OCTOBER 2018

50 Old-Time
DOCTOR
REMEDIES
That Really Work
An RD ORIGINAL ... 56

YOUR CELL A DEADLY

SAILBOAT RACE
PHONE From SMITHSONIAN

& YOUR COLD WEATHER

HEALTH
By MICHELLE CROUCH
IS GOOD FOR
YOU
An RD ORIGINAL

Eat the Whole Kiwi!

Plus 6 OTHER COMPLETELY EDIBLE FOODS ... 42
“Sympathy for My Bully”
From THE WASHINGTON POST ... 88
Superstitions of the Rich & Famous
From the book RECIPES FOR GOOD LUCK ... 102

In Praise of Messy Cars

From HUMOROUTCASTS.COM ... 14
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 Contents OCTOBER 2018

Cover Story Who Knew?

56 OLD-TIME DOCTOR 102 VERY SUPERSTITIOUS
REMEDIES THAT WORK The irrational fears and habits
Your grandma probably swore of famous folks, from Lucille Ball
by these treatments, and now to Michael Jordan.
science is catching up. E L L E N W E I N ST E I N FR OM T H E B OOK
RE C I PE S FO R G O O D LU C K
J EN M CC A F F E RY A N D TI N A DO N V I TO

Drama in Real Life Psychology

68 RACING THE STORM 110 HOW TO CONQUER

A brutal squall in the waters PANIC ATTACKS
of Mobile Bay turns a friendly One woman’s moment-by-
regatta into life or death. moment journey back from terror.
B ON N I E M U N DAY
M AT T HEW TE AG U E F R O M S MITHSO NIAN

Humor
80 SCOUT’S HONOR
Can a middle-aged man learn
to be as loyal, thrifty, clean,
P. | 56
and reverent as your average
Boy Scout?
JO E KITA F R O M MEN’S HEALTH

National Interest
88 SYMPATHY FOR MY BULLY
One survivor wonders whether
abusers deserve the harsh
comeuppance they often get.
P H OTO GR A P H BY YAS U + J U N KO

GER A L D IN E DE R U I TE R
FR O M T H E WAS H I N GTO N P OST

Inspiration
96 THE MAN WHO WILLED
HIMSELF TO FLY
He had to crawl into the cockpit.
But he wasn’t going to let that
stop him from becoming a pilot.
JAC K F INC H E R
 Volume 192 | Issue 1144
OCTOBER 2018

4 Dear Readers 6 Letters Everyday Heroes

8 Mercy for a Thief
J E N M CC A F F E RY

12 The Mama-Bear
Instinct
A N DY S I M M O N S

VOICES & VIEWS

Department of Wit
14 Four-Wheel Dives
Some people’s cars are clean
and tidy. Other people’s have
squirrels.
R OZ WA R R E N FR OM
H U M OR OU TC ASTS .COM

Words of Lasting Interest

P. | 120 16 Heaven Can’t Wait
On a Good Friday long ago, a
curious boy was determined to
READER FAVORITES witness God’s mysterious
ways—in all their forms.
20 Photo of Lasting Interest
J OE R AO
26 100-Word True Stories
Y U RI P HOTO L I F E /S H U T T E R STOC K

30 Life in These United States You Be the Judge

52 News from the 22 The Case of the

World of Medicine Expensive Mailbox
54 All in a Day’s Work When does a homeowners’
78 Laughter, the Best Medicine association rule go too far?
VICKI GLEMBOCKI
94 Laugh Lines
123 Word Power Finish This Sentence
126 Humor in Uniform 28 My Favorite One-Liner
128 Quotable Quotes Is ...

2 | 10•2018 | rd.com
 P. | 44

ART OF LIVING

37 Learn to Not Fall

N EIL ST EIN BE R G F R O M
MOSAICSCIENCE.COM

Food
42 Food Parts You Should WHO KNEW?
Never Throw Out
ISAD O RA BAU M
116 13 Ways Your Cell
FR OM TO P : C H RI ST I A N T Y LE R RA N D OL PH /NE W YO RK T I M E S. I LLU ST R AT I ON BY J OANA AV I LLE Z

Life Well Lived Phone Affects Your

44 From Kindergarten Body and Mind
To Cancer: A Love Story M I C H E L L E C R OU C H
TA M M Y L A G O R C E
F R O M T H E NEW YO R K TIMES
120 How to Make It as
Health A Fossil
48 7 Surprising Ways Cold J OH N P I C K R E L L
FR OM B B C .COM / FU T U R E
Weather Helps Your Body

14
ISAD O RA BAU M A N D
JEN M CC A F F E RY P. |

P HOTO GR AP H BY
YASU+J UNKO
STY L IST: SU SAN
OTTAVIANO
FO R HAL L EY
R ESO U R CES

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 Dear Readers
F
OR ALMOST 100 YEARS, Reader’s Digest’s editorial philosophy has boiled
down to eight words: This is your magazine. We just work here.
No other editor’s job is built so completely on communion with read-
ers. You not only pay the magazine’s bills, but you also write a lot of its jokes,
contribute many of its stories, and tell us through your feedback, in not so
many words, what we should curate and what we should leave aside. Even big
changes we make rely on your guidance. Next issue’s bold new look, for example—
What????!!!! You are changing RD?!?!
Yes, we are changing your magazine, caption
gently, starting in November. And I’m contest!
confident you’ll be fine with the result.
For starters, the pages will carry a fresh,
classic design. The shifts will religiously

FR OM LE FT: P H OTOGR A P H BY GL E NN G LASS E R; G R OOM I NG : K E R RY- LOU B R E H M

follow the suggestions in the 15,000
surveys that many of you have filled
out since 2014. Most important, our de-
partments will add more content con-
tributed by you—including, for the wits
among you, a monthly caption contest.

FO R P RO - ST Y L E C R E W. M E LI SSA B R ANDTS /NG C R E AT I V E

So while you savor this valedictory It’s all about timing. Give us your best
issue of one iteration of Reader’s Digest, fun caption at rd.com/captioncontest.
please help out with the
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on the last page of the December/January issue.
As devoted readers, you know that RD didn’t become timeless by
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change.”
Wait—I should save that line. Someday it’ll make the
drollest photo-caption entry ever.

Bruce Kelley, editor-in-chief

Write to me at letters@rd.com.
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 Letters
COMMENTS ON THE JULY/AUGUST ISSUE

The Best Advice fear of being jailed. But

I Ever Got the laws set a minimum
As a stressed-out college age of 21, so any teen
freshman, I was having smoking pot is not buying
trouble with the work, so it legally. Teen pot smok-
I went to my professor’s ing should be stopped
office. He had a rough just as underage cigarette
reputation, but I needed smoking and alcohol
help. As he was trying to drinking should be
explain the graphs, I mut- stopped.
tered that I was stupid for not getting BRUCE ROTTER, E s c o n d i d o, C a l i f o r n i a
it, to which he gently replied, “Don’t
say that. You’re not stupid. You’re Now ... While There’s Time
just new at this.” I think about that As I was rereading this article, my
line all the time, and he became one youngest daughter, not yet three
of my favorite professors. years old, removed the Reader’s
REBECCA PFEFFER, Digest from my hands and gave me
Allentown, Pennsylvania one of her beloved books. Though I
really wanted to reread the article—
I would like to see a follow-up article and finish the whole magazine while
entitled “The Worst Advice I Ever I was at it—here was an opportunity
Got.” Think: “I know the road looks to put my daughter first. Thank you
flooded, but you can make it!” or “Get for such a timely and timeless piece.
P H OTO GR A P H BY M AT TH E W CO H E N

married even if you are having sec- JESSICA DEROSIER,

ond thoughts; it’s too late to call off We s t Pa l m B e a c h , F l o r i d a

the wedding!” DENISE DENTON THIERY,

A l e x a n d r i a , Ke n t u c k y 8 Almost States
Currently in California there is a bal-
The Medical Case Against lot initiative to split into three sepa-
Kids Smoking Pot rate states. Yes, the state of Jefferson
Legalization has helped many ill could rise once again.
people lessen their pain without RHONA HANLEY, Ma r i c o p a , Ar i z o n a

6 | 10•2018 | rd.com
 Why I’ve Decided Not to
Write My Memoirs
How I wish I could have read my HOME RUN OR FOUL BALL?
mother’s stories and discussed them We thought we had hit it out of
with her when she was alive, as the park when we noted that
Allison Arlene Hansen did with her phrases from baseball were
grandmother. Until my mother’s more celebrated than lingo
death at age 98, I didn’t know she from any other sport, but many
had written stories about her life. readers balked:
After she retired from teaching, she I’m champing at the bit to prove
wrote more than 100 of them, each that horse-racing idioms beat
typewritten and from one to five baseball idioms, not by a whisker
pages long. Those are now my only or a nose but by a mile. Right out of
memories, but that treasury allows the gate, the fastest two minutes in
me to live with her again. sports would prove in the home-
MARVIN CASE, B a t t l e G r o u n d , Wa s h i n g t o n stretch that we have a winner. No
one can say that’s lame. Ready to
Your Winning Pet Shots place your bets?
I enjoyed Bruce Kelley’s fun facts —Jeanne Agner richmond, vermont
about his dog. But I object to the I had to come out swinging with
sentence “We didn’t need a dog.” boxing phrases. No way would I
Everybody needs a dog, whether take a dive or throw in the towel;
they know it or not. S. A., v i a e - m a i l I’m no lightweight. I just have to roll
with the punches so I won’t be
We thought down for the count.
you might —Gary P. Gawel houston, texas
enjoy this
picture of I Fought My Insurance
our dog, Company—and Won! tell us
Rosie. I was Did you successfully how you
did it
doing bills in push back when your
the home of- insurance company denied
fice and had your claim? We’d love to
just placed hear your story—we might
the Reader’s Digest on the floor to even print it in a future issue.
S HU T T E R STO C K

take out to the family room. Rosie fell Go to rd.com/insurancewin

asleep with her nose pointing right at to describe your dispute and
the cutest pets story line. how you resolved it.
CHRIS KALISCHEFSKI, Ha m p s h i r e , I l l i n o i s

rd.com | 10•2018 | 7
 Rivers Prather, left,
with Jimmy Gilleece,
says, “I’d be sitting in
a cell right now if it
weren’t for Jimmy.”
 EVERYDAY
HEROES
A bar owner’s determination to find a lost
wallet helps a young man change his life

Mercy for a Thief

BY J E N M CCA FFE RY

A FRANTIC CALL came into in the bar until she went to sit on
Jimmy Gilleece’s bar this past March. a bench outside and left when her
A newly married woman who had ride arrived. Within minutes, a
spent the afternoon at the dive beach young man in a hoodie approached
bar in Wrightsville Beach, North the bench, shoved something in
Carolina, couldn’t find her wallet. his pocket, and walked off. Gilleece
She didn’t care about her ID, credit posted a clip on the bar’s Facebook
cards, or $150 in cash—but her page. “I didn’t want to crucify him,”
wedding ring was tucked inside. he said. “I just asked if anybody
Gilleece, 42, didn’t like the idea knew who the guy was.”
that a theft could have occurred at Within hours, Gilleece got a
his place, Jimmy’s at Red Dogs. So text from 17-year-old Rivers Prather,
he set out to find the wallet. He who’d heard about the post from his
spent hours scouring footage from sister. Prather owned up to having
16 different surveillance cameras, taken the wallet and told Gilleece
watching the woman’s every step he’d done it because he hadn’t eaten

P H OTO G R A PH BY J I LL I AN CL AR K rd.com | 10•2018 | 9

E V E R Y D AY H E R O E S

in two days. He said he saw the ring there the next day at noon. A crowd
but thought it was fake, so he took had gathered to watch the two divers
the money and threw the wallet off search in the strong current. More
the public docks into the ocean. than an hour passed, with no sign
Then he bought a sandwich. of the ring. Gilleece grew worried,
Gilleece, unsure whether he especially when the detective began
believed Prather, told the teen to peppering Prather with questions,
meet him at the docks. There, they trying to get him to admit to keeping
got to talking, and the ring. Each passing
Prather revealed that minute increased the
he wasn’t getting along chances that she would
with his family and Gilleece saw arrest the young man.
had been living in the Prather for And then a diver
woods for a week. popped up. In his hand
Gilleece, a father of what he was: was the wallet, and
two with another on more of a inside was the ring.
the way, took stock Cheers erupted from
of Prather—his small
kid than the spectators. Even the
stature, his ruddy a criminal. detective was happy.
cheeks—and saw When Gilleece called
him for what he was: the wallet’s owner, she
more of a kid than a criminal. burst into tears. She promptly
But the stakes were high. The dropped the felony charges against
police were already on the case, and Prather for stealing the ring, and he
because of the missing ring, Prather was permitted to go through a mis-
could be facing felony charges. “He demeanor diversion program for the
would be going to big boy jail, all theft of the $150.
130 pounds of him,” Gilleece says. But it wasn’t over for Gilleece. He’d
“I had to help him somehow.” been troubled about Prather sleeping
Gilleece recruited two local divers in the cold woods. Gilleece knew his
to search the waters where Prather home was big enough to give Prather
had thrown the wallet. Meanwhile, a place to live for a while. He told the
the police had heard that Gilleece teen he could stay with his family
and Prather had spoken and wanted until the boy got on his feet again. He
Gilleece to bring the teen down to the also gave the kid a job at his bar.
station. Instead, Gilleece called the “Most people would have given
police and told them, “He’s going to the footage to police, and he chose to
be at the docks with me tomorrow.” help me,” Prather told CBS News. “I
A detective was waiting for them say thank you to him every day.”

10 | 10•2018 | rd.com
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E V E R Y D AY H E R O E S

The Mama-Bear Instinct

BY AN DY SIM M O NS

ANGELA MCQUEEN
has a routine when she’s
on lunch-monitoring
duty. The longtime math
and phys ed teacher at
Mattoon High School in
Mattoon, Illinois, keeps
an eye on the hundreds
of students in her charge
by walking laps around
the school cafeteria.
In September 2017, Teacher Angela McQueen chats with some of “her” kids
McQueen, then 40, had in the lunchroom where the shooting took place.
finished only one lap
when a 14-year-old freshman stand- to dole out hugs and support to her
ing not far from her pulled out a gun. shaken students.
Oh, crap! she said to herself. He’s “It’s the mama-bear instinct,” she
going to start shooting. told the local paper, the Pantagraph.
School employees had been “I don’t have kids of my own, but
trained on how to handle active these are still ‘my’ kids. You’re not
shooters: Attack their ability to aim. going to do this to my kids.”
So with the shooter’s finger on the And so, thanks to McQueen, a story
trigger, McQueen lunged at him. that has played out tragically at far COU RT E SY I L L I N O I S E DU C ATI ON ASS OC I AT I ON

Grabbing at his arm, she forced the too many schools across the country
gun barrel into the air, but not before had a relatively happy ending. “If
he got off a couple of rounds, striking it hadn’t been for her, the situation
one student in the hand and chest would have been a lot different,”
and grazing another. As students ran Police Chief Jeff Branson said at a
for the exits, McQueen subdued the news conference. (The one seriously
shooter with help from the school wounded boy was released from the
resource officer, who disarmed the hospital soon after the incident.)
student and took him into custody As one impressed student told
until police arrived minutes later. CBS News, “Ms. McQueen is Chuck
Afterward, McQueen went outside Norris, basically.”

12 | 10•2018 | rd.com
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VOICES VIEWS

Department of Wit

Four-Wheel Dives
BY R OZ WA RRE N F ROM H U M OROU TC ASTS.CO M

HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED that with some friends,

when they offer you a ride and you get in their car, the first I L LU ST RAT I ON BY JO E M C K E N DRY (WARR E N)

thing they say is “Sorry about the mess,” even if the car’s in-
terior is so antiseptic you could perform surgery in there?
On the other hand, I’ve been in cars that more closely
resemble the inside of a hamper than a vehicle—and the
owner doesn’t seem to notice.
ROZ WARREN Maybe it’s because I grew up in Detroit, but I believe
is a librarian, that the condition of your vehicle says something about
a writer, and
you. Is your car the mobile counterpart of the kitchen
the editor of the
humor collection junk drawer, an area designated for chaos, a place to speed
When Cats Talk away from responsibility? Or is it a sanctuary from the
Back. chaos of your home, your job, your family, a self-contained

14 | 10•2018 | rd.com ILLU ST R AT ION BY JOANA AV ILLE Z

space where order is easily attained the last six months of my life from
and maintained? After all, cars the junk on the floor of my car.
are all about escape, starting with
that first solo drive out of your ZMy car is spotless. I just wish the
parents’ driveway and into the world. rest of my life were this beautiful
So I recently asked my Facebook and well-ordered.
friends: Is the inside of your car
clean and tidy, or is it a disaster area? ZI think of my car as my pocketbook
Here are some of the on wheels. It contains
more telling examples everything I need for
from my personality daily survival.
driving test: I keep a duster
in the door ZFood wrappers. Books.
ZI have four dogs, one Thermoses. Coffee cups.
of whom is chronically pocket and use Sunglasses. Jackets.
carsick. You really it at lights. Blankets. Troll doll in a
wouldn’t want to get nurse uniform. Emer-
into my car. Unless
There’s nothing gency apocalypse back-
you’re a dog. wrong with that. pack. Flashlights. Hair
ties. Reading glasses.
ZI keep a duster in the Newspapers. Receipts.
door pocket and use it at lights. And Grocery lists. Stuff for Goodwill ...
I shake out my floor mats once a
week. There’s nothing wrong with ZWe call my husband’s car Meals
that. There ISN’T. on Wheels because he has stashed
so much snack food in it.
ZI divide people into those who
brush off my passenger seat and hop ZLast week, I found a squirrel in
right in and those who grimace, my car.
then get in with a look of determi-
nation and pity. ZI’m a teacher, which means my car
is full of school supplies. If times get
ZI always carry lots of bottled water, tough, I’ll just sell pens, markers, and
just in case I break down in a desert. construction paper out of my trunk.
Even though I live in Philadelphia.
ZMy husband has stashed an ax
ZIf I ever disappear due to foul play, under the driver’s seat of my car.
the cops will easily be able to trace Yes. An ax.
HUMOROUTCASTS.COM (JANUARY 9, 2017), COPYRIGHT © 2017 BY ROZ WARREN.

