apply one of the seven elements of principled

negotiation, BATNA, which stands for the Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement (Course

content, 2025). This means both Kyle and Kelly should work within realistic and fair

commitments by ensuring that what the other person is asking for is reasonable and achievable

(Course content, 2025). Doing so would greatly improve their relationship. For example, in the

agreement above, both of their commitments are practical and fair, ensuring that they each gain

something while also improving their relationship in the long run.​

​ These two strategies, integrative negotiation and BATNA, are the most realistic for Kyle

and Kelly’s situation. Even though they are in conflict, and Kyle initially seems uninterested in

wedding planning, by the end of their conversation, he is willing to help. This is a promising

sign, as it shows that at least one party is open to cooperation, even if they do not care as much

about the issue. Therefore, if the couple uses integrative negotiation along with BATNA, they

can develop practical and realistic solutions for any future conflicts in their relationship. This

approach will help them negotiate effectively with each other, ensuring that both parties benefit

and find a solution that works for them.

Week 10​

1. Analyze the apologies offered in this conversation. In what ways do Marcella and Nathan

follow the criteria for a good apology, according to the chapter?​

​ Neither Marcella nor Nathan’s apologies fully meet the criteria for a good apology

outlined in the course content. A meaningful apology, as discussed, should include

acknowledgment of harm, genuine remorse, accountability, and a commitment to change. Nathan

starts with, “I’m sorry about being a jerk downstairs,” which briefly acknowledges his hurtful

behavior. However, he quickly deflects blame by accusing Marcella of not taking accountability
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for her role in the conflict, “Where’s your apology to me?”. This violates the principle of

admission of responsibility (Course content, 2025). Marcella’s apology, claiming she “said sorry

for bringing the whole thing up”, is defensive and dismissive. She focuses on minimizing the

issue, “It wasn’t even a big deal”, rather than validating Nathan’s feelings and addressing his

hurtful comments. Both apologies lack empathy and fail to create a “dialogic connection”, where

partners deeply acknowledge each other’s pain to rebuild trust (Course content, 2025).

2. In what ways do the apologies need work?​

​ Signify Specific actions and Accountability: Nathan vaguely calls himself a “jerk” but

doesn’t name his actions (e.g., name-calling, threats). Marcella avoids admitting any fault

beyond “bringing it up,” ignoring her role in escalating the conflict. A good apology requires

owning specific harms and taking accountability (Course content, 2025).​

​ Empathy: Both focus on their own feelings, “I’m all worked up”; “You never say sorry”,

instead of showing concern for how their actions hurt the other. They must instead show

forgiveness as a process of mutual understanding (Course content, 2025), which their apologies

lack.​

​ Commitment to change: Neither offers reassurance they will avoid repeating the

behavior. Nathan even justifies his anger, “you deserve my nastiness”, while Marcella instead of

saying something, quietly bottles up her rage by herself. Without a plan to improve, their

apologies feel insincere.

3. Locate the places in the conversation where the direction of conflict could have been turned

into a positive conversation. What could Marcella or Nathan say instead?​

​ There could have been two critical moments that could have shifted the conversation.

Firstly, when Nathan first apologizes: Instead of rejecting his apology, “Now you’re sorry?”
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Marcella could use “I” statements (Hocker et al., 2021, p. 24) to express her hurt calmly: “I felt

really disrespected when you called me names. Can we talk about how to avoid this next time?”

Which is important in dialogue as a way to promote connection with one another (Course

content, 2025).​

​ Secondly, When Nathan asks, “What more do you want?”: Instead of attacking, “You’re

not sorry”, Marcella could clarify her needs, for instance she could have instead said, “I need to

know you understand how your words hurt me and that you’ll try not to do it again.” Nathan

could then validate her by saying, “You’re right, I crossed a line. I’ll work on staying calm, even

when I’m upset.”​

​ Lastly, a third-party mediator (Course content, 2025) could also help. For example, a

mediator might reframe their blame language, like “Let’s focus on solutions, not who’s wrong”,

or encourage active listening. Small changes, like replacing accusations with vulnerability, could

turn their moment of anger into a chance for growth.​

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References​

Ramlal, N. (2025). Perspectives on Conflict. Course Link. ​

https://courselink.uoguelph.ca/d2l/le/content/933918/viewContent/4058877/View

Ramlal, N. (2025). Power: The Structure of Conflict. Course Link. ​

https://courselink.uoguelph.ca/d2l/le/content/933918/viewContent/4064064/View

Ramlal, N. (2025). Chapters 6 & 7. Course Link. ​

https://courselink.uoguelph.ca/d2l/le/content/933918/viewContent/4068918/View

Ramlal, N. (2025). Bullying. Course Link. ​

https://courselink.uoguelph.ca/d2l/le/content/933918/viewContent/4083902/View

Ramlal, N. (2025). Negotiation. Course Link. ​

https://courselink.uoguelph.ca/d2l/le/content/933918/viewContent/4094600/View

Ramlal, N. (2025). Reconciliation and Forgiveness. Course Link. ​

https://courselink.uoguelph.ca/d2l/le/content/933918/viewContent/4101159/View

Hocker, J. L., Berry, K., Wilmot, W.H., Wilmot, W. W. (2018). Interpersonal conflict. New

York, NY: McGraw-Hill Education.

https://books.google.ca/books/about/Interpersonal_Conflict.html?id=cVEDzgEACAAJ&

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