MODERN FAMILY

"Full-Phil-ment"
Written by Rodney Ohebsion

Copyright 2016

INT. MITCH & CAMERONS HOME (BATHROOM) - DAY

A PLUMBER (late 40s) is sitting on the floor next to a

toilet, staring into space, looking confused, distracted,
and possibly insane.
Cameron walks in. The Plumber continues to stare. Cameron
knocks on the door. The Plumber still doesnt react.
CAMERON
Hello?
The Plumber looks at the toilet confused, thinking thats
where Camerons voice came from. He leans towards the toilet
bowl.
PLUMBER
(into toilet)
Hi.
CAMERON
Actually, Im over here by the
door.
The Plumber turns his head and looks at Cameron.
PLUMBER
Right.
CAMERON
Uh. How you doing in there?
PLUMBER
Good. How are you?
CAMERON
Im good. So, hows the toilet?
PLUMBER
Well. In laymans terms, the son of
a bitch wont flush. How are you?
CAMERON
Im good. And, uh, so, can we get
the son of a bitch to flush?
The Plumber looks at the toilet. He then grabs a plunger,
and begins using it violently on the toilet. Finally, he
sits down next to the toilet, and looks back at Cameron.
PLUMBER
My wife. Shes sleeping with my
cousin.

2.

CAMERON
Oh. Thats, uh... well. You two are
a great couple. Youll overcome
this.
PLUMBER
You dont know us.
CAMERON
Hm. Well. ... Can I get you
something to drink? DO you like
antioxidants? How about some
pomegranate juice?
PLUMBER
Liquor.
CAMERON
... How about a nice, refreshing
can of light beer?
PLUMBER
How about a big, dirty bottle of
Jack Daniels?
2

INT. DUNPHY HOME (LIVING ROOM) - DAY

Phil walks in through the front door. A second later, Claire

walks in through the kitchen.
CLAIRE
Hi honey.
They kiss.
CLAIRE
Why are you home so early?
PHIL
You know the house on Oak Street?
Sold!
CLAIRE
You sold a $2 million home!
PHIL
Did Michael Jordan three-peat
twice?
CLAIRE
Phil--I dont know what that means.

3.

PHIL
That means the home on Miller
Street--also sold!
CLAIRE
You sold another $2 million home?
PHIL
Did Michael Jordan three-peat
twice?
CLAIRE
Absolutely! Wow, Phil! Youre on
fire! You gotta get on your phone
and do some more selling.
PHIL
Im actually gonna take a few days
off to...
CLAIRE
You gotta keep the momentum going.
Its like youre Michael Jordan,
youve scored 50 points, the game
is tied, and you just got a pass
from John Elway. Shoot the ball!
PHIL
Good analogy. Except Michael Jordan
shot basketballs, and John Elway
passed footballs.
CLAIRE
Youre playing blackjack, and the
dealer just gave you 11. Double
down!
PHIL
Is the dealer John Elway?
CLAIRE
Forget the analogy, Phil! The point
is, you should go with the
momentum, and keep selling.
PHIL
... Honey. Lets talk about...
Purpose. Passion. Fulfillment.
CLAIRE
OK.

4.

PHIL
I sold two homes today.
CLAIRE
Yeah.
(puts up her hand)
High five.
He gives her a high five.
PHIL
(continues what he was saying)
And it was exciting at first, the
way I thought it would be. But then
the feeling died down. The
fulfillment just wasnt there. And,
I mean, who is Phil, if Phil
doesnt have fulfill-ment? I want
to add the full-ment to Phil.
CLAIRE
Well. Right now, Phil sounds like
hes full of something. And by the
way--John Elway never quit his job
to seek full-John-ment.
PHIL
Honey. I want to change careers.
...
(puts up his hand)
High five.
CLAIRE
No five.
PHIL
(flips over his hand, looks at
his palm, and then puts down
his hand)
Im just saying. I made a lot of
money today. We can live on that
money, while I try out a new
career.
CLAIRE
Let me guess. You want to be a
magician and/or gigolo.
PHIL
Close. I want to be an artist.
(puts up his hand)
High five!

5.

