THE SECRET OF

BREAKTHROUGH
CONVERSATION

VIVEK SINGH
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 THE SECRET OF
BREAKTHROUGH
CONVERSATION

VIVEK SINGH
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THREE STORIES
THAT CHANGED
MY LIFE

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STORY ONE

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I was out of job in the year 2002.

I borrowed money from friends to pay for food and rent.

I tried everything to get a job. Nothing worked. My loan

was piling up and hope was diminishing.

So, I decided to give the last shot before I would return to

my hometown from Delhi.

I borrowed three thousand seven hundred and fifty

rupees from my friend Satyam to put a classified Ad in the
Times of India. It was an Ad for call center training
interview.

The next day we received more than five hundred calls.

On the following Sunday, we conducted an interview with
the help of friends and shortlisted ten people for training.

That day Synthesis Consulting was born without money,

office, furniture, computer and bank account.

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Senior Management Team of Landmark Group. I’m in the red tie,
fourth from the left.

In the first month, I earned fifty five thousand six

hundred rupees that was three times my last drawn
salary, training people for communication. Later, I
became head for Training & Development at Landmark
Group.

Learning: Every crisis has the potential to alter your life.

Look for it!

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STORY TWO

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My photography agency was shut down. I was completely
directionless.

Soon, I ran out of savings. The bills started piling up. I

started missing home loan EMIs. The atmosphere at
home was stressful.

Despite the top-notch skill set in the learning domain,

more than a decade of experience and extra-ordinary
network, I felt worthless and hopeless.

My friend Rajeev suggested that I should join an Ad

agency as I had a remarkable skill in content and
creativity.

I called the CEO of a leading agency. When I met, I was

asked, 'What can you do for us?'

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I said, 'Let me work with you and later you decide where I
fit in.'

The next day I had a job, without a salary. I was reporting

to a girl who was a decade younger.
Initially, I was given to do low-skill tasks and was shifted
from one department to another to test my calibre.

After a fortnight, I was told, 'We can pay you 50k!‘

I said, 'I'm in.‘

It was fun to learn and get paid where I had zero

experience.

Two months later, I was given a project to manage the

Prime Minister's communication.

Now my salary multiplied and I was helping the most

powerful man in the country craft his message.

Learning: Stay humble, stay open. Your best might be on

the way.

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STORY THREE

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My travel start up had failed. Our turnover was less than
the rent paid.

It was heartbreaking to see a business collapsing that is

built around your passion and love. I had already started
eating into my FDs and mutual funds.

Finally, we noted: we were doing everything to

everybody and getting lost in the crowd.

So, we decided to shut the shop. But, we still loved giving

experience around travel. Therefore, we brainstormed to
create something that was unique and would get us
noticed.

We crafted 'Art of Hope Tour': An experience to see Delhi

like a local without getting scammed, especially targeted
at foreigners. In the first year of the launch, we ranked
Top 10 'Things to Do in Delhi' on Trip Advisor and
attracted raving reviews.

Later, we were featured in various publications including

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the cover page of the most prestigious India Today magazine.

Over time, we hosted Hollywood celebrities, were invited by

global tour companies and became one of the icons among
local tours in India.

Learning: To make more money than others, position yourself

uniquely.

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Q1: If money is no concern what would you do for
free?
It’s not fair for me to conceal the truth while
millions of people struggle in their career. It’s not
fair for me to stay mum when thousands of people
everyday are losing hope because they cannot get
what they want. It’s not fair for me sleep peacefully
while people are on the verge of committing suicide
because all they see is darkness since nobody told
them to do things in a right way.

If I don’t have to bother about money, I would pack

my bags and travel from city to city, country to
country, continent to continent educating people
how to have powerful conversation and attract
more opportunities than ever be it a career or
relationship. A conversation has the power to
transcend your condition regardless of your how
much money you have in the bank account and how
many people you know. It’s the easiest gateway to
your dreams.

Nothing is more satisfying when you see a manager

speaking to the CEO eye-to-eye and reasoning with
him without feeling insecure about her job. It turns
me on when the person who was never taken
seriously becomes a superstar in three months. I
feel elated when a coach multiplies her income

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three times within sixty days because she is visible and
communicates her message to her audience well. I get
a thrill when a consultant charges double from the
same client because she is able to show him the value
that was never explained.

Q2: What qualifies you to do that and what

differentiates you from the other mentors?

I don’t teach anything that I don’t do. I came from a

small town and had to carve my own tedious path to
high impact communication. Initially, I didn’t have
resources to hire professionals who I could learn
from, so I was forced to find out the unique ways.
Later, as I became more resourceful, I invested in
training with many of the top icons in the areas of
communication, presentation and branding.

