UNDERSTANDING

CONFLICT
Chapter 12
Personal Development
Objectives:
At the end of the lesson, you are expected to:
• appreciate that conflict is a fact of life and a key ingredient in human
interaction;
• understand the nature of conflict and how interpersonal relationships are
affected by it;
• develop a positive attitude about conflict as important to personal
development; and
• learn one’s conflict management style and apply this in his or her day to day
living.
 What is your
understanding of a
conflict?
 What do you think
makes conflict happen?
What is conflict?
• Conflict is the dynamics when two or more people,
organizations, or nations perceive one another as a
threat to their needs or interests.
• Conflict is a perceived incompatibility of actions or
goals between people or nations and happens
when there is an imbalance between concern for
oneself and those of others.
The Nature of Conflict
•Conflict inflicts so much pain and negative
emotions on those involved. Reasoning is
often clouded and miscommunication
occurs especially at the height of an
emotional argument when words are
exchanged to inflict harm on the other.
The Nature of Conflict
• Conflict is started by what is known as a “triggering
event”, which happens when act of one party is
perceived as a threat by the other party. The
triggering event produces a threatening feeling on
the other party and this is often followed by a strong
negative emotion like anger or contempt. An angry
individual, group, or organization will then act out
this anger and will retaliate against other party.
Conflict Stages
• Conflict can happen anywhere whenever there
are people.
• Conflict may also involve just yourself, such not
being able to decide whether to study or not for
a test so you can be with your friends, or getting
conflict with the law.
• Conflict also happens between groups and
nations.
Conflict Stages
•According to the United Nations Economic
and Social Commission for Asia and the
Pacific (ESCAP) publication on Conflict
Negotiation Skills for Youth (2003), there are
four stages of conflict that do not necessarily
happen exclusively at any single time, but
may happen simultaneously;
Conflict Stages

1. Intrapersonal – with oneself, like when

one is indecisive about things
2. Interpersonal – among two or more
individuals, like having a
misunderstanding between friends,
family members, or lovers
Conflict Stages

3. Intragroup – within the same

interest group, like a student
organization
4. Intergroup – between two or more
groups, like fraternities
Responses to Conflict
• Faced with a conflict situation, human beings often
choose between two types of responses, flight or
fight.
• For a flight response, there are several types of
behavior involved: avoidance, ignoring, or denial.
• Avoidance means to evade or dodge the cause of
the strong emotion or uneasiness one feels for
another person who is in conflict with you.
Responses to Conflict
• Ignoring is when you are in the same place as the
other person you are in conflict with, and you
disregard and snub his or her presence.
• Denying means when someone asks you if you are
quarreling or in disagreement with the person you
are in conflict with and you disagree or refute the
comment or observation.
Responses to Conflict
• Facing conflict involves several types of behavior. One is
to directly confront the other person and engage in a
peaceful dialogue. However, when emotions are running
high, violent behavior usually occurs, such as the use of
foul language, physical harm, verbal threats, ostracizing
the other party in public, spreading rumors to destroy the
other person’s reputation, filing a lawsuit against the
other party, and in case labor groups, picketing or going
on strike.
Responses to Conflict
•In the book, Mediation for Managers:
Resolving Conflict and Rebuilding
Relationship at work by John Crawley and
Katherine Graham (2002;2007), the authors
identified four strategies that people can
use when in conflict in the workplace:
Responses to Conflict

1. Fight – force the other party to

accept a stand that is against that
party’s interest
2. Submit – yield to the demands of the
other party and agree to end the
conflict
Responses to Conflict

3. Flee – leave the situation where the

conflict is occurring or change the topic
4. Freeze – do nothing and just wait for
the other party’s next move or allow
the pressure to build up
What Creates Conflict?
• Conflicts may arise due to the following (Myers,
2013)
1. Competing for scarce or limited resources
such as time, jobs, foods, natural resources, and
even love and affection within the family or
personal relationships.
2. Disagreement over the interpretation of facts
or information.
What Creates Conflict?

3. Perceiving threats to one’s own

needs and interests
4. Perceiving unjust treatment
caused by another person or entity
5. Miscommunication between
parties
What Creates Conflict?