INT. DUNPHY HOME (LIVING ROOM) - DAY

(Documentary Scene interview)

PHIL
(to camera)
Let me put it this way. The ball
has been passed to me, and now Im
gonna shoot. Only the ball isnt a
ball. Its a paintbrush. Oh--and
Im not gonna shoot it. Im gonna,
you know. Paint with it.
4

INT. JAY & GLORIAS HOME (LIVING ROOM) - DAY

Gloria is talking to Manny.
GLORIA
Do you have any idea why Jay has
been playing video games so much?
MANNY
Mom. Let me explain something to
you about my relationship with Jay.
I dont understand him, he doesnt
understand me. Thats the delicate
balance of nature that allows this
ecosystem to work.
GLORIA
Hes a man in his 60s, and he
bought himself one of those
box-boxes.
MANNY
You mean x-boxes?
GLORIA
Whatever. Hes always playing the
box-box. He was up till 1 am
yesterday.
MANNY
Well--the good news is that he
doesnt go to bed at 8 pm, like
most people his age. I mean, youre
in your party years, hes in his
Social Security years--but youre
still living in the same time zone.

6.

GLORIA
You think Im still in my party
years?
5

INT. MITCH & CAMERONS HOME (LIVING ROOM) - DAY

Cameron is on the phone.

6

INT. MITCHS OFFICE - DAY

Mitch answers his phone.
MITCH
Yeah.
(Back and forth between Mitch & Camerons Home and Mitchs
Office)
CAMERON
(quietly)
I got a bit of a problem involving
the plumber. Hes been here for two
hours.
MITCH
Our toilet must be really broken.
CAMERON
Well. The son of a bitch wont
flush. But whats really broken is
the plumbers head. The son of a
bitch wont think.
MITCH
Have you tried using a plunger on
it?
CAMERON
The plumbers acting crazy, and
talking about how his wife is
cheating on him. I asked him to
leave--but he said that he wanted
to finish the job. Should I call
the cops?
MITCH
Yes, Cam. Contact the division of
Internal Affairs and Toilets.

7.

CAMERON
Mitch!
MITCH
Just go to the bathroom and have a
man-to-man chat with the plumber.
CAMERON
I treed that. He thought my voice
was coming from the toilet! And
that was before he started drinking
our whiskey.
7

INT. DUNPHY HOME (LIVING ROOM) - DAY

Phil has an easel, canvas, and paint set up, and hes
working on a painting. (The painting remains concealed to
the TV viewer throughout the episode.) Hes wearing a scarf
and flip flops.
Claire is sitting nearby on the sofa, watching TV. Haley
walks in.
HALEY
Hi mom.
CLAIRE
Hi sweetie.
Haley sees Phil.
HALEY
Um. Hi dad.
Phil turns around, stares at her for a few seconds, and then
turns around and continues working on his painting.
HALEY
(to Claire)
Uh. Two questions, mom. Whats for
dinner?
CLAIRE
Spaghetti.
HALEY
And, uh, which mental institute
should we put dad in?
Phil turns around.

8.
PHIL
Honey. I have a creative life that
balances out my overall life. When
you think about it, that actually
makes me saner than the rest of
you. Im not insane. Unless by
"insanity," you mean that Im in a
state of sanity, by doing work that
brings fulfillment.
He does a somersault, and then resumes working on his
painting.
HALEY
I was kind of with you until that
whole part about the somersault.
PHIL
Spaghetti!
Phi continues working on his painting.
CLAIRE
(to Haley)
Honey. Were still looking for the
right mental institute.
8

INT. DUNPHY HOME (LIVING ROOM) - DAY

(Documentary Interview Scene)

CLAIRE
Apparently, Phil has entered his
post modernist phase. Its marked
by vibrant colors and acrobatic
behavior.
9

INT. SUPERMARKET - DAY

Gloria is putting a loaf of bread in her cart. COLLIN (21,
good looking) is a few feet away from her.
COLLIN
Ive been here for five minutes. I
have no idea which bread to buy.
Like, what should I look for in a
loaf bread?
GLORIA
I dont know. Ive been buying the
same kind for five years.

9.

COLLIN
Im still trying to find the right
one.
She studies his body language. He seems very flirty.
GLORIA
Well... I think you should keep
looking.
COLLIN
You have the nicest voice.
GLORIA
(confuses / surprised)
What?
COLLIN
Say "what" again.
GLORIA
Are you doing the scene from Pulp
Fiction?
COLLIN
What?
GLORIA
"Say what again." You know.
Thats what the guy said in Pulp
Fiction
COLLIN
Ive never seen that movie.
GLORIA
Yeah. Its a little before your
time.
COLLIN
Well. If its on Netflix, how about
we watch it together?
GLORIA
I dont know. ll have to ask my
husband.
COLLIN
Oh. Well. You know, if you were my
wife, do you know what Id do?

