FORTINBRAS

BY LEE BLESSING

'*

DRAMATISTS
*
PLAY SERVICE
INC.
FORTINBRAS received its world premiere at the La Jolla Play- CHARACTERS
house (Des McAnuff, Artistic Director; Alan Levey, Managing
Director), in La Jolla, California, on June 18, 1991. It was
directed by Des McAnuff; the scene design was by Robert Brill; Living
the costume design was by Susan Hilferty; the lighting design
was by Chris Parry; the music was composed and performed HAMLET, Prince of Denmark
by Michael Roth; the sound design was by Kenneth Ted Bible OSRIC, member of the Danish court
and Michael Roth, and the stage manager was Andy Tighe. HORATIO, friend of Hamlet
The cast was as follows: ENGLISH AMBASSADOR
FORTINBRAS, Prince of NoiWay
HAMLET ........................................................................ Don Reilly
CAPTAIN of the NoiWegian Army
OSRIC ......................................................................Jefferson Mays MARCELLUS, a sentinel
HORATIO .............................................................. Ralph Bruneau
BARNARDO, a sentinel
ENGLISH AMBASSADOR ........................................ William Cain
FIRST MAIDEN
FO RTINBRAS .......................................................... Daniel Jenkins
SECOND MAIDEN
CAPTAIN OF THE NORWEGIAN ARMY............ Paul Gutrecht
MARCELLUS .........................................................James Crawford
BARNARDO ............................................................James Kiernan
Other
POLISH MAIDENS ...................... Archer Martin; Kim C. Walsh
POLONIUS ................................................................ William Cain
POLONIUS, the Court Councillor
OPHELIA .................................................................. Laura Linney
OPHELIA, his daughter
CLAUDIUS .......................................................Jonathan Freeman CLAUDIUS, King of De'nmark
GERTRUDE ................................................................ Devon Allen
GERTRUDE, Queen of Denmark
[Link] ......................................................................Josh Sebers
LAERTES, Polonius's son

PlACE

The Castle at Elsinore, Denmark.

TIME

Immediately following the ev:ents of Hamlet.

5
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Scene 1
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The final tableau from Hamlet. Horatio kneels holding
Ham let, who's mortally wounded. Laertes, Gertrude and
Claudius all lie dead. Osric is also present.

fHAMLET.
Oh God, Horatio, what a wounded name,
Things standing thus unknown, shall live
behind me!
If thou didst ever hold me in thy heart,
Absent thee from felicity awhile,
And in this harsh world draw thy breath in
pain,
To tell my story.
(A march afar off. Exit Osric.)
What warlike noise is this?
OSRIC. (Reentering.)
Young Fortinbras, with conquest come from
Poland,
To th' ambassadors of England gives
This warlike volley.
HAMLET.
Oh, I die, Horatio!
The potent poison quite o'ercrows my
spirit.
I cannot live to hear the news from England,
But I do prophesy th' election lights

7
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\J";i!rl\J CHi!_ \\,'.<, S::.t-CJ\\6\) 'h) \ji r;

On Fort:inbras. He has my dying voice. each other, or what?

So tell him, with th' occurrents, more and HORATIO. Yes, m'lord. I was here to see everything. (Point-
less, ing to Osric.) He was, too. So were others, but they all seem
Which have solicited - the rest is silence.J to have ... (He trails off as he notices everyone at court but he and
(Hamlet dies.) Osric are gone.)
-HORATIO. FORTINBRAS. I don't blame them. Nobody likes being a
-~ Now cracks a noble heart. Good night, sweet witness. You stayed, though. That's good. What's your name?
~J Prince, OSRIC. Osric, m'lord.
: And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest. FORTINBRAS. So what happened, Osric?
~~---·(Sound of a military drum. Enter an English Ambassador. He is fol- OSRIC. I don't know, m'lord.
~ lowed after a moment by Fortinbras and his NIJ'ITJMgian Captain.) FORTINBRAS. But he said you were here.
'iJ ENGLISH AMBASSADOR. OSRIC. I was- I mean I am, but-
-%- The sight is dismal; FORTINBRAS. Mraid to get involved, eh?
~And our affairs from England come. too late. OSRIC. Yes, m'lord.
~ The ears are senseless that should giVe us FORTINBRAS. Imagine how I feel. I'm on my way back
b hearing from the wars against the Poles - just stopped in to say hi
§ To tell him his commandment is fulfilled, - and look at this. What. are these foils for?
'o That Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are - HORATIO. There was a fencing contest - Hamlet and
~ FORTINBRAS. Excuse me. (The Ambassador stops, surprised.) Laertes. But it was a trap. One of the sword tips was poisoned.
~ "b Could you please be quiet, please? In fact, could you wait FORTINBRAS. (lVho was about to touch the tip.) Really? (Fortin-
l& .'1 outside? Please? (The Ambassador hesitates. The Captain takes a bras hands the foil to Osric. The Captain returns. The Captain drags
i
6" menacing step towards him. The Ambassador exits.) I never liked out Gertrude's body.) So where were we? The sword was poi-
L\--
0 --;; 1 English guys. You're Hora~o..!-Egh_t? I remember you. soned - by who?
:S; E ~ HORATIO. Fortinbras? HORATIO. Claudius.
.E; c.?-:·? FORTINBRAS. Hi. So- God, what is all this? FORTINBRAS. The King?
-- ·-c
:±. H 0 RATI 0. I beg-~of you, give order that these bodies HORATIO. He also poisoned the wine in that chalice. He
High on a stage be placed to the view - and Laertes conspired against my lord Hamlet. The Queen
FORTINBRAS. Yeah, ok - but what happened? was innocent, but drank the wine by mistake and -
<-tH. HORATIO. The people must know- FORTINBRAS. Hold it, hold it! I'm never going to follow
FORTINBRAS.----W~l(... everyone's going to _!q!gw~ You
sure--:.: all that. (Picking up a pearl from the floor.) What's this?
of "V.. no'f'>}"can't keep something like--thTsquiei~--Captain, why don't you HORATIO. A pearl, m'lord. It was in the wine.
take these, urn - (Indicates the bodies.) arid put them some- FORTINBRAS. In the wine?
place safe for now, ok? (The Captain grabs the body of Laertes, OSRIC. As a prize.
looks around.) Is everyone dead? The whole family, I mean? FORTINBRAS. Yeah? Neat. Not much of a prize, though, if
HO RATI 0. Two families. the wine's poisoned. This was Claudius's idea? (The Captain
FORTINBRAS. Two?l No one's left? Of the whole royal-? returns, drags off Claudius's body.)
HORATIO. No one. (The Captain drags Laertes out.) HORATIO. If you'll let me explain -
FORTINBRAS. (Picking up Hamlet's foil.) They all just kill FORTINBRAS. Say, who's in charge now, anyway?
 HORATIO. M'lord? HORATIO. M'lord - !
FORTINBRAS. (Nodding towards Hamlet's corpse.) It's obviously FORTINBRAS. Wash the floor, too. Get rid of any ... wine
stains.
none of these guys.
HORATIO. I'm not sure ... HORATIO. M'lord, we need the proof-
FORTINBRAS. Nobody's left, eh? I'll tell you what we do in FORTINBRAS. We have proof.
Norway. We find out who died last- HORATIO. The bodies, you mean?
OSRIC. Last, my lord? FORTINBRAS. No -you can get bodies anyplace. We've
1 FORTINBRAS. They must've died in some order. So what got much better proof than that. We've go.1h testimony. ~
n A 'TIO
Ho .LV\.. Testun' ony-;> !rnovuti 01td '1 :[Link]\<'.S hlrf\ 0\~ s;:6YY\ e.,Oile, .e.... \ ,,
POKQ.), 1 • • ' -...1 • · (9_~ c\"\ 0\h\PVl I 0\T'I::I
was it?
f"' II 0\: HORATIO. Urn ... the Queen, Laertes - FORTINBRAS. Yeah. You. Osric. Testimony. Now, look -
0 no' while Osric's cleaning up in here, I want you to go back to
OSRIC. No, the King.

~1~ HORATIO. The King first? whatever room you're in and write down everything that hap-
pened here. I want a full report, ok? That's the only way I'm
iD ()>\'"' \OSRIC. After the Queen. going to figure it out. Then maybe I can start to make up the
&W\1?1 ~ HORATIO. Didn't Laertes - ?
truth.
FORTINBRAS. Who died last7
HORATIO. Make up?
OSRIC. Hamlet.
HORATIO. Hamlet. (The Captain returns. He removes Hamlet's FORTINBRAS. That's a poor choice of words. What I mean
is nothing's true until it's certified - right? You're in govern-
body.)
FORTINBRAS. So- when he died, he was the king, essen- ment, sort of. You know that. And nothing gets certified, ex-
tially. Did he say anything about who should succeed him? cept by the proper authorities. And I'm the proper authorities
OSRIC. You, m'lord. - now. Right? (With a look at Osric.) I mean, right? (Fortinbras
HORATIO. He said he assumed it would be you. smiles cheerfully. Lights fade to black.)
OSRIC. Defmitely you. He said.
FORTINBRAS. You're kidding me.
M HORATIO. Of course you must be chosen by the Electors.
o,& ''f<ror' ~~ A mere formality. Mter all, who's left? (Horatio shoots
Com""\:'flVIco~ Scene 2
't;.,>.:\ ~'o"l' Osric an ang;ry look. The Captain reenters.) ·
·P'(}\J FORTINBRAS. Me? That is so hard to believe. Captain- The battlements of Elsinore. Fortinbras stands looking through
~'0..r~)! go bring me the head of the Electors. (The Captain exits.) This a telescope. Osric is nearby, with Marcellus and Bamardo.
,~"~,et is a real surprise. I had no idea you guys liked Norwegians They hold up a large tapestry for inspection. On the other
i.:r' 01 " this much. Of course, you don't really, d<> you? (Horatio and side of Fortinbras, Horatio stands holding a parchment.
~,3-~~X ~ Osric look at each other embarrassedly.)
~'y-\[Link]- OSRIC. (Kneeling.) I for one love Norwegians. OSRIC. (As Fortinbras continues to scan the horizon.) It used to
S1\er~1.~ ~,FORTINBRAS. Yeah? Well, great. Osric- you look like a hang in the Queen's chamber. Sh~\ had it, ~oved aftej ~~e
P\) \ <J'\Y1 VIS' ~ ~ t\-, . \-It e.. ~ 'V~n 1\\ dl~ b.Q.;h \f' . 1t -
'~,~~~;'pretty bright guy. (HoratW gives an incredulous lauf!t. Furtinbras
unfortunate -
· gives Osric the pearl.) Take this. I want you to gather up every- FORTINBRAS. Sure. I can understand that. (With a quick
thing here: foils, chalices, pearls - everything, and g~ll glance at it.) Looks pretty good, though.
OSRIC. It is. Just this little ... rip here, you see, and -
uood wash.

10
 c,\\\\C\~ t-o ornf\tsumr pDG.Q.:. \t'..s
FORTINBRAS. No blood on the front of it? FORTINBRAS. I can't help that. v on\j ~Yif\~ (i\f\~
OSRIC. No, all on the back. A little sewing, and - HORATIO. ~sition_ta_krww.__
FORTINBRAS. Great. I like it. Put it in my rooms. FORTINBRAS. So what? I mean, who can understand all this
~ A ghost appears to Hamlet and tells him his uncle killed .
OSRIC. Which will be?
FORTINBRAS. The King's chambers. (Osric nods.) his father, so Hamlet pretends to go crazy - or maybe he
HORATIO. You haven't been elected yet, m'lord. re_cilly_ dq~..L.~hQ_~C!!~.!? - and he decides to kill his uncle.
FORTINBRAS. Ok. Just put it outside the King's chambers But he stalls around for a long time instead, kills a guy who's
not his uncle, gets sent to England, gets rescued by pirates,
for now. What else is there?
OSRIC. (Searching through a pile of regal objects with Marcellus comes back and kills everybody - including himself. I mean, 11

and Bamardo.) Let me see ...

FORTINBRAS. (Lo'oking through the telescope again.) Where
come on.
HORATIO. (As tlu! others hold up a small, wooden prayer~ to \,~
r,~

. ... -~ \ f\-\\\J1£\()r

The King's prayer bench, m'lord. It's hardly been '!_Sed. UG~\A~li.A~
were we, Horatio? FORTINBRAS. Yeah, great- for my chambers. (To Horatio,~,~,; o\b\-e
HORATIO. My lord Hamlet's ship had just been set upon
with disbelief.) You really saw a ghost? +o p r~ 1
by ... pirates. HORATIO. Yes. Old King Hamlet.
FORTINBRAS. Pirates? Get out of here.
FORTINBRAS. And Hamlet saw this ghost?
HORATIO. It happened, m'lord.
HORATIO. And Marcellus, and Barnardo.
FORTINBRAS. Did you see these pirates?
FORTINBRAS. (To them.) You did?
HORATIO. No, m'lord.
MARCELLUS. We think we did.
i7lllv1s.,6n FORTINBRAS. Right. Go on. BARNARDO. It was dark.
+o HORATIO. (Reading from the parchment.) "The pirates, on learn-
~,'.S.+-e ing Prince Hamlet's identity, immediately released him - • HORATIO. They stood here with me, o~ this very battle-
ment, and saw Hamlet's father's ghost.
C\J,vU>- FORTINBRAS. Released him? Why?
~ H- HORATIO. He promised to do them a favor ... sometime. FORTINBRAS. My father's dead; I've never seen his ghost.
~c.l.2 +o (Fortinbras looks incredulous.) It happened, m'lord. HORATIO. Your father was killed in fair and equal combat.
FORTINBRAS. My father was killed, as you well know, by
i+ lrJur\IC5'f- FORTINBRAS. Go on.
~t~ HORATIO . . "Hamlet then sent for me-"
Hamlet's father. Old Hamlet killed Old Fortinbras - in a
-\C, ~t
of OSRIC. (Holding up a bouquet of dried Jlowers·) Dead flowers, duel, of all things - on the day Hamlet was born. I was just
an infant myself. Made me kind of an orphan.
+he- , m'lord. HORATIO. Forgive me, lord. I merely -
0\V\J,,\~.f!(Q, ..> FORTINBRAS. Dead flowers?
OSRIC. They were Lady Ophelia's - from her unfortunate FORTINBRAS. And because my father was an even worse
period. After she died, the Queen kept them. gambler than he was a swordsman, he'd agreed to give certain
FORTINBRAS. (Finding this morbid.) Oh. Keep them anyway. lands to Denmark if he lost. (Looking though tlu! telescope.) Those
lands, over there. My father's ghost doesn't come back because
Put them on the wall or something.
he'd be ashamed to face me. Wish he could, though. It'd be
HORATIO. May I continue?
FORTINBRAS. I wish you wouldn't, Horatio. This was all nice to see what he looked like. For once. (A beat.) Well,
pretty unbelievable when I read it last night. I thought maybe they'll be my lands again soon enough, providing my captain
ever brings me the head of the Electors! Osric, why is he having
if you read it to me yourself, but -
so much trouble?
HORATIO. It's what happened.

