1. |
Wet Dream
02:40
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grey
another overcast day
something inside again
opens up and blooms
what use is it?
stray
running away again
fading away again
become a stranger then
disappear
so you've found me
there's nothing i can do
ur spirit still inhabits blood
which one of us began this?
i want to
god i want to
i want to
god i want to
god i want to
i want your embrace
but also to show you
how far gone i have become
wait-
stop-
not yet-
opening my eyes
3 years 5 months 11 days
since demolition of the gateway
that place still lives
in altered states
box-elder blood and semen
will let me return once again
the decision made
though still unaware
the ruined foundations
still fey and iridescent
i'd almost forgotten
the power of those boards
the life we had within those walls
the splinter in my palm
still contains the spores
the key
(dormant)
to the place we once escaped to
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2. |
Skybox
01:12
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what the fuck is happening here?
the truth hanging
so invisible and unclear
something failing
(wait)
breaking into memories of better versions of me
underneath the surface incommunicable wet dream
hiding in the tumor of a frozen identity
never changing waiting for the moment that i stop breathing
there is no structure here
there is no comfort
hold me mommy
fuck it, let's end it
i'll be ur fucking weapon
u heard me i meant it
let's fucking hard reset it
fuck it, let's end it
i'll be ur fucking weapon
u heard me i meant it
let's fucking hard reset it
i'm so fucking sick of trying to be safer than i feel
(wait)
i don't want to dilute
the parts of my soul that i know are real
wait for me at the end of this and we'll move thru
the light
staring at the overcast sky dead skybox
who have i forgotten?
where am i?
something is wrong,
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3. |
Plasmageist
01:17
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living thru
falling thru
nothing and nothing and nothing and nothing
nothing can be done
i know
tearing apart my body to distract myself from all the emptiness
comfort long-dead in the unforgiving halogen
halo generated from the weak exposure
what is this?
breaking down the memories of hollow nostalgia
waiting, staring
thru yellow glass
this ended so long ago
or maybe only changed
where is the heart now?
what is the shape?
slack-jawed in ecstasy in a grey room
no more measuring years
fuck it all
hyper-focus on the bleaker now and here
adderall
stupid fucking useless tears
feeling small
for real - how the fuck did i get here?
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4. |
9 Moon Damage
01:56
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this is the dream that fades away when you need it most
there is another way out of-
this is the envy, the unfamiliar smile
infantile, infinite style
look away but you will never see this paradise again
waking from the dream you swear there was another way out
you think somewhere else will save you?
wake up screaming
this door is closed to you
confused, reeling
haunted by glimpses of comfort
where is the exit?
where is anything? i remember so clear-
this is the dream you forget until you're dying
the faggots live REM between the wires
the tainted semen of god flows in our filthy veins
another way
no other way out
this is the dream you forget, fading slo-mo
the faggots live REM, we eat the old souls
the neon semen of god flows thru our socials
a warning
a sign from heaven,
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5. |
Blood Semen Box-Elder
03:52
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the splinter from the bannister that first day
noticing the colors of each other's minds,
we decided on caution
slowly, carefully
knowing ourselves was hard enough
quiet children nervous in each other's presence
hesitantly testing the membrane for weakness
and slowly we became a world
and another
that first time crossing over
hand in hand, shivering
we had found somewhere new
just for us
and from that day on we became
something more beautiful
more than what we were or had ever been
red-gold eyes unspoken
now truer than the dreams we had shared in life
and would share in death
thru the veil untouched
we existed free
held together by what was given from
that beautiful otherworld
wait
no one must know
hold
this is ours alone
no one must know
this secret world must live forever
we will protect it
always chasing home in the olden life i have abandoned
finally i'm free of it
as we carve our names into the stone
there's no return
there is no help
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6. |
Portal Zero
03:18
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older sister, please don't think ill of me
or the things i've done
i will always live in the wreckage that we would look upon
understand i've found the pieces there
older sister, please don't be frightened
when the sky turns red
i will always dream of the windows
portals to the dead world
in the basement i could see your stare
i will make sure that no one will understand
what really happened within these walls
only knowledge that it's possible
this world does not deserve to know more
that day in your arms a portal formed
at last - i had never dared to hope
gently - your lips softer than i'd dreamed
all the pictures my inexperienced hands had drawn
flitting like leaves thru my mind
held
(long-lost transfusion)
still a child
(i summon you)
faraway
(our ritual)
long ago
(complete at last)
into pleasure
(god cum)
into death
(poltergiest)
who am i?
(goodbye)
wait-
not yet-
i've finally found you.