I remember when I came to New Delhi in 1997 from

my hometown, I was made fun of for my looks and
speech. The girls would not pay heed to me. I was
there but I was invisible. Soon, I realised that I have
to speak well and become interesting to stand out.
Those days, my friends needed CV to apply for jobs.
I created my first CV and got a better job than my
friends. Later, my bio data was copied by dozens of
friends and I became a CV expert.

Gradually, I developed a knack for identifying the

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special traits in people in minutes which left them in
awe. Later, I acquired the skill to help people
identify their uniqueness and encash it.
Now, many of the CXOs seek my advice in shaping
their communication and leading with authority.

Eventually, I started an HR consulting company and

helped people prepare for interviews. Being a
middleman I got to understand the expectations of
the employers and aspirations of the individuals. As I
dealt with more and more people, I acquired better
sense of what works. I helped my candidates
showcase in a manner that would appear titillating
to the interviewer. A few years down the line while
working with HSBC, I worked as a part of
recruitment team and interviewed hundreds of
people across the country.

Another factor that gives me an edge over others is

my exposure. I connect with a street vendor as
comfortably as I would do to a CEO just because I
have the first hand experience of dealing with them
more than most people.

Plus, over a period of time, I have sharpened my

graphic and editing skills. A photo clicked in a
certain way makes you ordinary while just switching
the angle and setting up the lighting changes the
entire perception. The graphics has a significant role

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in projecting your image and shaping your
perception. Over the years, I have developed
superbly simple ways to help people stand out in
the crowd using the power of the words, imaging
and executive presence. One of the most important
factors to showcase one in a better light is the
content. What you share and how you share leaves
an impression in the minds of those around you.
Many of my poems and messages have gone viral
which is a testimony of my connect with the people.

Q3: How does that make a difference in the lives of

others?

I believe every one has many special qualities yet to

be deciphered and encashed. Our life runs on
autopilot and we barely invest time into self
reflection and identifying what really makes us
stand out. Those who do that move on an
accelerated career path and attract many more
opportunities.

When I speak to people it’s not just about the

number of years spent doing a job. The conversation
is very deep and it brings out what constitutes that
person. As we talk about life, I focus on
psychological, social, academic, interest and family
elements. As the conversation proceeds, you can
clearly see a pattern of success history.

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Once the pattern is identified and acknowledged, it
becomes a cakewalk for chalk out the stories that
will leave the audience hooked and inspired.

Rarely you get to see a person with professional-

level expertise in the area of language, creativity,
graphics, editing, content and psychology. Since
they don’t have to go to multiple people to get this
in order, they are able to fastback their personal
branding journey.

Q4: Share a few successful students results even

if you have to change the names

I have coached more than two hundred people

refine their communication. In the following pages
are a few case studies which will give you insight
about the coaching journey of my clients.

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 Case study -1

From a
Demotivated
Mid-level
Manager
to a Superstar
Leader
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The Situation

Vikram (name changed) was frustrated doing the

same job for the last three and half years and no
hope for any new learning or growth in the current
company. He was aggressively looking for an
opportunity to switch from the current job at a
leading IT company, but had only got
disappointments in the last six months. He would
never come out and greet his colleagues or bosses or
chit chat with anybody beyond transactional
conversation. He felt his job was to get the assigned
work done well and on time so that nobody questions
him. Because of his mediocre communication skills
and forgettable presence, he was taken for granted
on the operations floor.

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Very frequently many of his team members
would also dominate him and put unreasonable
requests which he acquiesced in.

The Problem
In the first conversation, we figured out self worth,
communication and confidence were the major
roadblocks to his growth. He also needed to display
authority at work and demonstrate highest integrity
while dealing with colleagues.

Intervention and Breakthroughs

Although, the structure for delegation existed but it

was rarely followed in his team. When the concerned
team member missed to complete the assignment,
Vikram would do that to meet the timeline and it
added extra-weight to his already tight work
schedule. So, first Vikram worked on his integrity and
the change was sensed in the team. The next week,
he called a meeting and reminded the roles to each
member and also asked them to add a consequence if
they failed to deliver. Now, his job was only to follow
up with them and hold them to account. Gradually,
his authority was visible and the team felt
empowered and accountable while he created time
for doing more important tasks. The experience also
added to his self worth. He deployed various tools like

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context setting, questioning, listening, empathy
etc. while working with his team members. The
next goal was to acquire super-confidence.
Everyday, Vikram was given a task to go out of his
comfort zone and do the things that he feared.
Some of the tasks included:

be the first to greet a colleague, starting casual

conversation with workplace bullies, insisting for
an action even when the other person disagreed
etc. Gradually, he found all his fears were creation
of his own mind.

