Talk:Sean Combs/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Bruce Campbell (talk · contribs) 02:45, 29 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I'll be reviewing the article. Bruce Campbell (talk) 02:45, 29 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Early life

There are a few stray lines and sentences throughout the article that could be combined. Combine the last two line of texts in this section, the ones that begin "Combs graduated from the Roman Catholic... " and "Combs said that he was given..." into one so the section instead has two paragraphs.

Career

Same little issue here; combine the part that goes "After dropping out of Howard University..." and "In 1991, Combs promoted an AIDS" as one. Neither is really too specific to need its own paragraph.

1997–1998: "Puff Daddy" and No Way Out

Put reference 22 at the end of the sentence, after "March 9, 1997."

"The album produced five singles. "I'll Be Missing You", a tribute to The Notorious B.I.G." -> The album produced five singles; "I'll Be Missing You", a tribute to The Notorious B.I.G.

Reference "Producer Tom Morello supplied guitar parts and played bass." - couldn't find a source; removed. -- Dianna (talk)

1999–2000: Club New York and Forever

"In April 1999 Combs was charged with assault as a result of an incident with Steve Stoute of Interscope Records. Stoute was the manager for Nas, with whom Combs had filmed a video earlier that year for the song "Hate Me Now". Combs was concerned that the video, which featured a shot of Nas and Combs being crucified, was blasphemous. He asked for the video to be pulled, but after it aired on MTV on April 15, Combs visited Stoute's offices and injured Stoute." = reference this section atleast once more.

2001–2004: "P. Diddy" and The Saga Continues

"A collaboration with David Bowie appeared on the soundtrack to Training Day, and he worked with Britney Spears." = reference this, also mention in what way he worked with Britney Spears.

Combs was a producer of the Training Day soundtrack; I am amending the content and adding a source (Billboard). It looks like he worked informally with Spears when she was having trouble with a drinking problem; I can't find anything career-related, so I will take it out. -- Dianna (talk)

"Acts that got their start this way include Da Band, Danity Kane, Day26, and Donnie Klang." - reference this line please

2005–2009: "Diddy" and Press Play

"The album features guest appearances by Christina Aguilera, Keyshia Cole, Mario Winans (signed to his label), Nas, Will.i.am (of The Black Eyed Peas), Mary J. Blige, Nicole Scherzinger (of the Pussycat Dolls), Jamie Foxx, Fergie, Big Boi (of Outkast), Ciara, Twista, Just Blaze, Pharrell, and Brandy." = Other albums on this article don't go into as much detail on the guest list; only mention the most notable artists on the project.

It's just too much detail; I will summarize. -- Dianna (talk)

Business ventures

Combine the "In 1998, Combs started a clothing line, Sean John..." and "The clothing line was subject to controversy... " parts into one paragraph since they both discuss the same line.

Combine the "Combs responded with..." and "In late 2006..." parts since they both also discuss the controversy

Move reference 84 to the end of the line, after "Bar Refaeli in its advertisements."

Accolades

Reference the MOBO Awards nomination. -- Not done; I can't find a source, so sorry. I will remove the content for now. -- Dianna (talk) 17:47, 29 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

The section doesn't mention his Emmy or Teen Choice Awards, or some of the other awards mentioned at [1] but they're not overly important. -- Not done; perhaps if someone makes a list article in the future, it could be added then. -- Dianna (talk)

The section could potentially be split into its own article per its length, which could be an easy featured list. But it's not relevant to the review.

References

Ref 2 -> it's Forbes, not Forbes magazine. Publisher is Forbes publishing.

Ref 7 -> work is Daily News (New York) and publisher is Mortimer Zuckerman.

Ref 13 -> work is Rolling Stone and publisher is Jann Wenner.

Ref 17 -> it's iTunes, not itunes.apple.com.

Ref 19, 21, 36, 43, 58, 60, 61 & 73 -> work is Billboard and publisher is Prometheus Global Media

Ref 25 -> publisher Amazon

Ref 28 -> It's RIAA, not RIAA.com.

Ref 29 -> work is People, publisher is "Time Inc.. (Time Warner)"

Ref 30 -> Wikilink Entertainment Weekly, publisher is Time

Ref 31 -> work is Los Angeles Times, publisher is Eddy Hartenstein

Etc. A majority of the references aren't done properly, and 98 is dead. If you want I could help with the references myself. If you need a reference of what is wrong with some of the references, take the Watch the Throne article as an example.

Overall the article is really good. If these corrections are all fixed along with the reference problems, the article will be passed. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:14, 29 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I've tweaked the references you've mentioned and some similar ones, and will tidy further. Terima kasih (thank you in Indonesian;), Br'er Rabbit (talk) 10:10, 29 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I'm gonna jump in here for just a second and ask a quick question about the Billboard refs. The publisher for Billboard was Nielsen Business Media, Inc up until 2010. Would articles published before then still list Prometheus Global Media as the publisher? —Torchiest ^talk_edits 13:48, 29 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

The information was actually drawn from the website, not the magazine, if that matters, and if I am looking at it today, would I not use the current owner as publisher? Also, I have hunted for an alternate source for the information from Citation #98 (keys to the city) and couldn't find anything reliable. The material did not archive on the Wayback Machine; something about AP requiring the content to be removed after two weeks. A fansite was the only confirmation I could find. I will remove the material and the citation as there's no way to verify it any more. The other recommended citation work has been completed and is ready for review.

I think I have addressed all the concerns listed above, and am ready for the work to be checked. Thank you so much for taking the time to review the article. -- Dianna (talk) 17:47, 29 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Excellent work on the changes, however, there are still more referencing errors.

I went ahead and took care of them myself since it's just easier to fix them myself than tell you how to fix them, and then have you fix them... and then have to check to make sure they were fixed. Etc.

The lead also needed some work, to much of it was about his nickname and there wasn't a single mention of his actual albums. I went ahead and just quickly added something better fitting.

I think it's now up to GA standards. Passed. Bruce Campbell (talk) 21:25, 29 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, Bruce! A great review that led to some nice improvements to the article. -- Dianna (talk) 22:08, 29 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]