rd.com | 10•2018 | 15
WORDS OF LASTING INTEREST

On a Good Friday
long ago, a curious
boy was determined
to witness God’s
mysterious ways—
in all their forms

Heaven Can’t Wait

BY JO E RAO

EVERY SO OFTEN, the celestial I was not quite 12 years old and
wanderings of the sun, earth, and living in the Bronx. The midpoint of
moon will cause our nearest neigh- the eclipse was to occur around
bor in space to become completely midnight, but since it was a Friday
S E R GE Y N I V E N S /S H UT TE RSTO C K

immersed in the earth’s shadow, in night I had no worries about home-

turn producing one of nature’s most work or going to school the next day.
beautiful sky shows: a total eclipse I had received a telescope for Christ-
of the moon. mas and was so excited that I had al-
In my lifetime, I’ve watched the ready set it up in my backyard that
moon become “just a shadow of its afternoon. It was a perfect early
former self” 18 times. But for me, the spring day, with promise of a beauti-
eclipse of April 12, 1968, stands out ful, clear night.
above all the others. But there was a catch. April 12,

16 | 10•2018 | rd.com
 1968, also happened to be Good Fri- already sealed, so why stop now?
day, and there was no way my mother The only sound other than Father
was going to let me skip church. O’Kada’s voice was that of my
So I did the math. The service at church shoes slapping against
St. Benedict’s Church started at the marble-floored center aisle as
9 p.m., and the eclipse would com- they propelled me toward the exit.
mence at 10:10 p.m. I knew from ex- Every eyeball—shocked, horrified,
perience that the average service in envious—was on me as I threw
our parish lasted about 45 minutes. I open the massive wooden front
had plenty of time. doors and let them slam behind
A Good Friday ceremony is a very me with a resounding boom.
somber affair: Everything is draped Adrenaline kicked in as I raced
in black, and there are long periods toward East Tremont Avenue and
of absolute silence. On this particu- caught sight of the full moon glowing
lar night Father Patrick O’Kada felt brightly in the southeast sky. Dodging
a need to make it an especially cars and pedestrians, I crossed three
drawn-out and mournful affair. Add streets and two major thoroughfares
the fact that on this particular night and arrived home with only minutes
the packed service started late, and I to spare. I was consumed with glee
was anxiety-ridden. I squirmed with and had not yet considered the po-
uneasiness as I eyed the big clock at tential consequences of my display
the back of the church. By 9:45, Fa- back at St. Benedict’s.
ther O’Kada was still deep into his When the service finally ended,
homily. I kept whispering to my my mother and sister took their
mother that if the sermon didn’t end places in the line of people filing out
soon, I’d miss the eclipse. of the church. Waiting
My mother, unmoved, near the front entrance
just stared straight ahead was Father O’Kada, along
and said nothing. with the other priests,
Finally, just before ten, I greeting the parishioners
I L LU ST RAT I ON BY JO E M C KE N D RY

did something that to this as they left.

day I am surprised did When Mom finally
not land me in the nether- reached Father O’Kada,
world roasting on a spit: I she apologized profusely.
bolted out of my pew and JOE RAO is an “For some stupid reason,
associate at New York’s
hightailed it for the exit. Joe just had to see the
Hayden Planetarium
“Joe! Joe!” my mother and a meteorologist for moon eclipse from the
whispered between grit- Verizon Fios1 News in very beginning,” she said,
ted teeth. My fate was the Hudson Valley. before promising to

rd.com | 10•2018 | 17
WORDS OF LASTING INTEREST

severely reprimand me as soon as right eye firmly pressed against my

she got home. telescope’s eyepiece as the moon
Father O’Kada’s response, which slowly morphed into a burnished
my mother shared with me later, coppery-red ball. Surely, I thought,
saved my life. this would be my last view of the
“If your son wanted so badly to see event before all heck broke loose.
this wondrous spectacle of nature— I heard the front door creak open
an event that God himself has and shut. I heard my mother’s foot-
brought to all of us to- falls grow louder as
night to enjoy—then I they came closer and
cannot fault him at all.” closer until she reached
Looking in the direction Every the backyard. I soaked
of the other priests, he eyeball— in the night sky’s per-
continued. “We were all formance, hoping to
discussing the eclipse shocked, imprint it on my brain
before tonight’s service, horrified, before being dragged
and we, too, are inter- away by an ear.
ested in seeing it.”
envious— My mother stopped
Then, taking a few was on me. behind me.
steps outside, the I braced myself.
priests, as well as my She leaned in.
mother, my sister, and a coterie of I leaned away.
parishioners, gazed upward toward And then she ... gave me a peck on
the moon. A small scallop of dark- the cheek. With my sister in tow, she
ness had made itself evident on its headed inside, saying merely, “Enjoy
left-hand edge. “Isn’t this an amaz- your eclipse.”
ing example of the precision of the On Sunday night, January 20, 2019,
universe?” Father O’Kada asked no in a play whose celestial script was
one in particular. Even Mom was written eons ago, the moon will once
impressed. again plunge completely into the
Back at home, I was a wreck. As I earth’s shadow, producing a spectac-
watched the eclipse through my tele- ular total eclipse of the moon. Total-
scope, I considered the implications ity will be particularly dramatic for
of my mini-rebellion at St. Bene- those of us in North America, where
dict’s. In retrospect, maybe I should the ruddy moon will burn high
have stayed to the end of the service. overhead against the backdrop of a
Retribution, I knew, was nigh. cold and starry winter sky.
So when my mother’s car pulled I hope all of you enjoy your
up in front of our house, I kept my eclipse.

18 | 10•2018 | rd.com
 Trademarks owned by Société des Produits Nestlé S.A., Vevey, Switzerland.

High-quality protein for strong, lean muscles.

THE CHOW IS HOW.
 PHOTO
OF LASTING
INTEREST

Their Corner of the Sky

The Altai region of southern Siberia is famous for things that
fly. Those white specks are butterflies, some of the more than
150 species attracted to the area’s humid summers. The hulking
metal objects on the ground were airborne once too. They are
pieces of rockets that plummeted to Earth after launching from
Russia’s Baikonur Cosmodrome. Having a rocket remnant land
in your yard isn’t for everyone, but the locals make the best
of it. These men are scavenging for high-grade titanium and
aluminum alloys to sell. Some locals have recycled the pieces
into garages, sheds, and fences. It just goes to show that one
person’s space junk is another person’s treasure.

PHOTOGRAPH BY JONAS BENDIKSEN

M AGN U M P HOTOS

20 | 10•2018 | rd.com
YOU BE THE JUDGE

When does a homeowners’

association rule go too far?

The Case of the

Expensive Mailbox

BY V I C KI GLE MBO CK I

When Keith Strong’s mailbox from the HOA. On August 26, 2009,
started to look shabby, he replaced the HOA board had voted that those
it with one he bought at a hardware wooden mailboxes were no longer
store for $35 and installed himself. acceptable. Instead, the association
He knew exactly which one to get. now required each homeowner to
The mailbox was a new version of buy a new mailbox that was “rust-
the “cedar, slatted” model that his proof, cast-aluminum” and mono-
homeowners’ association (HOA) had grammed with a w for Woodmore.
approved 13 years earlier for his tony The HOA also mandated that resi-
neighborhood of Woodmore, located dents install the box on a matching
in a Maryland suburb outside of aluminum post purchased from the
Washington, DC. same manufacturer. The cost: about
But not two months after he’d $500. Homeowners had two years
installed the new mailbox, he and to complete the upgrade. Those
his neighbors received a notice who did not would be fined $100 ➸

22 | 10•2018 | rd.com ILLU ST R AT ION BY NOM A B AR

YO U B E T H E J U D G E

every 30 days until they complied. refused to buy the new mailbox, and
Strong and some of his neighbors in July 2013 he was officially cited
were angry. It wasn’t just about the by the board for noncompliance.
cost. As a retired solar physicist who In November 2014, he and his wife
lived in a $1.5 million home, he could replied by filing a civil complaint in
cover the bill. He took issue with the the Circuit Court for Prince George’s
process. Strong and other residents County, asking for an order to stop
complained that the HOA had vio- the HOA from requiring homeowners
lated its own rules when the board to buy and install the new mailboxes.
passed the new mailbox specifica- In response, the HOA pointed to
tions, first because it did not alert the same bylaws, claiming that it had
members at least 30 days before vot- the power to adopt guidelines “to
ing on the new regulation, and sec- obtain harmonious architectural
ond because the bylaws didn’t give design” and to “secure the erection
the board the authority to revoke ap- and maintenance of high type and
proval for the first mailbox. quality improvements.”
Strong decided to take a stand.
“It wasn’t just about a mailbox,” he Did the HOA have the authority
told the Washington Post. “The issue to require homeowners to buy
really here is property rights.” He $500 mailboxes? You be the judge.

THE VERDICT
No, it did not. In his ruling in January 2017, Judge Leo E. Green Jr. explained that
“by being able to mandate a specific mailbox, the board could mandate other
things.” He considered this to be a slippery slope. “What if the board decided to-
morrow that the homeowners all needed slate roofs that cost $50,000?” asked the
Strongs’ attorney, Matthew Skipper. The judge ruled the mailbox regulation “null
and void.” Strong didn’t have to pay the $1,600 in noncompliance fines. He did,
however, have to pay his own $33,000 legal fee—roughly the cost of 66 of those
cast-aluminum mailboxes—plus his fraction of the opposing attorney’s fees, which
were paid out of HOA dues. “A lot of people have said congratulations for standing
up for us,” Strong told fox5dc.com. “Some people even offered to help pay our
S HU T T E R STO C K

legal expenses.” Other folks felt differently: Two months after the ruling, Strong
found his old wooden mailbox on the ground and the post smashed in half.

24 | 10•2018 | rd.com
 Your True Stories
IN 100 WORDS

THE BAD GUYS area, we were stuck. We

M y son was
almost five
when we took a
had no one to call.
Then a gentleman
who parked his car a
trip to the post few spots over came
office. As I filled to help us jump our
out my return car. “Next time, it
receipt form, my might be me in your
son looked around position,” he said.
at the many people “Spread the love.”
in line. I noticed him SHUAI TANG,
staring at the pictures Ar l i n g t o n , Vi r g i n i a

on the wall. “Who are those

people on the wall?” he asked. SPELL CHECK
I explained to him they were bad
people that the police were search-
ing for. My son looked up at me with
I learned from an early age that
my name is spelled oddly, so I
make a point of bringing it up to
the sweetest face and asked, “Then others if they need to spell it. When
why didn’t they keep them when I bought my first set of furniture, the
they took their pictures?” I was salesperson asked for my name to
without words. put on the contract. I said it was
KITT SWANSON, L a n d O ’ L a k e s , F l o r i d a Philip, one l. He then asked me for
my address. “Don’t you want my last
STRANGER LOVE name?” I asked. He looked confused

O ne month after we moved to

the United States from halfway
around the globe, I drove to Dulles
and said that I had already given it
to him. I looked at the contract and
there it was, just as I’d told him:
International Airport in Washington, “Phillip Wannel.”
DC, with my wife to pick up her PHILIP NICKISCH, B e l l e v u e , Ne b ra s k a
boss’s guest. When we got back to the
parking lot, our car was dead. It was To read more 100-word stories and to
submit your own, go to rd.com/stories.
an unexpected and embarrassing If your story is selected for publication in
situation. Since we were new to the the magazine, we’ll pay you $100.

26 | 10•2018 | rd.com ILLU ST R AT ION BY YE V H E NIA H AIDAM AKA

 THINGS YOU CAN COUNT ON:
THE TALLEST TALES. THE BEST OF FRIENDS.
AND A PHONE THAT CATCHES IT ALL.

GET RELIABLE 4G LTE SERVICE THAT KEEPS YOU CONNECTED FOR LESS.

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Airtime service plan is required for activation. Phone and plan sold separately. A month equals 30 days. *Unlimited carryover — Service must be active and in use
within any six-month period. †Requires a compatible or unlocked 4G LTE smartphone. Actual availability, coverage, and speed may vary. LTE is a trademark of ETSI.
FINISH THIS SENTENCE

My favorite
Tacoma, WA

My wife told me to
stop impersonating
a flamingo.
Love is blind,
but marriage is a real
I had to eye-opener!

put my Meridian, ID GINNIE HOSTVEDT

foot
down. I tell my friends that
LEAH TAFF

I run things
at my house …
the vacuum cleaner, the
Fresno, CA garbage disposal, etc.
GARY WILSON

You might be
an Alaskan if
“There’s a moose in my driveway” is an
acceptable reason to be late to work.
KIMBERLY SZCZATKO

Wrangell, AK
one-liner is …
The best thing about the good old days is

we weren’t good
I like to and we weren’t old.
hold SHARON WILBER

hands
in the movie theater, Waterloo, NY
which really startles
Kentwood, MI
strangers.
ROBERT JONES Middleburg Heights, OH

Fieldsboro, NJ

Pekin, IL
I named my two dogs
Rolex and Timex.

They’re
“Incontinence watch dogs.
hotline. RAYMOND HERZOG

Please hold!”
RITA DESOLLAR
Duluth, GA
I was
raised as
Never trust an atom. an only
They make up everything! child,
INDY FRY which really
annoyed
my sister.
EILEEN EGGERT

M A P BY 5 W I N FO G R AP HI CS rd.com | 10•2018 | 29
 Life
IN THESE UNITED STATES

“And if you fall behind on payments, it drives itself back to the dealership.”

WHEN THE BOX with my Halloween WHOEVER SAID “Don’t bite off
costume arrived, it was empty. I more than you can chew” has never
called the company and asked where been to a buffet with my family.
my Maid Marian costume was. @ATSUKOCOMEDY (ATSUKO OKATSUKA)
“We’re sorry, ma’am. We’ll send
your costume tomorrow,” the repre- AS MY WIFE AND I prepared for our
sentative said. “In the meantime, feel garage sale, I came across a painting.
free to keep the Lady Godiva cos- Looking at the back, I discovered
tume you got by mistake.” that I had written “To my beautiful
KAREN ATANASOFF, wife on our fifth anniversary. I love
Ha r r i s b u r g , P e n n s y l v a n i a you … Keith.” Feeling nostalgic about

30 | 10•2018 | rd.com CARTOON BY RON MORGAN

 a gift I’d given her 25 years earlier, I
showed it to her, thinking we should A TRICK OR TREAT FEAT
No one does Halloween quite like
rehang the picture. After gazing at
Josh Sundquist. At nine, Sundquist
my message for a few seconds, she
lost a leg to cancer. Now, each
replied, “You know, I think a black October 31, he creates an amazing
marker would cover over all that so costume that shows there’s no limit
that we could sell it.” to what he can do.
KEITH CHAMBERS, Ma i t l a n d , F l o r i d a

PARENTHOOD
■ I like having conversations with
kids. Grown-ups never ask me what
my third-favorite reptile is.
@SIMONCHOLLAND
■ My two-year-old has a superpower:
Everything he touches gets sticky.
@A_PANIAGUA
■ We could live inside the school bus
and my son would still find a way to
make us late for it every day.
@DADANDBURIED

AFTER DOING some DIY projects

around the house, I have a new
motto: Do your best to do things
right the first few times.
THOMAS NGO, Ly n w o o d , Wa s h i n g t o n

TO SAVE MONEY, I suggested to one

of my grown sons that we all live
together in one house. I could tell he
COURTESY JOSH SUNDQUIST

didn’t think it would be cost-effective

when he asked, “Who’s going to pay
the therapist?” VIRGINIA DAVIES,
Ne wp or t B e ach, Calif ornia

Got a funny story about friends or family?

It could be worth $$$. For details, see
page 3 or go to rd.com/submit.

rd.com | 10•2018 | 31
bladder (OAB) treatment in its class.
In clinical trials, those taking Myrbetriq made fewer trips to the bathroom and had
fewer leaks than those not taking Myrbetriq. Your results may vary.
TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR OAB SYMPTOMS BY TALKING
TO YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT MYRBETRIQ TODAY.
USE OF MYRBETRIQ (meer-BEH-trick)
Myrbetriq® (mirabegron) is a prescription medicine for adults used to treat overactive
bladder (OAB) with symptoms of urgency, frequency and leakage.
IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION
Myrbetriq is not for everyone. Do not take Myrbetriq if you have an allergy to mirabegron or
any ingredients in Myrbetriq. Myrbetriq may cause your blood pressure to increase or make
your blood pressure worse if you have a history of high blood pressure. It is recommended
that your doctor check your blood pressure while you are taking Myrbetriq. Myrbetriq may
increase your chances of not being able to empty your bladder. Tell your doctor right
away if you have trouble emptying your bladder or you have a weak urine stream.

Myrbetriq® is a registered trademark of Astellas Pharma Inc.

All other trademarks or registered trademarks are the property of their respective owners.
©2018 Astellas Pharma US, Inc. All rights reserved. 057-2708-PM
IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION (CONTINUED)
Myrbetriq may cause allergic reactions that may be serious. If you experience swelling
of the face, lips, throat or tongue, with or without difficulty breathing, stop taking Myrbetriq
and tell your doctor right away.
Tell your doctor about all the medicines you take including medications for overactive
bladder or other medicines such as thioridazine (Mellaril™ and Mellaril-S™), flecainide
(Tambocor®), propafenone (Rythmol®), digoxin (Lanoxin®) or solifenacin succinate
(VESIcare®). Myrbetriq may affect the way other medicines work, and other medicines
may affect how Myrbetriq works.
Before taking Myrbetriq, tell your doctor if you have liver or kidney problems. The most
common side effects of Myrbetriq include increased blood pressure, common cold
symptoms (nasopharyngitis), dry mouth, flu symptoms, urinary tract infection, back pain,
dizziness, joint pain, headache, constipation, sinus irritation, and inflammation of the
bladder (cystitis).
For further information, please talk to your healthcare professional and see Brief
Summary of Prescribing Information for Myrbetriq® (mirabegron) on the following pages.
Myrbetriq® (mirabegron) extended-release tablets 25 mg, 50 mg
Brief Summary based on FDA-approved patient labeling
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SWEET RAISINS

CRUNCHY BRAN FLAKES

PLOT TWIST
WE ADDED BANANA SLICES ®, TM, © 2018 Kellogg NA Co.
 ART of LIVING
Falls send more people, especially younger folks, to the
doctor than any other injury. The best protection?