13
 HORATIO. A Polish - ?!
OSRIC. The Electors are ... a bit reluctant about coming to
FORTINBRAS. Exactly! It's the perfect idea. Look - the
see you, m'lord. Poles, bitter at Claudius's pact with my uncle to grant me and
FORTINBRAS. Why? my troops free passage through Denmark so that I can kick
~~·;~, OSRIC. The phrase you've been using, "Bring me the head their Polish butts, send a spy to the court here in Elsinore.
f'f\o~t-Yn ~s." It seems to make them nervous. His job IS to deStr-oy the entire Danish royal family. You know,
oo11-rt0\&.t FORTINBRAS. You're kidding. Oh, God. I'm so sorry - as a lesson to all who would conspire against the Polish crown
that's really funny. (never--heard it that way till right now. No
- all that. c~. Anyhow, he successfully sabotages the fencing
wonder they don't want to come. (The Captain enters and bows.
match, bar~s the swordtip, poisons the weapon, the wine -
He has a sealed parchment and a cloth bag, weighted down by some-
see how e~y-~l?.~_!_S.L~__Ql!~.. guy - sets the unsuspecting par-
thing the shape and heft of a human head. He hands Fortinbras the
ticipants ~gainst each other in a sort of frenzy of sudden rage
parchment. Fortinbras reads it.) Good. Good, good, good. I've
and paranoia, and executes the most extraordinary mass-regi-
been elected. (To Osric.) Take all these things and put them cide in the history of Europe.
in the King's chambers. We'll go through them later.
HORATIO. But -
OSRIC. Yes, m'lor - (Correcting himself, with a deep bow.) Yes,
FORTINBRAS. And we can even add a lot of stuff about the
my sovereign lord. And may I be the first to say - horror when the royal Danes, each mortally wounded and/ or
FORTINBRAS. (Taking the sack from the Captain.) Is this for
poisoned, suddenly realized that Poland had achieved its ulti-
me, too? (Osric, Marcellus and Bamardo instantly bundle up eve-
mate revenge - blah, blah, blah. I{ rnaqern
rything.) What were you saying, Osric? HORATIO. That's not what hap~ned. U'l{)t~t <:Ji"'lt.t.
OSRIC. It'll keep. (Osric, MarceUus and Bamardo hurry out with
FORTINBRAS. I bet it will_ be. It's just so much better. ~f\t'l\Ofl.J
the objects.) Anyone can unders~crTt~ And t.h-;; best thing is, it gives me Jl f.o\-lt-
FORTINBRAS. Horatio, we've got to have a new story.
that historic_~---~-~~~~:f~E:~e.i_ng that's so important to a new ~\V!~'~­
HORATIO. But there's only the truth. king. You see? I'm here to save Denmark from an imminent w·-~~ J.~
FORTINBRAS. That's the problem. You want to tell every-.
~". l .\j~-l?_~
1
attack by Poland. (Horatio looks incredibly dubious.) Of course, if
one in Denmark that their entire royal family killed itself, plus i,;<U.'r'lv:l!til
you want to tell people that ~ulous~to:ry of yours, be my ·n' t'ti~:?J~
, ~, a family of reasonably innocent nobles, plus 1wo attendant 1

guest. But I'll bet mine's the one that catches on. In fact, t 1\'fn~
~~~~~~o"A_S lords? Good God, Horatio- how ~lJ<::h_d.Q__J_Q!l_J:hink people Captain, I want you to promulgate the true story you've just
'in_)J ~take? No one wants to hear their whole royal family's heard.
incompetent. Personally, I think we should just replace the
CAPTAIN. Which true story?
whole story. FORTINBRAS. The Polish---
HORATIO. Replace it? CAPTAIN~ Yes, my liege.
FORTINBRAS. We need a story that'll do something for us:
FORTINBRAS. Make it known throughout Denmark. And
explain the bodies, preserve the monarchy, give the people
begin the amalgamation of Danish and Norwegian forces,
some kind of focus for all their - I don't know - anger,
preparatory to a full invasion.
loss, whatever. And most of all, something that'll show people
CAPTAIN. Of- ?
that everything that's happened up till now had to happen so
FORTINBRAS. Poland.
that I could become king. I know how I'd like to explain it.
CAPTAIN. Yes, my liege.
HORATIO. How? HORATIO. Invasion - !?
FORTINBRAS. A Polish spy.

14
 with him?
FORTINBRAS. Relax. If people believe your story we won't HORATIO. I did.
invade anywhere. Then again, if they believe my story - well FORTINBRAS. I wanted to go to college. My uncle wouldn't
- I'll have to invade Poland. (Sighs.) And of course I'll have let me!-t?o~gh. Afraid !~~-~~ to~~w_.~JJI. Hamlet read a lot,
to find a Polish spy. dfdii't he? Words, I mean?
HORATIO. But there is nonet HORATIO. Yes, sire.
FORTINBRAS. That'll make it harder. But maybe we don't FORTINBRAS. Good times at Wittenberg, eh? Yeah, college
even need to catch him. Maybe just looking's the best. This life.
story's going to work out great. Get going, Captain. (The Cap- HORATIO. I could ... teach you.
tain exits.) FORTINBRAS. Teach me?
HORATIO. Sire, what you're suggesting is infamous. HORATIO. Tutor you. Give you the benefit of my years
FORTINBRAS.' What? The invasion? That won't really hap- there.
pen. We'll just march the army to the Polish ·border, ratde the FORTINBRAS. You want to do that for me? How come?
old swords for twenty minutes and come home. Nobody'll get HORATIO. Every prince needs an education.
hurt, and I'll prove to you that I'm right about this story thing FORTINBRAS. Right now I know how to win battles. What
and you're not. Hey- want to know what's in the sack? else is there?
HORATIO. No, sire - HORATIO. Diplomacy -
FORTINBRAS. Come on - take a look. Closer. Closer!· FORTINBRAS. That's just batdes without soldiers. I do that
(Horatio steps closer.) What could it be, I wonder? My captain great.
brings me a lot of stuff. He's ambitious. (Fortinbras peers into the HORATIO. Ethics.
bag.) Ooo- man! You want to see? 'll .9vi1711-.911>j, FORTINBRAS. Oops. We're back to telling the truth again.
HORATIO. No- t (Fortinbras puUs a melon out of the bag.) HORATIO. My lord Hamlet's life requires the truth-
FORTINBRAS. Is that a beauty? (Horatio can't help but give, FORTINBRAS. . It's just a vicious circle with you, isn't it? Try
a sigh of profound relief.) I wondered what I was going to have· to understand this, ok? I'm not here to finish their story. They
for lunch. You got a knife? (Horatio hands him a knife. Fortin- were all here to begin mine. (Hefting the remainder of the melon
bras slices the melon.) That was a weird sigh, Horatio. What'd in ~is hand, giving it to Horatio.) It's the new perspective. Mas- 0 _
you think I had in here, the head of the Electors? (Fortinbras ter It. ~,2!1(
laughs.) You thought it was a head. Instead, it's going to feed HORATIO. Yes, my liege. (Horatio bows, exits with the melon.
us both. There's a lesson in that. (Offering Horatio a slice.) Eat Fortinbras turns and stares through the telescope at the horizon. Af
it. (Horatio starts to eat.) You know, this is a lucky place, Elsi- ter a moment, the ghost of Polonius enters. Fortinbras doesn't notice
...._, nore . him. Polonius carefully reaches out to touch the telescope and startles
HORATIO. Lucky? Fortinbras.)
4 FORTINBRAS. For me it is. How many people walk through FORTINBRAS. Jesus! You scared me. Who are you? (Polonius
the door and- boom, they're king? That's lucky. (A beat.) So smiles anxiously. Fortinbras looks closer.) Do I know you? (Polonius
what was Hamlet like, anyway? nods.) Polonius? (Polonius nods.) But you're - (Polonius gives an
HORATIO. Sire? gentle shrug, reaches out for the telescope.) What do you want?
FORTINBRAS. He was complex or something, right? (Hora- This? (Fortinbras gives it to Polonius, who seems pleased to hold it.
tio nods.) Sorry he's gone. I was always going to talk to him. Polonius stares through it this way and that.) Don't you get much
You know, about ... various matters. You went to Wittenberg

17
16
 HORATIO. For the sake of the truth!
of a view where you are? (Polonius pays no attention.) My new OSRIC. Horatio, get a grip on yourself. Monarches change
lands? Is that what you're looking at? (Polonius, still looking and we change with them. It's natural as the wind and rain.
through the telescope, nods.) Is there something you want to tell Do you want your head to end up in a sack?
me? Something I should know? (Polonius nods.) What is it? HORATIO. That wasn't a-~~~?;__!!~a~---~-~~-1.?~..:--~~~~-~!· I
(Polonius starts to answer, lfut somehow can't bring himself to speak. ate it.
He waves his hand dismissively, as though it's not really worth say- Osilic. Then ... what happened to the Electors?
ing.) Is it complex? (Polonius tums, hands Fortinbras the telescope HORATIO. They're probably running for the countryside.
and nods. Polonius exits. Fortinbras stares after him. Lights Jade to OSRIC. They were always nervous. I wouldn't be surprised
black.) if one of them was the Polish spy who - (Horatio grabs Osric
by the collar.)
HORATIO. There is no Polish spy!
Scene 3 OSRIC. I know, I know!! But if there were one-
HO RATI 0. There's none!
The castle. Horatio and Osric collide as they cross paths in OSRIC. But if there were -you're choking me - i f there
a hurry. Osric holds some objects, including the foils from were- and we know there's not- one of the Electors 1night
Scene 1. Some of these spill to the floor. actually be - (Horatio throws him to the floor in disgust.)
HORATIO. You're a fool.
HORATIO. Watch it! OSRIC. (Getting his breath.) Thank you, Horatio.
OSRIC. Oh- 1 HORATIO. So is Fortinbras He's an absolute child. He
•
11
~f~J~rC:
HORATIO. Idiot. What's wrong with you? makes Laertes look cuJtur_ed. '-J 01 [Link]
OSRIC. Nothing's wrong with me. I'm well-adjusted. (Dropping OSRIC. I like him. (Horatio gives Osric a look.) Well, he's of iL
another foil.) Damn! cheerful. It's not like Hamlet -wandering arou!.11h.J.22k!.!l:g \J,,~~(~
HORATIO. Where are you taking these? m2f.9~_e!L!~~t:___!i_~~,_~~~!~Jlg_c~~rgl__. !_~-~~~-~· Fortinbras does ~~+ ~-
OSRIC. The King's chambers. Fortin - King Fortinbras things. He gives orders we can follow. So what if he lies a · 112hl.
wants them for the wall. little? Claudius lied a lot. Honestly, Horatio, I think you
HORATIO. Those are from the duel! should just try to get on board for once.
OSRIC. They've been washed. HORATIO. And that's as deeply as you want to examine
HORATIO. You're not taking them. (Horatio takes" the foils things?
from him.) OSRIC. Goodness, yes. I wouldn't examine them that deeply
OSRIC. Horatio- I if I could avoid it. Oh, I know - they say the unexamined
HORATIO. This is the swor4..J.lt_ti:L"Jf.JJk4~'19!!:[Link]'!!:.~f!! (Looking at life is not worth living. But the examined life is also not worth
the other foil.) Or thi~ living, and it's a great deal more painful. l'd've thought Prince
OSRIC. ~~y}-_5:_!!..91-~=~~QEQL~~E-~~:,.~The~L~~·~-~£-<l!". Now Hamlet's experience would have shown you that. (Osric starts
give them back. (Horatio sighs, returns them.) to leave again.)
HORATIO. He says no one will believe us. HORATIO. I'm going to tell the truth! To everyone I meet.
OSRIC. Believe us what? OSRIC. I'll warn them. (Osric exits. Lights Jade to black.)
HORATIO. When we tell what really happened.
OSRIC. Why would we do that?

19
18
 usurped the throne from its rightful heir -
FORTINBRAS. He was elected, same as me.
HORATIO. Precisely.
Scene 4 FORTINBRAS. He has to be buried in sacred ground, or
the Polish spy story doesn't work. I wish you'd get a sense of
Fortinbras in the King's chambers. His ruyal bed is imposing. eriorities. Come here and sit down. Come ~on, come on- sit
~..\)l (~--~ ·-"' The tapestry from Scene 2 now hangs on the wall. Likewise, (Horatio sits uncomfortably next to Fortinbras on the bed.) How you
\zH)\~ o ~ ~ ~'\~ Claudius's prayer bench, Dphelia 's dead flowers and the foils doing on that story of yours? Anybody believe you yet?
..s (.;)il·Q. 'i f'j c6'€() - from the duel have been worked into the decor. Fortinbras, HORATIO. One or two have ... come close.
'((J'J\S. ill 5 dressed for lounging, sits on the foot of the bed, talking with FORTINBRAS. It's not easy, I know. I used to tell the truth
J-, Q_J~(f--1\ \ "' I<>.J.O(-'.
the Captain and toying w!_t.h ~~--~~7!!!!_· all the time. People would get incredibly disappointed. I'd say,
"But that's what really happened." (Sighs.) I was so unpopular.
FORTINBRAS. So, when'll they be ready to march? Then I thought, "Wait a minute - I'm a prince. And some-
CAPTAIN. In the morning, sire. day, a king." And it's far more important for a king to be
FORTINBRAS. Great. Tell my generals to go right up to popular than to recount a bunch of random events the way
Poland and stop, ok? This is -~2t.~-2'..~~--~~!~-~i~!!~thing they actually happened. You see what I'm saying? If the truth
-::j.Y~L§91!l_JL~~~Jng__ru:q-yucJ. distances me from my people, then how can it be the truth?
CAPTAIN. Very good, sire. (The Captain exits. Horatio enters.) (A beat.) You know what I saw through my telescope? Up on
FORTINBRAS. Horatio- good! Come on in. How about the battlements?
this room, eh? Finally got it the way I like it. So tell me, HORATIO. No, sire.
what'd they do with those guys at the funeral today? The ones FORTINBRAS. I saw the futur~. I saw a lot of farmers, cows,
that got unruly. trees - but I also saw the future. And the future, Horatio, is
HORATIO. They were chastened and sent home. that this kingdom gets more and more powerful.
FORTINBRAS. That Hamlet was a popular guy. Four graves, HORATIO. How?
~f u~ iNl and evel)'boQ_y_:~-i~i)n~~~~~ Hope-alo~ FORTINBRAS. First we get the army back from Poland,
;nJ '.sp J jump on my grave when I'm dead. once we've made the spy story look good. Then we take it up
0
[Link]'<- I HORATIO. I'm sure they will, sire. to Norway and break off a few of my uncle's legs. Then, we
~~~:,·~ol FORTINBRAS. You're funny, Horatio. I should like that turn around to the rest of Europe and say - and this is the
"'t7t•on more than I do. Cf "fQ ~[Link],~-~ 0'\l o u ~~fu great part, we only have to say it - "Watch out for D_:nway."
HORATIO. About the issue of sacred groun<!. HORATIO. Denway?
FORTINBRAS. Sorry- they all get sacred ground. End of FORTINBRAS. Or Normark - it doesn't matter. The point
argument. is, the combined power of our two countries will be over-
HORATIO. But Claudius? He killed his brother. whelming. Horatio, we are on the brink of the great Norween-
FORTINBRAS. So you say. ish age of Europe!
HORATIO. He slept with his brother's wife. HORATIO. Norween - ?
FORTINBRAS. Hey- he married her. FORTINBRAS. Or Daneweegian - it doesn't matter.
HORATIO. And he killed her. HORATIO. Sire -
FORTINBRAS. An accident. FORTINBRAS. Think of it! Anywhere a Daneweegian goes,
HORATIO. A murder plot gone awry is not an accident. He

