The Rescue

Triangle
or
the art of being in charge of yourself
and not controlling other people

by
JanPieter Hoogma & Teresa Tinklin

Short Version 2.0

1 July 2000

a CornuCopia publication
 The aim of Cornucopia Publications
is to provide easy to read literature
that is supportive of Co-Counselling

This publication provides an introduction to the Rescue Triangle. It forms the

first two sections of a longer publication, which we are still writing. The
longer version will also have chapters on socialisation, liberating yourself
from the Rescue Triangle and on how to teach the Rescue Triangle. If you
would like to be informed when the full publication is available, please email
teresa.tinklin@ed.ac.uk or contact JanPieter Hoogma at the address below.
To receive further copies of this publication send a cheque for £1.70 made
payable to CornuCopia with a stamped addressed A4 envelope to
JanPieter Hoogma
32-A Inverleith Place
Edinburgh EH3 5QB
Scotland.
Packs of 10 are available to teachers who would like to give this as a handout
on Fundamentals, at a cost of £10 + £2 post and packing (UK).
Alternatively you can read it on the internet at the CornuCopia website. Its
address is www.coco-home.demon.co.uk

Constructive and positive feedback came from: Anne Denniss & Margaret Anderson
Art by Anne Denniss, Lay out by JanPieter Hoogma

2 ! Chapter Introduction
Introduction

As we grow up, we naturally learn ways of controlling our environment. This

includes developing patterns of behaviour that we use to control the
behaviour of other people. This is not a negative process - all our patterns
were developed for a positive reason, perhaps to protect us from something or
to allow us to survive a particular situation. Often, however, people keep on
behaving in these patterned ways when it is no longer constructive or
appropriate to do so, without being aware that they are doing it. Co-
Counselling helps us to become aware of our patterns so that we have more
choice about how we act.
The Rescue Triangle describes common patterns that we may have learned
that help us control other people's behaviour. This booklet describes those
patterns and how they inter-relate with each other. Knowing about the
Rescue Triangle will help you become more aware of when you or other
people are acting in controlling ways. Awareness of your patterns is the first
step in being able to change them.
Knowing about the Rescue Triangle will help you become more aware
of when you or other people are acting in controlling ways.
Everyone being in charge of themselves is very nice in theory but sometimes
people's Rescue Triangle patterns can get in the way of this happening.
Knowing about the Rescue Triangle will help you to move towards being in
charge of yourself. And, as you become more in charge of yourself it is more
likely that you will leave other people in charge of themselves.
Knowing about the Rescue Triangle will help you to move towards
being in charge of yourself and will help you to leave others in charge
of themselves.

Why is the Rescue Triangle so important

for Co-Counselling?
One of the basic principles of Co-Counselling is that people are responsible
for themselves. If you need something, it is your responsibility to ask for it. If
you don't want to do something you can say 'no'. As client you are in charge of
your session: it is up to you to use your time however you want. This might
mean refusing or ignoring a suggestion from your counsellor.
Everybody being responsible for themselves is very freeing: in sessions, in
socialising and in relationships. If each person is in charge of themselves and
you feel you can rely on them to ask for what they need and to say 'no' if they
want to, you don't need to worry about how your behaviour is affecting them
and you can just get on with being yourself.

Chapter Introduction ! 3
 Introducing Questabel
At this point, we would like to introduce you to a friend of ours, Questabel.
Questabel likes to understand things so she asks lots of questions. When we
think we have explained something, Questabel will come up with a question
which really makes us think. Sometimes trying to answer Questabel's questions
or doubts helps us to clarify for ourselves what we mean. We really like
Questabel's questions, so we have included some of them in the booklet.

4 ! Chapter Introduction
What is the Rescue Triangle?

There are three roles in the Rescue Triangle. These are:

• rescuer
• aggressor
• victim
We will explain the roles first, then describe how they interact with each other. Each role
may be expressed in different ways.