By end of the second month, he was one of the

most sociable mangers on the floor, frequently
seen chatting with top executives who he feared
even greeting a month back. His frequent
interactions with senior leaders gave him insights
about company’s challenges beyond his
department. Quality was one of the major
concerns for that business unit. He volunteered to
take that up a project which was giving nightmares
to the unit head. He ran a pilot that raised quality
scores from 88 per cent to 97 per cent. The
company decided to set up a separate quality
department and Vikram was given the
responsibility to lead. Now, 27 managers were
reporting to him regarding quality matters.

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In the next few months, he created structures and
processes. He hired people and trained them till the
department was run on auto-pilot. Later, a quality
specialist was hired to lead that team and Vikram
was asked to go back to operations with a
promotion. In between, he received many
acknowledgments and recognition both from his
onshore clients and superiors.

Now, a forgettable employee had turned into an

indispensable leader.

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 Case study -2

How a coach
Tripled her
income &
became the top
brand
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The Situation

Surekha is a life coach and therapist. She has

produced outstanding results with her clients but
struggling financially as she charges low fees. She
has been featured in newspapers but doesn’t have
the confidence to charge a premium because she
fears she might lose the clients. She has a web site
and regularly posts on social media but she doesn’t
get any business through her social media presence.
She has a few testimonials but those do not help in
persuading the clients to give her business. She has
tried working with various content writers and
marketers but none of them have helped her
generate business up to her liking. Her schedule is
filled with public events where she gets a lot of
attention but rarely anybody reaches out to her to
become a client. Surekha has also tried changing her
title a few times to stand out, but that has not been
helpful. She has also done many courses to sharpen
her brand presence and using those strategies have
only left her confused.

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The Problem

Surekha’s communication is not targeted. She uses

the title ‘Life Coach’ that doesn’t give a clue who
she works with and what kind of solution she
provides. Her communication is confusing the
audience. While her clients wish to visit the
specialist, her message doesn’t give them
confidence to pay her premium. Her social media
posts are random thoughts that only helps in her
presence recorded. The engagement of posts is
poor only limited to her friends and family. The
testimonials are not precise and her prospective
clients do not have clue how can they be helped.
Although she has been features in leading
publications but there is no mention of that on her
web site and marketing collaterals. She is afraid
that if she starts charging premium she would lose
even the current clients.

Interventions & Breakthroughs

We started with data crunching and asked Surekha

to make a list of all of the two hundred fifty clients
who she had served. Then she was asked to write
the challenge that each of her clients faced e.g.
depression, relationship issues, parenting etc. By
end of the exercise, she was startled to see that

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seventy eight per cent of her clients sought help
about depression and relationship. Looking at the
data, she was asked to pick one of these two areas
so that she gives clear and precise message to the
audience and she finally picked depression.

Later we guided her to craft a goal statement,

value pyramid and coaching journey. Now she had
absolute clarity about who she was serving and
how she was adding value to her clients. In her
conversations she would clearly show the current
level of her client in coaching journey and she
could show a clear cut roadmap to the destination.

As we had clarity about her niche, we decided to

refine the content and structure of her web site.
All the irrelevant information was removed to
avoid confusion to the visitors and a clear ‘Call to
Action’ was placed on the website.
The visitors who would just browse the site earlier,
now started taking appointments. Since Surekha
had created a system and had clarity about how
she was helping her clients, now her languaging
was sharp. Consequently, her conversion rate shot
up.

As she was gaining confidence, now we guided her

to craft social media content using our ’9-step
Irresistible Messaging’ system which
acknowledged the concerns of her clients

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and she would provide a solution where they could
get results without paying her. As a result, her
message had better traction and that was driving
more targeted audience to her web site leading to
more appointments.

Gradually I advised her to align all her marketing

collaterals (both digital and non-digital) and stick
to communication around her niche. After three
months she had more appointment than she could
handle. As she had limited bandwidth, Surekha
decided to double her fee. As she was not
bothered about losing her existing clients, she
demanded the revised fees if the previous clients
wanted to continue and they agreed to pay
without any resistance.

Within three months, Surekha had doubled the

clients she was working with and had quadrupled
her income by adding power to her personal
brand. Later, she was featured on various media
platforms like Times of India, CNBC Awaaz,
Financial Times, Thrive Global and Medium.

Currently, she is acknowledged as one of the top

life coaches in the country and a flag bearer for
fight against depression in India.

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 Case study -3

How a techie
Regained
confidence and
Fast-tracked
his career
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The Situation

Raman works in a global IT company based in

Chennai. He leads a team of 15 engineers who serve
the client headquartered in the USA. Recently,
Raman presented to the onshore partners and he
goofed up the presentation that left the entire
Indian management red-faced. As a result, the
manager put him on ‘Personal Development Plan
(PDP) which has the reputation of being considered
a punishment contrary to its name. Raman has also
been restrained from entering any meeting with the
overseas partners and has been asked only to focus
on his technical job which he is considered good at.
Raman has become the talking point on the
operations floor. He is an object of sarcasm for rivals
and dumping ground for his manager.