Learn to Not Fall

BY NEI L ST EI NB E R G F R O M MOSAICSCIENCE.COM
S HU T T E R STO C K ( 2)

rd.com | 10•2018 | 37
 ALCIDES MORENO and his brother Edgar Moreno were window washers
in New York City. On December 7, 2007, the brothers took an elevator to the
roof of a 47-story apartment building. They stepped onto the 16-foot-long,
3-foot-wide aluminum scaffolding designed to slowly lower them down the
black glass of the building. But the anchors holding the platform gave way,

plunging it and them 472 feet to the States after falling than for any other
alley below. The fall lasted mere form of injury, including car acci-
seconds. dents, according to the Centers for
Edgar tumbled off the scaffolding, Disease Control and Prevention. And
hit the top of a wooden fence, and while elderly people with fragile
was killed instantly. But rescuers bones certainly need to be careful,
found Alcides alive, crouching amid they may not be the group at the big-
a tangle of crushed aluminum in the gest risk of injuring themselves in a
alley next to the building, breathing fall. In a study published last year in
and conscious. PLOS One, nearly 18 percent of men
Falls are one of life’s great over- ages 18 to 44 had reported a fall-
looked perils. We fear terror attacks, related injury in the prior three
shark bites, Ebola outbreaks, and months, more than double the per-
other remote dangers, yet each year centage of men 65 and older.
an estimated 646,000 people die Falls can happen anywhere at any
worldwide after falling. Falls are time to anyone. Spectacular falls from
the second-leading cause of death great heights outdoors, such as the
by injury, after car accidents. In the plunge of the Moreno brothers, are
United States, falls caused more than actually extremely rare. The most
33,000 fatalities in 2015. dangerous spots for falls are not roof-
DAV E I M M S

Falls are even more significant as tops or cliffs but the low-level interior
a cause of injury. More patients go settings of everyday life: shower stalls,
to emergency rooms in the United supermarket aisles, and stairways.

38 | 10•2018 | rd.com
 If you do fall, don’t
do it like this.
Instead, protect
your head and twist
to land on your
“fleshy” parts.

Any fall, even a tumble out of bed, balance, he can walk again. “I keep
can change life profoundly, taking asking myself why I lived,” Alcides
someone from robust health to grave told the BBC. “I have a new baby—he
disability in less than one second. must be the reason, to raise this kid
It’s no wonder that scientists are now and tell him my history.”
encouraging people of all ages to Given the tremendous cost of falls
learn how to fall to minimize injury, to individuals and society and the
to view falling not so much as an un- increasing knowledge of how and
expected hazard to be avoided as an why falls occur, it pays to learn how
inevitability to be prepared for. to prevent them—and what you can
Training may even have been a fac- do to lessen harm in the split second
tor determining the outcome of the after you start to fall. Some of the
Moreno brothers’ fall to earth. One following tips are just common
theory was that Alcides lived because sense—and too easily brushed aside
when the scaffolding gave way, he lay until the oversight has caused an
flat and clung to the platform, as pro- accident. A few suggestions might
fessional window washers are taught require a bit of training, or at least
to do. As the scaffolding fell into the some practice. They’re all worth
narrow alley, air resistance may have thinking about, no matter how
built up against the platform, slowing steady you may feel on your feet.
it down. Deceleration is the key to
surviving falls and reducing injuries. ■ PREPARE YOUR ENVIRONMENT
As the joke goes, “It’s not the fall that Secure loose rugs or get rid of them.
gets you; it’s the sudden stop at the Make sure the tops and bottoms
bottom.” Alcides ultimately under- of staircases are lit. Clean up spills
went 16 surgeries and was in a coma immediately. Install safety bars and
for weeks. But after a long regimen put down traction strips in showers,
of physical and occupational therapy and treat slick surfaces such as
to strengthen his legs and restore his smooth marble floors with anti-slip

rd.com | 10•2018 | 39
L E A R N TO N OT FA L L

coatings. If there’s ice outside your down immediately. Don’t worry that
home, clear it and put down salt. someone might think you are weak
or that you are being rude; you can
■ BE CAREFUL, EVEN IN THE MOST get back up once you’ve established
ORDINARY PLACES you are not going to lose conscious-
Watch where you are going. Don’t ness. Eat a balanced diet to support
walk while reading or using your bone density and muscle strength,
phone. Always hold handrails—most especially if you are older, so that
people using stairways do not. Don’t you are less likely to be injured if you
have your hands in your pockets, do fall. A study of more than 12,000
as this reduces your ability to regain elderly French people in 2015 found
your balance when you stumble. connections between poor nutrition,
Remember that your balance can falling, and fractures. Strength train-
also be thrown off by a heavy ing helps too. Lower body strength is
suitcase or backpack. important for recovering from slips;
upper body strength, for surviving
■ IMPROVE YOUR GEAR falls.
Wear good shoes with treads. On
ice, do not wear high heels. Wear a ■ IF YOU FALL, ROLL
helmet when bicycling, skiing, and Scientists studying falls are develop-
skateboarding. Use a cane or a walker ing “safe landing responses” to help
if required. Hike with a walking stick. limit damage. If you are falling, first
And get a hearing aid if you need protect your head. Fight trainers and
one. “Individuals with hearing loss parachute jump coaches encourage
had more difficulty with balance and people not to fall straight forward or
gait and showed significant improve- backward. The key is to roll and
ment when they had a hearing aid,” try to let the fleshy side parts of your
says Linda Thibodeau, a professor at body absorb the impact.
the University of Texas at Dallas’s “Don’t reach back for the floor
Advanced Hearing Research Center, with your hands,” says Chuck Coyl,
summarizing a recent pilot study. fight director at the Lyric Opera
of Chicago, describing how he tells
■ LISTEN TO YOUR BODY actors to fall onstage. “Distribute
Drugs, alcohol, and even sleep depri- the weight on the calf, thigh, into
vation can affect balance and coordi- the glutes, rolling on the outside
nation, making them a factor in falls. of your leg as opposed to falling
If you feel light-headed or faint, sit straight back.”
THIS IS AN EDITED VERSION OF AN ARTICLE FIRST PUBLISHED BY WELLCOME ON MOSAICSCIENCE.COM
AND IS REPUBLISHED HERE UNDER A CREATIVE COMMONS LICENSE.

40 | 10•2018 | rd.com
FOOD

If you’re throwing away

these leftover parts of fresh
produce, you could be
missing out on key nutrients

Food Parts You

Should Never
Throw Out
BY ISA D O RA B AU M

Pineapple Core
When you carve out the core
of a pineapple, don’t throw it in
the garbage. “Pineapples contain
bromelain, an enzyme that can re-
duce nasal and sinus inflammation,
mitigate arthritis and muscle pain, and po-
tentially fight cancer,” says Lauren Popeck, RD.
Chop and add the core to fruit salads, slaws,
chutneys, salsas, or stir-fries; blend it into
smoothies; or toss it into water, tea, sangria,
or even marinades to enhance flavor.

Kiwi Skin
If you never thought you could eat a kiwi as
you would a peach, think again. That skin
is, in fact, really good for you. “Kiwi skin has
more fiber than the rest of the fruit,” says
Kelly R. Jones, MS, RD. “Preserve vitamin C
by not peeling kiwi before you store it, since
vitamin C decreases once the fruit is exposed
to oxygen.” If you don’t like the skin’s texture,
add a whole kiwi to a smoothie. (Wash all
rinds and skins before eating, of course, using
cold water and a vegetable brush.)

42 | 10•2018 | rd.com
 Onion Skin essential vitamins and minerals, such
When skinning an onion, hold on as folate, vitamin A, calcium, and
to those scraps, which contain a high potassium.” Grate the colored part of
level of quercetin, a phytonutrient the peel and sprinkle on green beans;
that fights inflammation, reduces blend into smoothies, vinaigrettes, or
blood pressure, prevents arterial marinades; or stir into yogurt, cottage
plaque, and keeps the heart healthy. cheese, or oatmeal. Orange, lime, and
Red onion skins contain more grapefruit zests also add flavor and
quercetin than white ones. nutrition with few calories.
“Add them along with the rest
of the onion to soup, stock, Watermelon
or sauce, then discard before Rind and Seeds
eating,” says Popeck. The delicious red insides of water-
melon make for a refreshing snack,
Banana Peel but there are powerful nutrients in
Most of us eat bananas without giv- the rind and seeds as well, says
ing the peel a second thought. Here’s Popeck: The white part of the rind
why that’s a mistake: “Banana peels “contains the amino acid citrulline,
contain tryptophan, which boosts which is converted into arginine,
serotonin, ‘the happiness hormone,’” which helps to increase blood flow,
says Popeck. To use the peel, go ripe. improve heart health, boost immu-
“Riper peels are softer, thinner, and nity, and reduce muscle fatigue.”
tastier,” she explains. She recom- Add watermelon rind to smoothies;
mends boiling them for at least chop and add to fruit salads, salsas,
ten minutes to soften. Then add to chutneys, or slaws; mix into soups
smoothies, stir-fries, or soups. Or with potatoes and carrots; or pickle
puree and add to muffin or cake it. As for the seeds, which contain
batter. For a treat, slice and bake a magnesium, iron, folate, and other
banana with the skin on. key vitamins and minerals, toss them
in olive oil and salt and roast at 350°F
Citrus Zest for 10 to 15 minutes. Then sprinkle
PROP STYLIST: KATE MCINDOE

Don’t just squeeze lemon over on salads or add to trail mix.

fish and toss the rind. According to
Popeck, there are some great nutri- Celery Leaves
tional benefits hiding in there, in- Celery leaves are rich in magne-
cluding “more than a gram of fiber sium, calcium, and vitamin C. “You
in two tablespoons of zest, nearly can use them in salads, as part of
three times as much vitamin C in vegetable stock, or as a garnish,”
the peel than in the flesh, and other says Ilyse Schapiro, MS, RD.

P H OTO G R A PH BY M ATTHEW CO HEN rd.com | 10•2018 | 43

LIFE WELL LIVED

The soldier never forgot his childhood

crush, and once they reunited, neither war
nor illness would keep them apart

From Kindergarten
To Cancer: A Love Story
BY TAM MY LA GO RCE
F ROM TH E N E W YORK TIM ES

JAMES GARISH IS NO spelling Stipkovits said. “He was ‘Little Bad

bee champ—in fact, he dropped Jimmy,’ the class clown, the one al-
out of school at 14 and spent more ways getting yelled at by the teacher.”
than half a decade in dead-end jobs That the onetime five-year-old hand-
before enlisting in the Army in 2008. ful remembered her and her hard-to-
But Garish never forgot the tricky spell name stopped her in her tracks.
string of letters that added up to That was eight years ago. The
the last name of his kindergarten relationship that unspooled from
crush, Elizabeth Stipkovits. He also that friend request has bound
never forgot the girl behind the together Garish and Stipkovits in a
name, which is why he typed it into foxhole of brokenness, determina-
his laptop one lonely night in 2010 tion, and love.
while serving in Iraq. In 2014, four years after they re-
“I started wondering how life had connected, 31-year-old Stipkovits
turned out for her,” said Garish, 34. He received her first breast cancer diag-
found her still living in McKeesport, nosis. The cancer returned twice and
Pennsylvania, the working-class city metastasized. At the end of 2017, she
where they had grown up. So he sent was being treated for cancer in her
a friend request on Facebook. femur and lung. In January, it had
Stipkovits had no idea who he was. spread to her brain. “Little Bad
She was half a world away, a single Jimmy,” now a supervisor at a
mother raising her six-year-old McKeesport Rite-Aid, never left
daughter, Maleena. But her mother her side.
did recall a James Garish. “Chemo has taken a lot of my
“She told me I was in kindergarten memory,” said Stipkovits. “But
with him. Then I remembered,” he always reminds me he’s been

44 | 10•2018 | rd.com
 Garish and Stipkovits’s wedding was organized by the nonprofit Jamie’s Dream Team.

in love with me since kindergarten.” dad is a retired chief in the Navy

Garish had only six months left in and served in Kuwait. “Sometimes
his three years of active duty when you just really need someone to vent
he friended Stipkovits on Facebook. to,” she said.
Her calls brought relief from his Stipkovits was delighted to be his
high-stakes job as an escort for  someone. When Garish impulsively
C H R I ST I A N T Y L E R RA N D OL P H /N E W YO RK TI M ES

explosive ordnance disposal special- bought a plane ticket home for

ists, the military experts who get rid Christmas in 2010, she was even
of explosive weapons. more delighted by the surprise of
“We would go out on up to seven him on her front porch.
missions a day. It was stressful, and I “It was dark out and he pulled me
was sleep-deprived. One of the close, and it felt good,” Stipkovits said.
things I looked forward to most was By the following summer, Garish
talking on the phone with Liz,” said had completed his service and moved
Garish, who was deployed with the back to McKeesport. He spent most of
third infantry division out of Fort his time at Stipkovits’s house, coloring
Stewart, Georgia. and playing games with Maleena
Stipkovits knew how he felt, far while Stipkovits, then still healthy,
away from friends and family. Her worked as a medical secretary.

rd.com | 10•2018 | 45
LIFE WELL LIVED

Reintegration to civilian life took with my daughter in the manner he

time. “The neighborhood I lived in did, I would marry him.”
wasn’t the safest, and I had to give She said yes.
myself time to readjust to the point The fairy-tale fantasy, though,
where I could be in groups of people was far out of reach. The hospital
and not freak out,” Garish said. bills were adding up, and Stipkovits
He had never been married and had long been too sick to work.
had no children, but Garish had But there are those around
shown an inclination to McKeesport who believe
care for them. Before he in making dreams come
and Stipkovits reunited true. Doctors had not
in 2010, he’d donated “I had the told Stipkovits how long
much of his first Army same wish she could expect to keep
paycheck, around $600, fighting. But in late
to Jamie’s Dream Team,
every little girl 2017, Lori McKown, an
a local charity. The does of a fairy- oncology social worker
money helped a six- tale wedding.” at the hospital, started
year-old boy suffering contacting charities. A
from the genetic disor- colleague told her about
der Marfan syndrome go on a long- Jamie’s Dream Team. “Little did I
wished-for camping trip. know her fiancé had donated his first
On August 20, 2017, three years paycheck there,” she said.
after her first cancer diagnosis, Jamie Holmes, the founder of
Stipkovits was being fitted with a Jamie’s Dream Team, hadn’t forgot-
portable defibrillator at  UPMC ten Garish. “I was like, absolutely
Shadyside Hospital in Pittsburgh. we’re going to put on a wedding for
“I think we deserve something good them,” she said.
to happen,” Garish said out of the On February 17, two months
blue. “Will you marry me?” after Jamie’s Dream Team rallied
Stipkovits laughed. “It was just so more than a dozen Pittsburgh-area
funny,” she said. “I was in a hospital vendors to donate things such as
bed, dying. I looked at him and said, flowers, a wedding cake, and a photo
‘You just want the insurance money.’” booth, Garish and Stipkovits were
But behind the laughter was ela- married before 200 guests at Old
tion. “I had the same wish every little Stone Church in Monroeville,
girl does of a fairy-tale wedding, Pennsylvania.
the crystals and the Cinderella ball Stipkovits, flanked by four brides-
gown. And I always told myself that maids and Maleena, her maid of
if I found someone who bonded honor, wore a full-length white

46 | 10•2018 | rd.com
 READER’S DIGEST

dress sewn with endured more

Swarovski crys- than most mar-
tals provided ried couples. Be-
by the Exquisite fore the wedding,
Bride in Murrys- Stipkovits told
ville, Pennsylva- Garish, “When
nia. Her hair, full we say our vows,
despite years of the only thing
chemotherapy, we’ll have left to
was swept into a accomplish is till
side ponytail. death do us
Garish, in a black part.”
tuxedo instead of A DJ played
his Army uni- “Because You
form, still wore a Loved Me” by
buzz cut. Celine Dion for
The ceremony the first dance.
was punctuated The lyric “You
by pauses so The couple’s first dance brought some were my strength
Stipkovits, who wedding guests to tears. when I was weak /
was on dialysis, You were my
could catch her breath and dab at voice when I couldn’t speak” had on-
her tears. lookers in tears while Stipkovits and
Guests didn’t seem worried at the Garish held each other.
reception when Stipkovits fell after X X X
Garish playfully pushed a piece of
C H R I ST I A N T Y L E R RA N D OL P H /N E W YO RK TI M ES

red velvet cake toward his new wife’s EDITOR’S NOTE: A day before
face. She quickly got up. Her father the couple’s two-month wedding
said, “This is the most energetic I’ve anniversary, Stipkovits died at home,
seen her in quite some time.” surrounded by her family, with
Stipkovits and Garish had already Garish holding her hand.
NEW YORK TIMES (MARCH 9, 2018), COPYRIGHT © 2018 BY NEW YORK TIMES, NYTIMES.COM.