Victim role
Someone in the victim role generally feels bad inside and powerless,
although some people actively play the victim role with relish.
• Someone in the victim role feels like a victim of what is happening
around them. They feel at the mercy of the situation they find
themselves in. They feel hurt by things that happen and not in
control of themselves and their lives. They feel sorry for
themselves and think 'poor me'.
• Or they feel guilty because they feel it is their fault that someone
else is feeling bad or that something has gone wrong.
• Or they may act aloof. They act as if they are OK when in fact
they don't feel OK inside. This is to avoid giving anyone
information that could be used against them.

QUESTABEL: But you're not trying to control anyone when you feel like a victim, how
does being in the victim role control or manipulate someone else's behaviour?
Victims can be very powerful figures. People around them may feel guilty or responsible
in some way for the victim's suffering and try to make them feel better or at least avoid
adding to their suffering. They may act to try to keep the Victim quiet or happy which
may involve denying their own needs and wishes.

RESCUER
actively making somebody feel better
actively protecting somebody from feeling worse
giving unsolicited advice
Wishing somebody feeling better is not rescuing!

AGGRESSOR VICTIM
PERSECUTING playing 'POOR ME'
STEAMROLLER, BLAMING playing / feeling HURT
INTIMIDATING playing / being ALOOF
INQUISITING for weak spots playing / feeling GUILTY

Chapter What is the Rescue Triangle? ! 5

 Aggressor role
There are three versions of the aggressor role.
• The Persecutor harasses or oppresses others in order to control
them.
• The Intimidator behaves in a threatening or violent way towards
other people. The Intimidator uses the threat of emotional or
physical violence to control the behaviour of others.
• The Steamroller talks loudly, is brash, insistent and
intimidating, and contradicts or ignores virtually everything you
say. Their overriding aim is to get their own way. They ask a lot of
questions, but they are not interested in answers. Their blaming
behaviour is just designed to break their victim down. If they keep
on the attack maybe no-one will notice how insecure and exposed
they feel.
• The Inquisitor also asks lots of questions, but is very interested
in the answers. Inquisitors want to get information out of other
people which they can use against them later. They are good at
gaining trust and they use this to discover other people’s weak
spots.

Rescuer role
The Rescuer acts to stop people from feeling bad, to rescue people
from some perceived harm or to prevent a situation from becoming
worse. Those acting in a rescuing pattern try to make people feel
better or at least prevent them from feeling worse. They try to avoid
hurting other people's feelings. They try to solve other people's
problems for them and often do that by giving unsolicited advice.

How do the roles interact with each other?

As we have already explained, there are three roles in the Rescue Triangle -
the victim, aggressor and rescuer. It's called a 'triangle' because the roles
interact with each other and once you get into one role it is easy to move
around the triangle into other roles. In fact, if two people both start acting in
the Rescue Triangle with each other they may dance together around the
triangle, each switching from one role to another and back again. Once in,
especially if you are both in, it's hard to get out.
An example. Jenny gets distressed during an exercise on Fundamentals.
Another course member, Rita, thinks she can see the answer to Jenny's
problem and tells her what she thinks she ought to do. Jenny gets angry and
tells Rita to mind her own business. Rita gets upset then and feels attacked
and starts crying. Jenny then feels bad and tries to say she's really sorry and
that she really likes Rita and thinks she's a great person ... They are dancing
together around the triangle. The dance continues until one person 'wins' the
energy of the other.

6 ! Chapter What is the Rescue Triangle?

‘Rewards’ of the Rescue Triangle
It can be rewarding acting in the Rescue Triangle. You may actually get
someone to behave in the way you want them to by bullying them or acting
like you are their victim. You can also get a kick out of getting what you want
from someone else. However, there is usually also a cost to getting what you
want using the Rescue Triangle. For example, if you bully someone into doing
the washing-up, you may get the washing-up done and feel good because you
got what you wanted. The person doing it, however, will probably do it with
some resentment. The risk is that they store this up and 'get you back later'
or sabotage the job in some way. So getting what you want from other people
using the Rescue Triangle may be rewarding in the short-term, but in the
long-term there is usually a cost.
Working things out through the Rescue Triangle usually gives you a
dysfunctional solution. For example, in the workplace if a manager tries to
get a task done by bullying an employee, the focus of both their energies
becomes the power struggle, rather than the task itself. Even worse, the task
itself can become a tool in frustrating each other.