6. Misjudging another person’s or

group’s belief systems born out of
prejudice or bias
7. Exhibiting behaviors that are
destructive to another person’s
well- being or reputation
Causes of Conflict
•According to Christopher W. Moore in his
book, The Mediation Process: Practical
Strategies for Resolving Conflict (1996),
there are five causes of conflict;
relationship, data, interest, structural,
and values.
 Causes of Conflict
Causes of Relationship Causes of Values Causes of Structural Causes of Interest Causes of Data
Conflicts Conflicts Conflicts Conflicts Conflicts

1. Miscommunications 1. Different ways 1. Unequal authority 1. Perceived or actual 1. Lack of information

of life, ideology, competition over
and worldview, interests
among others
2. Strong Emotions 2. Different 2. Unequal control of 2. Procedural 2. Misinformation
criteria for resources interests
evaluating ideas
3. Stereotyping 3. Time constraints 3. Psychological 3. Differing views on
interests data’s relevance
4. Repetitive negative 4. Different
behavior interpretations of
data
Costs of Conflict
• Conflict may decrease one’s self-confidence, doubt
one’s self-worth, and even question one’s values .
• When nations are in conflict, the costs are
oftentimes higher, such as disrupted lives,
destruction of life and property, and human misery,
as people of warring nations experience
displacement, hunger, disease, and eventual death.
Costs of Conflict
• In work organizations, conflict results in
expensive litigations, decreased productivity as
people are burdened by the strong emotions
involved when in conflict, and poor working
relationships resulting in the breakdown of
organizational teamwork (Crawley & Graham,
2002).
Positive Effects of Conflicts
• Not every conflict has to end up with negative results.
When a conflict is viewed as a positive and necessary
factor in the development of individuals or groups, it can
lead to more growth and deepening of relationships.
• Personal relationship, as well as work relationships that
are in conflict, can be resolved through genuine
communication and healthy dialogue, trust, respect, and
caring.
Positive Effects of Conflicts

•Relationships often grow deeper and

more satisfying because it:
•allows for issues to surface;
•raises the awareness of both parties’
needs;
•allows emotions to be expressed;
Positive Effects of Conflicts
•understands and accepts the uniqueness
and differences of other people;
•strengthens the resolve of the parties to
pursue common goals; and
•encourages dialogue and empowerment.
(Crawley & Graham, 2002)
Conflict Management Styles
• Dr. Ken Thomas and Dr. Ralph Kilmann, professors
of management from the University of Pittsburgh,
developed what is now popularly known as the
Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode instrument to help
people understand how they deal with conflict by
measuring a person’s behavior in conflict and
situations.
Conflict Management Styles
• According to Thomas and Kilmann (2008), there are
two dimensions to this conflict-handling behavior;
assertiveness or the extent to which a person will
try to satisfy his or her own needs or interests, and
cooperativeness or the extent to which a person
will attempt to satisfy the other person’s needs or
interests.
Conflict Management Styles
• Based on these two dimension, there are five modes in dealing
with conflict.
1. Competing – is assertive and uncooperative. An individual’s
interests are above all else; power and authority are often used to
win against others.
2. Accommodating – is unassertive and cooperative. An individual
is willing to neglect his or her interests or needs for the sake of the
other person, yielding one’s position and allowing the other to
pursue his or her position at the other’s expense.
Conflict Management Styles
3. Compromising – is moderately assertive and
moderately cooperative. An individual is neither here nor
there; prefers to split whatever is at stake in half to party
satisfy both parties just to get over the problem.
4. Avoiding – is unassertive and uncooperative. The
individual prefers to stay out of the situation either by
postponing a decision, taking a wait-and-see position, or
withdrawing completely until conditions are better.
Conflict Management Styles
5. Collaborating – is assertive and cooperative. The
individual seeks a mutually satisfying solution by
understanding the needs and interests of the other
person, and expanding the resources rather than
competing over them; seeks a win-win solution.
Negotiating through a Personal Conflict
Situation
• As an adolescent, what do you need to understand,
remember, and do when dealing with conflict? Keep in mind
the following steps when trying to negotiate or resolve a
personal conflict.
1. Understand the nature of the conflict. Is the conflict caused
by someone else’s behavior? Were your expectations met?
Did the person promise you something but did not fulfill? Did
someone fail to uphold something very important and of
value to you?
Negotiating through a Personal Conflict
Situation
2. Acknowledge your feelings and emotions.
Be aware of the stirrings of emotions within
you. Express this in a constructive way like
verbalizing the emotion with the other
person.
Negotiating through a Personal Conflict
Situation
3. Examine your relationship with this person.
How important is your relationship with the
other person?
4. Clarify your intentions. Do you want to
continue your relationship with this person or
not?
Negotiating through a Personal Conflict
Situation
5. If you wish to keep the relationship, have a
talk with the person involved stating that you
value your relationship and would like to
express your feelings about what was done or
not done to you, then ask for an explanation
as to the other person’s actions.
Negotiating through a Personal Conflict
Situation
6. Once the dialogue is accomplished to you
and the other person’s mutual satisfaction,
then grant a reconciliatory act like shaking
hands or embracing each other. Grant or
request for forgiveness or apology, if
necessary, then promise to move on.
Do you have any
questions?