Around the World In …

The human body has an estimated 60,000 miles of
blood vessels—that’s more than two times the circumference of Earth.
sources: national institutes of health and nasa

rd.com | 10•2018 | 47
HEALTH

We think of winter as cold and flu season, but the chilly

temperatures have powerful biological upsides too

7 Surprising Ways Cold

Weather Helps Your Body
BY ISA D O RA B AU M AND J E N M CC AF F E RY

BOOSTS YOUR BRAIN the winter. The brain requires glucose

1 Colder temperatures can help to function, but the body uses more of
you think more clearly. Studies have it in warmer temperatures to keep the
found that people perform some body cool. That leaves less available
cognitive tasks (such as making deci- fuel for reasoning and recall tasks.
sions) better when the temperature
is cooler. Research has also shown BURNS CALORIES
that people are less inclined to tackle 2 When it’s cold, your body
complex tasks in the summer than in works harder to maintain your core

48 | 10•2018 | rd.com PH OTOG R APH BY C LAIR E B E NOIST

 temperature, which is typically a dehumidifier to maintain the
about 98.6 degrees. “Our bodies use humidity at home below 50 percent.
a considerable amount of energy to
keep us warm and to humidify the ENCOURAGES BETTER SLEEP
air we breathe when we’re out in 5 Your body’s core temperature
the cold,” explains Stacy Tucker, RN, drops when you’re trying to sleep.
cofounder of Almeda Labs in Kansas This process can take up to two
City, Missouri. So lace up your hours in the summer, but it’s much
boots: A recent study of 53 people faster in winter, says Tucker. Plus,
showed that participants burned with darker mornings, you naturally
34 percent more calories when they sleep later.
hiked in 14- to 23-degree tempera-
tures than they did hiking on FIGHTS INFECTIONS
50-degree days. 6 Yes, you might get more colds
during the winter. However, studies
ACTIVATES HEALTHY FAT have shown that the immune system
3 We know accumulating can be activated by colder tempera-
too much ordinary fat (sometimes tures, which enhances our ability to
called “white” fat) can endanger fight infections, explains Tucker. That
our health. But adults also have said, the flu virus thrives in cold,
small amounts of beneficial “brown” dry air, and time spent indoors in-
fat that can stoke their metabolism creases your chance of infection. To
PROP STYLIST: SARAH GUIDO-LAAKSO FOR HALLEY RESOURCES

to burn more calories—and cold reduce risk, get your annual flu shot,
temperatures can activate this wash your hands frequently, and go
brown fat. One study showed that outside.
participants who lowered their body
temperatures simply by placing one STRENGTHENS YOUR HEART
foot in cold water revved up their 7 In cold weather, the heart
brown fat cells fifteenfold. works harder during exertion to
pump blood and maintain the body’s
ALLEVIATES ALLERGIES core temperature. That’s a good
4 If spring and summer make thing. “Exercising in the winter
you sneeze, winter might be your makes heart muscles stronger,” says
new favorite season. Pollen counts Tucker. Once you warm up, you may
are virtually nonexistent in cold be able to go farther than when it’s
weather. Indoor allergies, however, hot outside. But if you are at risk
can be worse during the winter, for heart disease, be careful when
according to Tucker. To keep mold exercising outdoors in the cold; the
and dust mites to a minimum, use extra stress can be problematic.

rd.com | 10•2018 | 49
Joint Health
Strategies
that Keep
You Moving
We asked Dr. Nick DiNubile, a Do joint health supplements work?
nationally renowned orthopedic Yes, the key is choosing a
surgeon and sports medicine high-quality brand and taking it
specialist, his recommendations consistently for 6-8 weeks
for healthier joints. to see a response, then continue
as recommended.
I have joint discomfort in my knee.
What can I do? What should I look for in a
Manage your weight to help quality joint health supplement?
decrease the chance of arthritis Choosing a high-quality
and inflammation. joint supplement with premium
ingredients is critical. For my
Eat healthy and take a high-
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Cosamin®, because of the quality
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ingredients and the strong
Exercise regularly with a research supporting its use.
balanced routine that includes
cardiovascular, flexibility, and
strength training.
Learn more about
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www.drnick.com
 This is what
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 NEWS FROM THE

World of Medicine
How to Live Longer benefits. In a study of people ages
To test the assumption that a 65 to 85, those who were in a good
healthy lifestyle really adds years mood on the day of vaccination had
to your life, researchers devised a higher levels of influenza antibody in
simple study. They looked at the their blood up to 16 weeks later.
life span of more than 123,000
Americans and then checked to see Plant-Based Milks Are
who had stuck with these five daily Not All Equal
habits: eating well, exercising regu- Cow’s milk is nutritious for those who
larly, maintaining a healthy weight, can digest it properly, but as many
avoiding smoking, and drinking in as 65 percent of the world’s adults
moderation. Sure enough, the folks cannot. What about plant-based
who followed all five lived longer, milks, which are much more widely
but even the researchers were as- tolerated? Scientists from McGill
tonished by how much longer. University in Montreal compared
Women at age 50 who followed all unsweetened soy, almond, coconut,
five healthy habits lived 43 more and rice milks and concluded that
years on average, compared with soy milk offers the most nutritional
29 years for women who didn’t follow value. Why? It contains a balanced
any of them. Men who maintained all blend of the three macronutrients—
the habits lived an additional 38 years carbs, proteins, and fats—plus isofla-
beyond 50, compared with 26 years vones, compounds that may help
for those who didn’t. prevent hormone-related cancers
by binding with estrogen receptors.
A Good Mood Helps Your
Flu Shot Work Better A Nasal Antidepressant
In any given year, the flu shot is Works Quickly
estimated to be effective in only Esketamine, currently used as a
17 to 53 percent of older adults, general anesthetic, could prove to
compared with 70 to 90 percent of be a powerful weapon in the fight
younger people. Simply being in to prevent suicide. In a small study,
a good mood, however, appears to volunteers with severe depression
help older adults get the vaccine’s who used an esketamine nasal spray

52 | 10•2018 | rd.com
reported greater improvements centers, medical staff regularly
in their symptoms (including noted the level of patients’ pain
feelings of sadness, difficulty on a simple paper chart with
concentrating, and suicidal a pen: red (severe), yellow (mod-
thoughts) just four hours after erate), or green (mild). Those
their treatment, compared with whose care included use of the
volunteers who used a placebo. chart reported less pain during
This is significantly faster than this time, even though they
the four to six weeks it takes did not receive higher medicine
for most antidepressants to take doses. The chart apparently
effect. No benefits were observed prompts doctors to review which
after 25 days, however, pain medications are
suggesting that the spray working and which are
works for only a short time. not before patients’ pain
becomes unbearable.
Ibuprofen Negates
Strength Training’s Inhalers Raise Risk
Benefits Of Infection
A small study of young, A new study suggests that
healthy volunteers who adults over 65 who use
followed the same weight corticosteroid inhalers
training program revealed for asthma or chronic
that those who took a low obstructive pulmonary
dose of aspirin (75 mg a disease (COPD) raise their
day) had twice the muscle risk for infection with non-
development and a bigger tuberculous mycobacteria
increase in strength than (NTM). NTM can cause a
those taking high doses of serious lung infection in
ibuprofen (1,200 mg a day). some people that is notori-
If you want to build muscle ously difficult to treat
mass, consider because it is resis-
alternatives to tant to a number of
ibuprofen. common antibiot-
ics. People who use an
Charting Cancer inhaler (especially one
Pain with fluticasone, the active
During a five-day trial ingredient in Flonase)
with nearly 2,000 patients should discuss the risks
in 19 different cancer with their doctor.

P H OTO G R A PH BY T H E VO O R HES rd.com | 10•2018 | 53

 ALL IN

A Day’s Work

“Most people use the cloud. We just stuff paperwork in the ceiling tiles.”

WE UBER DRIVERS never know I’m the genius who designed this!”
whom we’re going to end up with Surprisingly, he still gave me a tip.
as a passenger. One day, I was driv- PATRICK GRILLIOT, B o w l i n g G r e e n , O h i o
ing over a new bridge, the design
of which was very confusing. Com- SCENE: A graphic artist consulting
pletely confounded, I muttered, with a client.
“I’d love to meet the genius who Client: I’m not too sure about the
designed this mess.” blue …
With that, my passenger extended Me: Actually, that’s green.
his hand in my direction and Client: Who’s the client?
said, “Well, today is your lucky Me: You.
day. My name is Mike, I work for Client: And what color is it?
the county engineer’s office, and Me: … Blue?

54 | 10•2018 | rd.com CARTOON BY SUSAN CAMILLERI KONAR

 Client: Right. Now let me see what ST. PETER: Why should I let you
other shades of blue we have. into heaven?
We settled on pine tree “blue.” Me: Once, a coworker said “suppos-
Source: clientsfromhell.net ably” seven times in a meeting, and
I just let her.
RANDOM THOUGHTS from office St. Peter: Get in here.
drones counting the hours till the @ABBYCOHENWL
weekend:
■ Today is the one-year anniversary
of this six-week project.
■ I keep hoping they’ll put the two
perfectionists on the same project
and they’ll correct each other to infin- HAIL TO THE CHIEF!
ity and stay out of everyone else’s way.
■ Just once I’d like to spend more In honor of National Boss’s Day
time discussing the project on a con- (October 16), here are actual
ference call than we spend asking quotes from the men and
“Who just joined?” Source: meetingboy.com women who hold our careers
in their hands:
MY MOTHER was browsing in a store
when a saleswoman offered assis- ✦ “Am I the only one around here
tance. Mom admitted she didn’t have with half a brain?!”
anything particular in mind, and the ✦ “I know your performance
pair started chatting. review is due today, but let’s wait
The woman quickly learned that until tomorrow. I’m not in the mood
Mom was retired. Interested, she for all that negativity.”
confessed that she, too, was consider- ✦ “I think you prefer your idea just
ing retirement. Mom immediately because it’s better than mine.”
started telling her how much she ✦ “We passed over a lot of good
liked no longer working and how the people to get the ones we hired.”
saleswoman would enjoy it too. ✦ “It has come to my attention
Finally, convinced by Mom’s that your salary is well below the
enthusiasm, she asked, “How long industry average. Therefore I am
have you been retired?” changing your title.”
T HE N OU N P ROJE C T

Mom said, “This is my first day.” ✦ “OK, you bunch of crybabies,

LEE BEACHAM, P i c k e n s , S o u t h C a r o l i n a what’s this I hear about poor
morale?”
source: inc.com
Your funny work story could be worth $$$.
For details, go to rd.com/submit.

rd.com | 10•2018 | 55
 COVER STORY

Old-Time
Doctor
Remedies
That WorkBY J E N M CC AF F ERY AND T I NA D O N VI TO

HONEY TO HEAL a wound. Cherries for gout.

Cod-liver oil—blech!—to keep your eyes
healthy. Your grandmother and her doctors
probably swore by these fixes, and now sci-
ence is catching up with them. Researchers
have produced hundreds of studies in the past
five years about the effectiveness of home
remedies. But not all the old-time solutions
really help. That’s why this list focuses on
treatments with evidence to back them up.
Remember that even natural cures can
interact with medications. If you take pills
regularly or have a chronic health condition,
check with your doctor before trying these.

PHOTO GR AP HS BY YASU+J UNKO

56 | 10•2018 | rd.com
 A
Age Spots
TRY:
Buttermilk
You can skip the expen-
sive skin creams. This
rich by-product of
butter contains lactic
acid and ascorbic acid.
One study showed that
this combination light-
ened age spots more
effectively than lactic
acid alone. Apply to the
spots with a cotton ball,
then rinse with water
after 20 minutes.

Allergies took a placebo. The to treat joint and mus-

TRY:
study’s authors recom- cle pain. A study of
Vitamin C mend getting two grams 215 patients found that
Vitamin C isn’t just per day from food and/ applying concentrated
good for the common or supplements. comfrey cream to the
cold; it turns out to lower and upper back

B
be an effective natural reduced muscle pain.
antihistamine. In one You can buy it in health
study, 74 percent of the food stores and online.
subjects who received
a vitamin C nasal spray Back Pain Blisters
reported that their noses TRY: TRY:
were less stuffy, com- Comfrey Petroleum Jelly
pared with 24 percent This medicinal plant has The rawness from
of the patients who been used for centuries blisters can be painful

58 | 10•2018 | rd.com
 READER’S DIGEST

enough, but chafing can Purvisha Patel, MD, a on top, and cover
irritate them further. dermatologist and the the plastic with a
Clean a blister with soap creator of Visha Skin heated towel. Remove
and water, and then Care. One study dem- everything after ten
reduce friction by ap- onstrated it was more minutes and gently
plying petroleum jelly effective than other scrub away the loos-
to the inflamed area treatments for second- ened skin with a pum-
and keeping it covered degree burns. Make ice stone. Of course,
with a bandage. sure you use pure aloe, you shouldn’t try this
not a scented version. If if you are allergic to
Bug Bites you own an aloe plant, aspirin.
TRY: simply cut open a leaf
Oatmeal and apply the liquid Canker Sores
“Oatmeal has a long directly to the affected TRY:
history—and equally area. For serious burns, Milk of
solid biological basis— you should still see a Magnesia
for its anti-itch effects,” doctor. Canker sores are
says Adam Friedman, ulcers of the mouth

C
MD, an associate pro- that can be caused
fessor of dermatology by viral infections or
at George Washington injuries. To ease the
School of Medicine pain, rinse your mouth
and Health Sciences Calluses with milk of magnesia
in Washington, DC. and Corns or apply it to canker
You can find creams TRY: sores three or four
ST Y LI ST: S U SA N OT TAV I A N O FO R HAL LE Y R E SO UR C E S

containing colloidal Aspirin times a day.

oatmeal in any drug- To create your own
store, or you can make corn-softening com- Constipation
a paste by mixing equal pound, crush five or six TRY:
parts oatmeal and uncoated aspirin tab- Ground
water; apply it to the lets into a fine powder. Flaxseed
bite for ten minutes, Mix the powder thor- “It’s almost as if nature
then rinse. oughly with one half tailor-made ground
teaspoon of lemon flaxseed to relieve
Burns juice and one half tea- constipation,” says
TRY: spoon of water. Dab Will Bulsiewicz, MD,
Aloe the paste onto the a gastroenterologist
“Aloe is a very soothing thickened skin, lay a in Mount Pleasant,
remedy for burns,” says piece of plastic wrap South Carolina. “It is a

rd.com | 10•2018 | 59
 D
great source of both membranes in the
insoluble and soluble intestinal tract. They
fiber, which add bulk have long been used
to the stool and pro- as a treatment for diar-
mote the growth of Diarrhea rhea. Make blackberry
good bacteria.” Ground TRY: tea by boiling one
flaxseed is an excellent Blackberry Tea or two tablespoons
source of plant-based Blackberries are rich of fresh or frozen black-
omega-3 fatty acids, in tannins, substances berries or dried
which are known to that can tighten mucous blackberry leaves in
help soften stool and
relieve constipation.
Aim for two to three
tablespoons a day as
part of a fiber-rich
diet.

Cough
TRY:
Thyme Tea
Thyme is a natural
expectorant that re-
laxes the respiratory
tract and loosens
mucus. Studies have
found that using
thyme in combination
with primrose or
ivy relieves the fre-
quency and duration
of coughs. To make
thyme tea, place
two tablespoons of
fresh thyme (or one
tablespoon dried) in
a cup of hot water.
Allow it to steep, then
drain out the herb.
Add honey to taste.

60 | 10•2018 | rd.com
 READER’S DIGEST

E G
one and a half cups
of water for ten
minutes, then strain.
Drink several cups
a day. You can also Eyestrain GERD and
buy blackberry tea, TRY: Heartburn
but make sure that it Cucumber TRY:

contains blackberry Lie on your back and Globe Artichoke

leaves and not just place one cucumber Extract
flavoring. slice (about one eighth Compounds in arti-
inch thick) over each choke leaves called
closed eye. Cucumbers caffeoylquinic acids
contain antioxidants stimulate the release of
that studies have bile from the gall blad-
shown help decrease der, which helps relieve
swelling and relieve nausea, gas, bloating,
pain. Replace the and other symptoms
slices with a cooler of gastroesophageal
pair every two or three reflux disease (GERD)
minutes, for up to and heartburn. Since
15 minutes total. the leaves are mostly
inedible, look for

F
artichoke extract
capsules in health food
stores or online.

Foot Odor Gout

TRY: TRY:
Lavender Oil Cherries
Lavender essential oil People who ate about
not only smells good 20 cherries every day
but also has antibacte- were less likely to
rial properties that help experience flare-ups
kill germs. Before bed, of gout, according to
rub a few drops of oil a study of 633 patients
onto your feet and with the condition.
massage it in. Pull on Cherries contain
a pair of socks to compounds that help
protect your sheets. neutralize uric acid.

rd.com | 10•2018 | 61
O L D -T I M E D O C T O R R E M E D I E S T H AT W O R K

H
High Cholesterol Insomnia
TRY: TRY:
Niacin Valerian
Studies show that taking Valerian, an herb,
Headaches niacin (vitamin B3) can helps people fall asleep
TRY: lower LDL (or “bad”) faster without the
Peppermint Oil cholesterol by 10 per- “hangover” effect of
Peppermint essential cent and triglycerides some sleeping pills.
oil cools the skin, by 25 percent, and raise It binds to the same
numbing the pain of a HDL (“good”) choles- receptors in the brain
tension headache as terol by 20 to 30 percent. that tranquilizers such
well as acetaminophen Since high doses can as Valium do. Take
does, according to two cause gastrointestinal one half to one tea-
small studies. Mix a problems, liver damage, spoon of valerian tinc-
few drops with olive and glucose intolerance, ture or two valerian
oil to prevent skin ask your doctor before root capsules 30 min-
irritation, then gently taking any supplements. utes before bed.
massage onto your
forehead and temples.

Hiccups
TRY:
Sugar
A spoonful of sugar
doesn’t just help the
medicine go down—
I
Indigestion
when it comes to TRY:
hiccups (contractions Fennel
of the diaphragm), it is Those tiny seeds that
the medicine. “Eating you often see in bowls
the grainy sugar at Indian restaurants
crystals forces you to are fennel. They
swallow harder than contain carminative
normal, and this re- agents, which help
sets your diaphragm” expel gas from the
to stop the spasms, intestinal tract. Chew
says Claire Martin, a a pinch of fennel to
nutritionist based in help prevent after-
Oakland, California. dinner belching.