The energy exchange

When someone controls another person's behaviour through the
Rescue Triangle, they strengthen their own energy in some way
while the other person feels depleted. Have you ever felt an energy
boost or a 'high' when you feel you have solved someone else's
problem? Have you ever felt more secure and stronger in your
relationship because you have coerced your partner into doing
something for you to 'prove' their love for you? Have you ever got
people's attention by acting distant or aloof? If so, then you have
used the Rescue Triangle to get other people's energy flowing
towards you.
In the Oxford-Cambridge boat race, both teams expend about the same
amount of physical energy in order to cross the line. But the winners are
energised, triumphant, the losers depleted and exhausted. It's the same kind
of thing in the Rescue Triangle. One person feels energised, the other feels
depleted. In any Rescue Triangle exchange, there is a 'winner' and a 'loser'.
Playing the Rescue Triangle can be potentially addictive. People using the
different roles can give themselves a rush of adrenaline or feel good about
themselves because they have made somebody else do or feel what they
wanted them to. This can be used as a habit to avoid bad feelings about
themselves.

How do people learn the roles?

People act in different roles at different times. Generally, however, we each
favour one of the roles and tend to act in that one more often than in the
others.. Each person has one role as a 'home base'. Each of our parents will
have had a tendency to act in one of the roles more often than the others. As
children, if we were exposed to a parental figure acting in one role
repeatedly, the chances are we developed a tendency for a matching role.
These are the most common matches.
Chapter What is the Rescue Triangle? ! 7
 Interrogating parent - Aloof child
The child withdraws and becomes aloof to defend him or herself against the
intrusive questions of the parent.

Aloof parent - Interrogating child

The child tries to get the parent's attention and energy flowing towards him
or her by asking questions.

Intimidating parent - ‘Poor me’ child

The child learns the role of victim in response to the parent's intimidation.
As victim they try to get the parent's energy flowing towards them by
eliciting sympathy. The child develops the victim role to try to avoid being
intimidated.

Victim parent - Rescuing child

The child acts to try to prevent the parent suffering more than they seem to
be already. The child tries to keep the victim parent happy, usually at the
expense of his or her own needs and wishes.

Rescuing parent - Rescuing child

The parent may choose to always put the child’s needs first at the expense of
their own needs. But at times the parent collapses and the child feels guilty
about this. The child may then be in the position of looking after the parent,
which usually involves denying his or her own needs and wishes.

What's the alternative?

The alternative is relationships in which people are not trying to control each
other. If people give up trying to control each other, they are left with trying
to find ways to co-operate with each other and trying to negotiate openly with
each other to find solutions to problems.
Energy gets tied up in the Rescue Triangle, so getting out of it frees up
energy. People who are not trying to control each other are more likely to
enjoy each other's company in a way which feels clearer and more balanced.

QUESTABEL: So you're saying it's wrong to be in the Rescue Triangle?

We are not saying that it is right or wrong to behave in any of these ways. That
would lead us into a complex philosophical debate about right and wrong. A lot
of it depends on the situation. For example, most people would probably be
grateful to be rescued if they were drowning in a pond or stranded in the top
floor of a burning house. Our aim is to raise awareness of these patterns so that
people have more choice about how they behave and to support people to be in
charge of themselves.

8 ! Chapter What is the Rescue Triangle?