21
20
 FORTINBRAS. Tonight's alternatives? I totally forgpt. Well ...
he'll be safe. With military power like this, we can sit and
fme, all right. Where are they? (Osric beckons, and two young
polish our weapons till the end of time. Maidens enter. They are clean, but humbly dressed. They stare wide-
HORATIO. I gave my oath to Hamlet - eyed at the splendors of Elsinore. Fortinbras quickly puts on his
FORTINBRAS. Hamlet's dead now. I'm your King. You have
crown.)
wonderful loyalty, Horatio. You just have to learn how to point
OSRIC. Tonight's alternatives.
it in different directions. Think of it! For the first time in your
FORTINBRAS. Is it true, what I've been told?
life you could be proud to be Norweenishl OSRIC. It is, my liege. They are Polish. (Nudging them
HORATIO. Nol No, sire- strike off my head if you must,
forward.) Your soldiers brought them back after your last incur-
but do not ask me to renounce my oath. An oath is larger
sion there.
than a kingship, and a kingship is larger, may I say, than youl
FORTINBRAS. I tell them not to do that. So, do they speak
You can never tempt me with petty conquests!
any Danish or Norwegian?
FORTINBRAS. Petty? It's all of Norway.
OSRIC. Not a syllable.
HORATIO. A kingdom is not a plaything, and we are not
FORTINBRAS. How'm I supposed to make them like me?
boys! A king rules to serve his people, not himself. If you
OSRIC. I really don't know, sire.
learn nothing from the tragic reign of Claudius, learn that.
FORTINBRAS. Well ... go prepare them.
FORTINBRAS. Hey, hey, heyl No need to get rigid about
OSRIC. Both, sire?
this. I just wanted to get you in on the ground-floor of the
FORTINBRAS. Why should I penalize one? (Osric and the f'~Arv ~j
myth thing. The reign of Fortinbras needs one small, tidy
conquest. Then we can relax and nourish our new nation on Maidens exit.) What am I going to do about Horatio? Why ~til\ t'
the very myth we've created. That's how a real leader leads. won't he like me?l Show a guy a little vision, and wham- he 00 \1\o~:
seizes up on you. He doesn't even want to talk to me now. ~~ ~
And it's how a leader's friend is his friend. I could use a
Can't get his head out of the past. I hate the past, it's point- 1
friend, Horatio. Not like Osric. Someone ... like Hamlet had.
less, it's so ... stiff. (Looking around, to the audience.) Some_!hing h~ ~c.
HORATIO. Hamlet earned his friends.
FORTINBRAS. That's fine, if you've got the time. But if about this castle mak~s I,!!.~--:W~LJQ.lalk__ _tg_m~!f. Don't know +-~~,
why - I've spent my whole life not talking. Out on the bat- · j
you're going places li_~~-!!1-~L.f~[Link]-~av~_!<;>__h~[Link]. tlefield, worried about spies behind every tentflap - all of
1
n :v Qj
HORATIO. Hamlet would never have said that.
FORTINBRAS. "Hamlet would never have said that." Loosen them working for my uncle. I didn't dare say a word out loud. r~~ j.i
But here, the minute I'm alone I just ... jabber. (Suddenly call- -to ..s;.~~:f
upl There's room for more than one philosophy in [Link] world.
ing out anxiously.) Osric, where are my alternatives! (To the
Is that the right word? Philosophy?
audience again.) I hope you don't think I'm callous, just be-
HORATIO. May I go, siren
cause of those maidens. They really will have as good a time
FORTINBRAS. Sure, go on. I'm not ,a tyrant.
HORATIO. (Starting out, stopping.) The truth goes beyond as can be expected. Under the circumstances. Given the point
in history. I'm not known as Fortinbras the Particularly Cruel
death. It can't be changed.
FORTINBRAS. But it can be ignored. Good night, Horatio. or anything. I never used to do this sort of thing on my
campaigns, but now that I'm King, it's sort of ... expected.
(Horatio exits. As he does so, he passes Osric, entering.)
And it has been a long time. Honest. Not to get too personal.
OSRIC. My liege-
Anyway, I really will try to communicate with them. (He hears
FORTINBRAS. What is it?
shuffling in the hall.) At last! (Po~onius appears.) Not you again.
OSRIC. I'm here with tonight's alternatives.

22 23
(Polonius stands attentively, smiles.) Are you going to speak to me FORTINBRAS. Polish.
tonight? Are you ever going to speak to me? (Polonius doesn't OPHELIA. Oh. Wonderful.
respond.) What good is it if you won't tell me anything? (Polo- FORTINBRAS. Why are you here? Why have you come to
nius shrugs, smiles, moves to the tapestry. He runs his hand over it.) me?
We keep going through this. What do you want? Do you have OPHELIA. I haven't come to you. I'm just here to collect
a dire warning? Is there a foul injustice? (At "foul injustice" this old idiot. . }(.in~
Polonius becomes excited, as though he wants to speak.) Yes? (Polo- FORTINBRAS. But I want him to talk to me. Cf : itV~m!I!No.
nius suddenly shrugs and waves it off with an "# 's not that impor- OPHEUA. You do? ( ,sho.s,t, 1'\o .2-hJ,
tant" gesture.) Damn it - I (The two Maidens enter in nightdress FORTINBRAS. Sure. Ghosts ... know things. Jcl\1\nU C\~. ~\ l~?
looking anxiously at Fortinbras.) What do you want? Oh - sorry. OPHELIA. I'll tell you what ghosts know. They know what J

In the bed. (They follow Fortinbras's gesture and demurely jump into they did wrong in life. It's all they can think a]iout."That and
bed. Their wide eyes watch Fortinbras's every move. They do not see a second chance -which never comes. Right, Dad? (Polonius mfll-
Polonius.) I've got company now, you'll have to go. (Polonius shrugs.) Dad talked too ~uch ii_l_}i~-!_XQ:U.:..§~~WhiT_~---th~l_g_g! c.otn1~t
smiles, remains.) I'm serious. The alternatives are here. (No move
hi_~·---~~~--ti_e 's-~!~_Q___!Q ... C?P~I_l h!~. ffiQ_l,lth~ It's really the only ~ ;~, d~~
by Polonius.) You can't want to watch - you're dead! (Polonius good thing I can say about being dead. Hey, Dad - I think --.-
shrugs.) This is nuts. Who sent you1! "Why do you appear to mel? I'm still in love with Hamlet. What should I do? (Polonius fairly ~~ V- . ~
(Ophelia enters. The Maidens can't see her.) burns to advise her, forces himself not to. Ophelia laughs. To :f~ '~
OPHELIA. He always appears__!Yh~I.~--he.'s [Link].t._~_ted~_s Fortinbras.) Do you· really want to know what he's been yearn- I
l}is trademark. ing to say when he comes to see you? The truth - that's all.
FORTINBRAS. My Godt Lady Ophelia! (Polonius too looks a About anything. When he was alive he couldn't tell the truth
bit surprised.) even when he tried. Now he won't say anything until he
OPHELIA. Yeah, yeah, yeah - Ophelia. Big deal. Who can be absolutely sure it's true. Which, of course, is never.
cares? No one did in life - right, Pop? Isn't that right, Dad? (Cowed, Polonius exits.) I was the fool in
1st MAIDEN. (In Polish, to Fortinbras.) Are you not well, your life. Now it's him. Do you remember when we last met?
highness? FORTINBRAS. Yes. You were ... young and fair.
FORTINBRAS. (To the Maidens.) Quiett (To Ophelia.) You OPHEUA. You saying I'm not now?
spoke. FORTINBRAS. No, no. But I guess death is a ... pretty har-
OPHEUA Huzzah. Ring the bells. Ophelia spoke. Of course rowing experience.
I spoke. What am I supposed to do? Stand around like him? OPHELIA Harrowing. It's been hell on my looks, I'll admit
FORTINBRAS. But I thought ghosts- it. (Suddenly touching him lightly.) You still look great.
OPHELIA. Ghosts do what they like- haven't you figured FORTINBRAS. Agh!
that out? We're supernatural. Super-natural. Got it? At least, lst MAIDEN. (In Polish.) Sire?
compared to you. (To Polonius, indicating Fortinbras, rolling her OPHELIA. Didn't know you could feel me, eh? It usually
eyes.) He's King. comes as a shock. I can tum it on and off. Comes in handy.
2nd MAIDEN. (In Polish, worriedly.) Come to bed, sire. Say, why don't you get rid of them? We can, urn ... talk.
FORTINBRAS. (To the Maidens.) Can't you see I'm talking?! FORTINBRAS. Talk?
OPHELIA. They can't see us. What on earth are they speak- OPHELIA. Mmm ... unless you're getting other ideas. (Dphe-
ing? lia turns to the Maidens.) Come on, girls - everybody upt Go

24 25
 crawl under some other noble. (Ophelia pulls the cover off the CLAUDIUS. I have sinned in the past. For which I'm heart-
bed. The Maidens scream and exit.) That's better. (Climbing onto ily sorry.
the bed,\ pulling the bedcover up around her.) Are you coming or GERTRUDE. An act of contrition. st11\ 8\S p"'rnpt>v\..!.:
CLAUDIUS. In death I am more virtuous.
not?
FORTINBRAS. You want me to - ? FORTINBRAS. You have a choice?
GERTRUDE. Everyone has a choice. Dead or alive. I used
OPHEUA. You got it.
FORTINBRAS. Is it possible? to think with death would come some sort of final judgment.
OPHELIA. It's not only possible, it's terrific. Did you know Then I could embrace my fate, either in heaven or hell, know-
women don't reach their sexual peak until after they're dead? ing that I had no choice.
(Fortinbras still can't bring himself to move. ophelia smiles.) You're CLAUDIUS. If only it were that easy!
afraid you won't satisfy me, aren't you? Don't worry. You'll still GERTRUDE. Death is harder than life. The temptations we
be the only one who ever tried. (She opens her arms. Fortinbras feel are almost irresistible. The lusts -
moves towards the bed. Lights Jade to black.) CLAUDIUS. Don't talk about itl
GERTRUDE. Are only more intense. If I so much as look
at Claudius -
CLAUDIUS. Don't look at mel
Scene 5 GERTRUDE. I won't! (They both avert their gaze.)
CLAUDIUS. Pray to God!
Dawn, the next morning. Fortinbras is alone in bed. Kneel- GERTRUDE. I dol
ing on opposite sides of the bed in a posture of prayer are ClAUDIUS. (Rushing to his prayer bench.) The sin of lustl
Gertrude and Claudius. Fortinbras suddenly wakes with a Deliver us from it!
GERTRUDE. Deliver usl
start.
CLAUDIUS. Save us from ourselves!
FORTINBRAS. Ophelia! Don't go, don't- f (Noting Clau- GERTRUDE. Oh, save usl
dius and Gertrude.) Who are you?! (Suddenly seeing his crown FORTINBRAS. Shut up!! (They faU silent.) What is wrong with
'f upon Claudius's head, snatching it off.) Give me thatl you?l
n\.S h CLAUDIUS. F~- ~e. I couldn't hel uttin it on. CLAUDIUS. Everything.
GERTRUDE. We're hideous, hideous beasts. We admit it.
~ ~~ GERTRUDE. The sin of nostalgia.
CLAUDIUS. The lust is so intense, but the remorse -
~:\ rv-- CLAUDIUS. I know. I'm heartily sorry.
~\~,;0. GERTRUDE. Pray with me. (Gertrude and Claudius instantly GERTRUDE. It's unbearable.
CLAUDIUS. We must be together!
ID fall once more to prayer.)
FORTINBRAS. Claudius - 1? Gertrude - 1? Where's GERTRUDE. But we've got to be apart!
CLAUDIUS. We've come to warn you.
Ophelia? "Where is Ophelia!?
GERTRUDE. (Looking up.) The sin of wrath. FORTINBRAS. Of what?
FORTINBRAS. Answer my question! "GERTRUDE. Ophelia. You had relations with her last night,
CLAUDIUS. She left well before daylight. I believe she is a didn't you?
FORTINBRAS. None of your business.
damned soul.
FORTINBRAS. And you're not? CLAUDIUS. Fear her.