Raman is extremely demotivated and frustrated. His

lack of motivation reflects in the engagement with
team members who frequently cross the hierarchy.

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On many occasions, they do not even copy the
inter-department emails to Raman despite his
multiple reminders. He has become a rubber
stamp manager with a set of team members.
Rating Raman’s personal brand equity zero would
be overstatement. He is being undermined on all
fronts and stripped off the respect and
opportunities that he genuinely deservers. He is
considered an insignificant business manager who
can be dispensed with anytime.

The Problem

Raman was an introvert and he never made an

effort to invest in his personal brand. He has been
sailing through the corporate ladder as the luck and
surroundings directed him. His work is limited to
doing the assigned task by the manager and
following the routine essentials assigned to him. His
aspirations are not defined therefore he doesn’t
have a roadmap to project a specific image. He
never took a stand for anybody be it a team
member or a peer and he feels lonely in the time of
crisis as nobody is there to stand by him. After the
presentation goof up, he did not take any action to
reinstate the loss and kept sulking and accepting the
browbeats. He feels powerless while his team
members disobey him and is clueless about how to
handle the situation. He doesn’t have the courage

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to approach the manager and seek her support to
execute ‘Personal Development Plan’ effectively.
He is playing the victim card that gives him an
excuse not to take any action.

Interventions & Breakthroughs

As I got to know Raman’s story, within minutes I

spotted his blind spots. My question was to
understand if he wished to stay like a dumping pit or
deal powerfully with the situation. His answer was, ‘I
hate it being undermined. The least I deserve is the
credit and respect for what I deliver.’ He committed
to make a difference into his brand image at the
workplace.

Initially I noticed Raman had problem with

expression. He would rather prefer to sulk and crib
than to go and discuss the matter and seek a
resolution. In order to restore his confidence and
give him hope it was pertinent to create a powerful
vision. We sat together and designed his dream
professional avatar. We listed all the attitude, skills
and knowledge required to become that person. We
also listed the benefits and consequences after
achieving the goal and check his openness and
willingness to pursue that.

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The most important thing was to restore his
confidence. I gave him a set of affirmations and
guided him to practice them at a certain
frequency. He followed that sincerely and within
days, he felt his space shifting. In the second week
we started working on his physiology especially his
eye contact, gait, and body part movement in
conversations. He was trained to project the non-
verbal message powerfully. Gradually he
experienced people were paying attention to him
and he was able to put forth his case. Later that
month we also worked on his commonly
mispronounced words and grammatical errors.
Now he was dealing powerfully with his colleagues
and had been taking steps with restore his lost
credibility.

In the following month I trained him for

visualisation. In the following weeks we also
coached him for effective listening, persuasion,
languaging, setting context, asking questions and
holding people accountable. As he implemented
these concepts, he developed a better control
over his team and he started representing as a
leader.

Later I also coached him on scheduling and

prioritising which helps him optimise his work
timing.

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In one of the coaching conversations he shared the
desire of going to the US and working at the
headquarters. In between, an Internal Job Posting
(IJP) arrived. We pushed him to seek his manager’s
permission to apply for it which he did. The
manager gave her consent for IJP, which was
based in the USA. I helped him discover his skills
and experience and we matched that to the job
requirement. His application was accepted and we
completed his first round successfully.

By now, Raman was seen as a pro-active

forthcoming leader who takes a stand for his team
and has an independent viewpoint. The line
manager was impressed with his transformation
and was looking upto him for inputs on critical
matters. His personal brand equity was completely
altered.

Later we trained him on expanding his circle of

influence and instilled the power of contribution.
Raman could visualise his place in bigger schedule
of things and was acting as a valuable contributor.

He underwent three rounds of interview, and

surpassed all the candidates. In the final round, he
was surprised. In contrary to his expectations, he
was offered a position two levels above his current
role to which he said ‘yes.’

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Within 100 days of coaching engagement he was
looked upon as a promising leader and was offered
to lead a team based in the USA two levels above
his current level at seven times his current salary.

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Q5: Is there anyone who will not succeed as a result
of your proven process, technique, tool or system?

My system has been used over and over and has

produced result consistently. The only thing
required is commitment. If s person is committed
and performs as asked, failing is out of question,
though the timelines of result may vary.

Before I teach anything, I put that through rigorous

test and implement myself. Once I find it foolproof I
share with my clients. Everything in my system is
time-tested and proven, so I can’t see anybody
failing who sincerely implements it.

One can fail only if she deliberately sabotages to

prove me wrong.

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Q6: Precisely what do you transfer to others that
saves them 15-30 years of learning curve?