62 | 10•2018 | rd.com
 READER’S DIGEST

J
Researchers suggest them with olive oil, a
drinking two or three natural lubricant that
cups a day to reap the will help soften and
benefits. moisturize lips nicely.
Joint Pain In fact, any vegetable

K
TRY: oil will do.
Green Tea

M
A potent antioxidant
found in green tea
called epigallocatechin- Kidney Stones
3-gallate (EGCG) may TRY:
put the brakes on the Lemon Juice Memory Lapses
joint pain and inflam- The most common type TRY:
mation of rheumatoid of kidney stone occurs Sage
arthritis, according to when oxalate—a com- A study in healthy older
a study in Arthritis pound found in foods adults found that taking
and Rheumatology. such as spinach, bran, sage leaf extract cap-
and french fries— sules improved word
builds up in urine and recall and memory.
“sticks” to calcium,
forming crystals. Menopausal
Drinking at least four Symptoms
ounces of lemon juice TRY:
per day could help, re- Hypnotism
searchers say, as citric A study published in
acid can prevent the Menopause found that
crystallization of cal- women who had five
cium and oxalate that sessions of hypnosis
creates these stones. per week experienced
74 percent fewer hot

L
flashes at the end of
a 12-week study than
did a control group.
Even better, the women
Lip Cracking in the hypnosis group
TRY: reported that the hot
Olive Oil flashes they did have
When you’ve got were less severe than
chapped lips, coat before.

rd.com | 10•2018 | 63
 N
motion sickness. serotonin receptors
“Although we do not in the gut that cause
yet understand the ex- it,” says dietitian Erin
act method that allows Palinski-Wade, RD,
Nausea ginger to be effective at CDE. It also may
TRY: reducing nausea, it is prompt the body to
Ginger thought it may work release enzymes that
Ginger can help by obstructing the help break down food.
alleviate nausea caused Sip some ginger ale
by chemotherapy, or tea, or chew some
morning sickness, or candied gingerroot.
 READER’S DIGEST

P
Neck Pain treatment. Add a few
TRY: drops of eucalyptus oil
Pressure to a pot of water, boil,
With your thumb or and remove the pot
your fingertips, apply Psoriasis from the stove. Drape
steady pressure on the TRY: a towel over your head
painful spot on your Capsaicin and shoulders, then
neck for three minutes. Capsaicin is what gives lean forward so it
Research shows that cayenne its heat. forms a tent over the
this simple acupres- Research has shown pan. Keep your face
sure technique helps that applying capsaicin about 18 inches above
loosen tight muscles to cream helps lessen the the water as you
lessen pain. itching of psoriasis. breathe deeply. As the
vapor rises, it carries

O R
droplets of oil into your
sinuses and loosens
congestion. Studies
show that the main in-
Osteoporosis Razor Burn gredient in eucalyptus
TRY: TRY: oil, cineole, can help
Soy Avocado people recover faster
A review of several Avocado is rich with from acute sinusitis.
studies conducted at vitamins and oils that
the University of North soften and hydrate Sore Throat
Carolina, Asheville, skin to relieve the ten- TRY:
found that people who derness of razor burn. Horehound Tea
ate foods rich in soy Apply mashed fruit or Horehound, a plant in
had healthier bones avocado oil directly to the mint family, can
and a reduced risk of the irritated skin. reduce the swelling
fractures. Scientists of inflamed throat

S
are still trying to figure tissue. It also thins mu-
out which active com- cus, helping you clear
pounds may account it from your throat.
for the protective ef- To make the tea, steep
fect, but good sources Sinusitis two teaspoons of the
of soy protein include TRY: chopped fresh herb in
soybeans, soy milk, Eucalyptus Oil one cup boiling water
miso, tempeh, and Give your congested for ten minutes; strain
tofu. sinuses a steam and drink.

rd.com | 10•2018 | 65
O L D -T I M E D O C T O R R E M E D I E S T H AT W O R K

T W
have been mixed about
the effect of cranberry
juice on UTIs, scientists
think a compound in
Tooth and cranberry juice can Wounds
Gum Pain prevent bacteria from TRY:
TRY: sticking to the walls of Honey
Clove Oil the urinary tract. Since ancient Egyp-
“Oil of cloves can some- tian times, people

V
times soothe an in- have used honey as
flamed tooth,” says Saul a salve for wounds.
Pressner, DMD, a dentist Pure honey contains
in New York City. Clove the enzyme glucose
oil has bacteria-slaying Varicose Veins oxidase, which
properties and also a TRY: causes a chemical
numbing effect. Mix a Horse Chestnut reaction that re-
few drops with olive oil Horse chestnut seed leases hydrogen per-
to avoid irritation, then extract improves blood oxide, an antiseptic.
swish it in your mouth. vessel elasticity and Honeys range widely
seems to strengthen the in their antibacterial

U
valves inside veins, potency, however.
thanks to an active in- For best results, sci-
gredient called aescin. entists recommend
Take a 250-milligram manuka honey, from
Urinary Tract pill of horse chestnut New Zealand, which
Infection seed extract twice a day contains an addi-
TRY: for three months. tional compound
Cranberry Juice that increases its ef-
A study of 373 women Vision Problems fectiveness. Apply
with a history of urinary TRY: honey directly to a
tract infections (UTIs) Cod-Liver Oil wound every 12 to
showed that those who This oil is a rich source 24 hours and cover it
drank a glass of cran- of omega-3 fats, which with sterile gauze.
berry juice daily had increase blood flow to
a 40 percent reduction the eyes and decrease
in the number of UTIs the risk of developing
compared with those glaucoma and possibly
who drank a placebo. macular degeneration.
While other studies Take one teaspoon daily.

66 | 10•2018 | rd.com
 READER’S DIGEST

Warts
TRY:
Duct Tape
Although doctors aren’t
sure why it works, one
study found that putting
duct tape on warts
and replacing it every
six days was 25 percent
more effective than
freezing them—and
much cheaper.

Y
Yeast Infection
TRY:
Sea Salt
Sprinkle a cup of sea salt
in a tub of warm water,
then take a nice soak to
relieve itching and pain.

Z Zits
TRY:
Tea Tree Oil
In one study, a 5 per-
cent tea tree oil gel
was as effective as a
5 percent benzoyl per-
oxide lotion in limiting
acne outbreaks—with
fewer side effects.

rd.com | 10•2018 | 67
R AC I N G T H E STO R M

T
HE MORNING OF APRIL 25, 2015, arrived with only a whisper
of wind. Sailboats traced gentle circles on Alabama’s Mo-
bile Bay, preparing for the annual Dauphin Island Regatta.
On board the Kyla, a lightweight 16-foot catamaran whose
two hulls were connected by a sturdy trampoline-like
canvas, Ron Gaston and Hana Blalack practiced trapezing. Ron teth-
ered his hip harness to the boat, then leaned back over the water as
the boat tilted and the hull under their feet went airborne.

“Physics,” he said, grinning. about the race: “Canceled due to in-

Hana grinned back. clement weather.” How could that be,
Ron and Hana made an unusual on such a calm and beautiful day?
crew. He was tall and lanky, 50 years In fact, at 8:10 a.m., the yacht club
old, with decades of sailing experience. insisted the regatta was on. Gary Gar-
She was 15, tiny, pale, and redheaded, ner, the commodore of the club, said
and she had never stepped onto a sail- the cancellation was an error, the re-
boat. But Hana trusted Ron, who was sult of a garbled message.
like a father to her. And Ron’s daughter, The confusion delayed the race by
Sarah Gaston, was like a sister. an hour. After a false start, the boats
There were other boats on the water were still circling at 10:45 a.m. when
like Ron’s, as well as sleek race boats the National Weather Service in Mo-
with oversize masts and great ocean- bile issued a dire prediction, this time
going vessels with plush cabins. The for real: “Thunderstorms will move in
18-mile Dauphin Island Regatta had from the west this afternoon and across
long been an event focused on fun the marine area. Some of the thunder-
and on passing along the love of the storms may be strong or severe.”
sport from one generation to the next. Still, only eight of the 125 boats
All told, 125 boats with 475 sailors and withdrew. “It’s no big deal for us to
guests had signed up, many in teams see a weather report that says scat-
featuring teenagers paired with older tered thunderstorms, or even scat-
salts. But by the end of the day, it was tered severe thunderstorms,” Garner
clear who was in charge: Mother Na- would later say. “If you want to go
ture, and she offered a lesson no one race sailboats, and race long-distance,
would forget. you’re going to get into storms.”
On board the Razr, a 24-foot sloop,
AT 7:44 A.M., as sailors began to 17-year-old Lennard Luiten, his fa-
gather on the bay for a 9:30 start, the ther, Robert Luiten, and three friends
website of the Fairhope Yacht Club, scrutinized incoming weather reports:
the regatta’s host, posted a message The storm appeared likely to arrive

70 | 10•2018 | rd.com P R EV IOU S S PR E AD : ILLU ST R AT ION BY M IC H AE L BYE R S

 READER’S DIGEST

at 4:15  p.m., which

would give them
time to cross the fin-
ish line and return
to home port safely.
Lennard felt thrilled.
He and his father had
bought the Razr as a
half-sunk lost cause
and spent a year re-
building it. Now the
crew agreed they had
the boat “tuned” just
right.
The Razr’s crew
members had timed
their start with pre-
cision and led the
field for the first half
hour. The small cata-
marans were among
the fastest boats,
though, and the
Kyla hurtled Hana
and Ron for ward. Ron Gaston and Hana Blalack were in the water
On the open water, for more than two hours.
Ha na f e l t h e r s e l f
r e l a x . S h e a n d R o n p a s s e d a bay is so shallow an adult could stand
36-foot sailboat called the Wind Nuts, on its muddy bottom. On the north-
PHOTOGRAPH BY BRYAN SCHUTMAAT

captained by Ron’s friend Scott God- western shore stands the city of Mo-
bold. “Hey!” Ron called out, waving. bile, dotted with shining high-rises.
Godbold wasn’t racing; he and his The mouth of the bay is guarded by
wife, Hope Godbold, had come to Dauphin Island and the Fort Morgan
watch their son race and to help out if peninsula. Between them, a gap of
anyone had trouble. Scott waved back. just three miles of open water leads
into the vast Gulf of Mexico.
MOBILE BAY IS about 30 miles long During the first half of the race,
and half that wide. A deep channel Hana and Ron chased his brother and
runs up its center, but much of the nephew, Shane and Connor Gaston,

rd.com | 10•2018 | 71
R AC I N G T H E STO R M

Ten boats were lost headed north along the

that day, in one of thebay’s western shore.
worst sailing disasters Shortly before 3 p.m.,
in American history.
Ron and Hana watched
as storm clouds rolled to-
ward them from the west.
FLORIDA
“We may get some rain,”
Ron said, a characteristic
understatement.
Mobile By now, the storm,
which had first come
Fairhope AL ABAMA a l i v e i n Te x a s , h a d
crossed three states to
reach the edge of Mo-
bile Bay. At the National
Dauphin Island Weather Service office in
Mobile, meteorologists
watched it advance on
Miles radar. Jason Beaman, the
0 12
meteorologist in charge
of coordinating the of-
who sailed on an identical catamaran. fice’s warnings, noted the unusual
Conditions were ideal. The winds had way the storm kept gaining strength
steadily picked up, but the water was rather than blowing itself out quickly.
smooth. “It was an engine, like a machine that
“We’re smokin’!” Ron told Hana. keeps running,” he said.
At about 2 p.m., as they arrived at
the finish line, Hana looked back and UNDER THE DAUPHIN Island Bridge,
laughed. Ron’s brother was a minute a three-mile span that links the is-
behind them. land to the mainland, Ron’s daughter,
“Hey, we won!” she shouted. 17-year-old Sarah Gaston—also in
Typically, once crews finish the the race—struggled to control a small
M A P BY 5W I N FO GRA P HI C S

regatta, they pull into harbor at Dau- boat with her sailing partner, Jim
phin Island for a trophy ceremony and Gates, a 74-year-old family friend, as
a night’s rest. But the Gaston brothers wind and rain came over the bay.
decided to sail home in their twin “We just were looking for any land
boats to beat the storm; others made at that point,” Sarah said later. “But
the same choice. The brothers shared everything was white. We couldn’t
sandwiches and bottled water, then see land. We couldn’t even see the

72 | 10•2018 | rd.com
 READER’S DIGEST NEW!
bridge.” The pair watched as one of BIG
their sails ripped in slow motion, as if
by some invisible hands.
VANILLA
Farther north, Ron and Hana were
getting closer to the Buccaneer Yacht
LATTE
FLAVOR
Club, about seven miles away. Light-
ning crackled. “Don’t touch anything
metal,” Ron yelled to Hana. They hud-
dled on their boat’s fabric deck.
Less than two miles behind, Shane
and Connor disappeared behind a
curtain of rain.
Within moments, the rain caught
up with the Kyla. It came so fast and
was so dense that the world seemed to
be reduced to a small gray room, with
no horizon, no sky, no shore.
Then, without warning, the winds
rose to 73 miles per hour—almost hur-
ricane strength. Ron and Hana never
had a chance to let down their sails.
The front of the Kyla rose from the
water. The catamaran stood on its tail
for an instant, then flipped sideways.
The bay was only seven feet deep at
that spot, so the mast jabbed into the
mud and snapped in two.
Hana flew off, hitting her head on
the boom, the horizontal pole at-
tached to the mast. Ron landed be- BIG FOOD
tween her and the boat. He grabbed FOR
her with one hand and a rope at-
tached to the boat with the other. The
BIG DAYS
fabric deck, now vertical, caught the
wind like a sail.
As the boat blew away, it pulled Ron
© 2018 Kellogg NA Co.

through the water, away from Hana.

He faced a surreal decision: Let go of
the boat—or Hana.
R AC I N G T H E STO R M

He let go of the boat. boat barrel-rolled, and Lennard and

Hana and Ron both wore life jack- Brown were briefly scooped back onto
ets, but eight-foot swells crashed its deck before the keel snapped and
on them, threatening to separate or they were tossed once again, this time
drown them. The two wrapped their in the other direction.
arms around each other, and Hana Brown struggled in a raincoat. Len-
tucked her head against Ron’s chest nard swam around the boat, search-
to find a pocket of air free from the ing for his dad, whom he found with
piercing rain. Pouncey. After about 20 minutes of
being rocked by the
ABOUT 30 MILES waves, Lennard struck
north, a Coast Guard out for the shore to
ensign named Phil- As the boat find help.
lip McNamara stood dragged Ron As the Razr’s crew
his first-ever shift as through the struggled, an experi-
duty officer. As the enced sailor named
storm bore down on
water, he faced a Larry Goolsby, captain
Mobile Bay, distress surreal decision: of the 22-foot boat
calls came pouring in. Let go of the Team 4G, was in sight
Several times, he rang boat—or Hana. of the finish line when
h i s s u p e r i o r, C d r. the storm came his
Chris Cederholm, for way. The gale rolled
advice about how to respond. the boat over twice before a much
“By the third call, it was clear heavier 40-foot vessel appeared. It
something big was happening,” was moving with all the force of the
Cederholm said recently. When he storm at its back and bearing down on
arrived at the station, he triggered a the smaller boat’s three-person crew.
“mass rescue operation” protocol, “They’re going to hit us!” one of
summoning a response from air, land, them shouted just as the bigger boat
and sea. smashed into the Team 4G, running
As authorities scrambled to grasp over it and then dragging it along.
the enormity of the storm, hundreds The crew had managed to jump
of sailors on the bay struggled to sur- into the water just before impact.
vive it. Goolsby had grabbed a rope dangling
The wind flipped the Luitens’ Razr, from the charging boat and swung
slinging the crew—Lennard, Robert, himself up onto its deck. Reeling, he
71-year-old Jimmie Brown, and teen- looked back to see his crew members
age friends Adam Clark and Jacob in the water, growing more distant by
Pouncey—into the water. Then the the second. They weren’t wearing life

74 | 10•2018 | rd.com
 READER’S DIGEST
BIG DAYS
jackets. Goolsby snatched a life pre- ARE RIPE
server from the deck of the runaway WITH
vessel and dived back into the water, POTENTIAL
hoping to save his friends.
Normally, a storm’s hard edge blows
past in two or three minutes; this storm
continued for 45 minutes.

A DOZEN COAST GUARD ships re-

sponded, along with several airplanes,
helicopters, and a team that prowled
the coastline on all-terrain vehicles.
Near the Dauphin Island Bridge, a
Coast Guard rescue boat picked up
Sarah Gaston and Jim Gates. Like Ron
and Hana’s boat, Sarah and Jim’s had
bucked them into the water, though
they had been able to drag themselves
back onto the wreckage. Sarah had
suffered a leg injury and hypother-
mia, and as her rescuers pulled her
onto their deck, she went into shock.
Ron and Hana were still in the mid-
dle of the bay, where they had been
bobbing in the water for an hour.
They tried to swim for shore, but the
waves and current locked them in
place.
To stave off the horror of their pre-
dicament, Hana cracked dark jokes.
“I don’t think we’re going to make it
BIG FOOD
FOR
home for dinner,” she said.
“Look,” Ron said, pulling a phone BIG DAYS
with a waterproof cover from his
pocket. At the same moment, Hana
pulled out a GPS unit that she had
© 2018 Kellogg NA Co.

tucked into her life preserver.

Ron struggled to dial with his wet
fingers and handed the phone to
R AC I N G T H E STO R M

The day after the

storm, rescuers
found Ron Gaston’s
boat, the Kyla,
upside down in
Mobile Bay.