So what is healthy support?
Healthy support:
• is negotiated. It’s OK for the other person to say ‘no’, or to ask for
something different
• leaves people in charge of themselves even when this means they will have
to live through their own struggles (they will grow from them!)
• supports people to develop their own skills
• is given with attention free of restimulations, preoccupations or other
distractions
• means nobody gains energy from each other

The positive side of Rescue Triangle roles

There is a positive side to the Rescue Triangle. The skills we learn in Rescue
Triangle roles may prove useful to us in our lives in other ways. That is, if we
stop using them manipulatively. It is not necessary to discard or reject skills
that we have used manipulatively in the past. It is the manipulation that is
unhealthy. In fact the skill involved may prove to be useful if used in a non-
controlling way. If you have learned to be an Inquisitor, for example, you will
be good at asking questions and eliciting information from other people. An
Inquisitor may make a good journalist, because these skills are useful in that
job. Someone who has learned to take on the Victim role may have learned
compassion which he or she can use in positive and non-controlling ways.
The challenge is to how you could use your Rescue Triangle skills in a
positive and non-controlling way.

Chapter What is the Rescue Triangle? ! 9

10 ! Chapter What is the Rescue Triangle?
The Rescue Triangle in sessions

In the outside world it is quite common for one person to try to control the
behaviour of another, for example, think of some of the ways a parent might
try to get her child to do his homework. Because of this, controlling patterns
could quite easily slip into the client-counsellor relationship. There are,
however, several measures in place in Co-Counselling to prevent this from
happening. In this way Co-Counselling provides, in its session structure, a
good opportunity for people to become familiar with non-controlling, healthy
patterns of support and people taking responsibility for their own needs.
Here are the ways in which Co-Counselling models healthy support.
The Client is Always in Charge. This means that he or she can refuse the
counsellor’s suggestions and do whatever she needs to do to maximise the
benefit of the session for herself. This removes the counsellor’s automatic
authority.
Co-Counselling training is primarily Client Training, This prepares the
client for being in charge of their process and their session. Although this
approach is not always taken on Fundamentals courses in different places.
The Free Attention Contract also assumes that the client is in charge and
is able to run their session on their own behalf.
‘Equal Time’ for sessions. This means that there is no chance that one person
can rescue another by ‘giving’ them more time.
Counsellor gives Suggestions, which means that the client can ignore them.
(Although in some parts of the world the word 'Intervention' is used).
Despite these measures, controlling patterns can still slip into the client-
counsellor relationship. Hence the rest of this chapter, which raises
awareness of how to deal with those patterns once you perceive them.

You in the counsellor role

1. How to recognise that you are in the rescue triangle as

counsellor?

Symptoms of you RESCUING your client

• feeling very involved in the client's session
• leaning forward
• feeling responsible for the client's work, 'success' or 'failure' in the session
• trying to say the right thing or trying not to 'get it wrong' as counsellor
• trying to solve the client’s problem; giving advice
• trying to stop the client from feeling distressed

Chapter The Rescue Triangle in sessions ! 11

 Questabel: At risk of repeating myself, I need to ask again: What is
wrong with wanting to help my client?
There is nothing wrong with wanting to help your client per se. It is a
healthy-enough attitude to want to make a difference in the lives of other
people, as long as you are not unawarely doing it to feel better about
yourself or to give yourself an energy boost.
There are different ways of helping your client. Rescuing them may give
them a short-term solution, but Co-Counselling focuses on long-term
changes. In the long term, it is more helpful for people to rely on their
own resources to solve their problems. Being there for someone and
witnessing their process as they develop their own truth will contribute to
a far more fundamental change in their lives in the long-run.

Symptoms of you PERSECUTING your client

It is unlikely that you will openly behave in a persecuting way towards your
client, but feeling irritated or angry with him or her for no apparent reason is
a sign that you are in.
Sometimes people don’t realise that they are rescuing until they
move to the persecuting role.
Some symptoms of persecuting are:
• feeling irritated about how the client is using the session or thinking they
are not doing the right thing e.g. thinking “the client ought to be
discharging now”, “the client is dodging the point”.
• repeating the same suggestion several times even though the client has
ignored it, in the hope that he or she will be ‘wise’ enough to pick it up
• becoming impatient with the client
• feeling judgmental towards the client in some way, for example, accepting
them as a person, but not accepting their behaviour or needs

