JANA'S SEALED SECTION: I'm 40 and still waiting for Mr Perfect. These gut-wrenching stories of women who settled for 'Mr OK' prove I made the right decision
'Why are you still single, Jana?' is one of the most frequent (and annoying) questions I get.
The answer is very simple: I have a deep-seated fear of settling.
I've seen friends, family members and acquaintances hit a certain age, freak out about their ticking fertility clock or the dwindling dating pool and, in their desperation, latch onto the nearest semi-decent bloke and marry him without really thinking it through.
Fast forward a year or so and they're sobbing in a divorce lawyer's office about the sad state of their marriage - or worse, still stuck in a marriage they're no longer interested in.
At least, that's how I've always seen it from the outside. It's a tricky subject and, honestly, few people are willing to admit your face they settled for someone below them.
But I wanted to dig deeper, so I threw the question out to my Instagram followers - who are always shockingly candid when it comes to matters of the heart.
'Have you ever settled for Mr OK instead of holding out for Mr Right? I'm looking for women to share their honest stories about what it really cost to settle in relationships,' I asked.
And, oh, how the responses came flooding in.
I asked women to share their stories about what it really cost to settle for Mr OK instead of holding out for Mr Right, and the answers were even grimmer than I expected...
A happily single Jana (right) is pictured with her friend Hollie Nasser (left) at her 40th birthday party in Sydney's Bondi in August
If I'm honest, they were grim. It was a stark reminder of how many people have learned the hard way that settling rarely leads to happiness.
Here are some of the most striking stories people shared with me...
'I was 25 and had never had a boyfriend; I didn't think I'd meet anyone. When we met, we had a lot of friends in common. Still, I felt from the start this might not be right.
'We got married five years later: walking down the aisle, l had a terrible sinking feeling. Another five years later - 10 years together in total - and after having two children, I made the decision to stop drinking. A month later, I left him.
'I realised the only thing we had in common, besides our children, was drinking. I've always struggled to follow my gut, but since leaving my husband I've always been ruthlessly honest with myself. If there isn't a connection, I won't settle.'
Another woman didn't mince words as she summed up her almost decade-long marriage to a man who couldn't satisfy her in the bedroom.
'After being with a snore in the bedroom for nine years, I'm finally discovering there is better out there. I won't settle for bad sex ever again!'
One man also responded with a sad story of settling for a disrespectful partner because his self-esteem was so crushingly low.
'I used to be very obese and settled numerous times.
'I stayed with one girl for two years - even with her name-calling and mental abuse. I lived in her house and helped raised her two sons, even though she would threaten to get the kids' dad to 'sort me out' whenever we argued. Her mother would also steal my possessions to sell for smokes or booze.
'I finally got the courage to leave when I found out my partner was sleeping with my best friend.'
One woman revealed her sister lives with regret after leaving the man she had 'settled' for - because he went on to great things after their divorce.
'This is my sister in a nutshell. To her, her husband was average and now she's single and alone after the divorce and has no job. Meanwhile he's now a CEO and loving life. She always wanted more by her perfect man isn't out there.'
When I asked if her sister regretted not staying with her husband, she responded:
'Big time! My former brother-in-law was a saint to stay with her for 10 years. She had multiple affairs and, honestly, I'm just glad he's free. She is now realising the grass isn't greener on the other side. He goes on all these "eat, pray, love" holidays, has a brand-new house - and she got nothing in the divorce because they never bought any assets together and his career didn't really take off until after their marriage.
'She's bad with money so he never committed to joint bank accounts or buying a house with her because he knew she couldn't be relied upon. After the divorce, she lives way beyond her means. Botox, hair, nails, clothes, a massive ute for God knows what reason, UberEats every night, weekends away by herself.
'She didn't know what she had [with her ex] until he was gone. He was loyal, hard-working, a family man, but still she felt he was below him. Silly silly, girl.'
One woman confessed that it took her 9 years of being with a 'snore' in the bedroom to realise there is better out there - and says she'll never settle for bad sex again
And finally, this painfully pragmatic admission from a woman who realised after having two children that she had married a man simply because he offered her a comfortable life:
'He was from a good family, tall, intelligent, ambitious and I was approaching 30. I knew that I would have a reasonably cushy life and bright children with him.
'I was happy enough but I always felt I was second place to his ambition. We got married, travelled and lived all over the world. We had two kids and then I realised I shouldn't have married him and should have waited for someone else.
'In the end, he ended things, which saved me having to ask for a divorce. He met someone through work who didn't have kids and shared his ambition.
'I ended up getting a good settlement so I have no resentment. I now have financial security and can find my true love. So, in that sense, I don't necessarily regret marrying for money and "breeding" purposes.'
…I mean, congrats?
So, what's the moral of the story?
Settling might get you down the aisle, but it won't guarantee a happily ever after. Whether it's bad sex, mismatched ambitions, or realising the only thing you had in common was alcohol, the cost of settling is steep - and not just financially.
A recent study found the happiest and healthiest women are those who remain single and child-free, which proves marriage isn't the golden ticket to fulfillment society might have you believe.
Before you lock yourself into a life with Mr OK, ask yourself: is this a love worth building a future on, or should you wait for someone who rocks your world - and bed - every day?
My advice? Hold out, ladies, hold out.