26 27
GERTRUDE. She's a succuba. happened to be dead flower day in Poland.
FORTINBRAS. And a pretty good one, tool OSRIC. (Starting out.) I'll go look for them.
ClAUDIUS. She will obsess you. She will leap into your FORTINBRAS. Not Urn, no. (Osric turns.) Hang around
heart. She will reach into your spine and travel along every awhile, ok? Make the bed or something. (Osric does so,
neiVe. Your only hunger will be for her. Your only fear will be hesitantly.) So, urn ... I don't suppose you have any suspects
of her. Your only hope will be in her eyes, and there will be yet? On that Polish spy thing?
no .hope. When you wake in the morning, she will go before OSRIC. No, sire.
you in the day. Every face you see, every hand you touch, FORTINBRAS. Osric - Have you seen any ghosts, ever?
every sight, sound, taste, odor - it will all be her. OSRIC. I haven't had that dubious pleasure, sire.
FORTINBRAS. Have you really looked at. Ophelia lately? FORTINBRAS. Why dubious? You think ghosts are bad?
ClAUDIUS. I'm not speaking of her appearance! OSRIC. Have you seen ghosts?
GERTRUDE. She will mislead you! FORTINBRAS. Me? No. Why should I see ghosts? I mean,
ClAUDIUS. She will compound your sin! do they even exist?
FORTINBRAS. What sin? OSRIC. Horatio thinks so.
GERTRUDE. The sin of falsehood! FORTINBRAS. Well. Horatio.
FORTINBRAS. Falsehood? OSRIC. Indeed.
GERTRUDE. You buried us in sacred ground! FORTINBRAS. He and Hamlet saw ghosts everywhere: on
FORTINBRAS. I thought you'd want to be - the battlements, in the Queen's closet-
ClAUDIUS. We're sinners! How can we repent? OSRIC. I believe they only saw one ghost.
FORTINBRAS. I don't know - FORTINBRAS. Right. Right - one ghost. That's what I
GERTRUDE. Dig us up- please!! meant. I just thought with so many reported sightings, that
ClAUDIUS. Throw us on a dungheapl maybe you-
FORTINBRAS. I'm not listening to another word of this! Get OSRIC. I never see ghosts, my liege. They have no need of
outl Go onl Nowl me. ~ Cf to OfiJ\1\p,\ pi~--·
GERTRUDE. Reject Ophelia! FORTINBRAS. Need? I,
FORTINBRAS. Now! (Gertrude and Qaudius scramble to their feet OSRIC. G~ts appear in order !Q des~QY.~ sire. That's my
and make for an exit. They bump into each other, cry out with alarm experience, at least. And I am clearly not worth destroying.
and exit separately.) Geez Louise - this place is overrun. (Call- FORTINBRAS. That's not the only reason they appear.
ing after them.) And don't come back till you're invitedl (Osric OSRIC. It is, as far as I can tell. Whenever a ghost appears,
enters.) the next thing I know I'm cleaning up wine· stains. (Fortinbras
OSRIC. My liege. suddenly grabs a foil from the wall, whirls and grabs Osric by the
FORTINBRAS. Osricl You're here early. collar. He pins him to the bed, foil at his throat.)
OSRIC. I came to fetch last night's alternatives. FORTINBRAS. You'll clean up whatever I tell you! Whenever I
FORTINBRAS. Oh. Oh - yes. Well they disappeared. I tell you to, understand?!!
think there was a ... maidens' meeting of some sort. OSRIC. My lord Hamlet - !!
OSRIC. I ... see. (Osric notices the bouquet of dead flowers on the FORTINBRAS. "What?!
bed, picks them up with a quizzical look.) OSRIC. Sorryl Your majestyl Fortinbrasl (Fortinbras lets go of
FORTINBRAS. Oh. They wanted to see those. Yesterday Osric, who falls back on the bed.)

28 29
FORTINBRAS. What's wrong with me? This isn't like me at HORATIO. Swear what?
all. HAMLET. Swear you'll never touch that button.
OSRIC. You have seen a ghost! HORATIO. Button? (Once again, we can see only Hamlet's eye.
FORTINBRAS. Sorry, Osric. I was ... I was up all night.
Jtjerks once or twice toward a switch on the tv set. Pointing.) This?
(Fortinbras exits. Lights Jade to black.) HAMLET. DONT TOUCH IT!!
HORATIO. What is it?
BARNARDO. (Reading puzzledly.) "On/off."
HAMLET. S~!
Scene 6 HORATIO. I swear.
MARCELLUS and BARNARDO. We swear.
A cellar in the castle. In the darkness there is a sudden
HORATIO. What do you want of us, lord?
glow. It's a t~!!_f!'!l-· As it flickers to life, we see no HAMLET. I want ... (Trailing off.)
one is onstage. The image on the tv gradually comes into HORATIO. Yes?
focus. It's a very tight closeup of a man's face. We can see HAMLET. I want ...
only an angry brow and eye. The eye looks left and right, as
HORATIO. Anything. Rillthtr th li1n 1~ p )Oil~ h w ne,\J ef
though in search of something. We hear the sound of men
HAMLET. I want tQlook at you. ~lfn\e_oj .
aptroaching. Marcellus, Barnardo - bearing torches - rush HORATIO. That's all? Just look at us?
in, accompanied by H oralio. HAMLET. That's all.
HORATIO. Of course. For how long?
MARCELLUS. This wayl HAMLET. Does it matter!'!
BARNARDO. I see itl Over here! (All three stop and stare at
HORATIO. (Fearfully.) No, m'lordl Look at us, by all means.
the tv from a safe distance. The eye looks in their direction. With (Horatio motions the others to kneel with him. They do so.)
great caution, they begin to circle behind it. As they do so, the tv HAMLET. It's so good to see you. It's all I can do, now:
turns with them, so that the eye can continue to watch them. The
watch and think. I couldn't bring m~f tq_,~£!__~ !!!:~-~!_least
men make a complete orbit of the tv, and it turns with them the not swiftly enough. Now ...
whole way.) HORATIO. Don't blame yourself, m'lord.
MARCELLUS. You see, Horatio. It's as we say. HAMLET. Mo should I blame!'!
HORATIO. I'll speak to it. HORATIO. I - I don't know!
BARNARDO. Nol Look what happened last time. HAMLET. Bring me to Fortinbras.
HORATIO. Who are you? Speakl Reveal yourselfl (The shot HORATIO. My lord?
on the tv pulls back, revealing the face of Hamlet.) My lordt HAMLET. Now. (The three men hurriedly trundle the l_l!__!!_~t. ~
MARCELLUS. Hamlett Lights fade quickly to black.)
HORATIO. (Falling to his knees.) Good my lord, speak! For-
give this poor servant. I've failed you in everything. No one
knows your story. Fortinbras has put forth a terrible lie -
HAMLET. Swear.
HORATIO. M'lord?
HAMLET. Swear.
 eAPTAIN. Yes, sire- towards Carpathia.
Scene 7 FORTINBRAS. Carpathia?
. . . OSRIC. Just beyond Poland, quite mountainous - nice in
The throne room. Fortinhras szts on t'M throne, recezvzng news the summer.
from Osric. To one side of Fortinbras, apparently invisible to FORTINBRAS. I know where it is! Why are they doing that?
Osric, are Dp'Mlia and-~ CAPTAIN. No one knows. But most of the Polish army has
.~ joined them.
FORTINBRAS. What do you mean we've taken Warsaw? I FORTINBRAS. I can't have this. This is all wrong. Get them
told the army not to attack. . . $~-!P-~:!!!..JQ___£_2_~-~--h.~!!!~~-J~-.Q}Y! liKt ~n irri\111~ poYrtljt n\Q\-t -th<Ar,
OSRIC. They didn't, my liege. They were InVIted. CAPTAIN. (Exiting.) Yes, sire. C\D~\\IW~j t.\~t. ~
FORTINBRAS. Invited? [Link]. (To Dp'Mlia and Laertes.) Carpathia. The min-
OPHEUA. I told you you were popular. . . ute my generals get back, you guys are going to have com-
OSRIC. Apparently the Poles, seeing our com?[Link] armies_ pany.
on their border, decided to forestall further hostilities by sur- OSRIC. Sire, to whom are you speaking?
rendering unconditionally. FORTINBRAS. (Defensively.) Nobody.
FORTINBRAS. But they don't even know what we want. @SRIC. Of course, sire.
OPHEUA. (To Laertes.) What do we want? FORTINBRAS. What about the Polish spy?
OSRIC. We'll have to want something, sire. OSRIC. The - ? Oh ... no progress, I'm afraid.
FORTINBRAS. Well, I don't know - maybe we should have FORTINBRAS. Why not?
the troops stay in Warsaw for awhile and ··· m~. OSRIC. I wasn't aware that you wanted progress. And then
¥
[Link]&.-~)
OSRIC. Mingle?
\7FORTINBRAS. Not possible, eh? What's wrong with me? I
there's the fact that there is no actual ... spy.
~ORTINBRAS. We have to have a spy now. After a victory
rj-e? 'lused to be so decisive. hke this? With no shots being fired? We need a reason to
.L~ OPHEUA. Maybe you're not getting enough sleep. [Link] gone at all. A villain.
f(~·~ LAERTES. Ophelia - I OSRIC. But sire -
OPHELIA. Oh, bite it, Laertes. FORTINBRAS. One Polish spy. An opponent. This is all
\ACJZ.. FORTINBRAS. Well ... have the army declare victory then, about self-image, Osric. How can we be heroes if we can't
and ... just come back. even see who we've triumphed over? We need someone we
OSRIC. Yes, sire. . can hate right here, right now. Someone palpable. A volun-
FORTINBRAS. And have them tell the Poles to ···watch It. teer, maybe. What about you?
OSRIC. Very well, sire. · . OSRIC. Me?
OPHELIA. (To Fortinbras.) I love it when you're stern. (Osnc FORTINBRAS. Yeah, what are you doing?
turns to go. Before he can do so, the Captain enters and faUs to one- OSRIC. Well ... nothing, but-
knee. He too is unable to see Op'Mlia or Laertes.) FORTINBRAS. That's a great idea! You'd be perfect! Believe
CAPTAIN. My liege. m~, I. wouldn't ask if it wasn't important. The public needs
FORTINBRAS. What is it? this kind of image right now. You know? A human f~ce we
CAPTAIN. The army's left Warsaw- they're pushing on. c~ allloat~~-~~~~!:._¥9.!!!",...[~£~·
FORTINBRAS. Pushing on? OSRic. I don't know ...
 FORTINBRAS. What do you mean, you, do.n't know? We,. #ow can you expect us to?
need a Polish spy, and you're elected. Its Simple as that.·. ()PHELIA. Boundaries are made to be broken. (Fortinbras
Understand? . . .· :pulls away.)
OSRIC. But ... but ... (Fortznbras stares at Orne.) Very well. m. FORTINBRAS. Osric said all ghosts come to destroy.
FORTINBRAS. Good! Thanks. (An awkwar~ b~~t.) . . f t)PHEUA. Osric? Osric the Wise?
OSRIC. So ... I'l!j~st ... g~___E_ut myself ... In Jail. (Osrzc exzts.f FORTINBRAS. How do I know he's not right?
f\- 1
1 /~; Opflt!_lia instantly kisses Fortinbras hard.) t' OPHELIA. Well, you did look pretty destroyed last night.
JIV / e E S . Ophelia- I . ;; FORTINBRAS.
OP LIA (Ending the kiss, to Laertes.) Why are you hang~ng: you're not going to win me to my doom?
That's not what I mean. How do I know

1}1Jw-l__, a und, anyway? Did Cl~udius and Gertrude send ,you? . if OPHEUA. Oh, that is sweet! Wm you to your doom. You are
!If\ FORTINBRAS. Sometimes I wonder how well I m runnmg, "* sometime~.
cute (She kisses him again.) .
\ the government. . . r JlllliRTES. F ortmhr_asL_\V"o1J!cl"c:t_y()'!.-~tlt<:!:_g<>_
OPHELIA. You're doing fine. You JUSt had a great VIctory. atound or sQIDething? It's a beautiful day. I feel athletic.
Jqfk_~J:>'!ll
Let's celebrate. (She snuggles up to Fortinbras.) OPHELIA. (Coming up for air.) Me too. (They go back into the
FORTINBRAS. Stop that- we're in public. cfinch. Unnoticed by the three of them, Horatio wheels in the tv,
OPHELIA. You mean you're in public. c~mplete with its image of Hamlet's eye. Horatio can't see ophelia or
FORTINBRAS. For God's sake - your brother's here. ligertes.)
OPHEUA. So what? He wants me too. HORATIO. Sire?
LAERTES. ophelia - ! . . . . FORTINBRAS. What? Oh - Horatio!
OPHELIA. Don't be such a phoney - admit It. ~Ike It HORATIO. Why did you have your tongue out, sire?
matters anymore. (To Fortinbras.) Sometimes I don't think he FORTINBRAS. Never mind! What's this?
even knows he's dead. HORATIO. I found it in the cellar, sire. It's Prince
LAERTES. It came as such a shock - Hamlet.
fQXYI; n;.srn OPHELIA. That's what happens when you think you're im· FORTINBRAS. Hamlet?
mortal. You sho~l<!~y~_l?e<:!!__r,~~~~[Link]~~iLgirJJJu~IL}OClUJLhave. HORATIO. Well ... his ghost.
]J,een._r.eA<f¥· (She reaches for Fortinbras again. He moves away.! FORTINBRAS. Another one?
FORTINBRAS. Please- 1 I'm just feeling disoriented nght HORATIO. Sire?
now, ok? Having a ghost for a... FORTINBRAS. (Of the tv.) What's he doing in there?
OPHELIA. For a what? Say it. For a lover. HORATIO. It's a minor inhibition. We're still working on it.
FORTINBRAS. I don't know what I'm feeling. Or if I'm If you'll just listen to what he-
feeling anything. Or if there's anything to feel. . ·. FORTINBRAS. No! No- I refuse. No more ghosts! This is
OPHELIA. (Placing Fortinbras's hand on a prauocatzve part of her my castle now, my kingdom. It's my army in ... in ...
anatomy.) Feel this. OPHELIA. Carpathia.
LAERTES. ophelia - ! , . , . FORTINBRAS. Carpathia! I'm not going to be distracted or
OPHELIA. Oh, grab it while you can. Get em while they re. betrayed by any more ghosts!
living - that's what I say. (She kisses Fortinbras again.) IiORATIO. (Seeing only Hamlet.) More ghosts? But there's
LAERTES. Fortinbras? Fortinbras- I appeal to you. If you only ...
don't respect the boundary between the living and the dead,, FORTINBRAS. You're dead! You understand?! You're all