Symptoms of feeling a ‘VICTIM’ of your client

We believe that feeling a victim of your client actually happens quite rarely.
However, here are some examples of how this might happen.
• Feeling upset when your client seems to ignore all your suggestions or
seems to put your counselling down in some way e.g. “I don’t want those
kind of interventions”.
• Your client puts you on a free attention contract, then uses the session to
tell you they are angry about something you did. You feel upset and don’t
do anything to stop them.
.
Questabel: I can see that the first one is a situation in which you as
counsellor have interpreted your client’s actions as against you. But in the
second one it seems that the client is actually abusing the set-up of having a
session. How can I know the difference between sensing a ‘real’ abuse by the
client and a simple invitation to join the rescue triangle?
This is a really important point. Yes, sometimes, very rarely, a client may
actually abuse the situation of having a session and this may not be clear in the
beginning. I heard the following story from a Co-Counsellor: During a session
where the client had asked for and agreed on a contract of light massage, it

12 ! Chapter The Rescue Triangle in sessions

became clear that the client had an ulterior motive. He allowed himself to
become aroused during the session, at which point I stopped it. Later on the
client more openly expressed his sexual wishes and it became clear that he had
used the session as a leading in.
There’s no clear answer to this. If you start to feel suspicious that your client is
abusing the situation, this can stem from your own restimulation or it may be an
accurate sensing of the situation. Either way, you as counsellor are distracted
away from being fully there for your client and this in itself is a good enough
reason to stop the session. So you don’t need to understand on the spot exactly
what is going on.

2. How to step out of the Rescue Triangle?

We’ve explained how to notice when you as counsellor are in the rescue
triangle. However, noticing you are in it is only part of the story. The next
two sections are about how to get out of it and how to avoid getting into it in
the first place.

How to get out of the rescue triangle when you notice you are
involved in it.
Whichever role you are in there are a few simple things that you can do to
get out of it.
Sit back and try to find a position where your body feels physically balanced
by making small movements forwards, backwards and sideways.
The reason for this is that when people get involved in the rescue triangle
they lose a sense of physical balance in their bodies. So by re-balancing you
can switch out of the rescue triangle.
Stop giving interventions temporarily. Put yourself internally on a ‘free
attention’ contract and start to witness your client’s process more as an
outsider. This will lessen your involvement with your client’s session.
Stopping the session as counsellor
If the suggestions above don’t work, remember you always have the right as
counsellor to stop a contract and re-negotiate if it doesn’t feel right any more.
This is particularly important if you are no longer able to offer free attention
or if it is a real struggle to be non-judgemental. This is about looking after
yourself, but it is also about being honest with your client. If you are not able
to give them free attention or regain your free attention for whatever reason,
it is best to stop the session. If the client carries on in spite of what you have
said, you have the right to simply walk away.

Asking safely for feedback after the session

Questabel: Sometimes I keep worrying that I did something inappropriate
as counsellor in spite of doing all the things that you have suggested above.
Does that mean I am still in the rescue triangle?
You probably are in the rescue triangle, but at the same time it could be that you
simply need to check something out with your client. Here are the steps for
asking for feedback safely after a session.
1. Check with your client that it is OK to ask for feedback about something
specific that you did in your counselling. When you are doing this, it is
important to talk about your counselling and not the material that your client
Chapter The Rescue Triangle in sessions ! 13
 worked on. If the client agrees to give feedback, he or she is accepting the
possibility of being restimulated by the discussion.
2. Be specific about which of your actions you would like feedback on and make
sure your client recognises the event you are talking about.
3. Ask the client what was good about the specific thing that you wanted
feedback on. If the client is unable to give positive feedback, it is better to
stop the procedure, because it is very likely that the client is restimulated. In
this situation you are unlikely to get the information you need.
4. You then ask your client what else they would like to say about the
intervention.
5. Avoid getting into a discussion. When your question has been answered stop
there.