I lost my father when I was nine years old, so very

early I acquired the skill of get my job done
independently as I had virtually no option for
survival. I started taking responsibility quite early
and almost self-funded my entire education. So, my
hardships forced me to find out the fastest and
extra ordinary ways to solve problems. Therefore,
none of the things I share is bookish and theoretical.
It’s based on real life experience, tested in real time
and acquired working with real people.

Secondly, I have experienced unparalleled diversity

in my life. From understanding family politics in my
village to managing boardroom equations in MNCs,
from accelerating my career at unfathomable pace
to guiding the Prime Minister to craft his message to
the masses, my life is nothing less than a Hollywood
blockbuster. It’s like ten-normal lives rolled into one.

Lastly, I work on my craft everyday. I make sure my

coaching is aligned to the latest world-class tools,
systems and processes. That help me stay ahead of
the pack and add outstanding value to my clients.

My system offers them three things:

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ONE STOP SOLUTION
One of the biggest mistakes people commit to visit
many people to find the same solution. That is a
time consuming process and you end up wasting a
lot of time in experimentation. Since I have
committed that mistake, I don’t want you to repeat
that and lose decades.

I have learnt from the top marketers on the planet

and keep updating my toolkit on regular basis. All
that you need to do is to follow the system.

FAST TRACK RESULTS

For me theory doesn’t work. I’m impatient and can’t
wait for months for results. Immediate result is
important for me and I have planned the course
accordingly. You would generate fast result week
after week to stay motivated.

SIMPLE ACTIONABLE STEPS

I hate complexity and as our attention span is falling
every passing year, we need to simplify the process
for them to work for people. I have broken down
complex structures into small consumable chunks
which can be implemented easily even if you have
negligible technical skills. It’s as simple as giving you
a set of alphabet and asking you to make three
letter words.
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THE SECRET OF
BREAKTHROGH
CONVERSATION

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 LISTENING

QUESTIONING

CHARISMA

THE CONVERSATION CIRCLE

Does it ever happen that when you are talking and people
lose interest? In the middle of your conversation, they
start scrolling mobile phones and get distracted. It looks
as if they want to run away from you. Did you experience
that you are talking and somebody interrupts you
frequently and the conversation abruptly? Have you ever
felt that you are not getting enough space to express your
point of view while talking? Do you feel that despite
trying hard and doing everything you are unable to get a
yes?

If answer to any of these is ‘Yes’ then you are at the right

place.

Let’s talk about three most important components of the

conversation cycle: listening, questioning and charisma

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Listening is the bedrock of any conversation, questioning
helps you dive deep inside the mind of your partner and
Charisma builds authority and directs you to lead a
conversation powerfully.

Let me ask you: If a tree falls in the forest, will that make a
sound when nobody is present? No. Though it will create
some waves in the air, for it to be called sound one has to
be present. So, listening happens only when you are
present.

It’s like a dance when you are in tandem with each other
at every move while both of you are having fun. It’s like
exchanging flowers to create a beautiful bouquet
together.

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 LISTENING

QUESTIONING

CHARISMA

THE CONVERSATION CIRCLE PART 1: LISTENING

Let me ask you: If a tree falls in the forest, will that make a
sound when nobody is present? No. Though it will create
some waves in the air, for it to be called sound one has to
be present. So, listening happens only when you are
present.

It’s like a dance when you are in tandem with each other
at every move while both of you are having fun. It’s like
exchanging flowers to create a beautiful bouquet
together.

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 3 REASONS YOU MUST LISTEN

1. UNDERSTAND:

To get any result, you first need to understand the

person and the situation. Our deepest desire is to be
understood and acknowledged. Listening creates a
space for that. When you listen in authentic manner,
you get to to where you want to be much faster and
the journey is delightful for both the partners.

2. CONNECT:

It helps connect as a human being we get to

understand their fears the frustrations, their desires,
insecurities, their challenges, aspirations, and
temperament. So, when we display authentic
listening it gives us access to a whole new world of
your partner. you connect to them in unprecedented
manner, your bonding deepens, your trust amplifies
and you are seen as a person who truly cares about
others.

2. PERSUADE:

The biggest factor your success depends on is your

ability to persuade. When you listen to people, you
get to understand them. You generate trust, you are
able to connect with others at the deepest level and
that helps you getting a yes effortlessly. Whether
you are into sales or you want a promotion or you
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want the board of directors to buy your idea or at
home you want your children to obey you or you want
depth and intimacy with your spouse, listening is going
to be the starting point for all of that.

In a world where we are distracted by social media, to

do list, phone calls and whatsApp message, we barely
listen. If I ask you to think of the time when you had a
deep, intimate and meaningful conversation the last
time, you will find it difficult to recollect.

Generally we listen to the words or at best the tone.

That’s the reason our projects are delayed,
relationship is fractured and have to follow up many
times even to get the smallest things done. So, how
can you listen differently?

