1. |
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I’ve slowly stopped missing those nights that did nothing for me
And the people who only cherish the times that we shared that aren’t served by memory
When I’ve since tried to connect, I’ve been met by the palm of their hand
Followed by frustration and shame that lasted for days, and for a while I struggled to understand
But then I was slapped in the face by the beauty of not being important
Then I laughed until I coughed up blood when I realised just how big the world is
I used it to write your name on the wall in the box room
It was gone when I woke up the next day
A clear indication to walk away
Dreaming in darkness and violence, waking up in cold sweats
I'll take these fleeting moments of fear and self-doubt over a lifetime of regret
I stretched my soul as far as it could go
While you used your best toothache voice to sing words to me that could have meant anything
I can still feel each syllable sting
But I know this all counts for something
Praying for moments of silence, wishing I was the only one here
Well, you keep running away so I guess that we’ll play it by ear
I stretched my soul as far as it could go
While you used your best toothache voice to sing words to me that could have meant anything
I stretched my soul as far as it could go
Punctured holes in the dream
Grabbed on to another one’s seams
Adjusting to this new routine
Learning to love the in-between.
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2. |
Stay Awake
03:18
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You fell to pieces the second they left your room
Then you drifted off to a place where they can't hurt you
Where the sweetest song was sung from inside an iron lung
At a slow and steady pace in almost silence
When you came to you did your best to catch your breath
And said “All my fears will catch up to me in death”
And that sleep pulls you too close to the things that suffocate the most
If only those paintings had been named and not just numbered
We’re always waiting for that time of year when rest isn’t laced with guilt
And thinking of new ways to persuade the scales to tilt
Dear, I swear we won’t always be balancing on a knife-edge
But if all dreaming does now is splinter your thoughts and make you choke and bleed
Then stay awake with me
There are always bad memories setting fires in my gut
And looking forward to see if there are any wires that they can cut
But if I shut my eyes and breathe, sometimes I can snuff them out
If we don’t stray too far ahead then we won’t always get cut off at the knees
But if you’re scared of sleepwalking back towards the guillotine
Then stay awake with me.
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3. |
The Quartermile
02:34
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Faking a smile on The Quartermile
I appreciated the phone call, now I need somewhere to hide for a while
That folded sky didn’t fit in my pocket, so now I have no memory of it
And trying to hold on to that dream I had of you last night ripped both of my arms out the sockets
You said if this God didn’t deliver then you’d move on to the next
But you ran out of options much quicker than any of us would expect
I’m sorry this world didn’t deliver, now you’ve moved on to the next
At least the love you projected on us had a lasting effect
You tried your best but couldn’t pinpoint the moment of loss
Then you said every step you took felt like the Stations of the Cross
Now I don’t know what it is you’ve triggered in my head but dear, please make it stop
Please make it stop.
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4. |
Asymmetrical
02:47
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You said it would have been her 60th birthday today
And you were still sad that she lost her way
It’s not that I didn’t know how to react, I just didn’t at all
There were only so many times I could picture that fall
How are you meant to feel about feeling nothing?
(Because I feel fine about feeling nothing)
I saw your photo in the longlist
A stark reminder
Of who she used to be
and what I used to resemble
I've lied so many times about my face
Instead chose to embrace second-hand shame
And chose to cling on to the blame
I went back the next day to clean up my own blood
For years all I saw staring back at me
Was a weak, sad stranger
Who should have stuck up for himself
Who should have been more assertive
Who should have loved himself a whole lot more
Like he’s trying to now.
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5. |
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Let me know when you've thawed out
Please don't just close your eyes and pray
For things to once again freeze over
And for your skin to turn back to grey
I'm out here trying to catch all the colours
Most days I just can't keep up
But sometimes there’s no shame in admitting defeat
Then we can try to move on
(We do our best to move on)
I know it gets tiring running away and running out of air
Resuscitate yourself to find the paths you've paved don't lead anywhere
Sometimes we get caught up living the wrong life, but there's still time to make things right
Even though you're still telling the same jokes and smashing coke on Wednesday nights
Yeah, you’re still telling the same jokes and smashing coke on Wednesday nights
And I’m still having flashbacks of when
I was all dressed up to go to sleep
I had my favourite t-shirt on
I got so close
I’m still having flashbacks of when
I was all dressed up to go to sleep
I had my favourite t-shirt on
You felt so close
I’m still having flashbacks of when
I was all dressed up to go to sleep
I had my favourite t-shirt on
It all went black
I’m still having flashbacks of when
I was all dressed up to go to sleep
Now I do my best to stay awake.
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6. |
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The sun’s a little brighter than it was last year
I can almost see it through the thin sheets of bone that grew over my eyes at night
When I’d sit there waiting for my heart to stop
I’m glad yours didn’t
There's a couple years that I can't bring myself to talk about yet
Some days they rob me of the present
But after spending so long feeling dejected
I’m just happy that we’re still connected
Did you see the same faceless one as I did at night?
They spoke of botched executions, and sang several songs at once
They bred confusion, and instilled fear
But I’m still here, and you’re still here
Despite all they did for months to keep us near
I kept telling myself it was the sickness talking
And that my feet would stop bleeding if I kept on walking
I kept telling myself it was the sickness talking
I kept telling myself it was the sickness talking.
