DEAR JANE: My fiancé's drunk dad did something really inappropriate to me the night before my wedding
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Dear Jane,
My partner and I just got married, and our wedding was almost perfect.
It was a whole weekend of celebration, including a huge rehearsal dinner the night before the ceremony. There were speeches, live music, dancing and an open bar.
Everyone got fairly rowdy and my now-husband was drunk. So was his father.
I was not drinking as much because I wanted to feel fresh for the main event the next day, so I was very aware of how wasted everyone else was.
After the speeches, my father-in-law asked if we could dance together, and I happily obliged.
While we were dancing, however, he whispered something extremely bizarre in my ear. He said that his son was 'very lucky' and admitted that he was almost 'jealous' of his son. He then said that if he was thirty years younger, he would 'fight' his son for me because I'm a 'gorgeous prize'. I found the entire interaction extremely uncomfortable but attempted to laugh it off.
Later that night, I told my partner what had happened, but he acted like it was no big deal and dismissed it, saying his dad was ‘probably only joking’. But it didn't feel like a joke to me, and certainly wasn’t very funny.
Dear Jane: My fiancé's dad said something really inappropriate the night before our wedding.
The rest of the wedding weekend went to plan and I tried to push my father-in-law's weird comments to the back of my mind.
But now the holidays are approaching and we are supposed to spend Christmas and New Year’s at my husband's parents' house. I dread the thought of spending that much time with his dad!
Perhaps I'm overreacting, but I'm reluctant to bring it up with my husband again, considering how dismissive he was last time.
Should I just swallow my discomfort, or is there a better way to navigate this sticky situation?
From,
Daughter in War
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers' most burning issues in her agony aunt column
Dear Daughter in War,
Ouch. This was painful to read.
We have all been in awkward situations where someone makes an inappropriate comment that isn’t quite bad enough to call out but still makes us uncomfortable.
Certainly, I’ve been around older men who try to flirt with younger women in a way they think is flattering, not realizing that it makes everyone else cringe.
It may be that, as part of that older generation, your new father-in-law simply doesn’t understand that it is no longer appropriate to talk to women like this – especially his son’s wife.
It may also be that there is some kind of strange father-son competition afoot that you aren’t aware of.
Or, least offensive, it may simply be that he thought he was paying you a compliment – albeit very clumsily.
Let’s hope it was a one-off comment fueled by alcohol and that nothing further will be said.
But, while your're staying with them this Christmas, it would be wise to have a plan of action. I would suggest that, if something does happen again, you take your father-in-law aside and tell him calmly that these remarks make you uncomfortable, and request that he no longer says anything flirtatious.
Be prepared: he may dismiss you or become defensive. But you must stick to your gut.