WORD + TONE

ORDINARY LISTENING

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 WORD + TONE
BODY LANGUAGE
EMOTIONS
FEELINGS
NEEDS
WANTS
DESIRES
DREAMS
FEARS
INSECURITIES

AUTHENTIC LISTENING

When you practice authentic listening not only you

listen to the words and the tone. You dive deep, you
go inside the mind of your partner, you try to unravel
their fears, their aspirations, dreams, their desires,
insecurities. You also take into account the twinkle in
their eyes, gestures, postures, change in skin tone and
shift in energy.

Here, you not only get what is said, but also the
unsaid. And to get further clarity, you bring out the
unsaid and come to the same level of understanding.

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 FOCAL POINT

ME
ORDINARY LISTENING

In the ordinary listening, the focal point of

conversation is ‘ME’ my target…my benefit, my time,
my priority, my interest, my engagement

YOU
AUTHENTIC LISTENING

When you display authentic listening, the focal point

shifts to your partner. Their priority, their pain, their
dreams, their desires and their expectations.

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In order to experience an authentic listening and
course correct the conversation, you need to switch to
helicopter view every few minutes.

HELICOPTER VIEW

The helicopter view is summarised as DATA

D DETAILS

A ASSUMPTION

T TRIGGERS

A AGENDA

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 DETAILS

How frequently in the conversation you get lost the

details?

You keep sharing what’s irrelevant and you flow into

the sea of confusion and yourself get clueless. In this
case, you need to keep a check and see whether the
details are helping you move forward in the
conversation towards a goal. If not interrupt the
person politely and bring the conversation back on
track.

ASSUMPTIONS

Our life is driven by assumptions and judgements. We

have assumption for everything including ourselves.
Imagine the last time you had not completed the
assignment and your boss called. Forget listening, you
didn’t even receive the call assuming it was a reminder
while later you realised it was something else. In the
conversation, set aside any kind of assumption. Only
when you remove the coloured glasses, you get to see
the true picture.

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 TRIGGERS

When you're talking on sensitive matters or having

conversation about something that you dislike
possibility is that you will use your mind. I want you to
imagine the last time you got triggered and what were
the consequences.

On many occasions your opponent is aware of his

weakness and he uses a this as a tool to put you down.

Therefore it's important to zoom out of the situation

and keep a tab on your triggers. Ask yourself that are
you in your best state of mind or losing your
composure?

If someone tries to incite you, be mindful about the

verbal cues, notice the patterns and imagine what
could be their intention of doing that.

AGENDA

Our life is driven by assumptions and judgements. We

have assumption for everything including ourselves.

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Imagine the last time you had not completed the
assignment and your boss called from the office.
Forget listening, you didn’t even receive the call
assuming it was a reminder while later you realised it
was something else. In the conversation, set aside any
kind of assumption. Only when you remove the
coloured glasses, you get to see the true picture.

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 INTERNAL COMMENTARY

A massive barrier to listening is the internal

commentary going on while conversation is in
progress. Generally this commentary is about
judgement and it clouds our listening. So, whenever
this commentary starts, be aware of it pitfalls and shut
it up it immediately.

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 EXERCISE

As this happens

I will stop

I will start

Now, I want you to reflect what goes wrong while you

listen. Make a note of what you can improve on and
write down:

In this situation, I will stop doing this this this and I will
start doing that that that.

For example, if you keep scrolling your phone while

talking, write down: while in conversation I will stop
scrolling my phone and start to give undivided
attention to my listening partner.

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 LISTENING

QUESTIONING

CHARISMA

THE CONVERSATION CIRCLE PART 2: QUESTIONING

On how many occasions at the end of a conversation

you felt empowered, energized and you could see
yourself on the way to success. There also must have
been the conversations where you felt frustrated,
disillusioned, de-motivated and demoralized.
Questions have a key role to play in the experience
that would you have after an interaction.

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 CONVERSATION FOCUS

In his book ‘Quiet Leadership’ David Rock has talked in

depth about the focus in conversation. Broadly the
focus of conversation can be divided into five
categories: drama, problem, detail, planning and vision

VISION

PLANNING

DETAIL

PROBLEM

DRAMA

Source: Quiet Leadership by David Rock

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 VISION

PLANNING

DETAIL

PROBLEM

DRAMA

I want you to think of an interaction where your

partner started shouting, created a scene, blamed
everyone else and made you extremely uncomfortable
and ended in sour taste. That interaction was drama
focused. In these cases, the intention is to attract
attention, avoid responsibility, generate sympathy and
pass the blame.

The second one is problem focus. I went to a

counsellor. She wanted to know what’s all wrong in my
life. She keep asking spiral of questions around who
did what? Whose mistake it was? Focus on the
problem was so overwhelming that we ended up
getting lost into it with no outcome.