34
35
 dead, and I'm free of you! From this moment on! You hear
me? Freel (Fortinbras storms out, with Laertes following.)
ACT 'IWO
LAERTES. You want to kick a ball around?
FORTINBRAS. NO!! (Fortinbras and Laertes are gone.)
HORATIO. (Looking around, [Link].) Carpathia? Who else
Scene 1
does he see? (To the tv.) I'm sorry, m'lord - he's gone.
HAMLET. You've done well. Leave me now.
A castle hall. Polonius appears. He carries with him the
HORATIO. Leave you?
Qy,een s old tapestry. He stops, looks around to make sure no
HAMLET. Go! (Horatio hurries out.)
one's there. Satisfied, he spreads out the tapestry, finds the
OPHEUA. So. You found your way back.
hole made by Hamlet's sword.
HAMLET. Is Claudius here?
OPHELIA. Yeah, he didn't have any trouble. Funny, eh?
POLONIUS. (Touching it.) Here. (Touching his chest.) Here.
Looks like you're in a fix.
(To the audience.) It,does something to a man's point of view
HAMLET. I want to be back. Among you.
when he suddenly feels a sword go through his heart. I was
OPHEUA. So? Get out of the box.
pinned like a bug against the wall. Where was all my good
HAMLET. I don't know howl Please- I have so much to advice then? Stuck in my throat, where it's remained ever
do.
since. Oh, I still have plenty of advice, don't misunderstand.
OPHELIA. Don't worry. I'm doing it for you. Fortinbras is l could tell everybody in this castle, living and dead, what to
completely under my control.
~o. But to hell with 'em, that's what I say. (Sighing.) If there
HAMLET. He's not telling the truth! were a hell. There doesn't seem to be, for me. No heaven
OPHEUA. He's been busy. Conquering Poland. either, that I've been able to discern. Only this - wandering
HAMLET. Help mel around the scene of all my errors, watching everyone make
OPHELIA. Do I look like I have a manual? I don't know the same old mistakes, burning to advise them - and hating
how to help you. What's this? "On/off"?
myself for it. D~~th_E~-~~~my g~eatest ~i~~PEC?_~-~~~!:)_(s CfiV
HAMLET. Don't touch that! Free me, ophelia! too much .like life. I thought there would be a great adven- 1+01rn 1ei-'_5
OPHELIA. Why should I? ture, but [Link]~'Sno great adventure. I've asked the King, the vn ~vH.I r\.5..<:
6Yl ~1,).9,th
FORTINBRAS. Free me now, as you love me! Ophe-!! (ophe- Queen, the others - no one's had a great adventure. So far,
lia turns off the set.) there's been nothing to compare with that first moment,
OPHELIA. Dream on. (She starts out, stops.) God, that felt pinned against a wall, translated by a steel point - my face
good. (Ophelia exits. Lights fade slowly to black. Just as they reach buried against the blank side of a tapestry --- hoping that in ·
black, the tv turns on again, by itself. . We see the brooding eye of a single· instant all might finally be revealed. (Tossing over the
Ham let. Then darkness.) · corner of the tapestry.) What a hoax. Death has all the uncer-
tainty of}!fe, and twi~-~~~- solit1lde. If you take my advice:-
END OF ACT ONE and no one- ever does - you'If avoid it. (Polonius turns to go.
As he does, Fortin bras steps into view. Polonius freezes.)
FORTINBRAS. You spoke! (Polonius turns and hurries toward
another exit. Fortinbras moves to block his way.) No, you don't!
Talk to me - now! (Polonius tries another direction. Fortinbras

