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Ask Annalisa Barbieri

Every week Annalisa Barbieri addresses a problem sent in by a reader. If you would like advice from Annalisa, please send your problem to ask.annalisa@theguardian.com. Annalisa regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions

7 February 2025

  • A woman looking very sad

    I lost my partner, but our relationship was a secret so I can’t talk to anyone

    You need to process your grief by letting other people in. That means telling them about it

31 January 2025

  • Sad couple-01

    I want children but my partner now says he is not keen. Should I go it alone?

    I don’t think it’s fair your partner uses his past relationship to dictate the present with you. You need to have an open and honest conversation to understand each other’s feelings

24 January 2025

  • Sad couple-01

    My partner wants an open relationship, but is also jealous of my friendships with women

    You both appear insecure and are cultivating jealousy in each other. You must focus on building trust for the sake of your child

17 January 2025

  • Sad couple-01

    I live too far away from my boyfriend and our relationship is suffering

    Periods of physical separation are common in most relationships and it takes effort – but you can have the best of both worlds

10 January 2025

  • Alone2-01

    My husband is unfaithful and wants an open relationship. Is it time for us to split?

    We’ve been together a long time but now he says I either accept an open marriage or we get a divorce. The only way I cope is by turning to alcohol

3 January 2025

  • How do we tell our young daughter that she has a half-brother?

    You are right to bring this out into the open. Learning of a secret sibling is big news, so agree with your ex-partner on exactly what to share

27 December 2024

  • Nosey-01

    My son’s girlfriend has taken over his life and I fear he’s being suffocated

    You are better off keeping your son close so that he knows he can come to you if there are problems

20 December 2024

  • Alone-01

    I’ve started full-time work and it’s non-stop – when do I get some time for me?

    Entering the world of work can seem overwhelming, but remember that every stage of life is initially a challenge. Give yourself time to adjust

14 December 2024

  • Thoughts

    How can I do more to help my parents when I have a young family of my own?

    It’s easy to feel guilty and ‘useless’ but you have options. Be honest with yourself about what you are able to do

6 December 2024

  • sad-01

    I want a relationship before it’s too late, but I don’t trust myself to stay safe

    You’ve made a great start by seeking professional help, but before dating again

29 November 2024

  • Illustration of a sad woman

    I want to end my stifling marriage – but can’t bear how much hurt I’d cause

    Where did you learn that everything is your fault? If your marriage fails, you both have to take responsibility for it

15 November 2024

  • Unsympathetic woman

    I have spent my life looking after my depressive, controlling mum – can I move on?

    This is one of the most controlling mother/daughter relationships I’ve ever seen. You have done more than enough for her

8 November 2024

  • Illustration of woman

    Becoming deaf has made me feel insecure. How can I regain my confidence?

    Treat yourself with kindness and compassion, and you may find some comfort in learning from other people’s experiences

1 November 2024

  • Illustration close up of two parents looking at their son

    My husband unfairly blames me for our son’s eating disorder

    Perhaps your son’s aversion to food is a symptom of a wider anxiety – finding ways to talk about it is key to discovering its cause

25 October 2024

  • Worried-01

    How should I tell my bigoted mother that my daughter has come out?

    It can be a mistake to guess how people will react to ‘shocking’ news. With sensitivity, time and love, many hurdles can be overcome

18 October 2024

  • sad-01

    I’m a woman in my 30s and I haven’t got any close female friends – it’s making me sad

    It might be that you are looking for an idyll that doesn’t exist and rejecting real – though perhaps at times messy – relationships

11 October 2024

  • argueing couple-01

    My 15-year-old son keeps appearing naked in front of me ‘accidentally’

    This provocative behaviour sounds like a cry for help. You need to talk about boundaries – and keep asking if anything is bothering him

4 October 2024

  • sad-01

    I’m 14 and stressed out with the pressure of school and friendships

    Being an adolescent is hard, and choosing the right path seems make or break. But you don’t have to be your best all the time – it’s in failure that we grow

27 September 2024

  • Sad couple-01

    I’m married to a man but have erotic infatuations with women on television

    Whether it’s fantasy or something much more fundamental, you owe it to yourself and your husband to start an honest conversation about your relationship

20 September 2024

  • Ask Annalisa - In Laws Pregnancy-01

    I want to be a stay-at-home mum, and feel angry that society won’t let me

    Establishing a family and feeling anchored are natural desires, but pinning hopes on a mythical happily-ever-after future will not guarantee self-fulfilment
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