Drama and Problem focus conversations lead to waste

of time and drain of energy without achieving any
positive outcome. Hence, they are considered inferior
quality conversations.

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 VISION

PLANNING

DETAIL

PROBLEM

DRAMA

When you focus on vision, that talks about the future

setting aside the past. It tells you what can you do to
make things better without feeling guilty of things
gone wrong. Therefore, focus on vision makes a
conversation inspiring.

Here are the examples of questions which focuses on

vision:

Where do you see yourself when you accomplish this

goal?
After you achieve that, what difference that will make
to your career?
Could you paint the picture of the ideal outcome?

How would you take the vision forward, of course by

‘Planning.’ Planning talks about the steps you would

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take to move towards the vision. For example:

What plan do you have to achieve those goals?

What can we do to ensure success in this area?
How clear is your plan? You would notice, these
questions are empowering too.

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 STARTING A CONVERSATION

People are usually clueless about how to start the

conversation. what's the first thing that you would ask
that would attract interesting response from people,
that would empower them, that would make them
feel that you care for them plus that will also put you
into position of power. Let’s call it a conversation
starter.

What’s on your mind?

This question is inspired by Facebook. We usually ask

this question when somebody comes to you seeking
help. This brings your partner down to the current
moment and prompts them to share their concern.
This question is also called a coaching question
because you use this to help them get insight into their
situation and develop clarity. If you lead a team, this
could be the perfect starter of your conversation.

Whatever the answer be, that would fall into one of

these three categories project, people or pattern. Your
job is to identify which category the response falls in
before you move to the next step.

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 PROJECT
When the question is related to ongoing work

PEOPLE
When the question is related to one of the people
you are working with

PATTERN
When the question is related a behaviour pattern

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 THE AWE QUESTION

Rarely it happens that you ask a question and your

partner comes with the perfect response the first time.
Before they hit the nail, they need a nudge and when
you ask ‘and what else’ you give them space to think
deeper, you offer the opportunity to refine their
thinking and the next time they come back to you with
more accurate details. It is recommended that you ask
AWE question two to three times. If it gets repetitive,
you can wrap it by asking: Is there anything else you
want to add?

...And what else?

AWE question also comes to the rescue when you feel

clueless in the conversation. You don't have the
response ready, you need a bit of thinking time,
instead of giving a random answer. When you ask
them ‘and what else’ you create time to frame a
suitable response without letting your partner know
about your struggle.

THE PINPOINT QUESTION

When you ask the pinpoint question, it creates

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awareness in your partner about what she is looking
for while it gives you clarity about how she could be
helped. The pinpoint question is:

What really matters to you?

THE HELP QUESTION

At this stage, we usually have the irresistible urge to

give an advice. Hold on!

Quite often you gave an advice but your conversation

partner didn’t see value in it and she didn’t act upon it
and you felt devalued and disrespected.

How can I help?

When you ask this, you know exactly how your

partner wants to be helped.

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 THE CAUTION QUESTION

What’s your reaction when someone starts a question

with ‘WHY?’ ‘Why are you here?’ ‘Why have you not
done it?’ ‘Why are you delaying?’

You instantly feel challenged and threatened,

therefore I call it ‘The caution question?’

Stop asking questions with ‘Why’

WHY WHAT
Instead, convert those questions into ‘what
questions?’

Instead of asking: ‘Why haven’t you done it?’ ask:

‘What has caused the delay?’
Another example: ‘Why are you standing here?’ ask
‘What has brought you here?’

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 EXERCISE

As this happens

I will stop

I will start

Now, write down what goes wrong when you ask

question. Make a note of the situation, what you will
stop doing and what you will start.

The series of questions mentioned in this section has

been picked from the book ‘The Coaching Habit’ by
Michael Bungay Stanier.

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 LISTENING

QUESTIONING

CHARISMA

THE CONVERSATION CIRCLE PART 3: CHARISMA

Have you noticed, in parties and social gatherings, few

people attract all attention and respect while everyone
is hovering around them. They are seen driving the
conversations, they are the charismatic people. An
eclectic combination of authority, warmth and
presence is called charisma.

When you are charismatic you have an upper hand in

the conversation. You direct the agenda and the
outcome. Therefore Charisma has a pivotal role to play
while leading the conversations powerfully.

To understand charisma, let’s first understand the

science of influence.

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 THE SCIENCE OF INFLUENCE

. There are four pointers that influence how our brain

reads a situation. They are summarised as TERA

T TRIBE

E EXPECTATIONS

R RANK

A AUTONOMY

TRIBE

In an interaction every few minutes human being keep

evaluation whether you are ‘with me’ or ‘against me’
‘friend’ or a ‘enemy’ That’s how our forefathers grew
up and we carry the same tribal mindset.