36 37
 blocks him again.) Can't you see how desperate I am?! (Polonius FORTINBRAS. Nice?
tries yet another direction. Fortinbras doesn't move.) Damn it, I need POLONIUS. TRUE!!
your advice! (Polonius stops, fighting his urge to advise. Fortinbras FORTINBRAS. Right.
falls to his knees.) Please! Nothing makes sense anymore. I POLONIUS. And get married!
swore off ghosts, I even swore off Ophelia. But I can't make FORTINBRAS. To Ophelia?
it stick! Every time I see her, I just crumble. I used to handle POLONIUS. No, not to Ophelia! To someone else.
everything so well: battles, intrigues, women. I never even FORTINBRAS. Who?
worked up a sweat But here at Elsinore I've seen things - POLONIUS. It doesn't matter. Someone living, that's all.
I've done things .... Give me advice, Polonius, please! One sen- FORTINBRAS. Married? But there's no one.
tence, one phrase, one word. POLONIUS. What about those two I saw in your bed?
POLONIUS. Ophelia. FORTINBRAS. They were just- They don't even speak my
FORTINBRAS. Ophelia? language.
POLONIUS. Lay off her. POLONIUS. All the better! Find them. Marry one. Then
FORTINBRAS. Ok - ok. I know I should. Why? rnaybe Ophelia will leave you alone, and you can gain the
POLONIUS. It's obvious. You're not suited to treat with the courage to tell the truth.
dead. Hamlet was fathoms deeper than you. Now look at him: FORTINBRAS. About what? What truth am I supposed to
~ locked in a box of light - and he only talked to a ghost. tell?
FORTINBRAS. What you're saying is, I'm in jeopardy here. POLONIUS. Hamlet's truth. My truth. Without it, nothing
POLONIUS. At least. can go forward - all is held back.
FORTINBRAS. But I have these feelings about her. It's not FORTINBRAS. But I've already told the Polish spy story -
like with any other girl. POLONIUS. Tell the truth!! What did I just tell you?!
POLONIUS. I should hope not. FORTINBRAS. But -
FORTINBRAS. It's so intense. The minute I see her, the POLONIUS. You_ can't take at!1Jice! None o[_you! You never take_
minute I touch her- advice!! I'm leaVilli ____________ - - -- ------------------ ... _______________
POLONIUS. I am her father. FORTINBRAS. No - I (Polonius starts out, dragging the tapes-
FORTINBRAS. It's love. How can I resist that? try behind him. Fortinbras grabs a corner of it.) What should I do
POLONIUS. What you feel isn't love, it's nostalgia. For non- about the army? They took Carpathia without a shot!
existence. POLONIUS. (Tugging at the tapestry.) I don't care!
FORTINBRAS. For non-? FORTINBRAS. Why's Hamlet in a box?
POLONIUS. The moment we become aware of our own POLONIUS. Let go!
existence, we secretly begin to long for the time before: wh€n FORTINBRAS. Should I hang Osric?
we never were. And why not? It's attractive - utter oblivion, POLONIUS. I don't care!! (Polonius tugs tlu! arras .frt!£.) Tell the
v~. -\1fJitf)'~ utter peace. N~'!!g. W~ thi!!k _ge~_Ql---~-~!~g~~---~~-~f!l~t again. truth. Tell it soon. There isn't much time - for either of us.
fTlV\~ tr No wonder we fall in love with it. But that's not what death FORTINBRAS. What do you mean? You're dead.
~~~t~ ~~ D giy~~-~~~.Nothing c~~--~~~~~--~-~~.P~~-t~iy~ "W~~--E~~}?~e~-;--- POLONIUS. You think eternity_!__forev~r? (Polonius exits.
of ~ FORTINBRAS. So, urn - how would I fit that into a plan Fortinbras stares after him. Fortinbras exits the opposite way. A mo-
[Link]..2;,S:\6T\ of action? ment passes, then Horatio hurries in, pushing Osric alu!ad of him.
:N ~Q~\VJ POLONIUS. Tell the truth! !Q_!bin~__gwn selfhe - Osric is in chains.)

,38 39
 OSRIC. Horatio, stop itt Where are you taking mel? OSRIC. Long live Poland!
HORATIO. Quiet. ·HORATIO. (Clapping a hand over Osric's mouth.) You're in-
OSRIC. I won't be quieti You're hurting mel Horatio - 1 sane I Everyone in this castle is. (Osric nods.) How can you
(Managing to pull away.) Put me back in my cell. accept it? You've been falsely accused. Even you must feel
HORATIO. No. some outrage.
OSRIC. I demand itt OSRIC. Outrage is a luxury best enjoyed by those who can
HORATIO. I'm trying to save your lifel do something about it. I must simply be patient and wait for
OSRIC. Why? the storm to pass over me.
HORATIO. lVhy!7 HORATIO. Or swallow you whole.
OSRIC. It's none of your business. Besides, you don't even OSRIC. No system's perfect. May I please go back to my cell
like me. now?
HORATIO. I need youl We're the only ones who know the HORATIO. All right. Till I can think of another way. But
truth. Do you want to hang? (Osric is silent. Horatio pushes him don't blame me if you're hanged in the meantime. Fair
along again. Osric resists.) enough?
OSRIC. Where is it we're going? OSRIC. You are good to me, Horatio.
HORATIO. I'm getting you out of the castle. (Osric is HORATIO. I'm just trying to do one honest thing.
stunned.) OSRIC. We all have our faults. (Horatio pushes Osric off the
OSRIC. Out of the-? Out of- ?1 way they came. Lights fade to black.)
HORATIO. What's wrong?
OSRIC. I've never ... I've never ...
HORATIO. Whatl?
OSRIC. Been out of the castl~ (Now Horatio is stunned.) Scene 2
K~p\UI~r·l''eJ of £Q.()~
HORATIO.~ 'Never?
OSRIC. There was no need. Everything I wanted was right Lights slowly come up on the Queen's chambers. As they do,
here. Out there it was all just ... Denmark. we hear the following, which starts in darkness.
HORATIO. (Pushing him again.) You'll get used to it.
OSRIC. No, no, no, no, no- Horatio- pleasel Just stopl CLAUDIUS. My words fly up, my thoughts remain below -
Stop for a minute and listen to me! (Horatio stops.) I want to HAMLET. Kill him!
hang. CLAUDIUS. My words fly up-
HORATIO. What? HAMLET. Kill himf Kill him nowf
OSRIC. That's overstated. But I would rather hang than CLAUDIUS. My words -
1 have to go out into ... whatever that is. I've seen it from the HAMLET. U:?[Link] are you waiting for1 (By now lights are up. They
POiovOij
oF ~ ramparts, .H._or.atio. No one looks happy out there. No one's reveal Claudius kneeling at his prayer bench. Laertes stands behind
El IZt~bcihtf11ow_clLd~esL.::- him with a drawn dagger. In the foreground Gertrude lies on the
utiZM'I VlJh-v HORATIO. (Pushing him yet again.) Come on. now-familiar tapestry, in an awkward - if alluring - posture. U.,
~f
1 mtQT-
t Vi1
bJ V\\1otf'A
OSRIC.
am ..''
I'm a Polish spy!! Listen, everyone! I'm a spy! I really surveying all this, is Hamlet - or Hamlet's eye, rather- since he's
still in the tv.)
''8~'~~6100 HORATIO. Shut up. LAERTES. I - I can't.
of ~,
()IJ\~i d, ~ vfC'd Vj
J

40 41
HAMLET. Why not? Lusting after Claudius.
ClAUDIUS. Am I facing the wrong way? Maybe if I - And?
LAERTES. No, no -it's just that this isn't what happened. GERTRUDE. Marrying him so soon after he murdered your
HAMLET. It's what should have happened. Go on - kill father.
himi He won't feel a thing. HAMLET. And?
ClAUDIUS. Only remorse. GERTRUDE. Not giving you my whole support.
HAMLET. And? ,
LAERTES. But i~~~~· I won't be sending him
to heaven or helL We're all just floating here. I don't under- GERTRUDE. Don't make me say it.
stand why we .had to carry all this stuff into the Queen's HAMLET. Say itt It's the t:rllfP.I
chamber in the first place. Feels weird. GERTRUDE. -·Arid .forgive m~ for lusting after you.
HAMLET. Never mind that. . HAMLET. Yes! ~ t
': . · LAERTES. 'She - I? I never knew that. p01ru dlj "ru{)f)l-
LAERTES. Besides, I'm not really a man of violence.
HAMLET. Neither was I. (Qaudius laughs.) Quieti As long as GERTRUDE. It's not true. 0 C~ 1 f\J1-s le;X
I'm confined to this box, I'll spend my time as I likei Now HAMLET. It is! You wanted me. Just as I wanted you. The f
strike, Laertesi While the chance is there! uns~~l~~attr.;!f.t:i()n. Til~ rootca11se of all 0'l.l.l" ..~!:l:[~_~_ngS:
GERTRUDE. Please strike, Laertes. This is such a humiliat- . CLAUDIUS. I thought I was the root cause.
ing posture. ~HAMLET. T~ root cause u what l say it is!! (They fall to ar-
HAMLET. You be quiet, tool Claudius - again! guing. Ophelia enters, topping all theZr. voices.)
ClAUDIUS. My words fly up, my thoughts remain - • .OPHELIA "What is going on in here? I can hear you from
HAMLET. Now, Laertesi (Laertes stabs Claudius, who gives a across the cas - (Stopping short as she takes in the scene; with dis-
\mortal groan.) Yes! (Claudius falls to the floor, dies.)IHow easy it gust.) Oh, very nice.
1wasi How exquisite! If only I'd really done itt HAMLET. Get out of here.
LAERTES. Why didn't you? OPHELIA. (To Hamlet.) This was your idea, I suppose. You

I
ClAUDIUS. (Rising, kneeling at the bench.) Yes, why didn't are such an infant.
you? HAMLET. It's none of your business.
GERTRUDE. Why didn't you? OPHEUA. Your mother's bedroom. How old are you?
HAMLET. Quieti All of yo~ Laertes, stab him again. HAMLET. What's between me and my mother-
LAERTES. But I just - OPHELIA. Is really nauseating, I know.
HAMLET. You heard mel I want to see it again! HAMLET. Get thee to a - !
ClAUDIUS. It's all right. I~~ih A thousandfold, if you OPHELIA. (Sudd~ly p~inting a remote control at the tv.) S..h!!!:
like. up. (Hamlet's mouth continues to move, but we hear no sound. To
GERTRUDE. This is so uncomfortable- can't we get to my theothers.) Isn't that nice? (She turns up the sound again.)
part? HAMLET. ... just a horny little lady-in-waiting with ambitions
ClAUDIUS. Yes, do her part. above her - (She turns the sound off. Hamlet's mouth keeps work-
HAMLET. Very well. Begin. ing. After a moment she turns the sound on again.) ... don't think
GERTRUDE. Please forgive me my son, for all the wrongs you went mad at all. You probably tripped into the river -
I've committed. OPHELIA. (Turning the sound off again.) I could do this all
HAMLET. Such as? day. (She turns the sound back up.)

42 43
j:~f\t»S3 &UW~t\0 of q'nm\ <>\.0'.!1\~ h.~\U \,•pfmJ?
-II:IJ\16'1 "\v <J><i\tJl\o.A!, ;nO\ct\Gn >c \'\S \mc.n<fif1\"[Link]

HAMLET. where did you get that? Scene 3

OPHELIA. In the cellar. Neat, eh?
HAMLET. Laertes- take it away from her! The throne room. Fortinbras sits despondently on his throne
OPHELIA. Don't worry. I won't abuse it. Go ahead, show as H oralio reads from a parchment.
me what you're doing here. I could use the laugh.
HAMLET. Yes! Yes - good idea. Let's show her. (Claudius,
HORATIO. Mter the conquest of Carpathia, the combined
Gertrude and Laertes all groan tiredly.) Danish and Norwegian ... and Polish and Carpathian forces
LAERTES. Hamlet ... have successfully placed Transylvania, Anatolia and the Trans-
HAMLET. Do it! Now! (They reluctantly resume their positions.
Caucasus under your control. (Fortinbras gives little groans at each
ophelia looks on.) All right! Kill him again! new name.) No hand has been raised in anger. No battles have
ClAUDIUS. My words fly up- been fought. In each case, the swelling hordes were welcomed
HAMLET. Kill him! Keep stabbing! And mother - writhe!
as heroes of liberation, ushering in peace, prosperity, enlight-
(Laertes stabs Claudius over and over. Claudius . doesn't fall, but enment- etc., etc. Shall I go on?
groans mightily each time. Gertrude writhes demurely on the tapestry.) FORTINBRAS. No.
GERTRUDE. Hamlet, I want you! God forgive me, I want
HORATIO. (With a glance at the parchment.) Apparently they
you sot are.
HAMLET. Yes! Yes!! Yes!!! YES!! YES!!!! (A sudden darkness,
FORTINBRAS. What's happening, Horatio? What's happen-
followed by an explosion of light and smoke. Almost immediately lights ing to me?
rise again to reveal the same scene. Hamlet stands beside an empty HORATIO. You're winning.
tv. The others are surprised.) FORTINBRAS. Why don't I feel like I'm winning?
GERTRUDE. Hamlett HORATIO. I'm sure it's hard for you to know, without -
HAMLET. (Smiling.) I thought that might do the trick. FORTINBRAS. Without what?
LAERTES. Well ... urn, welcome back. HORATIO. I was going to say, without speaking to my lord
HAMLET. Thanks. I'm sorry for some of the things I've Hamlet.
made you all do, but I thought if I could just let myself
FORTINBRAS. I won't talk to Hamlet! That's final!
go- HORATIO. But his story-
GERTRUDE. We don't mind. FORTINBRAS. It's too late for his story! We're committed
ClAUDIUS. Whatever works for you.
HAMLET. N~4ard feelw_gs? Cf Clo,v'~~vl-s' OOY>'Jo
now. Troops are in the field. Troops are in all the fields.
L w HORATIO. But he could teach you -
ClAUDIUS. -No, no, no. FORTINBRAS. This is no time for an education! I can't get
LAERTES. (Simultaneously.) No problem. caught up in ethics, for God's sake.
!
GERTRUDE. (Simultaneously.) Not at all. (Hamlet looks at ophe-
lia.)
HORATIO. We're beyond ethics now. More in the realm
of first causes, the nature of being, phenomenology, metaphys-
HAMLET. And you? (ophelia approaches Hamlet slowly, aiming
ics-
the remote control at him. Suddenly she lets it fall to the floor and
FORTINBRAS. Don't talk metaphysics to me! I've been
melts into· a deep romantic kiss with him. Lights Jade to black.)
sleeping with a dead woman!
HORATIO. Pardon?

45
 HORATIO. In any case, I think you should release Osric.
FORTINBRAS. Ophelia. She's back. So are the rest of them. Clearly you condemned him at a time when you were
Hamlet's not the only ghost - they're all here. Especially were ...
Ophelia. FORTINBRAS. Crazy? Is that what you're trying to say?
HORATIO. You and Ophelia are - ? (Fortinbras nods.) And HORATIO. Actually, I'm trying not to say it -
you won't even talk to Hamlet? FORTINBRAS. Well, consider it said. After Hamlet, you must
FORTINBRAS. I suppose you think it's unnatural. Decadent. think every Prince is crazy, but it's not true. I can function.
Perverted. I can make calm, rational judgments. Just watch: A.) I'm re-
HORATIO. It's ... out of the ordinary. leasing Osric -
FORTINBRAS. Well, it's over. I'm not seeing her anymore. HORATIO. Thank you, my sovereign!
Satisfied? FORTINBRAS. Probably too late for a Polish spy by now,
HORATIO. I ... I don't - anyway. We'll start looking for a spy from wherever the army
FORTINBRAS. She used to affect my judgment. I can see it is at the moment.
now. I lost my edge. HORATIO. (Consulting his parchment.) Umm- Persia.
HORATIO. Speaking of judgments - you've condemned FORTINBRAS. Persia?! Fine. B.) I'm ordering the army
Osric. home again, not that they'll listen. And C.) I'm going to
FORTINBRAS. · I had to; he's a spy. marry a living Polish woman as soon as possible in order to
HORATIO. But - not really. be no longer distracted by a ghost who was admittedly mag-
FORTINBRAS. What do you mean, not really? Didn't you nificent in bed. ,
read the proclamation? HORATIO. This is very kingly.
HORATIO. Yes, sire. But you know and I know - FORTINBRAS. Thought you'd like that. It's not so hard to
FORTINBRAS. Besides, I commuted his sentence. be regal. I could do it all the time, if I liked. So, gol Send
HORATIO. I don't think a commutation from being word to the armyl
whipped to death to hanging is really - HORATIO. Yes, sirel (Horatio starts out, stops.) Sire, this is
FORTINBRAS. You want me to be more merciful? not only kingly of you. It's very ... educated.
HORATIO. I think you should release him. FORTINBRAS. (Complemented.) Yeah? Thanks. (Horatio exits.
FORTINBRAS. Release him?l What did I send him to prison The Captain rushes in, goes to one knee.)
for? CAPTAIN. My liege.
HORATIO. I don't know, my liege. Perhaps this ghost of FORTINBRAS. What is it?
Lady Ophelia you describe - CAPTAIN. There's been an explosion in the Queen's quar-
FORTINBRAS. You're saying my political judgment's being ters.
influenced by a woman? FORTINBRAS. Explosion? Was anyone hurt?
HORATIO. You just said so yourself. CAPTAIN. No one was found at all. Only a strange sort of
FORTINBRAS. I did? Right - I did. Well, don't worry. I'm ... box.
taking steps to correct the situation. I'm getting married. FORTINBRAS. Box? (Gesturing.) Was it about ... this big?
HORATIO. Married? To whom? ' CAPTAIN. Yes, my liege.
FORTINBRAS. To one of those Polish girls, if I can find FORTINBRAS. And it was empty?
them again. They seem to have gotten misplaced. And if CAPTAIN. Quite empty.
they're still alive. Otherwise the wedding's off.

47
46
 FORTINBRAS. Oh, great. Hamlet's out! Scene 4
CAPTAIN. My liege?
FORTINBRAS. Oh, nothing. Have you found the two Polish The battlements. Hamlet and Dphelia sit together staring out
maidens? over the landscape. She kans against him. They are holding
CAPTAIN. Not yet, sire. hands. Behind them, at a distance, are Marcellus and Bar-
FORTINBRAS. Find them! I'm in constant danger until I nardo, quietly watching the two ghosts.
marry one of them. Oh - and I almost forgot - release
Osric from his suffering. At once! OPHELIA. Things seem so simple suddenly. Why do you
CAPTAIN. Release - ? My liege! (The Captain exits.) think we had so much trouble before?
<::,ot;\ b~'-" 1 ~FORTINBRAS. I'm feeling a little better already. It's good HAMLET. Who knows? We were just a pair of kids. Who had
<-_tD,.,9s; 1,)!-to put some discipline into your life. If I can just get the the perspective? (She sighs, resting her head on his shoulder. He
\\1 J QJ¥\Q;:: army to tone it down .... But I'm more in control. More than looks at Marcellus and Bamardo.) Why are Marcellus and Bar-
f\\-Q~ ever. Horatio's right. There is something educated about not nardo over there?
executing innocent people. It's not as workable, but it's ... OPHELIA. Fortinbras is trying to avoid me. He's assigned
more relaxed. Not to mention controlling your urges to sleep them to keep watch whenever I appear.
with the dead. Polonius was really right about that. (With sud- HAMLET. Oh. (Marcellus and Bamardo smik.)
den, panicky fury.) "Where are those Polish maidens?!! I can't wait OPHELIA. We could've been so happy. Married, children-
forever!! (Regaining an intense calm.) I have total control. Noth- waiting for Claudius and Gertrude to die.
ing bothers me. Not even Hamlet. Oh, I know the whispers'll HAMLET. Yeah, it sounds good, doesn't it? Well, it can't
start, now that he's out of that box. "Hamlet would've been always work out, trying to make the best decision in life.
a better king. Hamlet would've known what to do. Hamlet had OPHELIA. You didn't make an~ (Hamkt looks at her.) Hardly
more depth." (Shouting, as before.) Well, Hamkt's dead, if anybody any. You finally managed to kill Claudius, but you had to
hasn't noticed!! Hamlet's dead and I'm alive - there's a big differ- clean out the whole castle to do it.
ence!! (Qy,ieter.) I wonder where he is? He could be anywhere. HAMLET. If by that you mean I was careful to examine all
He could be here. Is that it? Are you here, watching me? the moral ramifications of an act of personal revenge -
Laughing at my mistakes? What if you are? Kings don't make OPHELIA. I ~a.:!!J~Q!!~~!_~U~-~-~~l:l!!~.L-~cl- ~C:_!:~~l_ lilf!:_~_!:t~-
mistakes, anyway. They reassess policies. (A sudden realization.) natic, ~~1!4_g~-!!~!_(l!lr_!~~-~[Link].__g~~-~~!~~ ~d -~Q!:~~-~ ___ fu_g_(~~l.
What if he's not here at all? What if he's promulgating his ~-~_Y<?!l ~[Link]~~L!!!Y_ !~~er.
story? All over the castle? What if he's telling the truth, and HAMLET. That was an accident.
people are ... believing it? No, no - stop. Just stop! Get hold OPHEUA. And my brother.
of yourself. It's what the King says that matters. Just keep the HAMLET. He killed me.
story straight. A spy - of indeterminate nationality. A plot, OPHELIA. Anyway, all I'm saying is, you took an awfully
mass-regicide, sacred ground. It's the only logical story. The long time to do a very simple thing. Badly.
only ... logical ... (Unabk to help himself, shouting running out of HAMLET. (Starting to kave.) If that's how you feel about
the room.) Hamlet! Hamkt!! (He exits. Lights fade to black.) it-
OPHELIA. No, no, no- oh, Hamlet, no! I didn't mean it!
Hold me, please just hold -:-
HAMLET. (Simultaneously, falling into an embrace with her.)

48 49
Ophelia-! OPHELIA. What? Stab quicker?
OPHEUA. We've been through so much together; we can't HAMLET. I might have expected you not to understand.
fight anymore, we can't! OPHELIA Because I'm a girl- right. You haven't changed
HAMLET. You're right! a bit! I'm going back to Fortinbras.
OPHEUA. Say that again. Please? HAMLET. You don't love me at all, do you? This has sim-
HAMLET. Ophelia, you're right. ply been a contemptible ruse. You're trying to use me.
OPHELIA. (With a sigh of pleasure.) Oh! (They kiss. Marcellus OPHELIA. Oh, there's a shock! One of us~_g_!:£__u~~--~}le
and Bamardo look on attentively. When the kiss ends, Hamlet looks ot~~!:l_ w~n<k_:r_jf_thal's ey~r happ_ene..d J>ef()re? 1-i VlSQA 0 ?
at them. They avert their gaze. Ophelia and Hamlet stare off over the HAMLET. The story will be told!
fzelds.) OPHELIA. From whose point of view? Yours? MJ:._Hamle..t
HAMLET. You know, it all began right here. It'~-_@-About-M~ ..th~-.n~n~? Oh, sure - your point of view is
OPHEUA. What? clearly the most rewarding, the most complex. No wonder it
HAMLET. My father's ghost. This is where I saw him - has a special right to exist.
promenading through the air at midnight, just beyond this HAMLET. Ophelia -
wall. OPHELIA. I will not ... be ... marginal!
OPHEUA. We could do that; would you like to? HAMLET. rtllought by now you'd understand. I thought ~J~Sl~t,
HAMLET. No, that's all right. It makes me think about eve- when you committed suicide - \·l.S r.::
)\l rnvi-
rything that's happened. I can hardly wait till Horatio con- OPHELIA. I didn't commit suicide, I was pushed! O\~.s, :
vinces Fortinbras to let the real story come out. HAMLET. By whom? t Qfvr.> to

OPHEUA. You ... think he will? OPHELIA. By your mother. 0{tro ~>J 1
HAMLET. Of course. Inevitably. The truth will out. HAMLET. That's a disgraceful lief ~~st~Jt
OPHEUA. But would that really be good? OPHELIA Were you there?! If Fortinbras can tell a new story, :1·~n :...\
~~~-~~----·~"-~------•··-~"-=~···"''-·--~·~·- 0 I~- d Q.G\ -\ f)
HAMLET. What do you mean? Of course- why wouldn't so can I. (Fortinbras rushes zn, stopping short when he sees "'- \
Ophelia.)
it be?
OPHELIA. I don't come off particularly well in the real FORTINBRAS. Ophelia!!
s~~JJn~an, _L tend _!~-!~~~-~~I=~Ll~~_!:__ ... an idiot. OPHEUA. Fortinbras?I
HAMLET. I was cruel, I admit. But------·- FORTINBRAS. I'll ... come back later.
OPHELIA. Does it really matter what people think? OPHELIA. No - wait! I haven't said hello yet. (Clearly for
HAMLET. Of course it matters. What do you think we all Hamlet's benefit, Ophelia gives Fortinbras a very memorable kiss.
suffered and died for? Hamlet pulls out a dagger and moves to strike Fortinbras with it in ~
OPHELIA. Nothing, in my case. Please; Hamlet- let things the back. Barnardo and Marcellus stare horrified. But Hamlet can't st1l \
stay as they are. We have each other, at last. We can be con- brin? himself_ .~3:.!!~'!- f'!e
h.!~ll),__antf:___~'f!:.~tead stalks qu,L Qf_ t~J.Q!!J!1. ~~ J:.b1e_ -b
Fortznbras breaks the kzss.) -
tent with that.
HAMLET. Maybe you can, but ... not me. FORTINBRAS. No ... no ... I - thank you, but - actually ~
OPHELIA. Hamlet- ! I can't believe you won't do this one I just came to make sure that Hamlet's been behaving. You YS,
know- about everything. r-wvefl-e
little thing for me. ,
HAMLET. Little?! My whole reputation? My story1 The !!!~~ . OPHELIA. He's not. cho,r5;: of
I made in the worlc.!· . .Ib:~ g:r.~-~!_l~~~<?n.J_.h~Y.!! !.9_.~~£E:...... FORTINBRAS. He's not? Oh. Well ... maybe I'd better go 0 o-thtl!.
CGoln n"' e,g
tv''V'I171~ ...
50 51 <S VI t~J. '1fl (1\ n1pV\ \ U\fi on -
 ily sorry!
find him, then. And about the kissing - I can't actually, any- FORTINBRAS. (Slapping his hand away.) I'm fine! I'm fine!
more, because I'm about to get married. Leave me alone! (With surprise.) The maidenslll
OPHELIA. To whom? GERTRUDE. We asked them to pray with us.
FORTINBRAS. Uh ... someone Polish. I'll just be on my way CLAUDIUS. They seemed to need it.
now, ok? So ... 'bye. (He starts out.) FORTINBRAS. You let them see you? You could've terror-
OPHELIA. Wait right there! (Fortin!Jras stops.) Are you saying ized them!
my kiss doesn't do anything for you? GERTRUDE. They don't know who we are.
FORTINBRAS. Of course. It does too much! That's the CLAUDIUS. They don't even know we're dead.
whole problem. FORTINBRAS. And no one's going to tell them! Get out!
OPHELIA. I'll tell you what the problem is. The problem GERTRUDE. Again?
is you and Hamlet. S~re, Qphelia~_§.!!_.~ for a _good time now__ FORTINBRAS. I have things to dol
":'.'<l~but the minute you ha~e_f_l'riority, ~a CLAUDIUS. There's something you should know about these
~t the window! maidens-
FORTINBRAS. No, you don't...l FORTINBRAS. I know what I need to know. Go! ~ c.,~
OPHEUA. Listen to me - don't get married! CLAUDIUS. You'll be surprised - \ r ·
FORTINBRAS. I have to. FORTINBR~L\S. Out! (Gert_rude and ?laudius exit -,separately. ~~\
OPHEUA. If you love me, you won'tl To the Mazdens.) So. Prapng. That s. love.. ly. That s very ... t·
FORTINBRAS. (Tom, but resolute.) I'm sorry. maidenlike. (Suddenly remembering.) Why axrLL__talking to you? \ j.
OPHELIA. (Storming out.) Oh- why can't someone just kiss me ~
and do what I want?!!!
FORTINBRAS. (With a look at Marcellus and Bamardo.) You
You don't speak a word.
1st MAIDEN. (With a strong accent.) You ... want it bad?
·
j ~ .'\
.\, \ ~
~
FORTINBRAS. What?
are a great he!EI (He exits. Lights Jade to black.) - 2nd MAIDEN. (With an accent.) Hot time ... my stud? ~~·4' j J-
~ot~ f'n "'t V"~,cQ 'f 3" -~~- ,nc\[Link] ,n ~ i ~;) FORTINBRAS. How do you ... ? How can you ... ? tJ~t-tl~~~~~"\
1st MAIDEN. I give you good gallop.
2nd MAIDEN. I can be naked in one minute.
Scene 5 FORTINBRAS. Who taught you to say this?
1st MAIDEN. I love a good soldier.
A hall in the castle. Claudius and Gertrude are on their 2nd MAIDEN. Let's do it on the horse!
knees praying silently, heads bowed, with the two Maidens. FORTINBRAS. My palace guard- ?I Do you even know what
Fortin!Jras hurries in, looking behind him and muttering. you're saying?
Neither he nor the Jour praying notice each other at first. 1st MAIDEN. (Kneeling, kissing his hand chastely.) Give it to me
hot and heavy.
FORTINBRAS. (To himself.) She had no right to yell at me. FORTINBRAS. Those- I I'll have them whipped! (The Maid-
No right at all. I am through with ghosts forever, and ens look anxious, confused.) Not you! Listen - I need you for
that's - 1 (Fortin!Jras Jal~ (Jf)eT Claudius.) Aghl something honorable. I need you to marry me. (They don't
understand.) To marry? Understand? (He mimes putting a wedding
MAIDENS. Oh11
ring on and off his finger. They confuse this with a graphic gesture.)

