Christine Taylor: Kate Veatch
Photos
Quotes
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Dwight : [as Kate kisses Joyce] I told you she was a lesbian.
Peter La Fleur : Wow. Good call.
Kate Veatch : Hey! I'm not a lesbian.
Peter La Fleur : You're not?
Kate Veatch : No. I'm bisexual.
[kisses Peter]
Dwight : Oh! Snap!
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Kate Veatch : For instance, do you realize you haven't collected any membership fees in 13 months?
Peter La Fleur : Hmmm...
Kate Veatch : I'm curious, is it strictly apathy, or do you really not have a goal in life?
Peter La Fleur : I found that if you have a goal, that you might not reach it. But if you don't have one, then you are never disappointed. And I gotta tell ya... it feels phenomenal.
Kate Veatch : Well I guess that makes sense, in a really sad way.
Peter La Fleur : Sad? You want to know what's sad? Six grown men playing dodgeball.
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Peter La Fleur : You need some help leaving White?
White Goodman : This doesn't concern you, Lafleur.
Peter La Fleur : Not nearly as much as your hair does, that's for sure, but uh, I believe she asked you to leave.
White Goodman : I get it, you caught the scent of a lesser stag in your nostrils. Pity. I'll let you have your little moment, LaFleur, 'cause after this tournament, your gym, your life - and your gal - are gonna be mine. To be continued.
[Reaches up to caress her]
Kate Veatch : [Judo-grabs White Goodman and slams his face into the wall, leaving a streak of makeup] You don't get to touch me, ever!
Peter La Fleur : Okay, Romeo, let me help you up.
White Goodman : Get off of me, don't you touch me! It is over between us, Kate. Nobody makes me bleed my own blood - nobody!
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Casino Worker : [a casino worker and a security guard wheels out a huge treasue chest] Here are your winnings, Mr. La Fleur. Congratuations.
Peter La Fleur : Right on time. I appreciate it. Thanks, guys.
White Goodman : [curious with anger] Winnings? What winnings? What winnings? What is that?
Peter La Fleur : Oh, gosh! I totally forgot to tell you, White. I took the $100,000 bribe you gave me last night and I put on us to win. We were going at fifty to one. Anyone? Top of your head. What's 50 times $100,000?
Owen : $50,000?
Kate Veatch : $5 million! Peter, are you kidding me?
Peter La Fleur : [opens the treasure chest, revealing stacks of cash] Surprise!
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[Kate decapitates White Goodman's cardboard stand-up with a well-aimed dodgeball. Everyone stares at her]
Kate Veatch : What? Eight years of softball.
Dwight : Man, she gotta be a lesbian.
Peter La Fleur : She is *not* a lesbian.
Patches O'Houlihan : All I know is, that dyke can play!
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White Goodman : We should mate.
Kate Veatch : What?
White Goodman : Date! We should date some time. Socially. Go out and kick it.
[Kate retches, then forces it down]
White Goodman : Are you okay?
Kate Veatch : I'm fine. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
White Goodman : In some cultures, they only eat vomit. I never been there, but I read about it... *in a book*.
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White Goodman : Stick it in your ear, La Fleur. I wouldn't sell you your gym back for all of King Midas' silver. The gym is mine! So you can take your band of yellow-bellied losers and just crawl on outta here!
Peter La Fleur : You're right, White. I can't make you sell back my gym, so I'll just take your advice and invest in something. Say... the controlling stake of Globo Gym.
White Goodman : That's preposterous! I'd never allow it.
Kate Veatch : Globo Gym is a publicly-traded company, there's nothing you can do about it.
Peter La Fleur : So, I would control Globo Gym and... everything that Globo Gym owns. Which as of last night is Average Joe's Gym!
[Average Joe's Team cheering]
Peter La Fleur : I'm your new boss, White.
White Goodman : You can't be my boss! Nobody's my boss! I'm my own boss! I created myself!
Peter La Fleur : You're fired, pal.
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Kate Veatch : Are you reading the dictionary?
White Goodman : Oh, you caught me. I like to break a mental sweat too.
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Kate Veatch : [outside Kate's house] White? What are you doing here? How do you know where I live?
White Goodman : It's called the Freedom of Information Act, Kate. The hippies finally got something right! Ha-ha! Just kidding. But not really.
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Dwight : I hope he falls off the roller coaster and breaks every bone in his body.
Kate Veatch : Nice Dwight.
Dwight : Hey I'm just sayin' it happens. My cousin Ray-Ray, boop, dead.
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Kate Veatch : You fired me so I would date you?
White Goodman : Yuh-huh.
Kate Veatch : You are a crazy little man.
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Kate Veatch : [Peter sees her house for the first time] I like... unicorns.
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White Goodman : [about Average Joe's] Oh, really, you like it over there with those freaks in Losertown?
Kate Veatch : Freaks? They're not freaks, they're people just like you and me.
White Goodman : People, haha, people just like you and me! That is what I love about you Kate! You've got a *personality*!
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White Goodman : Oh, Kate, I didn't realize you were here.
Kate Veatch : You asked me to come, White.
White Goodman : [reading a dictionary] Well, you caught me, I like to break a mental sweat too.
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Kate Veatch : Mr La Fleur, I can assure you this is a very serious situation.
Peter La Fleur : Yeah, no, this is extremely serious, Mrs, uh, Veach...
Kate Veatch : It's Ms. I'm going to need to review all of your financial statements and assess any tax liabilities there may be.
Peter La Fleur : Absolutely. I don't know how you say Ms for a Mr 'cause it's just Mr, but if there was a Ms Mr, I'm a Ms as well.
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White Goodman : Oh, hello, Kate. I wasn't aware I was paying you to "socialize".
Kate Veatch : You're not. I'm off the clock.
White Goodman : Well, isn't that convenient for you? And the clock.
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[White reaches out to kiss Kate]
White Goodman : To be continued...
[She twists his arm and slams his face into the wall]
Kate Veatch : You don't get to touch me, ever!
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Kate Veatch : I'm not a banker, I'm a lawyer.
Peter La Fleur : Really? What kind of law are you involved in, pretty eyes?
Kate Veatch : Sexual harassment, mostly.
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Kate Veatch : That... is a really interesting painting.
White Goodman : Thank you. Yeah, that's me, taking the bull by the horns. It's how I handle business. It's a metaphor.
Kate Veatch : I get it.
White Goodman : But that actually happened, though.
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[before the championship game]
Peter La Fleur : Okay guys, let's play smart. Wait for your two-on-ones, cover closely for your pickups. What's our team motto?
Owen : Aim low?
Peter La Fleur : That's right. All I'm asking is that you give it your best for Patches. I say we go out there, we let it all hang loose, try to have some fun. I mean, it's only dodgeball, right?
[Everyone laughs]
Peter La Fleur : Put 'em in.
[Hands in]
Peter La Fleur : One, two, three...
Peter La Fleur , Owen , Justin , Kate Veatch , Dwight , Gordon : JOE'S!
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White Goodman : I know you've been hiding some feelings for me.
Kate Veatch : Yeah. Nausea. If you don't leave in two seconds, you'll know how that feels.