10.

GLORIA
Im afraid to ask.
COLLIN
Id rush home every day to hear
your voice.
GLORIA
... Youre laying it on a little
thick--dont you think?
COLLIN
Ill bet your husband doesnt
appreciate your voice. Ill be he
never asks you about your day and
then listens. Am I right?
GLORIA
... How old are you?
COLLIN
Youre avoiding my question.
GLORIA
Youre avoiding my question. How
old are you?
COLLIN
Im an adult.
GLORIA
How adult are you? Put an age on
your adult.
COLLIN
Well. Im old enough to buy liquor.
GLORIA
Im old enough to buy heroin. Let
me put it this way. I watched Pulp
Fiction in 1994. You watched
Spongebob in 2004.
COLLIN
Well. I mean, these days, we both
watch 20/20.
GLORIA
Actually, I watch Destilando Amor.

11.
10

INT. MITCH & CAMERONS HOME (BATHROOM) - DAY

The Plumber is sitting on the floor next to the toilet,
finishing a glass of whiskey. Cameron walks in.
PLUMBER
Can your bring over some more
whiskey?
CAMERON
Well. We have a two drink maximum
in this bathroom. But, theres a
lovely liquor store a few blocks
from here. Ill just point you in
the right direction, and you can
head on down there.
PLUMBER
Im not done plumbing.
CAMERON
(takes out a $50 bill and
tries to hand it to him)
Heres $50. Jack Daniels is $17 a
bottle. So, mathematically, thats
good for you.
The Plumber looks at Camerons wedding ring.
PLUMBER
Is your wife cheating on you?
CAMERON
Well. I dont think so. Also, I
should point out that my wife is
a is a husband.
PLUMBER
You mean both of you are homos?
CAMERON
Well. In laymans terms, yes.
PLUMBER
Right. Yeah. I actually detected a
lot of gayness from you. But Im
just so distracted with my
marriage, that I forgot about your
gayness.
CAMERON
Hm. Well. Heres a reminder. Im
gay.

10

12.

PLUMBER
You know, Ive never had a
conversation with a gay before.
CAMERON
Yeah. That might explain why
you just referred to two gay men as
"homos," and one gay man as "a
gay."
11

INT. DUNPHY HOME (LIVING ROOM) - DAY

11

The doorbell rings. Claire opens it to reveal Jay.

CLAIRE
Hi dad.
JAY
Hi. I came to hang out with Luke.
CLAIRE
Really? Thats great. Hes in his
room.
JAY
Alright.
He begins walking up the steps. He comes back down, and
examines Phil painting shirtless.
JAY
(to Claire)
Uh...
CLAIRE
He sold $4 million worth of homes
today.
JAY
Great. That explains nothing.
12

INT. DUNPHY HOME (LUKES ROOM) - DAY

Jay walks in.
JAY
Time for a rematch.
LUKE
Its on.

12

13.
JAY
Youre darn tootin its on. Its
on like Donkey Kong.
13

INT. JAY & GLORIAS HOME (LIVING ROOM) - DAY

13

(Documentary Scene)
JAY
(to camera)
In the 80s, I used to take Mitchell
and Claire to the arcade. 323,915
points. That was my Pac-Man high
score. I set the arcades record
back in 82. But a month ago, I
played a few games of Madden with
Luke. He beat me. And now its on.
Its on like Donkey Kong.
14

INT. SUPERMARKET - DAY

14

Gloria in on her cell phone.

15

INT. DUNPHY HOME (LUKES ROOM) - DAY

15

Jay is playing a Madden Football video game with Luke. Jays

phone rings. He pauses the game and takes the call.
JAY
Hello.
(Back and forth between the Supermarket and Lukes Room)
GLORIA
Some guy is flirting with me.
JAY
Flirting? Like, is he harassing
you?
GLORIA
No. Its much more serious than
that. Hes complimenting me.
JAY
What?
GLORIA
Say "what" again, Jay! Say "what"
again!

14.

