Joanne: I thought I was going to jail

The girlfriend of murdered British backpacker Peter Falconio said today she had nightmares about being jailed after the attack in the Australian Outback.

Joanne Lees, who has faced constant smears since her boyfriend disappeared, said she had lost the person who knew her best and who loved her the most.

She said she had never imagined not being with him and her dreams of marriage and children had been ended by the attack.

She said that much of her life had "closed down" and that she had been left "sceptical, untrusting, fearful and heartbroken".

"It is lonely being me," she said. Her comments were made in a victim impact statement which was read out at the Northern Territory Supreme Court in Darwin by the Director of Public Prosecutors Rex Wild QC.

She said she thought she was going to be raped and murdered during the attack and that she felt "helpless and guilty" that Mr Falconio was so close but she was unable to do anything.

Miss Lees, 32, who has moved to Brighton from Almondbury, West Yorkshire, said: "The magnitude of the impact that this crime has had on me, my relationships, family and friends is impossible to convey in this short statement.

"On the night this crime occurred, I thought I was going to be raped and murdered. I was extremely distressed when I was hiding, as I thought I would never see my family again and no-one would know what happened to Pete and me. I also felt that Pete was very close but that I couldn't do anything to help him.

"This made me feel helpless and guilty. I have suffered the loss of the person who knew me the best and loved me the most.

"Some aspects of the investigative process were hurtful and insensitive, as well as causing me considerable anxiety at a time when I had been through an experience that can only be described as horrific."

Devastating intrusion

"I had nightmares about ending up in prison. The massive intrusion of the media into my life has also had devastating effects. I have had to move house eight times.

"I have experienced being on the train and seeing pictures of my face on the front page of people's newspapers. It is all so invasive. I have been watched and followed.

"My mother was very distressed with all the media coverage and the impact it had on her and me. People have to be wary of becoming friends with me because they might find themselves in the paper. This makes forming new friendships and maintaining existing ones a continuing challenge.

"I have visible scars from the physical injuries I received on the night. They are fading with me. The emotional scars, however, remain.

"I am stronger, wiser, less naive. I am sceptical, untrusting fearful and heartbroken. It is lonely being me."

She said she had spent all her adult life with Mr Falconio after meeting him when she was 22.

"Pete was the person who encouraged me to achieve and to be strong and a better person. He was the one I was to travel the world with and share new experiences.

"In losing Pete, I have lost some of the opportunity to share family life with the Falconios, such as shared Christmases and family dinners.

"Pete was in the prime of his life: professionally successful, fit and healthy, loved and popular.

"This crime ended our dreams of travel, marriage, children - a future. I never imagined not being with him and not sharing my life with him.

"Much of my life has closed down since this crime happened."

She said she had had to delay her university studies and was unable to make long-term commitments because of the need to travel to Australia for court proceedings.

Miss Lees, a learning support assistant, said there were also "substantial financial implications" and that she had had to leave her jobs at an international travel agency because of the "notoriety associated with the crime" and move to one where she did not have to deal with the public.

"People's curiosity has made my life very difficult."