Hana, who called 911. A dispatcher sail, often used for balance, to slowly
answered: “What is your emergency wend their way toward the western
and location?” shore and onto land.
“I’m in Mobile Bay,” Hana said. Meanwhile, the crew members of
“The bay area?” the Team 4G clung to their one com-
“No, ma’am. I’m in the bay. I’m in mandeered life preserver, treading
the water.” water until they were rescued.
Using the phone and the GPS, and
watching the blue lights of a patrol AS THE SUN STARTED to set that eve-
boat, Hana guided rescuers to their ning, Scott and Hope Godbold sailed
location over the next hour and a half. into the Coast Guard’s Dauphin Island
As an officer pulled her from the station with three survivors of the
S HA RO N ST E I N M A N N /A L .CO M

water and onto the deck, Hana asked, regatta. Behind Scott’s sailboat, they
“This boat isn’t going to capsize, too, pulled a small inflatable boat that held
is it?” the body of a sailor not as lucky. He
Shane and Connor Gaston had also was one of six people who died that
gone overboard. Three times the wind day. Forty more people were rescued.
flipped their boat before the top of the After leaving Hope and the survi-
mast eventually broke. With the other vors at the station, Scott was joined
sails lost, they used the far smaller jib by his father, Kenny Godbold, who

76 | 10•2018 | rd.com
 READER’S DIGEST
FILL UP
had come to bring Scott diesel fuel
for his boat. Together, they contin-
FOR
ued the search on their way back to
their home marina. Scott had in mind
BIG DAYS
a teenager he knew: Lennard Luiten,
who remained missing.
The mood on the boat was somber.
Thankfully, Lennard’s father had been
found alive, as had his friend Jacob
Pouncey, but the two other Razr crew
members—Adam Clark and Jimmie
Brown—had not survived.
By this point, Lennard would have
been in the water, without a life jacket,
for six hours. Night had come, and the
men knew the chances of the boy be-
ing found alive were remote.
Scott eased his boat into the bay and
headed north. An hour into the trip, a
voice drifted over the water: “Help!”
Hours earlier, the current had swept
Lennard seaward. He had swum to-
ward an oil platform, but the waves
worked against him, and he watched
the platform move slowly from his
south to his north. There was nothing
but water and darkness, and still he
hoped: Maybe his hand would find a
crab trap. Maybe a buoy.
Now, in the pitch black of night,
BIG FOOD
a boat slowed, and a flashlight was FOR
shone into his face. BIG DAYS
“Is that you, Lennard?” Scott yelled
out.
Yes, Lennard replied. It was.
© 2018 Kellogg NA Co.

SMITHSONIAN, COPYRIGHT © 2017 SMITHSONIAN INSTITUTION.

REPRINTED WITH PERMISSION FROM SMITHSONIAN ENTERPRISES.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. REPRODUCTION IN ANY
MEDIUM IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION
FROM SMITHSONIAN INSTITUTION.
 Laughter
THE BEST MEDICINE

TOURISTS at a natural history The guard answers, “Well, the

museum are marveling at some dinosaur bones were 65,000,000
dinosaur bones. One of them asks years old when I started working
a guard, “Can you tell me how old here, and that was 11 years ago.”
the dinosaur bones are?” Source: haha.cafe

The guard replies, “They are

65,000,011 years old.” “ADAM AND EVE: the first people
“That’s an awfully exact number,” not to read the Apple Terms and
says the tourist. “How do you know Conditions.”
their age so precisely?” Church sign, via Planet Proctor newsletter

78 | 10•2018 | rd.com CARTOON BY JIM BENTON

 TWO DOG OWNERS are arguing
about whose pet is smarter.
“My dog is so smart,” says the first Limericks So Good Even
owner, “that every morning he goes Girls from Nantucket
to the store and buys me a sesame- Will Repeat Them
seed bagel with chive cream cheese, There once was a lady named
stops off at Starbucks and picks me Ferris
up a mocha latte, and then comes Whom nothing could ever
home and turns on ESPN, all before I embarrass.
get out of bed.” Till the bath salts one day,
“I know,” says the second owner. In the tub where she lay,
“How do you know?” the first Turned out to be plaster of paris.
demands.
“My dog told me.” A magazine writer named Bing
From the book Laughter: The Best Medicine Could make copy from most
anything,
IF NATALIE PORTMAN dated But the copy he wrote
Jacques Cousteau, they would win Of a ten-dollar note
celebrity-couple nicknaming forever Was so good he now lives in
Sing Sing.
with “Portmanteau.”
@THENARDVARK (BRYAN DONALDSON)
There once was a runner named
Dwight
A TRUCK carrying 12 tons of liquid Who could speed even faster
chocolate spilled its load across a than light.
European highway. The Week asked He set out one day
its readers: If a confectioner were to In a relative way
scrape up and sell all that chocolate, And returned on the previous
what brand name might it have? night.
■ Mr. Goodtar
■ Literally 5th Avenue A forgetful old gasman named
■ 3 Musketires Dieter,
■ Gutterfinger Who went poking around his
■ Pave-mint gas heater,
■ Tobleroad Touched a leak with his light;
T HE N OU N P ROJE C T

■ Autobahn-Bahns
He blew out of sight—
And, as everyone who knows
anything about poetry can tell
Your funny joke, list, or quote might you, he also ruined the meter.
be worth $$$. For details, see page 3 source: rd.com
or go to rd.com/submit.

rd.com | 10•2018 | 79
HUMOR
 SCOUT’S
HONOR BY JO E K I TA F RO M M E N’S HE ALTH

A middle-aged man braves bugs, leaky tents, and

a mess hall with 300 screaming kids to see if
he finally has the makings of a Boy Scout

PH OTO G R A PH BY GR EGG SEGAL rd.com | 10•2018 | 81

SCOUT’S HONOR

A
RE YOU ALL RIGHT?” the lifeguard screams.
“Do you need help?”
I’ve swallowed a lot of lake water and
can’t answer. Gasping for breath, I glimpse
my fellow Scouts lining the dock.
We’re at Camp Minsi in Pennsylvania’s
Pocono Mountains, trying to earn our
swimming merit badge. What they can’t vocalize I can see in their
wide eyes: The old guy might die!

But I manage to catch my breath And if you ever happened to come

and paddle to the ladder without across the Scout Law, you might realize
needing rescue. I climb up, embar- that you haven’t been as “trustworthy,
rassed and exhausted. One boy looks loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind,
up at me with a puzzled expression obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean,
and asks, “What are you doing here?” and reverent” as planned.
Good question. Forty- Indeed, what grown-up
f i v e y e a r s a g o, wouldn’t benefit from
after earning the a week at summer
rank of Bear in camp in Wi-Fi-free
Cub Pack 47, I quit woods with plenty of
Scouting—I stank time to whittle down
at tying knots. life’s priorities? Who
However, when a wouldn’t enjoy sit-

ST I L L L I FE P HOTOGR A P H S BY M AT T HE W CO HE N
man reaches middle ting around a camp-
age, funny things fire eating cherry
happen. The work- cobbler bubbled in
life climb is no lon- a Dutch oven and
ger well-defined and laughing until his
becomes more about stomach hurt?
finding a sturdy rung So in an in-
and hanging on. Those spired moment, I
buds you once shared approached the
so many good times Boy Scouts of
with turn into Buds Amer ica and
you share mostly with asked whether
yourself. there was any

82 | 10•2018 | rd.com
 READER’S DIGEST

each containing 28 grams of sugar,

way I could take up where I’d left off so
long ago. Was it too late for me to be- some along with a shot of Pop Rocks.
come an Eagle Scout? Yes, they said. (No wonder he wakes up one night
The cutoff age for Eagle is 18, and I’m screaming about a snake in his tent.)
seven presidents beyond that. But I And in this same hall, I—a grown
could attempt to become the world’s man—will be dressed down by an
first Bald Eagle Scout. I already had irate scoutmaster in knee socks for
the “bald” part down. “Eagle” would joining the line too early at the salad
take some work. bar. “Please sit down!” he yells.
But on this first day, I remain

I
T’S 6:30 A.M. on July 14, the first pleasantly naive. Breakfast ends with
full day of summer camp, but al- everyone standing for the rousing sing-
ready our troop’s along classic “I’m Alive,
17-year-old senior pa- Awake, Alert, Enthusias-
trol leader is whacking Kids run tic!” Those are the only
my tent flap and yell- around with words, and it’s sung to
ing “Wake up!” as rev- the tune of “If You’re
eille rat-a-tats in the spears, and not Happy and You Know
distant woods. Perhaps once do I hear, It.” Each time you say
because of the bugling “alive,” you touch your
and the ache in my “You’re going ankles; “awake,” your
back from spending the to poke your hips; “alert,” your shoul-
night in a tent, it feels ders; and for “enthu-
like the dawn of war.
eye out!” siastic,” you raise both
I dutifully don my arms in the air. And you
uniform shirt and neckerchief, report do this faster and faster for what seems
for morning inspection and camp flag like 50 verses—with 300 kids.
raising, and then join my troop as we Pumped up on empty carbs and
trudge to breakfast at the central din- camp anthems, I burst through the
ing hall. door after dismissal into the fresh
Three times a day, nearly 300 rav- mountain air, flush with promise for
enous boys descend upon this hall a new day and a new adventure.
in an attempt to stoke their raging

U
metabolisms. Here, in the days that NFORTUNATELY, my merit-
follow, I will watch in horror as “Fat badge classes (with the ex-
Joey” casually chews ketchup pack- ception of my near-death
ets until they pop inside his mouth. I experience in Swimming) turn out
will observe another youngster con- to be boring affairs. First Aid ends
sume 35 iced slushies in seven days, up feeling a bit like a video game as

rd.com | 10•2018 | 83
SCOUT’S HONOR

kids keep asking how to medically a big cliff. That’s how they learn.”
treat fantasy: “So what do you do if Kids also learn through failure at
someone gets stabbed in the eye with this camp. One out-of-shape young-
a sword?” Then, after a succession of ster had been eagerly anticipating
instructors in Orienteering, most of learning to kayak. But he was a tight
us are, ironically, totally lost. fit, and after capsizing in the lake, he
The event I had been anticipating had to swim his boat to shore because
most—the postlunch “siesta”—turns he couldn’t climb back in. At home, he
out to be the busiest time at our might have been coddled, but out here
campsite. Kids are cleaning latrines, he had to deal.
building fires, and hitting things with I start to realize that what’s awful
a large ax to screams of “Break it!” about camp is also what’s great about
It’s refreshing to see it: You’re not insulated
boys being encouraged from nature as most
to be boys. Everyone is Sitting around kids and adults are
running around with a campfire these days. You’re part
knives or spears, and of it, living in the raw,
not once do I hear any- with 30 kids, as we were meant to be.
one scream, “You’re I realize my Which is memorable.
going to poke your eye Consider: On Mon-
out!” Kids roam over sense of humor day night, severe
the thickly wooded hasn’t matured thunderstorms sweep
1,200-acre property t h ro u g h c a m p a n d
untroubled by ticks
in 40 years. pummel my tent. Rain
or ragweed. Shotguns drips on my forehead;
are blasted, tomahawks thrown, and everything I brought is damp. I lie
arrows fired—all by kids. awake in the middle of the night won-
The Muck Hike is the purest ex- dering why I’m here, both literally and
pression of this freedom to experi- metaphorically.
ence dirt and danger. It’s a mile-long On Wednesday, after the weather
trudge through chest-high sludge. clears, one of our Eagle candidates
Everyone emerges from it like a builds two tree platforms, a monkey
swamp thing. But they all have smiles bridge, and a zip line—in less than
on their filthy faces. In these days of five hours. No nails, just rope lashings.
free-range chickens and cattle, the On Thursday night, we build a camp-
Scouts are raising free-range boys! fire. I sit around it with 30 kids and re-
“If we see a Scout heading toward alize that my sense of humor has not
a cliff, we’ll let him step off,” explains matured one iota in the past 40 years.
one scoutmaster, “as long as it’s not Fart jokes, teacher pranks, and falling

84 | 10•2018 | rd.com
 READER’S DIGEST

over backward in your is the bar exam for

camp chair are just as Eagle Scout can-
gut-busting now as didates. You must
they were when I was conceive, design,
in Scouts. finance, and ulti-
On Friday morn- mately build or ex-
ing, we have pizza— ecute some project
for breakfast! that enhances the
By Friday after- world around you.
noon, the kid who Some kids clean
drank all the slush- up cemeteries or
ies is out of money. b u i l d b e n c h e s at
To feed his sugar churches. But as a
addiction, he re- Bald Eagle candidate,
sorts to accepting I knew mine had to be
dares whereby he much grander. It had
eats fishing bait for to be a project that
cash. He starts by was commensurate
swallowing a mealworm with my life knowl-
for 50 cents, then a night crawler for edge and experience.
a buck, and finally a butterworm The scenes that kept coming back
for $2 (but we make him hold it on his to me involved the boy in the kayak
tongue for 30 seconds). He heads for and those meals in the dining hall. I
the camp’s trading post with a wad of realized I might be able to help these
dough. kids while addressing the national
problem of child obesity in my own

B
EING IN the woods for long small way through Scouting.
periods encourages contem- So I spent 60 hours (the Scouts like
plation. Perhaps one reason when you track things) creating the
guys my age start feeling adrift is plan for a summer-camp competi-
because we have little left to moor tion called Fittest Scout. Points are
ourselves to. We’ve moved around, awarded for making smart nutritional
the kids have grown, and our accom- choices (e.g., having oatmeal for
plishments aren’t as clear-cut as they breakfast instead of a grape slushie)
used to be. I mean, what exactly have and participating in various physical
I built? A garden shed? A 401(k)? My activities. Boys with the most points at
great-granddads would laugh at that. the close of the week earn the title of
That’s why it was important to make Fittest Scout. The unit with the most
my service project meaningful. This combined individual points is the

rd.com | 10•2018 | 85
SCOUT’S HONOR

Fittest Troop. There’s even a Fittest As we sit on logs, the scoutmas-

Scoutmaster category. ter calls me up with the rest of the
I’m proud to say it was a kids to receive my merit badges.
hit. The head of my local Everyone applauds me, the
council even offered to Bald Eagle.
test it at camp in the I miss the next meet-
future. ing because after the
last meeting I’m, well,

A
T THE END grounded. I’m bummed
o f s u m m e r, because the troop is nom-
Troop 1600 inating new patrol lead-
holds a Court of ers. It’s an important step
Honor, where Scouts for the kids, being rec-
are singled out for ognized by their peers.
various achieve- One of the scoutmas-
ments. Parents (and ters calls me the next
wives) are invited, day. “When I asked
a campfire is lit, and for nominations for
snacks are served. This senior patrol leader
Court of Honor falls on last night, one Scout
my 30th wedding an- raised his hand.
n i v e r s a r y . My w i f e i s He wondered if he
expecting big things. I tell could nominate you.”
her to dress warmly and bring Maybe I’m a better
a flashlight. man than I thought.
MEN’S HEALTH (MARCH 18, 2015), COPYRIGHT © 2015 BY MEN’S HEALTH, MENSHEALTH.COM.

“I Do My Best Thinking in the Shower”

Social networking site reddit.com asked its users to share their most
inspired “shower thoughts.” The results are dripping with genius.
QIf you attempt to rob a bank, you won’t have any trouble with
rent/food bills for the next ten years, whether you are successful or not.
-omnipotentpotato-

QMy dog keeps bringing me the same toy. I wonder if that is

his favorite toy, or if he thinks it is my favorite toy.
saad789

86 | 10•2018 | rd.com
 NATIONAL INTEREST

One survivor now wonders whether

abusers like hers deserve the
harsh comeuppance they often get

Sympathy FOR

My Bully
BY GER AL D I NE D E R U I T E R
F ROM TH E WAS H I N GTO N P OST

AS A CHILD, I WAS AN EASY MARK for playground torments:

smart, insufferably rule-abiding, decidedly unpretty. The
tormentor I remember most distinctly was not my first bully,
nor my last, but his attacks would turn others into footnotes.
He was in my class for years. In class photos, his face is
round and almost cherubic, but I remember it contorted
in anger as he spat insults at me, telling me to shut up,

I L LUSTR ATI O N BY SHO U T rd.com | 10•2018 | 89

S Y M P A T H Y F O R M Y B U L LY

flailing his hands against his chest been beaten into submission (liter-
and moaning—an approximation of ally) years earlier. In A Christmas
what he said I sounded like. We were Story, Ralphie finally snaps after
seated next to each other year after years of torment and attacks Farkus,
year, and when I finally complained who is left tearful and bleeding. Re-
about this arrangement, one of gina George—the Machiavellian
my teachers said that maybe I’d be queen bee in Mean Girls—eventually
“a good influence on him.” relinquishes her bullying crown, but
It didn’t work. His only after she’s publicly
mom was also my soft- shamed twice and flat-
ball coach, driving me tened by a bus.
to and from practice I TOLD Even today, the Inter-
when my single mother MYSELF THAT net is rife with stories
could not. Sitting in
ONE DAY I’D BE of bullies getting their
the back of his moth- comeuppance, from vi-
er’s van after my team
HAPPY AND ral videos of little kids
lost a softball game, he
SUCCESSFUL fighting back to Reddit
snapped, “It smells in AND MY BULLY threads describing jus-
here. Close your legs.” WOULDN’T. tice doled out against
Reflexively, I did as he an antagonizer.
instructed. When his “It’s an age-old story—
mother climbed into the driver’s seat, the idea of bullies getting theirs,” says
oblivious to what had happened, he Meghan Leahy, a licensed school coun-
was still doubled over with laughter. selor and parenting coach. “It’s a very
I was ten. human part of us that likes revenge.”
That seems only fair, right? After all,

W HEN I WOULD return home the bullies are the bad guys. According
after one of my bully’s taunts, to a 2014 study that gathered data from
tearful and broken down, I’d comfort more than 234,000 teenagers and chil-
myself with the idea that one day I dren, victims of bullying are more than
would be happy and successful and twice as likely to contemplate killing
my bully would not. I internalized themselves as their nonbullied peers.
the bromide used to soothe all bul- Other studies have shown that people
lied children of my generation—the who are bullied are more likely to ex-
universe would mete out some sort perience low self-esteem and anxiety,
of karmic justice. more inclined to abuse alcohol and
This idea is everywhere: Bully Biff drugs, and more likely to suffer from
Tannen waxes George McFly’s car at a host of physical ailments, such as
the end of Back to the Future, having headaches and sleep disturbances.