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7. |
Itchy Gums
03:07
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I used to use my nails to scratch my itchy gums
And to snuff out the flames on the back of my neck
I miss that like I miss the sound of fleas on cardboard
Thought of you sitting on the edge of my bed
Staring out the window, telling me you’re hard done by
Well, none of us are as fucking ecstatic as we look in those photos, dear
So just regurgitate the same old shit about telling your friends you love them
Over a set of chords that never sound the way they should
Maybe someday I won't struggle with the disconnect of being so well connected
For that I'm holding on
I want to live inside a sweeter song than this
With all the things I miss
I hope you sleep in a chorus that makes you smile someday.
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8. |
Death to the Encore
02:46
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I’m being fooled by the disconnect
I hear lies in the white noise
I see shapes in the darkness
That look like burning beds
But I know that you’re wonderful
And all these souls here are beautiful
And that’s what demands my focus
So my focus I shall give
It’s high-time to leave the ones behind
That made their mark when they made their motives clear
Some people will do anything
To get to where they think they belong
I don’t care much for the gatekeepers
Leave them to die in those cities
I’ll stay close to this small fire
That keeps me happy and warm
It closes up that hole in my chest
The one that’s perfect for snoring through
It keeps the past at a distance
Limping and covered in blood
What do all those high fives and half-baked smiles really translate to?
(Well, I think I have a far from rough idea and so do you)
All that faux sincerity only ever stops the light from shining through
I hear your name, I see your face
You’re so much more than advertising space
We don’t need to do anything
We’ll gravitate towards where we belong.
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9. |
No Part Harmony
02:48
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A thunderstorm stopped by tonight
And reminded me of that cold, sober sadness
That I know doesn’t stand a chance when life keeps on giving more back
Still sometimes I wonder if it’ll ever fully concede that all of this shame isn’t necessary
Until it does I’ll just have to keep wrapping up warm
And stay calm when I lie down and hear that ring
That’s when I can't concentrate on anything
But then I hear that no part harmony
My tinnitus is gone each time you speak to me
You're all I want to hear
Tomorrow doesn’t sound so bad
When I’m tuned in to your frequency.
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10. |
Internal Bleeding
03:03
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There’s someone else inside your head and when you blink they see right out
And report back to you each night with things that you should doubt
And suggestions for plans of escape and for cutting fresh holes in the sky
If lack of sleep tends to make them feel weak I’ll stay awake with you till they die
There’s a place inside my head, some nights it’s where I can be found
Suspended overhead whilst also stitched into the ground
Recently it’s been easier for me not to go back there
And that needle simply won’t thread
I’ll keep looking out and I’ll try reconnecting instead
Each time the line goes dead
I analysed each message deciphered from your pressured speech
And couldn’t agree more
There’s no need to pretend, let’s go back to the end and repeat
Letting go never sounded so sweet
I swear that you had me at the first word, I held out till the last
Just to make sure your voice wouldn’t leave
I keep it with me on nights like these
Although the light is gone, the warmth still carries on
The sweetest smile doesn't always have to be seen
I can feel it inside my mind
It reminds me that sometimes it’s nice just to breathe
I want you breathing with me
Please keep breathing with me
I coughed up three of my nightmares per each of my dreams
And showed them the finer points of suffocation before I buried them deep
There’s no way to know if they’ll melt away with the snow
But I know for sure that there’s no point walking round with someone else’s heart on your sleeve
So if we leave right now we’ll get there by tomorrow morning
Knowing there’s still time to start again.
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11. |
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They just kicked the door wide open, it batters off the walls of my mind
I barely recognise their faces, they barely remember my name
I remind myself that I’m doing better
They try to drag me back to when things were worse
I'd ask you for some reassurance but you're locked up at home
Firing off email after email to God, asking when he'll start doing his job
The only one I tried to send bounced back
So I gave up right after that
Then I tried to throw my liver through your window but it's just not hard enough anymore
I bet the rocks in-between my ribs would do the job
But I don't know how to get them out
They keep me awake at night then disintegrate in natural sunlight
At least now sometimes when I shut my eyes I can see those helical patterns
Letters spin around inside
I rearrange them into words that make more sense
Than the ones that I've been saying
Than the ones you’ve had to listen to since we first met
There’s a grenade inside my gut that has your name on it
Every few nights without realising I pull the pin
It hurts like hell but I smile every single time
There's a song stuck in my head, it sounds just like your voice
I hit repeat each time it ends, as if I have a choice
I turn it up when everything else gets too loud
Now I don't want to turn it down
No, I don't want to turn it down
It sent me off to sleep last night
None of those patterns had changed but the letters spun around and rearranged
They now spell out ‘I dream of a future now’.
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Wrong Life Edinburgh, UK
I'm Fraser. I play music under the name Wrong Life. I tried fooling people into thinking it was a proper full band with a
somewhat steady line-up but it didn't work, so here we are.
"... somewhere in between heartfelt, life-affirming contemporary pop-punk and smart indie-rock of the ‘90s and early ‘00s." - Keep Track of the Time
"Emo-ish punky bullshit." - me
Photo: Peter Voppmann Photography
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