JAY
What? I mean, um. Honey. Did you
tell this guy that youre married?
GLORIA
Yes. He continued to flirt. Hes in
the frozen foods section right now,
and Im in cereal--but I think hes
gonna talk to me again later. Soon.
JAY
You have your pepper spray?
GLORIA
Yes.
JAY
Great. Use it.
GLORIA
Im not gonna pepper spray him just
for flirting with me.
JAY
Jut, you know. Hit him with your
purse.
GLORIA
He said that he likes my voice.
JAY
... What?
GLORIA
Jay. Dont say "what" again. My
voice. He said its like music to
his ears.
JAY
Well. In that case, you should
probably marry him.
GLORIA
Jay!
JAY
Gloria. Just leave the supermarket.
GLORIA
But we need groceries.

15.

JAY
We can eat out. IHOP has something
called a Rooty Tooty Fresh n
Fruity.
GLORIA
Jay--you should come down here and
make sure this guy knows were
together, so he wont get so fresh
and fruity with me.
JAY
Thats not what fruity means.
GLORIA
Jay!
JAY
Gloria--Id love to come down there
and throw Pop Tarts at your new
boyfriend. But right now, Im
spending quality time with Luke.
GLORIA
Oh. Well. I guess thats a good
excuse.
JAY
Its a great excuse.
GLORIA
OK. I love you.
JAY
I love you, too.
He hangs up.
JAY
OK. Unpause the game. 3rd down.
Five seconds later, Luke scores a touchdown.
LUKE
Boom! Seven to nothing. Next time
you play me, make sure you stretch
your quads before kickoff.
Luke gets on the ground to do a lying quad stretch.
LUKE
Like this.

16.
JAY
Thats it. Im taking you out of my
will.
16

INT. MITCH & CAMERONS HOME (BATHROOM) - DAY

The Plumber is now sitting on the toilet (with his pants
on). Cameron is standing next to him, holding a whiskey
bottle.
CAMERON
More whiskey?
PLUMBER
Fill er up.
Lily walks in.
LILY
Daddy--are you done with your
playdate? Its been, like, a
million hours.
CAMERON
No, honey. Were still drinking
pretend alcohol.
LILY
And playing pretend toilet?
CAMERON
No. Playing pretend toilet would be
very inappropriate. This is pretend
bartender. You know. Im working at
a bar, and hes sitting at a bar.
LILY
Oh.
She walks up to the Plumber.
LILY
Its my turn to sit at the bar.
The Plumber gets up. Lily sits on the toilet.
LILY
(to Cameron)
OK, bartender. Ill have a glass of
orange juice.
The Plumber stares at Cameron, not sure what to make of
everything.

16

17.

CAMERON
(to Lily)
One glass of orange juice. Coming
up.
He pours her an imaginary glass of orange juice.
PLUMBER
(to Lily)
You want some whiskey in that
orange juice?
CAMERON
No. No she doesnt. In this
establishment, we dont serve
pretend whiskey to minors.
PLUMBER
She can pretend to be an adult.
CAMERON
And you can pretend to be a
plumber.
PLUMBER
(to Lily)
My wife is cheating on me.
LILY
Cheating at what?
CAMERON
His wife cheats whenever they play
Go Fish.
LILY
(to Plumber)
Your wife shouldnt cheat.
PLUMBER
Yes! Youre right. You understand.
You know, if you were 30 years
older, Id leave my wife and marry
you.
LILY
Well maybe you can find a wife at
the bar.
(points to an imaginary women)
Like that woman over there.

18.

PLUMBER
She looks like a gold digger.
LILY
Whats a gold digger?
CAMERON
Its someone who digs to find gold.
LILY
Oh. Lets play that.
She does some imaginary digging.
LILY
Look! I found gold! Lots of gold.
Daddy--Im a gold digger!
17

INT. DUNPHY HOME (KITCHEN) - NIGHT

17

Phil is wearing a winter hat that covers his ears, and hes
holding a box.
PHIL
I got you something.
CLAIRE
Does this box contain your ear?
PHIL
No.
CLAIRE
Then why are you wearing that hat?
PHIL
Honey. Im in a creative field. So
sometimes I wear a hat, or
sometimes I pet a cat.
CLAIRE
I dont know how to respond to
that.
PHIL
Do you think this hat makes me look
fat?
CLAIRE
What?

19.

