'I distract anyone from seeing just how incredibly dark I feel inside': Former Savage Garden singer Darren Hayes candidly opens up about day to day battle with depression

By BIANCA SOLDANI FOR DAILY MAIL AUSTRALIA

Published: | Updated:

Former Savage Garden singer Darren Hayes has shed light on his sometimes crippling battle with mental illness.

In a frank and remarkably raw social media post this week, the talented former bandmate of Daniel Johns opens up about living day to day with depression, describing the condition as a lingering and 'poisonous' sense of 'dread'.

'It's a feeling in my stomach that registers the moment I wake up,' he explains in the Facebook post that has already garnered over 7,000 likes.

Candid: The former Brisbane born  singer has shed light on his sometimes crippling battle with mental illness

Candid: Former Savage Garden singer Darren Hayes has shed light on his sometimes crippling battle with mental illness

'My first waking thought, most days is, something is wrong. It's a simultaneous feeling of dread and grief,' Hayes, 43, continues.

'Sometimes just mustering the energy to get out of bed, go outside and grab a cup of coffee feels like giving a lecture to ten thousand people.

'The entire time I'm walking around the world and pretending to be a happy, at ease person, is a performance designed to distract anyone from seeing just how incredibly dark I feel inside.'

Adding that he has no logical explanation for these overwhelming feelings, Hayes goes on to explain that they generally diminish throughout the course of the day until almost dissipating completely in the evening.

Depression: The talented former bandmate of Daniel Johns says school bullies knew he was gay before he was

Depression: The talented former bandmate of Daniel Johns describes the condition as a lingering and 'poisonous' sense of 'dread'

Heartfelt: In a heartfelt and remarkably frank social media post, Hayes details his daily struggle with mental illness

Heartfelt: In a heartfelt and remarkably frank social media post, Hayes details his daily struggle with mental illness

'I love night time, it's the time I feel the world stops and my depression subsides,' he says, 'until gradually as I get tired, the feeling taps me on the shoulder and says "see you in the morning".'

Years living with this daily cycle have brought the critically acclaimed musician to accept his condition is 'chronic, hereditary and something I have to manage'.

One of the most difficult aspects he struggles with however, is publicly keeping up appearances and and 'pretending I don't have [depression]'.

While he is by no means ashamed of his condition, he writes: 'It means, I feel a pressure to be "up" and answer "I'm good!" when people who love me, check in on me.

Daily cycle: Hayes, pictured here in 2001, has battled depression for most of his life

Daily cycle: Hayes, pictured here in 2001, has battled depression for most of his life

Music success: Born in Brisbane, he rose to fame as one half of Australian pop duo Savage Garden in the mid 1990's, pictured here with Daniel Johns in 1998

Music success: Born in Brisbane, he rose to fame as one half of Australian pop duo Savage Garden in the mid 1990's, pictured here with Daniel Johns in 1998

'It means, if I lose my temper, get upset or feel insecure, my feelings are diminished or categorized as invalid because of my ‘"illness".' 

Aside from seeing a therapist, Hayes - who has also tried a range of medications - pays credit to the constant support and love he gets from his husband Richard Cullen whom he married in 2005.

Richard, he says, has helped him identify and appreciate the positives in his range of emotions explaining: 'The dreadful lows are devastating but the intoxicating highs result in being the artist I am today'.

Daily battle: The acclaimed musician, pictured here in 2003, says he wakes with a sense of dread most mornings

Daily battle: The acclaimed musician, pictured here in 2003, says he wakes with a sense of dread most morning

Slow: progression: The feelings gradually diminish throughout the day and he calls evenings the best time

Slow: progession: The feelings gradually diminish throughout the day and he calls evenings the best time

A born performer, Hayes has recently turned to comedy - a genre he enjoys as the sense of bringing laughter and joy to others elates him. 

Born in Brisbane, Hayes rose to fame as one half of Australian pop duo Savage Garden in the mid 1990's.

He now resides in the United States with his husband. 

New venture: Hayes has recently turned to comedy - a genre he enjoys as the sense of bringing laughter and joy to others elates him

New venture: Hayes has recently turned to comedy - a genre he enjoys as the sense of bringing laughter and joy to others elates him

Depression

Most watched News videos