.......---.
GERTRUDE. Your majesty - 1
CLAUDIUS. (Helping him up.) Are you all right? I'm heart-

52 ____________ 53
 MAIDENS. (Shocked.) Oh - ! FORTINBRAS. (As the Maidens gravitate unavoidably to Ham-
FORTINBRAS. No - a wife! To take my mind off- I can't let.) Well, try!
go into it right now. (Grabbing the 2nd Maiden, placing her at his HAMLET. I'm trying. (This only impresses them more.)
side, putting his arm through hers.) Husband? Wife? Understand? MAIDENS. Ooooo!
2nd MAIDEN. Have you ever seen such a big one? FORTINBRAS. I'm married to one of them!
FORTINBRAS. Damn it! It doesn't matter. I'm the King, and HAMLET. Really? Which one?
I can do what I want. I can even marry myself. Now- which FORTINBRAS. Urn ... her.
one of you? Who cares, as long as you're not Ophelia. (He HAMLET. What's her name?
clasps the 2nd Maiden a bit tighter. To the 1st Maiden.) You can FORTINBRAS. It doesn't matter! Keep your hands off!
be the witness. (Moving the Maidens away.) What is it with you ghosts? Do you
1st MAIDEN. Do you want me to watch? have a special musk, or what?
FORTINBRAS. Right! (To the 2nd Maiden.) Do you, urn HAMLET. (To the Maidens, in Polish.) I wish you both could
before God and everybody, urn ... take me for your lord and stay.
master and husband? Say "I do." (She stares at him blankly.) "I MAIDENS. Ooooh!!!
y - do." Say it: "I -do." FORTINBRAS. Stop it! Stop it! Don't tell me you speak
..JW-\: ~u , 2nd MAIDEN. (Recognizing the phrase.) Ah! I do it on the Polish- I
~\Jb floor with you. HAMLET. I picked up a little at Wittenberg. (To the Maid-
FORTINBRAS. No - ens, in Polish.) Would you like to take a stroll?
1st MAIDEN. I do it with everybody! 1st MAIDEN. (In Polish.) I'd love to!
FORTINBRAS. No, not you! Don't an~er. 2nd MAIDEN. (In Polish.) Me tool (Hamlet starts to escort them
2nd MAIDEN. I do whatever you say. out.)
FORTINBRAS. Close enough! Good! And I, King Fortinbras FORTINBRAS. (Pulling them back, away from him.) Stop it! Get
of Denmark - and apparently several other places - take back here! Now! Right now!
you for my wife, and promise to, urn ... do a lot of things for MAIDENS. (Disappointedly.) Oooo ... l
you when I have time. All right? We're married. FORTINBRAS. Why don't you wait for me in the King's
1st MAIDEN. I will tickle you all night. chambers? I'll be right there. (The Maidens look blank.) The
FORTINBRAS. No, no - you're not my wife. She is. I'm King's chambers. The bedroom- where I go to sleep? (Mak-
making a few changes, ok? One wife at a time. It's not you ing a sleeping gesture.) Sleep? Sleep? To sleep, perchance to -
-you're lovely. It's just these damned ghosts. (Fortinbras stops. A cold shiver goes through him. The Maidens stare
HAMLET. (Appearing behind them, carrying a book.) We're not at him concemedly.) Get out! Get out! Go on! (Frightened by his
damned. We're not anything. (They tum. All three see Hamlet.) tone, the Maidens rush off.) What's happening to me?
FORTINBRAS. What do you want?! HAMLET. Could be a lot of things. The northerly climate,
HAMLET. Nothing. Just ... catching up on a little reading. the disorder of the world, the elusiveness of your opponent.
(The Maidens find Hamlet very impressive.) FORTINBRAS. Which is?

rJ\
MAIDENS. Ooo! HAMLET. Which is death.
FORTINBRAS. Hey- how come they can see you? FORTINBRAS. Polonius said I was in love with death.
HAMLET. It seems to be getting harder for us to tum it on HAMLET. He's entitled to his opinion. I never found him
and off. that well-read, myself. You seem awfully tense.

54 55
 JRTINBRAS. Well, why not? I fmally get my kingdom, and
~ can't even rule it, it's so plagued with ghosts. Scene 6
HAMLET. I suspect it's pretty much like any kingdom -
only here, we're more visible. When I was locked up in that The courtyard. We see a mans legs dangling lifelessly at least
box, I saw coundess ghosts. All around me. Speaking innumer- ten feet above the ground. No more than the legs are visible.
able languages. Dressed in fashions I'd never seen. Crowds of Horatio strides across the courtyard hurriedly. He doesn't see
the legs. Horatio calls out loudly.
them. Multitudes.
FORTINBRAS. What is wrong with my army?
HORATIO. Captain! Come here! (The Captain appears.) I've
HAMLET. I'd only be guessing. I was never that much of
a soldier. I spent most of my time at court, wondering what sent the King's message to our forces in the field. Tell me,
has Osric been released?
was wrong here. Maybe if you told my story.
FORTINBRAS. That story Horatio told me? With all the CAPTAIN. Released?
HORATIO. Yes, released!
ridiculous - ?
CAPTAIN. From his suffering, you mean?
HAMLET. It's true.
FORTINBRAS. It is? Even about the pirates? (Hamlet nods.) HORATIO. Exacdy.
It d~esn't matter. It's not what the people want to hear. CAPTAIN. Oh. Absolutely. He's been released, all right. (The
HAMLET. How do you know, unless you try? Captain exits with a sidelong look at the legs. Horatio doesn't catch
FORTINBRAS. What do you care, anyway? You're dead. this. Instead, he breathes a great sigh of relief He bends at the waist,
HAMLET. If you pass through a desert, wandering, lost, you letting his arms dangle. He straightens up, continuing this relaxing
might leave a litde cairn of stones. No one will ever find it. regimen into a stretch of his arms high above his head - at which
You yourself will die miles away, your body will disappear. point he sees the legs for the first time. He falls to the ground,
shocked.)
Even the cairn will be buried, in time, by the sand. But some-
how you want it to be there, the litde mark, deep in the HORATIO. My God! Osric! How could he?! How - !? You
enormous heart of that wasteland. It rna: neve d but were innocent!! You were innocent! (Osric enters from upstage.)
it exists. Becau~~-YQ!l__ exist~d. _That is how the truth works. OSRIC. Relax. It wasn't anyone's fault. The Captain misun-
(Offering Fortinbras the book, which has no title on the cover.) Hey, derstood.
this is good -you want to read it? HORATIO. Osric! But ... aren't you .. .!?
FORTINBRAS. Not at the moment. OSRIC. Yes. Very. "Release Osric from his suffering." That's
HAMLET. Well ... keep it anyway. Never know when the how he put it. A rhetorif~ __c:lj_~~t~r.
mood will strike. (Hamlet hands Fortinbras the book. Fortinbras HORATIO. Then ... you're a - ?
doesn't open it. Hamlet exits. Fortinbras looks at the book, opens it. OSRIC. What else is new? There's more of us than you by
He casually flips through a Jew pages, then something catches his eye. now. You can't float down a corridor without bumping into
He starts reading more closely. He exits as he reads. Lights Jade to two or three of us.
black.) HORATIO. How does it ... how does it feel?
OSRIC. Oh, don't be a tourist. You'll find out soon enough.
We all do.
HORATIO. Can't you tell me anything?
OSRIC. Only this: whatever you're doing to prepare for it,

56 57
don't bother. Maiden puts her arm in front of the 2nd Maiden protectively.)
HORATIO. Why have you come back? 1st MAIDEN. Bring on the regiment!
OSRIC. Come back? I never left. Look at me - I was just FORTINBRAS. No, no - let's not talk. Shh, please? It's
hanged. (They stare up at the liftless legs.) Don't know where I'm better if you don't ... talk. In fact ... (Delicately taking the 1st
supposed to go. Just the same old faces, the same old walls. Maiden by the hand and guiding her from the bed.) It's better if
The only thing different is the way I feel. you aren't in the bed at all.
HORATIO. What do you mean? 1st MAIDEN. (Disappointedly.) Oooo ....
OSRIC. Suddenly I don't feel like pleasing everyone. I used FORTINBRAS. (To the 1st Maiden.) I'm afraid you'll have to
to get so much satisfaction out of being of service.' Now, I ... wait out in the hall. (The Maidens look at each other, worried
rather resent thin~. - about being separated.)
HORATIO. You have reason. 1st MAIDEN. (Anxiously.) Oooo ... !
OSRIC. Oh, drop that eternally earnest tone, will you?! FORTINBRAS. It's just for the night -
(Catching himself.) There - you see? Resentment. Criticism. I 2nd MAIDEN. Ooooo ... !
don't know what's wrong with me. I should be looking for FORTINBRAS. (To 2nd Maiden.) Now, don't you start - !
somebody to toady up to. Instead, I'm being ... abrasive. MAIDENS. Ooooooo... !!! (The 1st Maiden slips out of his grasp
HORATIO. I'm sure it's in the service of some higher end. and hurries back to the bed. Fortinbras sighs.)
OSIUC. I don't think so. To be honest, I feel sort of ... on FORTINBRAS. Ok. Ok. Why should anything be easy? (Es-
my own. (Looking up at the legs again.) It's not how I thought corting the 1st Maiden out of the bed once more and towards a place
it would be. Then again, I'm not sure I ever thought of how to sit.) You sit here. All right? And look the other way. Just ...
it would be. Maybe it's different for everyone. Millions of dif- the other way. (As she does so.) Good. Good enough. So, urn
ferent deaths. Just as there are millions of different lives. ... wife - having exchanged our vows, pretty much - it's
(Turning suddenly to Horatio.) Did that sound philosophical? time that we ... urn ... (He sighs hopelessly, gets on the bed. He
HORATIO. A little. stares at her a moment, then raises the hook that's still in his hand.)
OSRIC. I've never been philosophical. (Osric looks at the legs Do you mind if I read a book? I know it may seem like an
once more, then exits thoughtfully. Horatio stares after him. Suddenly odd request, but actually I've gotten kind of ... involved ... (He
H oralio draws his dagger and rushes out a different way.) becomes engrossed in the book. She looks along with him.) I feel so
HORATIO. Fortinbras! Fortinbras!! (Lights Jade.) many things when I read it. Sensations. It's like I'm on the
battlefield again. I can almost hear the sounds. You know, the
way the men sound ... when they die. I wonder if this is what
Horatio meant by an education. (With a quick look to her.) It's
Scene 7 not about my battles - don't misunderstand. (Thoughtfully.)
It's not really about me at all. (The 2nd Maiden gently places her
The King's chamber. The two Maidens are sitting in Fortin- hand on his, stops him turning the pages. He stares at her. She hugs
bras's bed, much as in Act One, Scene 4. Fortinbras enters, him comfortingly. At first he can't respond. Then he suddenly takes
reading the book. He's startled to see the Maidens. her in his arms and holds her tightly - almost desperately. Claudius
and Gertrude enter. They rush to the bed. The Maidens can see them
FORTINBRAS. Oh! Yes ... you're here. The consummation! just fine.)
I completely forgot. (The Maidens watch him a bit warily. The 1st CLAUDIUS. It's true!