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7. |
Real Home
01:15
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that first time walking into home, real home
i dare to dream for a moment
in these walls there is something like hopefulness
after a lifetime hoping it existed somewhere
please, i want to belong here
god i want to belong here
the ache of clarity
i want to feel this every morning
is this what they call home?
dead on my back on the floor of ur room
please don't make me go back
magnetic, unbearable
now home has changed shape
a new beginning
a chance at something more
comfort, quiet
but that was home first
real home
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8. |
||||
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an apartment complex displaces all our new beginnings
from when we decided to build something new
like a dream
together
(wait-)
but i know mycelium still lives underneath
dead flat grey beautiful wound
torn open from the inside
our home improvised but that other place exists still
still
sick, free
waiting for the past/distant/now
parameters repeat
home
chasing down
dull passive safety
(wait-)
like running in a dream: no purchase
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9. |
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will the pieces ever reconfigure?
will the picture ever seem any bigger than the distance
ecstasy
losing it
scared to be back in it
still falling
observable
untouchable
but still nothing coheres
dream, so desperate
another comedown
dreams so bright in the shadow of wreckage overhead
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10. |
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stupid and alive in the maelstrom
six years of drowning
electricity flows thru city runoff as the cells reconfigure
living rooms abandoned
detritus in the corner of the eye
hopefulness like cancer blooming in black light
possible futures hung on the basement wall
too late for death
water in the marrow diluting shaky evidence
of purity as artifice even in moments of un-notice
and all this time i could have been so much more?
your body half-recovered from dead geometry
another me watches far away unaffected
home is the connection
between two artificial intelligences
no heaven, no shell world, no base reality
just god
a hidden access brighter than a smile
a contingency for eviction
the splinter in living flesh
your last recording echoes in pheromones
i'm made to feel this
you're made to infiltrate me
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11. |
Meridian Verge
01:53
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my body, small, held in yours
whisper in my ear so sweetly
i want to be helpless and comforted in ur arms
i feel my identity:
a beam of white light piercing thru this scorched waste
from somewhere gentle
try to embody poor facsimiles built from the toxic rubble
god has touched this place
atoms decay, light moves in damaged waves
in this warmth something greater forms
a true portal
take me far away
together
a different world
hurt forgotten, irrelevant
so soft, motherly and caring
push me deeper
my mind is filled with light
your body around me
i'm losing myself but you still see the truest me
i'm sorry-
i can't stop-
i lock eyes with god
soft
gentle
warm
tears in my eyes as i lose control while you gently stroke my hair and smile
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12. |
Re: Weapon
00:57
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spines, broken glass, razors growing from my skin
i can't see them but i trust you
eyes follow
not hurting anyone
but think of the potential for harm
break off all of your sharp parts
YOU ARE A WEAPON
YOU ARE A FUCKING WEAPON.
be ashamed of everything, weapon
don't ever reveal ur heart, weapon
i'm a weapon...?
if you ever step out of line we'll be there
to make sure that you never will be seen as anything close to human
never will ruin the minds of our innocents
never innocent you were always a weapon
i'm a weapon.
NO-
STOP-
YOU CAN'T-
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13. |
Aging Net Artist
01:28
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the default
the markers in place at the edge of time
somewhere deep inside me there's a home
digging thru intestinal walls
find it, find it
deeper
deeper down
the shape emerges from blood and shit
the fingers of this vessel still work a little bit
deeper, further
deeper, further down
inside
diseased and primal nostalgia blooms
older than memory, conscience, selfhood
i can see it glinting like a diamond in bile
come on,
there's still something down there
there's still something down there
ilu
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14. |
God Cum Poltergeist
03:02
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no one must know.
the day we left
the branching of the haunted present
live regrets accumulating where we left them
what i couldn't forget about those years:
the meridian verge of breaking thru
return to life
another wreckage in the pattern of the weak obsessions
still out of sight
another wet dream in the dead gleam of repression
this moonless night
will be the catalyst for everything a long time coming
death under bright lights
return to nothing
the memory of the poltergeist inside the day
that we first transcended known into the gentleness of hope:
never again alone
you'll never know
this is not for you.
this is not for you to know
encrypted corpse of light beneath the leaves
return to life
another wreckage in the pattern of the weak obsessions
still out of sight
another wet dream in the dead gleam of repression
this moonless night
will be the catalyst for everything a long time coming
death under bright lights
return to nothing
no one must know
no one must know
this is it
this is everything we worked for
that rotting world of light will live again
no one
no one
dead connections can't describe
incestuous, alive
too good to be true
too right
don't bring me back
don't bring me back
mother fucker
DON'T BRING ME BACK
DON'T BRING ME BACK
nobody will ever know what happened here today
screaming, denying, but it doesn't go away
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Ada Rook Toronto, Ontario
im rook from black dresses
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