1. |
Patience
02:03
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You were hoping that I would fall
like the paint that's been
peeling off the walls.
Like an old folk song,
that I used to sing for hours.
I don't know much,
and I'm out of touch.
I don't know much,
but I'm still waiting on an explanation
for some time.
Wait for it to come back down.
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2. |
Objectivity
03:39
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As you pace behind the front door,
you recall all the shit you said before.
So what, it happened.
Just forget it and move on.
You're a body without a sum,
a small subtraction.
Some rendition of yourself,
but you're not making any sense now.
You think you've got it in the bag this time,
but things will not turn out the way you planned.
Break away from the concept
that you're just an object
and I'm only what you can see now.
'Cause I'm on the outside, yeah,
I'm making progress
and I'm looking after you for now.
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3. |
A Thought
04:18
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You're peeling back the skin again,
underneath what you didn't care to find.
I'm finding out what you meant
when you said I was not worth the days that you'd spent.
I'll find another way to make it all make sense.
You were a thought that I had
and nothing more, nothing less.
You're headed down the road
and you're looking for a reason
to undo what you did,
and not make this next rest stop your home.
It's certainly alarming
when everything that you thought was in someone else's head
long before it was in yours.
I'll find another way to turn it inside out.
I'll find another way to make it all look right.
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4. |
Sweater, Half Open
02:45
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I filled a hole with all that I had to say
and covered it with what I did the next day.
When I came back home to see what I had done,
a tree grew from the mound that I'd begun.
And it looked an awful lot like me,
but the leaves were like the things I'd never be.
I built a home with all of my past mistakes
and it toppled over in a couple of days.
I am honestly so arid, I can't fall asleep.
And I try to fall asleep,
but I can't get it right.
It's all subjective and I'm dependent on ideas I thought I had.
I am changing back into someone I remember,
and I am changing back into someone I know.
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5. |
Evening Conversations
04:40
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Waking up is harder than it seems
with almond eyes closed staring back at me.
We're all alone so that is no excuse for you.
A crowded room for pairing serves no use for me.
So, all the time I fell right out into the wall,
Yeah, you had your doubt.
And I expected you to know that I was right,
I guess it never showed,
and it'll never show.
Talking with you is harder than it was
and you speak so loud and out of sync to us.
We can't hold on if there's nothing there to hold onto.
We're all afraid that we're getting old and there's no use.
For all the times you called me out
on being fair, but you never shouted.
And you expected me to see
that I was wrong and you were always free to leave.
I know they'd kill to see something they can't think about,
and they would kill to see it all come crashing down.
I know these lights used to be brighter when I was young,
but now they'll surround me 'til I crumble.
I know an object is an object
and it sometimes is something I can't hold.
I know a thought can become reality,
but it's the uncertainty that keeps me in the dark.
I was holding on,
and you're still holding on.
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6. |
Out Of Sync
04:19
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I've been throwing out the key to answers
to make room for what I deserve
and I've been reaching for something
that I can't quite understand.
Well, all the pages keep piling up
and they all look the same to me.
I was so out of sync for a while,
but you line me up when I need it most.
I've been giving all my things to strangers
to find out what my soul is really worth
and I keep counting the clouds 'cause sometimes
I think they only hang over my head,
and my head is full enough.
(Break away from the concept
and change what was never an option;
a way to make light of the honest truth.)
Sometimes I feel I'm too good for this,
but half the time I think I'm full of shit.
The consequences aren't an offering,
but still I always paid for your actions.
Sometimes we fall off and lose our head,
but half the time it's the reason we end up dead.
If we stay on track as long as we can
then we'll end up back where we began.
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7. |
As A World Entire
06:01
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Haunted by the thought of renaissance,
you were a wagon rolling on
and I could blame it all on something else
that I knew nothing about.
We were both obsessed with burning hopes
just to see the reflections in our eyes.
The oppositional reasons for a change
that seemed to happen overnight.
Followed by a harsh and proper stance,
you were falling down faster than you could stand.
It seemed so easy when drawn out like a map,
but once you crumble, God knows you can't come back.
So, what it's all mean if it's always wrong?
So, where's the time gone if time means nothing at all?
As a world entirely, it was the only reason I could see.
I will break apart and scatter the pieces around.
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8. |
Colours
04:40
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I was red with envy and yellow with bravery.
How can I speak honestly with all these lies inside of me?
Like an old man made of reeds, you stole all of my seeds.
What could you think of me now?
It's all I think of anyhow.
The lightning from Heaven, it finds me uneven;
a broken branch from your pine tree,
I'm shattering consistently.
While receiving ceramic attention,
I went to the sleeping hill on which you stand,
with your head in your shaking hands,
aligned your breath well into me,
and I'm asking myself "can it be?"
Don't let the smoke fill your eyes.
Kept outside awaiting a few days until there's nothing at all.
'Cause I will not be there to burn.
When there's nothing left around I'll ask myself the same old questions.
And I was open,
but your eyes were closed.
And you kept on asking me for what I sold.
So, now I'm leaving option for some kind of reason.
A sheet of marble on your head to replace the things you left unsaid.
Collecting the concepts, I copied the intent,
and I used it as my middle name,
regretting all I had to blame.
A noble move for you to make,
but it was always this way.
Well, I saw colours more vibrant than anything I'd seen before
when you turned your back on me.
And we left an open door breaking off the hinges,
then we let the light drown us.
And I think we're caving in again.
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9. |
It's Been So Hard
03:21
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We got carried away,
held up on the shoulders of our past mistakes.
And we're aging faster than ever before,
like bottles in rows lining up on the floor.
And it's been so hard,
I know it's been real hard for you to get through to me.
We kept our distance,
caught up in the shadows of our closest friends.
And we're losing context with every descent,
like pages torn out never to be replaced again.
And it's been so hard,
I know it's been real hard for you to get close to me.
And I knew this would happen again.
We get up just to fall and cave in.
And I think it's becoming a trend;
you can never make more than you mend,
and you'll never make more than you meant.
It's been so hard,
it's been real hard to make it all seem worth it now.
And I know that if there's a way,
you'll make it all make sense somehow.
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10. |
With An English Smile
03:49
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I'm starting to think that it's all in my head,
reading everything I never read
and tearing out the pages that I can't comprehend.
I think I'm falling down a rabbit hole,
losing everything I thought I sold
and forcing myself to face my father's feet
and to draw on "three."
I would really like to stay, but I can't.
(I'm telling everyone to get back to the door.)
I would really like to be there when you die.
I believe in every word that they said,
can't recite them 'cause they fell out of my head.
I think I'll put them back inside before I am mended.
'Cause you'll only see what you want to see,
and the rest will be swept towards me
and I will be covered.
You're so quick to prove you're right;
you always have to offer scars for all my words
and disguises for the earth.
You've headed out to form a plan
and kill off all your friends in one week,
then grow them back again
before they notice.
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11. |
Honesty
04:19
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An open box of matches next to the bed
and a can of paint colored in the words that were left by the door.
Yet I can't seem to find the knob anymore,
so I guess you're still around.
You were as honest as could be.
You were so overwhelmed by it all.
A coat covered in ashes over my head
and I was always on my back.
You were always in the gutter
and couldn't see through any other kind of truth
so I guess it's over now.
You were as honest as could be.
You were so overwhelmed, yeah.
You were as honest as could be
and I was always hoping that I could see.
(Wait for it to come back down.)
It's only half as far as it seems to be when you're standing on the ground.
(Wait for it to come back down.)
And if I had the answers, I'd keep them to myself.
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The Year Fifteen New York
Hopefully my sad songs will make you happy. -bd
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