58 59
 FORTINBRAS. What - ?! FORTINBRAS. Get out! Get out, get out, get out, get out!!
GERTRUDE. Ophelia said you were getting married. (Fortinbras closes his eyes as he pleads. During his speech, Hamlet,
FORTINBRAS. What are you doing here?! Ophelia, Polonius and Laertes enter to join the others around the
GERTRUDE. We've come to bless your union. bed.) Just go! All of you - every ghost! I can't fight you any-
ClAUDIUS. Is this the consummation? We didn't want to be morel What do you want from me? I know I didn't tell the
late. (To Gertrude, of the bride.) Isn't she lovely as a bride? truth, but who ever does?! Why won't you depart!? Why won't
FORTINBRAS. Please- go! you let me be ... alive?! (Fortinbras opens his eyes, sees them all.)
ClAUDIUS. (To the 1st Maiden.) You're lovely, too. I hope IAERTES. We can't go.
I won't feel lust. POLONIUS. We need to be near you.
GERTRUDE. Don't speak of lust. HAMLET. At least, in spirit.
ClAUDIUS. How can I avoid it? FORTINBRAS. Ophelia- please! Get them to leave!
GERTRUDE. Think of the remorse! OPHELIA. Oh - now you want a favor? Tell me, how's the
FORTINBRAS. Get out of here! Now! consummation going?
ClAUDIUS. We can't. FORTINBRAS. Slow. Please, Ophelia. I'll do anything. I'm
GERTRUDE. We're still in sacred ground. sorry I wanted to get married. I just thought you and Ham-
ClAUDIUS. Please, unbury us. Hurry! let would be so much better suited -
FORTINBRAS. Have you no sense of decorum? This is is my OPHELIA. I admit, he had me charmed for awhile. There's
wedding night. something about all that negativity. But I'm over it now. And
ClAUDIUS. We're heartily sorry, but we have no choice. I'm willing ;o forgive you. Ifyou swear never to tell Hamlet's
GERTRUDE. You must do it now - or you'll run out of story.
time! ClAUDIUS. He'll tell it.
FORTINBRAS. (Struck by her comment.) What?! IAERTES. He must.
ClAUDIUS. ... In your busy day. HAMLET. All will come out.
FORTINBRAS. What's going on here? OPHELIA. (To the ghosts.) No, it won't! Why should it? Do
GERTRUDE. Nothing.
you_ wa.!_l_Lt<?_. !>~-~~!!!_t:~!>~!~_<t_~ -~--~~!!.f_h_ __gf__!!!~EQ~I-~~~,_"}C:_~h­
ClAUDIUS. A minor disinterment - that's all we ask. er_s.J!~~-~E-~---~'?.~.!~.?.
FORTINBRAS. No! Leave us! (Claudius and Gertrude look at POLONIUS. If we must.
each other, then suddenly make a gesture. Instantly, the two Maid- GERTRUDE. It's our choice.
ens can't see them. The Maidens look confused, fearful.) OPHELIA. It's not mine! You were worse than me - all of
MAIDENS. Ooooooo ... ??l (Gertrude and Claudius make another you!
gesture.) HAMLET. We admit that.
ClAUDIUS. Hello again. (The Maidens see them again.) OPHEUA. Not enough! (Qy:ietly.) Never enough.
MAIDENS. Ooooooooo.... !!! (The Maidens run from the room.) ClAUDIUS. It's over now.
FORTINBRAS. I don't care how many maidens you scare GERTRUDE. The time's up.
away. I won't dig you up - understand?! OPHELIA. There's always time!
ClAUDIUS. Please. POLONIUS. Not anymore.
GERTRUDE. Oh, please. FORTINBRAS. What are you talking about?
ClAUDIUS. Please. POLONIUS. Rest well, Fortinbras.

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 letting Claudius die shriven of his sins -
GERTRUDE. Rest well. FORTINBRAS. Of course-
HAMLET. Rest, my friend.
lAERTES. Rest. (The other ghosts all look at Ophelia expectantly. HORATIO. You think anyone believes mel? (Fortinbras knocks
She fights having to join this chorus, but something inside her is the dagger from Horatio's hand and bolts. Horatio grabs him and
defeated, and she does so through clenched teeth.) pulls him back. Both men simultaneously reach for the foils on the
OPHELIA. Rest, damn it! (All the ghosts make the gesture Clau- wall. They fight briefly, Horatio nearly running Fortinbras through at
one point.)
dius and Gertrude made earlier in the scene. Now Fortinbras can't see
them. He searches frantically as they all exit. He has the book.) FORTINBRAS. Careful - 1 (Fortinbras trips and his foil goes
FORTINBRAS. Where are you? Where are you!? What's flying. He scrabbles to his feet and Horatio stalks him.) Horatio -
im Olj t
going on? lVhat's going on!? (Horatio rushes in, his dagger ready.) HORATIO. , ''Would've killed him," they say! 'The Hamlet we 1/!:,
knew would've killed Claudius th~_!! __ anct th~_:r~J 4~.Y~ :f!lE:n ~ ot\AO') li~ ~
Horatio?!
would! 1" (Fortinbras makes--a move for his sword, but Horatio grabs
HORATIO. You villain! Osric is hanged!
FORTINBRAS. Hanged? That's ridiculous- I freed him. him and pushes him back on the bed, sword at his breast.) You see?!
HORATIO. He's hanging in the courtyard. Look for They understand Elsinore better than we dol They know that
yourselfl (Fortinbras peers out a window. His eyes widen.) here there's only one chance - one split-second- to take re-
venge 1 If that!!
FORTINBRAS. It's a mistake. My Captain must've -
FORTINBRAS. Someone save mel! Ophelia! OPHELIA!!!
HORATIO. You killed him!
(Horatio pulls back to strike the death blow.) NO!!!! (Swift blackout.)
FORTINBRAS. I didn't mean to-
HORATIO. Prepare to die!
FORTINBRAS. To die!? What are you - !
HORATIO. Someone, somewhere is going to die for what
they've done! Efficiently! At the appropriate time!
Scene 8
FORTINBRAS. Just because I killed Osric? By mistake?
HORATIO. Because someone's dead, and you're responsible. The battlements. Fortinbras ·stands looking through a tele-
If my lord Hamlet had done what I'm about to do - (He scope. Arrayed behind him are Osric, Claudius and Gertrude
thrusts the dagger at Fortinbras, who dodges and tumbles over the with the same pile of regal objeds. Dphelia and Laertes stand
over to one side, Hamlet to the other. Polonius stands next
bed.) to Fortinbras.
FORTINBRAS. Horatio-!
HORATIO. Take death like a man!
FORTINBRAS. You take death like a man! (Horatio thrusts OSRIC. (As Gertrude and Oaudius raise up the tapestry from the
pile.) What about this, Fortinbras?
again, misses.) Horatio ... Horatio - ! I'll tell the truth! Ham-
FORTINBRAS. Throw it in the moat. & t-e.p lo 01 <.K fr6m pO\.St -
let's true storyl! I was going to do it anyway! I'll tell the GERTRUDE. In the--moat?_____ m6Ylt~ l'11t-o [Link]- 111r 10\61-
truth!! CLAUDIUS. Are you sure?
HORATIO. I'm sick of the truth!! You know how many people
I've tried to tell that story? You know how far I get?! Right up FORTINBRAS. In the moat. (Looking through the telescope again,
as the arras is thrown into the moat.) Where's the army? They
to the part where Hamlet walked directly past Claudius at prayer
should be back by now.
and didn't kill him! (Missing again.) I try to explain the reli-
gious underpinnings of his decision, the whole problem of POLONIUS. It's a long and uncertain road. You've learned

'63
62
that. FORTINBRAS. And started home?
OPHELIA (Exasperatedly, to Polonius.) Oh, please. HORATIO. "And walked into the roiling Indus River, and
OSRIC. (Holding up the chalice.) Chalice? drowned."
FORTINBRAS. Moat. FORTINBRAS. Drowned?
OSRIC. Prayer bench? HORATIO. To a man.
FORTINBRAS. Moat. FORTINBRAS. To a man? (Horatio nods; reads on.)
CLAUDIUS. Moat? HORATIO. There's one more item. "Horatio, having failed
OPHELIA. (As these are thrown in.) Why not toss it all in the one prince and murdered another, today took his own life, in
moat? the Roman fashion. He can now - at last - be counted in
FORTINBRAS. I intend to. the ranks of the dead. A distinction he holds in common with
OPHELIA And just how do you plan to revenge yourself on practically everyone he knew. Certainly everyone he cared
the living, if you leave them no reminders? about." (Horatio looks first at Hamlet, then at Fortinbras, then reads
FORTINBRAS. I don't. on.) "No one can fully explain the recent spate of untimely
OPHEUA. But you were murdered. death within the walls of Elsinore - a seat of power and en-
FORTINBRAS. Not everything can work out. Oh, and lightenment once widely envied. Some have put forth the
thanks, everyone, for that great warning about my imminent theory that death somehow became the fashion at court for a
death. short time. Others think that a spiral of revenge more vicious
LAERTES. We gave you hints. and personal than ever before seen reigned here briefly. Still
FORTINBRAS. Hints? "Rest well, Fortinbras"? It was bedtime! others think that the dead, having discovered that there is no
(Looking through his telescope again.) Why don't I know where my final judgment, and sensing that they would soon dissipate
army is?! (Horatio enters with a parchment.) into nothingness, forever - occupied themselves with the tor-
HORATIO. I know where it is. ture of the living. T~ner__Qf__~!lsem~!!!_~![Link]~-~~L_()_~ly
FORTINBRAS. You do? Excellent. Where? until so many had died that there was, in fagL~~-_2Q._e__ ~2!:!4
HORATIO. (Unrolling the parchment, reading.) "A Summary of taKing-reve~~<:_~Q!l__ ~!!Y longer." (Horatio rdls up the parchment,
the Latest Events. The combined Danish-Norwegian-Polish- hands {i'to ___ Osric.) For the moat. (Gently taking the telescope from
Carpathian-Transylvanian-Anatolian-Trans Caucasian-Persian. . Fortinbras.) This too. (Looking out over the battlement.) When I
Mghan and Baluchistani forces under the supreme command first rode toward Elsinore, I thoughtj "What magnificence.
of Fortinbras have reached the banks of the Indus River." How bright the future must be, if men have progressed so far
FORTINBRAS. So that's where they are. as to build this." (Horatio exits.)
HORATIO. "There they stood for a long time, staring across FORTINBRAS. (To Polonius.) Was Horatio right about the
into that profound and endless universe of mysteries known as army? (Polonius starts to answer, decides against it, touches Fortin-
India." bras gently on the cheek, exits. To Hamlet.) Was he? (ophelia moves
FORTINBRAS. I distinctly told them to tum around. to Fortinbras.)
HORATIO. "Poised for the final, inevitable conquest this OPHEUA. Why should you care? You're dead.
proud array of forces, such as the world has never seen - the FORTINBRAS. I was responsible. My whole army.
army of Fortinbras- " OPHELIA. Oh, lighten up. Just means they'll get back here
OPHELIA. Get to the point. that much faster. Place is really going to be crowded.
HORATIO. "Laid down their arms - " FORTINBRAS. We're going to disappear forever.

64 65
OPHELIA. Will you stop talking like that!!? Maybe those of you MAIDENS. Ooooooo-!
who had lives will disappear, since you don't need afterliv_es. BARNARDO. You want it? (The Maidens nod. The 2nd Maiden
But ... people like me - opens the book, turns to a page at random. She starts to sound out
LAERTES. (Moving to Ophelia.) Come on, Sis. the words with her usual strong accent.)
OPHELIA. People like me ... ! (She can't finish.) 2nd MAIDEN. "For in ... For in dat-
LAERTES. Let's take a walk. MARCELLUS. (Looking over her shoulder.) That.
OPHELIA. With you? You can't even believe you're dead yet 2nd MAIDEN. "That ... Sleep? Sleep of ... "
LAERTES. It's sinking in. (Laertes escorts her out. Gertrude picks BARNARDO. Death.
·up the bouquet of dead flowers and drops them into the moat. She 2nd MAIDEN. "Death. For in that sleep of death, what
and Claudius exit as well.) urn-"
FORTINBRAS. I'm sorry I killed you, Osric. MARCELLUS. Dreams may come.
OSRIC. You ought to be. It was a dreadful mistake. 2nd MAIDEN. "Dreams".
FORTINBRAS. Can you forgive me? 1st MAIDEN. (Also starting to read.) ''Venn ve haf ... haf -"
OSRIC. (Making the bold choice.) No. (Osric smiles, pleased with BARNARDO. 'When. When we have shuffled off - "
himself,· and exits. Fortinbras and Hamlet are alone. Hamlet bends 1st MAIDEN. (Eager to continue by herself.) "Shuffied off ... dis
down and picks up the only remaining object: the book.) ... mortal ... urn-"
HAMLET. For the moat? (A beat. Hamlet moves towards the 2nd MAIDEN. "Mortal ... ?"
moat.) MARCELLUS. "Coil."
FORTINBRAS. Not Urn ... MAIDENS. (Together, nodding and smiling with accomplishment.)
HAMLET. Yes? Ah! "Coil."
FORTINBRAS. I ... can't decide. MARCELLUS. That's right- coil. (The Maidens beam at their
HAMLET. Well, when you read it, how did you like it? book. Barnardo ·looks uncertainly at Marcellus.)
FORTINBRAS. I was ... captivated. Is that the right word? BARNARDO. Coil? (Marcellus shrugs. The Maidens look at the
HAMLET. Yes. (With a look around.) They'll tell a story about book. The men too are drawn back to its pages. Lights fade to black.)
this place, no matter what we do. It could· still be this one.
(Fortinbras hesitates, then reaches for the book. Hamlet hands it to
him. Fortinbras holds it a moment, takes in the view one last time, THE END
then sets the book down on the battlement. The two men exit together,
smiling. After a moment, Marcellus and Barnardo enter quickly - RQ.J1 rJ\~j Q:, 6r~ln0\\ H01rn/eJ- ~ l;fi'PV~\-~ tv~ vv~\\ 0\S ~ pG\rvJ~
each of them arm in arm with one of the Maidens. They stare out o\ Q_; f\ CAj \_
over the battlement.)
MARCELLUS. (Pointing.) There! There's where we saw it!
1st MAIDEN. (Not understanding, but catching his mood.) Ooool
BARNARDO. The ghost of Hamlet's father!
2nd MAIDEN. Ooooo.
MARCELLUS. (Picking up the book.) What's this?
BARNARDO. I don't know. (Barnardo prepares to throw it over
the battlement. The Maidens quickly reach for it.)

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