PHIL
Nothing. I just got carried away
with the rhyming thing. Open the
box.
CLAIRE
Its light.
She opens it.
CLAIRE
Its empty.
PHIL
It contains my soul.
CLAIRE
I see.
PHIL
No. You cant see a soul.
CLAIRE
Right. So, uh, what do you want me
to do with this soul?
PHIL
Dont you see?
CLAIRE
No. Thats the point.
He kisses her.
PHIL
Were soul mates. And now I want
you to give me your soul.
CLAIRE
How about I put my soul in a bowl?
PHIL
Now you get it.
CLAIRE
... Phil--what hell are we talking
about?

20.

18

INT. DUNPHY HOME (LUKES ROOM) - NIGHT

JAY
(very loudly)
30, 20, 10--Touchdown! Russell
Wilson!
He starts doing a touchdown dance.
Claire walks in and looks at Jay.
JAY
I, uh--I scored a touchdown.
CLAIRE
Yeah. I can see. Youre sweating.
JAY
Its, uh--your homes too
insulated. Its hot in here.
CLAIRE
Its not that hot. Phil is
downstairs wearing a winter hat.
Daddy--this is Pac-Man all over
again. The summer of 82. Remember
that? The rivalry you had with
Tommy Jones?
JAY
Yeah. He was the second best in
town. I was the best.
CLAIRE
You were in your thirties. He was
in fifth grade!
JAY
Hey. Everyone know that when it
comes to video game, age is a
disadvantage.
CLAIRE
Dad. Please just, you know. Try to
not be so insane. I already got an
insane artist hanging out
downstairs.
LUKE
Dad says that "insanity" can mean
that youre in a state of sanity.

18

21.

JAY
Absolutely. Luke--unpause the game.
Fourth quarter. Grandpas gonna
kick your ass.
19

INT. MITCH & CAMERONS HOME (LIVING ROOM) - NIGHT

19

The doorbell rings. Cameron opens the door the reveal CLARA
(45).
CLARA
Hi. Can I talk to Jeff?
CAMERON
Jeff?
CLARA
The plumber.
CAMERON
Right. Jeff. For some reason, he
referred to himself as Jehosophat.
CLARA
No. Thats what he calls his
plunger.
CAMERON
Oh. Well--Jehosopophat and Jeff are
both in the bathroom. Over there.
20

INT. MITCH & CAMERONS HOME (BATHROOM) - NIGHT

Clara walks in to the bathroom while Cameron watches.
JEFF / PLUMBER
Clara? How did you know I was here?
CLARA
You called me ten minutes ago and
told me where you were.
JEFF / PLUMBER
Right. By the way
(looks at Cameron)
--this is... whats your name?
CAMERON
Cameron.

20

22.

JEFF / PLUMBER
Cameron. Im Jeff.
CAMERON
OK, Jeff. Allow me to introduce
my plunger, Jebediah.
JEFF / PLUMBER
(to Clara)
Honey. This is Cameron. Hes a
homo. And hes married.
CAMERON
(to Clara)
Hi.
CLARA
Hi.
JEFF / PLUMBER
Youre sleeping with my cousin!
CLARA
Are you drunk?
JEFF / PLUMBER
I used to be drunk on my love for
you. But now Im just drunk on the
whiskey Jebediah gave me.
CAMERON
Um. Im Cameron. Remember?
CLARA
(to Jeff)
What makes you think that Im
sleeping with Tony?
JEFF / PLUMBER
I wasnt talking about Tony. I was
talking about John.
CLARA
What makes you think Im sleeping
with John?
JEFF / PLUMBER
You both like that movie. The one
with that bearded guy. The funny
guy with the beard. You know that
movie.

23.

CLARA
The Hangover?
JEFF / PLUMBER
Yeah. You were both watching it and
laughing. As in, "Ha ha ha. Were
sleeping together."
CLARA
Honey. Im not sleeping with him. I
love you. You mean everything to
me.
JEFF / PLUMBER
The Hangover isnt even that good.
CLARA
Well. Its pretty good.
JEFF / PLUMBER
Yeah. Its pretty good. But its
not that good. There are some funny
parts, though. I like the bearded
guy. And the Chinaman. And that
black guy. The boxer.
Cameron drinks some whiskey straight out of the bottle,
which is almost empty by now.
JEFF / PLUMBER
So youre not sleeping with John?
CLARA
No.
JEFF / PLUMBER
Or Tony?
CLARA
Or Tony.
JEFF / PLUMBER
(points to Cameron)
Or this homo?
CLARA
I dont even know this homo.
Honey--I only have eyes for you.
(to Cameron)
Hes the jealous type. This happens
every month or so.