3. How to avoid ‘invitations’ to get involved in the Rescue

Triangle
We have talked about what to do if you notice you are already in the rescue
triangle. But you may become aware at some point that you are on the verge
of getting into the rescue triangle. Something the client is doing may provide
a trigger for you, or an ‘invitation’, if you like, to join in. Here are some
examples of these kind of ‘invitations’.
You perceive that the client is starting to criticise your counselling, saying
‘that’s a crap suggestion, you’re not helping’, you may be tempted to get into
the victim role (‘Oh no, I’m getting it wrong’) or to persecute the client (‘it’s
your own fault, you’re not working on this properly’).
In some Co-Counselling cultures, where people are trained to discharge
anger keeping eye contact with the counsellor, you may as counsellor start
taking this personally as if it is directed at you. (We acknowledge of course
that there is a good side to keeping eye contact: as long as the counsellor can
stay unrestimulated, the client can see that he or she is still accepted even
when angry).
This section is about how you can decline ‘invitations’, or in other words how
you can avoid getting involved in the rescue triangle.

Directing anger away from you

If you feel that you are at risk of getting involved in your client’s anger when
they are directing it towards you, you can ask the client to direct it away
from you towards a cushion.

Prompting the client to look at the restimulation

If you perceive that the client is becoming personal with you, blaming you or
feeling a victim of you, chances are that this is a projection. If this happens,
ask your client
‘Who do I remind you of?’ or
‘What situation in the past does our client-counsellor relationship remind you
of?’ Only do this when you feel totally calm and unrestimulated yourself,
because otherwise there is a risk that your suggestion will fuel your client’s
anger still further. On the other hand, experienced clients will take up this
suggestion very easily.

14 ! Chapter The Rescue Triangle in sessions

 Sitting back and switching internally to free attention
As we explained above, sitting back, balancing yourself physically and
temporarily stopping making suggestions is also a good way to avoid
‘invitations’ into the rescue triangle.

You in the client role

1. How to recognise that you are in the rescue triangle as

client

Symptoms of you RESCUING your counsellor

Here are some real examples that people told us about.
• A classic one for me is to try and ‘educate’ my counsellor by my work or my
way of working on some issue I may perceive as helpful to him.
Or more subtly, I may choose not to do some work as it would ‘not be good
for my counsellor’ (My decision without checking that out)
• Not asking for touch because I think the counsellor can’t cope.
• Asking for free attention to prevent the counsellor from feeling
embarrassed because they don’t know what interventions to give.
• Accepting interventions when they don’t feel right so that the counsellor
does not feel upset.
• Not looking the counsellor in the eyes to prevent them from feeling
checked up on (i.e. whether they are doing the job well)
• Letting the counsellor ‘take over’ the direction of the session so that I don’t
upset her.
• Not working on an issue because it is too close to the bone of the
counsellor’s stuff. Not negotiating this or checking it out with the
counsellor.

Symptoms of you feeling a VICTIM of your counsellor

Some Co-Counsellors told us their experience with feeling a victim as client.
• “Feeling disappointed because your counsellor has not given you the ‘right’
suggestions to get at your stuff (and sometimes silently blaming the
counsellor for not doing more to help)”
• “Feeling out of control because of all the stuff that’s come up through the
counsellor’s suggestions”
• “I felt very much a victim of my counsellor, when it was difficult for me to
refuse the suggestions of my counsellor, because I was already in the
space of not being able to speak up. (Frealing contract helped me very
much with this.)”
• “When I am faced with a very charismatic counsellor or one with plenty of
personal power, or holding a lot of anger in his or her system, I shut down
and I don’t run my session anymore.”

Chapter The Rescue Triangle in sessions ! 15

 • “As client you misunderstand a suggestion from your counsellor e.g. you
feel they are rejecting you or want you to shut up.”

Symptoms of you PERSECUTING your counsellor

Correcting the counsellor - reminding the counsellor of how to behave,
instead of asking for what you need
Blaming the counsellor for ‘bringing up’ more stuff than you bargained for

2. How to step out of the rescue triangle

Here are some suggestions for how to get out of the rescue triangle, once you
notice you are in it.
• Switch to a free attention contract
• Ask for some attention switches to switch your attention into present time
• Remind yourself that you are in charge of your session and that you can
ignore your counsellor’s suggestions if they are not helpful to you
• Ask yourself: “What do I need at the moment?” Or, “How could I get more
out my session at the moment?”
• Ask for what you need e.g. “I would like a free attention contract now.”, “I
need to stop for a moment and just breathe.”
• If necessary, stop the session and seek a session with someone else
• If your counsellor is doing something that is distracting you or
restimulating you, ask them to stop it e.g. “Could you sit back a bit
please?”, “Please stop making that suggestion.”
• Consider working on what’s come up for you (see the next section).

