Running head: ASSIGNMENT: ATTACHMENT STYLE AND RELATIONSHIPS 1

Assignment: Attachment Style and Relationships

Tiffany Nicole Cooper

University of Phoenix
 Assignment: Attachment Style and Relationships

Part One

The three dimensions of love (according to Sternberg) include passion, intimacy, and

commitment. Also, by the sophisticated statistical tool of factor analysis, Arthur Aron and Lori

Westbay (1996) found that the 68 prototypical features of love could be organized into three

categories: passion, intimacy, and commitment.

Passion

With passion, this is a type of romantic relationship. Passion reflects attraction, romance,

and sexual desire. A relationship that contains passion would not be a relationship that you

would share with you parents or children. This is more to describe a romantic relationship that

you share with another person. According to Sternberg (1998) “The key ingredients of romantic

love are passion and intimacy.” Passion is what makes us want to live our lives together with

somebody that we fell in love; passion is what makes us see some qualities in our boyfriend,

girlfriend, husband or wife and decide that we want to live the rest of our life together, but

sometimes this same passion becomes decreased to the amount that a small decision not taking

in your favor, can create a good argument and we begin to create a wall around our heart, things

or decision that we can easily compromise on in the past, we now decide to take our stand and by

so doing creating some problems in our relationship.

Intimacy
 Intimacy is that value of being close to another person and affectionate to them as well. It

can happen with or without sexuality being involved, although it is never effectively defined

only by sexual expression. “A brief moment of intense, ecstatic closeness with another person

must not be misconstrued as an indication of an intimate relationship” Feeney, J. A. (1996).

It is a relationship in which two people, even in when they are apart, are still receptive to one

another. In intimacy there is a shared, constant relationship over time. Sex is not the same

intimacy; nor should it be considered a healthy substitute for it. Couples in a real intimate

relationship are often very comfortable with nearness, and their emotional contact becomes

personified in a high-level of comfort with physical touch. In fact, a relationship may suffer

without blissful moments like this. Those little moments can feed the roots of the whole

relationship.

Commitment

Commitment is the decision to maintain a long-term caring relationship. With

commitment, this can be any type of relationship shared by anyone. To have a commitment to a

person, basically says that you have made a promise to another person that they will always have

you there for them. You can have this type of relationship with your children, your parents,

siblings, and any other person on Earth that you are able to form a bond with. According to

Authentic Awareness (2007) “Unconditional love is the only true commitment. The willingness

to share a part of your life with another person, another soul, and to let them be who they choose

to be is commitment. It's agreeing to mutual learning and understanding.”

When trying to explain how I believe an individual’s attachment style can affect the types

of love relationships he or she can have, I would start out by first talking about how early in life;

an infant can be exposed to three different attachment styles: secure, avoidance, and anxiety.

Secure attachment

I believe that when a child with a secure attachment grows up they are capable of

developing very trusting, and lasting relationships. They often have a good self-esteem. They are

comfortable sharing with friends and their partner, and they seek out public support. They do all

this because as children they were able to separate from their parents. They were able to seek

comfort from a parent when frightened, and they preferred their parents to a stranger. They had

warm responsive relationships with their parents.

Securely attached adults tend to have good views of themselves, their partners and their

relationships. They feel comfortable balancing with intimacy and with independence, balancing

the two without any problems. Securely attached people tend to agree with the following

statements: "I find it pretty easy to get close to others and am comfortable depending on them. I

don’t worry about being abandoned by anyone or about someone getting too close to me." This

style of attachment usually results from a history of warm and responsive interactions with

relationship partners. Often they describe greater fulfillment and alteration in their relationships

than people with other attachment styles do.

Avoidance Attachment

When it comes to avoidance attachment there are two different types of avoidance

attachments: fearful and dismissive. People with either of these avoidance attachment styles
often agree with the following: “I am fairly uncomfortable being close to others; I find it difficult

to trust them totally, and I also find it difficult to allow myself to depend on them. I am nervous

when anyone gets too close, and often romantic partners want me to be more intimate with them

then I feel comfortable being.” As children, these people generally had cold, rejecting caregivers.

People with a fearful style of avoidant attachment often have mixed feelings about close

relationships. They frequently see themselves as undeserving of the attention or affection they

receive from their partners, and they are suspicious of their partners “true” intentions. A part of

them really wants to have an emotionally close relationship, but the other part of them just feels

uncomfortable when another person gets emotional close.

When it comes to a person who has a dismissive attachment style, they frequently need a

high-level of independence. This desire for independence often appears as an attempt to avoid

any type of attachment altogether. They often deny needing to have a close relationship, and

some may even see having close relationships as relatively unimportant. They often see

themselves as self-reliant and invincible to any feelings associated with being closely attached to

another person. Not surprisingly, they seek less intimacy with relationship partners, whom they

often view less positively than they view themselves. People with a dismissive-avoidant

attachment tend to suppress and hide their feelings, and they often deal with rejection by

distancing themselves from the sources of rejection (i.e., their relationship partners).

Anxious attachment

People who have the anxious attachment often agree with the following: "I find that

others are reluctant to get as close to me as I would like to with them. I often worry that my

partner does not really love me or will not want to stay with me after they get to know me. I want
to get very close to my partner and this sometimes scares people away." As children they

experienced inconsistent parenting. “This style is the rarest of them, and it averages about 15%. “

according to Feeney, J. A. (1996).

People with this style of attachment seek high levels of intimacy, approval, and

sensitivity from their partners, becoming overly dependent to them. They tend to be less trusting,

have less positive views about themselves and show high levels of emotional expressiveness,

worry and impulsiveness in their relationships. They sometimes value intimacy to such an extent

that they become overly dependent on their partners—a condition colloquially termed clinginess.

Compared to securely attached people, people who are anxious or preoccupied with attachment

tend to have less positive views about themselves. They often doubt their worth as a partner and

blame themselves for their partners' lack of openness.

What can come of relationships with various attachment styles?

Romantic relationships in adults vary in the way of the outcome. The partners of some

relationships stay together longer than the partners of other relationships. Numerous studies have

associated a person’s attachment style to relationship satisfaction. People who have secure

attachment styles usually show greater fulfillment in their relationships than people who have

other attachment styles. According to Feeney, J. A. (1994) “Some studies suggest people with

secure attachment styles do have longer-lasting relationships.” I think this may be partly due to

commitment. People with secure attachment styles tend to express more commitment to their

relationships. They are also happier with the ending results then a person with other types of

attachment styles, which may encourage them to stay in their relationships longer. But secure

attachment styles are not the only the only attachment styles associated with stable relationships.

A person with a secure attachment style is, by no means, a guarantee for a longer-lasting
relationship. People with anxious attachment styles often find themselves in long-lasting, but

unhappy, relationships. Anxious attachment styles often involve anxiety about being abandoned

and doubts about one's worth as a relationship partner. These kinds of feelings and thoughts may

lead people to stay in unhappy relationships.

It is believed that an attachment style cannot change because we cannot go back onto

history and change the way we are brought up by our parents/guardians. However, secure bonds

are more stable than either avoidant or anxious attachments, and it is more likely that a person

would enter a relationship that promises more, rather than less security than we have experienced

in the past. Things can only get better, right?

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(2010). Attachment Styles, or Comfort with Intimacy, Influence How People