SOAP WATCH: The ultimate insight into the week's soaps

By JACI STEPHEN FOR MAILONLINE
Updated: 19:01 EST, 6 May 2011

The embracing of social media in the soapasphere is a patchy affair – so far the antipodeans have it covered most realistically, with smart phones being regularly used as picture messages are taken and sent.

Femme fatale: Claudia reels when Marc appears in full make-up

Hollyoaks employs a nifty approach of displaying phone-text conversations on screen – a simple device that is very effective.

Emmerdale’s teens compare notes on texts received, mainly the girls showing each other evidence of lads’ interest in them. But Facebook and blogging are hardly seen – no one uses Skype, and where is the soap Twitterati hiding?

Much fun could be had with these methods, perhaps it’s just a question of time before they become a part of the soap vernacular. Blogs tend to suit the selfimportant, so Emmerdale’s Betty and East- Ender Ian are perfect candidates.

Similarly, Corrie’s Norris would make hay with self-important Twitters on daily life at The Kabin.

And as for Ken, the worldwide web provides the perfect forum to broadcast his higher thoughts and send them echoing round Weatherfield... before they bounce back unread.

EASTENDERS

BRUISING BRANNINGS – THE BROTHERS GRIM

Having unwisely sought comfort with Rainie, Jack is goaded about it by his brother Max on Monday, which results in Jack rearranging Max’s face for him.

Still, anything has to be an improvement. Max is still sniffing round ex-wife Tanya, convinced she wants him, but he is sniffing even more than usual because of his injuries.

The week worsens at a party for Heather on Tuesday, when Ben blurts out that he was her online beau Kevin, unleashing a sizeable can of worms that wriggle about all week concerning Phil’s total lack of parenting skills.

Happy families: Jack and Max Branning get into a heated argument

Fair point. Masood and Zainab’s fragile marital relations become increasingly strained as Masood learns that Yusef’s relationship with Denise is on the wane.

On Thursday Denise tries to improve their romance and reclaim Yusef’s flagging attention, while Zainab, in discussion with her imam, realises that, given the choice, she may choose Yusef over Masood.

Adding to these complicated affairs of the heart, when Jane gets drunk on Friday and asks Masood to escort her home, they openly talk about their feelings for each other, but decide there is no way they can act on them out of their respect for Zainab.

Ooh, it’s all such a horrible mess. Later on Friday, there are more punches being thrown when Phil decks Ian, Masood almost hits Yusef and there’s a legitimate boxing match at the gym. Ding ding.

CORONATION STREET

You have to feel sorry for Becky, thwarted every step of the way by nemesis Tracy. After last week’s Blackpool debacle, Becky suggests an outing with Steve on Monday, but Tracy has other plans.

A skilled puppeteer, Tracy can manipulate and pull Steve’s strings to order, and she wants Steve’s presence at Amy’s parents’ evening.

When Steve doesn’t play ball he gets a message that Amy is ill. Is it a bluff, meningitis, an allergy – or just the inherited natural toxicity passed on from her mother.

In the Claudia, Audrey and Marc cross-dressing triangle (they all look as if they could be – how about a three-way wardrobe?), having spotted Marc out on the town as Marcia, Audrey is still helping keep his alter ego a secret.

However, when Claudia sees the pair together in the bistro on Monday, it’s time for Marc to officially reveal his other side to his girlfriend. I think secretly he’s eyeing up Audrey’s long cardies and
accessories rather than Claudia’s polyester dresses.

Most excitingly, displaying some visionary zeal and a superior spot of sleuthing, Chesney joins in on the John-Fiz complicated double life – and why not? We’ve all stopped caring now that it’s all so totally unrealistic, haven’t we?

Following up various lines of enquiry during the week, Chesney arrives at the Hoyle’s on Friday – who look as increasingly mystified as the rest of us – announcing that he is ‘Colin’s’ younger brother and stays for tea. Brilliant.

Perhaps when they’re all caught out they could occupy a family cell together... cosy. Being a helpful informant, our Ches supplies the Hoyles with John/ Colin’s address – back in Coronation Street. It can’t be long before they come knocking at the door.

HOLLYOAKS

Mischievous Mitzeee (yes, her name reeeally is spelt with threee eees) isn’t getting everything she demands of Warren, so, stamping her Jimmy Choos, on Monday she unwisely decides to trip Warren up.

It should be easy when you’re wearing stack heels but, needless to say, the plan backfires and by Wednesday Ethan blackmails her into getting evidence that Warren killed Louise.

Not happy: Mitzeee isn't getting everything she demands of Warren

Her decision to write Warren a letter on Thursday is not a particularly advisable tactic – this is a man who struggles with a bar menu. Subsequently leaving the secret letter with Nancy is an even worse idea.

EMMERDALE

DAVID HAS A GEORDIE-SIZE PROBLEM – AND IT’S NOT HIS HAIR

John’s farm plans are shaping up nicely, apart from the finance, so Moira suggests Jai might be able to help, but before you can say Jai–ho! Declan steps in with the required money, and by the end of the week John has reluctantly accepted.

Spring is declaring its frisky presence in the fresh Dales air: surly Scouse farm-hand Alex has Hannah, Amy and Victoria in his sights – and in his caravan, while David and his mutton-chop sideburns is heading for trouble with the gratingly Geordie Amy. The latter is entirely selfinflicted as David knowingly walked into a maelstrom of rampant teen hormones. No sympathy. 

Giving thanks: Ella is keen to show Adam her appreciation

With Amy having absconded, after accusing David of trying it on with her, he has the police, social workers, the council, plus Val and Pollard to persuade otherwise this week. Meanwhile, Adam’s quad-biking event at Home Farm proves a success on Monday and Ella is keen to show her appreciation.

On Thursday she’s keen to drink wine with him and by Friday she’s even keener to show him a new dress she has bought, but she clearly doesn’t plan on wearing it for very long. And when Nikhil takes Chas to a Greek play on Thursday will it be a tragedy? Ye gods, it’s all enough to give Oedipus a complex.

HOME & AWAY

Decision time: Mum-to-be Nicole has been incapable of choosing her birthing partner

When it comes to settling the ongoing birthing partner debate, mum-to-be Nicole has been incapable of making her mind up between Marilyn and Roo.

She asks Roo again on Monday, but by Wednesday, during a walk on the beach, the birthing partner unexpectedly transpires to be Angelo.

The baby boy is duly handed over to Marilyn, so expect him to grow up to resemble Little Lord Fauntleroy. Miles, meanwhile, starts leering over Leah.

But her sympathy lies with a badly beaten Elijah, despite Miles trying to persuade her that her sympathies are misplaced. And while April gets treatment for her OCD, it is Liam who takes to drugs.

NEIGHBOURS

COP THIS – IT’S THE KYLE SHOW

Along with a new haircut, Libby wants a new outlook on life – but support for Paul can only be an unwise move. The war between Toadie and Sonya continues, with Lucas attempting to mediate on Thursday, but Toadie is not in a forgiving mood.

Fresh start: Along with a new haircut Libby wants a new outlook on life

However, as Callum meets Sonya in secret on Friday, it’s clear he at least is mellowing. The Erinsborough radar has focused on Kyle lately.

While last week he undressed in public twice, this week he and DI Brennan buddy up to outwit a corrupt cop on Thursday. Plus, will he take the spare room at Lyn’s?

Read more from Jaci’s Soap Box on www.jacinthesoapbox.blogspot.com