I couldn't recognise my own face in the mirror and was diagnosed with PTSD after hiding being gay, reveals Will Young

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Former Pop Idol winner Will Young has spoken out about the ‘self-sabotage’ that pushed him so far over the edge he was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder.

Also an award-winning stage and TV actor, the pop star discovered that fame was not at all what he expected it to be when he was first catapulted into the spotlight.

Now 36, the star first found fame in 2002 after claiming victory on The X-Factor’s predecessor, ITV's Pop Idol.

But after five years of celebrity, during which he sold 10million albums, ‘self-sabotage on an overwhelming scale’ began to sink its claws into the star’s psyche.

'Self-sabotage': Former Pop Idol winner Will Young was catapulted into the limelight after winning the 2002 predecessor of X-Factor, but fame wasn't at all what he thought it would be

Young described it as ‘exhausting’ to deal with the intensity of his self-hatred, which affected him both onstage and off.

When he was onstage, he revealed, he’d be smiling on the surface but a voice in his head would be muttering: ‘You are the most useless piece of s*** on this stage. You look fat. Your dancing is atrocious.’

By 2012, he didn’t trust anyone, was drinking too much and was completely incapable of maintaining a steady relationship.

‘My brain had shut down due to overwhelming levels of anxiety,’ he revealed, in an interview with The Times.

‘I couldn’t even recognise my own face in a mirror. It was terrifying. It’s basically an extreme fight-or-flight response.’

It was then that Young decided it was time to check into residential trauma centre Khiron House, in Oxfordshire, where he was diagnosed with a shocking range of psychological disorders.

Vulnerable: When he was onstage, Young revealed, he’d be smiling on the surface but a voice in his head would be muttering: ‘You are the most useless piece of s*** on this stage. You look fat. Your dancing is atrocious.’

Shock factor: Young described it as ‘exhausting’ to deal with the intensity of his self-hatred, which affected him both onstage and off 

As well as post-traumatic stress disorder, he described his illnesses as ‘depersonalisation’ and ‘derealisation’.

Although most people believe PTSD comes as a direct result of one traumatic event, it is also possible for it to develop over time.

Young believes his was caused by a combination of being bullied at school; keeping his homosexuality a secret; being separated from his twin brother Rupert at birth; and a whole series of addictions ranging from ‘love’ to shopping.

He added: ‘All those things, added to the fact that I am an insecure creative performer, made me a therapist’s smorgasbord.’

Now, following a six month course of intense residential treatment, Young is back on his feet.

He is half-way through writing what he calls a ‘life manual’, he is kicking off a national tour on October 29, and his album 85% Proof, and single Joy, are out now. 

Devastated: As well as post-traumatic stress disorder, Young was diagnosed with what he described as ‘depersonalisation’ and ‘derealisation’, after checking into a residential trauma centre

Back on his feet: Young is now half-way through writing what he calls a ‘life manual’, he is kicking off a national tour on October 29, and his album 85% Proof, and single Joy, are out now

With his three homes, in London, Oxfordshire and Cornwall, Young has plenty of space to stand back and get some new perspective on his fame.

‘I've really developed my view of fame and success,’ he said.

‘Basically it boils down to this: saying, “Oh no, how am I supposed to handle all this attention?” is not really an option any more. Singers get paid well and loaded down with free stuff.

‘If you don’t like it, stop being famous. It’s not a tough job. You are not changing the world. If you can’t handle it, walk away.’