90 | 10•2018 | rd.com
 READER’S DIGEST

D URING THE PERIOD when I was

being bullied, my mother was
dealing with her own abuse at the
its promised end, to relish all the ways
my life was better than his. In 2010, af-
ter years of finding nothing, I learned
hands of a man with whom she’d been from a friend that my bully had been
romantically involved for several murdered in his home, not far from
years. He fluctuated between charm- where we grew up. Consumed by the
ing and volatile. He would yell, throw story, I pored over every news article
furniture and other objects, punch I could find. He had been dealing
holes in the walls of our home, and pot and was killed in a robbery gone
tear doors off their hinges. wrong. One of the murderers had
At the time, I’d never seen my been his childhood friend.
mother ’s boyfriend hit her, but I read that he had anticipated an
my bully, who lived nearby, had seen attack. His friends said he was so
him pull my mother from her vehicle terrified in the weeks leading up to
and throw her to the ground. The his murder that he’d slept with a
next day at school, my bully told hammer under his pillow. I was
everyone within earshot the story. He haunted by what I imagined his final
laughed through his impersonation moments were like, by how scared he
of her lying on the ground whimper- must have been. I cried for the boy
ing. Until that moment, I’d believed who had made me so miserable.
my mother when she told me that her
bruised face was a result of “walking
into a door.” N OW I HAD TO WONDER: What
kind of fate would I have consid-
ered sufficient retribution? Would I

A S THE YEARS passed, those prom-

ises of karmic justice given to me
in childhood came true. I went to col-
have been satisfied if he had become
merely unsuccessful or unhappy?
What sentence are we comfortable
lege on a full ride. I graduated with bestowing upon a fifth grader for his
honors and became a professional crimes? What’s the statute of limita-
writer. My mother finally extricated tions for revenge?
herself from her abusive relationship. I wanted my bully’s life to turn out
Determined not to follow in her foot- rotten, but when it actually happened,
steps, I sought out soft-spoken men it didn’t feel like justice had been
who never yelled. I met and mar- served. It felt like I’d simply watched a
ried someone wonderful. Everything building collapse in slow motion. The
turned out better than I could have cracks in the foundation had started
dared hope. long ago.
I occasionally searched for my bully In the past few years, our culture
online, determined to see my story to has started to see bullying as a serious

rd.com | 10•2018 | 91
S Y M P A T H Y F O R M Y B U L LY

problem, one whose victims need I never could have imagined feeling
help, support, and protection. But if empathy for the boy who made my
right-thinking people want to care life hell, or for any bully.
about bullying as a social problem, My bully ridiculed me for having
we need to see some a mother who was a
nuance. Look at every victim of domestic vio-
bully and his or her vic- lence. He was dead at
tim and you’ll often find
LOOK AT EVERY 25. I think of his anger,
two kids who need help, his struggles in school,
not just one.
BULLY AND HIS his unhinged rage, all
As they grow up, bul-
OR HER VICTIM at the tender age of 11.
lies tend to have trouble AND YOU’LL I look at the narrative
keeping jobs, often have OFTEN FIND we are so often told as
problems with alcohol TWO KIDS WHO children—that our lives
and drugs, and are more NEED HELP, will be wonderful and
likely to have criminal NOT JUST ONE. our bullies’ lives will
records. A large num- not—and I see the er-
ber of bullies are also ror in thinking that a
victims of bullying. troubled child somehow deserves a
The idea that bullies themselves terrible fate.
might be more than one-dimensional “Ignore him, and he’ll go away,”
villains is hard to swallow, especially adults told me. In the end, they were
for those of us who’ve dealt with them. right.
WASHINGTON POST (FEBRUARY 22, 2018), COPYRIGHT © 2018 BY WASHINGTON POST, WASHINGTONPOST.COM.

When News Anchors Get a Case of the Puns

BREAKING NEWS: Scientists have discovered what may be the world’s
largest bedsheet. More on that as it unfolds.
@imsofrancis

BREAKING NEWS: Overworked janitor sweeps the nation.

@kylemuzyka

BREAKING NEWS: My corduroy pillow has been

making headlines all week.
@skullcat

92 | 10•2018 | rd.com
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 Laugh Lines
SCARED SILLY

Tell the barista

your name is
Beetlejuice and
The only way quietly walk out.
I’d be scared of @SLIMMY_SHADY

a ghost is if one
was coming
at me wearing
a fitted sheet
that I thought
I’d have to fold.
@PLOCKWOOD65 “I’m not really a big dog person.”
—lying werewolf
@PATBRENCLASSIC

What do you call a group

of really tidy witches?
A self-cleaning coven. I hate when boxing
@RHEABUTCHER announcers say a
boxer is “down for the
count.” I don’t care
that he loves Dracula.
Every time someone says “I’m aware,” I just want to know
I always wait a couple seconds in case who’s winning.
they add “wolf.” @THEMILTRON @KIMMYMONTE

94 | 10•2018 | rd.com PH OTOG R APH BY M AT T H E W COH E N

INSPIRATION

96 | 10•2018 | rd.com
 When an accident rendered him
nearly immobile, one man learned
the meaning of true grit.
Against all odds, he became ...

THE MAN
WHO
WILLED
HIMSELF
TO FLY

BY JAC K FI N CHE R
A RE ADE R’S DIGEST CL ASSIC
T H E M A N W H O W I L L E D H I M S E L F T O F LY

AT PATTERSON, A PILOT FOR 25 YE ARS, had never met

Mike Henderson, a quadriplegic, wanted flying lessons.

the instructor most—his fingers were all but inert.

It was impossible, Patterson

thought. Then what stopped him from
saying so? Maybe it was the young 22
man’s obvious determination, his look
of urgent desire.
Something inside the bluff and
blocky flight instructor stirred in re-
sponse. “Perhaps I can teach you,” he never walk again. Al
said. “But under Fed-
eral Aviation Regula-
tions, you have to be “When I saw would return, he was
able to get in and out completely paralyzed
by yourself.” He nod- him go from the chest down
ded toward his single- through that and had little move-
engine trainer. “I’m much pain, ment left in his hands
going to get a cup of and arms.
coffee. If you’re in by I knew nothing L a t e r, a n e u r o -
the time I get back, could stop him.” surgeon bluntly told
we’ll start.” him that he would
Mike Henderson never be able to live
P RE V I O U S S P RE A D: S HU T T E R STO C K (2 )

had gone up for a plane ride three hour to hour without somebody help-
weeks before. Carried aboard and ing him. For reasons he has never
taken aloft, he had thought, Hey, I can quite fathomed, Henderson got angry.
do this. He certainly had the time for “Here was this doctor telling me how
lessons and, with a full disability pen- it was going to be,” he says. “But no one
sion, the money. His first concern was was going to limit my freedom to try.”
whether he had the ability to handle After weeks of physical rehabili-
the controls. He now realized, how- tation, during which, among other
ever, that getting into the aircraft by things, he spent endless hours forc-
himself might be as tough as flying it. ing his fingers to pluck marbles out of

98 | 10•2018 | rd.com
 Mike Henderson preparing to climb into the
cockpit of his Piper Cherokee in Medford, Oregon

he accomplished such feats as build- son watched in disbelief. “He grov-

ing and racing a high-speed dragster eled his way up that wing!” he says.
and floating down the Colorado River “That’s the only word for it. It took
COU RT E SY JE N N I F E R P I C KE R I N G

in an inner tube. him 45 minutes. When I went out, he

But Henderson’s rehabilitation had was sitting in the pilot’s seat, blood
barely prepared him for the challenge from his chewed elbow all over the
of a Piper Cherokee, its humped cabin place. When I saw him go through
and broad, low wing dazzling in the that much pain, I knew nothing could
morning sun. Anchoring his wheel- stop him.”
chair beside the plane, he put one Nothing, perhaps, but a federal
hand on the wing’s trailing edge and, agency empowered to ensure that
with the other hand on the armrest of those who fly are qualified to do so.

rd.com | 10•2018 | 99
T H E M A N W H O W I L L E D H I M S E L F T O F LY

Sure enough, when Patterson sent his wrist cruelly. Henderson fashioned
Henderson for the FAA physical, the a second one from a lightweight alu-
examining physician—a 40-year air minum hospital splint sewn to a glove.
veteran himself—balked. “My God, It worked perfectly.
Pat,” Dr. David Stoddard explained Three weeks and eight flying hours
over the telephone, “he’s got less than after the first lesson, Henderson and
10 percent body movement!” Patterson jubilantly phoned Dr. Stod-
Patterson persisted. If he, Patterson, dard. At the airport, as the physician
vouched for his pupil’s in-flight com- looked on, Henderson briskly wheeled
petence, would the doctor then fly himself around the airplane, doing
with Henderson and a thorough, profes-
see for himself? Dr. sional ground check.
Stoddard agreed. On his first solo With Patterson and Dr.
Now everything was Stoddard on board,
up to instructor and flight, he kept he went through his
student, and together thinking, This preflight instrument
they set about solv- has to be the check. Minutes later,
ing each problem as engine pulsing, the
it surfaced. A scrap of greatest thing plane rolled down the
carpet gave Hender- I’ve ever done. runway and took off
son traction to scale into the gray sky.
the slipper y wing. Pointing the Piper
A headset freed his hands from the Cherokee across the wide, funnel-
radio microphone, and the two men shaped corridor between the Cas-
developed a vertically moving tiller cade and Siskiyou mountain ranges,
bar that enabled Henderson to trans- Henderson deftly put it through tight
fer crucial rudder control from his feet turns and stalls as Patterson, grinning
to his right arm and hand. at their astonished passenger, held up
Patterson was pleased to see that his hands to show that he, too, was
Henderson’s fingers exhibited an just along for the ride. After they had
increasing dexterity; but, as he had landed, Dr. Stoddard told Henderson
feared, they lacked the strength to hold to get a new evaluation from his neu-
back the control column in high winds rologist and agreed to give him the
or when landing and taking off. Hen- standard flight physical. Dr. Stoddard
derson had an idea. Why not a metal was hopeful that they would get the
hook attached to his wrist, one easily FAA to issue a Statement of Demon-
engaged or disengaged as needed? He strated Ability.
could make it in his shop at home. The It took several phone calls to the
first model, a heavy steel bracelet, bit FAA ’s Aeromedical Certification

100 | 10•2018 | rd.com

 READER’S DIGEST

Branch, but Dr. Stoddard succeeded. ever to get both his instrument rating
An FAA flight inspector gave Hen- and his commercial pilot’s license.
derson a medical checkout ride and He began to tease airline pilots: “One
approved him for solo flight. On No- of these days I’ll announce over the
vember 14, 1976, Henderson taxied loudspeaker, ‘Ladies and gentlemen,
the plane to a halt following his this is your captain speaking. We’ll be
20th hour in the air. Patterson hopped taking off as soon as my wheelchair is
out and shouted back at him, “Make aboard.’”
two landings and takeoffs, and I’ll see “What sets Mike Henderson apart is
you back at the office.” his will,” says Dr. Stoddard. “His ac-
This was it: solo time. With just his complishment is truly outstanding,
right hand, Henderson pushed in the almost unbelievable.” As he became
throttle, released the hand brake, and, more proficient, Henderson sought
steering the rudder with his tiller bar, out other instructors. Patterson said
taxied out to the runway. Minutes some of them didn’t fully understand
later, he was in the air. what motivation was. He always told
Aloft, Henderson experienced a them, “Go take a ride with Mike—then
thrill unlike any he had ever before you’ll know.”
felt. He was a thousand feet in the
sky—and all alone! He kept thinking, This story originally appeared in the April
1982 issue of Reader’s Digest.
This just has to be the greatest thing
I’ve ever done. X X X
Patterson was waiting on the
ground. “How was it?” he asked. EDITOR’S NOTE: Though he contin-
“Absolutely fantastic,” Henderson ued to fly throughout his life, Mike
replied, thinking: It’s a time in your Henderson ultimately became a
life you really take total responsibil- social worker specializing in counsel-
ity for what’s going to happen to you. ing veterans. He died of natural
And I could do it! causes in 2014.
In succeeding months, with the Pat Patterson died in 1979, when
help of Dr. Stoddard, Mike Hender- the plane he was piloting went down
son became the first quadriplegic at sea.

Moo-ving Up
Just got a job as senior director at
Old McDonald’s Farm ... I’m the CIEIO.
deepfriedtwix on reddit.com

rd.com | 10•2018 | 101

WHO KNEW?

Most of us have an irrational fear

or habit. Famous folks often seem
to go one step further.

VERY
Superstitious I L LU ST R AT I O N S A N D T E X T
BY EL L E N WE I N ST E I N
F ROM TH E BO O K
RE C I PE S FOR GO O D LUCK

Benjamin Franklin
AN ODD MORNING RITUAL
Author, inventor, diplomat, and scientist Benjamin Franklin (1706–1790)
swore by air baths. Before he started his workday, Franklin would sit without
any clothes on for up to an hour in front of an open window on the first
floor of his building. He wrote that the shock of cold water was too violent
for him and it was more agreeable for him to bathe in cold air. Franklin
would either read or write during his “bath.”

102 | 10•2018 | rd.com

 READER’S DIGEST

John Wayne John Steinbeck

A TEN-GALLON PHOBIA THE RIGHT WAY TO WRITE
Although John Wayne (1907–1979) John Steinbeck (1902–1968) wrote
often wore a hat on his head in the first drafts of The Grapes of
his films, his temper would flare Wrath, East of Eden, Of Mice and
if anyone left a hat on top of a bed. Men, and most every other one
According to his daughter, Wayne of his books the same way—by
was deeply superstitious and hand and in pencil. And he was
subscribed to the not-uncommon very particular about his pencils,
fear that a hat on a bed was a requiring perfectly sharpened
harbinger of bad luck. Blackwing 602s.

Diane von Furstenberg

TREASURE FROM DAD
Fashion designer and icon Diane von Furstenberg (1946– ) tapes a gold 20-franc
coin in her shoe for good luck before every runway show. Her father hid the
coin in his shoe during World War II and gave it to her when she was a girl.

rd.com | 10•2018 | 105

VERY SUPERSTITIOUS

Michael Jordan Lucille Ball

UNIFORM REDESIGNER FEATHERED FOE
Michael Jordan (1963– ) reportedly On the day that three-year-old
began the trendsetting change Lucille Ball’s father died, a bird flew
from mid-thigh basketball shorts into her home and became trapped.
to longer ones as a way of covering Traumatized by the events, she
up a pair of University of North developed a lifelong avian aver-
Carolina shorts, which he wore sion. The actor (1911–1989) even
for good luck under his Chicago refused to stay in hotels that had
Bulls uniform. pictures of birds on the walls.

Charles Dickens
DREAM CATCHER
Author Charles Dickens (1812–1870) carried a navigational compass
with him at all times and always faced north when he slept. He believed
it improved his creativity and writing.

106 | 10•2018 | rd.com

VERY SUPERSTITIOUS

Gustav Mahler
BEWARE NUMBER NINE
Composer Gustav
Mahler (1860–1911)
thought he could cheat
death by not naming
his ninth symphony
by number. This was
because several
composers, including
Beethoven and Schubert,
had died after complet-
ing their ninth sympho-
nies. So Mahler called
his ninth The Song of the
Earth—and it worked,
in a sense. He lived long
enough to write most
of his tenth symphony,
though he died before it
was performed.

EXCERPTED FROM THE BOOK RECIPES FOR GOOD LUCK: THE SUPERSTITIONS, RITUALS,
AND PRACTICES OF EXTRAORDINARY PEOPLE BY ELLEN WEINSTEIN, PUBLISHED BY CHRONICLE BOOKS 2018.

108 | 10•2018 | rd.com

PSYCHOLOGY

How to Conquer

Inexplicable feelings of mortal terror strike

6 million Americans. Here is one woman’s
journey back to reassurance.
BY B O NNI E MU N DAY

110 | 10•2018 | rd.com PH OTOG R APH S BY NIC K WONG

H O W T O C O N Q U E R PA N I C AT TA C K S

T’S SIX O’CLOCK ON A SEPTEMBER evening in 2001, and I’m

driving our minivan on a Toronto highway, heading to dinner
at my parents’ house. My husband is in Bermuda, where he has
landed a two-year contract; he’s looking for an apartment so I
can join him. Now it’s just me and my little black poodle,
making the half-hour drive I’ve made hundreds of times.

The news is on the radio—top I’d take the bus when I went some-
story, the recent 9/11 terrorist attack. where on my own. I did this often over
It seems I can’t get away from the the first couple of months, but one
shocking stories and images. As I ap- day as I rode the bus into town to do
proach a bridge, my heart suddenly some Christmas shopping, my heart
starts beating rapidly. Then my legs started racing. Sure enough, next
turn to jelly. came the sweating, my legs turning to
You’re going to drive off the bridge, a jelly, and the feeling that somehow I’d
voice in my head warns. Now my arms lose control or “go crazy.”
are numb. You’re about to I hadn’t reached my
lose control and die. I’m Terrified, I grip destination, but I rang
terrified. My hands grip the bell to exit and, in
the wheel; I just want to the wheel. tears, walked home,
make it over the bridge I make it over where I felt safer. A few
and to an exit. I do; then days later, I tried the
a bridge,
I pull into a parking lot bus again, and the same
and start to cry. What is then pull into thing happened. The
happening to me? a parking lot thing that had forced me
to avoid highway driving
I TRIED DRIVING on the and cry. was now forcing me to
highway a week later— avoid public transit.
and again, panic drove me to the first It was time to come clean. That
exit. After that, I took only smaller, evening, I told my husband what had
slower roads. Weeks later, I moved been going on. He was sympathetic; I
to Bermuda, where we did not have shouldn’t have kept it bottled up, be-
a car. I was so relieved. I hadn’t told cause it felt good to let it out. But he
my husband about the episodes; I was as mystified as I was. We searched
knew he loved my independence and online for “fear of highways” and “fear
strength, and I felt ashamed of being of public transportation” and got lots
so weak. of hits, which is when we learned that
To get around, we had a motor the episodes were actually classic
scooter that I rode on the back of, or panic attacks.