24.

CAMERON
Ah.
Cameron drinks some more whiskey out of the bottle.
JEFF / PLUMBER
I love you, Clara. Come here.
They kiss very romantically, and dont stop.
CAMERON
Um. Ill just leave you alone for a
minute or two.
He closes the door.
CAMERON
Feel free to fix the toilet when
youre done.
21

INT. DUNPHY HOME (LUKES ROOM) - NIGHT

21

Jay is on the phone with Gloria.

JAY
Hey, honey. Im done with my
quality time. I won 17-14 in
overtime. I mightve cheated,
though.
22

INT. DUNPHY HOME (LUKES ROOM) - NIGHT

22

(Earlier / Flashback)
Jay knocks the controller out of Lukes hand.
LUKE
Hey!
23

INT. DUNPHY HOME (LUKES ROOM) - NIGHT

GLORIA (V.O.)
Oh.
JAY
Is that guy still flirting with
you?

23

25.

24

INT. CAR - NIGHT

24

GLORIA
No. Im on my way home.
(Back and forth between the Car and Lukes Room)
JAY
You know, Im kind of in the mood
to have it out with him now. Did
you get his license plate number or
anything?
GLORIA
I dont think hes old enough to
drive. Jay--let me ask you
something. Do you want to hear
about how my day was?
JAY
Absolutely.
GLORIA
Do you want to hear it in my voice?
JAY
I want to hear everything in your
voice. I dont understand half of
what youre saying, but I like the
sound of it all.
25

INT. DUNPHY HOME (LIVING ROOM) - NIGHT

25

Phil is alone. His easel is turned so the canvas is facing a

wall.
PHIL
(announcing to the rest of the
home)
Everyone come here! Its time for
the art exhibit!
Claire and Haley come in from the kitchen.
Luke and Jay come down the stairs.
JAY
This should be interesting.
Alex walks in through the front door.

26.

PHIL
Alex. Perfect timing.
ALEX
Um. What did I miss?
CLAIRE
Long story.
HALEY
(to Alex)
Short version: dads insane.
LUKE
But only because hes in sanity.
CLAIRE
And hes adding full-ment to Phil.
ALEX
OK. That explains nothing.
PHIL
(addressing everyone)
OK, guys. I know Ive been acting a
little weird today.
JAY
No weirder than usual.
PHIL
I just--I realized that I wanted to
do more than sell homes. Or do
magic. I mean, Im not abandoning
real estate. Or magic. Or being a
gigolo. But anyways. Without
further ado. Here it is.
He turns around the easel and reveals the painting. (It
still remains concealed to the TV viewer.)
HALEY
Thats... good.
ALEX
Im still not clear on whats going
on right now. What exactly is
full-ment?
CLAIRE
(to Phil)
(referring to painting)
(MORE)

27.

CLAIRE (contd)
I like it. I mean, I also like it
when you sell $4 million in homes
per day. But its a nice painting.
JAY
I gotta say. Its a great painting.
PHIL
Do you mean, it, Jay?
JAY
Absolutely. You know what? Id be
honored if youd let me buy it, and
hang it in my home. Now, I cant
give you $4 million for it.
LUKE
How about 3.9 million?
JAY
Sold. Send me the bill.
CLAIRE
(to Phil)
Wow. That brings you up to $7.9
million for the day.
Jay grabs the painting and walks towards the door.
JAY
Alex. Open the door for me.
Alex opens it.
Jay walks out with the painting.
ALEX
Hm. So. Whats for dinner?
HALEY
Spaghetti!
26

INT. MITCH & CAMERONS HOME (LIVING ROOM) - NIGHT

26

Cameron is sitting on the sofa and has the whiskey bottle in

his hand.
Mitch walks in.

28.

MITCH
So. What happened with the plumber?
CAMERON
Clara dropped by. You missed the
make up scene.
MITCH
Whos Clara?
CAMERON
Jeffs wife. It turns out that
Clara wasnt sleeping with John. Or
Tony. Or this homo.
MITCH
Are you talking about Days of Our
Lives?
CAMERON
Days of our bathroom.