Once you give them a feeling that you are a friend not
a threat, the trust shoots up and connect deepens.
This is the reason you like meeting people who make
you feel special and valued.

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EXPECTATIONS

In a meeting, the next thing that you evaluate is:

Whether she can help me? Can I foresee the future in
a nice way?

If you get a feeling that your partner can help you, you
will get a reason to like that person. I deal with a lot of
celebrities and politicians, they have this amazing art
of giving you hope that they would stand by you when
you need them. Ask for anything to a politician and
they never say ‘No.’

RANK

The third thing what people keep evaluating in a

conversation is: ‘Am I more important or less
important?’ ‘Who is superior’ ‘Who is inferior’ So, if
you want to win people, never put them down.

AUTONOMY

And the fourth thing they ask is: Do I have a choice or

not? When you feel you have a choice, the place
becomes safe for you hence leads to higher
engagement.

Keep these four things in mind while having

conversation and you will end up creating a band of
raving fans wherever you go.

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 THE CHARISMA PUZZLE

P PACE & PAUSE

E EYE CONTACT

N NOD

T TONE

Let’s solve the charisma puzzle now. Practising these

four things will instantly give you power and display
your authority.

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 PACE & PAUSE

Slow down your pace

deliberately. The powerful

P
people have a feeling that the
world can wait for them and
they don’t hesitate in displaying
it. When you slow down, you

E
are in better control of your
words, body language and
response. This gives you and
edge over others.

N Secondly, after your partner

completes, don’t be in hurry to
respond. Take a two second

T
pause. Make them feel that you
have got the point and then
respond. The pause gives them
a feeling that you value them
and take them seriously. Plus it
also shows that you have
processed the message
completely.

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 EYE CONTACT

Maintain a regular and polite

P
eye contact. Be observant
about the twinkle in your
partner’s eyes. Looking into the
eye gives you access to what’s

E going in your partners mind. If

they are distracted and
confused, you get a clue to
course correct.

N
T

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 NOD

The third piece of the puzzle is:

P
Nod. One of the best ways to
display authority is to limit the
physical movement including
the head. When you nod

E frequently, it shows you are

servile and sycophant.
Therefore, reduce your nodding
to appear in authority.

N
T

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 TONE

And finally Tone. I want you to

P
go back to your last air travel
and recollect how the flight
steward and the pilot spoke.
A flight steward’s tone exudes

E warmth and openness to

availability for help. In
comparison, a pilot uses falling
tone to display his authority.

N I want you to think of someone

in authority and be mindful
about their tone. If you watch

T television next time, be mindful

of the tone of the prime
minister or president. You will
always see them using falling
tone.

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 THE CHARISMA BOOSTER

Now, let me put a cherry on the cake. If you want to

add more power to your charisma, practise
mindfulness. It brings you to the present moment, to
do that follow the 3 simple steps:
1. Close eyes and practise abdominal breathing.
When you inhale your abdomen should expand
and when you exhale it must contract. This
helps in managing anxiety.

2. 2. Imagine your ears are satellite dishes. Now

you try to catch every sound around you. Do this
for 15-20 seconds and finally

3. 3. Bring all of your attention to your toes. Keep

your focus there for a while and open the eyes.

This barely takes 2 minutes but creates a powerful

space for your conversation.

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 EXERCISE

As this happens

I will stop

I will start

Now, write down what goes wrong when you interact

with people. Make a note of the situation, also write
what you will stop doing and what you will start new.

‘The Charisma Booster’ technique has been picked

from the book ‘The Charisma Myth’ by Olivia Fox
Cabane.

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 FINDING A GREAT MENTOR

If you want to be on a fast track to high impact

speaking, it’s worth considering to work with a
mentor.

You would have attended many training programs and

you still struggle because, usually after a week you go
back to business and hardly remember anything, so
you need somebody who holds you accountable and
makes sure that you deliver. That saves a lot of time
and frustration.

Now the question is: with so many coaches claiming

overnight results, how would you know who is the
right fit for you. Here are the six standards:

STEP BY STEP SYSTEM

SUPPORT & ACCOUNTABILITY

MINDSET & PRFORMANCE COACHING

CLIENTS TESTIMONIALS

COMPLETE FRAMEWORK

MINDSET & PRFORMANCE COACHING

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 THE FINAL WORD

The secret of breakthrough result is consistent

practice.

All the tools shared in this book are going to be useful

only if you practice till you naturalise them. A practical
way to start is: Pick a tool, practice it for 21 days
before jumping to the next one.

In the process, be ready to stumble and have a plan to

course correct on the way.

If you wish to experience a breakthrough in your

communication and charisma, you can reach out to me
at:

Web site: https://highimpacttalks.com/

Email”: [email protected]
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/thevivekspeaks

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