112 | 10•2018 | rd.com

 READER’S DIGEST

UNLIKE FEAR, which is

a reaction to an actual
threat, panic is intense
fear in the absence of real
danger. Sufferers often re-
port recent stresses, such
as getting married or di-
vorced, changing jobs, or
financial or health prob-
lems. For me, the stressor
was my upcoming move.
Plus, I’d not been sleeping
well. Sleeping poorly can
make us more sensitive
to anxiety-related events,
Bonnie Munday above one of the Toronto highways
such as rapid heartbeat; where she experienced—and conquered—her attacks
panic attacks occur when
the brain identifies those events as IT WAS TIME to tackle this; I wasn’t
signals of extreme peril. about to let something in my mind
“Humans are hardwired to sur- terrorize my life without trying to fight
vive,” explains Eilenna Denisoff, a back. I’d read that it helped to talk
clinical psychologist and director about it. So when I was back in Toronto
of CBT Associates in Toronto. “The for a visit, I told my best friend and her
fight-or-flight response allows us to husband about the panic attacks.
run faster, jump higher, if we’re be- Lindsay looked at Todd with wide
ing chased. Physiologically, then, the eyes, then said to me, “Todd went
brain’s reaction to the rapid heartbeat through that a few years ago!”
‘danger signal’ is to move blood from When Todd was 28, he’d just taken
the limbs to protect the core.” (This over the family business and was
explains the feeling of limbs turning feeling very stressed. One evening
to jelly.) The person isn’t actually in when he was at a restaurant, his heart
danger, but the brain misreads the started pounding fast; he thought he
signs as indicating a need to flee. was having a heart attack and went to
Because the symptoms make you his doctor.
feel like you’ll die, the first attack can The doctor said, “It sounds like you
lead to panic disorder, says Denisoff. had a panic attack.” He referred Todd
“Your brain looks for situations when to a psychiatrist, who gave him a pre-
you should be fearful or feel trapped.” scription for Ativan, an antianxiety
You begin to fear the fear. drug taken when panic symptoms

rd.com | 10•2018 | 113

H O W T O C O N Q U E R PA N I C AT TA C K S

start. Todd took the medication and wanted to go on weekends, I would

avoided restaurants, but then a panic need to drive. Finally, it was time to
attack hit when he was in an airport find a psychologist.
lounge.
He learned relaxation techniques, PANIC DISORDER can be treated with
including deep breathing. Eventually, antidepressants long-term and with
the frequency of the attacks lessened, beta-blockers for immediate relief of
then disappeared, so he stopped the symptoms. But experts recognize cog-
medication. Todd told nitive behavioral therapy,
me, “The drug was key, I took a deep or CBT, as the best treat-
and reading up on panic ment. It resolves anxiety
attacks really helped.” breath and by changing the under-
He gave me his copy of grabbed the lying beliefs that tell you
Living with Fear : Un- the panicky feeling is it-
derstanding and Coping
keys. My heart self dangerous.
with Anxiety by Dr. Isaac pounded as In my first therapy
M. Marks. I got on the s e s s i o n , I p ra c t i c e d
deep breathing—a long,
BACK IN BERMUDA, I highway. slow inhale through the
dared to get back on the nose, a long, slow exhale
bus—with the book in my handbag. through the mouth. “This will be your
When my heart started racing a few tool to calm yourself when you feel
minutes into the journey, I opened panicky,” the psychologist explained.
the book to the dog-eared pages ad- A week later, we started imaginal
vising that panic wouldn’t kill me. therapy, a form of exposure therapy.
That really did calm me. The doctor asked me to imagine driv-
For the next two years, I kept panic ing the least scary highway route near
at bay this way. Even after we moved my home, rating my anxiety level from
back to Canada, the land of highways, one to ten with each step.
I treated myself not with therapy “One,” I said, mentally backing out
or medication but by altering my of the driveway, then “two” as I turned
behavior. onto the next street.
For nine years after moving home, It jumped to eight when I reached
I relied on my husband to do all the the road leading to the on-ramp. My
highway driving. Then we bought a heart was pounding; I was starting to
cabin. My husband would fix it up for sweat. “Do your breathing,” she said.
weeks at a time while I worked in the She asked whether I’d ever kept
city. The house was three hours away something in my purse for when I felt
and it wasn’t on a bus route, so if I unwell. In fact, I had peppermint gum

114 | 10•2018 | rd.com

 READER’S DIGEST
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Now the moment of truth : In Frequent nighttime trips to
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leaks and the inconvenience
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for years, I struggled with
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 WHO KNEW

13 Ways Your
Cell Phone Affects Your
Body and Mind
BY MI C HE L LE CRO U CH

1 First, some good news. Your

phone can keep you safer. A
study in the Journal of Emergency
saved per 100,000 patients when
people called 911 from a mobile
phone rather than from a landline.
Medicine that analyzed emergency
dispatches over an 11-year period
revealed that 137 more lives were 2 But there are plenty of concerns
too. Scanning your phone right

116 | 10•2018 | rd.com ILLU ST R AT ION BY S E R G E B LOC H

before bed can disturb your slumber.
The short-wavelength, bright blue
light your device emits boosts your
6 Most cell phones are crawling
with germs—ten times what you
would find on most toilets, says
attention during the day, but at night University of Arizona microbiologist
the light can inhibit the production Charles Gerba. Wipe your phone
of melatonin, which helps you fall down daily with a gadget-friendly
asleep. To avoid that, make a habit of antibacterial wipe or a microfiber
not using your phone for at least cloth.
30 minutes before you close your eyes.

3 When you are awake, a single

buzz, buzz signaling a new
7 That said, your phone can help
you be healthier. In a study of
overweight volunteers, those who
notification on your phone can used a smartphone app to record
weaken your ability to focus on a their food intake were much more
task, researchers at Florida State diligent than those who used a
University have found. Switch your paper diary or a weight-loss
phone to “do not disturb” mode to website—and they lost almost
remove the distraction. twice as much weight.

4 Putting your phone aside when

you’re alone—rather than tak-
ing it out to play games—can help
8 Radiation exposure, long thought
to be a risk for heavy-duty phone
users, is probably not a significant
inspire creative ideas. “When you’re concern. Smartphones do emit radi-
bored, four different areas of your ation, but most scientific evidence
brain activate and work together has not linked the use of a cell phone
to pull in random thoughts and to cancer. One draft study found that
combine them in unique ways,” says exposing male lab rats to the highest
psychologist Larry Rosen, author of levels allowed for cell phones was
The Distracted Mind. linked to one type of rare tumor in
the tissues surrounding nerves in the

5 Americans now spend more

than five hours a day swiping,
typing, and tapping—and feeling
heart. If you’re worried, use earbuds
or a headset when you talk on your
phone.
achy because of it all. “Selfie elbow”
is a strain injury caused by holding
your elbow at an extreme angle, and
85,000 people a month search for
9 Navigating by consulting a
map and trying to remember it
may be better for your brain than
“texting thumb” and similar terms passively relying on step-by-step
on Google. instructions from your phone’s GPS.

rd.com | 10•2018 | 117

1 3 W AY S Y O U R C E L L P H O N E A F F E C T S Y O U R B O D Y A N D M I N D

Researchers found that older adults and there are studies that underline
who chose the more active approach the point. City pedestrians using
increased activity in the hippo- their phones looked left and right
campus, a part of the brain impor- less often and were more likely
tant for memory. to be hit by a vehicle, according
to a review of studies on distracted

10 Snapping a pic with your

smartphone may also hinder
your memory. On a test after a visit
walking in the Journal of Traffic
and Transportation Engineering.
In another small experiment,
to an art museum, students were 94 percent of pedestrians who were
less likely to remember objects they using cell phones to talk and text
had taken photos of. “As soon as you didn’t see free cash hanging from
hit ‘click’ on that camera, it’s as if a tree. (That’s right, they walked
you’ve outsourced your memory,” right by a bunch of dollar bills.)
says psychologist Linda Henkel.

11 Your phone can do a number

on your eyes. About 60 percent
13 It would be easy to avoid
all these maladies by simply
putting down your phone. The
of Americans experience digital problem: It isn’t so easy. That
eye strain symptoms, such as dry- twinge of phone separation anxiety
ness, irritation, blurred vision, eye is real. In fact, Rosen says, detaching
fatigue, and headaches. Try blinking from your phone can cause your
often, increasing font size, and brain to release the stress hormone
taking a break from screens every cortisol. Of course, there are many
20 minutes. phone apps (with calming names,
such as Forest and Mute) to help

12 We all know that walking

around town with your face
in your phone can be dangerous,
you control your phone addiction.
Or you can just let the battery run
down and forget about it!

Good Evening, Officer

In college, a friend set me up on a blind date. I wasn’t in
a great mood, because I had received a traffic ticket a few hours
before. My day got worse when my blind date turned
out to be the cop who’d given me the ticket.
@lindachilders1

118 | 10•2018 | rd.com

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WHO KNEW?

Many species die off without a

trace. If humans are to leave
a lasting record, we’ll need to
make sure our DNA survives.

How to
Make It as
A Fossil
BY JO H N P ICK R E L L
F RO M B B C .CO M /F U TU RE

EVERY FOSSIL is a small

miracle. Only an estimated one
bone in a billion gets fossilized—
preserved for thousands, even
millions of years—as Bill Bryson female skeleton Lucy, have been
notes in A Short History of Nearly discovered.
Everything. By that calculation, the If you’re determined to increase the
327-odd million people alive in the chances that your humani corporis
United States today will leave a makes it for all eternity—or if you’re
fossil legacy of only 67 or so bones. just curious to know how the select
That’s a little over a quarter of one few survived—read on.
Y U RI P HOTO L I F E /S H U T T E R STOC K

human skeleton.
According to scientists who ■ GET BURIED, AND QUICKLY
specialize in taphonomy (the study “To be preserved for millions of
of what happens after an organism years, you must survive the first
dies), fossilization is so unlikely that hours, days, seasons, decades, centu-
fewer than one tenth of one percent ries, and thousands of years,” says
of all animal species have ever Susan Kidwell, a professor of geology
survived in a fossilized state. Only at the University of Chicago. You
a handful, such as the well-known don’t want your remains to be eaten

120 | 10•2018 | rd.com

 and scattered by scavengers, shallower, or the Dead Sea, where
for example, or exposed to the the salt would essentially pickle you.
elements for too long.
Sometimes natural disasters ■ AVOID SHIFTING GROUND
can help, such as floods that If you make it through the first
dump huge amounts of sedi- few hundred thousand years, con-
ment or volcanic eruptions gratulations! But your fossilization
that smother things in mud is not a done deal yet. Your fossil
and ash. For example, drought might still shift to such depths that
followed by flooding helped it could be melted by the earth’s
preserve dinosaur bones. heat and pressure. Don’t want that
to happen? Steer clear of the edges
■ SKIP THE COFFIN of tectonic plates, where the crust
You want minerals to seep into will eventually get sucked under
your bones and essentially turn the surface.
them to stone. This process, known
as permineralization, can take ■ OR GO ROGUE
millions of years but happens most Alternatively, you could preserve
rapidly when mineral-rich water yourself in amber. Some astounding
imbues bones with things such as fossils are perfectly saved in this
iron and calcium. A coffin might gemstone made of tree resin; recent
keep the skeleton nicely together, discoveries include birds, lizards,
but it would interfere with this a baby snake, and a feathered
process. dinosaur tail in Myanmar. You could
also be preserved in nature’s brand
■ FIND SOME WATER of asphalt, like the saber-toothed
If you die in a dry environment, cats and mammoths at the La Brea
once you’ve been picked over by Tar Pits in Los Angeles, or frozen
scavengers, your bones will proba- in a glacier. If you were to make
bly weather away. Better to get your final resting place in a cave,
swiftly covered in sand, mud, and you would eventually become a
sediment. The best places for that mummy. If that’s your goal, pack
are lakes, floodplains, and rivers, or your personal time capsule with
the bottom of the sea. Caitlin Syme, items made from materials that
a taphonomist at the University of don’t biodegrade, such as glass and
Queensland in Brisbane, Australia, some rare metals. Or just pack your
recommends the Mediterranean, cell phone, which is made from both
because it’s progressively getting of the above.
BBC FUTURE (FEBRUARY 15, 2018), COPYRIGHT © 2018 BY BBC, BBC.COM/FUTURE.

rd.com | 10•2018 | 121

 IT PAYS TO INCREASE YOUR

Word Power
From aria to zucchini, Italian words add beauty and flavor to
everyday English. Celebrate Italian American Heritage and
Culture Month with these words with Italian roots, and then take
a gondola ride to the next page for answers.
BY E M I LY COX AND HE N RY RAT HVO N

1. fiasco (fee-'a-skoh) n.—A: rowdy 9. sotto voce ('sah-toh 'voh-chee)

celebration. B: complete failure. adv.—A: under one’s breath.
C: big fire. B: drunkenly. C: in the open.
2. al dente (all-'den-tay) adj.— 10. bravura (bruh-'vyur-ah) n.—
A: seasoned with salt. B: eaten A: encore. B: battle cry. C: display
outdoors. C: cooked until firm. of brilliance.
3. incognito (in-kog-'nee-toh) 11. amoretto (a-muh-'reh-toh) n.—
adv.—A: well traveled. B: excessively A: hazelnut flavoring. B: cherub.
complex. C: with a concealed C: waistcoat.
identity. 12. forte ('for-tay) adj.—
4. vendetta (ven-'deh-tuh) n.— A: loud. B: masculine. C: built on
A: layered cake. B: blood feud. a hill.
C: sales booth. 13. bruschetta (broo-'sheh-tuh)
5. patina (puh-'tee-nuh) n.— n.—A: grilled bread appetizer.
A: high priest. B: lawn bowling. B: thumbnail sketch.
C: sheen produced by age. C: short story.
6. dilettante ('dih-luh-tahnt) n.— 14. campanile (kam-puh-'nee-lee)
A: coffee cup. B: dabbler. n.—A: bell tower. B: army troop.
C: secret note. C: best friend.
7. belvedere ('bel-vuh-deer) n.— 15. brio ('bree-oh) n.—A: cold spell.
A: head butler. B: set of chimes. B: donkey. C: gusto.
C: structure with a view.
8. cameo ('ka-mee-oh) n.—
 To play an interactive version of
A: small role. B: almond cookie. Word Power on your iPad, download the
C: sofa bed. Reader’s Digest app.

rd.com | 10•2018 | 123

WORD POWER

Answers
1. fiasco—[B] complete failure. 9. sotto voce—[A] under one’s
Though its premiere was a fiasco, breath. “I always speak sotto voce,”
the Broadway musical became the whispered Sophia, “to make sure
smash of the season. people are listening.”
2. al dente—[C] cooked until firm. 10. bravura—[C] display of bril-
I like my noodles al dente, but these liance. The defense lawyer delivered
are practically raw! the closing argument with bravura.
3. incognito—[C] with a concealed 11. amoretto—[B] cherub. Why
identity. The spy traveled incognito, don’t you paint a little amoretto
using an assumed name. above the kissing couple?
4. vendetta—[B] blood feud. 12. forte—[A] loud. In my opinion,
Romeo and Juliet’s love affair was a trombone serenade is too forte to
doomed by their families’ vendetta. be romantic.
5. patina—[C] sheen produced by 13. bruschetta—[A] grilled bread
age. “You can tell this writing desk is appetizer. You can’t order the
an antique by its beautiful patina,” bruschetta and the garlic knots;
Marco explained. you’re supposed to be watching
your carbs!
6. dilettante—[B] dabbler. The
maestro seeks a professional singer, 14. campanile—[A] bell tower.
not some weekend dilettante. The village’s picturesque campanile
has been
7. belvedere—
standing since
[C] structure with NAME THAT NOODLE medieval times.
a view. From the
Can you tell rigatoni from bucatini?
domed belvedere, You could if you knew that a noodle’s 15. brio—[C]
we could watch name often tells you its shape— gusto. After
Mount Etna when you go back to its Italian- just one sip
erupting. language roots. Rigatoni, from riga, of Chianti,
or “line,” has grooves; bucatini, I feel my brio
8. cameo—[A]
from buca, or “hole,” is hollow. Other returning.
small role.
varieties include bow-tie-shaped far-
Francesca blew
falle (farfalla, “butterfly”), pointed VOCABULARY
her audition for penne (penna, “quill”), spiraled RATINGS
the lead, but she fusilli (fuso, “spindle”), and long, 9 & below: soloist
has a cameo as thin spaghetti (spago, “string”). 10–12: diva
a taxi driver. 13–15: virtuoso

124 | 10•2018 | rd.com

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 Humor in Uniform

JAC K ZI E GL E R/ T H E N E W YO RK E R COL L E CT IO N/ © COND É NAST

OUR BOATSWAIN’S MATE was a AT CAMP LEJEUNE, there was an
smoker who would toss his matches officer who was loathed. One day,
overboard. Then one day, he sur- I called the training center and a guy
prised us all when he popped a ciga- with the same last name as him
rette in his mouth and produced an answered.
expensive lighter from his pocket. “That’s a unique name,” I said. “Do
With great fanfare, he flipped open you have a relative in the Marines?”
the top, flicked the spark wheel, lit his “Yes,” he said. “Lieutenant Colonel
cigarette ... then chucked the lighter [same last name] is my cousin.”
overboard. BOB MCCORD, B o i s e , Id a h o As I tried to think of something
pleasant to say about the colonel, he
Your military anecdote might be worth jumped in. “Don’t worry. I can’t
$$$! For details, go to rd.com/submit. stand him either.” Source: notalwaysright.com

126 | 10•2018 | rd.com

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 Quotable Quotes
Helping is easy. I’VE LEARNED SO MUCH FROM
MY MOTHER, STARTING WITH
Being helped THE FACT THAT THE WORLD’S
takes strength. A NICER, HAPPIER PLACE IF
DAV E H O LM E S ,
EVERYBODY HAS A SANDWICH.
writer M E LI S SA M CC A R TH Y, a c t o r

I’VE BEEN IN THE

PROCESS OF RETIRING
FOR THE LAST 30 YEARS.

FROM TOP: DFREE. MATTEO PRANDONI/BFA. KATHY HUTCHINS. ALL SHUTTERSTOCK

JESSICA LANGE , a ct or

THERE’S GREAT EVERY You can’t talk your

KIND OF MUSIC way out of a situation
JUST LIKE THERE’S you behaved your
GREAT EVERY way into.
ANTH O N Y D ’AN G E LO,
KIND OF LIQUOR. national chair of the Public
DAV E M AT TH E WS , m u s i c i a n Relations Societ y of America

If you want to bring people around to your way of thinking,

you need to first show them that you are open to theirs.
J U S TI N TR U D E AU, C a n a d i a n p r i m e m i n i s t e r

Reader’s Digest (ISSN 0034-0375) (USPS 865-820), (CPM Agreement# 40031457), Vol. 192, No. 1144, October 2018. © 2018. Published monthly,
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