3. How to ‘exploit’ ‘invitations’ to get involved in the

rescue triangle
Being in the rescue triangle or noticing that you are on the verge of getting
into it mean that you are restimulated in some way. If this happens during
your session it is likely that this restimulation will become ‘what’s on top’
and will demand that you shift your attention away from whatever it was
you were working on. If you feel safe enough, you could continue with the
session and use this as an opportunity to work on what’s come up for you.
For example, you may perceive that your counsellor is trying to control you,
or rescue you but this may not actually be the case. He/she may remind you
of somebody else who tried to manipulate you in the past and now you are
interpreting your counsellor’s behaviour as being the same type of behaviour.

16 ! Chapter The Rescue Triangle in sessions

 What you can do.
Without referring to what’s happened between you (because this may reduce
the level of your counsellor’s free attention), go straight to techniques of the
‘Identity Check’ like:
“Who does this person remind me of?” Or “What event in the past does this
remind me of?”,
“What would I like to say to that person?”
“What would I most like to say to that person?”
“What could I actually say to that person (in reality)?”
For safety put the person from the past on a cushion, rather than embodying
them as your counsellor. This helps to separate the two in your mind.
If this feels too unsafe, try asking for attention switches, or if necessary, stop
the session altogether.

Literature
Muriel James & Dorothy Jongeward (1971) "Borne to win"
ISBN 0-451-16521-7
The chapter "The drama of life scripts" describes extensively the >
Transactional Analysis approach and how the Rescue triangle fits into >
that.

James Redfield (1993) "The Celestine Prophecy"

Chapter 6.

Postscript
This publication provides an introduction to the Rescue Triangle. It forms the
first three sections of a longer publication, which we are still writing. The
longer version will also have chapters on the Rescue Triangle in daily life and
on how to teach the Rescue Triangle. For more information see page 2.

Chapter Literature ! 17
Contents

Introduction.................................................................................................. 3
Why is the Rescue Triangle so important for Co-Counselling? ............................................ 3
Introducing Questabel .........................................................................................4

What is the Rescue Triangle?..................................................................... 5

Victim role............................................................................................................5
Aggressor role .....................................................................................................6
Rescuer role ........................................................................................................6
How do the roles interact with each other? ............................................................................. 6
‘Rewards’ of the Rescue Triangle ............................................................................................. 7
The energy exchange..........................................................................................7
How do people learn the roles? ................................................................................................ 7
Interrogating parent - Aloof child..........................................................................8
Aloof parent - Interrogating child..........................................................................8
Intimidating parent - ‘Poor me’ child.....................................................................8
Victim parent - Rescuing child .............................................................................8
Rescuing parent - Rescuing child ........................................................................8
What's the alternative? .............................................................................................................. 8
So what is healthy support?.................................................................................9
The positive side of Rescue Triangle roles ..........................................................9

The Rescue Triangle in sessions ............................................................. 11

You in the counsellor role ....................................................................................................... 11
1. How to recognise that you are in the rescue triangle as
counsellor? ........................................................................................................ 11
2. How to step out of the Rescue Triangle? ....................................................... 13
3. How to avoid ‘invitations’ to get involved in the Rescue Triangle ................... 14
You in the client role................................................................................................................ 15
1. How to recognise that you are in the rescue triangle as client ....................... 15
2. How to step out of the rescue triangle ........................................................... 16
3. How to ‘exploit’ ‘invitations’ to get involved in the rescue triangle................... 16

Literature .................................................................................................... 17

Postscript ................................................................................................... 17

Contents ..................................................................................................... 18

18 ! Chapter Contents